Charmed? What the Heck is that?
by That70sshowlova
Summary: The sisters are home one weekend and there is nothing to do! So Paige decides to go to the store and buy a movie. Unfortunately they drag Leo and Chris into this, and what those five find is not what any of them expected. Crack fiction, you've been warned
1. Chapter 1

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige were sitting in the living room of the manor trying to find something good on TV. Then bright blue light illuminated the room. The girls looked up praying that it was Leo. They were disappointed to see it was Chris. Chris saw their disappointment and tried to bite back his sarcastic remark, but somehow the words bubbled out of his lips.

"Glad to see you too," at their glares he added "Okay, okay sorry."

"What do you want Chris?" Piper asked.

"Oh yeah, so I've decided that I've been a little too hard on you guys so I thought I'd go easy on you and cut back the demon hunts to 3 a day."Phoebe started to make puppy dog eyes, trying to make him cut back more, but he just ignored her. Piper thought she could scare him into it so she started to glare at him. He returned her glare. Piper stood up and turned it up a notch. But what they both didn't know about the other is they were both very stubborn, well Chris knew Piper was stubborn, but Piper didn't know Chris was. But then Paige being the sarcastic half breed she is broke the silence.

"Well as much fun as watching you guys trying to kill each other with your glares..." She didn't get to finish as they both turned their glares on her. She shrunk back in her seat. "God you guys could be twins." at Paige's remark Chris snapped out of it.

"Me and Piper twins? Yeah right. Were nothing alike." Chris lied. On the contrary he remembered in the future everybody he came in counter with said he could be Piper's twin just younger, in looks and personality. The sister's were confused at his nervousness, but decided to drop it. Then Paige took the remote from Phoebe and started flipping through the channels. She let out a frustrated groan.

"There is nothing on TV. You know what I'll be right back I'm gonna go to the store and buy a movie." When she saw nobody was going to argue with her she orbed out. Piper and Chris were bored so they started to glare at each other again. Phoebe, needing the entertainment, decided to watch them. She wanted to see who would crack first. It was an hour before Paige came back. Phoebe was asleep and Piper and Chris were still having that glaring contest, well now it was more of a staring contest. When they heard the orbs Phoebe woke up and, Piper and Chris broke out of their staring contest. They all however looked confused as to why it took so long.

"I orbed off to an alternative reality. I figured why not see how different their movies are. But look what I found." Paige said. She pulled opened a box, in the box there were DVDs, saying Charmed...

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If you want me to continue please review and say so. Please, please , please!

Also this is set after "Valhalley of the Dolls" but before "Forget Me...Not". So its like in beetween them. "So Forget Me...Not" hasn't happened yet. Hopefully you understand what I'm saying.

I forgot the disclaimer thing so here it is.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except maybe this idea. It just popped up in my head.

This story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.


	2. Chapter 2

They all crowded around the box. but Paige, being the closest, took at all of the DVDs and put them behind her back. She didn't want anyone to see the cover. No, no, no, no what Paige wanted was to get a camera to take a picture to see their shocked faces, and that is exactly what she'll do.

"Piper's camera." Paige called out. Everybody looked at her strangely but she just ignored them.

"So what season do you want to watch first? I have seasons 1-8 which is all of them." Paige questioned. The sisters started to think for a minute, it happened to be something along the lines of _Hmm what season should we start with? _Chris looked at them like they were retarded.

"Why not start at the beginning?" Realization dawned on their faces. Then they started to look down embarrassed. "Morons." he added. But they didn't hear the second part. Thank god they didn't. Don't want another glaring contest now do we?

Phoebe grabbed the DVD and got sucked into a premonition. She then smiled a twisted evil – Hypothetically speaking of course. It just means there very, very nervous about what's to come.— smile. She turned to look at Paige and they both knew what was going to happen. They both knew what was going to happen. Phoebe because of her premonition and Paige because she saw the cover of the DVDs unlike Piper and Chris.

"Why don't we call Leo?" Phoebe asked. Chris groaned in response. They all turned to look at him.

"Why do we have to call Leo?" he questioned. Before they could respond Leo orbed in.

"Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear." Chris mumbled. Thank god nobody heard him, or Piper would go on her 2 hour rant about how saying stuff in this house like that just isn't funny blah, blah, blah.

"Hey guys. Do you know what's going on the elders just sent me down for no reason? I asked why, but they didn't answer." Leo asked. That's when something very creepy happened Piper and Chris said something at the same time.

"_It'll all be explained in good time_." They turned to look at each other. To say they were freaked out would be an understatement. Then they noticed Leo looking at them. Piper and Chris rolled their eyes. Then they noticed they were copying each others' movements. They both got up and turned towards each other.

"Stop copying me. I'm not copying you, you are copying me. Stop that! Ughhh!" They both said.

They glared at each other and turned around. Chris smiled. He missed this. Piper was just confused.

"Something going on here?" Leo questioned suspiciously. They both turned to look at him knowing what he was thinking.

"Eww! What is wrong with you Leo? Gross, you are ugh." They both shouted.

"Okay, seriously, you guys have got to stop doing that. It's freaking me out." Phoebe said. And it was. Paige was getting very impatient. She grabbed Piper and Leo arms and pushed them on the couch. She motioned for Phoebe to do the same to Chris.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'. Stop man handling me." He said in a very Piper-like manner, He was so much like Piper that he was surprised he hadn't blown his cover already. They are so oblivious.

Chris quickly sat down next to Phoebe. Paige got up and took the disk out of its package and popped it into the DVD player. They turned to look at the TV as it started to play. The TV screen showed a hotel like building. It flicked to a blond girl in a kitchen putting cat food on the floor, then, in walks a scrawny white furred cat.

"Is that Kit?" Piper questioned. She noticed every body's dumb found expression. Well except Chris's, he never had a chance to know Kit. The screen went back to the blond girl. She was sitting next to an alter with candles. Blondie started to light the candles with her finger.

"Is she evil? Because I thought only demons could have that power." Questioned Paige.

"Well not ne—" Leo started to say. But before he could finish he was blown up in to a thousand tiny orbs. When he reformed, he looked at Piper, hurt.

"What did you do that for, Piper?"

"Me? I didn't do it." All of their eyes turned to Chris, whose lips were twitching and laughter was in his eyes.

"Why do you all look at me? You're so paranoid." He started to laugh. It gradually got louder until he was on the floor practically rolling around clutching his side. "Oh man that was good!"

They all knew he was the one to blow Leo up. They just didn't know how. And they were too lazy to question him. They all turned their heads back to the screen to see a see a cloaked figure kill Blondie. The screen flickered to a pink looking Victorian house. It looked suspiciously like the manor but they all chose to ignore it. Well everyone except Chris, who lets admit it, is always paranoid.

"Hey doesn't that look like the mano-" The girls shushed him before he got to finish. "Okay God, talk about hormonal." They all turned to glare at him but his attention was on a very young looking Piper. They turned their heads to see what he was looking at. Click. Flash. Paige took the picture of Chris Piper and Leo.

"Talk about a Kodak moment." But suspiciously the camera was blown up, with 2 times the power, and just to prove Leo's theory about Chris blowing him up, he saw Piper and Chris glaring at Paige with their hands held up in a defensive _about-to-blow-something-up _manner. Then Phoebe burst into sobs. She was looking at the TV screen. It was showing Prue. Piper started to sob too. She turned her head into Leo's chest. Which you all know he loved. Chris smiled at this. And not because he was some creepy registered sex offender!

"So that's what Prue looks like." Paige said. Chris and Phoebe grimaced. Phoebe didn't have the guts to say it out loud, but Chris did. And it's one _brave_ move. Especially with Piper sitting right there.

"Yeah, and she's a bitch." Chris shouted. The words bubbled from his lips. Piper turned to glare at him. "Oh, like you weren't thinking it."

"I was." Phoebe said. Chris smiled a smug smile and laughed. He loved his Aunt Prue, he really did, but she was kinda bossy, and proud, (which can be proved in Sin Fransisco) and hypocritical, and the list could go on forever.

_"Piper the girl has no vision, no sense of the future." _Well isn't that kinda ironic. No sense of the future yet _she _got the power of premonition.

"Bitch!" Paige shouted. At that Chris burst out laughing, and Phoebe soon joined. "No sense of the future my ass!" She added. And again they all agreed. Then the intro rolled around.

"Shannen Doherty, Holly Marie Combs, T.W King, Dorian Gregory, and Alyssa Milano. Who the hell are they?" Piper questioned.

"They are your alternative reality twins you could say. They're famous actors. Now you see everyone has a twin in an alternative realty but they have different n—" Leo again didn't get to finish because he was blown up, this time by Chris _and_ Piper. They continued to watch the TV screen like nothing happened. This just so proves Paige's theory about the twins. The TV paused on the back of Andy's head.

"That's it. Chris, are you our long lost brother or something? Because the resemblance between you and Piper is uncanny. Even your personality is creepily alike." Paige questioned. Phoebe and Leo nodded their heads in agreement. The resemblance is just weird. Chris smiled. He loved being compared to his Mom.

"Remote." Chris called out. The remote orbed into his hand. He didn't seem to care that he just illustrated his powers. He pressed play on the remote and the TV came to life. – Hypothetically speaking of course. We don't want a TV with legs running around do we? – Andy started to move in the rain towards a dark skinned guy.

"Darryl!" The charmed ones shouted.

_"Because you don't want to know I went to an occult shop." _Andy said. Then that made Darryl retort.

_"You hate me don't you? You want to see me suffer."_

_"I want to solve these murders. Someone is after witches." _Then they started to talk about knives and Athames and stuff like that. But the sisters weren't paying attention. They were just so happy and shocked that Darryl was on TV! Yay! They all turned their heads towards Leo. He nodded his head and orbed out.

"Thank God, I thought he'd never leave" Chris said. They all turned to glare at him. It didn't faze him. He proceeded to get up and sit next to Piper. They looked at him questioningly.

"It's fun to provoke Leo, and why can't I sit next my favorite charge?" He questioned. Paige and Phoebe glared at him and Piper. Why weren't they his favorite charge?

"Ha! Did you hear that? I'm his favorite charge." Piper said smugly.

"That's not fair! Why do you always get the white lighters?" Phoebe shouted. Chris just rolled his eyes, and mentally gagged. It's not like that. Then they heard a laugh and a growl. Wait, did Leo just growl?

"There is something going on between you two isn't there?" Leo questioned. Darryl, being the smart cop he is already, knew Chris' identity. So he just laughed, and sat down next to Paige on the floor.

"Yeah, Leo. I'm having sex with your wife." Chris retorted. Piper decided to play along even though he was being sarcastic.

"Don't tell him, you idiot!" Paige and Phoebe's eyes widened, Leo's face turned red and Darryl just laughed harder. Chris catching on picked Piper up and put her on his lap and kissed her on the cheek. She let her head fall in the crook of his neck.

"I love you, Chris." Piper said.

"Love you too." But the way Chris said it, you knew he wasn't just joking. That kinda disturbed them all, but they just ignored it. Leo's face turned even redder, if that was possible, and Phoebe and Paige's eyes widened more, and our favorite cop started rolling on the floor.

"Okay that's it-" But he was cut off by being blown up again. They all laughed this time. Because you have to admit, it's kinda funny. Chris picked Piper up and set her beside him. Their laughter died down as Leo reformed.

"Leo, man, it's a joke." Chris said. But they all knew it wasn't for him, he really did love Piper. Just not the way they thought he did, well except Darryl. He knew he loved her like a mother.

They decided to stop messing around and watch the TV again.

"I remember this." Darryl said. Loudly I might add. Seriously how much coffee does he drink?

The screen flickered to the manor living room, the window was open and the wind was blowing the curtain. But Piper shut the window. Then they noticed how skinny she was! Damn. Paige decided to voice her thoughts. Poor, poor Paige. She's about to get blown up.

"Damn, Piper you look skinny! What happened?" Ooh. Bad move, Paige, bad move. I'm gonna miss you buddy. Leo was gonna comfort Piper, but Chris beat him to it.

"Don't worry, Piper, you're just as skinny today as you were there. Paige is just jealous." Paige gave him a grateful smile. She really didn't want to face Piper's wrath. Leo glared more.

Mumbling something about a skinny ass white lighter from the future and if he wasn't a pacifist he would do something very, very bad. I'll give you a hint. It would hurt and it involves electricity.

"See, I am liking you more and more every minute." Piper said. Chris saw Leo's heated glare and just couldn't resist acting like a 5 year old. So he stuck his tongue out at him. Now let me tell you my friend that just added more fuel to the fire.

Hey there was Prue!

"Whore."

"Bitch"

"Saint." the last one was Piper's. They all turned to look at her questioningly. "Slut?" they all nodded approvingly. But none-the-less Piper got teary eyed at seeing Prue. Chris grabbed her hand in comfort. Piper rested her head on his shoulder. This act just made Leo's glare more heated and Darryl give out a short chuckle. He knew what Chris was doing. He's doing what he does best, provoking Leo.

Now you're probably wondering why he knows this. Well, one night Chris was drunk and spilled everything to Darryl. When he had a hangover the next day he admitted it was true after Darryl questioned him.

Okay, sorry back to the TV. They heard Piper say something that will piss Prue off very much. Well you don't have to do much to piss off Prue. All you have to do is be better than her which isn't much of a feat.

"_You know how we've been talking about what to do with that spare room? Well I think your right we do need a roommate."_

_"Well we can rent the room for a reduced rate for exchange for help around the house."_ Prue said.

_"Phoebe's good with a wrench."_

_"Phoebe lives in New York."_

_"Not anymore."_

"Ooh she's gonna be pissed!" Darryl shouted. Everybody nodded in agreement. Even Paige did and she's only seen like 8 minutes of the show. Prue did get pissed.

_"What?"_

_"She left New York. She's moving in back with us."_

_"You've got to be kidding." _Then Prue walked off in her bitchy manor. Leaving Piper feeling scared and regretful. Then they got into an argument about how they haven't seen Phoebe in months and stuff like that.

"Hmm I wonder why Phoebe hasn't talked to her in months." Paige and Chris said together in their sarcastic manor. They turned to look at each other and smiled. It was kinda funny. It was like he was telepathic. Which he is. He just doesn't like to use it. Then Phoebe walked in the manor door on the TV.

_"Surprise." _She said. _"I found the hide a key" _She added holding up a tiny key.

Piper then went up and hugged Phoebe. You can tell she missed Phoebe she was just afraid to show it in front of Prue.

_*Beep* Beep*_

_"Oops I forgot about the cab."_ Phoebe said.

_"I'll get it" _Piper said. Who did you think it said, Prue? Yeah right. Phoebe smiled great fully.

_"Piper, that's my purse." _They just ignored her. Then Prue and Phoebe started arguing about something irrelevant.

"_I never touched Roger."_ Phoebe said. Which is true. I mean that guy's a loser. So that would be low, even for young slutty Phoebe. But seriously Roger came on to _her. _Prue is just jealous that someone might like Phoebe more than they like Prue. Then they got into an argument about the loser Roger.

Let's cut to Phoebe's room. Phoebe is watching the news, when Piper comes in with a tray of yummy food.

"_Hey, that's my warlock boyfriend Jeremy." _Except Piper didn't say the warlock part. "_What happened?"_

_"Oh, some woman got whacked."_

_"Whacked? You've been in New York too long Phoebe."_

"_Yeah, I should have stayed. Could have saved me from all of Prue's bitchiness." _Okay she didn't say the second part but it was implied. Since the rest is very boring

Let's pretend they watched it and just cut to the spirit board part. So Piper and Phoebe are in the sun room with their hands on top of the pointer. They're talking about how Piper met her warlock boyfriend Jeremy.

"_Stop pushing the pointer"_

_"I'm not pushing the pointer."_ Phoebe denied

_"You use to always push the pointer" _TV Piper and real Piper said, ya know at the same time.

Then the pointer started to do some crazy voodoo shit. It spelt the word 'attic'. Then the lights went out. So Phoebe, being the brave woman she is, walked up to the attic, found a chest, opened the chest, and found the _Book of Shadows._

_"Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night. The oldest of gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought. In this night and in this hour I call upon the ancient power. Bring your powers to we sisters three we want the power give us the power." _TV Phoebe chanted. Then the chandelier started to shake and a blue light came down from it. It then shows a picture of the Charmed ones. These twinkly white lights surround Piper and Phoebe and pushed them near Prue. Prue and Piper found Phoebe in the attic.

_'What are you doing?"_ Prue asked.

_"Um, reading an incantation. It was in this Book of Shadows. I found it in that trunk."_

_"Let me see." _Then they started to yell at TV Phoebe for reading a book of witch craft. The TV cut to daylight outside of the manor. Phoebe was sitting on the steps in flannel pants, a blue t-shirt, and a white jacket. Piper came outside the manor and sat next to Phoebe.

"_You're up early"_

_"I never went to sleep."_

_"Don't tell me you put on a black conical hat and spent the night flying around the _

_neighborhood on a broomstick?" _Piper asked.

_"The only broom I've ever had was kept in a closet beside a mop." _Phoebe retorted.

_"So what were you doing?"_

_"Reading. Is Prue around?"_

_"She went to work early. Reading aloud?"_

TV Phoebe then tells some of their magical history to TV Piper. Piper then gets in her car and drives away. The TV cuts to Prue's work. She's talking to her ex-fiancé about antiques. Then he breaks it to her that he got the job she wanted and she gets pissed. She telekinetically breaks his pen without knowing it and leaves.

At TV Piper's work, she's cooking something when her chef boss comes in saying times up. She panics and freezes him. She is very confused yet she puts the sauce on her food. He unfreezes and says it's great.

The TV screen cuts back to Prue talking to her new boss in his office. He's on the phone saying something to the higher bosses that Prue said. He made it seem he said it though. So Prue says she quits and telekinetically chokes him with his tie without knowing it, again.

TV Piper is at a phone booth trying to call Phoebe, but she doesn't answer. So she walks out of the phone booth to run into Jeremy. They start talking about how she got the job. TV Piper then says something very disturbing.

_"I get so turned on when you talk about food." _I mean seriously who says that? Then they start kissing. Right there, in front of everybody. Talk about PDA.

On the road, TV Phoebe is riding her bike. All of a sudden she has a premonition. In it she sees two boys on rollerblades and they skate right in front of a car which hits them. The premonition finishes. TV Phoebe continues riding and then sees the car and the two boys. Phoebe decides to be a hero and rides in front of the boys stopping them from skating in front of the car. The car honks and Phoebe falls off her bike. Moron. Yet, she's a very heroic moron.

The TV skips to a hospital. Prue walks up to the desk and says she's looking for her sister Phoebe Halliwell. But you and I both know she doesn't really care. The guy next to her states he's inspector Andy Trudeau and he needs to see Dr Gordon.

_"Andy?"_

_"Prue? I don't believe it. How are you?"_ Andy asks surprised.

_"I'm good. How are you?"_

_"Fine. I just can't believe I'm running into you."_

_"Yeah, I'm picking up Phoebe. She had some kind of accident." _Prue says in a well to be honest with you it sounds like a bored tone.

_"Is she gonna be okay?"_

_"Yeah, she'll be fine. Um, what are you doing here?"_

**_"_**_Murder investigation." _There's this awkward silence. But then Andy offers to buy Prue a coffee, and it turns into shameless flirting? Yeah, give it to Prue to flirt when her sister's in the hospital.

"What the hell, Prue? You were flirting with Andy while I was in the hospital? Humph." Phoebe shouted. The TV cuts to Quake where Prue and Phoebe are talking about the Charmed Ones. Prue thinks Phoebe is crazy, and Phoebe is mad that Prue doesn't believe her.

All of a sudden, the cream starts to move towards Prue and gets put into her coffee. Prue is freaked out and mad that Phoebe turned her into a witch. They are now walking outside talking about witches and warlocks. But what I really can't believe is that they're walking outside at night! That is the perfect time to get attacked yet somehow they don't.

The TV cuts to Piper and Jeremy talking in a cab. They pull outside a warehouse and go inside an elevator where Jeremy attempts to kill Piper. Fortunately, for Piper she freezes him and the elevator. She grabs a piece of wood and knocks him upside his head. She crawls out of the elevator.

At the manor, Piper runs into the house and they start talking about how to kill a warlock. They put a curse on him, but yet it doesn't work and he has thorns in him. When they're up in the attic the TV sisters start to chant

"_The power of three will set us free." _Somehow that very poorly written spell works and Jeremy is vanquished.

The scene cuts to outside of the manor. It's the next day and Prue and Andy are talking about coffee. Yep you read right they are talking about coffee. Andy asks Prue out, but she declines because she's insane. Then Phoebe and Piper come out and pick on her. Yep, that's how it ends.

"What the hell? That was crappy. Was that really your first spell," at their nods Chris continued.

"Well it sucked and shouldn't have worked." Then all of their eyes traveled to Piper who was cuddled into Chris chest. Phoebe and Paige thought it was sweet, Leo was jealous, Darryl and Chris were amused, and Piper just didn't think this felt right. She thought it should be the other way around. He should be resting on her. How she thought this while she was sleeping we'll never know.

"Jealous Leo?" Chris asked. When he saw Leo's face he smirked. He just hated his father.

_Arrogant_ _bastard_. Chris thought he would provoke Leo more, so he picked Piper up and started walking towards the stairs. "We'll continue watching tomorrow when Piper's conscious." When he got upstairs he laid Piper on her bed and tucked her in. He gently kissed her forehead and whispered "I love you, Mom." He orbed off to P3 to think about possible threats to Wyatt.

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**I know this is really long. Sorry about that. Will you review and tell me what episode out of season 1 you want me to do next? Please?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed.**

**Also this story - again - was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay guys I've been getting a lot of good reviews. Some are asking if I hate Prue. No I don't. I just thought she was easiest to pick on. A lot of people hate her actress they say Shannen is a bitch. My Dad says Prue and her actress are both bitches. **

**But yeah, I love Prue. It's just she was easy to pick on. But don't fret, I'll be picking on everyone. I'll cut down the Prue bashing. **

**I've decided to have them watch "That 70s Episode". Because the 70s were - I'm guessing - awesome! Has anyone seen "That 70s Show?" I have and its awesome! So go watch it! Sorry, rambling. Here's the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Charmed. Unfortunately**

**Also** _italics _**are what the TV charmed ones are saying.** **_Boldfaced italics_** **are thoughts.**

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Piper opened her eyes to... her bedroom? What happened to the living room? Hmm, Leo must have brought her up here. She would have to thank him. She then got dressed in her favorite blue jeans and a red tank top.

When Piper got downstairs, she saw everyone in the living room. And by everyone she meant Phoebe, Paige and Leo. Leo was in jeans and a t-shirt. Paige was in her pink cup cake pants and a pink tank top. Phoebe being reminded by the show how much she loved those flannel pants dug them out and was wearing them with a white t-shirt.

"Where's Chris?" Piper asked as she sat down. That made Leo frown. First thing out of her mouth in the morning had to be Chris's name, didn't it?

"I don't know. Why don't you call him?" Questioned Paige.

"Me, why me?" Piper retorted.

"He always comes to you. No matter what it is." Phoebe said in a duh tone. Well he did, didn't he?

"Chris!" Piper shouted. The room filled with bright shiny blue orbs. For some odd reason, Piper instantly brightened up when she saw Chris's face. She didn't know why, but it was like this maternal instinct went off. She ignored it. Chris sat down next to Piper.

"Hey Piper, how are you doing?" At his Aunt's coughs he added, "Paige, Phoebe, how about you?" They both said "Fine." He didn't acknowledge Leo, as usual.

"I'm fine Chris, how are you?" He smiled at Piper. He answered with a simple good. "So I have been thinking that why should we have to watch every single episode when you guys lived it?" He added. He made a motion with his hand and the DVD flew to him he scanned the back.

_I've got you under my skin_

_The wedding from hell_

_Wicca envy_

_Is there a Woggy in the house_ He shuddered at this one. He hated the Woogy. He was just like his Aunt Phoebe on this one. He had the rhyme memorized by heart. He remembered when he was ten, he was possessed by the Woggy. The Woggy said something about being weak and that Wyatt had enough powers to fight him off, where as he was just weak little Chris. Well, let me tell you. Chris sent that bastard straight to hell.

He continued on with the list, trying to get out of the depressing thoughts.

_That 70s episode. _That seems interesting. He then thought about the story of his Aunt Paige putting on his great grandmother's go go boots. Gotta love time travel.

Chris got up and put the disk in. It went to the menu. He got the DVD remote and clicked _That 70s Episode_.

_"There aren't any pictures of me growing up." _TV Phoebe said, frustrated.

_"That seems impossible. I mean, you weren't exactly camera shy." _Prue retorted. Which was true, she remembered it.

_"Yeah, well neither were you and Piper, or you and Grams, or you and Dad. Oh look, there's another one of you and Piper."_

_"Okay, here's a picture of you and Grams."_

_"Oh, wasn't I cute?"_

"Yeah you guys were." Leo said. Ah the good old days.

"And how would you know that?" Paige said, a little creped out.

"Ohm I've known you since you were born, even you Paige. Patty thought she could hide your birth. Well, it didn't help that when her water broke she was screaming like a mad woman at Penny to get her to the hospital." He remembered that day. All of the heavens remembered that day.

_"Okay, all right, I need a pen and paper._" TV Piper She tries to open a drawer but it's stuck.

"_Quick, we don't have a lot of time." _TV Phoebe hits it twice and kicks it and the drawer opens.

_"I always wondered how you got into my candy drawer."_

_"Yeah, too bad all the candy's gone." _TV Phoebe said sadly.

_"I thought it would be easier for us to just write him a note." _TV Piper said.

_"Who him?" _Prue asked, clearly confused. You could be a little clearer, Piper, were not all on your level of intelligence.

_"You know, what's his name." _Then that treacherous doorbell rings. This is just like a horror movie. The sisters are the stupid blond college girls who instead of running away answer the doorbell! _"Grandma's little friend comes every year, same day, same time. Says you know, the flowers are from a secret admirer when it's obvious he's the admirer." _She opens the door _"Hi,_ _come on in._" The clock chimes in the background Dun dun dun. _"How are you?"_

_"Flowers for Miss Penny Halliwell._" He goes to hand them to TV Piper but he drops them and Piper freezes him and the flowers. _"Every year. What a klutz. At least this year I can freeze him so I can spare myself the clean up."_

_"Why did you want to write him a note?" _TV Phoebe asked. You know Piper you never did elaborate on that!

_"To tell him Grams is dead."_

"Don't want to break the warlock's heart now do we?" Chris said sarcastically. They looked at him confused.

"How the hell do you know that?" Paige asked.

"Yeah, Chris how _do _you know that?" Leo asked. Obviously, thinking it was one of his warlock friends. Chris rolled his eyes. It was so painfully obvious. He drops the flowers _every _year. Isn't that just a little suspicious?

_"Oh, you're gonna break his heart._" Prue said. Did anyone else notice how Prue said _you're _instead of _we're_? TV Piper gets the vase of flowers that's frozen in the air. The man unfreezes.

_"Five chimes." _You could be a little more specific warlock dude.

_"Excuse me?" _TV Piper said, clearly confused. How does it feel Piper? Now you know how Prue and TV Phoebe feel when you don't elaborate!

_"The clock. I only heard five chimes. It's noon. That means you froze me, which means you have your powers at last."_

_"Uh, I don't know what you're talking about Mister, but thanks for the flowers, okay, bye." _TV Piper said. She is totally freaking out right now!

_"Call me Nicholas." _Who knew the creepy possible jail-escapee had a name. He never bothered to say it before. _"Your mother did." _He puts on a ring and becomes younger. You totally knew what TV Phoebe was thinking right now. It went something along the lines of** _I could sell and make a fortune off of that._**

_"I had to appear to age over the years, otherwise, you would've been suspicious." _Creepy warlock dude continued.

_"What?" _Prue said, clearly pissed that he made them clean up all of those flowers.

_"You see, twenty-four years ago today,_" I detect a Canadian accent. Wait warlocks have accents? Ha! _"Your mother and I made a pact. To spare her life, she gave up your future powers to me. She blessed this ring, which gave me immunity from your powers._" Piper tries to freeze him. What part of immunity does this girl not understand? _"Immunity so that I could kill you and take the powers on for my own. To become invincible."_

_"Our mother would never give away our powers." _Prue said trying to defend her, even though the answer was so painfully obvious.

_"She didn't have much of a choice. Your blood is boiling. Soon your lungs will sear." _He points the ring at them and they double over in agony. _"Your organs will overheat and death will come."_

TV Phoebe kicks him in the leg and he falls over. They run upstairs to the Book of Shadows.

_"Why would mom make a deal like that?" _He just told you! Were you not listening?! He....Aah! Listen Prue, listen!

_"More importantly, what are we gonna do?"_

"Back in time, back in time!" Chris shouted, excited obviously.

"What is with you and time travel?" Phoebe asked. Seriously, what's so special about it?

"Have you not noticed how every time travel movie rocks?" Everyone had to agree to this.

_"Wait, I think I found a spell. To unbind a bond." _TV Phoebe said. Wait, what does a bond have to do with time travel?

_"You can't run from me!" _Nicholas yelled from downstairs. Well, obviously they are. He's just saying that because you feel nervous. The dude oh so knows they're going to run from you, and kill you. They're not the Charmed Ones for nothing.

_"Okay, we have no choice." _Prue so reluctant to agree with Phoebe?

_"Okay, Phoebe, hurry." _Piper said quickly. I mean, seriously, a guy is about to kill them and there just standing in the attic chit-chatting? Piper's words seemed to remind them and Phoebe started the spell.

_"Okay. The bond which was not to be done, Give us the power to see it undone, And turn back time to whence it was begun._" Twinkling lights encircled them. They disappear for a few seconds and reappear in the same spot. "_It didn't work."_

"Did you not see the lights? Morons!" Chris and Paige said together. What is with people and talking together with Chris?

"Hey we were not morons!" Phoebe said defensively.

"Yeah, just inexperienced." Chris said. Phoebe looked hurt at this, and then she got angry.

"Oh, why you little—Ugh! I am not inexperienced? You can't live in New York for months and not have ex-" She was cut off by laughing from her sisters and Chris.

"Okay, first of all, gross I don't need to hear this. Second of all, I was talking about magic. I've been doing magic for 22 years. In this show, you've been doing it for 1." Chris said, annoyed and disgusted.

"How can you_ do _magic?" There were four loud groans, so Phoebe didn't get to elaborate.

"Phoebe, where is your mind, the gutter?" Piper asked. She wanted to watch this show, yet she was having a sex talk with her sister. Phoebe was about to retort when the TV interrupted them. Thank God, or the Elders, whatever.

_"No fair, using magic." _Little Piper said. Little Piper was wearing her hair up in pigtails and had blue overalls on. To put it simply, she looked adorable.

_"Whoa!" _TV big Piper confused as to why the hell they had powers.

_"Wait, we had powers back then?" Prue asked, shocked. _Duh. No, you're just imagining this, Prue.

_"Oh, this is freaky." _Phoebe said freaked out, obviously.

The older Charmed Ones walk into the sun room. Then, Prue decides to talk to her younger counterpart. Talk about self-centered. Talking to yourself? Why not talk to LittlePiper?

_"Hey."_

_"Hi." _LittlePrue said. Did she not find it strange that these people were in her house? LittlePrue pointed to big Prue's freckle.

_"You got one too. Come here._" Prue gives her a big hug. Then Penny walks in the room.

"Did anyone else find that weird?" Paige asked. Everybody raised their hand.

_"How many times have I told you girls..." _Penny then notices the "warlocks."

_"Um, Grams, we can explain._" What happened to future consequences?

_"Warlocks be gone!" _Penny shouted with her hands straight out. Prue, Piper and Phoebe fly out of the house. The TV screen then cuts to outside the manor across the street.

_"Grams definitely had her power down." _Prue said. Jealous? I would be. I want powers! Damn it why can't I have any?

_"She is one scary witch." _No dip. I mean she is Penny Halliwell._ "I don't remember having powers at that age, do you?" _Piper asked. Of course you wouldn't, you were five!

_"No, I thought we got them for the first time last year._" Prue said. _"Apparently not, we must of lost them before we could even remember having them."_

_"Yeah, how weird was that seeing us as kids? Totally bizarre."_

TV Phoebe notices a news paper on the ground and picks it up.

_"Mom is barely pregnant with me. Here, March 24, 1975. That's the day that Mom made the pact with Nicholas."_

_"So maybe that's why the spell sent us back here, to stop the pact._" Good work Prue!

_"Which means it could be the only way for us to get back to our own time. We've got to go see Mom and warn her about Nicholas._" Piper added.

_"Yeah, but we have to do a better job of convincing Mom then we did Grams. This time we have to use our powers." _

"Not gonna work. Only one double can have your powers." Chris said. At everyone's looks he added. "I've done research, yeah you'd be surprised at what's in the text books."

_"The problem is she's on the lookout for three warlocks now." _TV Phoebe said.

_"So, then maybe only two of us should approach her just in case."_

"Phoebe should go." Paige said. Paige knew most of the stories. So she knew how Phoebe didn't really get a chance to know her mother.

_"Well, since I don't have any powers to show Mom I think it should be you two. I'll just stand outside and watch for Nicholas." _TV Phoebe said.

_"That doesn't seem fair to you, Phoebe, not being able to see Mom." _Piper said concerned. Aww, how sweet!

_"I know, it's not, but I got over that a long time ago. I don't need to see her now. Really, it's okay. We better get going, though, before we miss her." _The screen cuts to TV Piper and Prue entering a restaurant.

"They just agreed? Just like that? But that's not fair. You were waiting for them to start saying you had to go in. You wanted to go in. You were just waiting for someone to say something. Some sisters they are." Chris said.

"Hey!" Piper shouted.

"Well, it's true. I've done it a million times before." Paige added. Piper turned her head to Phoebe who was watching the TV.

"Phoebe, is that true?" Piper asked.

"Yep, I wanted to see her, just I wasn't positive it was fair to you guys. I mean, you can't miss what you never really had." Piper ran over to Phoebe and hugged her. She started to whisper sorry over and over again.

"God, I wish I never have said that." Chris mumbled. He didn't like seeing any family member in pain, maybe Leo, well nope not even him. "Come on guys. Phoebe you've seen your Mom before. I mean, you can summon her any ti—" He didn't get to finish as he was shushed.

After they were done being emotional, Piper got up and went to sit back next to Chris. She rested her head on Chris's shoulder. He put his arm around shoulder, letting her rest on him. He did this for two reasons. Reason one: because he didn't like to see his mother like this and reason two: he just loved to piss off Leo. He could feel him glaring daggers at him when he turned to look at the TV.

_"That's my doll._" Little Prue said annoyed.**_ Why does Piper always have to take my things?_**

_"You gave it to me." _Little Piper said. **_Uh oh, I did give it to her. Wait, since when do, I Prue Halliwell, give in? Never, and I'm not about to start now._**

_"No, I didn't. You stole it._" Little Prue lied.

_"That's true. You did steal it." _Big Prue lied. Not even at this age will Prue Halliwell back down.

_"I did not._" Big Piper said. **_Liar!!!_**

_"Yes, you did." **Why can't she just admit defeat? **_Big Prue thought. Little Prue uses her powers to take the doll off little Piper.

_"Hey, that's not fair." _Piper said. **_Uh! Cheater!_**

_"You came back." _Little Prue said excited.

_"Yes, we did and we're gonna keep it a secret, right?" _Prue questioned.

_"Okay._" Little Prue said. Wow, she must really like her older counterpart to agree that easily.

_"Okay." _Big Prue agreed.

_"You're pretty."_ Little Prue said to Big Prue.

_"So are you." _Talk about self-centered

_"Oh, give me a break." _Big Piper said grumpily.

_"Grams said you're bad people._" Little Piper said suspiciously. Well, someone had to be the older sister and seeing as Prue would go with someone because they're pretty, I guess Piper has to take on that job.

_"No, no, no. We're good people. We're, uh, just like you._" Piper said quickly.

_"Yeah, we're family." _Prue said. But she didn't sound like a lunatic saying it like Piper did. The TV screen cuts to Phoebe.

"_Victor sent me a note. He asked me to stop by his hotel after my shift."_ Patty said.

_"Dad?"_

_"You know it was doomed from the start. You never even took his last name." _Penny said.

_"You wouldn't let me." _Patty pointed out.

_"Well, that's beside the point. Why can't you just wear your uniform to see him?"_

_"Because I don't want him to know I'm a waitress. Look, it can't hurt to talk, right?"_

_"Well, let him go I say. If husbands were supposed to stay married, God would have made them live longer."_

_"Mother!"_

_"Grams." _TV Phoebe said while laughing.

_"_You gotta love Grams" Paige said while laughing. Everybody was laughing, well, except Chris.

"I know she had a lot of failed marriages, but seriously, I don't know how she can hate all men. Gr- I mean Victor seems like an all right guy." Everybody was a little surprised at that. First of all, how does he even know Victor? Second of all, why is he defending him? Leo was about to question him, but he noticed how everyone was looking at the TV so he followed suit.

_"We're not supposed to go places with strangers." _Little Prue said_. _At least we know she's a little level-headed.

_"Yes, but we're not strangers, Prue. You're safe with us and I know that you know in your heart that you can trust us." _Big Prue tried to reason with her...self?

_"If you're really family, prove it." _Little Piper said.

_"Prove it? How the hell are we supposed to do that?" _Piper panicked.

_"Piper!" _Prue yelled. Swearing is fine with her, but in front of children! There little selves nonetheless.

_"Piper. Your name's Piper too?" _Little Piper said astonished.

_"Uh, yeah, and not only do we have the same name... (She hits and kicks the draw and it opens), but we have the same secrets."_

_"Okay, follow me." _Prue said taking charge. But is stopped by Little Andy!

_"Freeze!" _He yelled.

_"Okay, Andy."_

**_"_**_No, wait!" _Big Piper shouted. Little Piper freezes Little Andy, Prue and Piper.

**_"_**_I'm telling Mom. You're not supposed to freeze people!"_

_"But he said to."_

_"Prue, Piper, Mom's coming down..." _Then Phoebe notices that they're frozen_ "Oh, boy." _You could hear Patty and Grams coming down the stairs.

_"Fine, if you must go, go. I can't stop you, but I also can't promise I won't teach the girl's a new spell while you're gone."_

_"Can't you bake cookies with them like all the other grandmothers?"_

_"The recipes they learn from me don't come from Betty Crocker, dear." _

"Oh no, they are not." Piper said.

"Then where did you learn to cook?" Paige asked.

"Cooking shows."

"Ahh..."

_"Bye girls, love you." _Everyone unfreezes.

**_"_**_Whoa, where did you come from?" _Andy asks Phoebe. Ha. ASK Phoebe_._

_"Yeah, that's a good question." _Prue said

_"Don't ask. Okay, we gotta go fast. Mom just left and Grams is..."_

_"Prudence. Piper."_

_"...Coming."_

_"Go, go, go, go." _Prue shouted.

_"Shh, shh, shh." _Piper says as they run towards the door.

_"I wanna go too." _Andy pouted. He looks so adorable.

_"No, Andy, you have to stay here." _TV Phoebe said.

_"No!" _Andy protested.

_"Okay, we got it, we got it." _Piper said quickly.

_"Oh, Little Andy Trudeau is so cute." _TV and real Phoebe said. Everyone rolled their eyes. That is **so** Phoebe.

_"All right, ready? Freeze him." _Little Piper freezes Andy._ "Okay, cool. Come on. Let's go, let's go."_

_"Okay, maybe that's why Andy is so suspicious of us." Prue said._

"Suspicious is an understatement. He's almost as bad as Leo is with Chris." Phoebe said. "Key word almost."

"Hey, I'm not that bad." Leo protested. Everybody turned to look at him "Okay, maybe I'm a little bad." They continued to stare at him "Maybe more than a little." Leo was starting to get freaked out by their stares. He knew how stubborn they were, so they were not going to let up until he admitted it. "Okay, so I might be a little obsessed."

"A little?" Scoffed Chris. "Your goal in life is to prove I'm evil. But whatever man. Do what you gotta do when you're bored. God only knows you're not getting any."

"So?! Unless..." Leo looked at Piper. Chris started to get hopeful.

"No."

"Damn." Leo and Chris said. The sisters and Leo all turned to look at Chris. Why would he care?

"What? I just think it's about time you two got back together." Why were they all staring at him like that? The TV thank God interrupted their soon-to-be awkward conversation. The TV sisters just got bailed out of jail. They were all sitting in the manor.

_"Where was I born?"_

_"Mom."_

_"I'm still not convinced that they're not warlocks."_

**_"_**_We have a pact to undo. We should be looking for a spell."_

_"Boston. In a hotel room, breech." _Prue said.

_"What was my husband's name?"_

"Which husband?" Chris said, sarcastically.

_"Which husband?" _Prue asked. Piper and Phoebe laugh.

_"Who's Melinda Warren?" _Which is pretty weird for her to ask. Doesn't every evil being know the Charmed Ones history? Well, any smart demon.

_"The beginning of our family line. She gave us our powers. Our destiny."_ Of course TV Phoebe. TV Phoebe here was like a walking talking _Book of Shadows._

_"What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler?" _Penny asked, testing them again.

_"Honey and a splash of rum." _Piper said. Of course Piper said it. Who did you think said it? Phoebe or Prue? As if they could cook.

_"What's IBM selling at in your time?" _

"Ha!" laughter was heard around the manor. You gotta love Grams.

_"Mom!" _Patty shouted.

**_"_**_What?"_

**_"_**_It's not the time for personal gain!" _She snapped.

_"If they could just nod their heads. Okay, forget it. Well, look at you. The three of you. Oh, Patty, I always knew I would deliver the Charmed Ones. Once removed, of course. Prue. Piper. And..." _Penny cut off when she got to Phoebe.

_"Phoebe!"_

_"Oh, another 'P'. What a surprise."_

_"About the pact?" _Patty said.

**_"_**_We must keep the girls safe until we can reverse it. I'll have to bind their powers."_

_"Uh, bind our powers?" _Piper asked.

_"Strip them from the young ones. So Nicholas can't get a hold of them. It doesn't have to be done right away. As soon as Phoebe's born. I'll cast a spell and suspend their, uh, your powers."_

_"Um, but that's exactly what you did... or do... will do... you know what I mean."_ Prue stuttered.

**_"_**_Well, that explains why we don't remember having our powers when we were younger."_

_"What do you mean? Well, how old were you when you got your powers back?" _Penny asked.

_"We just got them." _TV Piper said.

_"What? I unbound your powers without having broken the pact? Why would I do that? I mean, unless I died, which of course would automatically... _At their looks, she broke off._ "Unbind your powers. I guess I'm not going to make it to the next millennium, huh?"_

_"Uh, speaking of that, Mom..."_

"No! Phoebe don't. No, no, no! You can't do that." Chris shouted loudly at the TV.

_"No. We mustn't know anymore about the future. You came back for one reason, to break the pact. You mustn't tamper with anything else. It's much too risky. Heaven knows what damage you've already done by coming back here."_

_"_See what I mean? If you can't listen to me will you at lease listen to your Grams?" Chris asked desperately. Really! Them asking about the future is getting really annoying.

_"We haven't done anything. We missed our chance to stop the pact."_

_"And there's a reason for that. Destiny always gets its own way. It's not as easy to change the past as you think. If you do it incorrectly, everything will change. The evil you vanquished, the good that you've done, none of it may have ever happened."_

**_"_**_Well, we have to change this. We can't go back and let him kill us." _Piper said. Chris silently agreed with her.

_"The only way to vanquish him in your time would be for me to unbless the ring and take away its immunity. It's in a drawer in his hotel room."_

_"Okay, well, let's go to Nicholas's hotel room and steal back the ring. Hopefully, it'll be there."_

_"No, it's too dangerous, you don't have powers. I'll go." _Patty said, obviously concerned for her children.

**_"_**_No. If something happened to you, future history could be changed forever. Just like Grams said. We have to go." _Prue said.

_"Well, I'm glad to see you finally learned to listen to me. You better hurry. In the meantime, I'll write a new spell that will get you back to your own time." _Penny said.

_"Wait, you can do that? You can send us home?" _Piper asked, astonished.

_"We're witches, dear, we can do anything." _Penny said confidently.

"Were you guys really this stupid?" Chris asked. Everyone turned to glare at him "Well, I mean, every witch in every show can cast a spell. Why didn't you think of it?" They just continued to glare at him. They didn't say anything because well they didn't know what to say. Paige came to their rescue.

"They were young and naive. Don't tell me that you knew everything about white lighters when you started."

"I did." Chris said. They looked at him surprised. "I'm a quick s-stu-study. Um, uh, hey look a TV." He stuttered.

They turned to look at the TV. Apparently, their conversation made them skip a lot. It was already the end.

_"Maturity sucks, doesn't it?" _Prue asked.

_"Still, faith has its rewards." _TV Piper shows them the picture that Phoebe took in the attic._ "It's a pretty good one of us, but once again, not a great one of you, Pheebs."_

_"Are you kidding? That is the best picture of me I've ever taken."_

"Huh it ended with Phoebe being superficial. Weird. I thought it would have been Prue." Chris said. "Okay what to watch next?"

* * *

**Now you see my dears that is up to you guys. So go review, please. The sooner you review the sooner I update. Oh yeah this story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chris was looking at the back of the DVD case. Then, Paige stole the case from him.

"Hey!" Chris shouted. It is safe to say his Aunt does not grow out of that habit.

"What's _'Is there a Woogy in the House?'. _That sounds interesting." Paige said.

"Why do we have to watch that? I mean, we just watched _'That 70s Episode'. _The Woogy episode is two episodes before the 70s one." Chris said frantically. His excuse was pretty lame, but he did not want to see the Woogy again.

"Yeah, Chris is right. Let's watch season 2." Phoebe agreed. They all knew why Phoebe didn't want to watch this episode. But why didn't Chris? Leo being the ass he is in season 6 decided to agree with Paige. He loved to see Chris like this. Leo is so twisted with jealousy.

"Fine, go ahead, watch it, but if you are, I'm not staying. Call me when it's over." Chris was about to orb out, but he got a look at Piper's face. She looked sad.

"Please stay?" How could he say no to his own Mother? God, he hated that face!

"Okay." He said in defeat. He was about to sit down when he got an idea. He put his hand on Leo's shoulder and orbed him next to Piper. He then took his seat that happened to be next to Phoebe. "Hurry up and play it. The sooner it starts, the sooner it's over with."

Paige grabbed the remote and clicked _'_Is there a Woggy in the House?' The TV screen showed the manor shaking.

_"Oh God, not another after shock."_ TV Phoebe said.

_"Yeah well at lease there getting smaller. What was the main one? 4.3?" _Prue asked.

"_The radio said 4.5" _TV Piper corrected.

_"There you go Grams." _TV Phoebe said while straitening up a photo on the wall of her Grandmother. _"Earthquakes give me the jeebies."_

_"_Me too." Chris said. Ever sense that faithful day... but that's for another time.

_"Would that be the Phoebe Jeebies.?" _Prue questioned.

_"Oh, you know it's the comedy stylings of Prue Halliwell." _TV Phoebe said.

_"The only Halliwell who like earthquakes." _TV Piper added.

_"I don't like them, but I don't go running around the house screaming 'Run for your life.' either." _Prue pointed out.

_"Oh that is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers." _TV Phoebe said, while Chris said

"That was one time!" Everyone turned to look at him.

"I was 5 give me a break. It was my first earthquake. STOP STARING AT ME!" Paige started laughing.

"Oh man, I could see that." Paige said. It was nice to know that there neurotic white lighter had a life though.

"Do you know how wrong that sounds?" Piper asked. Realization dawned on Paige's face. Then her face contorted into disgust. "Oops, yeah sorry." She said. They all continued to watch the TV.

The screen showed the Gas man walking in the basement holding a flash light.

"No!" Chris shouted, very loudly. So loud I bet you the Elders could hear it. "It's going to posses you. No!" Chris added.

_"You have freed me. And now you'll help take back the house." _The Shadow Woogy thing said.

The shadow enters the man's body. The Gas man's face showed an evil grin. By now, Chris was hiding his face behind a pillow. Next to Chris, Phoebe was hiding her face in the crook of Chris's neck.

"You'd think it would be something scarier." Paige grumbled. Chris blew her up. And because Paige was only half white lighter, she reformed bleeding. Leo being the nice elder he his – well to the sisters anyway – healed Paige, and she was up and breathing again.

"What the hell was that for? And how can you do that? That's not a white lighter power." Paige being the smart half-breed she is decided to confront Chris. The others were too lazy to.

"I'm part witch." Chris said. He didn't care that, that wasn't part of the plan. He wanted to see what happened next in the show. And Paige was very stubborn so she wouldn't give up until he gave in.

"Oh well, that makes sense." She said. Paige started to watch the TV again.

"Wait, he just said he was part witch. You don't even care that he lied to you?" Leo questioned.

"Not really." Paige said, in a bored tone. Phoebe was too busy hyperventilating to answer. He turned to Piper hoping that her temper will be the end of this 'Chris Perry' it wasn't.

"He's too adorable to be mad at." Piper said in a very motherly tone. Do you think she figured it out? Nah. Wait, what? Adorable? She thought Chris was adorable. There is something going on here and Leo was going to find out.

"_Which one do you want?" _The possessed man asked.

_"I'll be upstairs if you need me." _TV Phoebe shouted.

_"Phoebe." _The shadow on the wall said while pointing towards the steps. At these words, Phoebe stopped hyperventilating and started sobbing. Chris pulled her into a hug and started to rub comforting circles in her back, while whispering "It's okay, Piper and Prue are going to save you." Over and over. But it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. Even though Phoebe is right there. Safe and sound.

"You do know this is in the past right? So were in the future. As in, Phoebe is and will be fine." Paige questioned. "And he calls _me _a moron?" They notice that the TV is showing Piper and a man talking in a wine store. Chris immediately went into protecting mother mode.

"Is this Dan? Cause if it is, I'm going to the past just so I can blow him up." Chris said menacingly. Everyone looked at him questioningly. Why would he care if it was Dan or not? How does he even know Dan?

"No that's John." Piper said.

"It's actually Josh." Phoebe said while sniffling.

"I still want to blow him up." Chris said. Leo looked at him strangely.

"You're trying to brake me and Piper up aren't you? So you can have her all to yourself." Piper and Chris's face turned into one of disgust. Yep, Piper definitely knew who he was. Chris noticed this and gave her_ **you-better-not-tell-anyone-or-I-will-do-do-I-will-do-something-bad **_look. How a look could stutter you'll never know. But nonetheless Piper nodded her head and understanding and froze Leo so he would stop talking.

"Headache." Piper said at their looks.

"Ah." they all said. Meanwhile on the TV screen – which everyone was watching now – showed Phoebe walking down the basement stairs.

_"Phoebe." _The Woogy man said.

_"No" _TV Phoebe said.

_"Your nightmares are true, I exist."_

_"I'm a good witch. You can't take me." _TV Phoebe said desperately.

_"You'll fight me first, but in the end, you'll do everything I ask." _He said while possessing her.

While upstairs, the gas man was attacking Piper. She didn't get a chance to freeze him.

Fortunately for TV Piper, TV Phoebe came in and a bat appeared in her hand, she used the bat to hit the gas man on the head.

"That was so cool." Paige said. She wished she had conjuring. Maybe she could talk to the Woogy. That's not going to work. Maybe she could sleep with an Elder. Chris shuddered, while reading her thoughts. Ew.

"Hey guys, let's play a game. It's called the Elder game. It's where you have to think about anything, but the Elders." They all agreed. Paige's R rated thoughts stopped. Thank God. She was making a list in her head, of Elder names and what she would do to them to get the power of conjuring. What would his Uncle Henry say right now?

_"Hey Piper are you okay? Are you hurt?" _Prue asked frantically.

_"No, forget it. I'm-I'm fine. He attacked me and then Phoebe stopped him. Go on, show her." _TV Piper said to TV Phoebe, who was currently lounging on the couch with a bored face picking at her nails.

_"I told you, I can't do it right now."_

_"Do what?" _Prue asked.

_"Phoebe has a new power. She thinks of something and poof it appears." _TV Piper said.

"It's called conjuring. You young, naive little witch." Chris said.

_"I only did it once." _Phoebe said annoyed.

_"Yeah and it saved my life. I thought you would be thrilled. You've always wanted an active power."_

"_Whatever." _TV Phoebe said dismissively.

_"Wait a second. Time Out. Our powers are supposed to progress, not grow at random. And if it did grow, I thought it would be Premonition-Esq. I smell Book of Shadows. Did you do something?"_

"Jealous?" Paige asked. It was so obvious that she was. She was probably hoping that she could read the spell too.

_"Okay, I just saved Piper's ass. Where were you?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"Phoebe," _TV Piper said trying to stop her rant before it started.

_"Prue's just pissy because this time she didn't get to play wonder woman. I'm not in the mood to soothe your ego." _She said as she got up. The funny thing is that Chris said the exact same thing to Wyatt. Minus the wonder woman part. In the basement, TV Phoebe was talking to her shadow.

_"Thanks for the new power." _She said in a dark tone.

_"You must not fail me again. You must use your powers against your sisters."_ Phoebe's shoulder's stiffened and her voice had a quiver to it.

_"Please, don't make me do this. I don't want to hurt them."_ She pleaded.

_"Phoebe, you are not strong enough to fight me." _Her shoulders relaxed in a lay back position and she had this twisted smile on her face. A smile saying she will kill her sisters.

"It's not true Phoebe! You are strong enough! He just chose you because you were connected to the house." Chris shouted at the TV. He then turned towards real Phoebe. She turned her head into Chris's chest. He was holding back his tears and sniffling. "Phoebe, Phoebe listen to me." She looked up at him.

"Tell me who vanquished the Woogy?" He asked. He was going to give the same pep talk Phoebe gave or will give to him in the future.

"I did."

"Who didn't vanquish the Woogy?"

"Prue and Piper."

"Who snapped out of it long enough to save Piper and Prue's asses?" By now, Phoebe's voice had gotten stronger and her tears had subsided.

"I did!"

"Who's the greatest witch of all?"

"I am."

"I was actually going to say I was, but you're awesome too. Well, this is awkward, hey look a TV."

The TV showed Phoebe sitting in the basement changing her nail color from bright blue to maroon.

"I wish I had that power. It would save me a fortune on nail polish." Paige said. Then that got her thinking about her list again.

"Paige! Remember the game." Chris shouted.

"Telepathy?" Paige asked. Chris nodded his head. She mumbled a sorry. The TV shows Phoebe answering the door.

_"Welcome to Halliwell manor. I'm Phoebe and I'll be your cruise director this evening."_ Phoebe said in a twisted dark tone. Dark twinkling music could be heard as she lead them in the house.

"Did anyone else feel that belonged on a Halloween special?" Piper asked. Everyone raised their hands. The TV cut to Piper in the kitchen, grumbling to herself how she didn't deserve any of this. Then the guy from the wine store walked into the kitchen.

"I bet you 5 bucks that his name is John." Piper said, directing it to Phoebe. She nodded in acceptance. Sure, enough he said his name was Josh. So Piper dug her wallet out of her pants pocket. She pulled a bill out.

"Do you have change for a ten?" Piper said. Phoebe grabbed the bill out of Piper's hand and said no. Everyone rolled their eyes. That is _so_ Phoebe.

_"Are you planning on feeding the people in the living room?" _TV Phoebe asked. Phoebe grabbed the Duck Medallions, Piper – after a couple words of convincing from evil Pheebs – let Phoebe take the food as appetizers.

_"Duck Medallions,"_ Phoebe said while pulling the top off to reveal a quaking duck. _"Sans Medallions." _Then everyone laughed this very fake laugh. They continued to watch Phoebe almost killing Piper, Piper throwing a tantrum, Phoebe turning Professor Whittlesey evil, all the way up to Prue ending the party early.

Nobody really had anything to say. Chris and Phoebe because they were still a little scared, and everyone else because they were waiting for the end. They wanted to see how Phoebe... and Chris reacted to the Woogy.

_"Are you looking for me?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"Why are you doing this?" _Prue demanded. She ruined her party!!!

_"Because he asked me to."_

_"Who asked you to?" _Piper asked. She was concerned as to why Phoebe was acting like this, where as Prue was pissed because her party was ruined. There goes her job.

_"Okay that's it," _Prue said while walking towards the house. _"We need to..." _When she was about to go through the door an electric shock threw Prue across the yard.

_"Oh Prue, are you okay? Phoebe, what is wrong with you? Why won't you let us in?"_

"_No, you can't, you shouldn't. You don't live here anymore!" _Phoebe shouted. _"He does." _She added in this demonic, dark, twisted, Woogy infested, voice.

The screen cuts to outside the manor in the morning. Prue and Piper have gone over everything. They could _not _get into that house. In the house, the glass was broken and the wall paper was coming off the walls. TV Phoebe was ordering a pizza on the phone.

_"Yes, I would like a pizza delivered to my home. Well, whenever you do open then. I don't care what you put on the thing. Just make sure someone delivers it. 1329 Prescott Street. I'll be waiting."_

"Wait, you know how she said: 'I don't care what you put on the thing. Just make sure someone delivers it?' Is she gonna do what I think she is going to do?" Paige asked confused.

"You have a very dirty mind Paige. It's rated R. Trust me guys, I've heard it." Chris said.

"No Paige, I think the Woogy wants someone to turn evil." Leo said.

"Are you sure? Because the way she sai-"

"Paige!" 4 shouts cut her off. By now, on the TV Prue and Piper had snuck into the house. They were in the attic trying to come up with a plan. They came to the conclusion that the Woogy was behind this. Then Phoebe burst through the door and starts to attack them.

_"Any fantasies about how you want to die?" _She asked.

_"Phoebe, listen to me. This isn't you." _Prue said trying to snap her out of it.

_"Give the girl a prize." _Phoebe retorted, while holding up this fat sword.

_"Prue." _TV Piper shouted.

_"Whoever is doing this hasn't completely beaten you. Otherwise, we would be dead by now."_ Prue said.

_"Really?"_

_"Phoebe?" _Piper shouted from outside the attic.

_"Phoebe, you were stronger than him"_

"_No, I wasn't. That's why he chose me," _She then added in a demonic voice _"But now I'm stronger than you." _Phoebe is about to swing the sword at her, when Prue moves her with her powers. Prue opens the attic door and they run down the stairs. Piper opens the front door. She wants to leave because it's not just Phoebe they're fighting its the whole house, but they can't leave because the Woogy won't let them.

"I can't watch this." Moaned Phoebe. Chris nodded his head along with her. TV Phoebe Prue and Piper are now in the basement. This black like mist started to come out of the basement crack. Piper and Prue kept telling Phoebe to say the Woogy spell. She snapped out of the evil trance and started stuttering out the spell.

_"I am light, I am one too strong to fight, return the dark where shadows dwell, you cannot have this Halliwell. Go away and leave my sight, and take with you this endless night."_ The thing is real Phoebe and Chris were saying the spell as well. Phoebe couldn't watch anymore, even though there was like five minutes left.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up now." Phoebe said. She ran up the stairs while covering her mouth.

"Well, that was interesting." Paige said.

"Yeah, I don't feel so well. I need a hug from Phoebe." Chris said while Orbing off to the bathroom to seek comfort from his Aunt.

"Hey, Piper, Leo, do you think you could pick out the next episode?" Paige said as she handed them season 1 and 2's cases. "I have to go pry Chris off of Phoebe." She orbed off. Piper and Leo laughed. They then started to look over the back of the cases.

* * *

**I'm sorry if you're mad that it isn't in order. I remember in the last chapter I mentioned that Chris was attacked by the Woogy, so I thought how would he and Phoebe act if they had to watch it again? In my opinion, I think how they're being over dramatic is hilarious. **

**The last couple of lines were from "That '70s Show." **

**Also next chapter I'm going to do "She's a Man Baby, a Man!" But only if you want me to. **

**This story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell. **

**Oh yeah, I'm sorry it took so long to update. Computer was being gay. Then I went to spend the night at my Dad's for my B-Day. He doesn't have a computer. I went to the library, and we were kicked out early because of weather conditions. I know what you thinking "Stop making excuses." but I thought I should explain why it took so long. So again sorry.**

**  
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, or That '70s Show.**


	5. Chapter 5

Piper and Leo were sitting on the couch looking over season 1. They couldn't really find anything that seemed interesting.

Then Phoebe, Paige, and Chris orbed in. Phoebe was resting on Paige's shoulder while Paige was holding Chris by the ear.

"Paige let go. Damn it, this hurts!" Complained Chris. Ow! Again, Paige does not grow out of this habit either and damn it, it hurts!

"Paige let him go!" Piper shouted. Paige so surprised immediately let go of Chris. Piper got up from the couch and went over to Chris. She checked his body for bruises.

"Are you okay, baby?" Chris nodded his head. Everyone was surprised at the affection in Piper's tone. Piper lead Chris next to Phoebe and rubbed his hair. He smiled lightly, he missed this.

"Okay, what is with you two?" Phoebe asked. She hated being out of the loop.

"Seriously, it was funny at first. But now it's just creepy." Paige added. Leo nodded his head in agreement.

"I don't have to explain anything to you." Chris said while smirking. Phoebe was getting impatient. She got up and grabbed the season 1 case and started looking at the back. She then grabbed the remote and clicked "Love hurts." Everyone either snorted or rolled their eyes.

"Of course, it has something to do with love." Chris said. "No wonder you marry Uncle Coop." He added quietly. Obviously not quiet enough as Phoebe heard 'No wonder you marry'.

"What was that last part?"

"Nothing." Chris said quickly. The TV showed a young blond woman holding a brown paper bag fast walking to her car. When she got there she dropped the bad which had glass in it. When she went to pick it up she cut herself.

_"Ow, damn it!" _The girl shouted. Twinkling lights could be heard behind her. Someone was orbing. That someone was Leo!!

"Leo!" Paige shouted in a girlish squeal. Everyone turned to stare at her. "What it's Leo..." she trailed of quietly.

"Never knew you were so fond of me, Paige." Leo smiled happily.

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Freeze, I'm confused," Phoebe started but was interrupted by Paige.

"Nothing new there." Everyone laughed except for Phoebe. "Are you blond or a brunette, Leo?" She made an excellent point. They were about to question further but were cut off by the TV.

_"It's alright Daisy_." TV Leo said calmly.

_"Oh, Leo, thank God it's you. I have been so scared."_

_"Look, you just have to stay strong a little longer and then you'll be safe."_

_"He's out there, Leo. He's going to find me. I've seen what he can do, his powers." _TV Leo holds her hand and heals it. _"How did you do that? Who are you people?"_

"It's more like 'What are you people.' " Chris said. The sisters and Leo turned to stare at him. "Oh, like you weren't thinking it." He had a point there. There were murmurs of "I guess you're right" and "Okay, maybe I was thinking it" around the manor. Chris smiled in triumph.

_"You just have to trust me, Daisy."_

_"Why me, Leo? I still don't understand."_

"_You have a very special future ahead of you. That's why I wanted you to come to San Francisco. I have powerful friends who can help you." _TV Leo said cryptically.

"Why are white lighters and Elders so damn cryptic?" Piper asked. Leo was about to answer but Piper wasn't finished. "'_It'll all be explained in good time' _good time my ass! They're going to get us killed one day. Then what's going to happen when their precious Charmed ones are dead? Don't get me started on..." Piper was cut off by Leo.

"Piper, it's for your own good. Plus, Elders can see the future if their cryptic remarks would get you that much in trouble, they wouldn't say them. The Elders are not the bad guys."

"Bastards." Piper mumbled. Chris laughed. That is so Piper. Obviously where he gets it from. They all continued to watch the TV.

_"What if Alec finds me first?"_

_"He won't be able to. I made you invisible to him." _Then Alec appears. Talk about good timing.

_"Hello, Leo I've been looking all over for you. Figured you could only be here for one reason. Where are you, Daisy? I know you're close by."_

"_It's okay, Daisy. He can't see you. Don't say a word, just leave quickly." _Leo said to Daisy. People must think he's crazy. Plus, he's talking to Daisy when Alec is around. Doesn't that prove Alec right? Also, it would bring him one step closer to Daisy. Idiot.

_"Don't listen to him, sweetie, don't do it." _Alec said. Daisy runs off though. What part of "don't do it" does she not understand? Well, then again, who would listen to their crazy, supernatural, ex boyfriend?

_"She's already gone, Alec."_ TV Leo said.

_"I love her, Leo. Much like you love your little witch. What's her name? Piper?"_

"Hm. I'm surprised he said Piper and not Pipper. They usually do." Leo was blown up at the end of his sentence.

"_Dark lighters aren't capable of love, Alec."_

_"This one is. I love Daisy and you are keeping me from her. It's only a couple of days ago all I had to do was think about her and bang! I'd be there with her. Then suddenly she vanishes from my radar. Cloaked by a white lighter. By you."_

"_If you know I cloaked her, then you also know that you won't find her as long as I live."_

"_Yes, well, I have a solution for that." _He gets out his crossbow and shoots Leo. Leo starts to make these grunting noises as the arrow is impaled in his shoulder and the TV shows the manor. Phoebe and Prue were talking about going on a trip to Cabo?

"Haven't you guys learned that you can't have fun without it being interrupted by demons?" Chris asked the TV. What is with him and shouting at the TV?

"Yeah, we did miss that trip." Phoebe sighed sadly. She started to daydream about guys and beaches need I go on?

"Hey, hey Phoebe. Let's keep our thoughts PG." Chris said. Uh, he was now scarred for life. Phoebe looked down and blushed. TV Phoebe and Prue were interrupted by TV Piper shouting their names from the attic. When they got there, they saw Leo rolling on the floor in pain.

_"Leo?" _Prue whispered. No, it's Santa Clause, of course it's Leo!

The TV cut to the opening credits. When the credits were done, the TV showed Prue in the bathroom. No, she was not using it, she was looking for gauze and medicine for Leo. In the attic, TV Phoebe and Piper were in the attic trying to help TV Leo lay down.

"_Be careful"_ TV Piper warned.

"_I am being careful."_ TV Phoebe snapped.

"_I can't believe you knew. The fact that our handyman, the man I was dating was supernatural, just happen to slip your mind?"_

"_There was no slipping, okay. I told you, but you didn't want to believe me."_

_"Piper, I wanted..."_ TV Leo started.

_"But you didn't." _TV Piper

"God, what did you eat for breakfast that morning, Carnation Instant Bitch?" Chris asked Piper. She glared at him. "Oh, well sorry, but you could be a little nicer to him. He wanted to tell you, but he couldn't. He's on his death bed and all you can do is bitch at him?" Everyone was surprised that Chris was defending Leo. Even Chris was surprised.

"_Okay, we gotta, we gotta get your legs up." _TV Phoebe said.

"_Don't worry about me. There's someone, ah _...!"

"_We have to get the arrow out." _TV Phoebe said.

"_No, don't touch it. It's tipped with poison."_

"_How are we supposed to get it out if we can't touch it?" _TV Phoebe asked. Then Prue walks into the attic.

"_You came to the right girl. You ready?" _Prue starts to squint her eyes. The arrow is pushed through his shoulder and Leo screams out in pain. _"Okay, I brought everything that I could find, I just didn't know what to use on a... What is he again_?"

_"A White lighter." _TV Piper grumbled.

_"Yeah, they're sorta like... You know how Peter Pan has Tinkerbell? They're sorta like that, minus the tutu and the wings. He guides witches." _TV Phoebe explained poorly.

_"And future White lighters. That's why I came to you." _TV Leo added.

_"You should have told me." _TV Piper said to TV Phoebe.

_"I should have told you." _Piper gets a bandage and pushes down on his wound._"Ah!"_

_"Oh, did that hurt? Good."_

"Chris is right. You're acting rather bitchy. That's not like you. You're more temperamental." Paige said.

"_There's a woman, Daisy. You have to protect her from the Dark lighter_."

"_The Dark lighter. Is that what shot you?" _Prue asked.

"_Yeah, they seduce innocent women. Their goal is to create evil through reproduction_."

"_Great. Generation 666_." TV Phoebe grumbled.

_"He broke the rules. He fell in love with one of his victims, a human. And she loved him back."_

"_Until she found out who he really was, right?" _Questioned TV Piper, softer this time.

"_Piper, you have every right to be mad at me." _

"_Thanks for the permission. I'll get some more gauze_." TV Piper said as she left the room.

_"Please, you have to find Daisy before he does, otherwise, she won't be able to do the good that she's destined to. She won't be able to become a white lighter."_

_"Okay, where is she?" _Prue asked.

"_I don't know. The last time I saw her she was at a mini-mart in the Castro, headed for her rental car. If he finds her first he'll, never let her go, ever."_

_"Any tips on how to vanquish a Dark lighter in case we run into him?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"Just don't let him touch you. His power is in his hands and when he chooses to, he has the touch of death_."

"_And we have the Power of Three. All right, call the airline, cancel our tickets, I'll call Andy see if he can help me locate her, and Piper should _..."

"_I'll talk to her. Someone's gotta stay with Leo." _Phoebe said.

"_Perfect." _Prue agreed then walked out the attic.

"Why didn't Piper and Prue believe that Leo was a white lighter?" Paige asked.

"Because they're mental?" Chris guessed.

"Yeah, why didn't you believe me?" Phoebe asked.

"I-I just di-didn't think it could be true." Piper said but it sounded more like a question.

"Denial..." Paige sang.

"You just didn't want to believe that you got stuck with the supernatural." Phoebe said.

"One warlock and I'm scarred for life." Piper mumbled then she thought of something. "You married a demon!"

"You married a white lighter." Phoebe retorted.

"Touché." They were about to continue on the subject, but somehow their eyes strayed to that TV. TV Phoebe and Leo were in the attic.

_"Leo, I brought you some food in case you're... you do eat, right?" _Very smart question. I mean, he is immortal. Can't die. Why the _hell_ does he need to eat?

_"Yes, Phoebe, I eat. How's Piper?"_

_"Oh, you know, she's dealing. I mean, it's not every day that you find out that the guy you're seeing isn't human. Although, in Piper's case... "_

_"I wish she didn't have to find out about me like this. Being with her broke the rules, but not being with her breaks my heart."_

"_You know, Leo, it's not like we rushed to tell you that we're witches. I think Piper understands about those little secrets that we have to keep."_

_"Any word on Daisy?"_

_"Yes and no. Prue called. Andy thinks he found out where Daisy's staying. They're on their way now." _TV Phoebe pulls off his bandage._ "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay, I know it's bad."_

_"I guess I need to work on my poker face a little bit, huh? You know Leo, didn't you tell me that White lighters have the ability to heal? Why can't you just..."_

_"No, my powers are for others, I can't use it on myself."_ TV Leo starts to go into a coughing fit.

_"Ah, you know, we just gotta get you better. Then you and Piper will have lots of time to talk about stuff when you're well_."

_"Phoebe, I'm not going to get better."_

_"That's ridiculous, Leo, of course you will, we're just gonna have to find something in the __Book__of__Shadows__."_

_"No, the Dark lighter's poison can't be reversed. It's meant to kill White lighters. That's what it's doing, it's working its way through my system. It's just a matter of time."_

_"How much time?"_

_"Not much. I'm gonna die and there's nothing you can do about it. My power is ebbing. With it, my ability to cloak Daisy."_

_"We're gonna save you both, Leo._" The TV continued to Piper and Phoebe talking about how they _were _going to save Leo. You could totally here Piper still loved Leo, always have, and always will. Why they weren't together now was a mystery to everyone. I mean, it's not like they were known for fallowing the rules. Then a guy gets killed by Alec. Nothing new there.

Seriously where are all of the other witches in the world? Why are the Charmed Ones always stuck with the demon hunts? Then Piper did her first power switching spell! Of course, it had to bite Prue and Phoebe in the ass.

_"Okay, are you trying to piss me off?"_ Free I mean, Phoebe asked irritated.

_"That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Only it's not working." _Prue said.

"_How do you know?"_

"_Because I don't see anything flying across the room. Look, you're gonna need to know how to use my power in case the Dark lighter shows up, remember. When I first got my power, it was anger that triggered it, so I need to push your buttons."_

_"Okay, it's not so easy to break me."_

"_What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers?"_

"_It's not gonna work."_

_"What was that? Oh yeah, Freebie!" _The magazines on a rack spin around and fall off. _"Well, class is over."_

Chris starts to laugh hysterically. He fell off the couch rolling on the ground.

"Oh god…Freebie? That is so...perfect. Talk about...blackmail!" He said in between laughs. "You were the school slut. Wy- I mean my friend was one too. He got caught on the football field. Grounded for a month."

"Oh yeah, lets all laugh at Phoebe." Phoebe said.

"I bet you were the school nerd, weren't you?" Paige asked. Chris immediately stopped laughing and stared at her.

"How did you know?"

"I don't, but I do now." Paige said while smirking. Works every time. Chris sat back on the couch while glaring at Paige.

"Okay, that's another thing that you have in common with Piper." Phoebe pointed out. The TV interrupted them out of a fight that was sure to come.

_"Oh God, please work. Come on. Work." _TV Piper chanted to herself.

"_When I die..."_ TV Leo managed to stutter out.

"_You're not going to die."_

_"And when it happens... know this is where I wanna be. I love you." _TV Leo said.

"Oh my god, that's so sweet! In a very sad way. But sweet nonetheless." Phoebe squealed out. Everyone ignored her love rant, per usual. The TV cut to Phoebe and Daisy.

_"I don't think this is the best time for you to be alone." _TV Phoebe said, trying to convince her to stay, it didn't work.

_"Without Leo it's just a matter of time before Alec finds me again. I have to get away." _Daisy panicked.

"_No. My sister's and I can take care of Alec." _TV Phoebe tried to reassure her. Keyword tried. Phoebe is very bad at convincing.

_"I don't want you to try. Too many people are dead now because of me and now Leo."_

_"Honey, that's not your fault."_

_"I doesn't matter. When Alec finds me again he's not gonna let you get in the way either. It's better off that I leave. Trust me. I have to go."_

_"Don't you dare. Leo gave up his life to bring you here. If you leave, Alec will find you for sure. And Leo's death will mean nothing. You're not going anywhere." _TV Piper said menacingly. Well, then again when is Piper not scary? The TV cuts to Prue and Andy in a park.

"Ah, I remember this place. I caught Andy and Prue there a lot." Phoebe said.

"What were you doing there?" Asked Paige.

"Nothing, I was just... I...don't tell me you were the perfect teenager." Phoebe shouted.

"She wasn't." Chris and Leo said. Everyone turned to look at Chris.

"How the hell would you know?"

"Uh...history books?"

"Hey, that only works twice." Phoebe said.

"Hm, never worked on us." Piper said. Is Phoebe really that ditsy?

"Dumb ass." Paige grumbled.

_"I thought you might like to talk." _TV Phoebe said from the doorway of the attic.

_"He could have stayed with us, he could have fought harder."_ TV Piper said.

_"He was in pain, he had to let go."_

_"He didn't have to. Our magic's never failed before. I cast the spell, I took his power, all he had to do was show me how to do it and he never did."_

_"How can you be mad at him?"_

_"Because it should have worked. Prue's having Premonitions, and you figured out how to use her power, why couldn't I find a trigger? Why couldn't he just help me, give me his power?"_

_"He wanted to live, he didn't want to leave you. It's hard to lose someone you love." _

Later on. Piper's in the attic with Leo. _"I love you, Leo." _TV Piper starts crying and a tear drop lands on her hand and it starts glowing. "_I found it. Leo, I love you." _She holds her glowing hand over Leo and she heals him._"Can you hear me? I love you, Leo, please hear me." _TV Leo starts to wake up.

_"Piper." _

_"Oh, thank God. I tried so hard and I couldn't make it work before. Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"That love was the trigger? You had to find that out on your own. Why couldn't you tell me?"_

_"I don't know. I was afraid, I was afraid if I admitted how I really felt it would hurt more if I lost you. I'm so sorry. I should have said it before."_

_"It's better late than never." _TV Leo and Piper kissed.

"Aw!" Guess who, yep Phoebe squealed, again!

"Okay enough of your gooey love stuff, it's getting intoxicating." Paige grumbled. Everyone nodded their head in agreement.

"Humph." Phoebe grumbled.

The TV Cut to the stairs. Piper is helping Leo down them.

_"Leo. Oh my God, how did you...?" _TV Phoebe stuttered.

_"There's no time to explain."_ TV Piper said hurriedly.

_"You've been out of the cloak too long. Alec can find her."_

_"Where's Prue? We need to get her back here and we need to find a spell to vanquish the Dark lighter." _TV Piper said.

_"A Power of Three spell."_

_"Okay, I think she has her cell phone on her." _Alec appears. Phoebe tries to use Prue's power._ "No!" _The light bulbs smash above him. He grabs Piper.

"_Alright, no more tricks, ladies_." Alec said.

"_Let her go, Alec." _Leo said threateningly. Well, as threateningly as you can when you're panting for air.

"_I don't think so. I have what you love. You've got what I love. Care to trade?" _Phoebe puts her hand up.

_"Don't do that." _His hand starts glowing a crimson red. _"I will kill her if I have to. You still think I'm incapable of love, Leo? You wanna see far I'm willing to go?"_

_"Alec, no!"_

_"Daisy, stay back."_

_"You shut up!"_ Prue opens the door and Alec pushes Piper into Phoebe and grabs Daisy.

_"No!"_

_"Phoebe, stop him!" _TV Prue shouted.

"Oh yeah, it's always Phoebe. Phoebe try to get a premonition, Phoebe use my telekinesis to knock that sucker in the wall, Phoebe go pick up my dry cleaning…" Phoebe said irritated. She was about to continue her rant when Piper interrupted her.

"You still hold a grudge over that?"

"Of course I do. I want a life to you know. Have you noticed how it's always me and Paige vanquishing demons while you're off on your own person life? Phoebe wants a life too!" Piper was about to come up with a very lame excuse, but Paige had something to say.

"Phoebe, why don't you watch Alec get vanquished? Demons getting tortured always make you happy."

"Really? No wonder you were the Queen of all Evil. You're so twisted." Chris grumbled. Thank god nobody heard him. Don't need to get blown up.

_"Let her go!"_ Prue yelled.

_"She's mine." _Alec said possessively.

"_Son of a... " _TV Phoebe uses Prue's powers and he flies through the air. _"Do it, Prue, now!"_

_"What's mine is yours, what yours is mine, let our powers cross the line."_

_"You really should have stayed out of this."_

_"I offer up this gift to share, switch our powers through the air."_ Alec's hand stops glowing and Prue's hand starts glowing.

_"What? Where's my power?"_

"It's hate. Hate is his trigger." Prue said.

"Then hate him." TV Phoebe retorted.

_"No problem. Bring him to me, Phoebe." _Prue puts her glowing hand on his chest and burns him to death. _"What's mine is yours, what yours is mine, let our powers cross the line."_

_"He's gone. You did it." _Daisy said excitedly, ah, the feeling of freedom.

"_You okay?"_

"_I can't believe how much hate that took. I never wanna feel like that again."_

_"You just gave me my life back." _

"_Now, when we get home, you're gonna give me my power back, right?" _TV Phoebe asked.

"Why didn't they just let her die? I mean she was going to become a white lighter." Paige asked.

"I don't think she would become a white lighter if she was killed by a dark lighter." Chris answered. Seeing as Leo was too busy staring at Piper, Phoebe was thinking about Jason, and Piper was trying to figure out why Leo was staring at her.

_"I almost wish I didn't give you your powers back. Then you wouldn't be able to leave." _TV Piper said sadly.

_"Me too." _TV Leo retorted.

_"So if Daisy's a White lighter-to-be, doesn't that mean you used to be..."_ TV Piper started to ask.

_"Human? Yes, it does. I was actually born right here in San Francisco. I had lived here all the way up till I went off to the war."_

_"You mean, like Vietnam?" _She asked.

_"No. World War II. I left med school and enlisted as a medic. I wanted to help save people, not shoot them. The last thing I remember, I was bandaging a soldier's head wound and I felt a sharp pain and the next thing I know I was floating surrounded by White Lighters. They offered me immortality and the chance to help special people like you. I never once ever doubted that I didn't make the right choice. Till I met you. Ever since all I can think is how I'd give it up and have a mortal life again to have a family, grow old... with you."_

_"Is that possible?"_

_"Yeah, I can become human again, Piper, if you want me to."_

_"Are you kidding? I want that more than anything. I don't want to lose you again."_

_"But..."_ TV Leo started.

_"But then you wouldn't be able to help other witches or other future White lighters, would you? You couldn't help save the next Daisy." _They say there in silence.

_"I better go." _TV Leo says as he kisses TV Piper _"I love you." _He disappears in a million twinkling blue orbs.

_"I love you too." _She whispered to the attic.

The TV cuts to Darryl and Andy talking in a construction site. Inspector Rodriguez and his human partner Inspector Anderson were spying on them. Inspector Anderson couldn't read lips. So he had no idea what Darryl and Andy were talking about. Then Inspector Rodriguez used his demon powers to hear what they were talking about.

_"I can't hear a thing." _Anderson said frustrated.

_"He's covering up for Prue Halliwell."_

_"What? How the hell did you... Oh my God!" _Rodriquez's eyes turn red and he makes Anderson's head phones make a shrill screeching noise, killing Anderson. The TV screen cuts to Piper in the attic putting on Leo's dog tag necklace. Then the screen shows Prue and Phoebe downstairs in the kitchen.

_"Is it just me or can you draw a chalk outline around this place?" _Asked TV Phoebe.

_"Well, I don't know what you could possibly mean, Phoebe, I mean the weekend's almost over, we never made it to Cabo, I'm never gonna see Andy again, and Piper just lost the love of her life."_

_"The glass is way more than half way full here, Prue, Piper saved the love of her life, Alec is long gone and Daisy's on her way back to her family. And we even managed to straighten out our powers, thank __God_." TV Phoebe said while getting two pineapples out of the fridge and a bottle of something.

_"Thank God? I thought that you always wanted an active power." _Prue asked.

_"Maybe, but I never thought I'd actually miss my Premonitions. Having your power was like wearing a dress that was too tight. Not that would ever happen."_

_"Remember when I said you had no vision." _Oh, I think we all remember that.

_"Which time?" _Said Phoebe sarcastically.

_"Well, you will never hear it again. It takes a lot of strength to see what you see."_

_"I'll drink to that. We can't go to Cabo, we might as well bring Cabo to us."_

_"I don't know, Pheebs, we still have some serious problems." _Prue says. Phoebe starts playing some reggae music on the CD player.

"_Problems are for Monday mornings. What do you say?'_

"It_'s gonna be hell of a Monday morning, but until then..."_ They toast their drinks, then the screen fades to black. Unfortunately for Chris, Phoebe started to think about that damn beach again.

"Phoebe!" Chris shouted exasperatedly. But Phoebe was too far into her day dream, so Chris tackled her to the ground.

* * *

**I feel like shit. For 2 reasons. Reason one I haven't updated in a while, reason two I'm sick. Ugh! I'm sorry if this isn't funny. Also I know I said I would do 'She's a man baby, a man' but to be honest with you the only thing I could pick on was that Prue's man voice sounded fake. Oh yeah, should I bring someone else in this? I mean, I could bring in Prue, Penny, Patty, Darryl, Evil Wyatt, Bianca, anyone you choose. **

**Hey, did anyone know that the girl who plays Daisy was on That '70s Show. She played Laurie. Well, I don't think anyone who reads this watches that show. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or That 70s Show (I used one of the lines from there but tweaked it.)**

**  
Lastly, this story was beta'd by the wonderful Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**


	6. Chapter 6

**just want to say thank you to all of the people who review. I know I'm not that good of a writer and there are a ton of other better stories on here, so when you guys review, it shows me that you're reading and it makes my heart swell with happiness. So keep reviewing. **

**Also someone suggested that I bring Evil Wyatt into this. So I am and if you hate him, because he's an evil bastard that tormented Chris and killed Bianca, and want him out I'll have him leave next chapter. Now if you actually like Wyatt because it was all Gideon's fault in the first place if he hadn't tried to "protect" the greater good then he wouldn't have tormented Chris or killed Bianca and still would be a paragon of good, then I'll keep him in for a couple of chapters. Now enough of my babbling and enjoy the story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, or Bianca, or Chris....*Sniffle* (I feel like I'm only one who actually like Bianca.)**

**This story was beta's by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**

* * *

Phoebe and Chris were wresting on the ground, it was quite amusing. Leo was kept chanting in his head _**"Kick his ass, Phoebe!!!" **_Piper was half worried and half amused. Paige was bored. Chris and Phoebe were interrupted out of there fighting by a blue light shining on the wall. It was in the shape of a triquetra, a person walked out of that triquetra, it was a man about sex feet tall with dark ice blue eyes, curly long dirty blond hair, and a goatee.

"Who the hell are you?" Piper demanded with her hands up in a defensive position.

"Wyatt?" Chris asked surprised. Gasps were heard all around the manor.

"Hello, Christopher." Wyatt said in a deep creepy evil voice, it was kinda hot, in a very creepy bad way.

"You two know each other?" Leo asked, his voice gave something away though, so Wyatt and Chris' faces contorted to one of surprise and smug to disgust and...blood lust? The blood lust being from Wyatt, he so wanted to kill his father right now.

"God why do all of your thoughts lead down that road. I'm engaged to a GIRL while Wyatt here is Bi." Chris answered.

"I am not!" Wyatt denied. Chris stared at him.

"It was the underworld they do things differently there...I was drunk...stop staring!" Chris smiled a smug smile.

"I heard from a little birdie that you were watching Charmed, and I just wanted to say, Why didn't you call me!"

"Translation: You were spying on me and noticed that this looked so good you hopped on the next portal out." Chris said. Wyatt nodded his head.

"You could always figure me out b-" He was cut off by being thrown to the wall.

"Wait, that would only work on someone who was evil, unless Chris is the one who's really evil!!" Leo shouted in triumph. He figured it out. He is so smart. He started to do a happy dance in his head.

"Okay first of all there is NO such thing as good an evil, it's all about power, it's as simple as that. And second of all Chris is good. Fifth of all you are so stupid." Said Wyatt.

"Um, Wyatt it's third of all not fifth of all." Phoebe said.

"Wait, was I just corrected by _Phoebe_, Phoebe of all people, damn I must be dumb." Shouted Wyatt. Paige started to laugh, reading her thoughts Chris joined in too.

"Definitely didn't get his smarts from Piper's side." When Paige said it out loud Chris just laughed harder.

"ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE! HAND ME THE DVD!" Wyatt shouted, he was embarrassed obviously.

"Yeah he yells when he's embarrassed." Chris answered everyone unspoken question. "Plus he's evil, he feels powerful when he yells."

"SHUT UP! Now what to watch, Aha!"

* * *

**Now you see this is a filler chapter. I already know what I'm going to have them watch next chapter. So don't fret. **

**But still please **_**please **_**review. Again it shows me people are reading and it gives me enough courage to write the next chapter. **

**Which reminds me 31 reviews. You guys rock! So after they watch the next episode. Wyatt staying? Yay, or nay?**

**Review...please *very cute puppy dog eyes***


	7. Chapter 7

****

Okay so here is the 7 chapter. I hope you guys were content with the filler thing. It's kinda like an appetizer, it holds you off until the main course. Like my food analogy or comparison? That just like popped into my mind, weird. Okay so people who reviewed for the last chapter all said they want Wyatt to stay. So okay thanks. Doesn't mean I can't be pissed at him for killing Bianca, bastard. You'll probably find these characters a little OOC. If that's the right word. I mean all I know how to describe them is that Piper is temper mental, Leo is paranoid (in season 6), Phoebe is obsessed with love, Paige is sarcastic, Chris is neurotic and sarcastic, and Wyatt is evil and power hungry. So if you feel I'm, not expressing these right feel free to pm me or write in a review with some suggestions. They are going to watch "Be careful what you witch for" some one suggested that in a review. Go French Stewart! (He's the genie.) Okay enough of my rambling. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Grr...I don't own Charmed, damn it! (I think we all 'witch' we do. Ha ha, that was a lame. )

This story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.

* * *

"What do you want to watch all-mighty-one?" Chris sarcastically quipped. Wyatt smiled nonetheless, thinking Chris was caving, dumb ass.

"Be careful what you witch for." Wyatt said this and looked at Chris, expecting to put in for him.

"What are you looking at me for? You're the Source, not a king, do it yourself." Chris said annoyed. Wyatt conjured an energy ball, God he is so dramatic, but thankfully Paige stopped them.

"I'll do it, God!" She roughly pulled the case out of Wyatt's hand, put the disk in the DVD player, and clicked 'Be careful what you witch for'.

"Wait the source? My son is the source!" Piper screamed. Everyone ignored her though. **_'Oh just wait until this is over with, there will be hell to pay!'_** Piper thought menacingly.

The TV screen showed a room lit by 6 candles. The room was occupied by five hooded men standing in a circle and another man standing in the middle. There's a bottle on the ground next to him.

_"Council will remind you of the heavy losses emanating from this San Francisco. From what we have learned all of the witches there have been turned." _One of these 'council' members said.

_"I descend from a long line of Dragon Warlocks. When my father died, he left me two things. The power of flight and the passion and hatred of those who killed him...witches. And I will not rest until I put all witches to rest." _

"As if you could kill all witches." Paige scoffed, seriously was this guy on magical dope? Did he really think he could kill **_all_ **witches?

_"The council is intrigued. However, all who have used force of these witches before have failed."_ Another council member said.

_"There is another way." _The third council member said cryptically. The man snaps his fingers and gray smoke started to come out of the bottle on the floor like a tornado. The gray smoke produced a man. This man had short black hair that was gelled up; he had on a silk brown shirt with a red vest on top, a yellow belt, and blue puffy pants.

"_A genie? You can't be serious." _The dragon warlock asked. He had bit of an accent, uh oh that means he gonna bite the dust, soon. I mean, we all saw what happens to demons that have accents.

_"Tell them what you told me." _Demanded the third council member.

_"Well, actually that was kind of a just between you and me kind of thing." _Genie said nervously.

_"Tell it!" _Council member number three shouted.

_"Right. Well, personally, I think that the best way to destroy witches is not to treat them like witches at all. You treat them like humans. Most of your evil doers, naughty types, think it's best to deprive humans of what they desire. No. You wanna get them; you give them exactly what they desire. You grant them their wishes, it'll lead to their undoing."_

_"We don't know that. He's a genie." _The second council said suspiciously.

_"If council agrees howdo we proceed?" _Council number 3 asked.

"_Just make sure that the bottle crosses paths with the witches and let el Genie Grande, take it from there." _Genie said.

_"With all due respect, Genie's only work for themselves. If he grants them three wishes, he goes free. How do you know that he won't betray you?" _The dragon warlock questioned.

_"Remember, getting your freedom does not make you free from us." _Council member number one said in a shaky old voice.

"_As long as you are a Genie we can find you anytime, anywhere._" The second member threatened.

The TV screen then cut to the manors sun room. Piper, Leo, and Phoebe are gathered in it. Phoebe was sitting on the couch groaning while Piper bandaged her ankle up.

_"Check my to-do list. It says bank, dry cleaners, pedicure. Nowhere on the list does it say kick box a beast. Just walking along, minding my own business and 'wham!' it was like a random attack, a demonic drive-by." _TV Phoebe complained.

_"Nothing in our lives is random anymore." _TV Piper insisted.

_"You know, we keep saying that but what does it really mean? Is there some kind of cosmic order to all this? Are we on some kind of list? And if so, how many points are we worth?"_

_"Phoebe…" _TV Leo started

_"What? We've had a great year; we've wiped out a ton of nasties. I just wanna know if we've tripped some supernatural alarm or anything. Ow! And are we ever gonna learn what it really means?"_

_"Well, not to sound all white lightery but everything happens in its own time. You can't rush what's to be."_

"_Okay, how about what already is? Dan is back in town." _TV Piper said.

_"So?"_ TV Leo asked. Really, how is that relevant?

_"So, what am I gonna tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's gonna expect a reaction from me."_

"_How about 'Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac.'"_ TV Phoebe suggested jokingly. Paige erupted in laughter.

"Ah man, Phoebe that was a good one_."_

"That's disgusting." Wyatt said. He really didn't want to think about that.

"_Phoebe." _TV Piper hit TV Phoebe.

"_Ow! Why does everyone always 'Phoebe' me?" _TV Phoebe questioned as Prue walked into the conservatory.

"I admire Prue. She had determination and she was powerful while doing it." Wyatt said with a faraway look in his eye.

"She died from a demon attack, Wyatt." Said Chris, which cause Piper and Phoebe to wince.

"Yes, but a demon attack from The Source. It proves that _nobody_ and I mean _nobody_ can go up against The Source unharmed."

"Piper, Phoebe and Paige did." Chris said proving Wyatt wrong. "You really need to brush up on your history."

Wyatt's face turned red with anger, he hated – no detested – when people proved him wrong. Luckily, for everyone the TV prevented a very embarrassing fight. It would have went something like this, Wyatt about to use his powers on Chris, but then Chris tackles him to the ground, and Wyatt complains that Chris hurt his eye. **(A/N Sound familiar?)**

_"Okay, I have to go open the club. Are you gonna be alright, Pheebs?" _TV Piper asks when as she stands up.

_"Yes." _Leo helps Phoebe up. _"Thanks Leo. I'm gonna take a walk and try to loosen up my ankle." _

They walk into the foyer and open the door there's a box sitting on the doorstep Prue picks it up.

_"What is that?"_

_"I don't know."_ Prue opens the lid.

_"Somebody got a secret admirer?" _Piper takes a bottle out of the box.

_"Eww, it's so dusty. Who would send us something so dusty?"_ TV Phoebe exclaimed. Phoebe rubs the bottle, trying to clean it up some, but the lid flies off and the genie appears.

_"Your wish is my command."_ The genie said while poking himself with his pointer fingers. The TV Charmed ones were standing there in awe. The screen cut to the credits.

"All right you landed one!" Paige shouted. But then Leo had to put a damper on her mood.

"No, not 'all right you landed one'. Paige, genies are tricksters. They'll twist your words; give you something you don't want. They're all about themselves."

"Well, of course they are. I mean, who wants to be granting wishes all of their life?" Piper asked.

"Nobody." Chris answered, even though it was rhetorical.

"Hey Wyatt, I bet your not as tight-lipped. Who do I marry in the future?" Phoebe asked. How she got on to this topic we'll never know.

"That was random, but you marry Uncle Co-" Wyatt was cut off by being thrown against the wall again.

"Cole? I marry Cole! No, that is not going to happen. I mean, I am totally over him. I don't miss him or anything about him, like his deep blue eyes, or his dark black hair that my hands would get tangled in when we would kiss, or..." Phoebe was cut off.

"Yeah, you sure don't miss him." Paige said sarcastically.

"Cole? Who the hell is Cole? I'm talking about Coo-" Wyatt stopped mid word. He appeared to be frozen. But sadly he was strong enough to fight out of the freeze. "...p"

"Coo-p, Coooop." Phoebe let the name role of her tongue. "Coop?" Chris smacked Wyatt upside the head.

"Way to go moron."

"Wait, who's Coop?" Phoebe demanded. Nobody answered her question as they were all watching TV again. Well, Wyatt would have answered, let's face it he's as loose-lipped as Phoebe. He couldn't answer though because at some point Chris orbed duct tape from who knows where and taped his mouth shut.

Apparently, they missed a lot. Prue was already on her date with dull Dick. The screen showed a miniature sized genie dancing on top of Dick's menu.

_"Hey, Dick." _The genie jumps in Dick's mouth and goes down his throat. Dick dips his fingers in the butter.

_"Don't you just love butter? Oh, creamy goodness, to your health." _He licks off the butter.

_"Ah, Dick, are you..." _Prue started but was interrupted by Dick, how rude.

_"Sick and tired of trying to pass myself off of being half way worthy of dating you. You betcha. Look, you and I both know I'm dull as mud. I can't help it. I know who I am. I know I'm not the guy you're looking for."_

_"I..." _But again Prue was interrupted. God, you would think if the genie was immortal, and he lived God knows how long, he would learn some manners.

_"The question is what are you looking for? I mean come on, how did we make it to date three and you really know I'm not the guy."_

_"I don't know, you know, I mean, at this point I feel like dating's kind of a job, you know. I mean, you get none, but you feel like it's your duty to stay out there. I just want to feel excited by love again. I wish it was like it the first time."_

_"Your wish is my command." _He patted himself when he said it. Dick also had this smug smirk on his face. The possessed Dick snapped his fingers and a golden light illuminated Prue's face.

"Oh God, I hated this wish. Prue was so needy and helpless. Her wish tur-" Piper started, but Wyatt interrupted her.

"Blahh!"

"What was that?" Chris asked.

"I don't want to know what happened, I want it to be a surprise."

"Wyatt, you've heard this story already." Chris pointed out.

"Go on."

"That's it. What, were you dropped on your head?"

"Yes, I was and up until now everyone had the good grace not to mention it!" Wyatt yelled. Now on the screen TV Phoebe was in the attic. TV Phoebe was looking through the Book of Shadows.

But then the genie appeared.

_"Hi. How about great fortune? You want that?"_

_"After taxes, not worth it." _TV Phoebe said, not interested.

_"No? Land, power, beauty?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Okay, who am I kidding?"_

_"Why are you not in this book?" _TV Phoebe demanded.

_"Because the only way to get rid of me is to make three wishes. Come on, large or small. I do all kinds. Only no world peace, I can't do that." _The way the genie said it, it kinda sounded like a rhyme.

_"The fine print of wishing. Your job has its limitations."_

_"Yeah, well, so does yours." _The genie says while glancing at her bandaged foot.

_"Occupational hazard."_

_"Mmmm hmm. Doesn't have to be. You could wish to be as powerful as you want." _Phoebe thinks about it for a second. She looked like she wanted to say yes. But then it turned into a defeated look.

_"Nope, nope, I-I am not interested in that."_

_"Oh, not interested, not interested in absolute power. You're a rocket scientist." _As he said this he flashed away in a puff of white smoke. The screen cuts to outside to the inside.

_"I mean, poor Dan. It would be so much easier if I could be honest with him but other than saying 'Leo is a White lighter' what am I gonna tell him?" Piper asked Leo._

_"What more does he need to know?"_ Leo asked.

_"Well, maybe it's about what I need to know. I mean, you've been watching me my whole life and I don't even know where you spend yours."_

_"If there's anything you wanna know..." _Leo trailed off.

_"It's not exactly about knowing; it's more about experiencing and experiencing it with you. I mean, I have no idea where you go when you orb out. Do you have a house? Friends? A CD player?" _Leo smiles.

_"It's not really like that." _Then Dan walks in.

"Ew." Chris, Phoebe, and Paige said all together. Leo just growled.

"Why is his hair so greasy?" Wyatt whispered in Chris's ear.

"Beats me." Chris replied.

_"Dan." _TV Piper says quietly.

_"You have got to be kidding me." _He starts to leave, but Piper stops him, God knows why.

_"Uh, uh, wait." _She stands up and walks over to him. _"I think it's time we talked."_

_"I don't think there's anything to talk about, Piper. It's your life." _While Dan says this the genie appears behind some chairs where nobody can see him.

_"Uh, Leo, can you give us a second please?"_

_"Yeah, yeah." _Leo looks a little annoyed by leaves none the less.

_"What do you expect from me? I really like to know because at this point I really don't know what to expect from you. I mean, how can you be with this guy after everything I found out about him? He's a fraud."_

_"Dan, I know who Leo is. I always have." _Piper said hesitantly.

_"What?"_

_"It's not that I don't appreciate everything you..."_

_"Wait, I've spent all this time worrying about you, worrying about who he is and you've known all along?"_

_"Well, uh, it's very complicated."_

_"Complicated, complicated."_ With that said, he leaves and Leo comes back in.

_"He's right, he deserves to know, but what am I gonna tell him? What am I gonna do? I wish there was somehow he could just move on with his life." _Piper says to Leo.

_"Your wish is my command."_ The genie said while pointing at himself, snapping his fingers, and leaving in that same puff of smoke.

"Wait, you almost chose him over Dad? Oh thank God, I really don't want that same greasy hair." Wyatt said with relief.

"Wyatt, it doesn't work that way. If Piper chose him over Leo, then you wouldn't be born bec-be-You had sex-ed figure it out yourself! Cause I really, _really _don't want to have this talk." As Chris said this everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Back on the TV - that everyone was now watching - Phoebe was laying on a couch in the attic and reading a book. All of a sudden the genie appeared causing TV Phoebe to jump in surprise.

_"Do not do that."_ Said Phoebe.

_"Is that a wish?"_ The genie asked hopefully.

_"No, it is not a wish."_

_"So, figure out how to get rid of me yet?"  
_  
_"Yeah, all I have to do is get you back in the bottle. I have no idea how to do that but I will figure it out."  
_  
_"Well, wish and it will be so. Otherwise, your only shot is if I volunteered to leave willingly and, uh, news flash," _Genie sits on the footstool where Phoebe's foot is resting and he hits her ankle _"that's not gonna happen."_

_"Ow!" _TV Phoebe shouts in pain.

_"I'm sorry. Look, could you stop trying to banish me just long enough for me to try a little something on you. It's-it's-it's wish free." _The genie starts massaging her foot. Phoebe starts to make these very disturbing noises.

_"Ow, ow, ow. Wow, ooh, oh. How'd you learn how to do that?" _

_"Little something a Sultan taught me."_

_"Um, just out of curiosity, what would you wish for yourself? I mean, you must of heard them all, right? So what would be your wish?"  
_  
_"That's easy. I wish for the little things, you know. Things people take for granted. I mean, the feeling of a sun tan, taste of ice cream, preferably chocolate. Sex. That looks like that could be a little bit of fun. To be human. Yeah, that's what I'd wish for. So what did you do to yourself here?"_

"Did anyone else notice how he looked at Phoebe when he said sex?" Chris asked.

"Oh yeah, he was so suggesting that." Paige agreed.

"No he wasn't." Phoebe denied.

"Well, you're the one with the most experience." Piper added helpfully.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" Wyatt asked.

"I second that." Agreed Leo.

_"I was demon dueling. One of my kicks was a little off-center."_

_"So, uh, did you finish them off with your scary witchy power?"_

_"No, that, that is my power."_

_"That's it?"_

_"That and Premonitions."_

_"You're a witch with no real powers? I mean, no, you know, Premonitions, those are - those are great but..."_

_"I know, I know. I mean, I would love an active power, but what can you do?" _The genie stands up.

_"You just done it." _Phoebe throws down the book, stands up and covers her mouth. _"And I know exactly where to get one."  
_  
_"Was that a...?"_

_"A wish? Yeah, yeah it was."_ He clicks his fingers and a choker disappears from around his neck. "_And that's three and I'm free."  
_  
_"Three? That wasn't even one."  
_  
_"That's three. I'm gone."_ The genie starts leaving.

_"Okay, if you're free then where's my power? Hello? Ge..." _Phoebe trailed off as he already left the attic.

"Where's he gonna get the power from?" Paige asked, curious.

"He steals it from that Dragon Warlock." Chris answered.

"How would you know that?" Leo asked suspiciously.

"I bet he was mad." Paige said.

"Pissed to be exact. I mean, he just came crashing through the door yelling like a ban-" Piper was cut off by Wyatt yelling again.

"Blahh! I don't wanna hear it!" Wyatt plugged his ears with his fingers, closed his eyes, and shouted like a five year old, this action caused Chris to roll his eyes. How he lived for eight years as The Source he had no idea

Prue car slams on the brakes and stops in front of the house and she gets out. Prue looks different though. This Prue looked younger, but in older Prue's clothes. She had bangs and braces.

_"Hey."_ She runs up the stairs. _"Piper, check it out. So the valet guy said that this cool ride is mine. Can you believe it? Ooh, who's the cute boy?"  
_  
_"Prue?" _TV Piper asked surprised, I mean it's not every day your sister comes home look like she's '17 Again', well, I guess in their case it is. Seriously, how many of them reverted back to teen age years? Three to be exact Prue, Phoebe, and Paige.

_"Hey, are you okay? I mean, don't take this the wrong way but you're looking kinda... old." _Prue said.

_"And – and you're back in braces."_ TV Piper and Leo look at each other; from upstairs you could hear TV Phoebe shout.

_"Help! Is anyone home? Prue? Piper?"_

"How she was the hot cheer leader in high school I'll never know." Chris said quietly, well not quite enough as everyone heard it.

"Oh well, then obviously you haven't seen Piper's pictures, I'd be happy to show you them." Phoebe said while smirking.

"Oh, I haven't seen them, but I have seen yours and all I have to say is, fish nets really?" Chris said, defending his Mom, kinda.

"Like you can say that bro, you were a little geek." Wyatt said happily.

"Yeah well Psh..." Chris trailed off embarrassed.

"_Where's my power? I want it back." _The Dragon Warlock came bursting through the door.

"_Who is that?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"A demon or something." _Piper answered then continued to Prue_ "You stay here." _

"_You stay."_ TV Phoebe repeated. Then TV Leo, Piper and Phoebe walk half way down the stairs.  
_"Remember what I told you about wishes and strings attached? That genie gave you a power, but he must of stolen it from him."  
_  
_"So are we thinking demon or warlock?" _TV Piper asked.

_"I don't know." _TV Phoebe replied. Well, that helps doesn't it? Then Prue comes down the stairs. What part of 'stay here.' does this witch not understand?  
_  
"Oh my God, who's the hottie?" _Oh crap! Prue's crushin' on a demon._  
_  
_"Oh my God, get her out of here now. Go." _Piper ordered. Leo takes her back upstairs. The dragon warlock breathes fire at them and Piper freezes it and him.

_"Okay."_

_"Okay, okay, all right."_ Phoebe hops down the stairs with Piper's help.

_"Easy." _Piper said.  
_  
"Okay, now what?" _Phoebe asked.

"_Well, we can't vanquish him if we don't know what he is."  
_  
_"So, why don't I just fly him outta here and dump him somewhere?"_

"_I don't know, can you do that?"_

_"I have no idea, but I can try to do that. I mean, I've always wanted an active power, right?"_

_"Uh huh." _Piper said a little hesitant.

_"So, let's see what it can do." _Phoebe retorted.

_"All right."_

_"All right." _TV Phoebe agreed. TV Phoebe raises her arms and she starts flying. She grabs the dragon warlock, he unfreezes and she flies outside.

_"Phoebe?"_ Phoebe flies above a park and drops him.

"Huh, well I guess your power didn't change much did it?" Paige asked. They all looked a little confused at this. "I mean, you got the power to fly, which I'm guessing was taken away, and then you got the power of Levitation. Pretty similar."

"Huh, never thought of that." Phoebe said quietly. On the screen, Leo and Piper were scanning a room, it looked like a cafe. Then they found who they were looking for. The genie sitting at a table and shoving food in his mouth. Piper freezes him and the restaurant and they walk over to him.

_"This guy's not a genie, he's a pig." _She unfreezes him._" Hi. Wanna know what I'm wishing for now?"  
_  
_" Look, uh, you're probably a little bit upset, huh?"_ The genie guessed.

_"No, I've moved past upset and straight to pissed off. You tricked us and now there's a warlock that's trying to turn us into witch kebabs."_

"Uh oh, he's got it coming. Piss of a Halliwell bad, piss of Piper Halliwell, well, let's just say good luck." Chris said.

"_Warlock? What warlock?"_ The genie asked with food in his mouth.

_"A dragon warlock. The one you stole the flying power from. You remember him?"_ Leo replied.

_"Wow, he came already? Wait a second. How did he know where to look for it?"  
_  
_"I don't know, you tell us." _Piper suggested.

_"Well, I didn't tell him. Look, they probably just tracked it somehow, that's all, I don't know. We're not partners. I got this gig on my own."_

_"Wait, wait, wait, wait. Gig? So somebody did send you. Who was it?" _Leo demanded.

_"Well, you see that's it, that's part of the genie client privilege thing. I couldn't possibly tell. Yeah, plus that and they'll kill me."_

"No, that's not the 'genie client privilege' that the 'you working with demons.'" Paige said.

_"They're gonna have to wait in line. All right, let's go." _Genie picks up some food. "_Put that down."_

"_All right, just one more." _Genie said.

_"Let's go. No. Put that down." _Piper repeats. Piper and Leo then each grab arm and start pulling him towards the door.

"_You know, you are a real kill joy."_

"Yeah, well, you don't have to live with her." Phoebe said. Piper glared at her. "Oh don't deny it, you know it's true. I mean, you're worse than Buss Killington."

_"You know what? You're going right back in that bottle, buddy."_ The genie disappears in a bright golden light and a puff of black smoke. _"What happened? Where did he go? I thought you said free genies don't have powers."  
_  
_"They don't. It's somebody who does must of wanted him, badly." _Leo answered.

"I hope those demons don't kill him, I really liked that genie." Paige said out loud.

"Why?" Leo questioned.

"I don't know. He's got spunk or whatever the word is." Paige said thoughtfully.

"He was annoying." Said no other than Piper.

"I think he was cute." Phoebe said with a twinkle in her eye.

"You are so lustful." Chris said.

"Yeah, I mean that's probably why you married a cupid." Wyatt said. Phoebe starred in surprise and a slap and a complain of 'Ow' was heard around the manor.

"This Coop is an angel? What is with us Halliwells falling for angels?" Phoebe asked still in a little bit of shock.

"He's not an angel, he's a cupid." Chris said irritated.

"There's a difference?" Piper asked, in which Chris replied with a careless shrug of his shoulders.

On the TV, Phoebe was in the manor living room talking on the phone with Darryl.

_"Hello?"_

_"When I first got the call, I naturally dismissed as a prank. But I realized it was Deputy Marrow on the other end."_

_"Okay, Darryl, can you speed this up because I'm kinda busy right now."_

_"What, flying? Now, see I've learned to interpret those pauses as admission."_

_"What did he see?"_

_"Actually it was his wife. She swore she saw a brown hair, young woman fly over the house earlier... without a plane."_

_"How about a broomstick?"_ TV Phoebe asked trying to lighten the mood.

_"Phoebe, this isn't funny. Just the fact that a call like that got brought up to me gives you some idea of the pressure that I'm under here." _From other room TV Piper yelled Phoebe's name.

_"In here." _TV Phoebe yelled in reply, then she said to Darryl._ "Okay, Darryl, I'm really sorry okay, it won't happen again but I gotta go bye, bye, bye." _Piper and Leo walk in._ "You didn't find the genie?"  
_  
_"We did, but then we lost him. Where's Prue?"_

_"Upstairs, reminding me what a pain she was at seventeen."_

_"Now you know why she was lucky to make it to eighteen."_

_"Why? What do you mean?" _Leo asked, cutting into the conversation.

_"Well, you remember it better than I do."_ TV Phoebe said to Piper.

_"It was Prue's rebellious stage. She thought everything bad was good, especially the guy she thought she was in love with."_

_"Until he attacked her." _Phoebe added.

_"What?"_

_"And Grams went crazy when she found out. Come to think of it, that guy disappeared not too long after that. You don't suppose Grams..." _The doorbell rings _"I'll get it. You go watch Prue." _Phoebe goes upstairs. Piper opens the door and a really old man is standing there. _"Can I help you?" _TV Piper asked the old man at the door.

_"Piper, why the hell is this happening to me?"_ The old man asked in a hoarse breathless. TV Phoebe comes running down the stairs.

_"Prue snuck out of her window, we have to go find her."_

_"Phoebe, that's Dan." _Chris and Wyatt erupted into laughter.

"Eww God...he is the ugliest...old man alive!" Wyatt said in between laughs.

"I bet even Leo would have looked better, ya know considering I hate him." Chris added, after the laughing fit.

"Hey that's not fair..." Piper trailed off, she couldn't say anything else, I mean, he was rather repulsing.

"He has like a six finger wide forehead, icky long white hair; he's more wrinkled than a prune... need I go on?" Paige asked. Leo laughed, he loved this.

"At least, his hair isn't greasy anymore." Phoebe said, trying to be nice.

"No, I bet his hair is still greasy. I mean, you don't just grow out of it." Wyatt said, wow that was probably the smartest thing he's said this whole time. Every one stared at him shocked. "Yeah, there's more going on up here than you know about."

"I think there's some stuff going on up there that you don't know about." Chris said. Prue and the dragon warlock are sitting in the car.

_"So, um, what you, you don't have a name?" _Prue asked.

"_I go by a lot of names. Depends where I am."_ Fire breather said vaguely.

_"So why are my sisters scared of you? Why did you come to our house tonight?"_

_"Because they have something that I want. Some thing's that mine. Are you scared of me?" _Prue laughs.

_"No."_ They start to kiss again the phone rings and Prue picks it up of the dashboard. _"God, it's ringing again. How do you turn it off?" _The dragon warlock presses a button. They continue kissing and he gets a bit rough._ "Easy. Okay, hey, hey, hey. Easy." _He grabs her around the neck and his eyes glow red.

Fire breather says in a demonic voice, _"Are you scared of me now?" _Prue screams and opens the car door, and runs away. The dragon warlock gets out of the car and the genie walks up to him. "_Won't be too long before she calls her sisters to come rescue her. It's the perfect trap."  
_  
_"You didn't hurt her did ya? Because I thought I heard screams."_

_"You've spent too much time with humans already. Developing a conscience." _He grabs the genie around the neck._ "If you want your freedom, you do exactly as I say. You understand?"  
_  
_"Absolutely."_ He lets go of the genie and walks off.

_"Looks like Prue wasn't so perfect after all." _Paige said happily, she always felt like she was being compared to Prue, so when she finds flaws in her it shows her that Ms. Perfect isn't so perfect.

_"Dan, I'm so sorry." _TV Piper says sadly.

_"I don't understand."_

_"This is going to be hard for me to explain and even harder for you to believe. We're witches. Prue, Phoebe and myself. And not your everyday kind of witches. We have supernatural powers that we use to fight off..." _she pauses and looks at Leo "_demons and warlocks. You know all the family emergencies that I used to have? Um, I never told you before because I didn't want you to be hurt because of it. I didn't want something like this to happen to you."  
_  
_"And I'm the same Leo Wyatt that died in 1942. I'm a White lighter, a guardian angel for witches." _

_"Yeah, right."_ Leo stands up and orbs out and then back in. Piper touches Dan's hand, but he pulls it away. She has this hurt sad face, again, God only knows why.

"Why did you care about Dan so much?" Chris asked bitterly.

"Yeah, why did you care so much, Piper?" Leo also asked.

"Uh, no comment..." Piper trailed off, honestly she had no idea why she cared for Dan so much, but it was all in the past who cares now anyway?

_"Piper!" _Piper and Leo walk out of the living room, when they hear TV Phoebe calling Piper's name. _"I just had a Premonition. I have no idea what it means..." _The phone rings and TV Piper answers it.

_"Hello?"_ The TV cuts to Prue. She's hiding in the bushes, talking on her cell phone. She's breathing heavily and crying.

_"Piper, thank God, you have to help me." _Cutting back to the manor.

_"Prue?"_

_"Where is she?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"Piper, he's trying to kill me... dragon... he's trying to kill me and I don't think he's human."_

_"Okay, calm down. Uh, where is he now?"_

_"I don't know. I think he's, he's following me. You have to come quick."_

_"Okay, Prue, where are you?"_

_"Golden Gate Park." _Prue answered.

_"Okay, listen to me. Go to the lake where dad used to take us fishing, remember? And hide under the bridge until we get there, okay?"_

_"I think he's coming."_

_"Prue? Prue?" _The phone goes dead.

_"What?"_ Asked TV Phoebe.

_"The dragon's after her." _Piper and Phoebe grab their coats.

_"It's a trap; you know it's a trap."_ Leo says, which makes Phoebe reply.

_"It doesn't matter, Leo, we have to go anyway."_

_"All right, well, at least, go with a plan. Try using your new power, fly over head, spot him before he spots you."_

_"All right."_ TV Piper kisses Leo in the cheek. _"Uh, stay with Dan. We'll be back."  
_  
"_You better be."_ said Leo.

"_We gotta hurry, it's gonna be light soon."_ Piper said urgently.

"Why doesn't she just use her powers?" Wyatt asked, dumbfounded, per usual.

"She's seventeen, and when she was seventeen her powers were bound, so she doesn't have them anymore. And if she did have them she wouldn't be able to use them." Chris answered. Wyatt just sat there with his head tilted to the side; it brought a whole new level to 'no body's home'. It was like he had a giant question mark floating above his head. Chris sighed, exasperated.

"Prue's powers go bye bye." Paige added helpfully. Realization dawned in Wyatt's eyes.

_"Leo! Leo!"_ Phoebe shouted urgently with tears streaming down her face. Leo comes in. Phoebe and Piper lay Prue on the kitchen floor.

_"What happened?"_

_"Never mind, just heal her. Quickly, come on." _Piper rushed. Leo kneels down beside Prue and holds his hands above her. His hands glow, but nothing happens. "_What's the matter? Why isn't it working?"_ Piper asked.

_"Leo."_ TV Phoebe said in a squeaky hoarse voice.

_"I can't heal the dead."_ TV Phoebe and Piper start to cry harder.

_"Yes, you can."_ Phoebe lays her head on Prue's body crying even harder. The screen cuts to the sun room where Piper and Phoebe are sitting on the wicker couch holding each other. Leo and the genie walk in.

_"What the hell is he doing here?"_ Phoebe demanded.

_"Wait, wait, just hear him out, he may have an idea."_ Leo said.

_"Listen, I'm so sorry. All I ever wanted was my freedom, that's it, that's all that I was thinking about. I'm just a genie..." _Genie tried to explain poorly.

_"Get to the point!"_ TV Piper yelled angrily.

_"He's willing to give up his freedom. Go back in the bottle and return everything to the way it was."  
_  
_"Even Prue?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"It should. I mean, technically teenage Prue is the one who got killed, not adult Prue."_

"Wait, that makes no sense. If teenage Prue got killed there would be no adult Prue." Paige yelled at the TV.

_"How do we know this isn't just another trick?"_ Piper questioned suspiciously.

_"Well, if it gets Prue back, you'll have the Power of Three to vanquish the dragon. What have you got to lose?" _Leo asked. Piper and Phoebe look at each other and then Phoebe takes the lid off the genie's bottle.

_"After you." _Phoebe says. The genie claps his hands once and rubs them together. He disappears into the bottle with that famous puff of smoke.

_"Try to fly." _Piper orders quietly. Phoebe flaps her arms around like a botard, but nothing happens. Phoebe runs in the kitchen and Leo and Piper run in the living room.

Cut to the kitchen. Prue changes back to an adult.

Into the living room. Dan changes back also.

_"Prue."_ Piper whispers. Leo and Piper head towards the kitchen. The screen cuts to the kitchen. Phoebe has Prue's head resting on her lap. Piper and Leo walk in.

_"It worked. Dan's..."_

_"No, it didn't."_

_"All it did was turn her back into her adult self, it didn't save her." _Leo said.

_"Wait, the genie's back in the bottle, so if we can get him out, then we have three more wishes, right?" _Piper asked.

_"All we need is one."  
_  
In the sun room, Piper comes running in heading towards the bottle. The dragon warlock crashes through the window and pushes Piper on the floor. The bottle gets knocked under a chair like in Phoebe's Premonition. Phoebe and Leo then come in. Dan comes in from the other room.

_"Piper?"_ Dan asks, bewildered.  
_  
"Dan get down!"_ Phoebe shouts. The dragon warlock turns around and blows fire at Dan. Dan dives on the floor. Phoebe kicks the dragon warlock in the stomach and he blows fire at her. Leo pulls her out of the way and they crouch around the corner.

_"You see where the bottle went?"_

_"No, I have no idea. Wait, yeah, in my Premonition. You distract him."_

_"Right." _Leo orbs out.

_"Too bad you don't have my power anymore." _Dragon head taunts. Leo orbs in behind the dragon warlock.

_"Hey, dragon breath, over here." _The dragon warlock turns around. Phoebe runs over to the chair and gets the bottle. The dragon warlock blows fire at Leo and he dives out of the way. Phoebe rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

_"I wish Prue were alive."_ The genie clicks his fingers, happily. _"Piper, go check on Prue." _Piper goes in kitchen.  
_  
"Where the hell did you come from?" _

_"Oh, no, no, that's where you came from."_ Genie retorts. Piper and Prue walk in.

_"The Power of Three will set us free; the Power of Three will set us free." _Prue and Piper start to chant, Phoebe then joins in. The dragon warlock com-busts into flames.

"How the hell did that spell work?" Chris demanded loudly.

"I have no idea. It's one of the cheapest spells in existence though." Paige agreed.

"Like your one to talk. May I remind you that your first spell sucked ass." Phoebe told Paige.

"It was my first spell, and it worked, also it was more than one line!" Paige yelled back.

"Whatever, you're still a hypocrite." Phoebe said childishly. On the television, the sisters wish that the genie could be free. Piper also wishes that Dan could move on with his life. Then the elders start to call TV Leo.

_"They're calling me, I've gotta go."_

_"Not so fast. If we're ever gonna make this work, I think I deserve to know a little bit more about you, don't you think?" _Piper asked.

_"What do you mean?" _Questioned a very confused Leo.

_"I mean, I'm going with you, Leo. I'd like to meet 'them'." _Piper answered.

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Positive." _Piper puts her arms around his neck. _"Take me to your leader."  
_  
_"Uh, Piper? Wh-wh-whatta?" _Phoebe stuttered

_"Don't worry, I'll be back." _Piper assured. They orb out.

_"Worried? I'm not worried; I mean, of course, they'll be back, right?" Phoebe asked._

_"Of course, I mean, why would we worry?_" Prue and Phoebe look at each other, obviously worried. Phoebe walks away. Prue looks at the door, raises her hand and uses her power to close it.

"Which reminds me I'm still mad at you for that. I mean you were gone for a month!" Phoebe yelled at Piper.

"Well, I'm still mad at you." Piper retorted.

"For what?"

"For dying your hair blond, I mean you looked kinda ditsy." Piper answered. Phoebe shrieked and started to leave the room. "Phoebe, come sit back down and choose the next episode." Phoebe reluctantly sat back down on the couch and started to look at the back of season 3's case.

* * *

**Okay I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. My step dad kept kicking me off the computer. Also my computer was being difficult so right now I'm on my grandmother's. Grr...oh well. You have it now right? Did you like it??? I already know what episode there going to watch, so you don't have to worry, or whatever. Cole's in the third season!! Can you wait? I love Coop don't get me wrong, but Cole is so...ahh!! Words don't describe how incredibly hot some of these Charmed men are. Oh yeah I kinda used some That '70s Show and Family Guy material in this. I mean lets face it, those shows kick comedy ass. So here.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, That '70s Show, or Family Guy. *Sigh***

**So push that green button and review to your hearts content.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay I feel really bad for not updating sooner. I'm not sure if I explained it to you guys before, but my computer was whacked up, and it's just very difficult. So fanfiction kept taking lines out of my chapter so I had to go to my grandmother's to fix and post the chapter. Again I am so very very sorry. They're going to watch 'Morality Bites'. My beta loves this episode and she wanted them to watch it. I can't just say no. So yeah leave a review saying what you want to have them watch next in season 4, and tell me if ya like it. Would you guys mind if we skipped to season 4? 'Cause I want to bring Paige in. So tell me what you think about that too. Lastly my beta actually helped me with this chapter 'cause I didn't know how to bring the episode up. **

**Oh yeah and my beta is...'Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell'**

**Disclaimer: My therapist says I don't own Charmed, or Drew Fuller.**

* * *

"Guys, I really don't want to watch season 3 yet," Chris said. Everyone looked at him surprised. "I – I just don't want to watch it. I mean, knowing Prue died that year…it's kind of creepy."

"Creepier than me?" Wyatt asked.

"Shut up!"

"I agree with Chris. I mean, I never knew Prue and watching her death… it just seems cruel." Paige added.

"We wouldn't watch that episode first," Phoebe commented. "Though I would like to know exactly what happened while I was in the Underworld."

"You weren't there?" Paige asked.

"It's a long story, but no I wasn't. You'll find out why when we get there though."

"Chris, what's on your mind?" Piper asked.

"Don't know. Phoebe's just—"

"Phoebe, will you quit thinking of Jason for two seconds!" Paige yelled.

"I'm not!" She defended.

"She's right, Paige." Chris said. "I wasn't referring to that. My mom used to tell me a bedtime story of when the three of you went to the future. Prue was blond, you and Leo were divorced. And uh…"

"Wait, Piper and Leo were divorced!" Paige shouts.

"Yep, and I'll tell you Piper was the one filing for it. I mean, really, who would want to be married to that bastard?!" Leo looked like her was going to argue but Paige interrupted again.

"Uh, what?" Paige asked.

"Melinda." Piper answered.

"Who's Melinda?" Paige asked. "Piper, you don't have to explain if—"

"No, it's okay. Here Phoebe, put the DVD in." Piper said, handing the season 2 case to her.

"There was an alternate future." Leo answered.

"I was burned at the stake."

"What? Phoebe, if it's in the future they wouldn't have…" Paige claimed.

"Oh, but they did. Watch." Phoebe said as she clicked 'Morality Bites.'

The TV screen showed Piper walking through back door holding groceries, and her shoe? Prue and Phoebe were in the kitchen too, with similar looks of disgust on their faces.

"Oh god, I hated that guy." Piper said.

"Why cause he almost killed me?" Phoebe asked. Piper shook her head.

"No 'cause damn it! I really liked those shoes."

"She's rather compassionate." Paige mumbled, too low for Piper to hear, but somehow everyone else heard and just had to smile, which of course made Piper suspicious.

_"What did you buy_?" TV Phoebe asks repulsed.

_"Doody."_ TV Piper retorts angrily.

_"We weren't out of that."_ Says Prue.

_"No, I stepped in it again. That man has turned our front walk into a puppy mine field."_

_  
"I cannot believe that guy still let's his dog do his business right in front of our house."_

_  
"Yeah, well, we've left notes."_ Prue said, as if it would actually work. 'Oh look a note saying to stop leaving dog crap on their lawn now I have to stop'. Moron .

_"And gotten nowhere."_ Piper replied.

_"Yeah, well, I've had it. The next time I catch him in the act, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind."_ Phoebe said angrily. You could hear a dog bark from outside the manor.

_"That couldn't be."_

_  
"Oh, I hope it is."_ They run to the window.

_"That's them. That's the guy and his dog. I can't believe it."_

_  
"That is so rude. He's just gonna walk away."_

_"Then don't let him. Use your magic. Well, if you can't teach the dog new tricks, how about the owner. Just think the money we'd save on carpet cleaning alone."_ Uh oh, Phoebe…

_"Phoebe, we can't use our magic just to teach him or anybody else a lesson." _Prue said, always the wise one.

_  
"Why not? It's for the greater good, I mean, I mean, that's our job, right? Think of it as community service. We'd be doing our whole block a favor. Come on."_ TV Phoebe opens a window while saying this._ "Okay, Piper." _She urged Piper to do her thing.

_"I hope he's not out of my range."_ She freezes the dork.

_"Prue..."_ Prue flicks the crap on his shoe. _"Nice shot." _TV Phoebe complemented while the guy unfreezes_. "An eye for an eye, a shoe for a shoe."_ The guy sees the crap on his shoe and tries to wipe it off. He looks around confused.

_"Ooh!"_ The TV Charmed one's say together and duck down so the man won't see them.

"Oh, I hate that guy." Chris says repeating his Mother's words from earlier.

"Why, 'cause he tried to kill me?" Phoebe also repeats, hopefully. She wished someone would think that. Chris stammered.

"Uh, uh, yeah that's why I hate him." He lied.

The real reason was that Wyatt had heard the stories before and thought he would make a good ally on his side. So, of course, Wyatt induced him with powers, god knows how. But unfortunately for Chris one of those powers was energy balls. Those damn energy balls singed his favorite shirt! Wyatt smiled he knew what his brother was thinking. Wyatt's thought consisted of 'Mwahahaha' over and over again. Being around his family made him less evil and more stupid.

_"Did he see you?"_ Prue asked nervously.

_"So what if he did? What's he gonna do? Cry witch?"_ The guy walks off. But actually Phoebe that's exactly what he's going to do. _"Well, we've done our good deed for the day. I think I deserve fifteen minutes of channel surfing."_

_"Who wants coffee?"_ Anything to get in the kitchen Piper.

_"I'll grind."_ TV Prue and Piper go into the kitchen. TV Phoebe sits on the couch and turns on the TV. The news report is about Cal Greene. Phoebe has a Premonition. She makes a crying noise and Prue and Piper come in.

_"Phoebe, are you okay?"_ Prue asks her sister, worried.

_"Take a deep breath, honey, it's alright_." TV Piper instructed calmly.

_"No, it's not. I saw my future. I was being executed. Burned alive."_ TV Phoebe says while shaking, Then the credits roll around.

"Well, that was anti-climatic." Chris says breaking the tense silence.

"I always knew I made the right choice with him." Wyatt said, he didn't elaborate so it was rather confusing for the people who weren't from the future. Realization dawned on the smart Charmed one (Piper).

"Are you saying you hired that man!" She screeched so loud that I'm surprised that only dogs couldn't hear it. Everyone flinched away from Piper's banshee impression. You have to admit she would make one hell of a banshee.

"Mom—" Wyatt started but of course was cut off by Piper.

"That's it your grounded!" Wyatt started to smile, dumb ass.

"I'm 24, Mother, you can't ground me."

"Oh, we'll see about that. I have a mini you up there that will never see day light again. He'll be home-schooled, and he will never get a girlfriend. That's it, Wyatt!" Mini Wyatt Orbed into Piper's arms and looked up at her with his innocent big baby blue eyes. Piper's expression immediately softened.

"Oh, well hello, baby." She sat down with Wyatt in her lap like nothing happened. They all looked at her shocked, well except mini Wyatt. He was playing with a strand of Piper's pretty long hair. Seriously how does she get it like that?

They were going to ask what was wrong with her, but their eyes were directed towards the TV by an unknown source. The TV showed the manor's attic. TV Leo suddenly appeared in those gorgeous blue orbs. He walked over to the Book and starts to flip through the pages, magically of course. He hears the sister's coming and Orbs out with the pages still flipping. The fake sisters walk into the attic to see the pages flipping.

_"So, what did he want?"_ TV Prue asked TV Piper as they walked towards the Book of Shadows.

_"He cancelled our date. He's working again."_

_"You didn't ask him what to do?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"He had to fly ...literally. The pages were doing that flipping thing on their own again." _Piper pointed out.

_"It's a spell to take us to the future."_ As Prue said this Chris smiled. Like he said earlier, all time travel movies or shows kick ass!

_"Two actually. One to send us, one to bring us home, but apparently we only get one shot. Once we use it they disappear." _Piper said, obviously getting the information from the book.

"_Wait a minute, you guys. We almost died going back to the past. This is not something that you just do." _Phoebe tried to reason with them.

_  
_"_We're talking about your life, Phoebe."_ Said Prue.

"_And I'm talking about yours, Prue. I'm just saying I think we should think this over a little bit."_

_  
"Look, you had that Premonition today for a reason. It must mean that we're supposed to do something about it. And going to the future might be the only way to find out what you did to put you on that pyre."_ Prue retorted.

_"How do you know it's something that I did? I mean, it might be a demon or a warlock that puts me there."_

_  
"Do you really want to wait to find out? Okay, pack your bags, we go, try to figure out what happened and hopefully come back with enough information to stop it. We're gonna need a date, Phoebe."_ Prue said while picking up the Book of Shadows and carrying if off to the table in the attic. Piper and Phoebe followed and sat on the floor.

_  
"February 12, 2009. That's two weeks before the date I saw in my Premonition."_

_  
"All right, that should give us more than enough time to figure out what put you there."_

_"I wonder how I look?" _Piper thought out loud. Well, that's a little self-centered. Thinking about your looks when Phoebe's being burned at the stake! Plus, I thought the self-centeredness was Prue's job.

_"Piper, you look great, but this is hardly the time..."_ Phoebe said a little ticked. I mean who wouldn't be? She's dying and her sister is thinking about her looks!

_"Not now, in the future. When we went back to the seventies we saw ourselves as kids and now we'll be seeing ourselves walk around ten years older. All that vanquishing. Think of the wear and tear." _Piper clarified.

_"Okay."_ Prue says while lighting a match and and watching it burn a piece of paper. _"Hear these words, hear the rhyme." _

_"We send to you this burning sign." _Piper continued.

_  
_"_Then our future selves will find." _Phoebe rhymed.

_"In another place and time." _Prue finished. White orbs carried them off. They flashed orange and the screen cut to outside the Manor. It showed the sky changing day from night. It did this three times then cut to inside the Manor. Future Piper was laying down on the couch and past Piper's soul got placed into her body. A little girl ran up to Piper.

_"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"_ She shouted while tapping Piper's arm. Piper freaks and jumps up from the couch.

_"Uh, I think you have the wrong house. Certainly, the wrong Mommy."_

_"Stop fooling."_ The little girl hugs Piper. A car honks outside the TV manor. _"Car pool." _The little girl runs off and Piper looks in the mirror.

_"Ooh."_ She sees a wedding ring on her finger. **_"Ooh!" _**A report about Phoebe shows up on the TV.

_"Phoebe. Where's the volume?" _She looks around for a remote, but the TV gets louder on its own. Chris rolled his eyes while Wyatt snorted out loud. Everyone looked at them questioningly. Wyatt turned to look at Chris who shook his head 'No'. Wyatt smirked at turned his head back to his younger family.

"In 2009 they don't have TVs like that. Phoebe - "Aunt" Phoebe shouted in the background, but he just ignored it - doesn't get that brain frying power either." Everyone looked happy at this shared information. Well, everyone except Chris.

"Ugh!" Phoebe shouted in annoyed protest. She really wanted that power.

"Hey. is that little girl me in an alternative future?" Wyatt asked curiously. Chris shook his head sadly and didn't comment. It's not like it would do any good. As said earlier, a Wyatt around his family was a very stupid dumb Wyatt. On the screen TV Piper, her daughter, and a neighbor were in the manor.

_"Morning, Piper. You all right?" _The neighbor asked.

_"I guess."_

_  
"Yeah, with your sister, it's rough, I know. So, don't worry about your little one. I'll get her to school like you asked but uh, are you sure you want me to take her to your ex's?"_

_"Ex? As in husband? As in mine? Yes, if that is what I told you, then yes."_

_  
"So, you and him are getting along better now?"_

_"Maybe. Prue? Prue?"_ The neighbor gave Piper a weird look before looking over to the little girl.

_"Okay, let's hit the road." _The neighbor leaves while the girl nods her head. She then runs over to Piper and gives her a hug while whispering in her ear.

_"Don't worry, Mommy. I promise I'll do what you ask. I won't use my magic again ever." _The little girl runs off to get in the car. The car leaves with a very fake 'Zoom' noise. After the car pool left, a black stretch limbo pulls up. The door opens and reveals a blond Prue. She was dressed in a black leather halter top, a tight black leather skirt, and black heals. To put it simply she looked like a slut. Chris grimaces.

"Ugh!" He said in disgust. It's not that she didn't look good it was just to see his Aunt dressed that way. It made him want to corrupt her. Nah, he just wanted to grab her a robe. Wyatt took Chris' groan of disgust as a complement to her.

"I know it's brilliant!" He shouted. An idea started to form in his head, let's just say that his demon followers were going to have uniforms. Their eyes flicked over to the TV, but a sobbing noise stopped them. They all looked at Piper to see her crying.

"Piper, honey, what's wrong?" Phoebe asked. Piper started to say something but she started to choke on her tears. After a helpful Leo patted her on the back, she sniffled and looked up. Her cheeks were red, her nose was red, and her eyes were rimmed with red. Yeah she was very red.

"I just miss her so much." They looked confused.

"Prue?" Paige asked.

"No, well yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. I miss Melinda. I mean, how do I know what happened to her? Does she just not exist anymore? Because I kinda feel like after changing the future I killed her. I killed my own daughter!" She started to cry again. Paige and Phoebe tried to comfort her, but they honestly didn't know what to say. The younger sister's looked at Wyatt for help. He just shrugged and continued to stare at the ceiling, bored. They sat their helpless.

Chris hated to see his Mother cry. In the future, he was always closer to his Mom. They would spend a lot of time together. He had to do something, anything.

"Piper," Phoebe, Paige, and Leo looked up surprised. "I really, really shouldn't be saying this, but I will. You didn't kill your daughter. Well, the thing is she's not your daughter." Every one stared at him shocked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Leo shouted angrily. He hadn't actually met the girl, but Piper told him the story.

"Well the thing is that she's actually Phoebe's. You see the thing is, the future can change so fast. I mean me being here is...crazy! Because you changed the future somehow – in the crazy ways of time travel – Phoebe got impregnated and she had a little girl named Melinda that looks exactly like the girl on TV. I actually have a theory about that. I think that she was Phoebe's in the other future too, but she gave her to you when she got captured by the witch hunters." The sisters, and Leo stared at him. Something occurred to Piper.

"Then how come Leo said that she was our daughter?" She asked while sniffling. Chris smiled already expecting this question.

"That is because he is a delusional bastard." Wyatt chuckled and the sisters clamped their hands over their mouths trying to stop the laughs. "Now there's that smile I was hoping for." Chris said to Piper. Leo glared at Chris. Phoebe couldn't hold it in any longer.

"By Coop right?" Phoebe asks. "I got impregnated by Coop? The cupid..." She trailed off. She still couldn't believe it. She marries a cupid!

"No, by Cole." Wyatt says sarcastically. But Phoebe - somehow - actually believed it.

"Are you serious?"

"No, god learn to take a joke. Even if it was a really bad joke, Wyatt!" Chris said while glaring at his dumb ass of an older brother.

"Well, it's not my fault that they don't know humor."

"Yeah, but it's a Cole joke. You can never joke about Cole. They'll freak." Chris explained. Wyatt just stared at Chris as if to say 'So what?' Chris smacked him upside the head. His head spun towards the TV, and everyone followed suit. On the screen Prue is beating away these two people with her hands.

_"Hey, hey. Okay, enough! People stop touching me. Stay, stay, stay."_

_  
"Prue, what's going on?" _TV Piper asks.

_"I don't know, but I could really get used to this. Check me out. I don't just work at Bucklands, I own it. And three more. Paris, Tokyo and London."_

_  
"And you're blond." _

Prue picks up a piece of her horrible fake blond hair and replies._"Yeah, strange."_

_"Wait, you had time to go to work already?"_

_  
"Well, actually, I woke up there, but it was amazing. I had all these assistants and this huge office and I have a chauffeur and he's so totally hot. How'd you do?"_ Piper laughs incredulously. _"Is that a good thing or ...?" _They walk inside the manor and continue to the living room.

_"Well, if you ignore my apparently failed marriage and the fact that I still live in the manor."_

_  
"You're married?"_

_  
"Was. My daughter is on her way..." _Piper's cut off by Prue.

_"Wait. Stop right there. You have a daughter?"_

_  
"Yeah, and, and, and she's beautiful." _Piper stutters. She shows her a photo of her daughter in a ballerina outfit.

_"Of course she is. What's her name?" _Prue asks curiously.

_"Oh God. I don't know. But she has powers. But for some reason, I told her not to use them. Why would I do that?"_

"Because you want a normal life?" Paige guessed. I mean, she says it enough you would think they knew the answer by now.

"No," Phoebe protested. "It's 'cause of the witch trials. She doesn't want her to get bur-rned." Her voice broke on the word burned. It was a horrible memory and left feelings of wanting to kick Pratt's ass.

"Phoebe, are you okay?" Piper asked in her Mother voice. Phoebe smiled.

"I will be. You know once Nathaniel gets what he deserves."

"A swift kick in the ass?" Paige guessed.

"No! Wait, yeah." Once that very *cough* *cough* heartwarming conversation was over they continued to watch the TV.

_"Oh, surprise. Here we go, up the stairs, into the attic, grabbing the __Book of Shadows__, please tell me we're not gonna be doing this in ten years." _Prue said to Piper. When they got in the attic they found the wooden stand barren.

"Oh you will be." Wyatt said.

"Well, not for long seeing as the world's at war." Chris retorted.

"That you started." Leo said, still in denial. He in no way was going to believe that Wyatt, his pride and joy, that sweet little angel sitting in Piper's lap, was going to make the world go to hell. It had to be Chris. It was the only logical explanation.

"Oh, you are so full of it." Chris said angrily.

"Okay boys, back to your corners." Paige interrupted, preventing the fight. They both huffed angrily before turning their eyes to the TV.

_"Apparently not."_

_  
"What?" _Prue asked astonished.

_  
"The __Book__ is gone." _Piper continued.

_"It's got to be here, we need it to find the return spell."_

_  
"Prue ..." _Piper started, she was going into panic mode.

_  
"Piper, just help me look for it."_

_  
"Okay, relax, we'll find it." _She agreed with her horribly blond haired older sister.

_"You don't know that. I mean, what if it's lost, what if we can't find it? Then we're stuck in our future bodies with no way of getting out of them and no way of saving Phoebe." _Prue waves her arm and her power destroys the attic.

"Ooh! Been working out?"

_  
"I guess that's a little sample of what ten years does to our powers."_

_  
"And to our attic." _Piper then notices a key under the tipped over stand._ "A key." _She picks it up and shows it to Prue.

_  
"It's the key to my wall safe at Bucklands."_

_  
"Do you think that means it's there? We've never taken the __Book__ out of the house before."_

_  
"Yeah, we haven't but maybe our future selves have. The question is why?"_

_  
"We don't even know what we're like in this time, Prue, let alone what we think, but if the __Book__ is at Bucklands? Maybe it'll give us some answers." _

_  
"All right, then we'll go there first, then to Phoebe to see if she's alright." _They walk towards the door. Something then occurs to Prue. "_Sorry about the mess."_

_  
"Mmm hmm."_

"Damn." Wyatt says out loud.

"I know, she's blond!" Paige shouts at the same time Chris shouts "They better find that book."

"They better find the Book so they can save me right?" Phoebe asked, hopeful.

Chris snorts "Yeah, that's why."

"Okay, first, of you are both wrong. I mean, look at that fire power! I so know who I'm going to resurrect next." Wyatt interrupted.

"Right now?" Piper asked, excitedly.

"No in the future. Of course she won't be willing join me, so I think a trip to the torture chamber is in order."

"Why don't you just brain wash her while you're at it." Chris said angrily.

"Hmm," He said thoughtfully "I could do that. It is less blood too. The torture chamber is starting to smell a little bad. I think it's all the blood."

"No need to get your hands dirty right?" Chris said sarcastically.

"That's right!" Wyatt said happily. On the TV, Phoebe was standing in a cell. She had long straight brown hair. It looked quite good on her. She was also in a dark red jail suit.

_"Hello? Hello? Could somebody please answer me? I really need to talk to someone. Okay, how about a snack? Maybe some crackers, peanuts, something?" _A tray full of disgusting food slides under the floor._"A tray full of goo? Hey, wait a minute." _She touches the glass and gives her a shock. _"Don't I even get a phone call?"_

_"Shut up, witch!" _Real Phoebe starts to cry. The memories they were getting to her. The flames dancing on her skin. The cheers in the background. The chains digging into her wrist and the penetrating guilt for using her powers for revenge.

Chris could relate. His life was hell. He remembered all of his family member's deaths clearly. Them falling to the ground. The blood flowing freely and the spark of life leaving their eyes, leaving them glazed over. He knew what his Aunt was thinking and pulled her into a gentle hug. She accepted it greatly and continued sobbing. Paige didn't like to see her sister cry, so she tried to ease the tension with her special humor.

"You look great with long hair, Phoebe." She started. Phoebe smiled in thanks. "You should really grow it out. Your short hair makes you look old. I can see wrinkles." She joked, a little. I mean, she does look rather old with the short hair. Phoebe glared at her the best she could but it was really hard to when you laughing, and crying. She dug her head deeper into Chris' chest while everyone continued to watch the TV.

_"I can't believe you get a limo and a driver and I've still got my same old car." _TV Piper complained.

_"You have a husband."_ TV Prue said as if to say 'and I don't.'

_"Had a husband. I'm getting divorced remember? And how do you know you don't have a guy in this time? I mean, after all, I have a kid and an ex, you could have several." _

_  
"Ex's?"_

_  
"No, kids. I mean, we're in the future, but with no memory of the past ten years. I don't even know who my ex-husband..." _A guy holding a cup of coffee bumps into someone and Piper freezes him before it spills. They look around and notice everything is frozen.

"Holy crap!" Paige exclaimed. "Do you think you have that power in the future?" Wyatt answered her question before Chris could stop him.

"Actually you power of freezing and blowing stuff up has manifested into your eyes. The cool thing is it's grown like ten times stronger and you have complete control of it. You haven't blown someone up yet." Piper smiled an unsteady smile. The future changes who knows now she might not have control over it and blow someone up. Then she would get charged for murder... Her thoughts just rambled into panic mode like that for a while.

"_Okay, apparently my power isn't the only one that's grown. You just froze..."_

_  
"Everything. What a difference a decade makes." _Leo comes out of nowhere with a very weird face on.

_"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded._

_  
"Leo, I'm so glad you're here. I have so many..." _She goes to hug him, but he backs away with a disgusted look on his ugo 2009 face. _"Uh...what's wrong?"_

_  
"You know, I knew you'd do something stupid like this. You used you magic in public. What's the matter with you? Are you insane?"_

_  
"Uh, Leo..."_ Prue reminded Piper.

"Remember he thinks we know what's going on."

_"You wanna end up like your sister? Huh? We had an agreement. No using magic for Melinda's sake." _

_  
"Melinda?" _Piper asked confused.

"_Our daughter. What's wrong with you?" _He asked in a squeaky voice.

_"Our daughter?"_

_"Wait a second, you're Piper's ex?" _Prue realizes rather slowly. I think the leather is cutting off the blood flow. A woman walks around the corner and sees everything frozen.

"_Witch!"_ She shrieks loudly.

_"Okay, what's going on here?"_

_  
"Prue..." _Piper starts, going to her big sister for help per usual. I don't know why though. She's blond now that means her brain cells are dying and quickly. Oh wait, she was pointing to posters that said "Rid the evil. Turn in witches". But I stick to my statement.

_"Over there! Witch!"_ Everyone unfreezes and they run away.

_"All right, hurry, we gotta get outta here before they see you." _Leo said to the very confused sisters.

_  
"They?"_ Piper questioned.

_"The witch hunters."_ The TV flickers to the prison cell. Phoebe is sitting Indian style on her cot. She looks sad but then a loud buzzing noise is heard. Her head snaps up.

_"Prue? Piper?" _Nathaniel comes up to the window.

_"They haven't come to visit you before. Why would they come now? They're gonna be as happy to get rid of you as I am." _

_  
"Who are you?"_

_  
"I'm sorry. It's been so long since our last visit. Executions are a bitch to plan. Logistics, alerting the media, gathering the kindling." _

_  
"Uh, you know, I've had a lot of time to do some thinking about why I'm here." _Phoebe started, but was interrupted by Pratt.

_"No amount of thinking will affect the outcome. Just as well been served for the crime."_

_  
"Wasn't really a big crime was it?"_

_  
"You are truly evil. What bigger crime is there than taking a man's life?"_

_  
"I killed someone?" _She choked out.

_"Phoebe, what is this? An attempt to stay your execution? Plead insanity? It won't work. You have five hours to live. Tick tock."_

_  
"What? Five hours? But that's not possible."_

_  
"Well, I'm happy to see the seriousness of this crime has finally hit you. See, you represent everything I appoar. You're a threat. A danger to everything that is good and pure in our world."_

_  
"You're talking out of fear. Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it evil."_

_  
"No, it's you who doesn't understand. You killed a man using your power and now you're gonna die because of it. I only wish I could burn all of your kind with you. But don't worry, in time I will. This is only the beginning." _Real Phoebe started to cry again.

"If it helps you, I did some research and I found out that Cal hurt one of your friends. You were pissed and wanted revenge. The bastard deserved much worse trust me." Chris said like it lessened the guilt.

"Yeah, there's nothing wrong with wanting revenge." Wyatt said but more evil.

"But I killed a man. An innocent man. Well not innocent, but as a witch my job is to save the innocent not punish the guilty."

"Okay, if this helps any. He murdered one of your friends. Right after raping her. You found out and thought he deserved more than a 'not guilty'." Chris continued. It helped to know the facts. But still it doesn't make it any less painful. He saw this and hugged her again. Paige and Piper got up and went to hug her too. Chris let go he knew it was a sister job. He let them take the couch and reluctantly took Piper's seat by Leo. Once Phoebe stopped crying and just sniffled they continued to watch the TV.

_"Leo, listen to me. The two of us, the Prue and Piper that you see before you are from the past. From ten years ago." _Prue tried to convince Leo.

_"So, we have no idea what is going on."_ Piper added.

_"Don't even lie to me. Right, Phoebe is set to die today and I only hope that this madness dies with her. Right, these people are in danger because of the witch trials she started."_

_  
"How? How did she start them?" _Prue asks.

_"You know, I don't know what you hope to accomplish by pretending not to know..." _Piper pulls him into a very, very deep kiss. _"You haven't kissed me like that since..."_

_"Since this morning. 1999, remember? We were supposed to meet, you had to leave, I went up to the attic and this is where I came, the future. If you don't believe me, at least believe what you feel, trust that."_

_  
"I remember that was the day 'they' sent me up to the attic to open the __Book of Shadows__, the future spell."_

_  
"Wait, that was you? We just assumed it was Grams." _Prue interrupted.

"_No, it was me. They didn't tell me why. What, you don't know what's happened the last ten years? These people, they're here underground because they've been accused of practicing witchcraft."_

"Like Father like Son." Wyatt said out loud. Luckily Chris was the only one who heard and smacked him upside the head. He hated being compared to his Father. And just because Chris set up a Resistance to protect people and Leo did the same thing in some alternative messed up reality means nothing, NOTHING!

_"They're witches?"_ Prue asked.

_"Some of them. Most of them have been falsely accused. They're safe here for now."_

_  
"What did Phoebe do?"_

_  
"Six months ago she killed a man. Cal Greene."_

_  
"The baseball player?" _Piper asks.

_"This is crazy. I mean, Phoebe would never hurt anyone." _Prue defends.

_"She hurt him because he murdered someone. Someone Phoebe cared about very much. A dear friend who he brutalized. But a technicality set him free. Phoebe was furious, outraged. And that's when she crossed the line from protecting the innocent to punishing the guilty. She used her power to kill Greene, got caught, and her magic exposed by Nathaniel Pratt."_

_  
"And this is the result modern day witch trials with Pratt at the helm?"_

_"And Phoebe at the stake. I don't buy it. Her power can't kill." _

"Yeah seriously, what is she going to do Premonition him to death. 'Feel the wrath of my weird face when I have a premonition! Mwhahaha!'" Paige interrupted. Phoebe glared at her. Her face didn't look that weird did it?

_"Well, it can now. It's been ten years. All your powers have grown."_

_  
"We have to get to Phoebe and explain." _Piper told them.

_"You can't. All right, as it stands, you and Prue are safe. Pratt checked you out and he doesn't suspect you're witches. To get to Phoebe you'd have to use your powers and then they'll catch you then kill you."_

"Leo, she's our sister. We're not gonna let her die."

_  
"Wait, I'll go."_

_"Leo, this is our sister. We have to."_ Prue protested.

_"No. I'm still your guide. I can Orb in and keep you out of danger."_

_  
"Fine. Then we'll go back to Buckland's and get the __Book__ and get the spell to get us home."_ Piper reasoned.

_"We'll meet you at the manor." _

_  
"Leo, um, we got married?"_ TV Leo smiles.

_"Piper, later. We'll have plenty of time later."_

"Wait!" Wyatt shouted. "I'm confused, why in the name of all that is powerful, is Prue blond?" He asked like he just noticed. Well he probably did just notice.

"Yeah, seriously who writes this crap?" Chris asked.

"You know this is our life so that's kinda insulting." Phoebe said. They just stared at her. She groaned and continued to watch the TV.

_"Miss Halliwell, can you sign the P.O..." _Everyone starts talking at once.

_"Give the woman some air. She will meet with all of you after lunch. Thank you." _They go into Prue's office._ "Okay, good news first. The requisition paper work was approved and..."_ Piper enters her office. _"Yes?"_

_"I'm with her."_ Piper answers. The woman looks at Prue confused.

_"It's Piper. My sister."_

_  
"Oh, right, sorry. Almost forgot you had another one, I mean other than..." _She doesn't continue the very uncomfortable sentence.

_"That's okay, I forgot your name too." _Piper says.

_"Anne. Miss Halliwell's personal assistant."_

_  
"Anne, right, my personal assistant. By the way Anne, um, do you know if my husband called by any chance?" _Anne laughs.

_"Husband, good one. Very funny. Like you have the time. Okay, I just need to get your final okay on the acquisition. Your sister was amazing. I mean, at first the board was a little resistant, what with the layoff it would entail, but Prue pushed it through."_

_  
"I did?" _

_  
"I thought to hell with the little people part was particularly persuasive."_

_  
"Okay, Anne, sweetie, I really need some private time with my sister, so if you can just..."_

_  
"Oh, no problem, just buzz me."_ Anne leaves.

"Well she was rather..." Phoebe trails off not knowing how to put it in a nice way.

"Snobbish, annoying, bitchy?" Paige offered. Phoebe nodded her head in acceptance to all of them.

_"Look at me. All right, I am booked with work, I'm about to lay off countless people with a flick of my pen, no man to speak of."_

"That's not much different." Leo says insultingly not noticing how good of a burn that was.

_"Maybe you're just picky." _Piper suggested.

_"What's happened to me? Okay, well, I could dwell on the nightmare that my life has become, but we have work to do. At least some things around here haven't changed." _She opens the wall safe and gets out the Book of Shadows.

_"Okay, it should be after the demon with the tusk and before the spell to discourage a lover." _They look for it in the Book, but it's not there._ "Where is it? It was here in 1999."_

_"Yeah, and now it's gone. So, if the spell can only been used once, that must mean that our future selves have already used it. Which means..."_

_  
"We have no way of getting home."_

"How did you get home?" Paige asks.

"The elders sent them home." Leo answers.

"Ahh." On the TV Phoebe was in a prison cell and Leo just orbed in.

_"Leo, oh, thank God. Look, I know what they think I did and if you just..."_

_  
"Shh ... they'll hear you."_

_  
"Where's the rest of the cavalry?"_

_"They're not coming."_

_  
"So, what, you'll grab me and we'll just Orb and we'll meet them back at the..."_

_  
"Phoebe ... I'm sorry."_

_  
"For what? Did something happen to my sisters?"_

_  
"No body's gonna rescue you." _Phoebe laughs.

_"If that is some kind of Whitelighter humor, let me be the first to tell you, you are not a very funny race of people."_

_  
"I wish you remembered what you'd done. It'd make this so much easier. Your future self used witchcraft for vengeance, Phoebe. Pratt is using that as a plan for him."_

_  
"Why does everyone think I killed someone? I wouldn't. I mean, I couldn't. What did I do? Premonition the man to death? My power is passive." _

_  
"Not in the future. It's grown. As have you. Which means unfortunately you have to suffer two consequences."_

_  
"I don't believe it."_

_  
"Then believe what you see." _He hands her a newspaper clipping. Phoebe has a premonition. In it she held her hands either side of Cal Greene's head without touching and electricity-like power came out of her hands and killed him.

_"Oh my God. What have I done?" _Leo Orbs out. _"Help me!" _

"I'M SO EVIL!" Phoebe wails.

"Phoebe, you didn't even do that. You have changed so much. You wouldn't hurt any good living being. Phoebe, it'll be okay." Piper tried comforting her sister.

"I guess it could have been worse." She said quietly. They sighed in relief. It was hard comforting a Halliwell. They're just too damn stubborn.

_"You wanna tell me how screwed we are?" _TV Piper asked TV Prue.

_"Pretty screwed." _

_  
"Thanks. I wonder what's taking Leo so long?" _They're looking through the Book of Shadows.

_"Some of the pages are marked. The top corners are turned down and all of them are new spells." _Prue told Piper.

_  
"Such as?"_

_  
"Like, here's a spell to create a door, one to induce slumber, a glamour to change ones appearance. Some of them have these baggies attached."_

_  
"This must be potions of some kind."_

_  
"But what about these? Okay, one to create money, to bend someone's will, to erase a memory, a binding spell."_

"That seems kinda personal gainy." Paige told the TV as if they could hear her.

_"Binding? What are all these marked for?"_

_  
"This must of been our future selves plan to break Phoebe out. But something is bothering me. Clearly some of these spells are for personal gain."_

_  
"Which would break the most basic of Wicca rules. We wouldn't do that."_

_  
"We wouldn't. But maybe in ten years our future selves would." _Prue said to Piper. Leo walks in.

_"Perfect timing. We found the book but we can't ... Where's Phoebe?"_

_  
"Where is she?" _Prue repeats Piper's question.

_"She's in prison where she belongs."_

_  
"Leo, you were supposed to bring her back here!"_

_  
"No, I said I'd go to her. And I did. To explain to her why she has to pay for her crime."_

_  
"You're our guide, you're supposed to protect us and you're just gonna let her die!"_

_  
"You're signing her death warrant."_

_  
"I'm to protect the greater good. If Phoebe lives, if you use your magic to save her, then the persecutions will continue. And our daughter will grow into a world where her powers punishable by death. Do you want that?"_

"That's low Leo even for you." Chris said to him.

_  
"Of course not."_

_  
"Well, then it has to end with Phoebe. She has to die."_

_  
"Like hell." _Piper freezes Leo.

_"Relax. We've seen what your new powers can do when you're angry."_

_  
"He's gonna stay frozen right?"_

_  
"If he knows what's good for him, he'll stay frozen." _Everyone laughs at that. Piper...

_"Alright, let's get the spell." _The TV cuts to Pratt.

_"Now, some people say this is a victory for me. But I say here's a victory for us all. For today the blight on everything that is good in our world, will be extinguished. Tonight, the witch will burn!"_ Again Phoebe started to cry, seeing herself get burned was really taking a toll on her. On the TV Prue and Piper are outside Leo's house in Piper's car.

_"Piper, if you're gonna do this, you'd better hurry. Leo can unfreeze and be home any second. Besides, Phoebe has less than an hour." _She gets out of the car. She looks through a window and sees Melinda playing. Piper is holding a bind spell. Leo orbs in behind her.

_"You can't do it can you?"_ He asks her.

_"No. Our grandmother did it to us for protection."_

_  
"You don't have to bind her powers, Piper. We agreed that I'd take care of her and I will, I promise."_

_  
"I know you will. So we were together. Does that mean you clipped your wings for me?"_

_  
"No. You wouldn't let me. We tried to make it work with her powers, and it didn't, and all this happened."_

_  
"Were we happy? Just for a little while were we happy?"_

_  
"Very."_

_  
"Are you gonna try and stop us?"_

_  
"I can't do that."_

_  
"I hope you understand why I have to do what I'm doing."_

_  
"Yeah."_

_  
"What are we gonna do?"_

_  
"What we always do."_

_  
"Talk about it later."_ Piper gets back in the car. Prue looks upset. _"What is it? What's wrong?"_

_  
"I have no one to say goodbye to. My life, they didn't even know who you were at the office, my own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read 'Here lies Prue, she worked hard'."_

_  
"We're not gonna die. We're gonna find a way back to the present and we'll create a new future."_

_  
"What if we can't? What if we can never get home? According to Phoebe's Premonition, we fail."_

_  
"Our future selves fail. We still got a shot."_

_  
"You're right, you're right. Let's go get Phoebe."_

"That was really sweet." Chris says. Everyone turns to stare at him. He has a disgusted look on his face.

"Really?" Wyatt asks disbelieving.

"More like puke-inducing. But it was still nice to see you guys together." He tried to drop a hint. The hint being 'Get back together already damn it!' They didn't take it. They turn to watch the TV again. Prue and Piper are outside a very, very big wall.

_"So far so good."_ Prue says to Piper.

_"Normal people usually break out of prison."_

_  
"Nothing about this is normal."_

_  
"To create a door, okay."_

_  
"No place like here."_

_  
"Okay." _Piper draws a door on the wall with her finger.

_"Kinda small for us, dontcha think? When you find your path is blocked, all you have to do is knock." _Piper knocks. The door opens and they walk inside. The screen cuts to guards hand cuffing Phoebe. Cutting back to Prue and Piper. They walk around a corner to see a guard.

_"Freeze!"_

_"Good idea."_ Piper says while freezing him.

_"Alright, um, the cell should be up those stairs, come on. She'll be guarded, are you ready for this?" _Prue asks Piper.

_"Do we have a choice?" _She asks rhetorically. Phoebe's cell is empty.

_"We're too late."_ Prue whispers. The screen shows Phoebe walking the walk of shame. Everyone's staring at her. Reporters, Pratt.

_"I love the smell of burnt witch in the morning." _Pratt says to Phoebe who is currently chained to a metal pole.

_"At least I'm paying for my crime. There'll come a day where you have to pay for yours too."_He turns to the people watching. _"Let today be a lesson to all those who would seek to defy human nature with their way of life. Let today serve notice that black magic will not be tolerated in our society and let today be remembered as the day we burned the witch!" _He points a finger at Phoebe. A man starts to flip switches. He stops, appearing to be frozen by none other than Piper.

"Remorseless to the end, huh."

_"Prue, Piper."_

_  
"We're getting you outta here."_ Piper tells her. Prue unchains her from the pole.

_"No, wait. You can't Prue, I'm serious."_

_  
"What are you talking about?"_

_  
"You guys have to leave. I deserve to be here. Or my future self does."_

_  
"You killed a killer. Don't be ridiculous."_ Piper tells her.

_"Look, this is Pratt's personal crusade. This isn't about us, this is about him. Where ever we go, he will follow us. He will hunt us. He will hunt our families. If anybody should be punished, it should be him."_ Prue said trying to convince her. She gets ready to use her power.

_"Prue, what are you doing?"_ Phoebe asks her.

_"Saving the future good witches and our future."_

_  
"Prue, wait! Don't become a murderer too. It has to end with me."_

_  
"Phoebe, he was evil, he deserved what you..." _Piper was cut off by TV Phoebe crying.

_"Wrong things done for the right reasons still the wrong thing. Our job is to protect the innocent, not punish the guilty. And I crossed that line, I know that. And now you guys have to know that too." _They all start crying.

_"We are not leaving here without you."_ Prue tells her forcefully.

_"Prue, we were sent here for a reason. Maybe not to stop this like we thought. But maybe to understand why this has to happen. Why you have to let this happen. I don't want to die. But I don't want you to die because of me." _They hug. _"I love you." _Phoebe goes back to the pole. Everyone un-freezes. The fire starts and Phoebe screams while Piper is hugging Prue and crying. The screen shows outside. It shows it changing from day to night again then cuts to inside the manor. Prue and Piper appear in the manor living room in white orbs.

_"Prue ..."_

_  
"What are we doing here?"_

_  
"Phoebe? You don't think she was...we saw ..."_

_  
"I know. Oh, please God, don't let it be true. Phoebe!" _Phoebe walks in the room they hug each other in relief_. "We thought that we lost you."_

_"You did. I was burned. And I could – I could feel the flames on my skin. And then I was here. I don't know what happened."_

_  
"It's okay, you're safe now. You're home."_

_  
"You're home, but when?"_ Piper turns on the TV. The report about Cal Greene comes on.

_"Wait, that's the baseball player. That's what triggered my Premonition. We're right back where we started. The day we cast a spell."_

_  
"Why?"_

_  
"Maybe because it worked. We were sent into the future to find out what Phoebe did. We came back to stop it from happening."_

_  
"But we didn't cast a spell to come back. We didn't even have one."_

_  
"Maybe 'they' sent us back." _Phoebe suggested.

"_But who? And why today? If we were sent back to keep the future from happening, shouldn't we be sent back to the day Phoebe killed Cal Greene instead?" _They hear a dog bark outside.

_"Not again." _They walk to the window to see the dog.

_"This guy still hasn't learned his lesson." _Piper says irritated.

"_Apparently neither have we. I think this is why we were sent back here to this moment and time. This is where it all started. The first time we used our magic for revenge."_

_  
"But it's just a little thing, it's harmless." _Piper protested.

"_Yeah, but once you break the small rules, it's only a matter of time before the big ones are next." _Phoebe tells them.

"_A very smart girl once told me that we were supposed to protect the innocent not punish the guilty." _Prue says.

_"I haven't told you yet."_

_  
"Maybe you won't have to." _Piper says while Prue sees the face of the dog's owner.

_"Pratt." _Pratt looks at them then walks away.

_"Do you think we should follow?" _Piper asks them. Phoebe shakes her head.

_"No. Our little act of revenge might of been what sent Pratt on his path to seek us all."_

_  
"Which might of let him to start the future witch trials."_

_  
"Hopefully now, he won't."_

_  
"I still think we should keep an eye on him just in case." _Piper says.

_"Absolutely." _Prue agrees.

_"Hey, what's up?" _Phoebe asks Prue as she picks up the phone.

_"Not work. There is no way I am going to the office tonight. I'm going out with you guys. We all have a lot of changes to make if we want to avoid ending up where we just came from."_

_  
"Hey the future wasn't all bad. You were like Miss Fortune five hundred and I had a beautiful little girl." _Piper said.

_"What?" _Phoebe yells.

"_Details later."_ Piper replies.

_"You know, we can still make the good things happen, Piper. We just have to make the right choices." _Prue tells them.

_"So maybe Leo and I will end up together."_

_  
"Wait, you and Leo?" _Phoebe repeats. The doorbell rings.

_"Speak of the angel. I'll get that." _She answers the door. _"Hey, stranger." _She grabs him by the shirt and pulls him in and kisses him very inappropriately for younger viewers.

_"I would of settled for a nice hello."_

_  
"Didn't anyone tell you not to settle?"_

_  
"That's a good lesson."_

_  
"I've been learning a lot of them lately."_

_"So I've heard. Look, honestly, I didn't know you were gonna get sent to the future. I don't even know what happened when you got there. All I was told was apparently you had something to learn."_

_  
"So, that's why you're here."_

_  
"No. That's why you're here. You were given a glimpse of your future to learn a valuable lesson. And I'm glad you learned it too because I know they wouldn't of brought you back if you didn't. Speaking of which, they're making me work tonight, so I can't really..."_

_  
"This is always gonna be a problem for us, isn't it?"_

_  
"I'm willing to work on it."_

_  
"Good. Because I'll never forget you said that." _They both smile and the screen fades to black while they kiss again.

"Okay let's never watch this serious of an episode again! It's bringing me down." Chris says.

"All I have to say is that those were very heavy make out scenes." Paige told Piper and Leo as they blushed. Wyatt smirked while getting up.

"As much as I _love _watching these petty episodes I have to get going."

"Oh yeah, someone might steal your throne right?" Phoebe asked. She still couldn't believe that that sweet little angel on Piper's lap could turn so evil.

"Oh no, you guys just bore me to death. Even if someone did try to steal my place they would be dead faster than you can blink." Wyatt waves his arm across the wall and a glowing blue triquetra portal appears. "Bye Bye Christopher, see you soon I'm sure." He goes to leave but not before he summons an energy ball and throws it straight at Chris. He walks through the portal while he heard his Mother and Aunts scream. Like music to his ears.

* * *

**I am so, so, so, so, sorry it took so long to update. As you can see I made it extra long becasue I haven't updated in for ever. If you guys could review and tell me what episode you want them to watch in season 4 that would be awesome! As written earlier I really don't want to do season 3. I wanna skip to Paige ya know? Okay so hopefully you forgive me and again please review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**They are going to watch a Paige from the past. I hope you like it. Oh yeah, heads up. I like Cole I really do. I just like Coop better. I think it makes sense that Phoebe would marry a cupid. Her being obsessed with love and all. So for you Phoebe/Cole lovers out there who read this. Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed. I only wish. But I don't. And you don't either!! So hahaha!**

**This story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**

* * *

"Chris!" the sisters shouted. Leo just stared, bored much like Wyatt had done. The energy ball left a hole in Chris' shirt. His skin was raw and bleeding, but he didn't scream just a grunt in pain. You could tell he was used to this, like it happened many times before. Or maybe he didn't scream because of his pride.

"Leo, heal him!" Piper shouted. She just found out he was her son she did not want to lose him! Leo got up slowly and reluctantly. Little Wyatt was getting impatient. They ignored him this whole time. Maybe if he healed Chris everyone would be proud of him and pay attention to HIM. So he orbed over to Chris and put his hands over the wound. A golden glow sprouted out of his tiny fingers. The shirt was fixed and so was his stomach.

"Way to show your powers Wyatt." Leo beamed. His son was so smart.

"Wait, Wyatt healed me?" Chris asked. Everyone nodded. "Oh thanks, Wy." He patted the little boy's head before quickly getting up and running to the couch, far away from Wyatt. Piper got up and sat next to him. Phoebe sat next to Leo and Paige took the floor again.

**_Wyatt's POV _**

Only Daddy paid attention to me. I'm important to! Uhh, how come everyone's paying attention to the stupid man who needs a haircut, when they could be paying attention to me! I am so much more important than Mr. Never Heard of Scissors. That's it! I'm going to Uncle Darryl's. He'll pay attention to me, or at least Aunt Shelia will. I summoned up my magic and orbed off.

**_Third Person _**

"Uh Leo where did Wyatt go?" Paige asked him. He closed his eyes and searched for Wyatt. His eyes shot open.

"He's at Darryl's." Paige turned to Phoebe to see her staring at Piper.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Piper asked Chris.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you positive?"

"YES! Now just pick the next episode." Paige got up and went to the season 3 case. Chris interrupted her though. "I thought we agreed to skip to season 4."

"Oh yeah." She picked up the season 4 case and looked at the back.

**_Charmed Again (Part One) _**

**_Charmed Again (Part two) _**

**_Hell Hath No Fury _**

**_Enter The Demon _**

**_Size Matters_******

**_A Knight To Remember _**

**_Brain Drain _**

**_Black As Cole _**

**_A Muse To My Ears _**

**_A Paige From The Past_**

"What about A Paige From The Past. I don't remember a younger me coming to the future." Paige told them. They shrugged and she took it as a yes. She took the season 2 disk out and popped the season 4 in. When the main menu came up she grabbed the remote and clicked A Paige From The Past.

The TV shows a police station. Cole is sitting between two bikers. He looks extremely uncomfortable. Darryl walks over to him.

_"Is this the way you treat every driver with a busted headlight?"_ Cole asked Darryl, irritated.

_"No, just the ones without ID. Now, I convinced Lopez not to sight you, but no more driving without a license."_

_"Am I free to go?"_

_"Yeah."_ Darryl replies.

_"Finally."_ Cole stands up.

_"Finally?"_ Darryl mocks.

_"I mean thanks."_ Cole corrects.

_"Finally? You think I need this? You see this assignment board. It's full of cases. Open cases that I should be working on, instead I'm cleaning after your mess."_

_"Hey, I don't like it either."_

_"It's bad enough I have to clean up after the suspects..." _

_"I'm just trying to fit in, but I have no ID, no job."_ They start talking over each other. Ranting really.

_"Doesn't anyone ever say thank you?"_

_"I can't even go to the grocery store without even getting arrested."_

_"It just sucks!"_ _They yell together. They stop and stare at each other._

_"You good?"__ Cole asks him._

_"Yeah."__ He replies._

_"Me too."__ Cole agrees._

"Okay that's it! Chris summon Wyatt now!" Phoebe demanded.

"What? Why?" He asked confused obviously.

"I want Cole back! Bring him back! I want him now! Wyatt needs to resurrect him!" Phoebe wails like a bratty two-year-old. Chris stares at her his face slowly contorting in anger.

"Why what did he ever do for you? He just ruined you life! Coop is so much better trust me!" Chris replied back trying to control his temper the best he could.

"Trust you? Why the hell would we trust you! Especially after you sent me to Valhalla ." Leo also said angrily. Piper's face turned red also. Wow the Halliwells sure have a temper problem. Even if Leo isn't a Halliwell, but oh well.

"He did no such thing! Chris would never, right Chris?" She defended.

"Uh, psh, yeah. I mean w-why-why would _I _send Leo to Valhalla? It's not like I hate the bastard or anything. It's not like he doesn't deserve you. Yeah, so why would I send him to Valhalla? You're crazy." He rambled.

"See there's you answer Leo. Chris didn't do it. You got let it go man. Let. It. Go." Paige told him. Once the fight was over they turned back to the TV.

_Cole, Piper, and Paige were outside in the parking lot. They here a car honk and a loud screech. They run around the corner. The run car rolls over and bursts into flames._

_"It's about to explode."__ Cole tells them. Piper freezes it._

_"Come on."__ Cole and Piper run over to the car. Paige just stands there. They try to open the door. "It's stuck. Paige!" Paige stands there in shock. Cole gets the car door open. Cole reaches in and pulls out a woman. "Careful. Hurry before anyone sees us." They carry her over to where Paige is standing. The car unfreezes and blows up. "What happened to you? Paige!" Paige stares at the burning car in a daze._ The screen cuts to the very catchy intro.

"I remember that. That was when you went to the past right Paige? Paige…" Piper asked. Paige's gaze was hazy. She was staring at the TV, but seeing something that wasn't there.

"Paige, are you alright?" Leo asked concerned. When she still didn't answer, he placed a hand on her shoulder. That seemed to snap her out of it. She stared at them confused. They were all staring at her with similar looks of concern.

"Paige, are you alright?" Leo asked again.

"What? Oh, yeah I'm fine." She lied. She laughed nervously. There was no reason to worry them.

"You're lying." Phoebe said immediately her empathy kicking in. "Honey, are you okay? You just blanked out like you were having a Premonition. Wait, you weren't having one were you?"

"That's impossible! The next power you get is Astral Projection not Premonitions." The words fell out of Chris' mouth before he could stop them. "Can you forget I said that?"

"Astral Projection! Awesome. That is so cool." Paige said. She welcomed the subject change with open arms.

"Yeah that's awesome. Hey, hey wait missy. Don't change the subject." Piper warned.

"Okay, so maybe I was having a flash back. It's nothing to worry about though. I know that my parents know I don't hate them. I am fine. It's hard to get over, but that's to be expected, right? So don't worry about me and watch the damn TV."

Everyone complied not wanting to face the wrath of Paige. On the TV Piper and Leo are in the kitchen making breakfast. Phoebe walks in.

_"Am I the world's biggest bitch or what?"__ She asks them._

_Piper looks like she wants to say yes, but she shares a look with Leo and says this instead: "Nah, too easy."_

_"Cole vanquished him demon half. He has given up everything he has ever known for me, and I can't even muster up a simple yes to marriage."_

_"Well, you're not the marrying type."__ Leo told her._

_"So you keep telling yourself."__ Piper added._

_"You think I am?"__ Phoebe asked._

_"I think you're afraid."__ Piper explained._

_"Oh, of what?"_

_"Cole's humanity. He was actually a much safer boyfriend when he was a demon. Even though he could rip your throat out with his teeth."__ Piper continued._

_"Wanna explain that to me?"__ Leo and Piper share a look and he starts talking._

_"Well, on some level you knew it couldn't last. A demon and a witch. But now that Cole is a human, the safety net's gone and for the first time in your relationship, the future lies in your hands."_

_"Yeah, okay, I don't wanna analyze me anymore, let's try somebody else. How's Paige feeling this morning?"_

_"Oh that's nice use me why don't you." Paige said a little irked but mostly joking._

_"No idea. She flew out the door this morning like nothing happened."_

_"So we still don't know why she froze up?"__ Phoebe asked._

_"Nope."_

"You see Leo is loyal. He didn't tell you why I froze up. No matter how many times you bothered him." Paige half told the TV and half told her meddling sisters.

"Need I remind you that he was the one who told us about the accident." Piper told her.

"Oh yeah! Leo!" Paige shouted while hitting Leo three times. She hit him three times because it goes with her inside joke. She would always say "Three times the Charm-ed". The 'ed' was silently added in her head. She actually got the sisters to say this. So I guess it's their saying now.

Back on the TV_. _

_"That is so weird." _TV Leo looks down into his coffee_. "I mean, she can handle demons now, but she can't handle a car wreck?" _Phoebe asked incredulously.

_"Yeah, it doesn't make any sense."_ Piper agreed. Phoebe clears her throat to get Piper's attention. It works and Piper looks up to see Phoebe nudging her head towards Leo.

_"Um, if you put your nose any deeper into that coffee cup, you're gonna need a snorkel. What do you know?"_

_"Paige, told me something in confidence." _

_"Okay, but it's kind of a dangerous time for us. If she freezes up again at the wrong moment, are you gonna be sorry you didn't tell us?" _Piper said, using the guilt trip.

_"Paige's parents died in a car wreck." _Leo said quietly.

_"Oh my god."_ Phoebe exclaimed.

_"When did that happen?"_ Piper asked.

_"About eight years ago when she was in high school. She never really dealt with it."_

_"Of course not. How do you deal with something like that? Plus she was a teenager and all alone."_

"So maybe we can help her deal with it." TV Phoebe said kind of vaguely. The TV Skips to Paige at her work. She's talking on the phone.

_"No, I'm not family, I'm from social services. I was just calling to see how she was after the accident. Thank god. Okay, I'll call back and check in on her. Thank you." _Piper and Phoebe walk in and go over to Paige.

_"Hi. Got a minute?"_ Piper asks.

_"No, I'm busy, you guys."_ Paige says a little irritated. She gets up and walks away. Phoebe and Piper follow her.

_"Uh, we just wanna talk, it's kinda important."_ Phoebe tells her.

_"Yeah, so is my work, maybe later." _Paige said trying to get them to leave.

_"Paige, it's about what happened last night."_ Piper explained like it would help. It will more likely push her away.

_"Not right now."_ Paige said again getting more irritated by the second.

_"Paige, we're your sisters."_ Phoebe said like it would help.

_"I said not now!"_ She yells. Everyone turns to look at her. Paige doesn't see this as she storms into the copier room. Piper and Phoebe go after her.

_"Paige. We know about your parents. We're worried about you and we want you to know that you're not alone_." Phoebe tells her tired of beating around the bush.

_"And we're here for you."_ Piper adds even though that's what Phoebe just said that.

_"Fine. But just not here, okay? I'll just tell my boss I have to leave. We'll talk at home."_ Paige says her voice choked with tears. She leaves the room leaving Piper and Phoebe in the metaphorical dust.

"What the hell Paige!" Chris asks. Everyone stared at him confused.

"What?" Paige asked.

"They're trying to help you and all you can do is bitch at them? They're your family they have a right to be concerned." He continued.

"Hey I let them help." Paige defended her self.

"Right after you blew them off." Paige was about to say something when Leo cut in.

"Of course she's acting like this. She's having flashbacks of her parents death. Plus she's feeling guilty. She thought she killed her parents. I think she has a right to lash out."

"Why are you taking her side all of a sudden?" Piper asked, jealous obviously. Leo could sense that.

"It's not like that Piper. I just love to prove Chris wrong." He said happily. Chris waved his arm and Leo burst into a million orb particles traveling to who the hell cares.

"Bastard." Chris mumbled. Leo orbed in and glared at Chris.

"Okay guys, let's just continue to watch the TV." Phoebe said calmly. They all turned towards the TV. Well everyone except Leo. He was still glaring at Chris muttering. Two questions. First of all, is he speaking French? Second of all, are Elders even aloud to swear?

_"So I wasn't the ideal high school student, you know. I, um, skipped classes, partied all night with my friends. Pretty much anything they wanted to do I was up for."_ TV Paige said.

_"Hmm, sounds like somebody else I know."_ Phoebe gives her a look._ "What I mean to say is that high school is a time of searching and figuring out who you are for everybody_." TV Piper told her.

_"Yeah, but I was cruel. Especially to my Mom and Dad. The day they died I told them they weren't my real parents. Which is stupid because it wasn't even how I felt. I mean, just because I'm adopted it didn't mean they weren't my real parents, because they were."_

_"Well, you were just feeling lost and you made a mistake. I made so many mistakes, you know, but I got through them. I changed and so have you."_ Phoebe said gently.

_"Not in time."_

_"What do you mean?" _Leo asked.

_"It was, um, family night. Just something we did every week. And my dad left the fire station early, to pick up my Mom and I."_

_"Your dad was a fireman?"_ Phoebe asked while smiling.

_"Yeah. And I started bitching, I was too old for this and I was super lame_." She starts to cry. _"He was so angry with me. He-he didn't, he didn't see the car that swerved into our lane, and the next thing I know I'm on the pavement, the car's on fire. I still don't know why I survived and they didn't."_

_"But you can't blame yourself for that." _Phoebe told her.

_"Well, I feel guilty every single day."_

_"I know it-it's hard but you gotta try and move forward."_ Piper stuttered.

_"How can I move forward, Piper? I killed my parents."_ She cries harder and Phoebe pulls her in a hug.

_"What do we do? How can we help her deal with something that happened in the past_?" Piper asks Leo.

_"Send her back to it."_ He answers.

"That was a horrible idea." Paige told them.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"I tried to change the past." She explained.

"Rule number two in time travel: trying don't change anything!" Which was rather hypocritical of him sense he came back to change the past.

"What's rule number one?" Phoebe asked.

"Don't say anything about the future. It could have dire consequences." Chris told them his soon to be most used phrase. On the TV the sisters and Leo were up in the attic.

_"Don't we need a summoning spell?"_ Piper asked.

_"No, Clyde ignores them. There's only one way to get Clyde down here. Clyde! Get your butt down here you fetid worm from the bog of eternal stench!"_ He tells the girls: _"You gotta make him mad." _He continues to Clyde: _"Your mother was a chunky substance from a gin cesspool. And she smelled bad too!" _Suddenly, a gust of wind appears and flies over the attic. It turns into Clyde. He looks pissed.

_"Leo! I was with a client! 1969, Woodstock, Hendricks was on stage. This better be good."_

_"I need you to take Paige here back to the day of her greatest pain."_ Leo explained.

_"A job? Why didn't you say so in the first place?"_ He said in a somewhat softer tone.

_"Not a job. A favor."_ Leo corrects.

_"I don't do charity work."_

_"You owe me, Clyde. Or do I need to remind you of your client that I healed? The one you returned from the past, on the edge of a cliff! I believe there were thirty-two broken bones."_

_"All right, all right, I remember."_ He turns to Paige. _"Are you sure you wanna do this? I only open the door to your past, so don't guarantee no safe trip."_

_"Obviously."_ TV Piper said.

_"Yeah. I need to do this."_ TV Paige

_"Fine."_ He turns to Leo. _"You guide her."_ Clyde clicks his fingers and a door appears in the middle of the room.

_"I won't be able to hear your call. You guys will be on your own."_ Leo warned them.

_"We'll be okay, just take care of Paige."_ Piper told him. Clyde opens the door.

_"Just don't look down."_ Leo tells Paige. Paige goes through the door Leo follows.

_"How's about you two? Care for a little trip to the past?" _Two thin tiny cloud like objects escape out of the door. _"See it all a second time. My rates are steep but fair." _Piper and Phoebe look at each other. They were probably thinking they were thinking the same thing. They weren't.

_"Can you take us back to meet John Lennon?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"No!"_ Piper shouts.

_"No, no, right. We'll pass."_ Phoebe stuttered.

_"Suit yourself."_ He closes the door, then clicks his fingers and the door disappears. _"If you ever need my services just yell."_ He clicks his fingers and disappears.

_"We need to be here when Paige gets back."_ Phoebe told Piper.

_"Yeah, I'll cook dinner and we can just hand out for a while. I hope this plan works."_ Piper tells her while leaving the attic. One of the cloud-like creatures float down and goes inside Phoebe, possessing her.

_"So do I."_ She turns to the other floating blob. _"Don't worry, Frankie. I'll find you a body too." _'Phoebe' say in a country accent.

"What the hell was that!?" Chris asks. Piper shuddered remembering the PDA in the kitchen.

"Don't ask." She told him. Chris gave her a look saying ' I'll find out soon enough '. On the TV in Paige's old bedroom a door appears and Paige and Leo fall out of it.

_"Rough ride."_ Leo says out loud.

"_Are you okay?"_ Leo asks while closing the door as it disappears. Paige stands up. Paige has on a green trench coat and a red and black striped shirt underneath. She also had braces and long brown hair with bangs.

_"Yeah. I'm all right. I'm all..." _She looks in the mirror._ "Wrong! Oh my god! I'm so screwed, I'm supposed to come back as a ghost, not a ghost with... braces?"_

_"You're meant to relive the experience not observe it, Paige."_ Leo explains.

_"Yeah, but I just wanted to come back and sit on the sidelines and make sarcastic comments about my lack of style." _Paige whines.

_"Just take a look around, Paige."_ Music starts to play as Paige looks around her room. She sees all her old posters on the wall, and all her items on the shelves.

_"Hey, you're right, I was cool, even then."_ She picks up a necklace._ "Oh, Philip Lewicky gave this to me. My first love. Can I call him?"_

"You dated a guy with the last name Lewicky?" Phoebe asks while laughing. Paige glares at her.

_"That's not why we're here." _There's a knock at the door. The music stops abruptly with one of those fake screech noises. TV Paige panics.

_"What do I do?"_ Paige asks Leo.

_"Open the door."_ As id it was obvious which it is. Paige opens the door. Her Dad is standing there.

_"Dad." _Paige whispers.

_"Ready for school? You don't wanna miss your ride."_ Paige hugs him. _"What's with all this... Is that smoke? Are you smoking in here?" _He goes over to the window sill and puts out a cigarette. _"You know, I don't know how much more of this your mother and I can take." _He leaves her room.

"Well there's another thing you have in common with Phoebe." Piper said. Phoebe glared at her.

"I wasn't that bad of a teenager."

"Oh you were. I'm just happy you didn't have your powers."

"Oh, what could I have done? My powers are passive."

"Well, you could have gotten a Premonition of Grams busting you. Then you could have came up with a totally different plan where you didn't get caught." Piper said after thinking for a minute.

"That's a bad thing?" Phoebe asked while smirking.

_"She's smoking again. This time in her bedroom. And when I went in, she had the nerve to give me this big hug, like I wouldn't be mad." _Paige's Dad told Paige's Mom.

_"She told me she'd quit smoking."_

_"Oh, yeah, right, just like the time she quit drinking. She passes out at another one of those parties and I had to go pick her up and bring her home."_

_"School called yesterday, you know, she's been cutting her classes again."_

_"She's not gonna get into college if she keeps this up."_

_"Oh, well, haven't you heard? She's not going to college."_

"We'll see about that."

_"I changed my mind, Leo. I don't wanna go in there. They think I'm awful. I _was_ awful." _TV Paige told Leo outside the kitchen door.

_"It's all right. You can do it. Just remember why you're here." _Leo encouraged. They walk into the kitchen.

_"Mom?"_ Paige hugs her. _"Oh my god, I've missed you so much."_

_"What's gotten into you?"_ Her Mother asks her.

_"Didn't I tell ya?"_

_"Uh, guys, I have an announcement to make. Starting now I-I'm turning my life around."_

_"You're not borrowing the car."_ Mr. Matthews told her.

_"No, I mean it."_

_"Yeah, like you meant it when you said you were gonna stop cutting classes." _He threw back at her.

_"Uh, Mom, you understand me? You've gotta believe me."_

_"Oh, so now I'm Mom. Last night we weren't even your real parents."_

_"No, you are. I was just saying that to... hurt you."_

_"Did you feed the cat?"_ Mrs. Mathews asks Mr. Mathews.

_"Yeah."_

_"You guys, I'm not a screw up. I promise I'll change, I promise I'll go to college and, oh, please stop. Please, we need to talk."_

_"Oh, you are right about that, and we are going to talk. About everything. Tonight at dinner."_ Her Father tells her.

_"Dinner. The family dinner."_ Paige says with a glint in her eyes.

_"Paige, be careful."_ Leo warns.

_"Please, we really need to talk before we drive."_ A horn beeps outside.

_"Oh, ah, Paige, that's your ride."_ Paige's Mom said.

_"You have to follow the events of the day, Paige. No exceptions." _Leo told Paige forcefully. Leo and Paige leave the kitchen.

"Oh you poor thing!" Phoebe shouts while jumping off the couch and running over to Paige. She hugs her while she kept saying "It's okay" even though Paige wasn't crying.

"Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe!" Paige shouts. Phoebe's head jerks up.

"What?"

"I'm fine."

"No you are not! You should be bawling your eyes out. They were so mean to you!"

"They thought I was acting sweet so I could get something."

"Still doesn't excuse their behavior." Phoebe said stubbornly and continued watching the TV. They noticed the TV Fast forwarding. They heard Piper grumbling and saw that she was the one who was skipping.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked.

"If you really hate Cole as much as I think you do then you'll be thanking me." Was all Piper said. Everyone could catch a glimpse of what was happening and noticed Phoebe and Cole sucking each others face's off in the kitchen. Phoebe blushed while everyone else shuttered. On the TV that Piper stopped fast forwarding Paige was standing in front of her locker at school.

_"I can't believe I remember the combination. I used to live out of this locker."_ A pager beeps. _"My pager." _She says excitedly. She starts to look for it.

_"You had a pager in high school?"_ Leo asked her.

_"Ugh, get with it, Leo, it is the nineties."_ She finds the pager and reads it. _"Michelle Niglith. Uh, I can't deal with her drama right now." _She closes her locker. Michelle approaches her. _"Michelle."_

_"Remember your whole peppermint schnapps theory?"_ She asks.

_"No."_ Disgust was in Paige's voice as she said this.

_"You know, how you can't tell it from a breath mint? You're wrong, I got so busted."_ She said happily while smiling.

_"Oh,"_ Paige laughs _"sorry."_They walk off.

_"You drank at high school?"_ Leo asks.

_"What are you? My guide or my judge?"_

_"Uh, excuse me?"_ Michelle asks confused.

_"Nothing."_ Paige replies.

_"I got grounded for two weeks. My Mom pulled this whole estrogen fest thing. I swear to god she's so damaged."_

_"She's not damaged."_ Paige defends.

_"You're right, she's beyond repair."_ Michelle agrees.

_"No, Michelle, she's not beyond repair, she's actually just trying to set boundaries and believe it or not you need them. So maybe you should just lay off. I mean, god, how would you feel if she dies tomorrow?"_

_"Geez, Paige, morbid much?"_ The bell rings. Paige walks off. _"Wait for me."_

"Wow, she's, um ni-nice." Piper struggled out.

"I hate the girl." Paige said simply.

Piper sighed with relief thinking she would have to pretend to like her."Oh, good me too."

"Why do you hate her?" Phoebe asked curious.

"Well first of all she was the one who got me into all of the drugs and alcohol. Second off, she is so dramatic and annoying." Paige looked like she could go on but decided against it.

_"Although the magna carter was a document of great importance to England and the American colonies, it originally granted concessions to few but the baronial families." TV Paige looks at her watch. "The vast majority of England would remain without an active voice in government for another seven hundred years."_Michelle hands Paige a note. It says **'Donny is soooo hot!'**

_"You don't want Donny, trust me. He winds up bagging groceries for a living and driving a Camero."_

_"I love Cameros."_ Michelle said while smiling a big dumb ass smile.

_"Would you girls please, I'm trying to teach." _The teacher told them in a tired i-don't-get-paid-enough-for-this voice.

_"But no body's listening."_ Michelle stated. The class laughs.

_"Yeah, I know. That's why all you delinquents are in this class."_ The teacher continues to read from a book. Paige looks at the clock.

_"Ugh, this is ridiculous, I have to get out of here."_ Paige mumbled to herself.

_"I know the feeling."_ Michelle agreed.

_"No, you don't understand, it's my last day with my parents."_

_"Okay, what are you babbling about?"_

_"Excuse me, Mr. Martin, can I have a bathroom pass, please?"_ Leo appears next to her.

_"Don't even think about it, Paige. You have to follow the same path."_ Leo tells her.

_"What is the problem, Ms. Matthews?"_ Mr. Martin asks.

Paige ignores him and continues talking to Leo. _"I am tired of wasting my time here."_

_"Well, I'm sorry if I'm boring you."_

_"No, I'm not talking to you, Mr. Martin."_

_"Who were you talking to?"_ He asked her.

"Oh, it's just my invisible Whiteighter. You can't see him because this is a spell and I'm from the future." Chris answered for her sarcastically.

"That would sure land me in the nut house, or a dissection table." Paige says.

_"Yeah, really, who?"_ Michelle asks.

_"Paige..."_ Leo warns.

_"This is stupid. Uh, this is all just a bad memory, I need to get out of here."_ Paige heads for the door.

_"Ms. Matthews, you will sit down and be quiet and wait for the bell to ring just like everyone else!"_ He yells at her.

_"Go! Go! Go!" _The class cheers.

**_"_**_Sit down Ms. Matthews."_ The teacher yells.

_"Paige, don't do this."_ Leo begs her.

_"No, I won't."_ Paige says to the teacher. She opens the door and a security guard stands there.

_"Going somewhere?"_ He asks.

"Well weren't you just the little trouble maker?" Chris asked while smirking.

"Yep, I was, sadly." Paige replied.

"Sadly?" Chris asked.

"I wasted so much of my time well getting wasted, and getting high. I mean, if maybe I just wasn't such a screw up and was a good child I could have saved them." She said sadly.

"Honey, I thought we went over this. You didn't kill your parents. There was nothing you could do. It was their time to go." Phoebe told her. Leo shook his head.

"It's no use. You can't convince a Halliwell. You guys are to stubborn." The sister's glared at him while Chris just laughed. He knew he was included in this subject but Leo was squirming under their stares. He loved it. On the TV Phoebe and Cole are in a jewelry store.

_"One security guard, armed. Right corner." _Phoebe whispers to Cole.

_"Got it."_ Cole replies.

_"Two female customers." _Phoebe continues. They wander over to the glass counter where very large expensive diamond rings are displayed. The sales assistant approaches the counter.

_"Can I help you?"_ The assistant asks.

_"We're looking for a diamond engagement ring." _Phoebe answers.

_"You came to the right place."_

_"They're all so beautiful I don't know which one I like best."_

_"You like the biggest one, baby."_ Cole tells her.

_"Oh, there. That's the one I want, baby." _Phoebe says to Cole in that annoying southern twang.

_"Excellent eye for quality, it's the perfect solitaire."_

_"I don't know. The cut looks a little off." _Cole lies.

_"Oh, no, I can assure you." _Cole looks around the room and his eyes land on a security guard

_"You, you look like a regular guy, can I ask your opinion?" _The security walks over to them. _"I just wanna know... can I borrow your gun?" _He laughs and punches the security guard in the stomach, then his face. He falls to the floor and Cole pulls out the gun. _"You stupid." _He laughs _"Move over, baby!" _Phoebe was resting on the jewelry case looking turned on. She moves over and Cole shoots. The glass of the case shatters into a gazillion pieces.

_"We're back!"_ Phoebe says excitedly. She grabs a ring and puts it on.

_"Ooh, gotta hand it to you, Lulu. This body's a live wire. The guy digs action, I can sense it."_ He shoots at two display cases. He screams in excitement.

_"This woman loves the feeling of this diamond on her finger although she'd never cop to it."_ Phoebe tells him. He walks over and kisses her.

_"Let's split, baby."_ They head for the door. The security guard gets up. Cole turns around and shoots him in the leg. Cole and Phoebe leave the store unaware of the security cameras watching them.

"I hate their accents. They are so annoying." Paige says.

"Agreed." Piper and Phoebe say together.

"What? Why? Accents are awesome. Ever since Wyatt turned evil..." The sisters flinch while Leo glares his thoughts consist of **_"Liar!" _**"He adapted this fake British accent it's really funny. When he first started it sounded so horrible. I like to think about it when I'm sad. It cheers me up."

"HE ISN'T EVIL!" Leo shouted, obviously still in denial. Chris was getting fed up with this.

"If you won't believe me, and the evidence that was right in front of you then believe Phoebe." Chris said while grabbing Phoebe's hand. He really didn't want to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Phoebe got sucked into a Premonition.

**_Premonition. _**

**_Chris was staring at Wyatt. His clothes were covered in blood. His eyes were blood shot and he still had tears streaming down his face. Chris looked to be about 14. Wyatt stood across from him. His face stony only showing a twisted smirk. He was covered in head to toe in black clothes. Wyatt was probably 16. _**

**_"Why? Why did you do this me Wyatt! They were your family and you killed them!" Chris shouted as he fell to his knees crying._**

**_"Me? You think I killed them? No, I ordered my followers to do it." Wyatt said._**

**_"No need to get your hands dirty, right?" Chris retorted. Wyatt smiled and nodded his head yes._**

**_"I'm glad you understand. Now here's another thing you need to understand. They were in my way." Wyatt said as if he was speaking to a five year old. "Now some of my dear cousins escaped. But don't worry I'll catch them and when I do you'll be next. Or of course you could join me in my conquest."_**

**_"Go to hell." Chris said while throwing Wyatt into the manor's walls. Chris stared at a dead body on the floor - it was to fuzzy to identify - and orbed out._**

**_End of Premonition _**

"Oh god!" Phoebe said while jumping in Chris' lap. "It's true Leo. He's evil. Oh god that was so horrible. He killed his own family!" Phoebe wailed. Piper was about to ask what she was talking about when Leo cut her off.

"You planted the Premonition. It isn't true. Phoebe, don't believe him. He's just manipulating us again. He's trying to gain your trust so he can kill Wyatt!" Leo tried to convince them. Yeah, it didn't work. They all just glared at him until he looked away. Well, Piper and Phoebe glared at him. Chris tried to comfort the sobbing Phoebe and at the same time trying to convince her to tell him what she saw. Paige was getting impatient.

"Can we just watch the TV now?!" Paige shouted. Everyone turned to look at her then proceeded to watch the TV.

Paige was sitting on a wooden bench in the school when Leo appeared next to her.

_"You okay?"_ Leo asked Paige.

_"No, Leo, I am nowhere near okay. My time here is running out, I haven't done anything."_

_"You've done enough."_

_"I haven't done anything. I came to stop feeling guilty, only now I feel guiltier than ever because I know what a damn disappointment I am." _Paige said angrily.

_"Is that what you believe?" _Leo asked sadly.

_"Hello? Have you been watching or eating popcorn? My Mom and my Dad think I'm a total failure. I'm not. I can't let them die thinking that. In fact, I'm not gonna let them die at all."_

"Paige!" Chris shouted.

"What?"

"Can't you listen to Leo? For once he's right." Everyone was surprised he said that. Well the words weren't easy to felt like acid in his mouth.

"You shouldn't change something like that. They were meant to die. They weren't meant to die so you could change, and then you'd go on a quest to find your adoptive parents, then you'd find the sisters creating the new Power of Three."

"I guess I kinda never thought about it that way. I always thought it was a higher power with a sick sense of humor."

"I know what you mean." He whispered. Phoebe heard him since she was sitting next to him, squished in between him and Piper.

_"You can't change history, Paige, only learn from it."_

_"Yes, you will. And if you break anymore rules..." _Leo started but Paige interrupted him.

_"Screw the rules, Leo."_

_"Oh, is that the teenager talking or the adult? The reason we journeyed to the past was so you could learn from it. You see what breaking the rules has gotten you so far?"_

_"They're my parents. I have to do something." _Paige gets up and walks in the Principal's office._ "Sorry to barge in like this."_

_"That incident in class was the last straw, Paige. I'm suspending you from school."_ The principal said to her.

_"Just for that?"_ Paige asked incredulously.

_"Just for that? Cutting classes, starting fights, smoking on campus, possession of alcohol."_ The principal listed the things.

_"I swear I don't turn out like this."_

_"Unfortunately your actions speak a lot louder than your words." _Paige's Father said.

"Oh you poor thing!" Phoebe shouted again. She ran towards her silently asking her permission when Paige nodded her head Phoebe pulled her in a hug.

_"It looks bad, I know. But it doesn't turn out this way, I promise. I-I get a degree in social work, I help others, I even get into Berkley thanks to high test scores and a powerful essay on the death of my... ooh, let's just say a powerful essay. Uh... Mom and Dad, you've got to believe me."_ Paige's parents stop and turn to look at her.

_"How can we do that, Paige?"_ Mr. Mathews asks.

_"We've seen your act too many times."_ Mrs. Mathews adds.

_"Please, just look at me as though you actually saw me. I'm not who you think I am."_ Paige pleaded.

_"How do you know what we think?"_ Paige's Father asks.

_" 'Cause I can see it in your eyes. Disappointment. And, okay, yeah, I deserve it, I do. All I can say for myself is that I'm searching and one day I will find myself."_

_"Paige..."_ Mrs. Mathews starts.

_"Let me finish. I'll find myself because of you two. You shaped who I am. I am not a bad daughter, you did not raise a bad daughter. I'm good. I just, I wish you could see it." _Paige cuts off.

_"Sweetheart, of course we can see it."_ Paige's Father tells her.

_"What?"_ Paige said like she wasn't expecting them to cave so easily.

_"We know you're good. We've always known. But we also know that you're lost and that scares us. And there's nothing in the world we want more than to help you find your way home. We just don't know how." _Paige's Mother continues.

_"I think you just did."_ They hug. _"I will stay up on my word."_

_"Mm-hm. Promise?"_ Mrs. Mathews asks.

_"I promise."_ They head for the car._ "Uh, you guys, can we just stay in tonight and not go to the restaurant?"_

_"We still have to talk."_ Paige's Father says probably thinking she was trying to get out of it.

_"Yeah, we will, just at home."_

_"Okay, let's go home."_ Paige's Father agrees. They get in the car. Leo appears next to Paige.

_"What?"_ Paige asks him.

_"Well, what's it gonna be tonight? Should we have pizza?"_ Mr. Mathews asks.

_"I kinda miss Mom's cooking." _

Mrs. Mathews laughs. _"Like you don't have it every night."_

_"You shouldn't do this, Paige, you can't change the past."_ Leo tells her again.

_"I already did."_ Paige points out.

_"Did you say something, honey?"_ Her Father questions.

_"No, nothing."_

_"You don't know what you're doing."_

_"Yes, I do."_ Leo disappears. A truck heads for their car. _"Watch out!"_ Paige orbs out. The truck hits the car and it rolls over. Paige orbs back in on the road. The car explodes. Paige gets up and starts crying. Real Paige is crying also.

"Paige are you okay?" Piper asks.

"I'm doing better that I thought I would. Ya know seeing my parents die a third time. Granted, they're actors but that's beside the point."

TV Leo walks up behind TV Paige and holds her back.

_"Let go of me! I have to save them!"_ TV Paige screeches.

_"They're gone."_

_"Why did you bring me back here? Why! I thought I could stop the accident."_

_"You couldn't stop the accident because it was never your fault."_

_"It was my fault. It was my fault."_

_"They would have died anyway, it was their destiny. Just like it was your destiny to be saved by magic."_

_"That's how I got out of the car. I orbed out."_

_"That's right."_

_"I could always orb?"_

_"Magic's always been inside of you. It saved you because you were meant to do great things with it, and you have, and you will. This is what you came back here to find, what caused the accident, why you survived it. You need to forgive yourself."_

_"_Your actress is very good Paige. I mean to say all of those lines through tears and people could still understand her." Chris told her. Paige sniffled and smiled happily."Way better than Leo's actor. Remember the Love Hurts episode. When he got hit with the dark lighter arrow his face was so red. I thought I was going to burst out laughing." Chris continued. Paige laughed.

"Ha! That was funny." Paige agreed. On the TV Phoebe and Cole were getting married. Cole was holding the priest and gun point.

_"Do you take this woman to be thy wedded wife, to love, comfort and honor, in sickness or in health, for sorrow or joy, so long as you both shall live?"_

_"I sure do. I'm gonna take good care of her this time. Whoo!"_ Cole shouts or Frankie shouts whatever.

_"You okay, Frankie?"_ Phoebe asks.

_"Yeah, it's just this guy's all jumpin' inside. Almost like he wants to get married as much as I do."_ He laughs.

_"I know what you mean. This one's like, quivering inside of me."_ She turns to the very confused priest. _"What are you waiting for? Continue." _She says rudely. Cole brings the gun back up.

_"Right. Do you, Lulu, take this man to be thy wedded husband..."_ Piper and Darryl barge in.

_"I object to this union."_ Piper says.

_"I didn't call for any objections."_ He says with his hands up in an I surrender position. Probably seeing the gun in Darryl's hand.

_"Yeah, well, I still object." _She tries to freeze them but only the chaplain freezes. _"You two are not frozen, why are you not frozen?"_

_"Well, I know I'm not the most technically minded, but I wouldn't think it would have something to do with the fact that we're ghosts."_ Phoebe answers. Cole and Phoebe laugh.

_"I warned you, witch."_ Cole points the gun at Piper. Darryl pulls out his gun.

_"Freeze! Put the gun down slowly."_ Cole laughs and shoots. Darryl shoots at him and the bullet hits him in the chest.

_"Damn it!"_ Cole falls down. Now you see if that was in real life he wouldn't have put his hands down to soften his landing. I mean he just got shot in the chest! Frankie exits Cole.

_"Don't worry, baby. We'll try again. Next time we'll get it right." _Lulu exits Phoebe. Phoebe sits down beside Cole. _"Cole! Cole! Cole. Cole. Leo!"_

_"I had no choice."_ Darryl explains.

_"I-I know. uh, get him outta here,"_ She unfreezes the priest _"and, uh, call an ambulance."_

_"What happened?"_ The priest asks confused.

_"Come, come with me."_ Darryl takes him outside.

_"Please don't die, please don't die. Leo!"_ Phoebe mumbles to Cole and shouts to Leo.

_"Clyde, get your ass down here you son of a bitch!"_ Piper yells. Clyde appears in a gust of wind._ "Bring back Leo now." _Clyde clicks his fingers and the door appears. He opens it and Paige and Leo come out of it. _"Cole's been shot."_Leo rushes over to Cole.

_"Step away, Phoebe."_ Phoebe moves away and Leo heals Cole.

_"Frankie! Lulu! Where do you think you're goin'?"_ Clyde pulls the ghosts in the door. He clicks his fingers and the door disappears. He grunts. "_Ehh, it's an unfortunate slip-up. I told ya, it's a dangerous journey."_ He clicks his fingers and disappears. Cole gets up.

_"You never answered the chaplain's question."_ Cole tells Phoebe.

_"I never answered your_ _question. Ask me again."_

_"Will you marry me?"_

_"Yes, I will."_ Chris turns to glare at Phoebe.

"STOP THINKING ABOUT COLE! Oh god what are you doing to him? OH GOD!" Chris curled into a fetal position and started to rock back and forth whispering "Eww, I need a clean mind, clean mind, Phoebe's sick, ugh!"

"DEMON!" Paige shouted loudly even though there wasn't one. Phoebe shot up and started to look around confused. "Now that that's cleared up. Phoebe stop thinking about Cole, and Chris stop making an ass of yourself." Phoebe blushed, while Chris un curled himself. Paige went over to the box that held the DVDs and looked through them. Season 6 caught her eye. She picked up season 6 and then season 4.

"Which one to watch next?"

* * *

**Okay as you see the endings probably a bit confusing. See some people keep asking me skip to season 6. Now I want you guys to leave a review telling me if you want me to work my way up to season 6. That would mean they would watch season 4&5. Or do you want me to just skip to season 6? I would have done a poll but some people who read this don't have an account so I didn't find that fair. So which ever one has been said the most I'll do. Lastly, after that tell me which episode you want to watch. Okay? Okay! I hope you liked it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I know nobody really suggested this for this chapter but I couldn't help myself. I love how cool Paige is in this episode. She's really gorgeous in the vampy outfit too. I also heard that Rose McGowan was sick when she did this episode. So she felt like crap and yet she was still such a great actress in this episode. If you haven't figured it out they're going to watch Bite Me from season 4. I chose not to skip to season 6 because someone said that the story would go by to fast. So I shall take his or her advise. Oh yeah just for some help. Phoebe is now sitting with Leo on one of the couches while Piper and Chris are sitting on the other, Paige is sitting on the floor.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Charmed. You no sue. Kay? Kay.**

**This story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**

* * *

Paige flipped over the cases to see the episode names. What surprised her was there were pictures of the cast and on the season 6 case was none other than Chris!

"Hey Chris, look, here's you." Paige told him. He didn't look very interested.

"Of course I'm in it." He sounded a little arrogant when he said that. Not that he intended to sound like that, but he was too lazy to explain to the morons that he obviously would be in it.

"Okay guys, I've been thinking. We've lived all of this stuff, why do we have to watch it again? I mean, maybe we could skip to season 6 and take a peek at the future." Paige told them. She had an excellent point, but Chris really didn't want them to know about the future. Seeing as it was unavoidable, he would just hold it off.

"Well, I haven't seen it. It might be nice to take a trip down memory lane." He tried to convince them. They looked like they were about to argue further, but Chris got up and grabbed the remote. The main menu was already up so he clicked a random episode. It landed on Bite Me. It sounded twisted and sexual. **(A/N The sexual part just me?) **

On the screen in the living room, a demon throws a lightning ball at Piper and she dives over the couch. The demon then throws another at the couch, destroying it.

_"Paige, where are you!"_ Paige orbs in with Phoebe. _"Look out!" _TV Piper shouts. The demon is about to throw another lightning ball and Phoebe knocks her arm. The lightning ball hits the piano. The demon punches Phoebe and she flies against the fireplace. Piper runs over and kicks the demon. She gets a spell out of her pocket.

_"Cause of pain we have dissevered, demon you are gone forever." _The TV Charmed Ones chant. The demon burst into flames screaming as she goes.

_"Sorry to bother you, but she was immune to my powers." _A guilty Piper says. They stand up.

_"That's okay, I was just getting ready to leave work." _Phoebe says. Chris bursts into laughter. They look at him curious. Probably thinking he's going insane. Leo only wishes.

"What's wrong with your bangs? They're all short and choppy. It looks like a 4 year old attacked your hair." Phoebe glares at him.

"It was the style back then." She lies.

"Oh, honey, you are going to need a way better lie than that. Nobody in their right minds would get that hair cut. Well, I guess that explains it. When have you ever been in your right mind?" Paige jokes. Phoebe smacks her on the arm.

On the TV they missed a bit of the conversation. It wasn't that confusing though seeing as the sisters lived it and well Leo did too, and Chris didn't really care seeing as he was still shaking from the silent laughter of Phoebe's horrific hair cut.

_"It's good to know that we can live apart and still kick some butt if we have to, right? So do I wanna ask about this demon with the bad manicure?"_ Phoebe asks.

_"Ah, Harpi. Part of a faction. Tried to kill us to move up in the world. You know, pretty standard stuff. You wanna stay for dinner?"_ Piper asks hopefully.

_"Mm, I would love to, but Cole is planning this whole romantic thing for us tonight."_

_"Yeah, I just thought, you know, maybe we could talk."_ Piper says sadly.

_"Why? Are you okay? Is everything okay?"_ Phoebe asks going into panic mode.

_"Yeah, everything's fine, I just thought maybe we could catch up. Another time."_ A very sad Piper says.

_"Do you want me to, um, orb you home?"_ Paige asks.

_"No, Cole's not so crazy about you Orbing in without calling first. Except for emergencies, you know. You understand."_

"Oh, so now he owns you?" Chris asks angrily. "Cole says no Orbing so that means no Orbing. What a power-possessed asshole."

_"Okay. I'm gonna go."_ There's this awkward silence. Never thought I'd see the day where talking to your sisters was awkward. _"I'll call you guys."_ Phoebe walks out the front door.

_"No Orbing?"_ Paige asks.

_"Don't start with the suspicions, Paige. Cole's probably just trying to protect their privacy."_ Piper walks away.

_"He's trying to protect something."_ She says to herself, or to the voices in her head.

"What's with you Paige?" Phoebe asks.

"Oh, this was the time I was suspecting that Cole was a demon . . . and turned out to be right." She tackled at the end.

"Yes, yes, we all know you're right. How many times do I have to say you were right?" Phoebe demanded.

"Until I get tired of it, which is never." Paige said happily.

_"Vegetarian egg white omelet just the way you like it."_ Cole told Phoebe. He kisses the top of her head with a loud smacking noise.

_"That's sweet, honey, but I think my stomach has other plans."_

_"What's the matter?"_ Cole asks concerned.

_"Headache, upset stomach. It's going around right now."_

_"So, maybe you should call in sick."_

_"While so many relationships are in peril? What would San Francisco do without my advice column? I gotta go."_ They kiss. _"Um, I wanna invite my sisters over for dinner this week. Is that okay?"_

_"Well, we just moved out."_ Cole said. Probably irritated that she was still so attached to her sisters.

_"Yeah, I know, but I wanna show them the place. Besides, I don't want them to think that they're not still part of my life, you know."_

_"Fine, just no Orbing, alright?"_

_"Already taken care of." _He goes to kiss her and sees a scratch on her shoulder.

_"What happened?"_

_" Oh, nothing, my shoulder just got in the way of a Harpi's claw, that's all."_

_"A Harpi? You got attacked? Why didn't you tell me?" _

_"Because I didn't think it was that big of a deal, that's why."_

_"WELL, IT IS TO ME!! Sorry, I'm sorry_." He puts his arms around her. _"It's just I think I deserve to know when my wife gets hurt."_

_"You're right, you do." _Phoebe agrees as they kiss again. Chris starts to make a gagging noise and Phoebe glares at him. Julie – Cole's assistant – walks in.

_"Excuse me, Mr. Turner. Your 9:00 is waiting in the lobby."_ The slutty looking blonde tells him.

_"Julie. What are you doing here? You didn't tell me she was here." _Phoebe said anger evident in her voice, or maybe suspicion that he was cheating on her – which isn't true.

_"Well, we're working at the apartment today, they're painting my office. You don't mind, do you?" _

_"No, no, of course not."_ They kiss again, and Chris makes those gagging noises, and real Phoebe glares. Julie rolls her eyes. _"Make yourself at home."_

_"I will, thank you."_ Phoebe leaves. _"Pretty little witch if you're into that sort of thing."_

_"I am. Get the leader of the Harpis. I want to explain to her the consequences of attacking my wife." _The seductress shimmers away.

"Wow, you sure are jealous." Piper says.

"Me? Jealous? Yeah right. How would you know anyway? I thought I was the Empath." Phoebe said, obviously.

"It's a sister thing." Piper replied.

"No, it's practically written across your face." Chris contradicts. Phoebe turned to Paige hoping for another opinion.

"I gotta agree with future boy on this one. A little green monster is raging inside of you."

"I'm confused. Why is Phoebe jealous?" Leo asks.

"What are you gay? She's freakin hot and Phoebe thinks that she going to try to steal Cole away or already has." Chris stated pointedly.

"I am not gay!" Chris just stares at him waiting for him to crack, but Leo being, well Leo, and a pacifist against most things that don't involve Chris, backed down from the fight and continued to watch the TV like the pansy he is.

"I win!" Chris shouted happily.

"I have a kid and a wife." Leo pointed out.

"Ex-wife." Piper butted in.

"So does Tom Cruise." Chris pointed out. On the TV Piper and Leo are in the kitchen kissing when Paige walks in.

_"Ooh, sorry, am I interrupting_?" They pull away.

_"Uh, actually, I need to get going. There's an upsurge in demonic activity and the Elders wanna figure out why."_

_"Well, since that demonic activity spilled into our living room last night, I'm assuming it has something to do us."_ Paige said while poring herself some coffee.

_"I'll keep an eye out and let you know if I find anything out."_ He looks at Piper _"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_ Piper replies.** (A/N Wouldn't it just be hilarious if he was talking to Paige and it got all awkward?) **They kiss again and he orbs out. Seriously what is with all the kissing?

_"You okay?"_ Paige asks.

_"Me? Yeah, I'm fine." _

_"Liar. Look, I know I am not Phoebe, but I am still your sister and you can talk to me."_

_"It's, it's just silly. My, uh, period was late this month by a couple of days and I guess I got my hopes up a little."_

_"That's not silly, honey, you want kids, right?"_

_"Yeah, of course, it's just that we've been trying..."_

_"For a couple of months."_

_"Four. But who's counting?"_

_"Oh, Piper, you're not baking cookies, you know. It's gonna take some time."_

_"Yeah, I know, I guess I was just worried that something could be wrong. Getting flung around by demons isn't exactly conducive to making babies."_

_"Okay, a) you're gonna have kids, you saw that in your future, and b) I am living proof that magic happens when Whitelighters and witches get together. So the sooner you stop worrying about it, the sooner I will be an aunt."_

_"Thanks."_ Piper says while hitting her arm.

_"Welcome"_ Paige replies while hitting her on the arm. She body bumps her and they laugh.

"To bad the kids gonna turn evil." Chris says.

"HE IS NOT EVIL!" Leo shouts again. Phoebe got up in an angry whirl wind.

"He is evil. The Wyatt that came to the past may have been stupid and—well stupid, but that was because he hasn't been around us for eight years so he didn't know how to act. He started acting more evil towards when he left though, didn't he? He just through an energy ball at Chris for no reason. Now I saw it with my own eyes. Yes, I don't want to believe that that sweet little angel could turn evil, but he does. Now you need to get that through your thick ass skull!" Phoebe defended the irritated half breed.

Leo stared at Phoebe in shock. "Chris brain washed you, didn't he?" Leo asked.

Phoebe threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "You're hopeless." She shouted.

"Nice try Pheebs. Nice try…" Chris trailed off in thanks. On the TV a guy walks out of a dark corner in Cole's office thing.

_"Thank you for the audience. Queen sent me to_–" The light haired brunette guy starts.

_"You can tell your queen that if she steps a foot inside my realm, she'll beg me to banish her again."_

_"–Sent me to tell you that we've learned our lesson, and we're willing to serve you_." The guy continues like Cole didn't interrupt him.

_"No thanks. I already have enough demons betraying me."_

_"You haven't even heard our offer."_

_"I think you should be leaving now."_ Paige orbs in. _"Paige."_

_"Oops, I just thought I'd pop in."_

_"From where?"_ He asks feigning confusion with a slight smile on his face.

_"Uh, the kitchen. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"_

_"No, we're done here. Elevator's that way, Rowan."_ Rowan leaves. _"What the hell do you think you're doing? This is exactly why I don't want you people Orbing in here."_

_"You people? Nice."_

_"What do you want?"_

_"Phoebe. I think Piper needs to talk to her."_

_"Well, you missed her, but why don't you orb on over to the newspaper, I'm sure those journalists can keep a secret."_

_"Just tell her I stopped by, okay? And I gotta ask; why is it so dark in here in the middle of the day?"_

_"Migraine. Which you're only adding to."_

_"You know, what, Cole? Just bite me."_

"Guess we know where the episode name comes from." Chris says.

"Awe!" Paige says sadly.

"What?" Piper asks.

"That guy was so hot. Too bad he was a vampire!"

"A vampire? That would explain the dark room." Chris said.

"How would you know?" Leo asked suspicious.

"It's common knowledge." Chris retorted angrily.

"Yeah seriously Leo. What'd ya think that he was a vampy or something?" Paige asked,

"My peanut is too sweet to be a vampire, aren't you? Yes, you are." Piper said in a baby voice while trying to pinch his cheeks, but he swatted her hands away.

"Peanut?" Phoebe asked at the same time Leo asked "Why are you pinching his cheeks?"

"It will all be explained in good time." Chris said mocking the Elders. It sounded more like a question though.

"That only works for elders." Leo said.

"Oooh! Oooh! I have an idea. How about we watch the TV now?" Paige suggested. They nodded their heads and turned to see the vampire Rowan taking to his queen.

_"You're certain of her identity?"_ The queen asked while one of her 'children' or minions gave her a sponge bath.

_"She's the sister of the Source's new bride. That makes her a Charmed One."_

_"This might be our lucky day. And you said meeting with the new Source would be useless." _The queen said happily.

_"He refused your offer, didn't he?"_ One of the demons that betrayed Cole asked.

_"Yes, but he gave us something much more valuable instead. If we can get a Charmed One on our side, we can use her magic to take over the underworld before the new Source can. We can destroy him and anyone else who opposes us."_ The queen told them.

_"Yeah, but she's a witch. They don't change sides on a whim."_ The demon retorted.

_"Oh, I think I can get her to see things our way. With your permission of course."_ Rowan said to his queen.

_"By all means. Take whomever you need."_

"He totally blew me off!" Paige shouted angrily.

"So? He's a demon." Chris said.

"First of all, he's a vampire and second of all, it doesn't excuse what he did. You would think him probably being immortal and so old he would have enough manners to call."

"Honey, he was too busy biting you." Phoebe said.

"What? Ew. What does that mean?! Oh, oh! Oh, uh, yeah I knew that. Okay um yeah." Chris stuttered.

Leo laughed at how un-comfortable Chris looked. _**Ha! Look how uncomfortable he is. You deserve it. My little boy isn't evil. **_He thought.

"Is too." Chris answered. It was very confusing for the people who couldn't read minds.

On the TV Paige, Piper, and Leo were in P3. Paige was complaining how he date didn't show up, and then Phoebe showed up asking if she was still aloud to get free drinks. The sisters commented on how horrible she looked and Leo went to heal her Harpi scratch, but of course them being in public all three sisters hit him on the arm complaining about exposure. So now they are in the backroom of the club.

_"Feel any better?" _Leo asked Phoebe when he was done healing her arm.

_"A little I think."_

_"So any word from the Elders on what's going on?"_ Piper asked changing the topic.

_"No, not yet."_

"Nothing different there." The sisters said together.

_"Why, what's going on?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"A lot of bad guys, apparently more than usual."_ Piper answered.

_"Should we be worried?" _Questioned Phoebe

_"Nope, not until after dinner. You wanna join us?"_ Piper asked hopefully.

_"Um, okay, sure why not?"_

_"I'm not, I'm gonna go. I don't want Rowan thinking I was waiting for him if he shows up this late."_

_"God forbid. You buying?"_ Piper directs the last part towards Leo.

_"Uh, you kidding?"_ He retorts. Piper and Leo leave the room. Phoebe's about to follow when Paige stops her.

_"Phoebe, uh, I think you should try to find a moment to talk to Piper."_

_"Why, is something wrong?"_

_"No, not really, I just think she could use your support about something. That's why I Orbed over to your place this morning..."_

_"Wait, you Orbed over to my place after I specifically asked you not to? Paige, what were you thinking?"_

_"I was just trying to help Piper."_

_"Was Cole upset?"_

_"A little... a lot."_ Paige admitted.

_"Great, Paige. Just great."_ Phoebe leaves the room.

_"I was just trying to help."_

"Bitch." Paige says.

"Uhh!" Phoebe protests.

"Like you can deny it." She counters. The TV screen cuts to the hospital. Paige was just attacked by bats, vampire bats of course. Only could a Halliwell be attacked by bats in San Francisco.

_"So am I the weirdest case you've ever seen?" _Paige asks the doctor.

_"I don't know. I've worked the night shift for a while now. Seen some pretty strange things."_

_"Yeah, but these were bats, doc."_ Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk in the room.

_"Paige, Paige, oh my god. Are you okay?"_ Phoebe asks frantically. She's probably guilty for being such a hormonal bitch to her earlier.

_"What happened?"_ Piper asked.

"_Bats. Lots of bats."_ Paige answers.

_"Are you the sisters?"_

_"Yeah. Is she gonna be alright?"_ Phoebe asks.

_"Honestly, if she hadn't been found by somebody in time, she might've bled to death."_

_"But she's gonna be okay?"_ Leo asked.

_"Yes. Have some rest, and rabies shots."_

_"Ouch."_ Paige complains and the doctor laughs.

_"You got attacked by bats outside of my club? That can't be natural. Can it?"_

_"Well, bat bites aren't completely unheard of in this city. I have a friend over at county, he treated one a couple of months ago."_

_"Right, but these were bats plural." _Paige tells him. The doctor's pager beeps.

_"I'll be right back. Excuse me."_ The Indian doctor leaves the room.

_"Sounds more natural than supernatural to me."_ Leo says.

_"Yeah, well, I'm thinking vampires."_ Paige said.

_"Vampires? That'd be different."_ Piper said.

_"No, that's not possible."_ Phoebe said.

_"Why not?"_ Paige asks.

_"Well, because as far as I know, vampires attack in human form and not as a swarm of bats. You know, it's gotta be something else."_

_"It's true. Vampires have been ostracized from the underworld for centuries. As far as I know they're a part of a whole different network now."_

"You're referring to a movie, Phoebe." Chris points out.

"Yeah, so?"

"That's fake. This is the real world."

"Nuh-uh." Phoebe says like a stubborn child.

"I'm your white lighter." Chris says.

"Yeah, so?" Phoebe repeats.

"I'm your white lighter, therefore, I win."

"What!? Why?!?"

"Because I'm your white lighter."

"But that doesn't count!" Phoebe yelled in protest.

"Blahh! Don't wanna hear it. I win, you lose, game over." He said in a final tone. He was just as stubborn as Phoebe. So stubborn to where he wouldn't back down from this fight unless he won which he did. So Ha!

On the TV the sisters and Leo were in the attic trying to find out what attacked Paige.

_"Manticore."_ Piper says.

_"Fights, but doesn't fly."_ Phoebe replies.

_"Phoenix."_ Piper asks.

_"Flies, but doesn't fight."_

"That's not true." Chris protests.

"And how would you know?" Leo asks.

"Um, I may know some Phoenix witches in the future." Chris says.

"Yeah, but Chris we were talking about a different Phoenix. You're thinking about the assassins." Phoebe said. **(A/N Not exactly positive on this. But let's just pretend it's true.) **Chris blushed. He knew that.

"Why do you know assassins?" Leo asked suspiciously.

"I don't have to answer that." Chris said seeing as he couldn't come up with something better.

"Okay...um let's just continue watching the TV." Paige said slowly. On the TV Cole walks into the attic.

_"Cole." _Phoebe said.

_"Honey, I came as soon as I could." _Phoebe walks over and hugs him.

_"I'll be fine, don't worry."_

_"How's Paige? Where is she?" _Cole asks in fake concern.

_"She's sleeping, I healed her." _Leo answered.

_"Are you sure?" _Cole asked.

_"Yeah, why?"_

_"Do you know what we're up against?" _Questioned Piper.

_"Well, bats that bite can only mean one thing. Vampires."_

_"No, we ruled them out. It doesn't seem like their MO." _Phoebe said.

_"Have you ever seen a vampire?"_

_"No, but I've read about them."_

_"Well, I've dealt with them. You can trust me." _He stuttered. **(A/N There's a part missing I couldn't understand it so yeah let's just pretend he said you can trust me.)**

_"I think he may be right."_ Piper agreed while looking down at the Book.

_"Wait, you dealt with vampires as a demon? How is that possible? I thought they were pariahs in the underworld."_ Said none other than Leo.

_"Well, I wasn't too picky who I dealt with. I didn't care that the Source had banished them for selling him out to his enemies."_

_"Well, why attack a Charmed One now? What do they want?"_ Leo asked.

_"Well, there must be a power struggle. They must be trying to overtake the underworld."_

_"By killing Paige?"_ Phoebe asked confused.

_"What's that suppose to mean?"_ Paige shouted in offense.

_"No, by turning her into a vampire." _Cole explained.

_"Paige!" _Piper shouts.

The screen cuts to Piper, Phoebe, Leo, and Cole walking into her room. The room is very dark so they turn on the light. _"Where'd she go?"_ Piper asked. They see Paige hanging upside down from the ceiling.

_"Oh my god! Paige."_ Phoebe shouts.

Paige turns into a bat and flies out the window as Cole shouts_ "Watch out!"_

"That was so cool!" Chris shouts. His Aunt turned into a vampire! Awesome! He noticed how they all gave him strange looks. He cleared his throat. "I mean that's bad, very, very bad."

"It was kinda cool." Piper struggled out. I mean, her sister turned into a bat! How the hell is that not cool? But then again, Paige is her sister and almost losing her to evil might not be so great.

"I know! Rowan was so hot. The queen was very nice it was like a big family. And don't get me started on the outfits!" Paige squealed. She said it very fast.

"I didn't get any of that, did you?" Chris asked them. They all shook their heads no so they turned back to the TV blocking out Paige's insane rambling. On the screen that they've grown so fond of over the last day and a half Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo were up in the attic trying to figure out how to get Paige back.

_"I ransacked the whole house and this is all I could find."_ Phoebe said as she showed them a box.

_"Okay, so what do we do about the holy water?"_ Piper asked.

_"I can get some."_ Leo said.

_"You know, that stuff's only gonna help you fight off the vampires, it's not gonna change Paige back."_ Cole said, join the conversation.

_"Yeah, I'm working on that. According to the __Book__, if you kill a vampire queen then all her little vampires die with her." _Piper said.

_"Really? Interesting. They certainly don't like the spread that around."_ Cole said in-between tiny laughs that sounded kinda like snorts.

"What!" Paige shrieked stopping her babbling. "You guys were going to kill me?" Paige asked in a tiny voice.

"No!" Phoebe said in disbelief. How could her sister think that? However Piper said, "If necessary, yes." at the same time.

"What?" Everyone said in unison, well, everyone except Piper, seeing as it was directed towards her.

"Well you were a vampire. You were evil. I couldn't let you live especially if you killed an innocent." Piper said.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't take offense seeing as you were ready to kill Phoebe too when she became Queen of All Evil." Paige said.

"Wait, what?" Chris asked.

"Don't ask." The sisters and Leo said together.

"But I just did..." Chris trailed off. He wasn't going to get an answer seeing as everyone was watching the TV.

_"Well, I'll get the holy water once I fill in the Elders about the new Source."_ Leo says before he orbs out. They all watch as Cole and Phoebe get into a mini fight about Phoebe going to a cemetery. It was very amusing to Chris and Paige seeing as they hate Cole.

"Why'd you even hook up with Cole?" Chris asked as they watched Cole on TV talking to his demon lackeys.

" 'Cause he's hot, he understood me, he was there for me..." Phoebe trailed off.

"He's a demon." He pointed out.

"HALF! Half demon. He was half demon." Phoebe protested.

"Who became the Source." Paige said helping Chris.

"That wasn't his fault. He was possessed by the Source." Phoebe said.

"Really? I thought the Source's power just corrupted him." Said Piper.

"Yeah, see that always confused me." Leo told them. They all agreed. Seriously! On the TV the vampire queen was drinking a guys blood. She pulled back with a disgusted look.

_"Uh, sorry to interrupt you during dinner."_ Rowan said to his queen.

_"That's all right, I've had better. Is she here then?"_ The queen asked.

_"Just arrived."_ He answered. Paige walks in.

_"She's perfect. She'll fit right in."_

_"Probably because she's so pale."_ Phoebe snickered.

_"Uhh!"_ Paige shouted in offense.

_"I thought you'd like her."_

The queen walks over to Paige. _"Are you hungry, my dear?"_ She asks.

_"Famished."_

_"That's wonderful. Now for your first meal, I have two savory victims in mind."_ Some female vampires walk over to Paige and place red robes over her shoulders.

_"Here you are."_ One of the vamps said.

_"Anything for you, my queen."_ Paige tells her while glancing at the silky red robes.

_"I want you to go back to your sisters, Paige, take a taste of your own blood. It will seal your conversion and turn them as well."_

_"That's genius. The Power of Three on our side. The Source will be no match for us."_ Rowan interrupts.

_"My sisters are very powerful. They won't join us willingly. I don't think I can do it alone."_ Paige says quietly.

_"Oh my darling. Look around you. That's what families are for."_ The queen tells her. Paige bends down on her knee and the queen puts a hand on her head.

"You were just so willing to join. Why didn't you fight!?" Piper asked, or shrieked is more like it.

"Piper, give her a break. She's a vampire now. She has this big family with her. It probably looked inviting. Plus, don't tell me that you fought the temptation of evil." Chris gave her a pointed look.

"That's beside the point. We are talking about Paige's temptations not mine. Paige, we taught you everything we knew. We told you to resist the pull, but then you go and, and turn into a vampire!" Piper yelled.

"Okay first of all, I mostly taught myself seeing as you both were either mourning Prue or too busy with your own lives. Second of all, you guys are both hypocrites! You both have turned evil how many times? And when I get turned evil once you flip shit." She said angrily. "Plus, Phoebe was the QUEEN OF ALL EVIL! Was she turned? No. She just went all Darth Vader on us and joined the demon's side! She went because of her 'Beloved Cole'. Who might I add, created an alternative universe where he killed me off!" Paige added.

"It always goes back to me and Cole, doesn't it?" Phoebe asked rhetorical.

"Why don't you all just take some calming breaths..." Leo started but he was cut off.

"Shut up, Leo!" The sisters shouted. Chris gave Leo a pitied glance. He may hate the guy, but for all three of them to gang up on him. Let's just say 'Oh, crap'.

"Okay, guys, seriously, how about we just watch the TV." Chris suggested.

"Nobody asked your opinion, Chris." Phoebe said irritated.

"Hey, don't you talk to my s-white-Whitelighter that way!" Piper yelled. Phew, she almost slipped. None of the sisters noticed though because they were all caught up in their own anger. They turned back to the TV, to angry to even discuss the matter anymore.

On the TV they saw a bat fly in a graveyard and turn into Paige. Paige sat on a tombstone in a red top and red skirt. Phoebe and Piper were there as well and they were hugging.

_"Aww, don't I get a hug?"_ Paige asked sarcastically. Piper and Phoebe pull out of the hug and turn towards Paige.

_"Paige."_ Phoebe said.

_"How did you find us?" _Piper asked.

_"We share the same blood, Piper."_ She jumps off the tombstone. _"I sniffed you out."_

_"Paige, listen to me."_ Piper starts as she walks towards Paige. _"We can go back to the manor and we'll find something to change you back."_

_"Nah."_ Paige says as she sends Piper flying into another tombstone.

_"Whoa, hold it."_ Phoebe warns. She holds a cross out in front of her.

_"Why you gotta be like that?"_ Paige kicks the cross out of Phoebe's hand. They start fighting. Paige kicks Phoebe in the stomach and knocks her to the ground. Paige leans over her. _"Now it's time we really bond as sisters." _She goes to bite Phoebe, but Leo orbs in and squirts holy water on Paige. She screams and runs away. Leo helps Phoebe up.

_"Paige, we are just trying to help you, damn it."_ Piper yells at her.

Paige stops and turns around. _"Catch me if you can."_ She turns into a bat and flies away.

_"Leo, Leo, come on, Orb."_ Phoebe says quickly. Leo orbs out with Phoebe and Piper. Leo Orbs them into the vampire's cave.

_"Where are we? I can't see a thing."_ Phoebe complained.

_"Here."_ Piper says as she turns on a flashlight and points it on the roof. Dozens of bats are hanging from it.

_"Well, which one's Paige?"_ Leo asked.

_"How should I know?"_ Piper retorted. The torches on the wall light up. The queen, Paige and Rowan walk in.

_"Welcome to our family."_ The queen says.

"See how willing they are to help you? Even after you kicked their asses." Chris said. Paige smiled at the kicking their asses part. The smile turned into a frown.

"They just need me for their precious Power of Three." Chris glared at his Mother until she finally got what he was trying to say. She huffed reluctantly.

"Paige, I'm sorry. I over reacted. I'll admit it. I mean, Phoebe and I both had our share of being turned evil. I lashed out and I was wrong. Can you forgive me?" Piper asked. It was hard to admit it seeing as she was so stubborn, but she noticed it was true. Paige searched her eyes, trying to see if what she was saying she actually meant.

"I forgive you." Paige said. They both turned towards Phoebe waiting for her to say her apology.

"Psh why are you looking at me? I barely had anything to do with this fight." Leo glared at her. "Ugh, fine! I'm sorry that you both hate me so much that whenever you get the chance you bring back one of my worst memories. I was thinking of my child! God damn. You can relate to that can't you Piper?" Phoebe asked. Piper nodded her head.

"I speak for the both of us. We're sorry, Phoebe. Oh yeah, and I think you have to say sorry to someone else." Piper pointed out nudging her head towards Chris. Chris was staring at his Mother in wonder. All of his family would have one of the worst fights, but they would always somehow make up.

"I'm sorry, Chris." Phoebe said.

"What? Oh oh yeah it's okay Phoebe. I understand." She smiled then continued to watch the TV and everyone followed suit.

They missed some of the conversation, but they caught on quickly. The queen was trying to convince the two oldest Halliwell sisters to join them. Of course they said no so the two sisters attacked the bats hanging from the cave.

Paige and the Queen ran off to another part of the cave. Cole flamed in behind the Queen and Paige wearing an ugly black turtleneck sweater. He throws Paige to the floor and advances on the Queen.

_"The Source. I should've bitten you."_

_"Yeah, well, bite this."_ He throws a fireball at the queen and she is vanquished. Cutting to Piper, Phoebe and Leo. The bats falls from the roof in little balls of flames.

_"What's going on?" _Phoebe asked.

_"The Queen must be dead. Paige!"_ Piper shouts. Cutting back to the other cave. Cole is bouncing a fireball in his hand. He's about to throw it at Paige when he hears Piper shout Paige's name. He puts out the fireball.

_"In-laws."_ He mutters before flaming out.

"How many times did that bastard try to kill me?" Paige shouts. TV Paige tells her sisters and Leo about how she saw the new Source. The screen cuts to the manor.

_"You're up early. Vampire nightmares."_ Piper asks Paige.

_"Oddly enough, no. Just some other thoughts."_

_"Any you want to share?"_

_"You wouldn't be interested."_

_"Try me."_ Piper challenged.

_"They're about Cole."_

_"I'm listening."_

_"Okay. Remember the guy that stood me up?"_

_"Uh, how could I? Never met him."_

_"Yeah, you did actually. He was one of the vampires. When I first met him at the penthouse, he was there seeing Cole. Now I know what you're gonna say, maybe Cole didn't know he was a vampire and we should probably give him the benefit of the doubt, and you're right we should."_

_"So then why do I get the sinking feeling that you might be onto something?"_ Piper asks.

_"You do?"_ Paige said surprised.

_"Well, it's just a lot of little things. Like, him not wanting you to Orb in, him not wanting us to..."_

_"Save me?"_

_"Go after vampires. I mean, I'm not saying that he's a demon, okay, because we both know that's not possible."_

_"We both know anything is possible."_ Paige corrected.

_"Okay, but what if we're wrong? Then we lose Cole and Phoebe forever."_

_"We're not wrong. Something is not right."_

"You know what confuses me? Why don't you guys every listen to Paige? Her instinct are usually right." Chris asked.

"Yeah, how come you don't?" Paige asked.

"Honey, don't talk offense your just not as experienced as we are." Phoebe said gently.

"Uhh!" Paige yelled. That's not fair.

On the TV they saw Phoebe talking on the phone in her new house.

_"Hello?. . .This is Phoebe Halliwell. . . Hi, doctor, did the test results come in? I'm... what?" _She faints. The doctor's voice can be heard out of the phone.

_"I-I double checked the results myself. You're pregnant, Miss Halliwell. Congratulations. Miss Halliwell? Miss Halliwell? Hello?"_

"You're what?" Chris yelled. "You carried the Source's spawn! Oh god eww. You..." He didn't know what to say. His Aunt was not only once the Queen of All Evil, but she carried the Source's baby!

"That is exactly what I was thinking. Talk about shudder." Paige agreed. "Now who wants to pick the next episode?"

* * *

**I know alot of people said do season 6. I just couldn't bring myself to do it for the reasons in the authors not above. Can you guys forgive me? *Does irrisistible puppy dog eyes*. Did you guys resist? Holy crap you did? Wow that was lame. Okay thanks for reading, review and tell me the next episode. I really hope you liked it. Also I'm sorry it took so long. I was at my Father's house, he doesn't have a computer. So I couldn't know if my beta sent my chapter back and even if she did how would I get it up? Ya know what I mean? Yeah ya do.**

**Review.**

**Review.**

**Review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**They will be watching "The Fifth Halliwheel". Sorry if anyone's disappointed. I actually almost cried watching this episode. They were so mean to Paige! I hope you like it. Please, please review. I would just like to say that for the next chapter we are going to season 5. And you don't have to say in your review what you would like them to watch. I will tell you when I want suggestions again though. That doesn't mean I don't want your review though. lolli-holly-m-c-piper gave me a whole list of episodes from season 5 she would like me to do. So I will use a couple of those for the next chapters. Also to lolli I love your screen name, it just rolls of your tounge. Lastly sorry for not updating in so long. In my author note it explained that I had some writer's block.**

* * *

I still don't own Charmed. Damn it! This totally sucks.

This story was beta'd by Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.

"I'll pick the next episode." Chris rushed out. He really didn't want them to see the future yet. He'll hold it off as long as he can.

"But you just picked the episode!" Phoebe pouted.

"So?" He grabbed the remote and picked a random episode. He chose the Fifth Halliwheel.

"Humph. Besides that's two episodes before Bite me." Phoebe said while slouching back into the couch.

"Your point?" Chris asked.

The screen shows Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Cole at P3. Phoebe and Cole, Piper and Leo are snuggled up together while Paige sits by herself looking a little lonely.

_"To our marriage."_ Phoebe said excitedly. They all clink their glasses together. Phoebe nibbles on Cole's ear. Chris makes a gagging noise.

_"Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary." _Piper said talking about her and Leo.

_"Oh, right. Uh, to Piper and Leo's marriage. May ours be as successful as theirs."_ Phoebe corrected.

_"Yeah, see that still didn't sound like it was about us."_ Piper said. Phoebe giggles at Cole. Piper and Leo kiss. Paige starts to feel even more uncomfortable.

_"Well, all right, everybody, I, uh, am gonna go, I'm tired."_ Paige said awkwardly.

_"Wait, you can't go yet, Paige. We haven't gotten to the good part." _Cole said secretly hoping that she would leave anyway.

_"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening."_ Paige said sarcastically.

_"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, are we boring you?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"No, no, it's just it is weird seeing a girl that wasn't the marrying type be so married."_ Paige said quietly.  
_  
"Piper tried to tell me that it was going to be great and different."_ Phoebe said.  
_  
"Well, you just have to experience it and you'll understand."_ Piper said while Phoebe and Cole kissed again.  
_  
"All right, so the good part?"_ Paige pushed.

_"Oh, yes, the good part."_ Cole hands an envelope to TV Piper and TV Leo.

Realization dawned on Paige's face. "Oh, oh god! I hate this. I can't watch this. I can't." Paige says hysterically.

"Paige, what's wrong?" Leo asks.

"You seriously don't remember! You bastards! You just wait and see."Paige wailed. Her usually pale face is covered with red blotches and tear trails. Phoebe plops down from the couch and holds her.

_"Hang on, you got them tickets to Hawaii?"_ Paige asks incredulous.

_"Well, not plane tickets, they'll have to orb there. But, uh, hotel and a couple of nice dinners._" Cole answered.

_"Cole, I can't believe you did this."_ Piper says in a touched voice.

_"Am I missing something? Aren't you unemployed? How did you afford this?"_ Paige asks suspicious.

_"A-a-a-ah. That's tomorrow's surprise. For tonight, another toast. To Leo and to Piper, a life time of happiness."_ They clink their glasses again and Cole takes a swig of his beer. He chokes on the liquid from seeing the seer across the room.

"You know what confuses me?" Paige asked while looking up from Phoebe's chest. "Why the hell nobody believed me. I thought that Cole might be a demon. You guys blew me off. That really hurts you know."

"I agreed with you." Piper protested.

"Reluctantly. I mean I can't believe you would do that." Paige sobbed.

"I love...d Cole. How could I believe that? I didn't want to believe that." Phoebe said.

"Bastard." Chris mumbled to Cole. He knew he could hear him. The invisible Cole's head shot up at that and he glared. "You see what I mean? Cole never did anything for you, except cause heart ache. This is why I like Coop."

"Nobody asked for your opinion Chris. Plus, how do I even know this Coop is so great anyway?" Phoebe asked.

"What did I tell you? Don't talk to my Whitelighter that way." Piper said angrily.

"Why do you care for him so much? It's just Chris." Leo asked a twinge of jealousy in his voice.

"_That_ is none of your business." Piper said angrily. She turned towards the TV in a huff. The bathroom of the manor Phoebe and Paige are there putting on makeup.

_"Can I try this?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"Yeah, sure."_ Paige replied. Piper comes in.

_"My hair clip broke."_ Piper complains.

_"Try one of mine."_ Paige says. Piper pushes Phoebe out of the way.

_"Ooh, glowy."_ Phoebe says in awe while looking at herself in a hand held mirror.

_"Yeah, like you need more glow."_ Piper said.

_"Hey, isn't it weird how sex can replace sleep? I wonder if they've done any studies on that."_ Free- I mean TV Phoebe asked.

_"I remember Dave my ex-boyfriend-" _TV Paige started, but Phoebe cut her off.

_"No, no, no, it's different with boyfriends. I don't know why, but once you're married, it's just better, you know what I mean?"_TV Piper supplied.

"Husbands, incredibly sexy."

"You think I'm sexy?" Leo asks while smiling.

"THOUGHT! I thought you were. It's different now."

"How so?" Leo asked.

"You're an elder, therefore, I hate you."

"That's not fair." Leo pouted.

"Life isn't fair." Chris said. Leo glared at him.

"Nobody asked your opinion." Leo said, copying Phoebe.

"How many times do I have to say this! YOU DON'T TALK TO MY WHITELIGHTER THAT WAY!" Piper shouted angrily. Chris smirked happily while everyone else shrunk back in their seats. On the TV everyone is outside standing beside a silver convertible. Cole hands Phoebe some chocolate  
_  
"I got your favorite chocolates. And I reserved the honeymoon suite at the Mark."_

_"A honeymoon?"_ Phoebe asks.

_"Just for tonight. What do you say?"_ Leo said.

"Ooh, I say I need to do a little bit of shopping first I think. What do you say, Piper?"

"Uh, Rebekah Ryan's playing at the club tonight so I've gotta go set up."

"I'll cover for you. Gotta do something, Cole's making me look bad."

_"So, chocolates? You sure you don't want one, they smell pretty good?"_ Phoebe and Cole kiss. _"I love you."_

"Mmm, maybe you are evil."

_"So what law firm are you working for?"_ Paige asked interrupting the revolting sweet moment. Chris sighed in relief.

_"Are you familiar with San Francisco law firms?"_Paige said.

"Yeah, I deal with them from time to time."

_"Jack McCarter and Kline?"_ Paige said before leaving.

"Haven't heard of them. Well, I better get to work. Congratulations."

_"Thanks."_ The TV flips to a store and Phoebe comes out of the dressing room wearing a purple lingerie dress. Chris stared at the screen in horror. Not only was his Aunt wearing something way too revealing, but she was also buying it for Cole of all people.

"Do we have to watch this?" Chris asked.

"What? Can't handle my beauty?" Phoebe asks while blinking her eyes rapidly.

"Yeaaaah that's why." Chris said sarcastically.

"Nobody loves me!" Phoebe whines.

"No, that's not true. Somehow Coop loves you, and Cole loved you until you vanquished him like 5 times." Chris reminded her.

"Oh yeah."

"But that's not the reason why I don't want to watch this. You're my A-charge, you're my charge why would I want to see you dressed like that?"

"Leo likes to see us dressed like this, or at least, Piper dressed like that." Paige informed.

"Plus, this is almost as bad as having to sit in one of these shops with your girlfriend." Chris continued. He shuddered at the thought. He might not have gone shopping with Bianca - seeing as there is no mall - but his Aunts dragged him along. Eew. So of course he sat there while Phoebe was in the changing room. A lot people gave him questioning looks. NEVER AGAIN!

"Well, actually, all of your yapping caused us to miss the shopping part." Paige said while glancing at the TV.

"I didn't miss it." Leo said in a dazed voice. Piper blew him up while Phoebe smiled.

"Eew." Chris and Paige said together. On the TV Paige is talking to one of her co-workers, Lila.

_"Ugh, I still don't trust him. I called the firm and apparently he's telling the truth by getting that job."_ Paige said.

_"Wait, he told the truth. Rat."_ Lila said sarcastically.

_"I'm telling you, Lila, there's something weird going on. He couldn't function in the job that I got him here, I mean, he hit a client. Now all of a sudden he's Mr. Suave lawyer man."_ Lila explained a little exasperated.

"People change."

_"But not that quickly, not that much. There's something off about him and, uh, I'm gonna keep an eye on him, period."_  
_  
"Spying on the husband. Now that's a sure fire way to reconnect with your sister."_ Lila retorted.

TV Paige's phone rings. _"Paige Matthews." _She answered.

_"Hey, uh, we've got a witchy-type situation that could really benefit from your area of expertise. Any chance you could meet us back at the manor?" _Phoebe asked on the phone.

_"Yeah, I'll be right over."_ Paige replied.  
_  
"Great, see you there."_

"Why were you gonna spy on him?" Phoebe asked.

"If you guys weren't so caught up in your honeymoon phase, then you would have been too." Paige answered. "Well, maybe not Phoebe." She corrected herself.

"I would have been." Chris sided.

"Thank you, Chris." Paige said. He beamed at the praise.

"Well, he doesn't count. He's always paranoid." Phoebe said angrily.

"Well, you would be too if you grew up in my world." Chris replied surprisingly calm, for once. Let's face it, he sure does have his Mother's temper. Phoebe snorted. "Yeah right." She thought.

"I'm telling the truth." Chris said.

"Okay." Leo said sarcastically.

"You guys are hopeless. And Phoebe you saw it. In that premonition that was just the beginning!"

"You could have planted it." She retorted. Phoebe was still pissed. Leo smiled. At least Phoebe was on his side. Chris stared at the TV and bit his lip to stop his response.

On the TV a young woman with brown frizzy hair known as Karen was sitting on the manor's couch with the Charmed Ones and Cole.  
_  
"I was going in early, it was still dark, I said goodbye to my husband, and I don't remember."_ Karen starts to cry. _"I don't understand what's happening to me."_

_"Karen, I know you're scared, but we're gonna help you, I promise."_ Piper re-assured. Phoebe and Cole walk into the foyer.

_"What's wrong with her?"_ Cole asked referring to the innocent.

_"I don't know. I had a premonition that she was being attacked by demons, only I don't think it was a premonition, I think it already happened. But she was hit by some kind of light ball. So we might have to postpone this evening, baby."_Cole protested.

"No, we can't."

_"Well, innocents come first."_ He looks around and spots the chocolates on a table. He picks one up and holds it near Phoebe's mouth. _"Forgive me?"_ Phoebe hesitates and then takes a bite.

"Of course they do. I just, I just can't wait to be alone with you. I'll do whatever I can to help."

"There's something wrong with the chocolate." Chris said suspiciously.

"How do you know that?" Phoebe asked.

"Okay, well first of all, at one point in the show I saw the seer give them to Cole saying it would make Phoebe want to have-ha-" He struggled this part out. He looked like he was going to be sick. "Have se-sex with him." He shuddered in disgust.

Realization dawned on Piper's face. It slowly contorted into one of horror then to anger."That d-demon! How dare he let me eat that chocolate when he knew it was going to make me horny!" She shouted with a red face. The red face was mostly from embarrassment now though.

"Wait...it worked on you?" Chris asked with a twinkle of hope in his eyes. Maybe it would be easier to get his parents back together than he though. Now where can he find a demon that's pay was cheap.

"Chris! Earth to Chris! Is he okay?" Paige asked while waving a hand in front of Chris' face. Chris was staring at the wall with a distant look. _**"What's so interesting about that wall? It's not even a good color. Now see if I could choose it would be a bright lime green."**_ Her thoughts seemed to snap Chris out of his daze.

"Lime green? No wonder you weren't allowed to redecorate the manor." Chris said. Paige glared at him.

"It's called self-expression. You should try it some time." Paige said angrily. Piper and Phoebe were laughing silently catching on to what they were talking about.

"Like I have time for that." He snorted. "Plus, if I did have time it would be so much better than that."

"Are you challenging me to an artistic contest?" Paige asked while standing up.

"So what if I am?" Chris asked while relaxing a little into the couch. Well, it was more like cringing. He may have gotten some of artistic skills from his Aunt, but it mostly got put into cooking. Her son, Henry Jr., was the artistic one in the family. Of course, her twins Pandora and Patricia were also artistic, but that wasn't as much as Jr.

"Well, I say when all of these DVDs are over with we have a painting contest."

"Uhh, you know Paige I wasn't saying that your paintings weren't good because they are. All I'm saying is that your color schemes aren't the best." Chris said nervously. "Obviously that was why Henry chose the color pattern." He said to himself. But Paige being so close heard it.

"Who's Henry?"

"Crap you heard that? I mean nobody he's uhh nobody." Paige looked suspicious, but gave up and sat back on the floor.

TV Paige was staring at Cole who was just trying to use his magic on Karen.

_"I didn't hear you come in. What's the matter? You look like you saw a ghost."_ Cole asked while smiling.  
_  
"I'm not sure what I saw."_ Paige said, her body was frozen hypothetically speaking.

_"What do you mean?"_ Cole's smile disappearing and his eyes glistened with worry that she saw something.

_"What were you doing to her?"_

_"Well, I was comforting her. If you hadn't noticed she's hysterical." _He explained while walking towards the crying form of Karen.

"Nice cover up." Chris muttered. He had to admit Cole was extremely tactful. Also he covered up being evil fairly well.

"Nice cover up? What's that supposed to mean?" Leo asked suspiciously.

Piper sighed sadly. She obviously heard the tone in his voice. Why couldn't Leo see the good in Chris? She could see how each suspicious remark someone in her family pointed towards Chris made him flinch. 'Sorry honey.' Piper apologized in her thoughts and he smiled at her in forgiveness. That gesture nobody missed.

Leo glared at Chris even more. "Did you hear me? Or are you to busy staring at Piper?" He demanded. Paige and Phoebe giggled at seeing the blushing hybrid. Paige's giggles ceased seeing the mischief glint in the young man's eyes. She hit Phoebe to get her to stop laughing like a sociopath.

"Yeah, I was a little busy. Don't you just love the way her deep brown eyes twinkle in the light?" Chris asked. He was quoting something Leo thought and will think numerous more times. Leo blushed. He thought it so many times. But somehow he didn't quite pick up on that Chris was quoting Leo and thought he was hitting on Piper.

Piper looked abashed. Now you see she isn't as dumb as Leo - thank god! - and picked up on that Chris picked Leo's mind for that.

"Are you hitting on her?" He demanded. His face staying red from rage rather than embarrassment.

"Dumb ass," Chris mumbled to himself. "No, I am not 'hitting' on her you sick bastard. Talk about inc-," He caught himself though. He fake coughed like he was clearing his throat and continued.

Piper sighed in relief. She did so not want to have an hour conversation about how that was possible with Phoebe.

"I mean gross! That is disgusting. I mean she's like 50 in my time." He shuddered. Leo seemed like he was going to argue further about how Piper would still be beautiful blah, blah, blah, but Chris orbed him away with a wave of his hand.

" 'Bout damn time!" Paige exclaimed and continued to watch her, her sister's, and Cole talk about Karen.

_"I mean, what's the problem with her?" _Paige asked about Karen while looking at the Book of Shadows. _"Power Brokers?"_ She asked.

_"Of course."_ Cole says like it's obvious.

_"Apparently the light ball that was thrown at Karen was a demonic power."_ Phoebe informs.

_"Yeah, Brokers sometimes use people to store powers until they find a buyer. That way thieves can't get to them."_ Cole explained.

_"Human being possessed of a demonic power will become confused then frightened, paranoid, violent and demonic, will ultimately die if the power isn't withdrawn."_ Paige recited from the book.

_"So good news is there is a potion to pull the power out of her."_ Phoebe said while Cole swatted his hand behind his back and his pager magically beeped.

_"Uh, it's work. They probably want me to fill out more forms."_ Cole told them.

_"Okay, baby, well, you go and we'll call you if we need you."_ Phoebe said and then kissed him. Chris proceeded to make that gagging noise. Paige started to laugh. She loved Cole bashing. Nobody got away with hurting their family without paying the consequences. Even though Cole couldn't hear her or so she thought.

Phoebe stood over Chris trying to look menacing it didn't work out though. Menacing is Piper and Grams job.

"Why the hell do you have to keep doing that? You're seriously starting to piss me off! Don't make me blow you to bits!" Phoebe shouted angrily.

"Uh, Phoebe you don't have that power." Leo told her.

"Thanks for reminding me. I'll have Piper do it then."

"Like I would do that. He's too cute to be blown up. Yes you are." Piper said in baby talk while messing up Chris' already messy hair.

"Plus, there's always the guts to clean up from the ceiling." Paige added her two cents. Piper glared at her and Paige looked taken a back. She was smart enough not to say anything though. We all know that if she did say something it might possibly be her guts on the ceiling.

"Do you even know what romance is!" Phoebe shouted acting like nobody interrupted her. What surprised them was the look of longing that was placed on Chris' face.

"Yeah, I do." He said sadly. Wishing to be with Bianca right now. He fiddled with the ring in his pocket trying desperately to gather her presence from it.

"Wait what? You have a girlfriend?" Piper asked.

"No, fiancé." He said without thinking. The words registered in his brain and he looked hesitantly at his Mother's face. Ooops bad move. She looked absolutely pissed. Even worse than she was PMSing and she was angry. You never want an angrily PMS Piper, or an angry pregnant Piper, well let's just go with you don't want an angry Piper in general.

"You have a what!" She shrieked in outrage. "You're just a kid. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ENGAGED?"

"Why do you care?" Leo asked jealous.

"Not now Leo. Right now I am to angry at our so-Whitelighter."

"Witchlighter." Paige corrected. "But I am curious too. Why do you care so much about him? I mean he's just our Whitelighter. You haven't been this freaked out about a Whitelighter since Leo. Oh!" She stared at Piper in shock. Phoebe catching on quickly stared at them in shock also.

"Wait, I'm confused." Leo said.

"Not surprising." Paige retorted quickly. Now this is why Chris liked her a smidge bit better than Phoebe. They could relate more.

"They're in love!" Phoebe squealed.

"Wait! Didn't you just hear me? I have a fiancé!" Chris shouted trying to hide his disgust even though Piper had it clearly had it written in big block letters across her forehead. "Plus, that'd be like incest. I love Piper like a Mother." Piper nodded her head in agreement.

"Oh, okay I guess that makes sense." Paige said while sitting down. But Phoebe wasn't about to give up that easily.

"I wonder what your wedding would be like? How old are you anyway Chris? 18? Nah, your face isn't that rounded. You got to be in your early 20s. Oh I see it now! We'll have an outside wedding of course. We can do it all white. Ooh! It will just be fantastic. But of course you have to divorce Leo. But how would you even divorce him seeing as you were wedded by a dead person? Nobody human - but Darryl and Dad - were there. Plus Leo is technically dead. So you know what? Forget the divorce. You can't get divorced. But of course me and Paige will be your bidesma-" Phoebe rambled at a thousand hours a minute. What stopped her were the faces around her.

Paige was pre-occupied with the TV, Chris looked extremely embarrassed and disgusted, Piper was still furious about Chris being so young and engaged, Leo was red in the face because he heard everything. Leo looked like he could explode. Maybe that was why Phoebe kept getting these mood swings. Being an Empath sucks. Especially when it was that time of the month.

"Um, I'm just gonna pretend this conversation never happened." Leo said while trying to calm himself down in that gay ass elderly way.

"I agree." Chris said which surprised everyone and disgusted himself. Since when does he, Christopher 'Stubborn Leo hating' Halliwell, ever agree with his 'Father'? Never! And here he is saying I agree. "Just for future information: I still hate you." He added. His Mother gave him a disappointed look, but he ignored it.

TV Piper just told Paige that she had to go. So now only TV Paige and Karen were in the living room.

_"Karen, can I ask you a couple of questions?"_ The screen cut to outside of the manor. Piper gets in her car and drives off. Cole pulls up in front of the house in his convertible. It then cut back to TV Paige talking to a frightened Karen.

_"I don't know, I just felt him do something behind me." _Karen's voice shook.

_"Something like what? Did you see him do anything?" _Paige persisted.

_"Who are you? Why did you bring me here?"_ She demanded.

TV Leo walks in the living room looking for Piper. _"Paige, have you seen Piper around?"_ He folded his hands in front of him in a formal posture. Chris stared at the screen suspiciously while Paige stared at it in dread. TV Paige walked over to him.

_"Yeah, she's already left. Aren't you supposed to be on club duty?"_ She asked confused.

"Well, I'd much rather be on my honeymoon." TV Leo said. _**"That's weird. Leo wouldn't say that."**_ Piper thought. As much as she loved her husband or ex husband she knew he wouldn't say that. _"Who is she? Is there something wrong?"_ TV Leo said referring to Karen who was holding a pillow really tight.

_"No, she's an innocent. We're on top of it. More importantly, I think I saw Cole using magical powers."_ Leo asked, 'shocked'

"What?"

_"Yes. I know it sounds crazy, but I think I saw his hand glow."_ She hurried on to explain.

_"Paige . . ."_ TV Leo choked out.

_"No, look, there's something strange going on. All the elaborate gifts and he's got the 50,000 dollar car, what kind of job comes with perks like that?"_ She asked rhetorically.

_"So Cole gets a company car and that automatically makes him a demon in your eyes?"_ TV Leo asked. Piper was getting really confused. _**"Leo may say something like that, but that sounds extremely defensive!" **_She thought. Chris nodded his head in agreement.

_"No, no, it's just that something is different with him lately and it's not good. Am I the only one seeing this?" _She asked desperately.

_"Maybe you're the only one who wants to see it."_ He informed.

_"Meaning?"_ She urged.

_"Meaning that no one wants to be the fifth wheel."_ He answered.

_"That's not fair."_ She defended herself.

_"You know what's not fair? Is you judging Cole for his past. He's not a demon anymore and he's part of this family."_ He said. There was an undertone of outrage in it though.

Chris and Piper stared at the screen intently the whole time. Then all of a sudden it was like a light bulb popped over their heads.

"THAT'S COLE!" They shouted together. What proved it was how TV Leo walked out of the manor and flamed out.

"I was wondering why I don't remember that conversation." Leo said. He was getting really confused. He started to doubt how reliable these TV shows really are.

"You know," Chris mused out loud. "If Piper didn't know Leo so well and I wasn't extremely paranoid. He might have gotten away with that. But then of course he flamed out." He said.

"Why would you want to send him to the future?" Leo asked. Suspicious as always. "Are you going to send him there to help you destroy the world?"

"Yep." Chris answered in a lay back kind of tone.

"Wyatt is not ev-wait did you just say yes?" He asked confused. He didn't expect him to give in that fast.

"It's not true." He re-assured his Mother who was looking really frantic. "But he's just going to continue being a pest so I said it just to shut him up." __He smirked she never changed.

"It better not be true. Or I will ground your ass for the rest of your life."

"What are you smirking at?" Paige asked.

"Your guy's thoughts." He answered truthfully, or more likely half truthfully. It was Piper's thoughts not all of theirs.

"Oh, okay. Don't you think it's a little rude? I mean you are invading our heads." Paige asked.

"Yeah, didn't your Mother teach you better than that?" Piper asked while giggling.

"Yes of course. But how can I ignore them when you guys are practically shouting it?" He answered. Most of them looked a little guilty about that.

_**"SUFFER!"**_ Leo thought towards him. Chris slowly turned his head towards him. He glared at him and then blew him up.

"Ow!" He shouted when he reformed. "Piper!" Leo yelled.

"It's wasn't me." She said defensively. They turned towards Chris and saw him smirking.

"Suffer." He threw right back at him. He then turned around and continued to watch the TV. On the screen TV Phoebe walked into the Bay Mirror. A guy is staring at Phoebe and finally walks up to her.

_"Wow, hi. You are?"_ He asked.

_"Married. Honeymooning tonight. Yeah, cannot wait. "_She looked flattered at first, but then she got lost in her excitement. The man turns around and starts walking. Phoebe stops him though. _"Uh, excuse me. I'm actually looking for someone. A boss-type someone. Her name is Elise."_ She asked.

The guy points to an office. Phoebe goes over and the door opens before she can knock. Elise looks surprised, but that's immediately covered up.

_"What?"_ She asked bluntly.

"Ahh, good ol' Elise." Phoebe sighed.

_"Hi. I'm here on behalf of Karen Young. She's fallen ill..."_ TV Phoebe started.

"Fallen ill." Paige said in disbelief. She snorted. "It's more like 'Elise, Karen can't come to work today. Why, you ask? Oh that's easy. Were witches and a demon turned her crazy. Yeah, I don't think she will be able to finish that column. SO nice weather were havin huh?'. Like that would go well!" She laughed. Phoebe glared at her. Chris tried to cover his laugh with coughing. It didn't work out well. Phoebe then turned her glare on him.

_"Tell her she's fired."_ Elise interrupted.

_"What? No-no."_ TV Phoebe protested.

_"When she's late, I'm late. I'm an editor with better things to do than to wait around for her."_

_"No, but she's not gonna be late. Is she late already?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"Deadlines 8:00 tonight. And I thought you said she was sick." _Elise pointed out.

_"Well, that's why I'm here. To pick up her assignment and bring it to her. Believe me, nothing is more important to Karen than reporting the news."_

"Ha!" Piper laughed. "Like you could bring it to her. She'd probably yell at you saying it's a ticking time bomb. Besides you fixed that problem for writing it for her!"

"If I didn't she would have lost her job." Phoebe said defensively.

"You took her job from her." Paige said distractedly. She was playing with her hair.

"To put it simply she cheated. Wait, no, you cheated. Or is it she cheated?" Chris said not so simply. "Whatever all that matters is that both of you cheated."

"Will you just shut up?" Phoebe asked or more like demanded.

"Fine." Chris pouted. "Cheater." He whispered loudly. She threw a pillow at him and he orbed out of the way. The problem, though, was that it hit one of Piper's hideous vases. Leo smiled. He really hated that vase.

Piper cried out in rage. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" She shouted.

"It was going to happen eventually." Chris pointed out right after he orbed in. She glared at him and he looked away. "It was." He said to himself.

"IT WAS CHRIS'S FAULT!" Phoebe whined. "If he would of just taken the pillow like a  
MAN-"

"Ugh!" Chris protested.

"We wouldn't be having this problem." Phoebe continued.

"It was ugly anyway." Paige said while sucking on her hair. She then orbed a lollipop to herself and replaced that with her hair. "Hm," She moaned. "That's a goow wowipop." She said.

**UNDERWORLD**

"Haha!" A low level demon cackled next to the seer. "I finally have the Charmed Ones at their weakest. Now that they're acting like children, I can vanquish them and take my rightful place as Source."

"Wait!" The seer protested.

"Not enough time." He said while shimmering out.

"Why the hell are demons so cliche?" She asked no one. "Dumbass. He didn't revert everyone. Oh well. that's something to watch." She then looked into an enchanted mirror **(A/N UGH! So cliche!)** with a bored face.

**UNDERWORLD**

The low level demon shimmered in just as Piper turned around. "Damnit! This is all your fault isn't it. Just my freakin' luck!" She blew him up. A glow came over Phoebe, Paige, and Chris.

"That never happened!" They all shouted. Paige continued sucking on her lollipop. Piper got up took the sucker and chucked it out the window.

"Uhh!" Paige groaned.

They all turned their heads towards the TV. Piper and Leo immediately looked away in embarrassment. Phoebe, Chris, and Paige shuddered in disgust.

On the screen that's causing so many emotions TV Piper and TV Leo are hidden behind the bar. Well, actually Piper with bear arms is talking to Phoebe on the phone while Leo kisses her on her neck.

_"So what would you tell a twenty-eight year old woman who's still living in her parents' house because she's afraid of living alone?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"I'd tell her to get a life."_ Piper panted out.

_"How can I write that? We fight demons every day. How can I tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of, you know?" _TV Piper makes a weird noise. TV Phoebe makes a face. _"What are you doing, Piper?"_ She asked.

_"I am taking my own advice." _She said firmly. She then hung up the phone and went back to Leo. The screen flickers over to Phoebe.

_"Eew."_ Was all she had to say. She then hung up.

"Gross." Chris said bluntly.

"Eew." Phoebe repeated.

"Okay . . ." Paige trailed off. She couldn't think of another adjective. "Oh wait! I got one. Disgusting."

"Why are you guys against that all of a sudden? That's how we made Wyatt and C-" She stopped herself. "and any other children we might have."

Leo, not noticing her slip up, nodded in agreement. "Yeah."

On the screen Cole was holding a struggling Karen. Suddenly a Power Broker smoked in behind TV Paige. Cole gives him a smile and the demon nods in return.

_"Paige, behind you!"_ Cole cries out fakely. The power broker throws a white ball at TV Paige and she glows. Cole lets go of Karen and dives on the power broker. "Paige, get her outta here!" He shouted. TV Paige holds her stomach in pain.

_"Stay away from me!"_ Karen warns fire burst from her hands and burns TV Paige's arms.

_"Leo!"_ TV Paige shouted in pain. TV Leo and TV Piper orb in shockingly fully clothed.

_"Power broker, blow him up!"_ Cole tells Piper.

_"What?" _The Broker asks in a squeaky confused voice. This was NOT part of the plan. TV Piper flicks her hands and the demon combusted.  
_  
"Uh, where's Karen?"_ TV Piper asked. They were so busy with the Power Broker that they didn't notice Karen sneak away like a caged up animal.

"You let her get away!" Chris exploded. "Some Charmed Ones you are. Plus you do know that the power will ultimately turn her evil."

"Yes we know. We saw it. I experienced it." Paige pointed out dully.

"Who knows who she'll go after! The demon power will drive her to the person she hates the most. You guys better have covered that up." He warned.

"Of course we did. We are the Charmed Ones, aren't we?" Phoebe said cockily.

"Without any help from the cleaners?" He asked.

"No help at all." She said proudly.

"Liar." He said. She glared at him. TV Piper hangs up the phone, just finishing her talk with Phoebe.

_"Okay, I'm gonna go to Phoebe in case Karen goes there."_ TV Piper told them.

_"I'll orb you."_ TV Paige offered.  
_  
"No. Your orbing's still a little clumsy. And besides, they might need Leo's healing powers."_ Cole hurried to protest.

_"Uh, yeah, he's right. You should stay here in case Karen comes back. And if there's any problems, any real problems, you can call for us."_ TV Piper said.

_"Keep an eye on her will you?"_ TV Leo asked Cole.

_"Yeah, don't worry." _He replied. TV Leo and TV Piper orbed out._ "Paige, you don't still have a problem with me do you? I don't believe it, I saved your life out there."_

_"I-I just, I don't understand."_ She stuttered than ran from the room. The confusion was already settling in. Cole sighed. He then stared at the reversal potion for the power inside of Paige. He swept his and over it and it fell to the floor with a crash. Tan color liquid spread across the floor.

_"Oops." _He said to himself. He looked around to make sure nobody saw that.

"Nice, very nice." Chris complemented.

"I'll admit it was a nice plan." Leo agreed.

"You actually agreeing with him?" Phoebe asked shocked.

"Well, I was in war. It was a good plan."

"You were a doctor." Paige pointed out.

"All I'm saying is that it was a good plan." Paige gave him a look. "Not like that. I don't want you to get hurt." Now Piper gave him the look. "Ugh! I don't want any of you to get hurt. What I'm saying is that he covered his tracks nicely."

_"How do you spell oblique?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"With spell check!"_ TV Piper snapped. Chris laughed. They looked at him.

"What? It was funny." He protested. "You guys have no sense of humor! Well except Piper of course. Since she did make the joke. . ."

"Enough of your rambling and watch the damn TV." Paige forced. TV Piper motioned Karen to come in the room.

_"Karen. She's in here; she's waiting for your assignment."_ Karen barged past her. She looks around the room wildly.

_"Yes! Printing."_ TV Phoebe said excitedly.

_"Hi, saving. Karen, we have your medicine."_ TV Piper said. Acid spray comes out of her hands. Piper jumps out of the way and Phoebe levitates. The spray melts the computer.

Paige starts to laugh. "Could the special effects be any worse!" She was laughing at how they made the computer melt.

"Agreed." Phoebe said.

"It's probably a low budget or something." Chris answered even though he knew it wasn't true. The real answer was the year it was. Special effects in the early 2000s, not the best.

TV Piper gives TV Phoebe a potion. _"Shove it down her throat."_ TV Piper told her.

_"Shove it down her throat."_ TV Phoebe repeated. She pulls of the lid with a loud popping noise. TV Piper un-freezes Karen. TV Phoebe plugs Karen's nose and pours the liquid down her throat repeating sorry the whole way through.

Elise tries to open the door, but Leo holds it closed. _"Karen? Karen, open the door." _Piper sits Karen on the chair and a light comes out of her. Leo lets go of the door.

_"Sorry, it was jammed."_ TV Leo lied.

"Are angels even aloud to lie?" Piper asked.

"No, but it was for you. I don't care what the elders do to me." He said deeply. Piper blushed.

"AWE!" Phoebe squealed. "That was so cute. Do it again. Let me go get popcorn first." She made a move to get up.

"We're not doing it again." Leo answered for the both of them.

"Spoil sport." Muttered Phoebe. TV Phoebe takes the column copy out of the printer and hands it to Elise. TV Phoebe had her head down trying to hide her anticipation.

_"Ha!"_ She laughed. TV Phoebe stared in worry. _"That's funny."_ She said.

_"I-It's funny? Like-like bad funny? What's funny?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

Elise turned towards Karen. _"You should be sick more often. This is good stuff."_

_"Really? It is?"_ TV Piper gave her a look. _"Yay, Karen."_  
_  
"Thank you."_ Karen said to TV Phoebe. Elise thinking it was directed at her said you're welcome. She then left.

_"I did it. I mean, we did it. Yay, we." _She said in an exhausted voice. She plopped down on the leather spiny chair and rested her head on the desk.

"I always wondered how you got that job." Chris said thoughtfully.

"Yep, Elise thought Karen wrote it. Of course Karen being the good little innocent told the truth about how Phoebe wrote it. Elise gave Phoebe the job her becoming Ask Phoebe." Paige explained. "You know what's extremely annoying though?"

"No? What?" Chris replied even though it was painfully obvious that it was rhetorical.

"How people come up to me asking if I'm Phoebe's sister. Then people start telling me there love life problems. Like I want to hear their pathetic sex problems. They ask me to pass it on to Phoebe and get her opinion." She grimaced at the memories.

"You never told me that!" Phoebe accused. "What did they say?" She asked. Paige had a flash back and Chris jumped up from the couch.

"Okay!" He shouted with a blush adorned on his face. "There's no need to think about that. So let's just drop it. Okay? Okay." He settled down after Paige stopped thinking about it. Paige looked at the TV and winced.

_"Stay away from me!" _TV Paige warned. She crawled quickly across the attic. _"I'm gonna tell Phoebe." _She continued.

Cole laughed. _"Oh, come on. You don't really think your sisters would leave me alone with you if I was evil?"_

_"Stay away from me."_ She repeated as he keeled towards her. TV Paige was crying and had a red face.

_"You really think Phoebe would've married me if I was a demon?"_ He asked fiercely. His eyes turned black and a burst of fire covered up the black. I'm not talking hypothetically either. I talking about the way the Source's do the weird creepy yet cool eye trick.

Paige started to shiver and not because she was cold.

Cole in the void looked sad. He didn't actually want to do that. The Source's power corrupted him so much, plus there was the Seer, that he really had no choice. "I'm sorry." He apologized. She didn't hear him though. She kept whimpering seeing past Cole torture her past self.

Cole sighed sadly. He'd never get to say how sorry he was. He couldn't tell Phoebe how killing him like that made broke his heart. How he wanted her to move on just as he did too. He couldn't tell Piper how great she was doing in her life and how perfect she and Leo were together. He wouldn't get to banter with Chris. Seeing as he would be really fun to have an argument with. He couldn't do anything because of those damn elders. Sometimes he thinks that the elders are really the evil ones. THOSE BASTARDS!

"I can't watch this." Paige cried.

"But we never got to see what happened!" Phoebe whined. "So stop being a pansy and just watch it." Paige cried harder remembering when Phoebe and Piper would act like that. Piper not wanting to accept that Prue was dead and Phoebe being occupied with Cole and mad that Paige accused Cole of being evil.

"Fine when you g-guys are d-done call me!" She tried to yell, but her voice broke and her throat was hoarse from crying so it came out in a whisper. She orbed out.

"Now look what you've done." Leo and Chris said while Orbing out.

"Nice going Pheebs." Piper congratulated fakely.

"I always put my foot in my mouth."

"I know." Piper replied. "Now call her back and say you're sorry."

"Paige! Paige please come here! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Besides," She paused to look at the TV. "Cole left on the TV." After those final words Paige orbed in with Chris and Leo at her tail.

"Okay, I forgive you. I might have acted a little irrationally." Phoebe smiled. "BUT Barely." She tackled to the end and Phoebe's smile wavered, but not enough for anybody to notice. On the TV, TV Paige orbed in on Cole and TV Phoebe. Thankfully they were fully clothed.

_"Oh my god, Paige."_ TV Phoebe said. TV Paige tried to fry Cole's ass with a thick white beam. Keyword tried. _"The power brokers got to her. There's potion in my purse."_ Cole got up to get the potion.

_"He's evil."_ TV Paige said in a trance like voice.

_"Paige, don't do this, fight it."_ TV Phoebe pleaded. Paige goes to zap Cole, but Phoebe kicks her arm. How she could kick that high we'll never know. Cole drops the potion on the floor. Paige tries to zap Cole again but misses. Phoebe holds onto Paige's arms.

_"He's evil. I have to stop him."_ TV Paige said while struggling against TV Phoebe's hold.

_"Leo! Leo!"_ TV Phoebe cried out. Leo and Piper orb in wearing lei's.

_"This better be . . ."_ TV Piper took a look around. _"good."_ She finished.  
_  
"Look at her eyes."_ TV Leo pointed out. TV Piper walks over to Paige and whacks her on the head with a candlestick. She falls to the floor unconscious.

"Piper, in the bedroom, with a candle stick." Paige said.

"Ding ding ding we have a winner." Chris said sarcastically. TV Leo tried to heal Paige. Again keyword tried.

_"It's broken."_ Cole said referring to the potion.

_"Oh, okay, well, there's more at the manor." _TV Piper said not fretting for once.

_"No, there's not actually. Paige broke that one too." _He half lied. Isn't it funny how you can half lie?

_"Wh-what do you mean? That took forever to make. She could die if we have to make more."_ TV Piper asked panicking.

_"How did we not notice?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

"Probably because you were to blind by your disgusting Honey Moon phase." Chris suggested.

"Yeah I know. That was extremely awkward." Paige agreed. A flicker was cast in Phoebe's eyes.

"Hey Paige? Why do you remember anyway?" Phoebe asked.

"Because dumb ass I didn't take the potion a power broker took it out of me. Idiot." Paige explained.

"Oh . . .wait I'm still confused."

"That's not a surprise. Are there any side effects to the spell the demon cast on us?" Leo asked.

"Nah, she's always like this." Piper answered.

"How many times was she dropped as a baby?" Chris asked.

Piper thought for a minute. "About as many times as demons attacked."

"Ouch." On the TV 3 Power Brokers are sitting at a table in the underworld trading powers. Phoebe and

Piper barge in they turn their heads to see who disrupted them.

_"Sorry to interrupt, but I think one of you may have misplaced a power."_ TV Piper started.

_"Who are you?"_ One of the Power Brokers asked.

"Tsk, tsk. You demons should know by now. When someone barges in non black clothes that it's one, or the Charmed Ones." Chris said to the TV.

_"So, here's the deal. We'll spare your lives if you pull your skanky little power out of her."_ TV Piper bargained. Cole carries TV Paige in.

_"The power of the Charmed Ones lies in the power of three. You're one witch down."_ The second Broker pointed out.

"Ya know what I've noticed? Demons are really good at stating the obvious." Said none other than Paige.  
_  
"Um, you sure you wanna test that theory?_" TV Phoebe tried to sound menacing again, and again it didn't work. A lightning bolt comes out of his hand, missing them.

_"Too bad. You lose."_ TV Piper said while flicking her fingers. The broker was pushed back at the force, but he didn't blow up.

_"Told you about your powers down here."_ Cole whispered to her, a bit smug.

"That smug bastard!" Chris said angrily.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't really want to talk about it." They all gave him a look. "FINE! But after the show."  
_  
"Keep in mind that that was just a warning. Next time I'll use full force."_ TV Piper lied smoothly.

_"Forgive us. We'll do whatever you ask."_ A third Power Broker keeled down on one knee. Cole's eyes turned black and he looked around to cover it up until it went back to normal.

_"See, that's more like it, right there."_ TV Phoebe said while TV Piper agreed.

_"What the hell are you doing?"_ The second Broker asked. The third one threw an energy ball - not wanting his 'Liege' to be offended - at the second Broker and he exploded.

_"What are you waiting for?"_ TV Piper demanded. The brokers hurried over to TV Paige and pulled out the power that looked like a white orb.

Her eyes flutter open and she stands up looking around confused._ "Where am I?"_

_"You're gonna be okay, sweetie."_ TV Phoebe said gently.

_"Now can we get out of here?"_ TV Leo asked.

_"Wait,"_ TV Piper blew up the power in the Broker's hand and the rest blew up also. The Broker looked mad but didn't do anything because Cole was there. _"Ha ha, I had enough power to do that."_ They all left except Cole.

Cole turned around and placed a finger to his lips motioning not to tell anyone. _"Shh._" He then left and the Broker looked dejectedly at his charcoaled hand.

"Tell me now!" Phoebe said impatiently.

"But the-the TV." He protested. She glared at him.

"But you already know what happens."

"Fine, he might have made the moves on you." Phoebe looked flattered. "But it's just that you were married and he was married." He hurried on to explain at their looks. "But I might act a little irrationally 'cause he was under a spell. It's just, you seem I didn't know that for a very long time. I got so used to resenting his for tha-"

"HE'S MARRIED!" Phoebe shrieked.

"Uh, maybe."

"Not if I have anything to say about it. Cole is mine and mine forever." She thought about it for a moment.

_"Guided spirits hear my plea,  
Bring him back so I may see  
In the place his spirit dwells  
Deliver Cole from eternal hell."_

They all stared at her in horror. White orbs appeared in the middle of the living room.

* * *

**How's that for suspenceful? Yeah? Not so much. Oh well. Again sorry for the horrible long wait. I hope you guys can forgive me . . . by reviewing! So your proabably all thinking how awesome the spell is. I didn't write it. I suck at spells. My poems start out with "Roses are red". So your wondering who wrote this magnifecent poem? Well i'll tell you. Her name is **sassyangel15 **and she is the best spell writer EVER! Her stories are really good also. So go check them out. For the next chapter how about we do some drama with Cole and Happily ever after? I love that episode. Okay so yeah do you guys like that? Hopefully you do and please review! Come on we have 90 lets make a 100 or at least 95.**


	12. Chapter 12

_**READ! READ!**_** Okay so this isn't really important but I thought I'd give you guys a quiz. Okay so here's the question: "Who else does Elise - Phoebe's boss - play in Charmed?" I didn't steal this from anyone else by the way it just popped up into my mind while I was watching Charmed. So whoever wins will get a smiley face -yes a smiley face I KNOW!- and a mention in the next Authors note. I will mention everyone who gets it right. This is just for fun because I want to see if anyone will get it right.**

**I hope you enjoy! They are going to be watching Oh My Goddess (Part 1). I hope you guys don't mind. As much as I love season 5 I just couldn't work with it much except for this episode. So yeah. I really hope you like this. It was extremely fun to write. Plus I got a little bit annoyed with everyone saying to skip to season 6. Haha joking.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed. I don't know who does either.**

This story was beta'd by the awesome Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.

The sparkly white orbs disappeared and Cole was shown. He chuckled. "Silly girl, like that would actually work. As much as I love that woman she is as dumb as dirt." He said to himself.

Phoebe look offended. She was about to set off about how she was not stupid, but then she got a good look at him. "COLE!" Phoebe shouted excitedly. She ran right into his arms and nuzzled his neck.

"Holy shit you can see me?" He then looked at every ones frozen faces. "Take a picture it'll last longer." Paige snapped out of it first. Phoebe jumped out of his arms and guided him towards the couch. Paige shot up from her seat on the floor and pounced on Cole like an animal. Cole landed on the floor with a thud.

"You," Paige kicked him in the stomach. "bastard how dare you come back here," She punched him in the face. "after what you did to Phoebe!" She kicked him in his sensitive part and got up him a huff. "I'd like to see you try to reproduce after that!" She then kicked him in the stomach again for good measure and sat on the floor while muttering about evil sexy heart crushing demons. (The heart being Phoebe's)

"Baby, are you okay?" Phoebe asked while kneeling next to him.

"Yeah, yeah I'm f-" He winced "fine. Damn Paige and demons say that Phoebe's the one with the mean kick." Paige just glared at him and twitched like she wanted to blow him up. All of a sudden Cole was pushed back by a force. Again, and again, and again.

"Holy crap! I can blow him up! Awesome." She shouted happily. She then turned to Piper to rub in her face, but noticed that Piper's hand were flicking. "Awe," She said sadly._** "Why does Piper get all the cool powers? Well, I can orb, take that!" **_She thought at her.

"Ow! Piper that hurts. Would it help if I said I'm extremely sorry?" He asked.

"We'll see."

"Okay, I'm really sorry."

"Nope!" She said while flicking her wrist again. He was blown back and sighed tiredly. Knowing Piper she could do this all day.

He wrist her caught by Leo. "Come on Piper don't do this." She looked into his deep blue eyes like she was hypnotized. She then blew him up and started at Cole again.

"Jackass." She said referring to Cole. She could hear Paige cheering in the background.

Chris sighed. He loved his Uncle, even though technically he wasn't his Uncle. Cole was great to him, he was just pissed because Wyatt killed his wife - without anyone knowing - and he then put Cole under a spell to make it seem like he was hot for Phoebe again. How could Cole just get over his wife just like that? "Come on Piper, don't do this." He pleaded.

Piper sighed and looked at her son. She then put her arms down and glared at the floor while mumbling about Cole being vanquished 9 times like that familiar cat demon. She smiled. She could always go Ghost Rider on his ass and make him feel all the pain he put his victims through, she laughed.

"Crazy bitch." Cole grumbled. Phoebe grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the couch Leo was sitting on. It was a love seat so Phoebe did the logical thing. I'll give you a hint: she didn't ask Leo to get up. Phoebe pushed Leo off and sat next to Cole.

"Phoebe!" Leo shouted in protest.

"Cole, you can pick the next episode." Phoebe said while batting her eye lashes.

"Don't you think you should explain what's happening, Phoebe?" Leo asked.

"Oh no need. I was stuck in a different plane. You could say it was like the ghost plane except no dead people visited and I was stuck in this house." He explained while Phoebe drew designs up and down his arm. "So I know everything that happened these past 2 days." He got up - fighting against Phoebe's surprisingly strong hold - and switched the season 4 disk for the season 5. He then grabbed the remote from a protesting Chris - he wanted to stay on season 4 - and picked Oh My Goddess 1.

At their questioning looks he said "What? I like history."

"But! Come on! We can't skip that far ahead." Chris protested.

"Tough crap. Cole said were watching this so we are!" Phoebe said firmly.

"Goddess? Why does that sound so familiar?" Paige mused.

"Because you guys were turned into goddesses like a week ago?" Chris asked rhetorically.

"Oh!" On the TV that Cole so impatiently played without anyone noticing TV Phoebe and some guy were in P3 talking.

_"I am really glad Elise made me call you. You're exactly the kind of guy I've been looking for." _TV Phoebe leaned forward toward him.

_"Is that so?" _He asked.

_"Oh, it is so, so. You're cute, you're sweet, and you're smart. And from what I hear, you're raking in the dough." _She complimented.

"He is so not my type Cole. So you have no reason to be jealous." Phoebe reassured.

"I'm not jealous."

"Because even though I'm with this really hot rich guy at a bar obviously on a date I still prefer y-Wait what? You're not even a little bit jealous?"

"No Phoebe." Cole said.

"But what about that Coop guy? Chris said I marry him. You're not even a little bit jealous?" Cole shook his head no. "Oh come on!"

"Phoebe I understand. I broke your heart - I'm really sorry about that by the way - but you can't wait around for me forever. You need to move on. And if this cupid makes you happy, then so be it. Plus, from what Chris slipped, I move on also." Phoebe 'Humped' at his speech and stubbornly turned towards the TV. Cole chuckled while turning also. The screen moved towards TV Paige and a different guy.

_"Then I graduated from Stanford law in '98." _He concluded.

_"Harvard law. Hm, that's impressive. So do you want to give to a charity, or what?"_ TV Paige said in a bored blunt voice. She now has bright orange hair.

_"I said Stanford, not Harvard."_ He corrected with a smile.

_"Let me ask you something. Have you been having any kind of end of the world, fire and brimstone, doomsday kind of dreams lately?" _TV Paige asked completely changing the topic.

"That's nice Paige. Scare him away." Cole commented sarcastically. _**"Douche"**_ Paige thought at him. Chris laughed and ignored the thoughts shouting crazy and the bizarre looks.

_"Hey, wait a minute. Is this some sort of religious charity?"_ He asked.

_"Huh?"_ TV Paige asked confused.

_"No, it's not. It's for children." _TV Phoebe answered. When the hell did she get there?

_"Right, yeah. Hey, to each his own, but I'm not into the whole fire and brimstone thing."_ TV Paige stared at his completely puzzled as he walked off.

"Are you drunk?" Chris asked.

"No! I don't touch that stuff anymore!" Paige hurried out. She shuddered at the crazy consequences.

"Oh, right sorry. But you just seem so confused, so out of it."

"Like I said I was having these really weird dreams that just left me restless." Oh, Chris felt extremely stupid right now.

_"-Paige, I know you've been in a bad mood but this is getting a little crazy."_ TV Phoebe told her.

"What? I've barely slept all week. I keep having these strange dreams about ancient wars and weird magic. All very disturbing." TV Paige said in her defense.

_"Do you think they mean something?"_ Asked TV Phoebe concern hidden in her eyes.

_"I don't know. It could be hormones. More likely, it could be my subconscious trying to tell me something."_ TV Paige said, worry making her eyebrow crease.

"Okay! You know what you guys need to learn? You need to learn how to trust your instinct because usually they are right." Chris said in annoyance.

"You also need to trust each other's instincts. Maybe if you trusted Paige's you could have de-possessed me of the Source." Cole agreed in a surprisingly un-resentful voice. Cole wasn't known to hold grudges well his human half wasn't.

On the TV, a demon said something in Latin and a big block of ice started to crack. Suddenly, the ice explodes, knocking the demon backwards. Two people walk out from the frozen air. A man and a woman both in ancient clothes fashioned as dresses. The difference between the dresses was that the woman's was much shorter and had gold strips and shoulder pads.

"Oh shit!" Chris cursed. They gave him questioning looks but he ignored them. He kept grumbling to himself about 'Future consequences, and annoying nosy family members'. The demon got up and stared at the ancient Titans in fascination while they scrutinize his face.

_"How long?"_ The guy Titan asked in a deep voice.

_"How long? Three thousand years, give or take a century."_ He answered in a nonchalant voice.

_"What!"_ The female Titan exploded, her anger caused a nearby pot to burst into flames.

"I guess were more alike than we thought." Piper mused.

"You mean by the fact that they also have a horrible temper like you, or the fact that their powers are controlled by their emotions?" Phoebe asked. She was sobering quickly. (From the excitement of Cole here and that sugar nobody noticed she had that made her act extremely stupid.) She actually regretted bringing Cole here. It was bringing back painful memories.

"Both!" Paige answered for her. Piper glared at her. "Oh don't deny it. You're like Grams the second."

**"Up There"**

Penny and Patty Halliwell were sitting on the clouds playing harps. Joking, they were actually watching their kids/grandkids like the nosy pervs they are. They liked watching the drama in their lives. It was like a soap opera.

Penny noticed what Paige said first. "Bitch." She mumbled to herself. She did _not_ have a temper problem. If she could she would just smack that girl into the wall.

"What was that?" Patty asked not hearing anything but a grumble.

"Wha-Oh nothing darling, nothing. Hey where are Prue and Andy?" She asked changing the subject.

"Oh their uh busy." Patty coughed un comfortably.

"Oh busy." She repeated. The words all of a sudden came crashing on her. "Wait what!" How dare that guy violate her granddaughter that way! She white orbed away to where they were.

"Shit!" All of the people in heaven that were looking down at earth turned towards her. "Mother! She is 31 years old she can do what she wants!" She shouted after her knowing perfectly well that she could hear. As much as she loved her Mother she was such a prude sometimes. She white orbed after her trying to stop the disaster, but knowing she was too late.

**"Down There"**

_"Me? I'm the demon who spent decades trying to free you. Now you're gonna return the favor. It wasn't easy either. The world's forgotten about you. But I had a vision. If I could somehow revive you, I could use your power to bring myself to glory, rule the underworld as I was always meant to." _The demon started off angry but then turned extremely excited about his plans.

"Dumb ass." Cole said at the same time the male Titan electrocute the man to oblivion and called him an _"Imbecile." __**"Some demons are so predictable and stupid." **_Cole thought while having a flashback of a demon who was one of the servants of the Source -Layked was his name.The Source stupidly left his throne for an hour to finish business and the low level demon took his 'rightful' place as Source. When the Source came back he saw the idiot with a crown on his head - yes the dumb ass actually conjured a crown - in _his_ throw and vanquished him on the spot. It was accidental of course. He wanted to torture him, but his emotions got the best of him.

Cole was knocked out of the memory by hearing music. It was the opening credits. Alyssa Milano played Phoebe, Rose McGowan played Paige, and Holly Marie Combs played Piper, lastly Brian Krause played Leo.

"Ha! This Brian guy has crow's feet! That's hilarious." Paige laughed. **(A/N He doesn't look any less hot! How awesome is **_**that**_**!) **It then went to shots of San Francisco. It had white letters saying "'Oh My Goddess' Parts 1&2 Guest staring: Drew Fuller.

"I wonder who this Drew plays." Paige mused.

"Probably someone really annoying." Chris answered.

_"Uh-oh. Yeah, that's a lot of phone calls to Hong Kong." _TV Phoebe said sheepishly.

_"Yes, it is."_ TV Piper agreed a smile evident in her voice.

"Are you possessed?" Chris asked confused.

"Oh, you'll see." Phoebe said while smiling.

Chris stared at her in horror. "Ewe."

"You read my mind!" She accused. "No fair you cheat." She grumbled.

_"Okay, before you start yelling, let me just explain to you I'm trying to figure out where Jason and I stand, and to do that it requires a lot of phone calls. You're gonna throw that glass at me, aren't you?"_ She explained. TV Phoebe tensed waiting for the yelling.

_"No, honey, I get it. You know, it is a very big phone bill, but if you have to choose between true love and air conditioning, I'd say it's a no brainer."_

"That's a demon isn't it?" Cole asked.

"Is it so weird for me to be in a good mood?" Piper exploded.

"Yes." They all said. She huffed and turned towards the TV.

_"Yay you. God, I miss sex."_ TV Phoebe said in a loud voice.

_"I gotta tell you, life is feeling pretty damn good at the moment."_ TV Piper agreed. Leo smirked.

"It was, was it?" He asked still having that smirk on his face.

"Don't get cocky Mister." TV Piper said with a faint blush on her cheeks.

"Look at you. You're like soccer mum. Dare I say it, your life is almost normal." TV Phoebe said.

"Phoebe!" Piper whined.

"What?"

"You jinxed me! You said my life was normal and then the Titans came and a neurotic Whitelighter from the future."

"I am _not_ neurotic." Chris denied.

"Oh, you so are." Her eyes dared him to challenge. She could list them all too.

"Well it's better than having a temper problem." Chris smirked.

"I DO NOT HAVE A TEMPER!" Piper exploded.

Chris laughed. "Case and point."

_**"You are so grounded."**_ She thought at him.

_**"I'm 22 you can't do shit."**_

"Hey, no telepathy!" Phoebe shouted.

"Yeah, why don't you share it out loud?" Cole asked smugly. Oh crap, he knew.

"Future consequences." Chris blurted out. They all sighed sadly. They thought he was done with that kick. But apparently that phrase would be heard many more times.

_"Okay, you're way too perky, all right, and you're frightening me. I'm just saying."_ TV Paige said to Piper in a tired voice.

_"So you think this weather is demonic?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

"You guys should learn by now that everything in your life is demonic." Cole joked.

"Don't remind me!" Piper groaned.

_"Honey, maybe you need to get out of the house a little more."_ TV Phoebe suggested.

_"Well, this isn't just me being obsessive... okay, maybe a little bit. But it's not just psychological or emotional, I really, really think there's something..."_ TV Paige trailed off not knowing what to finish off with.

_"Magical!"_ TV Piper said brightly. Her voice sounded like she was reading a fairy tale book to astonished 5 year olds.

_"Yeah, for lack of a better term. Listen, I don't wanna be a downer, but I'm gonna go hit the books so I can go figure out what the hell is going on." _With that said TV Paige left the room to do just that.

_"Should we be worried?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"I don't think so. But I just wish she'd stop looking for trouble, 'cause with our luck, she's gonna find it."_

"That's the understatement of the year." Phoebe said.

"How so?" Piper urged on.

"Oh, I don't know. How about that fact that you almost got yourself killed by summoning the Titans. That girl Titan went Medusa on your ass and turned you into stone. Thank god Chris was there to save me though so I could save you."

"You're welcome." Chris said. "I still can't believe she fell for that though. Like they wouldn't do everything if Paige was turned to stone. They wouldn't let her die and they believed me." Chris thought to himself.

"WHAT!" Leo yelled.

"Oh, did I say that out loud?" They all nodded yes except Leo because he was shaking. "Um, I'm sorry? Yeah...sorry." He said awkwardly. He then looked at the TV desperately hoping that they wouldn't yell at him and just wishing for this conversation to be over. Leo opened his mouth to shout and yell and rant, he flinched in anticipation. Piper flicked her fingers and he froze.

Chris expected her to think something like 'you owe me one' but no she just smiled and thought _**"Dodged the bullet there." **_

He smiled in response and thought right back at her _**"Thanks, P-Mom, thanks." **_She smiled smugly and turned towards the TV. They watched as Darryl did the infamous magic trick of pulling out a coin of his son's ear. They laughed a bit at that. They couldn't - they being the girls - help but thinking how sweet the exchange was. They squealed too - they being Phoebe.

On the TV, the Elders called TV Leo and he looked at Piper. _"Uh, Piper, I have to go." _All of them except Piper and Leo winced waiting for the yelling.

_"But we just got here."_ TV Piper protested.

_"I know, baby, but it's the Elders."_ TV Leo explained. Chris rolled his eyes. Leo is so dumb. He could have just exposed them. TV Piper looked in alarm at Darryl.

_"Don't worry, she knows."_ Darryl assured.

"Who gave him permission to tell?" Cole asked. Phoebe raised her hand guiltily.

Sheila picked up quickly on what they were talking about. _"Ah, secrets safe with me. Argue away."_

_"Honey, I'm sorry, but it sounds urgent."_ He apologized.

_"Okay, well, then I need to express to you that this is going to make me feel a little abandoned."_ TV Piper said reluctantly. Chris and Paige bit their lips to stop from laughing. Piper sent them a withering glare.

_"All right, well, I understand, I acknowledge your feelings and I want to let you know that I love you, even though I have to go."_ Now Cole started to laugh not bothering to hide it.

"Cole!" Phoebe shouted.

"What?"

"That is hardly nice mister!" She smacked him on the arm. "They had marital problems and they're taking Dr. What's His Face's advice."

"You don't remember his name?" Piper asked. "You're the one who suggested him!"

"Memories fade." She explained.

"Phoebe it was not over a month ago."

"Okay so I have a really bad memory." She said. _**"Or maybe I just paid a guy from the street to pretend to be a marital councilor. He was not cheap either so she should be happy." **_Chris laughed. Phoebe shot him a glare and he just laughed harder. _**"You tell her and I'll make you wish you were dead."**_

_**"Wyatt already got that taken care of." **_He thought back as calmly as he could.

_**"I was the queen of all evil. I have been to hell and back, literally. SO BACK OFF!" **_He pursed his lips then turned towards the TV like that conversation never happened. On the TV Elise and TV Phoebe are standing in P3. Elise is explaining what is going to happen at the auction but TV Phoebe is distracted.

_"So you'll introduce the bachelors from here and then they'll enter from over there."_ TV Phoebe watches a cute guy walk past her.

"Phoebe, you're drooling!" Paige shouted. Phoebe smiled sheepishly while wiping her chin off. Paige wiped off her cheeks motioning Phoebe to do the same. Phoebe did and got slobber all over her face.

"Good?"

"Yeah, good." Paige replied before turning her head and trying to desperately stop the giggles.

_"Phoebe, are you with me?"_ Elise asked.

_"I am all over him... I mean it. All over it." _TV Phoebe corrected.

"You sure were horny, weren't you?" Piper asked.

"It was that damn weather. It's not my fault. Really." She side glanced at Cole to see if he was a twinge jealous. A little sparkle could work for her. He didn't seem to be listening he was staring at the screen.

_"I just hope everyone doesn't melt by the time they get here. It's gonna be kind of hard to auction off bachelor soup."_ TV Phoebe said.

_"It is bizarre weather, isn't it? I spoke to Jason this morning and he says it's the same way in Hong Kong." _Elise agreed.

_"You spoke to Jason? Did he mention me?"_ TV Phoebe asked eagerly all though trying to sound nonchalant.

Cole scoffed in his head. _**"Jason, what a douche. He doesn't deserve Phoebe." **_He then shot daggers at Chris daring him to say it out loud. Chris held his hands up in surrender and shifted his gaze quickly. This Cole scared the hell out of him.

"What's with the hand motions?" Paige asked.

"You're Italian aren't you!" Leo shouted. He finally found something out. _**"YES!" **_

"Um no..." Chris trailed off. "Just listening to your thoughts. They're extremely amusing and _loud_."

"Chris..." Piper warned.

"Hey, hey I can't control it. Oh well that's a lie. But you guys should just take a potion. Like I did for Phoebe's annoying empathy." His eyes widened at the last part. He just let it slip, oh crap.

"HA! I knew it! You can't just not have emotions." She said triumphantly. Chris looked at Leo tense for another fight. Leo seemed to busy basking in his humongous ego. Apparently, he didn't hear that Chris said he wasn't Italian.

_"Oh my god."_ TV Phoebe said her laughing with Elise cut short. TV Paige just orbed into P3 in front a bunch of mortals.

_"What? What is it?"_ Elise asked confused.

_"Nothing. Hold that thought."_ TV Phoebe said before rushing over to TV Paige.

_"What thought?"_ She asked to herself.

"You should have really thought that through." Leo commented snapping out of his victory dance.

"Like you're one to talk." Phoebe said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leo asked.

"It's obvious." Chris butted in.

"How so?" Leo asked completely confused. Chris sighed exasperated.

"Okay so you are a good being. Elder, Whitelighter, whatever you want to call yourself." Piper explained. "So you are all about the greater good. You might say something completely stupid to a mortal to cover up whatever you exposed or to divert their attention."

"Oh and don't forget that you've been doing this longer than Phoebe and sometimes you excuses are worse." Cole added jumping on the dog pile, so to speak.

"What is this bash on Leo day?"

"Yes, yes it is." Paige and Chris said together.

"Humph." He pouted childishly and turned towards the TV. The screen cuts to snow covered mountains. TV Paige and TV Phoebe are in a cave. They're wearing pink and orange jackets. Phoebe being in the orange and Paige in the pink. The jackets are thin so Phoebe is shivering.

_"Okay, there's a reason nobody lives in this part of the world because they all died from the cold."_ TV Phoebe stuttered out.

_"I thought you said you wanted air conditioning."_ TV Paige pointed out.

_"This sucks."_ Was all TV Phoebe could reply with. TV Paige spots a scorch mark.

_"Scorch mark. See if you can get a Premonition."_

_"I don't have my gloves."_ She whined in protest.

_"Tough it out. I got us this far."_

_"Okay, fine."_ TV Phoebe caved in. She knelt down and touched the mark on the freezing icy floor.

_"Did you get anything?"_ TV Paige asked anxiously.

_"Yeah. Frost bite. Shush." _She gets a Premonition._ "Ooh! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot." _She exclaimed after her eyes snap open from the vision.

"Hot?" Cole asked confused just as TV Paige did the same. Paige looked disgusted that they actually said something at the same time even if it was her past self from (technically) a different dimension.

_"No, not here hot. In my vision."_ TV Phoebe explained.

_"Vision, good, tell me what it is."_ She demanded eagerly.

_"Ah, two very large someone's coming out of that wall." _She said thoughtfully while pointing at the wall.

"'Someone's' " Chris quoted with a snort. "That's real descriptive." He continued on sarcastically. "Not really all that surprising either." He mused.

"It's not surprising that you would say that." Cole pointed out.

"What do you mean by that?" Chris asked a little offended.

"Oh, honey." Piper started. "You may just be a little bit sarcastic."

"A little bit?" Paige asked incredulously. "What an understatement."

"I'm not that sarcastic, am I?" He asked. Piper nodded. "Well, I get it from my Aunt. It's a very special relationship we have that annoys a lot of people and amuses us immensely." He explained with a faraway look in his eye. Good times, good times. He snapped out of it and snuck a peek at Paige and smiled. She didn't seem to notice.

"I would love to meet this Aunt of yours. I think we would really get along." Paige said.

Chris's smile widened. "I'm sure you would." He clasped a hand on his mother's mouth because she was laughing. Her giggles turned silent leaving her shoulders vibrating.

In the manor's attic on the screen TV, Phoebe has a blanket wrapped around her and she is shivering while looking at the Book of Shadows with TV Paige. TV Piper walks in carrying a box.

_"Okay, I know it's cooled off a little bit since this morning, but what are you doing?"_ TV Piper asked while setting the box down.

_"Defrosting."_ TV Phoebe said as another ripple went through her body.

TV Paige pointed to the Book. _"Is this them?" _

TV Phoebe looked at the page. _"No."_

_"Who's them?"_ Asked TV Piper.

_"We're not sure yet. How was the party?"_ TV Phoebe answered...and asked.

_"Oh, just super fun. Leo got called away and I got to use my tools."_ TV Piper said sarcastically.

"Elders ruin everything." Chris grumbled. They took Leo away - which he didn't mind - and made Piper upset - which he did mind - and when his family is upset he gets livid.

"Elders don't ruin everything. They are here to help. Sure they might be a little..." He was cut off by everyone.

"Annoying." Paige said.

"Idiotic." Piper supplied while having many, _many_ flashbacks.

"Dense." Chris answered immediately.

"EVIL!" Cole seethed. They all gave him weird looks. "I mean...no actually that's what I meant."

"Uh as I was saying." Leo continued a little freaked out at Cole's behavior. "Sure they might be all of those things but they do it for the greater good."

Chris snorted. "There is no greater good. Sure, there might be some goodness in the world but then the evil squashes it like a tiny bug. Like it's insignificant! Well, I'll tell you, it's about time the good stands up for itself than sit in a corner saying everything is unfair! They need to get off of their asses damn it and do something!" He exploded with an extremely crazed look in his eye. Yeah, Wyatt can do that to you. He saw all of their looks and smoothed the wrinkles in his clothes awkwardly. "What I mean is that evil is bad and good is...good. So um yeah go good!"

Cole laughed. Chris was crazy. _**"Don't try to cover it up. Embrace it, kid." **_Chris glared and sent some very bad words in all types of languages at his 'Uncle'.

_"Will someone please tell me what's going on?"_ TV Piper demanded.

TV Leo orbs in. _"Ah, a Whitelighter's disappeared."_

"Nice timing." Chris mumbled.

_"A Whitelighter? Like from a Darklighter?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"No, a Darklighter's poison is slow and painful, this was more instantaneous and the Elders have no idea what it could have been."_

_"It's all connected." _TV Paige said.

_"What's connected?" _TV Piper asked confused. She really hated being out of the loop.

_"Whatever it is that escaped from the ice cave."_ TV Paige answered.

"You guys are just not good at elaborating." Chris sighed.

"Yes, yes I think we've established that." Paige snapped.

"What got up your butt?" Phoebe asked.

"You guys and you insane talking. Now. Shut. Up." She enunciated the words trying to get it through their thick heads.

_"Yeah, maybe we should cancel counseling, honey."_ TV Leo suggested to his wife. What a _bad_ dumb ass move

_"Hold it, wait a minute, no. This is exactly what we're supposed to be learning in therapy. When to put our lives on hold and when not to."_ TV Piper disagreed.

_"But Piper, a Whitelighter was killed."_ TV Paige protested.

_"We don't know that. He could've just clipped his wings and he's in hiding."_ TV Piper tried to reason.

_"Is that possible?"_ Asked TV Phoebe.

_"Yeah, I guess."_ TV Leo said after some thought.

_"Look, people, we just need to manage our lives our little bit better. Dr. Berenson says that needless worry and panic serve absolute no purpose except to prevent the possibility of happiness."_ TV Piper quoted her 'marital' councilor.

"Dr. Berenson! That was it!" Phoebe shouted excitedly. _**"Now I can finally find him and get my money back. He didn't do a damn thing. That guy cost 20 dollars an hour. The sessions were 2 hours and twice a week. I am not a money tree damn it! Last time a hire a gas station owner." **_She thought angrily. Chris laughed. His family in this time were so damn amusing!

"Chris, what are you thinking about?" Paige asked while repeating crazy in her head.

"Phoebe." Was his only response in between deep breaths.

"Phoebe?" Leo and Cole questioned. Cole asking because he was jealous - but hiding it extremely well - and Leo because he thought that maybe Chris had a little crush. He also thought that somehow this could lead to the big bad secret.

"Not like that! Her thoughts are just really funny. I mean, seriously, I could make a show out of you lives, do you know how many people would watch it and crack up at what Phoebe said?" He asked. His eyes flickered over to the TV. "Oh, wait. I screwed something up here..."

"And you call us the morons." Paige scoffed. On the TV screen, TV Leo orbs 'up there'. Everything 'up there' is a bright white. The Elders are talking in their special click language. TV Leo walks over to two Elders.

_**"**__What's going on? What's with all the activity? I just left here."_ He asked confused.

_**"**__It's not your concern."_ Snapped an Elder named Roland.

"Well, he sure is polite." Paige said sarcastically.

_**"**__Roland, please. Actually, we're not sure, Leo. But we do know something is not quite right."_ Cecil another Elder answered in a gentler voice.

_**"**__Why? Has another Whitelighter..." _TV Leo trailed off not wanting to finish.

_**"**__No. It's something else."_ Cecil assured.

_**"**__Something we're not at liberty to discuss outside the council of Elders."_ Roland said angrily.

_**"**__Anything to do with heat waves,____earthquakes?"_ He cut in quickly hoping to get the Elder's attention.

It worked. _"What do you know?" _Cecil asked.

_**"**__Not much. Just that Paige has been having these strange dreams lately. Dreams that seem pretty prophetic." _TV Leo explained.

_**"**__You think she foresaw these earthquakes?" _Cecil asked.

_"Yes."_

_**"**__That's not her power."_ Roland denied.

"God, I hate Roland." Paige groaned. "Mr. 'that's not her power'." Paige mimicked in a whiny voice. "Mr. 'That's classified'." She again said in a whiny voice, trying to impersonate him. "Mr. ..." Paige was cut off by Phoebe.

"Mr. Hottie."

"Hottie." Paige scoffed. "More like bitchy, like Chris here."

"I am not!" Chris protested in the background but they ignored him. "You're bitchy." He mumbled.

"Bitchy? More like uh more like okay give me a second." Phoebe thought for a second. "Heavenly?" She said unsure.

"Heavenly I would say annoying, doubtful in us, mean-" Paige was cut off by Phoebe again.

"Okay! I get it, god!" Paige smirked happily and then turned towards the TV.

Meta whooshed into the snowy mountains to find Cronus, and Demetrius._**"**__It's good to see you again, my lord."_ She lied.

_**"**__You never were a good liar, Meta."_ Cronus said in a deep voice. _"Where's the third one?"_ He demanded.

_**"**__Unfortunately, Whitelighters are not as easy to find in this time. Much has changed. Magic is no longer practiced so openly."_ She said nervously.

_**"**__Much may have changed, but you certainly haven't. You know, it's always amazed me how someone as beautiful as you could so easily turn a mortal to stone."_ Cronus touched her cheek lovingly, or lustfully. _"You haven't changed a bit, have you? She stays behind."_

_**"**__No, she can't. We are stronger as three than two. We will need every ounce of that strength that we are to take revenge on our captures."_ Demetrius protested.

_**"**__But if we wait, we risk them finding out we've been awake, and then even with orbs, we will not be able to break in."_ Cronus said.

_**"**__Then that is a risk we will have to take."_ Demetrius said.

_**"**__Says who? You, Demetrius? Are you challenging me?"_ He asked dangerously.

_**"**__No. No, of course he's not, Cronus. I've got power enough for both of you. You can take them and use them to find a third Whitelighter for me."_ Meta hurried to break up the fight before it started.

_**"**__And if we can't?"_ Cronus asked.

_**"**__Then I suppose I'll just have to let you boys handle it."_ She continued while stroking his arm. Demetrius and Cronus walk over to the statues and suck the power out in blue orbs.

Phoebe's eyes start to pool with tears. Her lip quivers and the tears leak down her cheeks. "Those poor people!"

"Phoebe, you okay?" Chris asked nervously.

"No, I am not okay! I am sick and tired of watching everyone die! It's all because of magic too!" She wailed while covering her face.

"Phoebe, I thought complaining about magic was my job." Piper said trying to lighten up the mood. Phoebe glared.

"Honey, it's in the job description. Besides I thought you got over this already?" Paige asked.

"I lied!"

"Phoebe it's okay." Cole tried to soothe. "They were already dead. Plus, if you think about it they worked for the _Elders_. Case and point Leo."

"Uh!" Leo shouted. They ignored him though.

"Yeah, you're right." Phoebe agreed.

"About what? Me being worthless because I work for the Elders or because you were over reacting?" Leo asked.

"Both." She answered while happily watching his reaction (her evil side coming out). He looked really sad.

"Phoebe!" Piper scolded. "It's okay honey." Piper comforted Leo by hugging him and Chris smiled widely at their display of affection.

"Get a room." Paige groaned.

"Yes, yes get a room. Go!" Chris urged. He was so stupid breaking them up. They all gave him weird looks. "Um, I mean, get a room." He sneered.

Realization dawned on Piper's face. "Oh!" She shouted.

"What?" Leo asked alarmed.

"Nothing, nothing." She assured while continuing to sit on the floor with Leo. She grabbed his hand and turned towards Paige. "Sweetie, why don't you sit with Chris?" Paige looked at Chris, then back at Piper and sighed. She got up and sat next to Chris while folding her arms across her chest. She elbowed Chris in the stomach and then looked at the TV like nothing happened.

TV Paige is in the attic looking at the Titans page in the Book of Shadows. _"Phoebe! Hey, Phoebe!" _She shouted. TV Phoebe runs in.

_"Did you find something?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"Do Titans ring a bell?"_

_"Titans? Like from Ancient Greece? You have got to be kidding me."_ TV Phoebe said while looking at the page.

_"No, ancient gods who were entombed because it was the only way to stop them."_ TV Paige answered.

_"Okay, well, even if it is them, how'd they get out? And why go after the Whitelighters?"_ TV Phoebe questioned.

_"I don't know. Maybe one of them was hurt maybe they needed healing powers? I do know that because of the Elders' no Orbing edict, that the only way they're gonna get another Whitelighter is if one..."_ She trailed off suggestively.

_"Oh, no way, Paige, forget about it."_ TV Phoebe disagreed.

_"Why not? If I'm right, they will come right to us."_

TV Phoebe looked incredulous. _"And you're saying this like it's a good thing?"_

_"It is. This is why I haven't been sleeping. This is what I've been preparing for all year. I have got potions here that are stronger than the ones that we used on the Source."_

_"Okay, devil's advocate, until we figure out how powerful they are, we shouldn't use you as bait."_

_"Witch's advocate, there are evil gods running around on the loose that we should eliminate before Wyatt gets home."_

_"Mm, that's dirty. Why do I feel like you're making me choose between my sister and my nephew?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"Because you're slightly over dramatic?"_ She answered.

_"I'm a little over dramatic?"_ TV Phoebe asked the silent 'hypocrite' in the air.

_"Well, can we just do this please?"_ TV Paige begged. TV Phoebe sighed defeated.

"Phoebe!" Chris whined. "Don't give in. She's obviously hysterical!" He cried out.

"I'm hysterical?" Paige asked. "I think you're confusing me with Phoebe."

"I am not!" Phoebe denied.

"You're bringing demons into the house Paige, Gods no less." Chris pointed out.

"That's you." Paige said.

Chris laughed. "Oh yeah." TV Phoebe is looking at a statue encased Paige.

_"Don't worry, she's all right."_ TV Chris assured. TV Phoebe gave him a look. _"Well, I mean, she's not completely all right, obviously, but she's not dead." _He corrected.

_"Are you sure she's not?"_ TV Phoebe asked white touching the hard shoulder.

_"Frankly, you see this a lot. Museums, universities, town centers... Most of those statues, not really statues. They're people like your sister here who have been, uh, turned into stone."_ TV Chris lied. **(A/N HE LIES IN MY STORY!)**

_"Who are you?"_ TV Phoebe demanded.

_"Chris. Chris Perry. I'm from the future." _He answered reluctantly.

TV Piper walks in. _"Oh! My god, tell me that's just a really good likeness of Paige." _She exclaimed.

_"Oh, it's Paige."_ TV Phoebe answered.

_"Titan turned her to stone."_ TV Chris explained.

_"Who-who are you?"_ She demanded.

_"That's Chris. He's from the future." _TV Phoebe whispered loudly.

_"Yeah, but just like twenty years or so."_ TV Chris said like it changed anything.

_"Uh-huh. Friend or foe?"_ TV Piper asked her little sister.

_"Not so sure yet."_ Was her reply.

_"What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I?"_ He asked offended.

"Okay Chris, how about we explain it like this." Paige started. "You're in your house or whatever the hell you do and suddenly some dude comes out of nowhere saying he's from the future to save a family member. What would you do?"

"I would be like "Holy shit! A family member?" and then help him without asking questions." He answered without hesitation. He was only telling half truth though. Of course he would help, but he would ask questions. Not as annoying and pestering as his past family though.

Paige snorted. "Liar."

"I am not a liar!" Chris denied. "Well I do lie...a lot. But that wasn't a lie. More like a half truth." He did one of those nervous short laughs that he got from his Aunt Paige.

_"Who sent you?"_ TV Phoebe demanded.

_"I can't answer that."_ TV Chris said after some thought.

_"Why not?"_ She asked confused.

_"Because anything I tell you could risk changing the future in ways we don't want."_

_"Who's we?" _TV Piper asked suspiciously.

_"All I gotta say is, if that if I hadn't got here when I did, Paige would have been the third Whitelighter victim." _He answered.

_"Wait, third? I thought only one was missing?"_ TV Phoebe asked confused.

_"Not anymore."_ TV Chris said gravely.

_"Leo! Leo!"_ TV Piper shouted. He orbs in.

_"Honey, I'm sorry I missed counseling but..." _Obviously, thinking wife was going to yell at him.

_"Forget that, we've got bigger problems."_ TV Piper dismissed. Leo so dodged a bullet, a big temperamental, scary, bitchy bullet.

_"What happened?"_ He asked.

_"Forget that too. How many Whitelighters are missing?"_

_"What?"_

_"How many?" _TV Piper asked impatiently.

_"Uh, two. That's what the Elders just called me for." _He answered.

_"Believe me now?"_ TV Chris asked smugly.

TV Leo, not noticing him, was extremely confused. _"Who's he?" _

_"What was that?"_ TV Phoebe asked after hearing a crash from down stairs. The sisters and TV Leo walk down the stairs to see all types of magical creatures.

_"Sorry, we'll pay for that."_ One of the seven dwarfs said. He points to the broken vase on the floor._ "So long as you can keep the world from ending."_

"Which reminds me, he didn't pay for that." Piper shouted.

"So?" Chris asked.

"I love that vase." She replied while imaging it's flower pattern on mucas yellow glass. **(A/N I know that wasn't what it really looked like but just bear with me here)**

"Really?" Cole asked. "Because it's hideous."

"Hey! Don't diss the vase. It was beautiful. Now I am going to summon that dwarf and have him 'pay for that'." She said while getting up and starting to walk towards the stairs. He was going to conjure another vase just like that it didn't matter how he did it as long as she got another one.

"You do know I can just heal it right?" Leo asked.

"You can?" She asked skeptically. Her husband couldn't be that awesome, could he? He was _too_ perfect.

"If you still have the vase pieces then yes." He answered.

Her face turned sad. "I threw them away."

"Okay how about you buy another vase." Cole suggested.

"I don't want another one!" Piper wailed. "My Mother gave me that!"

"Then why did you throw away the pieces?" Chris asked.

"Because I was going to have the dwarf get me another one just like it and then give it to Mom and Grams for a while so their presence will linger in it."

"That's the stupidest idea ever." Paige said.

"It is not!"

"You can summon Mom and Grams all the time, so why do you need the ugly vase?" Phoebe asked.

"It's not the same now I need to go-" She was cut off mid sentence as she was carried away in a flutter of orbs. Chris sighed on relief.

"Where did you send her?" Leo asked the young Witchlighter.

"Basement." They all 'ahh'ed or nodded their heads. TV Piper walked up the stairs to find TV Chris searching through the Book of Shadows.

_"What are you doing?"_ TV Piper asked.

_"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone-cold Paige over here." _TV Chris said with a slight smile.

_"Step away."_ She ordered.

_"Please, like I haven't looked in this before. By the way, you should update your goblins entry. It'll come in handy someday." _He let her take over the place in front of the book anyway.

_"Goblins?"_

_"Yeah, trust me. It's gonna get ugly. Look, obviously you don't trust me, but I touched the __Book__, right? And the __Book__ thinks I'm good. Shouldn't you?"_

_"Well, maybe you found a way around that."_ She was literally grasping at straws. That only happened like once, or twice. Okay so it happened a lot but Chris couldn't be evil.

_"Piper, come on. I'm just trying to help."_ He defended himself.

_"Well, then if that's true, why don't you tell me how to vanquish the Titans?"_ TV Piper challenged.

Cole snorted. "Not possible, well unless you're a god yourself." He answered.

_"Except you can't vanquish them."_ TV Chris contradicted.

_"You mean, not without the Power of Three."_

_"Maybe not even with that. The only way the Elders could stop them three thousand years ago was by infusing some mortals with a hell of a lot of power. Way more than you guys have."_

_"So they can do that again."_ TV Piper said like he was stupid.

_"Not after what happened last time. When the mortals trapped the Titans, the power went to their heads. They declared themselves gods and forced the world to worship them. The Elders swore they would never allow that to happen again."_ TV Chris explained.

_"Hang on a second; I'm having a ninth grade flashback. You're talking about the Greek gods, Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite? They were mortals?"_ She asked astounded.

_"Mythology left that part out. Not the only inaccuracy by the way."_ TV Phoebe, the dwarf and Finnegan the Leprechaun walk in.

_"Phoebe, what are you doing? You're supposed to be..."_ TV Piper was cut off by her younger sister.

_"I know, I know. But I thought they could help us free Paige. After all, a leprechaun's luck has helped us before."_ She pats the dwarf on the shoulder.

_"He's the leprechaun; I'm one of the seven dwarves. Try to keep it straight, will you?"_ He snapped grumpily.

_"Sorry."_ She apologized.

Finnegan walks over to the statue. _"It's gonna take a lot more than just me luck to free this one. We're gonna need some pixie dust too." _He said in his Irish accent.

_"I'll get a fairy. Left my axe downstairs anyway."_ The little Dwarf said and then he went downstairs. TV Chris laughed.

_"Okay, so where are we?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"Screwed. Possibly. One thing I'm still not clear about. If the Titans are roaming around, why are they killing Whitelighters?"_

_"Because they need their Orbing power."_ TV Chris answered.

_"Their Orbing power? What on earth would they wanna do with..."_ Realization dawned on Piper's face. _"Oh my god. Leo!" _TV Piper raced out of the attic.

_"Wh-What'd I miss? What did she just figure out?"_ TV Phoebe questioned.

_"Nothing good."_ He answered while staring at the door.

"Why the hell are you Whitelighters so damn cryptic?" Piper asked as she sat down next to Leo.

"Because it makes you do what I'm asking without question because you think it's so bad." Leo answered at the same time as Chris.

"'Cause I'm from the future, I have to be cryptic."

On the TV, the fairy throws magic dust on the TV Paige statue making her have a golden hue. Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck, turning her a sparkly gold.

_"Now, laddie!"_ Finnegan commanded. The dwarf hits the statue with his pick but nothing happens.

_"Don't know what else to try."_ The dwarf admitted.

_"Running out of gold too, I'm afraid."_ Finnegan said while looking at his bucket.

TV Phoebe was desperate. _"Okay, well, there's gotta be something we can do. Just keep trying." _She walked over to TV Chris who is looking at some things on a shelf. _"What are you doing over here?"_

_"Nothing. You guys keep this stuff forever, you know that?"_ He replied with a smile. He picked up a tiny red candle and smelled it.

_"You knew the Titans were after the Elders, didn't you? Why didn't you tell us?"_ TV Phoebe asked while crossing her arms. TV Chris put the candle down and looked at her exasperated.

_"I told you, some things I can't tell you. Some things you need to figure out on your own."_ He answered.

_"Even at the risk of making things worse?"_

"Wait!" Paige shouted. "How do you know we keep that stuff forever?"

"Uh, um, I-I know because," He said nervously. "I know because um it explained it in a book." He said, but it sounded like a question.

"Not going to work." Paige shook her head.

"Wyatt turned your house into a museum and I saw it there?"

"Nope." Phoebe said while popping the 'p'.

"I uh..." He was at loss for words.

"Do you know them in the future?" Cole asked while smirking. _**"You're doomed."**_

"Everyone knows the Charmed Ones." He said pathetically. He sighed. "So I might have possibly run into you guys a couple times." Paige stared searching to see if he was telling the truth, he was. She then turned towards the TV liking the answer she got.

TV Chris orbed 'up there'. _"Leo." _He whispered to get his attention. TV Leo gets up and walks towards Chris.

_"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let this happen?"_ He pushes the young 'Whitelighter' against a shiny marble pillar.

_"Easy, easy!"_ TV Chris shouted.

_"Why!"_ TV Leo demanded.

_"Because this had to happen. It had to happen so you could do what has to be done."_

_"What are you talking about? They're all dead. Gone." _His voice was filled with pain.

_"No. Not all of them. Some of the Elders escaped back to earth, but it won't be long before the Titans hunt them down too. But you can still stop them. You can still defeat the Titans."_

_"How?"_ He asked.

_"I think you know how."_

Leo scoffed quietly. _"It's too dangerous. The Elders forbid it."_

_"True. But then again, the Elders aren't around to stop you now, are they? That's right, Leo. This is what it's all about. This is why they had to die so you could do something they'd never do. To save a future for your family, for your son."_ He used the dirty card. Leo would do anything for his son.

"Traitor." Paige accused.

"Me? What did I do?" Leo asked.

"You let Chris convince you to turn us into gods. You know how much we hate costumes."

"Yeah!" Phoebe agreed. "And I got stuck with the blond wig, _again_! Why is it always me! Why not Paige? She would look good as a blond. Damn Elders, always picking on me."

"I would _not_ look good as a blond." Paige disagreed.

"Well fine then Piper."

They all stared imagining it. Cole shakes his head. "Can't see it, sorry." He said. They all nodded in agreement. "Besides Phoebe, you were blonde once."

"I was a dirty blond, not bleach blonde, not golden blond, not Aphrodite blond!" She shouted angrily. In the attic on the TV, a fairy sprinkles magic dust on the Paige statue, again!

_"Now."_ TV Phoebe instructed. Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck. TV Phoebe throws a potion at the statue. _"Hit it!" _The dwarf hits the statue with his pick. The stone crumbles and frees Paige._ "Honey, hi!" _TV Phoebe gives a hug to a very bewildered Paige. _"Oh, I'm so happy to see you. Are you okay?"_

_"What happened? Where's the Titan? What the hell are these guys doing here?" _She asked while breathing deeply.

_"Long story, I'll tell you on the way."_ TV Phoebe and TV Paige leave the attic.

_"You're welcome!"_ The dwarf yelled angrily. Finnegan rocks back and forth on his heals while smiling. TV Paige and TV Phoebe walk down the stairs.

_"There you are."_ TV Phoebe acknowledged.

_"Okay, I get the whole epic Titan thing, but what I'm not getting is the Chris thing."_ TV Paige said.

_"Yeah, we're still trying to figure that part out. Look who's not stoned."_ TV Phoebe said excitedly.

_"Welcome back. You've missed a lot."_ TV Piper said sadly.

_"Yeah. I can't help, but think it's kind of all my fault though. I'm the one who lured the Titans here. Insert I told you so."_

_"Done." _Said TV Phoebe.

_"I just kind of was obsessed with the whole weird dreams thing and... but I am so sorry for any distress I might have caused you, Piper."_

_"Don't worry about it. I should've listened to you in the first place. Just trying not to worry or to panic. I've just got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach."_

_"What kind of feeling?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"That Leo's not coming back." _She choked out.

_"Oh, sweetie."_ TV Phoebe sighed out. She sits on the arm rest of the chair her big sister is sitting in. _"Of course he's coming back. How could he not?"_

_"I don't know. It's just something that Chris said about Leo having to go through this alone. I don't know. What the hell is he doing up there?"_

Chris looked down guiltily. "M-Piper, I didn't mean to make you upset. Well, that's a lie. I needed you to understand the seriousness of the situation. You guys usually - you in peculiar Piper - dismiss the problem with a wave of your hand. You're the Charmed Ones you'll beat it and everything will go back to normal. And maybe if you understood how Leo needed to be alone it was something big. I didn't mean to make you guys get a divorce." He said shamefully. _**"Well, that's a lie also. I needed Leo out of the way." **_Chris continued in his head.

"Are you admitting your wrong?" Paige asked. "Holy crap! Why didn't we get this on camera?" She shouted. Then she noticed the camera in the corner that she set earlier that morning. "Oh yes we did! You will never live this down!" She did a happy dance.

Cole winced. "Okay Paige calm down. No need to dance. Nobody wants to see that." He said while looking away. It was painful to watch. Did she need dancing lessons or what? Paige glared, but complied anyway. She sat down next to Chris again and continued her dance inside her head.

"It's okay sweetie." Piper said. "You're sorry. I get it. We also need to work on understanding how serious a situation is."

"No, I did not say you guys. I said you. Paige and Phoebe are fine." He said while gesturing with his hands.

TV Chris is sitting on white steps surrounded by Elder's bodies. Some doors open and TV Leo walks in holding an urn.

_"Piper."_ TV Leo said.

_"No."_ TV Chris replied forcefully.

_"But she needs me."_ He protested.

_"Not as much as the rest of us do. You need to stay here, even afterwards, to coordinate."_

_"All right. Then you should go, otherwise, the girls won't understand." _TV Leo caved.

_"Good luck."_ TV Chris wished then orbed back to the manor.

TV Leo takes the lid off the urn. _"Ekre oh-gee, akman minento."_ He chanted. A bright light rises out of the urn.

_"Leo! Leo!"_ TV Piper shouted 'down there'. _"Leo, for god's sakes, if you can hear me."_ TV Chris orbs in. _"You? Where's Leo?"_

_"He's safe. For now. Paige, hi."_

_"Hi." _She said with confusion seeping into her voice.

_"Forget that. What do you mean for now?"_ TV Piper demanded.

_"What is this about us supposedly battling the Titans?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

_"You're about to find out."_ He smiled.

_"What's that supposed to mean?" _TV Paige asked. A tornado of gray smoke swirls around the girls. It disappears and reveals them wearing outfits from ancient Greece. Phoebe has extremely long and thick blond hair. Paige is holding onto a trident. TV Piper gasps. TV Phoebe twirls like a dog trying to catch their tail. The difference is she's holding her hair. TV Chris's smile widens.

_"That's what that means."_

_"What happened? What are we?"_ TV Paige asked, puzzled.

_"You're gods." _He said while smirking. The screen shows the girls one more time. Paige looks incredulous and confused, Phoebe is staring at Chris with lust in her eyes, and Piper is staring with her mouth open wide. The TV goes black saying _"To be continued…"_

Chris smiled. "What are you smiling about?" Paige asked.

"Me? I'm not smiling." He denied. He then started laughing. "Oh come on, it's funny! You guys are so mad because you're dressed up in silly costumes."

Cole laughed. "I guess it is kind of funny." He agreed.

"Traitor." Phoebe hissed. She then got up and stomped over to the TV and clicked on the main menu. "The second episode?" She asked, they all shrugged and she took that as a yes. She clicked "Oh My Goddess Part 2" then sat next to Cole and elbowed him in the arm.

**Okay so that's the end of this chapter. God I'm so sorry for the wait. I wasn't allowed on the computer because I didn't take a shower. Fell free to curse my step Dad. Feel free to review and don't forget to answer the question.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Next chapter. These were the people who got the answer right... **_lolli-holly-m-c-piper, jasper'stwin288, vamp-gal, dmd, Agnes. _**You all get a smiley! : ) So I know a lot of you had trouble reviewing the last chapter. That's because I deleted my Author's Note and you guys reviewed for that. So when I moved the chapters it said you couldn't review twice and stuff. So sorry.**

**Don't own Charmed.**

**This story was beta'd by **_Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.

* * *

_

Cole elbowed Phoebe back and she glared. She elbowed him back. Piper getting so annoyed froze Cole and turned to watch the TV. On the screen they heard Piper's voice saying _"Previously on Charmed." _it then show important scenes of the episode before. The screen flipped to TV Piper staring incredulously at TV Chris.

_"You expect us to beat the Titans dressed like this? Maybe at a costume party," _she scoffed.

_"That's not a costume. That represents your new position and power," _TV Chris explained while walking towards them.

_"Power? Power's good. I like power," _TV Paige said. She then thought for a moment. _"Why do I like power?"_

_"Because you are the goddess of war."_

_"Ahh. Well, I guess that explains the pitch fork."_

_"It's not a pitch fork, it's a trident," _he said it like he was offended. _"Be careful, that's a formidable weapon."_

_"Right on. Who wants to fight?" _she asked while pointing her trident.

_"I'm a lover, not a fighter,"_ TV Phoebe said while twirling her hair and staring at Chris.

_"You're the goddess of love,"_ he informed.

_"Naturally,"_ TV Piper interrupted. _"Well, then that must make me the goddess of sanity because I find this ridiculous."_

_"Actually, Leo gave you dominion over the earth and all it's natural elements."_

_"Wait a minute, you're saying that Leo did this to us?" _TV Piper asked him.

_"Chris? You never told us, do you have a girlfriend in the future?" _she asked while leaning in. He laughed and she leaned in even more.

TV Chris ignored her. _"As you can see, all of you have drives and urges based on your powers. Don't let them distract you, alright? Stay focused, focused on the Titans."_

He said while walking away from TV Phoebe. She kept following him though like a lost puppy.

_"Hold it, pal. I don't know what kind of game you're running here, but Leo is not in the god-making business," _TV Piper said.

_"How old are you, anyway?"_ TV Phoebe asked TV Chris.

_"The Elders forbid it. And if anything, Leo is a company man," _TV Piper said.

Chris snorted. "Isn't that the truth."

_"The Elders did forbid it. And guess what, they're dead," _he snapped. He then looked a little guilty so he continued in a calmer tone. _"Most of them. Leo's in charge up there now and he's taken a huge risk that you three won't lose your humanity like the ancient Greeks... Whoa!" _Paige sticks her trident into Chris's shirt and holds him up in the air.

_"You killed the Elders. You could've prevented it. I say we castrate,"_ TV Chris looked alarmed.

_"A little control here, ladies, please,"_ he said.

_"Can't we figure out something else to cut off?" _TV Phoebe giggled. TV Piper gave her a look.

"God, Phoebe. Could you be any hornier?" Paige asked.

"It's not my fault! It's..," she thought for a moment. "Aphrodite's! Or maybe Leo's. Beside's it's not my fault that Chris was the first cute guy I encountered," Chris didn't know to be flattered or disgusted. He chose disgusted.

"To much info Pheebs," Chris said uncomfortably.

"Agreed," Cole said.

"What?" TV Phoebe asked. "All I'm saying is that-"

"Stop!" Cole and Chris shouted. Chris covered his ears ready to play the 'la la not listening' game. He put his arms down when she started to pout.

"Chris is really cute!" she shouted while laughing.

"La la! I'm not listening. I can't hear you!" Chris shouted while plugging his ears and closing his eyes.

"You are so immature," Paige said while rolling her eyes.

"Well, your sister has a dirty mind."

Paige sighed. "God, I know."

"Hello!" Phoebe shouted. "I'm still here," she pointed out, but they ignored her.

TV Paige points her trident at the piano and a bolt of lightning flies out of it hitting the piano. The piano breaks into pieces.

_"Put that thing down! You're gonna hurt someone,"_ TV Piper chided.

_"I certainly hope so,"_ she agreed. _"Do you know the kind of damage this thing could do?" _she asked rhetorically.

_"A lot,"_ TV Chris answered.

_"Paige, make love, not, you know. There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't…" _TV Phoebe thinks. _"Hurdle."_

_"This is Leo's strategy?"_ TV Piper asked incredulous. _"Well, he must have lost it up there because these girls can't be seen in public, much less..."_

_"Ooh, that reminds me. I'm late for the bachelor auction. I'm gonna go pick up a guy or two, or twelve," _TV Phoebe said. She claps her hands and a pink misty heart appears. A pink swirl of mist surrounds her and she disappears from the room.

_"Phoebe?"_ TV Chris asked panic seeping into his voice.

_"Ooh, that's a good idea. I'm gonna go get in some target practice with some demons. Watch out Titans," _TV Paige pointed her trident in a fighting stance. Lightning bolts surround her and she disappears from the room.

_"I knew this was gonna happen. You gotta go after them," _TV Chris ordered.

_"Oh, no-no-no. This was your big plan, you clean up the mess."_

_"No, your role is to provide balance. That's why you feel so grounded and in control."_

_"Wow, Chris, that was actually pretty good. You almost sounded like a Whitelighter. Too bad I already have one. And if he would like me to do something, he can come down and tell me himself," _TV Piper looks up at the roof and continues. _"Do you hear that?"_

_"You want Leo, hm? Then vanquish the Titans. If you can't do that, you're gonna find out what a world of darkness feels like. My world," _he said dramatically.

"God!" Phoebe said while giggling slightly. "Could you be any more melodramatic?" she asked.

Chris looked a little offended. He then rolled his eyes. "It's all your fault," he accused.

"How is it there fault?" Cole asked curiously.

"I had to be dramatic so they'd freaking listen!" he exploded.

"Okay, Chris, honey calm down," Piper said. Chris stared at her 'humphed', rolled his eyes, and then sunk into the couch. Piper smiled happily, she totally owned him, power was awesome! Her eyes flickered over to Chris making sure he didn't hear that. He didn't appear to of heard anything.

In the woods, TV Paige and three other demons are there. She's pointing her trident at them. _"Come on, now, hit me with your best shot," _TV Paige taunted. A demon throws an energy ball at Paige and she catches it, distinguishing it. _"Give me one firm spot on wich to stand and I will move the earth," _she points her trident at the demon and zaps him, vanquishing him. _"Archimedes said that. Great warrior. And he didn't even have a trident. Okay, on your knees. Kiss the hand of the Paige," _she holds her hand out, waiting.

_"Yes, my liege," _the demons said in unison. They knelt in front of her.

_"Mm, being a goddess does have its perks," _she mused. Leaves fly around in one spot and TV Piper appeared.

_"Paige, what are you doing?"_ TV Piper demanded.

_"How'd you find me?" _TV Paige asked.

_"Apparently, it's one of my powers to keep an eye on you," _she said like she was still skeptical of it herself. _"What is going on here?"_

_"Oh, I'm just building an army. I figured what better way to smite the Titans than with hordes of demons, right?"_ she explained nonchalantly.

_"Wrong. All of you out," _TV Piper commanded.

_"We answer only to our liege," _one of the demons told her. TV Paige smiles and nods in satisfaction.

_"I see,"_ TV Piper said.

_"See, they're very loyal. And you know what? I don't know why I was wasting my time studying witchcraft when I clearly should have been earning my general stripes."_

_"I said go! Now!" _TV Piper roared. The ground shakes. The demons disappear, frightened.

_"What'd you have to do that for? I had followers," _TV Paige whined.

_"You can't have followers. None of us can. Now come on before I unleash my wrath on you," _TV Piper replied while grabbing her sister's hand and leaving in a rush of wind.

"God, Piper," Paige whined.

"What?" she asked.

"You couldn't have let us have our fun. Seriously, if you got some of your own followers, you wouldn't be so quick to send away ours," Paige explained. She then started to grumble to herself.

Phoebe nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, I mean those guys adored me!" Phoebe said while motioning to the TV. On said TV guys we're surrounding Phoebe.

Piper snorted. "I was mother nature. Who would have followed me? Bambi?"

"Yes, yes he would have," Phoebe said seriously. Piper just rolled her eyes in response.

_"What the hell is this? Goddesses gone wild? I told you to keep them in line. What would happen if the Titans attacked right now?" _TV Chris demanded as he walked into the living room.

_"Chris, I've got it. Thank you," _TV Piper told him. _"All of you, out!" _she shouted. A gust of wind blows through the room and the men land in the foyer all on top of one another. They quickly get up and race outside. Was it wrong that Leo was completely turned on? Yes, it was.

_"Now that's what I'm talking about," _he said while smiling and pointing at his Mother.

_"Time for a morality check. Leo did not give us this power so we could form armies or love cults," _TV Piper gave her sisters a pointed look. TV Phoebe wasn't paying attention though because she was staring at Chris. _"The ancient Greeks indulged in their whims that way and look what they became."_

_"Petty, evil, vindictive," _Chris supplied while rolling his eyes at Phoebe.

_"Thanks, I've got it. Now... hi!" _she pokes Phoebe with a pillow. _"Can you two get it under control?"_

_"Reason and judgment are the qualities of a leader. Tacitus, 100 A.D," _TV Paige informed.

_"Love will keep us together. Captain and Tennille. 1970s," _TV Phoebe said. TV Chris looked away to try and cover up his laughs.

_"Fascinating. Now, can we figure out a way to beat the Titans, 'cause I for one would like my family back. Soon," _TV Piper said. They hear the Elders call.

_"Is that a jingle?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"There are no Elders up there,"_ TV Paige said suspiciously. _"Who's jingling?"_

_"It's Leo,"_ TV Chris answered.

_"Leo can jingle?"_ TV Piper asked incredulously. This is probably her worst nightmare. Piper glared heavily at the TV. If looks could kill that TV would be fried. Cole stiffed a laugh. He would never admit it, but Piper scared the crap out of him and laughing would be a really bad move.

After about a minute of glaring at the TV, she turned her glare on Leo. Now after a couple of minutes of Leo squirming and Piper never easing her glare, she growled.

This time Cole couldn't hold it in. He laughed. "Did you just growl?"

She didn't answer him. "Who the hell gave you permission to jingle me?" she shrieked.

Leo winced. "It-it was Chris," he stuttered. "He told me not to come to you because there we're more important things at stake. So I could only jingle you."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah always blame it on me," he said. It was safe to say that Chris had Daddy issues. He got that from his Aunt Prue also the reason that Leo was a complete ass.

"Don't you drag Chris into this!" Piper shouted. Chris winced at the déjà vu of it. One of the many things Piper said to Leo in the future. Piper and Leo argued a lot in the future, all revolving around their sons and how Leo just happened to ignore their youngest one.

"Okay guys, no need to fight," Chris said.

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed.

"Or else we'll send Aphrodite-Phoebe after you. We don't really want another sappy love speech, do we?" Paige asked.

Cole snorted. "I think we all had enough of those," Piper complied and Leo relaxed until she shot him another death glare. The TV Charmed ones appeared in a sewer after Leo orbed them out of danger from the Titans.

_"Is everybody okay?"_ TV Piper asked.

_"No. Is my hair singed?"_ TV Phoebe asked while grabbing her long blond hair and checking the ends.

_"You're fine," _TV Piper said exasperated.

_"I guess we're not so all powerful after all. How'd we get out of there?" _TV Paige asked.

_"I guess Leo must have orbed us out. But I don't know how, he doesn't have that kind of power," _TV Piper mused.

_"Well, he must have because we're out of there. What is this place, a sewer?" _TV Paige asked.

_"This is sanctuary."_ Roland answered.

_"Oh, my, my, my," _TV Phoebe said. She walks over to him. _"Aren't you just the edible Elder? Have you taken a vow of celibacy?" _she asked.

"Who the hell invited this 'Roland' into our conversation?" Paige asked.

Leo sighed. No matter how hard he tried his family would always and forever hate the Elders. "He was just trying to help. Seeing as I couldn't be there," he shot a look at Chris.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Okay, I get it. Everything's my fault."

"I'm happy you understand," Leo smiled.

Chris felt like smacking Leo against the wall. It wouldn't be the first time. His hand twitched. All it would take was one little wave and he'd be unconscious on the floor, either that or bleeding both worked for him. He couldn't do it though. The past was softening him up. If this were the future, he would have smacked him without thinking. Then again, in the future, whenever Leo showed up he did that. This was the past where his family would have vanquished him without a thought. Damn!

"It's called sarcasm. Look it up," Chris retorted. Leo glared and Chris glared back. This soon went into a full blown glaring match. Leo wouldn't back down because he wasn't really a pacifist, no matter what the Elders tried to change him into, and Chris because – well let's just say that he has a lot of Piper in him.

Paige rolled her eyes and there childness and motioned for everyone just to keep watching.

_"Leo did all this?"_ TV Piper asked astonished.

"Don't sound so surprised," Leo grumbled.

_"I was surprised myself. I'm afraid I was one of the Elders who always sold Leo short. What with him marrying a witch and all. No offence," _TV Phoebe hugged him.

_"Offence taken," _TV Piper said.

_"I will never make that mistake again. Without Leo, we'd all be dead. He's out there now tracking Elders as we speak, moving them here. We owe Leo everything."_

_"I guess so," _TV Piper said in a thoughtful voice.

_"Well, good luck with the Titans." _Roland wished them. He turned around to leave, but Phoebe stopped him.

_"One more question. What are you wearing under that robe?" _she asked while twirling her hair.

He looked confused. As if the answer was obvious. _"More robes," _TV Paige laughs and Roland leaves.

_"Oh, that is so hot,"_ she said.

Cole rolled his eyes. "Aphrodite is making you even more horny."

"Nuh-uh!" Phoebe denied.

"Uh-huh!" Cole said back, knowing how to play this game.

This time Paige rolled her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with you guys, but seriously you need to stop acting weird."

Chris laughed. "Must be something in the water."

"What do you mean by that?" Leo asked. _**"And where can I get some?" **_he continued in his mind.

_**"Never pegged you as the type to do that," **_Chris thought back at him.

Leo not noticing that he was talking to Chris in his mind said it out louder. "The Elders made me stop," Chris laughed again as everyone stared at Leo confused as to why he would say that randomly.

"Made you stop what?" Piper questioned while raising an eyebrow.

Leo panicked and shouted something without really thinking. "Masturbating!"

Chris laughed harder. "Smooth."

"To much information," Paige shuddered.

"No I-I didn't mean t-that. I-"

"Suure, Leo," Phoebe dragged out. Leo started to explain again, but they all ignored him by watching the TV. It was kind of hard to pay attention though because he kept mumbling explanations in the background.

In the manor living room, Phoebe is draped across a red couch. Demetrius walked in.

_"I've been waiting for you,"_ she gets up and walks over to him. _"My whole life."_

_"You have? Why?"_ he asked.

_"Why? It doesn't matter," _Phoebe picks up a feather and strokes his face with it. _"The only thing that matters is that you're here and I'm here. Do you know what that means?"_

_"We're here."_

_"Right. Together. Do you want me?"_

_"Very much."_ Demetrius admitted.

_"I'm all yours,"_ she told him. He leans in closer, but Phoebe stops him. _"But wait, what would Cronus think?"_

_"I don't care what Cronus thinks." _Cronus walks in behind him. _"If he tries to stop me, I'll just..."_

_"What are you doing, Demetrius?"_

Demetrius let go of Phoebe immediately and walked over to Cronus. _"The goddess wants to seduce me. I was just playing along until you got here," he said nonchalantly._

TV Phoebe sighed. _"Fooey!"_

"I guess Aphrodite didn't change you_ that _much," Cole said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Phoebe demanded.

"A goddess wouldn't say 'fooey' that's all you," he explained.

"How do you know? Aphrodite was a very loving and sensitive goddess," Phoebe said.

"Actually, I remember Aphrodite being a vindictive slut," Chris contradicted. "6th grade," he explained at their looks.

"Who knew you we're such a history buff," Piper said.

"I have to be," Chris said a bit sadly. "You never know when it will be handy when you're attacked."

_"-God, I miss Leo," _TV Phoebe said Chris orbs in the room. _"Leo?" _she asks hopefully.

_"Oh, it's just you,"_ TV Paige said sadly.

_"Hello, to you too,"_ Chris said sarcastically, covering up his offended tone._ "So the Elders are taken care of. Where's Piper?" _he asked while sitting next to Phoebe.

_"She's upstairs with the baby. Um, could you bring us Leo?" _TV Phoebe asked.

_"He's busy. How's it going here?"_

_"Not so good. I keep trying to come up with a plan to defeat the Titans but every battle simulation ends the same way,"_ TV Paige answered.

_"With our death," _TV Phoebe clarified.

_"We could really use Leo right about now," _TV Paige hinted.

_"I'm starting to get that impression,"_ he said annoyed.

"You guys are really that fond of me?" Leo asked touched.

"Yeah, we really were," Phoebe said thoughtfully.

"Wait were? Why were?" Leo asked frantically.

"Well, we have Chris now," Piper explained and Chris smirked. Cole laughed. He forgot how entertaining this family was. When he got back to the other plane, he should actually watch instead of sulk.

Leo scoffed. Like that was a good reason. "Also you're an Elder now," Paige said.

"So?"

"Leo, honey. We've been over this. Since you're an Elder we hate you," Piper said.

"That's just not fair," he pouted.

"Well, we made up this rule when we saved that fairy with Prue. Then, when Paige came along, she agreed. We can't just take that rule away. It's been with us for years," Piper told him.

Leo snorted. "It's just a rule."

"A very important rule!" Paige snapped at him.

In Piper's bedroom she's holding Wyatt. _"I know you miss him. I miss him too," _TV Piper told Wyatt.

Chris walks in. _"I need help," _he interrupted.

_"Uh, excuse me, this is my bedroom. You can't just walk in here anytime you want to,"_ she said rudely.

_"Yeah, I know, but your sisters need you. I got them working on the Titans, but I don't know how long that's gonna last."_

TV Piper puts Wyatt in his bassinet. _"I thought you needed me," _she pointed out.

_"I did. I mean, I do. I need you 'cause they need you. Actually, they need Leo. Look, will you please just go deal with them?" _he practically begged.

_"What's the matter, Chris? The all-knowing running out of answers?" _she asked sarcastically.

_"Yes, yes, I am. If that will motivate you, yes. I'm losing control because I'm watching history repeat itself and nobody's willing to do a damn thing about it,"_ he snapped.

_"I feel your frustration," _she said.

_"Piper, if it helps, I get it, okay? I do, really. You need Leo. Your sisters need Leo. But if you can't stop..."_

_"You forgot the baby. The baby needs his father too,"_ TV Piper cut him off.

_"Fine. But if you can't stop missing your husband long enough to see the bigger picture…" _Chris started again, but like before she cut him off.

_"There is no bigger picture than my family."_

_"Well, then pay attention because the world I grew up in families hardly existed. I never had a chance to know mine,"_ he partially lied.

_"Not my fault,"_ TV Piper dismissed.

_"Not yet."_

_"Is that what this is about? You blame us for what happened to you?"_

_"I just want you to get it right this time. Use your power of three. Use your power as gods. Save the world from going to hell."_

_"If that's what you want, then I will say it one more time and maybe you will hear me. We need Leo. Now excuse me, I have to go warm up a bottle," _she leaves the room. Chris watched until she was surely gone and walked over to Wyatt. Wyatt's force field comes up though.

TV Chris laughed. _"Don't worry. You'll come to trust me in time. They all will."_

Chris silently cursed and waited for the onslaught that was sure to come. "What the hell did you mean by that?" Paige asked.

Leo shot up from his seat. "I knew it! You are evil! I was right and you guys were wrong. Now vanquish him."

Chris rolled his eyes. "It's not what you think."

"What is it then?" Phoebe asked.

Cole laughed. "Yeah, Chris."

"Oh like your one to talk. Mr. Balthazar, Avatar, Source," he listed.

"Human!" Cole pointed out.

"For like a day," Chris scoffed.

"We're not talking about me though. Were talking about you. How you said something suspicious," he snapped.

Leo started to pace around Chris and formed a golden ball in his hand seeing as he didn't have a flashlight. He stopped in front of Chris and held the ball in front of his face. "Cole was right. You sound suspicious. So Chris are you here to kill my son? Are you here to ruin my family? Break up me and Piper and get Paige and Phoebe on your side for some sick twisted game."

Chris's head fell back and he let out a long exasperated sigh. "You caught me. I'm here because I am stealing your ex-wife. I need people to back me up of course, so I tried to get Phoebe and Paige to like me," Chris said sarcastically. "I have had enough of this. I have heard accusation after accusation from you people. You guys complain and whine. It gets tiring. After you came back from Valhalla all you do is watch me. I'm trying to save Wyatt, your son, from turning into that evil tyrant that visited us a day ago. So you know what you can do? You can take the glowing ball of light and shove it up your ass," he said surprisingly calm. Then Chris finally did what he's been wanting too for a long time. He waved his hand and Leo went flying across the room.

Cole smirked and got up and patted Chris on the back as congratulations. "Good job," he praised.

"Chris!" Piper scolded. She walked over to Leo and helped him up. Also holding him back from attacking Chris again._** "Why would you do that to your father?"**_

"He's an ass, he deserved it," Chris replied to both her spoken and silent words.

"Whoa, Chris. Someone's got a temper problem," Paige joked, slightly.

"I get it from my mother," he smiled cheekily. Piper glared, but didn't say anything.

In the Parlor TV Phoebe and TV Paige are there. TV Phoebe is reading up on Zeus.

_"It says in here that Cronus swallowed his new born children to keep them from over throwing him," _TV Phoebe read out loud.

_"What if you lure the Titans to a field, Piper lifts them with a tornado, and I hit him with my lightning?" _TV Paige asked.

_"I'm afraid there's no way to beat a man who eats his own children," _TV Phoebe sighed. TV Piper and TV Leo come down the stairs.

_"Those stories are fables,"_ TV Leo told them.

_"Leo!"_ TV Phoebe shouted. She gets up and hugs him.

_"Welcome home, Leo,"_ TV Paige greeted.

_"What do you have for me?"_ TV Leo asked.

_"Paige ran every battle plan she knows which as a war goddess is basically every battle that's ever been fought," _TV Phoebe said.

_"No matter how you spin it - warrior, seductress, earth mother - we don't have the power to defeat the Titans."_

_"We can't beat them. They're too strong for us,"_ TV Phoebe

_"See how much this family needs you?" _TV Piper pointed out. That's evil. To play that card.

_"No. I don't. You can do this without me. And it's not because you have the power of gods or the power of three. It's because you are the greatest force of good that I know and that's why I chose you."_

_"Oh, see I could just feel the confidence wash all over me. He's doing it," _TV Phoebe said.

_"What is he doing?"_ TV Piper asked.

_"Paige, you know exactly where to find the power to conquer the Titans," _TV Leo said.

_"I do?"_

_"Yes. You just need to focus," _TV Leo told her.

_"We have to declare ourselves gods."_

"No, no you don't!" Chris shouted.

_"It's how the ancient Greeks did it," _Leo said.

_"Chris told us not to do that," _TV Piper contradicted.

_"Well, Chris is wrong. He doesn't know you like I do," _TV Leo said.

Chris tried to swallow back his remark that for sure would cause another fight. Per usual his lips moved on their on accord. "I know them more than you, asshole!" Chris shouted.

"What?" Leo asked, baffled. "You just met them."

Chris continued like he didn't hear him. "I told them not to declare themselves as gods. If they did, I knew Piper would go ballistic. She would go crazy because you left. That's why I said don't. I'm not an idiot. You say that there not the ancient Greeks. They're still human and vulnerable enough to those powers."

They all stared at him in shock. All but Cole because he was laughing his ass off. "Yeah! Listen to the kid. It's good to see someone knock you guys down a peg. You guys act like your better than everyone especially Prue."

"Yes, yes. We know Cole. You hate Prue. We get it," Paige dismissed.

"She was a bitch, cocky, annoying, cocky, bossy, cocky," he listed.

"She was our sister," Piper snapped.

"Well, if you loved her so much why don't you just marry her all ready," Cole said."Sometimes I swear they did. There was something more going on in that relationship. I knew it, they knew it, even their Dad knew it. That's why Victor wasn't around much."

"Maybe I will," Piper said stupidly. She wasn't one to back down from a fight.

"Piper, she's dead," Leo pointed out.

"Well, thanks now, look it he won," Piper said angrily. She hit Leo on the arm. He winced, she was strong.

In Piper's room, TV Leo and Wyatt were playing. _"I'll never leave you, I promise," _he said.

TV Piper walks in. _"Why would you? Leo, what's going on?"_

_"I'm not sure," _he answered truthfully.

_"What do you mean you're not sure? Chris! Where ever you are, get your ass over here!" _TV Piper shouted.

_"It's okay, Chris," _Leo said. Oh my god! He was actually being nice to Chris! TV Chris orbs in.

_"This better be an emergency. You are going to lead the Titans straight to us," _he warned.

_"What's happening to my husband?" _TV Piper demanded.

_"Something amazing,"_ he lied.

_"You know what? Cut the crap. You knew the Elders were gonna die. You coached Leo up there. You knew all of this was gonna happen."_

_"Did you?"_ TV Leo asked.

_"You're not serious," _Chris said disbelieving.

_"Whatever it is you think you're doing, you need to make it stop," _she told him.

_"Piper, nobody chose this. It chose Leo. What he did up there for all of us was nothing short of a miracle. Now he's receiving the ultimate reward. A chance to become…" _TV Piper cut him off.

_"Don't you dare say it,"_ she warned.

_"The world needs sources of good to watch over it. Do you know a source of pure goodness better than Leo?" _Chris asked.

_"Leo is not... He's not an Elder okay? Because Elder's don't live on earth. They don't have families. Okay, just tell him you're not an Elder," _TV Piper said.

_"I don't know that I can," _TV Leo admitted.

_"I think you should get back to your sisters," _TV Chris suggested.

_"No. Not until you tell him."_

_"They're waiting for you."_

_"Chris is right,"_ TV Leo agreed. _"You need to get back to Paige and Phoebe."_

_"No. Not until you say it."_

_"The Titans are gonna be here any moment," _TV Chris shouted.

_"I said no!"_ TV Piper shouted back. She points at Chris and sends him flying across the room. He hits the door and is knocked unconscious. TV Leo rushes to him.

_"He'll be okay. You did it, Piper. You found your power. Now control it, don't let it control you," _TV Leo said.

Chris winced at the memory. "That really hurt," he groaned.

"Why are you so against Leo being an Elder Piper?" Cole asked.

"They're annoying, cocky, bitchy, bossy, and I don't want Leo to turn into one of those people," Piper explained.

"Too late," Chris mumbled.

"Oh my god!" Cole gasped.

"What?" Phoebe and Paige asked alarmed.

"I think Prue was an Elder," Cole laughed out. The sisters and Leo glared at him and Chris just laughed. It was kind of funny. He met his Aunt a couple of times and she could be pushy and a little bitchy.

In the conservatory, Piper, Paige, and Phoebe are fighting the Titans. Well it's more like Piper.

_"It's not nice to piss of Mother Nature,"_ TV Piper told them. She holds out her hands and the room starts to shake. A hole opens in the ground in front of the Titans. A chandelier above, falls from the roof and into the fiery pit below and a dresser soon follows. TV Paige grabs her trident and zaps the floor at the Titans feet. It crumbles and they fall into the pit. The hold seals back up and Leo rushes down the stairs.

_"So much for the Titans,"_ TV Paige scoffed.

_"Thank god,"_ TV Phoebe said.

"You're welcome," TV Piper said sarcastically.

_"You did it, Piper. You found the power you needed. You all did. Now it's time to give it back," _TV Leo said. She just looks at him and leaves in a rush of wind.

Chris sighed. "I told you," he said to Leo.

"Yes, yes. You were right and I was wrong. Happy?" Leo snapped.

"I think hearing it a couple of more times my help. Oh and also in writing. You'll never live this down."

"Yeah," Paige agreed. "I think I'm gonna go with Chris on this one," she held out her hand and a notepad and a pen orbed in. She thrust the paper and pen at him. "Here. This is so going on my wall. I'll put a caption underneath: Know-it-all Elder finally admits defeat."

"Well, how about I do the same. Sarcastic Whitelighters finally agree," Leo retorted.

"We've agreed before," Chris said.

"Name one."

"Uh. Well, there was that time…oh wait, nope," Chris said to himself.

"We're too alike to agree," Paige supplied. Ironically, Chris nodded his head in agreement.

Paige and Phoebe just gave back their Goddess powers. _"The Elders have returned to the heavens and they're calling for me," _TV Leo informed. He then orbed out.

_"Did he just bail on us? Is that what he did?" _TV Phoebe asked incredulously.

_"He's trusting in you to do that. You need to find Piper and talk her down before she sets up shop somewhere and throws the world into chaos. Then it'll be too late for her_," TV Chris said.

_"Okay, maybe you missed the part about Piper being Leo's wife," _TV Phoebe said. Anger bursting into her voice.

_"Look, you have to understand. Things have changed. The Elders need Leo up there to help restore order," _TV Chris explained.

_"Cut to the chase, future man. Is this about Leo being turned into an Elder, or what?" _TV Paige demanded.

_"He's on the path," _he answered hesitantly.

_"Okay, don't give us that creepy pod-people smile. Okay, in your world, being an Elder may be cool, but in our world it pretty much sucks. Leo is our brother-in-law…" _TV Phoebe said.

_"And our Whitelighter,"_ TV Paige added.

_"And our friend."_ Supplied TV Phoebe.

Cole rolled his eyes. "You act as if you guys like him."

Piper gasped. "Of course we like him! He's my husband and their brother in law," Leo smirked.

"You don't act like it," she was about to cut him off but he silenced her with his hand. "A-a-a-ah let me finish. Okay, so you get together, but then you leave him when you find out he's magical. You hook up with a mortal - who he hates. You get back together again, but you continue to blow him to bits. Then you break up with him when her turns into an Elder," he rolled his eyes. "You sure do love him."

"Cole!" Phoebe scolded. She then glared at Chris to get him stop to snickering.

"Well in Piper's defense, Leo's a douche. He deserved all of that," Chris said.

"I DO LOVE HIM!" Piper shouted, loudly. They all stared at her. Her outburst was a little unexpected. "Besides me and Leo are back together," she kissed Leo on the cheek.

"We are?" Leo asked.

"Yes," she confirmed.

"Thank god!" Chris shouted. All of the stares turned on him. "Well, it was about time I'm just sayin'."

"Wait why do you care Cole?" Paige asked. "I mean about Piper hurting Leo."

"Sorry. I just get frustrated sometimes. Piper, you complain about how Leo's never around when you practically drove him out. I can only go to magical places in my plane and I can't interfere. You think fairies are fun to watch? No. Piper and Leo fighting was entertaining for a while, but when there's nothing else to do it get annoying," Cole explained.

"That's no fair!" Phoebe protested. "Piper didn't drive Leo away it was the Elders. They keep interfering."

Leo sighed. "The Elders aren't the bad guys here!"

"Yes they are." The sister's said together.

"Creepy," Chris commented.

Paige rolled her eyes. "Like your one to talk."

TV Piper is standing near the Golden Gate Bridge soaking wet from the rain. She raises her arm and several flashes of lightning strikes down on the city. TV Phoebe and TV Paige orb in holding an umbrella.

_"Piper!" _TV Paige called out.

_"Stay away from me," _she warned.

_"We're taking you home," _Explained TV Paige.

_"To your family," _TV Phoebe continued.

_"What family?" _TV Piper asked.

"A little on the dramatic side don't you think Piper?" Cole asked.

"It's not that dramatic," Piper denied.

"Uh," Paige started. "I think I have to agree with Cole on this one," she looked at him distastefully. Agreeing with him was repulsive to her.

"Oh, it's not that dramatic," she disagreed.

"I'm sorry Piper, but come on! 'What family?'. Seriously? That's just a little stupid," Phoebe added.

Piper looked at Leo hopefully and he shook his head. She looked at Chris and he laughed. "I'm sorry. This is just too damn funny. 'What family?' You still have Wyatt, Phoebe, and Paige. Not to mention all the dead family you can summon. You go crazy because of Leo. LEO of all people! Come on!" Just saying that caused another laughing fit.

Piper rolled her eyes. "Never count on a man," she grumbled. Her eyes widened in horror. "Oh god! I'm starting to sound like Grams!"

"You do know that they watched us and she just heard that," Paige pointed out.

True to her word Penny, Patty, and Prue heard that. Penny grumbled something about "You're closer than you think.".

TV Piper orbed 'Up There' looking like a wet cat. Nah, joking. She just looked really sad. _"Where is he? Where is Leo?" _TV Piper demanded to all of the Elders.

TV Leo goes walks up to her. _"Piper, what are you doing here?" _he asked.

_"How can you do this?"_ she choked out.

_"Uh, excuse us for a minute,"_ TV Leo said to all of the Elders. They were very nosy and were staring at the couple...or ex couple... TV Piper and TV Leo move across the room.

Paige laughed. "They'll still hear you."

"Wait! We weren't wearing heels," Phoebe shouted. She grabbed the remote and paused the TV. When Piper was walking if you freeze at just the right time you can see her heals. "We were barefoot. That's so not fair."

Piper rolled her eyes. "Stop complaining."

"I had blisters!" she whined.

"I didn't," Paige announced.

"Rub it in my face, why don't ya," Phoebe said.

Paige shrugged. "Okay," she pulled her shoe off and lifted her leg up.

"NOT LITERALLY!" Phoebe shouted.

_"As an Elder, I have the power to take your pain away,"_ TV Leo told Piper.

_"You can't make me forget you."_

_"No. Help you find peace," _he explained. They hug. TV Leo glows and then TV Piper glows.

"And it's all downhill from here," Paige concluded.

"I was trying to help!" Leo defended.

"Yeah, it didn't work so well though did it?" she retorted sarcastically.

"But-"

"No!" she cut him off. "If you just left well enough alone then Piper wouldn't have gone Mary Poppins on us."

"She wasn't that bad, was she?" Leo asked.

"Oh, she was horrible!" Phoebe cut in. "I mean she smiled about everything like nothing was wrong. I mean, it was so sad!"

"How was it sad?" Cole questioned.

"That's when I first got my empathy," she explained. "I could feel her emotions. Her heart was broken."

Leo winced. "No need to lay it on so thick."

"I'm not lying Leo. It all happened and it was entirely your fault. You can just feel the guilt wash over you in waves, can't you? Oh and don't bother lying I felt it."

Leo looked at Piper. "Oh, it was so long ago. Who can remember?" she laughed hysterically.

"Sweetie, it was like 2 weeks ago," Paige said.

She waved her hand in dismissal. "I must be getting old."

"Your 34," Cole pointed out.

"Ah, yeah well to much head trauma from the demons."

"Your just grasping at straws. It's pitiful. Just blame Leo already. It's really easy. Just repeat after me," Chris ordered. "Leo it's all your fault. If you didn't try to help me, then are lives we be much less complicated. See easy."

"I'm not gonna say that," Piper stated.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Your loss. You try thinking up a speech better than that."

"Your guy's rambling made you miss a lot," Cole informed. Indeed it did. TV Chris was sitting on the manor steps outside and TV Leo orbed in front of him. Chris silently cursed. His whole family is going to be pissed. Well, actually Leo's going to be smug.

_"So, the Elders decide what to do with me yet?"_ TV Chris asked.

_"Well, you've been the subject of heated discussion,"_ TV Leo said. It's a well known fact that the Elders like to gossip. Being immortal can do that to you. _"One thing we agreed upon is you can't return to the future."_

TV Chris nodded his head in agreement. Ah! Agreement with Leo! _"I figured as much. The timeline's changed, I don't even know what I go back to. So what did they decide?"_

_"The Elders voted to make you the Charmed Ones new Whitelighter."_

_"They did?"_ TV Chris asked in fake surprise.

_"As a reward for helping to defeat the Titans, but then somehow I figured you knew that. You know, I can't stop thinking about what Piper said and wondering myself if this wasn't part of your plan all along. Take good care of them, Chris. Don't forget, I'll be watching over you," _he threatened. Yeah Leo threatened someone. Wow.

TV Leo orbs out and as the orbs leave, Chris waves his hand and the white orbs explode into nothing. He looks around and gets up. He walks inside and closes the door with telekinesis in such a Prue manner.

* * *

**I finally finished it! YES! Now you guys can review and tell me what ya think. I will explain why I didn't update in one word. Lazy. I was lazy. Plus other complications that I'm just to lazy to write. As you can see I'm extremely lazy. **_**NOW**_** that were on season 6 you guys can stop your moaning. But I have to get this out there. We will eventually move on from season 6. Oh and I'm thinking about kicking Cole out and bringing Penny in. I love Penny. She's so darn funny. Oh and lastly about Chris bashing Aphrodite I don't believe that. She's not a vindictive slut. She's my favorite goddess. Ooooh lets do a survey! Who's your favorite God/Goddess. Tell me in a review.**

**Oh and sorry for leaving it here. Their reactions wil be next chapter. I will update as soon as I can. **

**Love ya guys! Don't forget to review. Hopefully it'll work this time...**


	14. Chapter 14

**I am content with the reviews I got. I'm surrpised some of you still read this story with the long ass updates. That my friend is loyalty and detication. You guys freaking rock! Soooooo 2 people suggested an episode. They both suggested Chris Crossed. As you can probably guess that's what they'll be watching. Lastly or almost lastly I don't hate Prue. But come on! You gotta admit she was a little bitchy in some episodes. Plus it wasn't me who said that! It was Cole. Everyone knows that Cole didn't have the best relatonship with Prue or Paige...Now on to what you have all been waiting for.**

**This story was beta'd by **_Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell._

**I stilllllllllll don't own Charmed. I thought you people would have gotten that by now. Geez!**

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Several things happened at once. Cole laughed, Piper screamed, Phoebe sighed and went to go get a vanquishing potion, Paige orbed crystals around Chris, and Leo started jumping up and down shouting 'Yes!'.

Chris, stupidly, poked the cage and got shocked. "Ow!"

"I was right! I was right! I was right! You were wrong and I was right," Leo sang and danced around the room. He grabbed the potion from Phoebe's hand - seeing as she returned - and kicked a crystal out of the way. He raised the vial smiling happily. Piper rolled her eyes and froze Leo. She took the vial from his hand and put it on the table.

"Chris, honey, why don't you just explain why you did it?" Phoebe suggested.

He mumbled something incoherent. "What?" Paige asked while smirking. To her and Cole this was just the funniest thing on the planet.

"I said, I needed Leo out of the way to make room for your Whitelighter. I knew Leo would be suspicious and would follow me around so I asked the Valkyries to watch him. Also, among other reasons that I don't have to share," Chris said.

He was blushing slightly. It was embarrassing. Sending off Leo to Valhalla just might save his life some day. No, it _will_ save his life some day. Chris didn't want to admit that he still cared for Leo. No! He didn't care for Leo! He was an arrogant bastard and he hated him! Total lie.

_**"Oh come on! Admit it kid. You still love your Dad!"**_ Cole thought while snickering. Chris glared. Flexing his hand but knowing that he couldn't blow him up. Damn!

Leo unfroze and threw his arm towards Chris. He smiled waiting for the screaming and smoke but nothing happened. He turned and saw the potion was on the table he walked over to get it, well more like skipped, but Piper froze him mid step.

"Okay, I'm just gonna go for it. Why is he skipping?" Phoebe asked.

"That's not important! What's important is that Chris lied to us! I mean, sure, I forgive him, but I know you guys don't and definitely not Leo," Piper said.

"I forgive him," Paige said and Phoebe nodded in agreement.

"Ah, what the hell! I forgive him too. I understand why he did it. So now all we need to do is get that potion away from Leo," Cole said.

"Easy," Paige rolled her eyes. She got up took the vial and orbed it down in the underworld inside a demon's stomach. She then orbed rope from somewhere and tied it around Leo's wrist tightly. Paige pushed Leo on the floor and bound him to the table. "Let's see him get out of that."

Cole sighed. "As fun as this is, which is very little, I have to go," he got up and the sisters just stared at him shocked.

"Wait!" Chris shouted. He got a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. He punched Cole in the arm. "That's for well everything," he then slipped him the paper.

Cole read it and smiled. "Thanks, kid," he shimmered out.

"He still has his powers?" Paige broke the awkward silence.

"Yeah," Leo answered. Wait when did he unfreeze? "Why am I tied to this table and why is Chris still alive?" He asked. They all just ignored him though.

Phoebe sighed sadly. "I miss Cole," Paige was about to respond, but Phoebe cut her off. "Not like that, surprisingly. I miss him like a friend."

"You'll see him again," Chris said without thinking.

"Nice to know," Piper smiled. White orbs formed in the middle of the room. Everyone stared, confused. When the orbs cleared they all stared shocked.

Paige, once again, broke the silence. "Holy shit!"

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**I decided that I want to leave it here for the chapter. Now **_**next**_** chapter you'll see who it is and then they'll watch Chris Crossed. : )**

**Don't forget to review. I **_**love**_** feedback.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sooo, I hope you guys are really pissed at me for leaving it there last chapter. I don't think I've ever done a cliff hanger before. I understand why people do it now! You feel so deliciously evil. Buuuut I hope you guys like it. I also hope it wasn't to long of a wait. Review and tell me what you want them to watch next.**

_**Thanks to my beta Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell**_

**Disclaimer: How stupid is it that we have to do this every f-ing chapter? I don't own Charmed. God that's so annoying!**

**Oh and I in no way encourage drugs. You'll understand further on.

* * *

**

"Holy shit!" Chris choked out right after his aunt. The white orbs formed into a young woman. Long straight black hair and green eyes. She had on jeans and a black lacy tank top.

She was extremely amused. "I thought he'd never leave. No literally. I thought he was going to stay here. That would have sucked," she said casually. She then plopped down on the couch and looked at Leo. She raised her eye brow at Piper and then shrugged.

"P-Prue! What are you doing here?" Piper demanded, while running over and giving her sister a hug.

"Grams was being…well Grams and I had to get away," she explained with difficulty seeing as Phoebe was now squeezing the 'life' out of her.

Paige pulled Phoebe away and hesitantly hugged her big sister. "It's uh nice to meet you," she said nervously.

Prue laughed. "It's nice to meet you too," and she meant it. She's wanted to talk to Paige many time but those damn Elders.

"Prue, it's nice to see you again," Leo greeted. "I would hug you but, yeah," he motioned towards the rope. Prue laughed and squinted her eyes and the rope flew off. "Thanks," Leo gave Prue a brief hug.

They all stared at Chris waiting for him to say something other than: "this wasn't how it was supposed to happen" or "holy shit!".

"Chris, aren't you going to say something?" Piper urged.

"Oh uh. H-h-ey P-p-p-pru-" He couldn't even form a coherent sentence. He swallowed thickly and began again. "I can't believe you're here! This isn't supposed to happen! You aren't supposed to meet until 6 years from now!" he panicked.

"Okay. That's well weird. I don't want to know how you know that. But for now how about we start with a hello," she suggested with a smile.

He laughed and cleared his throat in embarrassment. "I'm Chris. I'm from the future."

"We've never got one from the future before. What's it like there? Do I have any little nephews and nieces running around? What are you anyway? You have to be a witch seeing as you came to the past," she rambled.

"Uh...future consequences. I can't say anything about the future because it might change it in ways we don't want," Chris explained. "Oh and I'm a witch lighter. Half witch half white lighter."

"It get's annoying after a while. It's always future consequences or can't tell you. What's annoying the most is though when he just smirks," Paige growled.

"We missed a lot. I told Andy we should watch them more! He was just like 'it's disrespectful'. Also there was the fact that we were busy," she thought out loud. Not noticing she said that out loud she looked up at them and continued. "So what were you guys doing before that? I only glanced down and saw Cole."

Piper smiled. She still couldn't believe this! Her sister was back! Yes! She got up and handed the remote off to Paige. Paige chose something randomly. She picked Chris-Crossed. Leo -seeing Prue often- wasn't really phased by her being here. So he was the only one noticing the title.

"The title sounds a bit suspicious," he told them. They all ignored him staring at Prue. Well, the sisters were staring at Prue and Chris was mumbling "won't end well" over and over. That kid was way too paranoid.

Chris looked up and laughed. Phoebe's thoughts were invading his mind. _**"I wonder if she's actually real. Maybe she's a hologram. Would she mind if I poked her? Wait, I hugged her earlier and I didn't fall through. Maybe this is all a really convincing dream. How do I wake up though? Oh wait! I'll pinch myself!"**_ She proceeded to pinch herself muttering a quiet ow.

"Guys, stop ogling me. The shows on," Prue informed. The girls sighed sadly and turned to watch it. TV Piper and TV Phoebe were sitting at the bar in P3 talking. TV Paige walks up to them and sits down.

_"Paige, where you been? You're late_," TV Piper asked.

_"I know, I'm sorry, I got tied up," she_ explained while sitting down.  
_  
"Where? At Richard's?"_ TV Phoebe taunted. She pulled a playful face.  
_  
"No. I was at work. Get your mind out of the gutter, missy."_

_"Hey, you're the one who orbs home to find lingerie_," TV Phoebe defended. She started to laugh.

"Who's Richard...?" Paige trailed off.

"Wait no! The important question is what the hell is this?" Prue demanded.

"It's a show...about us...from another dimension..," Piper explained.

"Uh huh, okay," Prue nodded her head in understanding. "Why are you watching it and how did you get it?"

"We were bored. Paige decided to go get a movie. She was gone a long time and she explained that she went to another dimension," Phoebe said nervously. She waited for the yelling to start. Seeing these shows reminded how uptight Prue was about magic. Surprisingly the yelling never came.

"Interesting, and uh why are Chris and Leo here?"

"It's not like I wanted to be!" They both protested at the same time. Chris glared at Leo. How dare he say something simultaneously with him!

"The elders made me," Leo said.

"Piper's forcing me to stay," Chris muttered.

"But this is obviously from the future! This is dangerous. You have to stop watching...now!" Prue yelled. Phoebe sighed. Here's the up tightness.

"If we weren't supposed to be watching this the elders would have made us stop," Leo told her gently. Prue being a very stubborn Halliwell was about to argue but decided against it. No need to start a fight when she just got here.  
_  
"-Okay, what about you, missy? Spill it," TV_ Phoebe urged.  
_  
"Spill what?"_ Piper asked dumbly.

_"Come on, you and Greg. Put out any fires lately?"_ TV Phoebe asked with a twinkle in her eye.

_"Is that supposed to be a subtle fireman reference?"_ TV Piper questioned, purposely not answering the  
question.

_"Yeah, you like it?"_

_"Wait a minute, you're going out with a fire fighter?"_ TV Paige asked.

_"Proof positive, you haven't been around much_," TV Piper pointed out.

"Wait!" Paige shouted. "Why the hell am I spending all this time with Richard? Oh gosh! I'm turning into Phoebe!" she wailed.

Prue stared at her and then at the TV and then at Leo. He seemed like the only rational one here. Well, I guess not seeing as he was glaring at Chris heavily and Chris was laughing. Phoebe was pouting and Piper was staring at Prue. It was a little unnerving. "Uh, does this always happen? Do you always not watch the show and make comments that make you miss like the entire scene?"

"Yeah," Chris answered. "It seems like you're starting to be a part of it."

"What's that suppose to mean Paige?" Phoebe questioned after she was done with the pouting.

"You were always too busy with Cole to hang out with us," Paige explained. "And now it seems I'm too busy with this Richard. That sucks!"

Chris silently agreed. He hated Richard too. The bastard went on Wyatt's side. _**"Why did I come down here? They've all gone crazy!"**_ Prue thought. Chris laughed. Prue looked at him and decided not to question. _**"He's one of the crazy ones," **_he just shook his head and laughed harder.

TV Phoebe laughs and TV Chris walks up to them.

_"What are you guys talking about?"_ he asked curiously.

_"Stuff," TV_ Phoebe answered. He starts to walk away.  
_  
"Hey, where are you going?"_ TV Paige asked.

_"I gotta go work on the next demon,"_ he said. Then he remembered they were in a public place and continued quickly._"-stration."_

_"Chris, why don't you relax and come have a drink with us?"_ TV Phoebe suggested.  
_  
"Thanks, but I didn't come here to relax," he_ declined. He then walked away.

_"That is one bitchy White lighter," TV_ Phoebe sighed out.

"I am not!" Chris protested. Leo and the current Charmed Ones just rolled their eyes in response. Prue looked confused. Chris didn't seem that bad to her why would they call him bitchy? Sure, he didn't want a drink, but he looked under age.

TV Chris walks in to his current bedroom (back room of P3) and turns on the light. A girl about Chris's age is there. He closes the door.

_"Bianca," he_ whispered, shocked. He walks over to her. _"I don't understand. What are you doing here?"_

"Shh, there'll be time to explain later. But for now..," she said seductively. Bianca runs her finger down his chest. She reaches into his chest and starts draining his powers. Just then TV Piper walks in.

_"You know, all work and no-hey!"_ Bianca pulls her hand out of his chest and creates an energy ball. TV Piper blows her up. TV Chris drops to the floor in pain. _"Are you okay?"_ she asks concerned.

_"Yeah, I think so," he_ said.  
_  
"What happened? Who is she?"_ TV Piper questioned.

_"I don't know," _he lied. In the alley of P3 a small tornado appears and forms into Bianca. She looks back at P3 and then shimmers out.

"Why'd you lie?" Piper demanded. Chris didn't answer. He just stared at the TV in shock.

"Helloooo? Chris? Piper asked you a question," Paige tried to get his attention. He still just stared.

Prue rolled her eyes. "This is how you do it," she got up and kicked him in the knee and then returned to her seat.

"Ow! What the hell!" he shouted. She smirked in triumph and motioned for somebody to continue.

"Why did you lie Chris?" Phoebe asked.

Chris sighed and rubbed his eyes. Seeing Bianca made him sad. He missed her. "You'll see," he grumbled.

The Charmed Ones, Leo, and Chris were in the attic talking about who or what Bianca might be. _"She's gone. Piper blew her away, what's the big deal?" _TV Chris asked.

_"The big deal is someone tried to kill you, Chris," _TV Phoebe replied.

_"Look at me, not a scratch, nothing."_

"But she stuffed her arm through your chest. How can you not have a scratch on you?" Prue demanded.

Chris rolled his eyes. He lied or will lie...and now he had to tell the truth 'cause it's Prue. You can't lie to Prue. It just turns into a big scary, complicated, scary, scary mess. "I technically don't have a scratch on me. Just a big giant hole in my chest," he chuckled like this happens every day. Oh, it's normal to have a gaping bloody hole in your chest. Well, maybe for time traveling paranoid 23 year old pain in the asses.

"Sooo you lied," Prue concluded.

"Well not really lied so much as danced around the truth," he said nervously.

"What a load of crap," Prue said bluntly.

TV Chris takes a step and the floor boards squeak. _"We really ought to fix that, you know."_  
_  
"Come on, Chris, who's after you?"_ TV Leo asked he looked seriously concerned, shocker.

_"Has it crossed your mind that maybe she wasn't after me? Maybe she was trying to get to them_," he replied irritated. He stated.

_"It kind of makes sense," TV_ Paige agreed.

_"Finally, somebody's listening. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some work to take care of." _After saying that, Chris left quickly.

"Why were or are you in such a hurry Chris," Leo asked suspiciously. "There's way more than your letting on about the girl."

"Bianca! Her name is Bianca!" Chris shouted. Then swallowed nervously. That was a stupid thing to say. "I mean that's none of your business," he scoffed.

"What is she to you Chris?" Paige asked.

"Nothing! She's nothing. Just some random d-d-e-mon," he felt like a hypocrite saying that.

"Liar!" Phoebe shouted. "I don't need to be an Empath to know that. That scene in your 'room' was so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. I mean the pain in both of your eyes it's so..," she trailed off dreamily. "Are you okay, Pheebs?" Prue asked.

Phoebe snapped out of it and stared at her sister sheepishly. "Sorry."

"_Wait, you're just gonna let them go?"_ TV Leo protested.

"_What do you want me to say? They have lives too. Besides what more can we do?"_ TV Piper retorted.

"_We can try to figure out who the demon is and make sure nobody else is after him."_ The doorbell rings. "_I'll get it. You just keep checking on the book, okay?"_

"_No, Leo, really, I'd rather you..," TV_ Piper was cut off by Leo orbing out to open the door.

"_Can I help you?"_ TV Leo questioned.

The guy checks the address to see if he has the right house. "_Uh, yeah, is Piper home?" _

"_Uh, who's asking?"_ TV Leo said suspiciously.

"_I'm Greg, she's expecting me," TV_ Piper walks in with her coat on and carrying her purse.

"Whoa," Prue complemented. "He is one fine-"

Paige cut her off. "One fine piece of ass." Leo and Chris looked extremely uncomfortable.

"You can say that again," Piper said while staring at the TV.

"One fine piece of-" Phoebe started and Piper swatted her.

"Not literally!"

"Piper, honey, we just got back together and you're already staring at men," Leo stated the obvious.

Piper snorted. "Like you don't do it too."

"I don't stare at men!" Leo shouted.

"Liar," Paige commented.

"I meant women," Piper corrected.

"Liar," Paige repeated. The TV screen cuts to Chris in the bathroom. He was holding his shirt open , staring in the mirror. A bloody hole was in his chest. He sighed sadly and redid the buttons of his shirt. He pulled a ring out of his pocket and stared at it intently. The scene changes to future San Francisco . A flying car passed in the sky and the view changed to Bianca and Chris sitting at a bench.

"There's no flying cars," Chris muttered while crossing his arms. The city on the TV looked completely unrealistic.

On the TV, Chris slips the ring on Bianca's finger.

"_Will you marry me?"_

"_You're asking me now?"_ she asked.

"_Mm-hm."_

"_Here?"_

"_This is still our spot, Bianca. No matter what he's done to it. Marry me."_

"_On one condition. You come back to me, safely_," she requested.

"_Have I ever let you down before?"_ he asked. They kiss and a fluttering noise is heard.

"_What's that?"_ she asked after breaking off the kiss. A metal flying thing comes up to it. It looks like a fish. The object tries to scan Bianca and Chris quickly uses his telekinesis on it.

"Awe!" Phoebe squealed loudly. "That was so romantic! Way better than how Leo proposed to Piper. He proposed in the bathroom. Yeah that's romantic."

"You're engaged?" Paige asked, shocked.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Is it so hard to believe that I have a life in the future?"

"Yes," Paige answered.

"YOU'RE ENGAGED!" Piper exploded. "But you're just a baby. You shouldn't be engaged. That's not right!"

Prue tilted her head in confusion. "Why do you care so much, Piper?"

"Because he's my son! Why would I _not_ care!" Piper demanded. Chris cursed and hoped they just missed that.

"Your son? What?" Phoebe asked.

"What do you mean?" Paige questioned.

"I mean were so close that he's like a son to me," Piper stuttered.

Prue narrowed her eyes. She looked at Piper and then Chris. She could see the similarities, both the physical and personal.

Leo being in serious denial agreed. "Yeah they're just close," Chris scoffed and rolled his eyes.

On the TV Paige is at Richard's house and is just waking up in his bedroom.

"_Morning." _Richard greeted while setting down the tray. TV Paige sits up.

"_Wow," she_ exclaimed.

"_Wow. One of the most powerful witches in the world and all you can say is wow," he_ joked.

"_I don't know, maybe I just need a little more inspiration," she_ replied. They then kiss.

"_Well?"_ Richard urges.

"_I, um, still think wow pretty much covers it. You'd better be careful because a girl could get used to this."_

"_That's the plan. Did you tell your sisters you were moving out?" _The silence told him the answer. "_No," he_ whispered.

"_Look, it just, it hasn't really been the right time. Things have been a little funky and..," she_ struggled to get it out.

"_There's never a right time," he_ said.

"_You don't understand. Piper will probably blow a major gasket and then we've got family obligations and like it or not, we're stronger together."_

Prue stared confused. "Why aren't you jumping on that deal? He's cute."

Again Paige struggled with an answer so Piper filled in. "If I know my sister, then she probably thinks the relationship isn't going to go anywhere."

"Yeah," Paige agreed.

"But he's so cute!" She protested.

"I stick to my statement," Paige said stubbornly. Technically, it wasn't _her_ statement, but whatever.

"_What would you say if I told you whoever attacked Chris was called a Phoenix?"_ TV Leo asked. Chris rolled his eyes. It seems that Leo didn't change much in the near future. Suspicious douche.

"_Well, I would say what's a Phoenix and then you'd probably tell me," TV_ Paige replied sarcastically

"_They're a family of assassin witches who are very elite, very powerful and who were born with a distinct birthmark symbolizing the rise from Salem's ashes." _

"_Well, does the book say what they want?"_ she asked. TV Leo pushed the book towards her.

"_Just whatever bounty they're after, which in this case is Chris. Which means they're still after him. They won't stop until they succeed."_

"Wait! Do you actually care?" Chris asked incredulously.

"NO!" Leo denied. He then sighed. "Yes. But don't take that as me thinking your innocent!"

Chris sighed. "Wouldn't dream of it."

TV Piper walks in. "_Hey. Talking about me?"_

They were caught in the act. Thankfully Leo was a good liar and people ask where Chris gets his lying skills from. "_Morning, hi, no," he_ said awkwardly while handing Wyatt over to TV Piper. I take that back about him being a good liar. "_Uh, listen, Wyatt's been fed and I'm gonna get some coffee and Paige'll fill you in," he_ then leaves the room.

"_What's going on?"_ she asked her younger sister.

"_Oh, Leo just found out that a coven of assassin witches called the Phoenix are after Chris."_

"_So that's what you guys were talking about?" _TV Piper asked skeptically.

"_Yeah... in the beginning and then I just kind of asked him if you maybe came home with anybody," she_ said nervously.

"_I see."_

"_Did you? Oh, come on, if a girl can't ask that what can a girl ask?"_

"_Actually, uh, no," TV_ Piper admitted.

"Don't you think that's kind of personal?" Prue asked even though she would have asked the same thing.

"No," Paige replied. "She's my sister. _Nothing's_ personal."

"But-" Prue was cut off by Phoebe.

"You see, Paige is very straight forward. You would know if you looked down at some point," she glared at Prue when she finished.

Prue looked down sheepishly. She suddenly had an idea. "It was Andy's fault!" she knew that her husband – yes _husband_ – was probably cursing her right now.

"How?" Piper asked.

"Andy doesn't like me looking down, ever," she sort of lied. He let her look down just didn't like her looking down. Plus, the fact that he always kept her, um, busy.

"Liar." they all declared together. She stared at them. How did they _do _that? It was kind of creepy. They looked at each other uncomfortably.

On the screen, TV Piper and TV Paige are standing outside an apartment door. The door opens and a woman with short blond hair is staring at them.

"_Hi, how's it going?"_ TV Piper asked casually.

"_Can I help you?"_ the woman asked.

"_Hopefully," TV_ Piper replied.

"_Yeah, see, we just moved in from outer state and we wanted to get to know our neighbors," TV_ Paige lied with a cheery voice.

"_Oh, well, welcome. Where did you move from?" _The woman asked a little suspicious

"_Phoenix!" _Piper said happily.

"_Really. Please, come in, come in."_

"_Thank you," TV_ Paige said. They walk into the apartment. The woman closes the door and locks it.

"_Wow, nice place," TV_ Piper complemented

"_Yeah, real nice." _Agreed TV Paige.

"_Thank you."_ A little girl of about 5 runs in.

"_Mommy, mommy, mommy, can I play with...?" _

"_Bianca, sweetie, can you give mommy a minute, okay?"_ her Mother interrupted her. TV Paige and Piper see the Phoenix birthmark on her wrist.

"_Okay," _little Bianca turns around.

"_Go and play with your toys. I'll be right in, okay?"_ the Woman suggested.

"_Okay," she_ agreed and then ran off to her room.

"Awe Bianca's so cute," Chris and Phoebe cooed. They all shushed them. Chris rolled his eyes and Phoebe grumbled. They all continued to watch the TV, Phoebe's grumbles being ignored.

TV Chris orbs in slowly and sits down on a bench. Bianca walks out from behind a statue.

"_You really shouldn't try to orb anymore, you know. It could kill you," she_ stated casually.

"_Is that what you want?"_ he asked bitterly.

"_If that's what I wanted you'd already be dead," she_ laughed. "_All I want is to bring you back."_

"_How'd you know I'd be here?"_

"_Same reason you'd know I'd be waiting here. This is still our spot, isn't it?"_ She asked.

"_No. This is what we hoped it would be. This is what we were trying to preserve for our future. Do you remember?"_

"_We were naive to think we could change anything, to stop him," she_ told him.

"_You don't believe that. Or at least you didn't," TV_ Chris said sadly.

"_Well, I do now," she_ informed.

"_What happened to you, Bianca? How did he turn you back?"_ he asked.

"_That's not important. What is important is I was interrupted in stripping you of your powers. And if I don't finish what I started, you'll die soon. Think of it as an infection, and I'm the only one with the antidote," she_ said.

"_Here or there, I am dead anyway," Chris_ stated painfully.

"_No. He gave me his word he wouldn't hurt you. Please, Chris, don't make this any harder than it has to be,"_ Bianca begged. Chris just looked at her and orbed out. She grabs the orbs trying to stop him. She missed him.

"Whoa. Someone's a little bitchy," Prue commented.

"Don't call her that!" Chris snapped angrily.

"Why are you so defensive?" Leo asked.

"She's my fiancée. What do you expect?" he retorted while trying not to smack Prue.

"You must really care about her," Piper stated reluctantly. She didn't want her son to be dating a girl that would hurt him but it seems like he really cared for her.

Chris looked uncomfortable. He didn't like admitting his feelings. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he tried to pass it off but they all saw through it.

In the living room of the manor, the Charmed Ones and Leo our all around Chris who is passed out on the couch.

"_Oh my god, what is that?" _TV Phoebe asked. They're were looking at that bit giant hole in his chest.

"_I don't know," TV_ Leo replied.

"_It doesn't matter, just heal him," TV_ Piper snapped. TV Leo being whipped started to heal Chris.

"_Why didn't he tell us about that?"_ TV Paige asked.

"_Why doesn't he tell us about a lot of things?"_ Piper retorted. TV Leo frowns. "_What's the problem?"_ She asked him.

"_He's not healing. Something's draining his powers and blocking mine. It's like a virus," he_ replied making the same comparison as Bianca. Somebody in the Charmed scripting cast doesn't have much originality.

"_A virus named Bianca," Piper_ grumbled.

"_You think she did this?" _Phoebe asked.

"_It's gotta be."_

"_Yeah, but it doesn't explain why she would come back from the future just to kill him," Paige_ put in.

"_Well, somebody had to have sent her, she's a hired gun," TV_ Piper said.

"_Well, we have to find her to save him. Figure out what she did…" she_ trails off 'cause she senses something. She kneels down in front of Chris. "_Whoa."_

"_What is it?"_ TV Leo asked.

"_Oh my god, he loves her."_

"Dramatic," Prue commented.

"It would have been funny if they just put a commercial right here," Paige said.

"Why?" Chris asked. He was confused because it actually wouldn't be that funny.

" 'Cause then people would say 'Oh my god he loves who?' and then when it came back and said who he loved they'd be all like 'Oh, I'm stupid.'" Paige said while smiling widely.

"Are you high?" Chris asked.

"NO!" she shouted. "Well, maybe a little. But just a very tiny little bit," she said while stretching her arms out really wide to show how little. She looked at her arms and laughed. "Ooops I meant this," she then moved her arms an inch closer. "Why are you guys moving so much?" she then fell making her lay on the floor. "The floor tastes like cotton candy!" she laughed.

Piper rolled her eyes and pulled her dopey sister up. How'd she even get the drugs? She was here the whole time.

"Why are you guys sparkling? It's like you're a fairy or a vampire or something!" Paige exclaimed while touching Piper's face to see if the 'sparkles' rubbed off. "Although you'd have to be a pretty gay vampire to sparkle. 'Oh my god, I'm so scared! You sparkle! What are you going to do you me? Attack me with your stupid sparkle-sp-sparkles?" Paige started to crack up laughing and fell on the floor. She started licking the ground while giggling.

"Is this how she always acts when she's high?" Prue asked.

"Yeah," Piper answered. "_**I just hope it isn't how **_**I **_**act," **__she_ thought while trying to remember the last time. It was last week but she can't remember anything, to blurry. She did know that she woke up in the front yard. The neighbors kept looking at her weirdly too.

"_**She better share," **__Leo_ thought unhappily. Why didn't Paige tell him she had the stuff? That's what they usually do.

In Bianca's Mom's apartment, older Bianca walks over to a cupboard and starts searching through it. Her Mother shimmers in.

"_Who are you and what do you want?"_ the blond woman demanded.

"_Where's the Grimoire?" _

The woman creates an energy ball. "_One more time. Who are you?"_

"_Who do you think I am?" _she holds up her wrist to show the birthmark. "_Mother."_

"_Bianca." _the energy ball disappears.

"_In the flesh. Now where's the Grimoire? I have to get the Charmed Ones off my tail fast, I need a spell to do it."_

"_I don't understand. How is this possible?"_

"_Look, I don't have time for reunions, okay? And I'm not about to make the same mistake a thousand other demons have made. Now where's the damn book!"_ the woman waves her hand and the Grimoire appears on a table. "_Thanks," she_ picks it up. "_Do you know where the inhibitions spell is?"_

"_How is that gonna help?"_

"_Look, I know the Charmed Ones, I studied their history. This is when they all want their separate lives. If I can release their inhibitions, maybe I can get them to pursue them."_

"_The spell won't last long," he_r Mother informed.

"_It doesn't have to. Just long enough to distract them so I can get what I came for," she_ rips a page out of the book. "_Got it. Thanks."_

"What?" Prue shouted. "That...d-demon! How could she cast a spell on you guys?"

Chris sighed. This was not the best first impression of Bianca.

"Whoa! Why is the house decorated in candy?" Paige demanded well tried to demand. She started laughing. "I'm starving!" she crawled over to the table and started to tap her finger on the leg. She thought it was ice cream and licked her finger and then repeated the process. "Mmm, vanilla!"

"What kind of stuff did she smoke?" Phoebe asked. Piper and her husband or whatever-he-is both mentally yelled at her for not sharing.

Chris decided to ignore his parents and aunt. "It's not her fault. It's Wyatt's!" Apparently he wasn't too old to play the blaming game.

"That's nice. Blame it on the sweet little angel. Where is he anyway?" Prue asked.

"Oh, he got annoyed of us not paying attention to him and orbed over to Darryl's," Leo answered distractedly.

"Why aren't you paying attention the the little guy?"

"Hellooo. Were busy," Phoebe answered while motioning to the TV. "Fine. Why don't you go get Wyatt?"

"Fine! I will!" Prue said. She white orbed out and returned quickly with the wrong kid.

"Prue, that's Darryl's son," Chris told her.

"Damn it!" she orbed out again. After a couple minutes she returned with Wyatt. "Darryl fainted when he saw me. The second time I came he was just waking up. He jumped up and hit his head and passed out again." After that weird story she sat down and started to play with Wyatt while he giggled.

"_I'm gonna move into Richard's house," TV_ Paige declared out of the blue.

"_Are you? Good for you," TV_ Piper congratulated.

"_That's a great idea. And I think I'm gonna go check out what's going on in Hong Kong," TV_ Phoebe informed.

"_Cool," TV_ Paige said.

"_Hang on a second, this isn't you guys. You must be under some kind of spell, you have to fight this," TV_ Leo ordered.

"_How can you fight your heart?" _TV Phoebe asked.

"_Or your hormones," TV_ Piper continued.

Chris gagged. "Gross!" Prue looked at him weirdly. Wyatt hit her to claim her attention back.

"_Yeah," TV_ Paige agreed.

"_Will you drop me off on the way to Richard's?" _TV Phoebe asked.

"_I would love to!"_ The witchlighter replied.

"_Paige, Phoebe, listen to me," TV_ Leo ordered. TV Phoebe replied with something in Chinese. Then she orbed out with Paige.

"For once, you couldn't have listened to Leo?" Chris demanded.

"No," they all answered.

"He's so naggy. Kinda like you Chris," Phoebe compared.

"I do not nag, I order around," he denied.

"You nag," Piper confirmed.

"Uh!"

On the TV, Bianca and Chris are walking into a really dark creepy future attic.

_"What do I tell them?"_ TV Chris asked.

_"Don't tell them anything. Just stick to your cover story. The less they know about the future the better,"_ Bianca replied.

_"Well, what if they find out who I really am?"_

_"They won't. Not as long as you can pass yourself off as their White lighter."_

_"And you're sure I won't lose my powers when I go back?"_

_"Not with this spell. That's why we need it. Look, just remember, protect baby Wyatt and you protect the Charmed Ones. Keep them alive for our future."_

_"Great. No pressure there," TV_ Chris said sarcastically.

_"Chris, you know you're the only one who can do this. You're the only one who can save us."_

_"If I make it back," he_ grumbled.

_"Baby, you have to make it back if you wanna marry me."_ They kiss.

"You really know how to motivate a guy, you know that?" he said and then they walked over to the holographic Book.

"Why is it holographic?" Prue asked angrily. Nobody ruined her Book and got away with it!

"Wyatt," Chris answered while staring at the TV, bored. He already knew what happened. "He turned the manor into a museum and he was smart enough to take the Book. It could have gotten stolen."

_"You sure you can summon the real __Book__?"_ She asked skeptically

_"Yeah."_

_"Away from him?"_

_"Yeah, but we won't have much time once it gets here. His demons will be all over us."_

_"I won't need much time. Just long enough to send you back to them," she_ said. Bianca goes over to a wall and starts drawing on it with chalk.

Leo quirked an eyebrow. "How'd you even get back to the past? You're just a Whitelighter. You wouldn't have that much power."

"Things are different in the future," Chris said while crossing his arms.

"That's doesn't answer my question."

"I'm half witch remember?" Chris asked irritated.

"So you have more power than a regular Whitelighter, maybe. But you still have to have _a lot _of power. The only family I'm aware of with that much power is the Halliwells."

Chris coughed uncomfortably. "I had special permission from the Elders," he lied.

Leo, Paige, and Phoebe being very thick headed didn't want to even consider Chris their family so they accepted his excuse. The reason why is 'cause they were so mean to him or will be mean to him you know what I mean.

On the TV, Piper just left for her date and Leo's standing in the living room next to Chris. Bianca shimmers in and kicks Leo in the head, knocking him out.

"_Come on, we're going home," she_ told the unconscious Chris. She shimmers out with him.

"Damn it!" Piper cursed. "She got you. You better fix us Leo or I am going to blow you up into next week!" she threatened.

"Um, are you really going to?" Leo gulped.

"No!" she laughed. Then her face turned serious. "Of course I'm serious!" Leo gulped and crossed his fingers.

Paige giggled. "I bet if you blew him up he'd explode into chocolate. I am so hungry!" she shouted and orbed to the kitchen. She orbed back in munching on uncooked spaghetti.

In an apartment Bianca is finishing the stripping of Chris' powers.

"_Just let me finish what I started. You'll feel better soon, I promise. That's it. Easy does it," she_ pulls her hand out of his chest. "_Slow breaths."_

"_What'd you do to me?" _TV Chris demanded.

"_I just saved your life," she_ snapped.

"_By taking away my powers?"_ Bianca walks over to a wall and pulls off a picture frame. She then starts drawing on the wall with chalk. "_How are you gonna bring me back, anyway? That spell's a one-way door. It only goes backwards in time."_

"_He created a new spell because of you. One that works both ways," she_ answered.

"_I'm touched," he_ replied sarcastically

"_You should be. He's gone to a lot of trouble to get you back."_

"_Yeah, I see that."_

"_You know, you don't have to believe me, Chris, but this really is for the best," _Bianca told him.

"_Oh, really? How's that?"_

"_Because this is your only chance to live. If I fail, he'll just keep sending more assassins back and all they'll have to bring home is a body."_

"_Doesn't matter. There's nothing left in the future anymore, anyway," he_ puts the engagement ring on the table. She looks away, pained.

"Ugh! Chris!" Phoebe shouted. "Why'd you gotta do that? Sure it makes the story more dramatic, but she looks so _sad_."

"I haven't done it yet!" Chris protested.

"Exactly: _yet_!"

"Trust me, it's not gonna happen," he said darkly. "I'll make sure of it," he _so_ wanted to kick his brother's ass right now. When Chris and Bianca are about to leave the Charmed Ones orb in.

"_Hey, future girl," TV_ Piper called.

TV Piper throws a potion towards Bianca. Bianca throws a dagger and smashes the bottle in mid-air. Bianca shimmers out. TV Piper freezes the dagger. Bianca shimmers back in beside TV Piper, grabs the dagger and holds it against her throat.

"_You were saying?" _Bianca asked rhetorically.

"_Wow, she is good," TV_ Phoebe commented. TV Paige moves towards Piper.

"_Uh-uh. I can kill her in half the time it takes you to even think about it."_

"_Yeah, we still have enough potion to vanquish you," TV_ Paige threatened.

"_Maybe. But then you really will have to hope the power of two will do. Won't you, Paige? You'd be surprised what's in the history books. Now put the vials down slowly."_

"_Bianca, don't. Let her go and I promise I'll go with you," TV_ Chris said.

"_Chris, what are you doing?"_ TV Paige demanded.

"Better than a soap opera," Phoebe said.

"_If you kill her, there won't be a future for either one of us to go back to and you know it," TV_ Chris reminded her.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Leo asked.

Chris rolled his eyes and prepared himself for another lie. "Without Piper there would be no Charmed Ones. Without the Charmed Ones the world would go to hell. They wouldn't be saving the world every day. At one point, a demon would take over."

Leo glared at him. "Liar."

"How would you know?" He demanded.

"J-just because," he stuttered.

Prue was suspicious also. She had a feeling that Chris was family and there was more to that simple sentence he would say.

Piper glared at him. "_**Didn't I ever teach you not to lie."**_

Chris smirked. "_**Of course you did I just didn't listen."**_

"_**Truth, now!"**_

Chris sighed. "Since Wyatt took over, I formed a resistance against Wyatt. Piper saves me in the future. So without the resistance, then Wyatt would have made the world his personal playground. The point of this is that if the resistance never formed then Wyatt would have done worse to the world," he sorta lied. He wasn't just gonna go out and say that Piper was his Mother. He glared at Piper. "Happy?"

"Very," Piper replied.

On the TV, Bianca and Chris have you come out of the portal to the future. 6 demons are there.

"_Welcome home, Chris,"_ a voice greets. The demons part and a man is standing in the dark. He moves into light.

"_Hello, Wyatt," TV_ Chris replied.

Chris rolled his eyes Wyatt was always the one for dramatics.

"That's Wyatt?" Prue asked. They all nodded except Paige she was still eating the spaghetti. "B-b-ut what happened? He's so cute, but there his hair is shouting for conditioner!"

"You just see evil Wyatt and all you can worry about is that he has bad hair!" Piper said incredulously.

She looked guilty. "But look at his hair! All of the demons we encountered had good hair. His is just so tangled and gross. I mean, the least he could do it run a comb through it!"

Phoebe looked thoughtful. "Chris's hair was good when he came back at least Wyatt could make some effort. I mean c'mon, he's the freaking Source he could at least try."

Piper rolled her eyes. "You guys are unbelievable."

"All we're saying is-" Prue started.

"Don't want to hear it!"

On the TV, the sisters and TV Leo were talking about ways to save Chris.

Leo steps on the squeaky floorboard. "_Leo," Piper_ said.

"_What?" _He asked.

_"Fix the floorboard," TV_ Phoebe continued.

"_Maybe he was trying to tell us something," TV_ Paige said, catching on quickly.

"_Who, what?"_ He asked confused.

"_Maybe that's where Bianca was taking him. To the attic in the future," TV_ Piper mused.

"_But that would still be there in the future, wouldn't it?" _TV Phoebe asked.

"_Yeah, unless we fixed it," TV_ Paige answered.

"_Or used it to send him something, something that he needed," TV_ Piper said.

"_Like what?" _TV Phoebe asked.

"_His powers," TV_ Paige answered.

"How?" Phoebe asked.

"Spell," Paige answered. The wonderfulness of the drugs was starting to go away. Paige was left with a fogginess of what happened and an empty box of spaghetti.

"You feelin' better Paige?" Piper asked.

"Yeah, just whoa," she said.

Leo glared at her. "Why didn't you share?" he demanded.

"Because it was _mine,_" she answered. Weirdly nobody knew what they were talking about.

"We had a deal," he shouted.

"And we said that if one was gone then we wouldn't share," she explained.

"I was right here!"

"So! It was mine," she cried out stubbornly

"The pact is _so _off," Leo declared.

"Good. I don't wanna share."

They glared at each other for a minute. "I'm sorry," Leo broke the silence. "Pact back on?" Leo asked.

Paige sighed. "Yeah," she spit on her hand and held it out.

"_**This is so unsanitary! Gross! Just do it. Stop acting like a girl!"**_ Leo thought. He unwillingly spit on his hand and was about to shake her hand when she laughed.

"I was just kidding! I can't believe you were about to do that!" he glared again and wiped his hand on his jeans.

They all stared at the two like they were crazy. They decided to ignore that weird conversation and continue to watch the TV.

"_You know if anyone else tried what you tried, I'd kill them on the spot. But you... I've forgiven Bianca, I can forgive you too. If you promise never cross me again,"_ Wyatt compromised.

"_I think you know me better than that," TV_ Chris stated.

"_I thought you said you could talk some sense into him,"_ Wyatt said to Bianca.

TV Chris tried to protect Bianca. "_Leave her out of this," he_ ordered. Wyatt raises his arm and Chris starts choking. Sooo Star Wars.

"_Pardon me?" _he asked in his fake accent. Wyatt flicks his hand and TV Chris flies across the room.

"Why are you so special?" Leo asked. "Why did _you _come back and save Wyatt? Why did Wyatt decide not to kill you?" he asked.

Chris scoffed. "Maybe we're just good friends," Leo stared at him with a raised eyebrow. Chris groaned. "I have a fiancé remember?"

"That doesn't mean much," Chris just rolled his eyes.

"_You promised you wouldn't hurt him,"_ Bianca shouted.

"_You promised you'd turn him. Just like I turned you, or at least I thought I had," he_ replied. Bianca runs over to Chris.

"_Chris, please, I didn't bring you here to die," she_ said while crying.

"_Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." _Wyatt steps on the squeaky floorboard. "_I think," Chris_ runs towards Wyatt and Wyatt grabs him and throws him across the room.

"_Have you lost your mind?" _he demanded. Wyatt levitates Chris into the air. "_I don't need you," he_ creates an energy ball. Bianca runs behind Wyatt and reaches into his back. Chris drops to the floor.

"_Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast. I can't hold him for long," she_ said, winded. Chris races over to the squeaky floorboard and pulls it up. He gets out the spell.

_"Powers of witches rise, come to me across the skies, return my magic, give me back, all those taken from the attack,"_ a blue light washes over Chris. Wyatt turns around and kicks Bianca. She lands on a broken table leg. "_No!"_ Chris waves his arm and Wyatt is thrown across the room. Chris rushes to Bianca's side. "_Bianca. No, no, no, no."_

"_Haven't we been here before?"_ she whispered painfully.

"_Maybe we will be again," he_ replied with a slight smile, tears streaking down his face.

"_Maybe," she_ whispered.

"_No." _

Bianca hands her engagement ring back to Chris. "_If you can finish what we started..."_ Wyatt groans. "_Hurry. Take the spell so he can't send anyone else. Go," Chris_ runs over to the Book of Shadows. Wyatt gets up.

_"Hear these words, hear the rhyme, heed the hope within my mind..."_ Wyatt throws an energy ball towards Chris and he ducks. "_Send me back to where I'll find, what I wish in place and time,"_ the portal opens and Chris runs into it.

Chris stared at the screen in pain. He couldn't believe that would happen. He would make sure it didn't. All he has to do is kill the threat to Wyatt and he's good.

"Chris?" Phoebe asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he choked out. "I will be."

"On the bright side it hasn't happened yet," Paige said trying to cheer him up.

"I know, thanks Paige," he laughed at looked at her. He kept repeating over and over that it didn't happen yet in his head.

Piper gave Chris a much needed hug.

All of a sudden Prue groaned. "All right! Damn it! I'm coming! They can't do anything yet! They don't know I'm here! They do? Oh shit!" Prue talked to the ceiling or more likely Andy who's 'up there'. She looked at them apologetically. "Sorry guys, I gotta go," she gave them all a quick hug, set Wyatt down in Piper's lap, and orbed out.

They're eyes flickered over to the TV. The sisters were talking about Phoebe and Paige moving out.

"Let's just change it," Paige said. They all nodded in agreement.


	16. Chapter 16

**PLEASE READ!**

**Okay so as you all should probably know schools starting sooon, on the 8th. Sooo I want you guys to make a list of what you want them to watch (season 6 or 7) and the ones most said I will write. It's much simpler that way with school starting and all. I think it'll help with faster updates.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or any characters, bah blah blah.**

**This story was beta'd by **_Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell_

**Enjoy!

* * *

**Leo took the remote this time and chose a random episode with a really weird name. "Legend of the Sleepy Halliwell" started on the screen.

TV Wyatt is sitting in the corner of the room all by himself in a day care center, 'cause he's all emo like that. TV Piper is standing near a woman in the room.

"_All I'm saying is that you're way behind with little Wyatt. You really should have applied before this." _The woman said.

"_Yeah, well, you know, he's not even a year old yet."_ TV Piper said.

"_So? I had my Jake signed up for "Mommy and Me" when I was still pregnant with him."_ She informed.

"_Really? You can do that?" _TV Piper asked, surprised.

"_Oh, absolutely. In fact, I'm surprised that they let you sign up this late because everybody wants to get in here because it gets you into Adlebery pre-school which is a feeder for Hoskins Elementary, and Bentley Middle School."_

"Uh!" Piper scoffed. "What a bitch!" She shouted while jumping up from the couch. Wyatt falls off her lap and glares at her. "I am an awesome mother. She's just prattling on how I could do so much better." She glowered. "I would never do anything bad to Wyatt."

Wyatt scoffed or as much as a baby could scoff and hit his mother's leg to get her attention.

"Oh crap!" Piper exclaimed. This didn't help her awesome mother theory. She bent down and picked Wyatt up. "Oh, I'm sorry baby. This isn't helping my awesome Mom case is it?" She asked her son, but they all answered "no" while Paige snorted.

Wyatt not trusting her orbed over to his Aunt Phoebe. Phoebe was too lovey-dovey to accidentally drop her nephew. She cooed Wyatt when he orbed in her arms. She really needs to get knocked up.

On the screen Wyatt is sitting at the bottom of the stairs and a door appears on the wall. Just then Paige, Phoebe, and Piper orb in.

"_You cannot keep doing this, sweetie, really." _TV Piper told TV Wyatt. TV Phoebe picks TV Wyatt up.

TV Paige notices the door. "_Oh, guys?"_ She said.

"_Oh, what the... Oh, this is not good." _TV Phoebe panicked.

"_Help!" _A dude's voice yelled.

"_Orb him out of here. Go." _TV Piper ordered. TV Phoebe hands Wyatt to TV Paige and she orbs out. The door opens and a bald man with glasses and wearing a black robe walks out.

"_Oh, thank god you're home." _He says in relief. Suddenly, the headless horseman appears behind the man and slices off his head with a long sword. The door slams shut.

"_What the hell was that?" _TV Piper asked. They see the man's head on the stairs.

"_That was the headless horseman." _The guy said.

"That's actually real?" Paige asked.

"Very." Leo answered. "Though usually it's locked up. The only way it could have gotten out is if someone conjured it. You'd have to be very powerful to do that though." He mused.

"Who would summon him...it?" Phoebe asked.

"The Elders!" Piper seethed. "Those annoying bastards!"

"W-well no." Leo stuttered, praying the Elders weren't watching like they usually do.

"But it makes sense." Chris contradicted. "They have enough power. Each individually could have summoned it." Chris suddenly got really suspicious and his eyes flicked to the ceiling and then to Wyatt.

"Yeah!" Paige agreed. "He's right. It's just like the Elders to annoy the hell out of us."

"Paige," Leo pleaded. "It's _really _not their fault." His voice then changed to a whisper. "I could get fired if you don't shut up!"

"Really?" Chris asked. Leo nodded in confirmation. Chris opened his mouth to yell and Leo tackled him to floor. Leo orbed duct tape to seal Chris's mouth. He decided against it and just hit Chris in the head with it.

Piper rolled her eyes. "Morons." She grabbed Leo and Chris by the ear and pulled them apart.

"Ow!" Chris complained.

At the same time Leo said: "Piper!"

Phoebe and Paige winced and chose not to get involved. Their ears were sore for days.

"_Sorry, I didn't know where else to put it, it's the only way in or out of the school, I had to reach you somehow."_ The man apologized.

"_Do you have a name?"_ TV Phoebe asked.

"_Sigmund. But I'm afraid we don't have much time for pleasantries. I really need to get you back before he strikes again."_ he answered.

"_The headless horseman."_ TV Piper stated.

"_Right."_ Sigmund confirmed.

"_Fabulous"_ she retorted sarcastically. Just then TV Paige and Leo orb in. "_Where's Wyatt?"_ she asked.

"_He's upstairs in his room. I thought I should bring Le... Oh my god, and apparently I was right." _TV Paige said.

"_Leo! Oh, so good to see you again." _Sigmund exclaimed.

"_Sigmund, what happened?" _he asked.

"_Wait, you guys know each other?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_Gideon sent me for your help, all your help."_ Sigmund answered.

"Who's Gideon?" Paige asked.

"He's my mentor." Leo stated proudly.

Chris remembered him. He was a teacher at Magic School. He _loved _Chris when his was enrolled. For some odd reason though he hated Wyatt. As lame as it may sound, he was actually out to get Wyatt. He was in the Resistance. Wyatt killed him a year ago though.

"He's an ass." Chris stated casually with a smirk

"He is not!" Leo protested.

"Gideon is very suspicious too." He added.

"How so?" Piper asked.

"Well, when I talked to him he was very curious about Wyatt." Chris explained.

"How is that suspicious?" Paige asked.

"Yeah. He's just concerned." Phoebe agreed.

Chris rolled his eyes. "You guys dismiss things too quickly. You need to read in between the lines."

"_Okay, you know what? I think we should help the magic school, because we can't just keep that head on our foyer table, you know? What is it, a centre-piece?" _TV Phoebe said.

"_Okay, fine,"_ TV Piper agreed. "_but we can't take Wyatt, sorry."_

"_All right, I'll get Chris to watch him." _TV Leo said.

"_What? After everything he's done? No, I don't think so." _TV Piper declined.

"_He was just trying to protect Wyatt."_ TV Leo protested.

"_Oh, please." _TV Paige scoffed.

"_Look, I think his intentions are good. He deserves another chance." _TV Leo said.

Chris was hurt and touched at the same time. He was hurt that his Mother would say that but touched that Leo defended him. It was surprising actually. His Father was an ass in the future and in the past he was well an ass just not as much. If he was telling the truth though – which he wasn't – Leo was just suspicious and protecting his family.

"Thanks Leo." Chris said uncomfortably.

"You're welcome." Leo said in the same tone.

"_So how are we gonna find this dude Gideon, anyway?"_ TV Paige asked while her eyes scanned the Magic School hall in interest.

"_He's not a dude. He's an Elder, my old mentor, actually."_ TV Leo corrected.

"_Really? You've never mentioned him before."_ TV Piper said.

"_We met a long time ago when I first became a Whitelighter. He helped me out, took me under his wing. He actually fought for us to get married, to break the rules."_ He explained.

"_Really?" _TV Piper asked skeptically. A wolf appears behind them. TV Phoebe looks around.

"_Okay, I don't want to freak anybody out but there is a wolf following us." _TV Phoebe stated.

"_What?" _TV Paige asked, alarmed. They look behind them and see nothing.

"Drugs aren't good, Phoebe." Paige stated. "They cause hallucinations."

Phoebe scoffed. "Like _you're_ one to talk."

"But that's not the point here, Phoebe!" Paige said.

"It is completely the point!" Phoebe bit back at her.

"No, the point is-" Paige started

"That you're a hypocrite." Phoebe cut in.

Paige glared and continued on."Do as I say not as I do."

"NO! The point is, is that you should have shared." Leo corrected.

"I wasn't on anything!" Phoebe fell back exasperatedly.

"Of course you weren't on anything." Paige agreed." You're clearly fully clothed and Jason's nowhere in sight. Get you head out of the gutter."

"I could say the same for you." Piper put in.

"I think you're confusing anything with anyone." Chris informed.

"Same thing." Paige dismissed.

"No it's-" Piper cut him off.

"Just leave it."

"But-" She glared at him and he shut up.

On the TV, that Piper glared everyone into watching, the Charmed Ones, Leo, and Sigmund walked in a gigantic room that had really creepy doors for an entrance.

"_Leo, good, thanks for coming. Although I do wish it was under better circumstances." _Gideon said which was odd since he was invisible.

"_Gideon." _Leo acknowledged.

"And _the Charmed Ones. Lovely to see you again. Although you probably don't remember meeting me, you were just little girls." _Gideon continued in that wicked awesome British accent.

"_Leo."_ Piper called. She handed him Sigmund's head.

"_Gideon, I believe your invisibility shield is still up." _Leo pointed out.

Gideon becomes visible as he pulls off his hood. "_I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted with everything that's been going on around here." _he explained.

"_Yes, we heard."_ Piper said. Leo put Sigmund's head on a table.

"_Sigmund, oh, I'm so sorry."_ Gideon whispered sadly.

"_It's alright, sir. It didn't stop me from delivering the message now, did it?" _Sigmund replied proudly.

"Why is he so proud of that? He got our attention by getting beheaded!" Piper asked.

"No, no. I think the important question is why does it look like we just walked into a Harry Potter movie?" Paige retorted.

"Sigmund likes to impress Gideon. And it's offensive to compare Magic School to Harry Potter." Leo stated. Piper nodded in thanks while Paige looked confused.

"It's true." Chris confirmed. "Like this one time in-"

Phoebe cut him off. "Band camp?" she cracked up at her lame attempts at a joke.

Chris rolled his eyes. "No, back in the future-"

This time Paige cut him off. "Like the movie?"

"That's 'back to the future'." Leo corrected.

"Will you guys let me finish! Once Wyatt was talking to his friends in Magic School and he said 'you might as well put a scar on my forehead and call me Harry Potter to be in this place' and a teacher over heard and he got suspended. Yeah, it was awesome." he concluded.

"He got suspended for that?" Piper asked incredulously. "Oh I am _so_ calling the school and giving them a piece of my mind." She got up to go get the phone but Leo stopped her.

"Honey it's in the future. You can't do anything."

"Oh we'll see about that!" Piper got up and grabbed the phone. She paused. "What's their number?"

"I don't know but I'm pretty sure you can't get it from the operator." Phoebe retorted.

Piper glared at her. She plopped down on the couch glowering angrily. "Well in ten years they are so getting an angry Mother's foot in their ass."

"_So what you're saying is somebody's trying to shut down the school by cutting off teacher's heads." _Paige asked.

"_What else would it be? What better way for evil to gain an upper hand than to fought the next generation?" _Gideon said.

"_Isn't it as simple as finding who conjured the horseman and reversing the magic?"_ Piper questioned.

"Yes_, except that no student possesses that level of magic, at least they're not supposed to. That's why I believe that a demon from the outside has somehow corrupted one of them into doing his bidding." _He answered.

"_It was the Elders!"_ Piper cried out. "_The Elders corrupted a child into conjuring the headless horseman."_

"_So you find the student, you find the evil, right?" _Paige asked.

"_True, except you find much more than that here, Paige. The answers you each seek can be found within these grounds. You merely have to be open to them. Teaching will help you find the student in question, but it will also remind you of what you fear you have lost. Investigating our nursery school will help you with your worries over Wyatt." _He answered. Gideon turned to Phoebe. "_And if you follow the wolf, she will lead you where you want to go, but be careful. The deeper you look, the more you will discover and the better chance you will have of saving all this."_

"Who the hell does he think he is? Yoda?" Paige asked angrily. "Well he isn't! 'Cause Yoda is to cool!"

"You, a fan of Star Wars, Paige?" Leo asked while snickering.

"Yeah, didn't know you were such a geek!" Chris added. Leo and Chris started cracking up laughing. Phoebe smiled and laughed quietly. Piper hit the one she was closest to, Leo.

"Ow!" He complained.

"Well, don't pick on her." Piper sounded extremely defensive, too defensive.

"Wait! Are you a fan of Star Wars too?" Phoebe asked.

Piper glared. "No!"

Phoebe laughed. "Oh my god, you are!"

Paige squealed which was very weird of her. "What's your favorite part? I love when Darth Vader is like "Luke, I am your Father." It's _so_ awesome!"

"I love that part too! I've only watched it about 20 times!" Piper yelled.

Chris grimaced. "How can you watch that movie? The special effects in it are horrible! I remember W- I mean, my brother, made me watch it once. I don't understand how he could like it. It was almost as bad as E.T."

"E.T. was an awesome movie!" Phoebe glared. "So, you mister, can take your unwanted opinions and shove them up your a—"

"All right, all right." Leo interrupted. "I think we should stop right there."

"Why 'cause she was about to say a—" Leo cut Paige off too.

"Now, now, Paige. No need for that fowl language."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Are we never allowed to swear then?"

"Well, not never, just not in front of me."

"Wow, you are laying this Elder crap on thick." Piper commented.

"God, I know." Leo sighed.

On the TV, Phoebe was creeping down a hallway.

"_Here wolfy, wolfy, wolfy, wolfy. Come on. I know you're here somewhere. Here wolfy, wolfy, wolfy, wolfy." _The wolf appears and growls. "_Oh, hi, hi, sweet wolfy. Okay, you don't have to attack me because Gideon sent me." _The wolf runs off. "_Where are you going?" _She chases after it.

The TV cuts to a cave. A small fire burns in the center of the cave.

"_Come on."_ she tried to coach the scary dog. The wolf stands beside the fire and bursts into flames and turns into a woman. "_Neat trick, can you shape shift into the headless horseman as well?" _

"_I'm a shaman, not a shape shifter. The wolf is merely a projection of your quest, a symbol."_ She explained.

"_Fascinating. You didn't answer my question." _Phoebe replied suspiciously.

"_Do you really think I lured you out here just to kill you, Phoebe? You have the power of premonition, but it's unreliable. Especially lately. I can help you see your future more clearly. If you're willing to take the risk."_ She explained.

"That girl's suspicious." Phoebe commented.

"Yeah odd," Paige agreed.

Leo shook his head. "No, she's good."

"How would you know?" Piper demanded.

"Because I've met her."

"Oh!" Piper exclaimed jealousy seeping in her tone. "You met her! And why, may I ask, have you met her?"

"She's 15 Piper!"

"So? You're like 80." Chris pointed out.

"Not helping." Paige snapped. Chris held up his hands in surrender.

"Yeah Leo. Why were you hanging out with that little sk—?"

"Piper," Leo cut off. She glared at him. "Fine! I met her when she was like 10 and we occasionally bump into each other."

"Was she physically ten?"

"Yes Piper!" Leo said exasperatedly. Piper grunted and crossed her arms to continue pouting.

On the TV a teacher walks into a nursery returning to the conversation she was having with Piper and Leo.

"_Sorry, a little emergency. Go ahead. Now, where were we?"_ she asked.

"_You were telling us about your near miss with the headless..."_ Piper reminded.

"_Shh."_ The teacher interrupted. "_Don't want to scare the little ones. They may have powers but they're still innocent."_

"_How'd you get away?"_ Leo asked.

"_I astral projected. Confused him, I guess, by creating two of me, thank god."_

"_Um, are you suggesting that one of these kids might be..."_ Piper trailed off.

"_Involved? Oh, dear, no, no, never."_

"_Why would you be a target?"_ Leo asked.

"_These children are the cradle of good magic, its entire future. Without proper guidance, nurturing, they can easily be turned."_ She answered.

"_Evil?"_ Piper asked.

"_Yeah."_

"Better enroll Wyatt now." Chris smirked. Wyatt glared at him and chucked a toy at his head. "Ow!" It was Wyatt's time to smirk.

Leo raised his fist. "Why you son of a b—"

"I swear to god Leo, if you finish that sentence I am going to blast you to oblivion." Piper threatened. Leo smartly shut up, knowing Piper's threats weren't hollow.

A smile crept up on Leo's face. "That's kinda hot. Say it again."

Piper glared. She smacked him on the arm which definitely didn't help. "Later." She whispered. Leo smiled in victory.

Sadly they all heard her. Paige grimaced, Chris smiled, Phoebe oddly smiled also, and Wyatt he pretended to not know what was going on.

On the TV Piper just got her head chopped off and they were setting her on a cabinet.

"_Ow. Easy, easy. Ow, easy, watch the hair." _Piper complained.

"Yeah! It's my trademark." She shouted while flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"How do you get it like that?" Paige asked while looking at her hair and noticing how bland it looked next to Piper's shiny locks.

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out."

"Pantene." Leo whispered behind her back. Unfortunately Piper heard him.

"Leo!" Piper fumed. "You are _so_ not getting any later."

"Damn." He cursed.

"_Actually, I feel a little woozy." _Piper answered Phoebe.

"_Well, maybe it's because we have you up to high. Are you sure you don't want me to move you down lower?"_ Leo asked.

"_No_ _I don't Wyatt to see me like this, he will freak out."_ She replied.

"Mama's got no body." Wyatt giggled.

"I do to!" Piper exclaimed while looking at her relatively flat stomach. She glanced at the TV. "Oh," she said. "I mean honey I'm fine, see?"

"Headwess horseman make Mama go skkkt." Wyatt said while dragging a finger across his throat.

"What are you teaching this child?" Paige exclaimed.

"Uh," Piper's eyes were unfocused in a memory.

_Memory_

Piper's eyes tried to stay focus on her murder show. Her eye lids felt heavier and she started to fall asleep. Her loud obnoxious snoring woke her up a couple minutes later. She stared at the TV again and her eyes closed.

"_He literally stuffed the body in a garbage bag and dragged it-"_ The guy explained gruesomely while showing a skit.

Wyatt sat in his playpen with a look of fascination on his face. He orbed a zip lock baggie and put his voodoo doll of his Aunt Paige in the bag and dragged it across the play pen while giggling maniacally

_End_

"I didn't do anything!" she denied.

"Uh-huh." Paige said skeptically.

Wyatt giggled. His voice deepened and he said: "You're going to die in seven days."

"W-who's gay?" Chris asked.

"You're going to die in 7 days." He repeated.

"Oh! Awe, Wyatt's so cute. Look at him trying to impersonate The Ring. Nice try, honey." Phoebe cooed.

"_Or we can find the little child that conjured the horseman and vanquish it."_ Piper suggested.

"_You think that would reverse the spell_?" Leo asked.

"_I'm hoping_." Piper replied

"_Yeah, I keep getting this weird feeling that it's one of the students in my class." _Paige said.

"_Why?"_ Leo asked.

"Haven't you learned by now not to question our intuition." Paige said angrily. "We are always right!"

"Well what about that one time-"

"ALWAYS RIGHT!" Leo pursed his lips and didn't comment.

"_I think we should bring them here."_ Paige suggested.

"_What?"_ Piper asked incredulously.

"She said," Phoebe started.

"I heard what she said!"

"_No. I do not want Wyatt to have two headless parents. Send Chris."_ Piper commanded.

Chris pouted. "They always send me! Gosh you'd think I was their slave instead."

"Gosh don't exaggerate, Chris." Piper ordered.

"There she goes again."

"Oh, will you shush it!"

On the TV, Chris and a robed man are in Wyatt's. The robed man is standing over Wyatt's crib with a bright light pouring out of his hands. Paige and Leo walk into the room. The robed man shimmers out.

"Shit!" Chris cursed. He was _so_ in trouble.

"_What the hell is going on?"_ Leo demanded.

"_Wait, I can explain." _Chris exclaimed. Leo rushes over to Wyatt.

"_Are you okay, buddy?" _Leo asked, which was stupid since Wyatt couldn't answer.

"_What was he doing?"_ Paige demanded.

"_Nothing. I mean, nothing bad, I swear."_

"_Nothing bad? He's a demon." _She snapped.

"_But he wasn't hurting him, I promise. Wyatt's shield wasn't even up."_

"_I trusted you, I vouched for you."_ Leo said angrily.

Piper stared at Chris with a raised eyebrow, Phoebe was alternating between cooing Wyatt and sending questioning eyes at Chris, Paige smirked, and oddly Wyatt did too..., Leo glared.

"I can explain!" Chris repeated his future self.

"Well?" Piper urged.

"I was drunk!" He lied horribly.

"Oh!" Paige, Piper and Phoebe said in unison.

Wyatt gurgled. "_**Wiar!" **_Which freaked Chris out immensely.

Leo grunted in response.

Back in the cave Phoebe and the Shaman were arguing.

"_So if you're so innocent, why are you hiding out?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_I'm protecting myself." _She replied.

"_From what? You're a student. The bad guys are only after the teachers, right?"_

"_I'm not protecting my body, I'm protecting my powers. I sensed someone trying to invade mine, to use them for themselves."_ She answered.

"_How do I know you're telling the truth?"_

"_You're an empath, you tell me."_

"_I can't tell." _Phoebe admitted.

"_It's because you're conflicted, questioning your own magic, your very future. It's affecting your powers."_

"_I'm not questioning my future. Okay, maybe just a little bit. But how do you know that?"_

"_The wolf is a pack handle, but constantly searching for something she craves. " _She dips a cup into a pot and stands up. "_But cannot find. Seeing it means you're searching too. Drink this, take the vision quest. There you will find the answers we both seek."_

"_'m not drinking that." _Phoebe stated.

"_No? Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick."_ She pushed. Phoebe gives in and drinks from the cup.

"I don't like her." Phoebe pouted.

"Why because she's just as stubborn as you?" Paige asked with a smirk.

"Shush!" Piper snapped. Sadly they missed what happened. "Phoebe got her in the quest." she informed.

"_Ow!" _Phoebe looks at a cut on her shoulder. "_You didn't tell me I could get hurt on this vision quest."_

"_You didn't ask. The vision is of your future, Phoebe, it's no less real than anything else." _She replied.

"_And no less dangerous. Great. More demons in my future, it's exactly what I wanted."_ Phoebe snapped.

"_But are there anymore beyond the light? That's what you really wanna see, isn't it?"_ The shaman retorted. Just then Paige orbs in.

"_There you are, I've been looking all over for you, Pheebs." _Paige sees the cut on Phoebe's shoulder. "_Are you okay? What happened? The horseman?"_

"_No, uh, my inner demons, apparently."_

"_Well, it's good to see at least you have your head, unlike Piper."_

"_What?" _Phoebe asked in shock.

"_Yeah, the horseman got her. But, you know, she's doing pretty good considering the circumstances. A little grumpier than normal, but hey. Anyway, you really should get out of here before, you know, you get chopped."_

"_I think I should stay here."_

"_Why?"_

"Yeah, why?" Paige agreed...with herself.

"Because Phoebe's desperate to see her future." Chris answered. "I swear it get's annoying some times. Future this, future that."

"Oh like you're one to talk!" Phoebe snapped. "You're all about the future."

Chris rolled his eyes. "That's because I'm from the future. Which is the present for me so technically it's not the future."

Phoebe glared. "That's not fair."

Chris scoffed. "Life isn't fair, get over it."

On the TV in the manor Piper's head is still sitting on the cabinet and she hears a door open and voices.

"_What's that? Who is that?"_ Piper demands. Paige and her class walk out of the magic school door.

"_Don't worry, it's just me and some of the more unusual suspects." _Paige answered.

"_Wait, you think one of us is responsible?"_ Zach demanded.

"_What, you didn't know she thought that? What kind of telepath are you, anyway?" _Slick asked sarcastically. He pushes him.

"_Stop picking on me." _Zach whined.

"_Yeah? Or what?" _

"Gosh, why did Gideon give me this job again?" Paige complained.

"Because he's an evil douche bag." Chris answered nonchalantly. Leo glared at him.

"Oh!" Paige said like a light bulb just went off. "That's right.'

"He's not evil!" Leo exclaimed.

Paige hit him. "Yes he is."

"_Whoa, it's Piper Halliwell."_ A boy exclaimed at seeing Piper on the cabinet.

Piper smiled smugly. "Yeah, that's me!"

"_Yeah, but only part of her. And not the good part either."_ Slick retorted.

"_Slick." _Paige warned, knowing that even Piper with out a body would somehow figure out how to kick the boy's ass. Knowing her luck she'd probably sprout telekinesis.

"_Can it." _Piper ordered.

"_Okay, here's the deal, people. We know that one of you is behind this. So nobody is going to leave here until we figure out who it is. So far nobody has gotten killed." _Paige said.

"_Not yet, anyway." _Piper cut in.

"_So far this has just been a really stupid prank. So please, let's not let it go any further than that."_

"_Is Gideon gonna shut down the school?" _Zack asked.

"_Not unless he's forced to."_ Paige replied.

"_Why don't you start with the conjurer?"_ Quinton asked.

"_Me? What about you, Quinton? You're the Sleepy Hollow buff." _The conjurer asked.

"_Yeah, but Slick's the shape shifter."_ Zach blamed.

"_Hey, screw you, Zachary." _Slick said angrily.

"_Wait, you guys, just stop it."_ Paige yelled.

"I hate Gideon!" Paige exclaimed. "Make me babysit a bunch of annoying high school kids, with magic no less! The magic is the sprinkles to the sh-" She cut off looking at Leo. "Cup cake."

"I bet that cocky Slick did it." Piper mused.

"Nah," Chris started. "It was Zach."

"And how would you know?" Phoebe asked.

"Could you not see the guilt in his eyes when he asked if the school was going to be shut down?"

"No." Leo answered.

"It was so obvious."

"Only someone without a life could know that." Phoebe said.

"Yeah, dude you need to lighten up." Paige added.

"I do to have a life!" Chris shouted. "It's ju-just in the f-future."

Paige walks into the kitchen where Chris is. "_What are you doing here?" _she demanded.

"_I need your help."_ Chris admitted.

"_My help? That's rich with what you pulled. Listen, I have enough juvenile delinquents to take care of. Thanks." _She declined sarcastically. She turns to leave but Chris stops her.

"_Hey, please, just hear me out. I'm running out of time."_ He explained, knowing it would catch her attention.

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Exactly that. Don't you see that's the only reason why I went to the demon. He can scan for evil. And maybe figure out who's gonna turn Wyatt since we haven't been able to."_

"_Okay, you're not making any sense." _Paige pointed out.

"_Paige, listen to me." _Chris ordered. "_I need you to trust me. And I need you to get Piper and Leo to trust me too, before it's too late."_

"Not the smartest thing to say." Piper said.

"What, why? Chris asked.

Phoebe snorted. "It's obvious, isn't it?" Chris shook his head. As much Halliwell blood he had in him he still had Leo's dimwitted tenancies. "You sound evil!"

"No I don't!" Chris denied.

Paige laughed. "Dude, you _so_ do. You're trying to convince my future self to convince my sisters that you're not evil. That's exactly what an amateur demon would do."

Chris felt incredibly stupid. So of course his pride got in the way and he replied with, "I was drunk."

"You already used that excuse." Leo told him.

"Damn," He cursed under his breath. "What I meant was, I was drunk." He realized what he said and made a motion with his arms, a frustrated jerk, and grumbled something about the past sucking.

"Looks like someone's out of lies." Leo laughed.

Chris glared. His hand twitched. The thing with Leo is that whenever Chris was around him he had a sudden burst of anger. Instead of blowing up his Father, which oh so wanted to do, he oddly orbed a pan to his hand and hit Leo on the head effectively knocking him out. Chris smiled in satisfactory.

Piper stared at Leo and then Chris and then Leo and back again. "What the _hell_ Chris?"

"Oh don't worry he's fine. Actually that wouldn't knock out most people, Leo's just a sissy." Chris answered calmly.

As much as Paige loved Leo - like an annoying perfect brother of course – she couldn't help but laugh. Phoebe giggled quietly too, but then mentally slapped herself for being so insensitive.

Wyatt smiled and orbed paint to his hands. He unscrewed the lid – very impressive for a baby, not so impressive for a son of a Charmed One, nevertheless Piper cooed, and told him how cute he was. – and dipped his fingers in the red paint and spread it all over Leo's face.

He orbed a play kitchen knife ( Piper getting it for him as a gift saying "he _will_ learn how to cook". Wyatt was actually a horrible cook Chris getting the talented genes instead, however Wyatt had a fantastic anger problem, it would make his Mother proud) and pretended to stab Leo in the face saying in a deep creepy British voice "Die, witch, I mean Whitelighter, wait Elder!"

"_-You have to go after the horseman now."_ Gideon ordered in a panicked voice, seeing as the headless horseman did just walk out the front door of the manor, into the viewing eyes of the public.

"_By myself? No. I can't vanquish him." _Paige protested.

"_You don't have to. All you have to do is lead him back to the school, so that at least nobody will be killed. Don't make your concerns about Richard, make you question yourself. You can do this, I'll help you." _He assured. He takes her hand and they orb out. Slick starts to walk away.

Phoebe being the only one watching the TV (wanting to know what happens, thus proving Chris' obsessing over her future accusation) sees the headless horseman escaping. She gasps. "Oh fu-"

Somehow even in unconsciousness Leo manages to stop her swearing by saying a muffled, "shut up".

"What?" Paige asked.

"Headless horseman just left magic school." she explained.

"Oh shi-" Chris was cut off by Leo twitching his hand and an apple dropped on Chris' head. "Ow! Even when he's passed out he's annoying."

"What's the matter?" Piper asked. "The cleaners will do there thing. Plus the horseman couldn't hurt a mortal could he?"

"I-if he d-does Magic School will get shut down." Chris answered.

"So?" Paige asked. "I think the world could make do with out another school, hell I'll bet the world'll benefit from it."

"Uh, if Magic Schools shut down a lot of kids could go evil." Phoebe answered. Chris coughed "Wyatt" in the background and Phoebe sent him a withering glare. Wyatt chucked a glob of paint at his face.

Chris frowned and wiped his face. "Thanks, Wy. Just what I needed."

"Oooh, that's bad isn't it?" Paige said nervously in response to Phoebe's answer.

"_Next time I give you warts. " _Piper threatened Slick. The room freezes. "_Hey, who did that? Where did you come from?" _An arm reaches for Piper's head and grabs her by the hair. "_Hey, hey, ow. Paige!"_

By the time Paige, Leo and Gideon run in, Piper's head is gone.

"_Piper? Oh my god. Piper!" _Paige cried.

"_The door's still closed."_ Gideon observed.

"_The kids are frozen."_ Leo added.

"_Piper must have done it."_ Gideon said.

"_Without hands? I don't think so."_ Paige scoffed.

"I wish." Piper mumbled.

"_Someone from the outside?"_ Leo suggested.

"_That's impossible, we got here too fast. It has to be one of them." _

"_The students? No, they don't possess that kind of power. Besides, they're frozen."_ Gideon denied.

"_Then one of them is faking it."_ She replied. With that they studied then closely.

"Slick is faking!" Piper called out again.

Phoebe shook her head. "To obvious it's somebody you least expect. I bet it's that geeky kid who practically cried out in excitement when he walked in the Manor."

"It was Gideon!" Paige blamed. Anything to prove he's evil, huh Paige? "I mean what good guy would give kids to me, ME of all people."

"I think you're a great teacher, Paige." Phoebe admitted. Paige glared at her.

"I'm telling you guys it's Zach." Chris said exasperatedly.

Leo mumbled, "Quinton."

Wyatt glared at Leo. He continued painting Leo's face making him suspiciously look like a clown. And not the holy crap bad makeup day, I'm talking about rainbow Afro and everything.

"Everyone shut up!" Phoebe shrieked. "My vision quest is back on."

Phoebe drinks from the cup, _again_ and has a vision. In the vision she walks down the stairs of the manor. She sees a screen of light in the room. A demon throws a fireball and it flies straight through her. The demon dives for Phoebe but lands right through her. She walks towards the screen of light. Two more demons try to attack her, but she ignores them and they pass right through her. She steps into the screen of light and ends up in the conservatory. Two boys are there. One is playing with a Game Boy. Piper walks in.

"_Wyatt, let your little brother play with the game too, please." _Piper chided.

"_Little brother?" _Phoebe asked.

Paige walks in wearing a long black robe. "_Hey, Piper, can you take Phoebe to the doctor instead? I have so many papers to grade. Thank you."_ She leaves the room.

"_The doctor?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_Yeah, we need to make sure our little niece is doing okay." _Piper cooed. Phoebe looks down and notices his bloated stomach.

"_Aunt Phoebe? We need your help."_ The little dark haired boy said. The vision ends. Chris is there looking at Phoebe.

"_Phoebe, can you hear me? We need your help. Are you okay?" _Chris asked.

"_Uh, I don't know. Am I?" _Phoebe asked the Shaman.

"_You tell me. What'd you see?"_ She replied.

"_Uh, I saw children, and my child. And a life without demons. Is that even possible?" _Phoebe answered.

"_With your powers you know by now what is truth and what is not. Embrace those powers again, embrace your path and it will lead you there."_

"_You don't know how much you've given me."_

"_You should go. So you can use your powers to help save our school."_

Unfortunately Leo woke up a couple of minutes ago, nobody noticing because Phoebe forcing them to watch her vision, and he stared at the TV in shock. "I have another son?"

"Shit!" Chris cursed. Leo was to happy to correct him.

Leo itched his head and pulled the wig off staring at it with a questioning look, he dismissed it quickly. He picked up Wyatt and smiled happily. "Your gonna have another brother."

Wyatt glared at Chris, "_**I HATE YOU!" **_Now all the attention was going to be shifted. He would have to stop it somehow! He had a Family Guy moment, he would have to pull a Stewie, but with magic. "You shall not conceive!" Wyatt ordered but with a baby lisp. Nothing happened.

Chris laughed. "Nice try, Wy, nice try."

"Awe! Congratulations!" Phoebe said excitedly.

"Crap, now you have another baby to dump on me when you and Leo need time alone." Paige grumbled. She put on a happy smiled, "Congrats."

"Let's name her, Precilla." Phoebe suggested.

"And what if it's a boy?" Piper asked.

"Perry!" Paige exclaimed.

"No, Christopher after my Father." Leo corrected.

Piper laughed. "You only like Perry because you're obsessed with Scrubs."

Paige glared. "Perry is the best damn doctor on that show!"

"Christopher Perry." Phoebe mused. "I like it."

Of course the 2 younger sisters and Leo being oblivious didn't notice that that just happened to be Chris' name, they didn't even think for one second that he could possibly be related.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Morons."

Piper smiled sympathetically while patting his arm. Chris and Piper watched the TV hoping the baby news would blow over in a couple of minutes.

"_Well, if one of the students took her, I can't sense which one it is." _Gideon said to Piper being kidnapped.

"_Maybe I can. Thanks to your wolf. "_ Phoebe said. She walks over to the frozen kids. "_I can sense pain, and anger, a lot of anger, wants revenge. Do any of them hate the high school?"_

"_Honey, they're teenagers, they all hate the school." _Paige informed. She pointed to the conjurer. "_But he's a conjurer."_

"_No, it's not him."_ Phoebe turns to Zach. "_But who's this guy?"_

"_A telepath." _Paige answered.

"_Yeah, he's telepathing a whole lot of rage right now."_

Zach moves. "_Well, look who just solved the case." _He said in sarcastic congratulatory.

"_Zachary?" _Gideon asked in shock.

"_Surprise."_ He disappears.

"Yes!" Chris exclaimed. "I was right!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Phoebe dismissed. "I bet he'll look just like Prue."

Piper looked at Chris and noticed a single freckle right next to his nose. She poked it and he gave her a questioning look. "Yeah maybe some similarities." Piper agreed.

Paige just noticing the TV, cursed. She pulled out her wallet and gave Chris 5 bucks. "Last time I wager with Chris."

"We made a bet telepathically." Chris answered their unspoken thoughts.

"He's from the future, Paige. Didn't really think that one through, did ya?" Piper asked.

In Magic School Paige and Phoebe are walking into the library looking for Piper, her heads on the table but they don't notice her. The headless horseman appears and chops off Phoebe and Paige's heads. He disappears.

Zach walks in. on the TV. "_You made me do this, you know. I didn't have a choice."_

"_So, now what are you guys gonna do?" _Piper asked.

"I think he cut my hair!" Paige shouted. "That bitch!"

"How can he see us if he has no head?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, that's easy." Leo replied. "Imagination!"

Chris laughed. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Damn! I was up watching Spongebob with Wyatt all night."

"You went back up there last night." Paige reminded him.

"Okay so I watch Spongebob!"

"_Can we try looking on the bright side? I mean, you know, we're still alive."_ Paige said.

"_Yeah, only because Zachary can't kill us in here."_ Piper retorted.

"_I don't think he would if he could, I mean, he practically apologized to us."_

"_I think she's right, actually, I didn't sense any anger from him, just a lot of sorrow." _Phoebe agreed.

"_So what, he did this to us just to get us out of the way? To do what?"_ Piper demanded.

"_To get revenge on the school. " _Phoebe answered.

"_And Gideon."_ Paige added.

Paige glared at the TV, she hated teachers and her future self was no exception, even though it was a bit weird.

"Why do you hate teachers so much?" Phoebe asked.

"Besides the fact that they made my life a living hell?" Phoebe nodded. "Well a teacher drove the car that killed my parents."

Phoebe was hit with a wave of sadness, that combined with her own made her cry. "Awe! H-honey I'm," she paused to sniffle. "so sorry!"

"Then why are you a teacher in Phoebe's vision?" Piper asked.

"Who the hell knows!"

On the TV, Paige's form turns into Zach, yeah it's very creepy. "_After all, I came here for you." _He waves his arm and Gideon goes flying.

Leo winced. "That's gotta hurt."

"Power of three unite, to end this grisly fright, reverse the rolls and make us whole." The girls chanted as the headless horseman appeared. He then exploded making them whole again.

"Oh, thank god, it worked." Paige said in relief. Phoebe starts to pat her body. "You want me to get you a room?"

Piper walks in whistling to get their attention. "Let's go, let's go, let's go."

"Gosh, Phoebe." Paige smirked.

"What?" She asked.

"You were practically groping yourself in front of Paige." Chris explained.

"I was not!" Phoebe denied.

Piper laughed. "You so were." and Leo nodded his head in agreement.

Wyatt giggled, his face coated in red paint with black markings on it, he looked like Balthazar. "Yeah!"

Phoebe frowned, clearly not amused like the rest.

"_You scolding me now? You gonna give me a demerit? That wasn't supposed to happen. I just wasn't the sisters out of the way. The horseman's only supposed to hurt evil."_ Zach asked.

"_Evil? You think teachers are evil?" _Gideon asked.

"_They are when they keep me here against my wishes. They take me away from my family, my home, without even thinking about what I want."_

"_Why didn't you come to me?" _Gideon whispered.

"_I did, damn it! Every time I snuck out, every time I got in trouble. But you didn't care, you wouldn't listen."_ He yelled.

"_We're listening." _Paige called. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in. "_It's okay, we're not gonna hurt you."_

Paige watched the scene with disgust. "Gosh it's like an episode of Full House."

Leo frowned, clearly offended. "What's wrong with Full House?"

"The endings were all the same, annoyingly sappy. Some big problem would happen and then Danny would sit one of the daughters down and the _same_ some song they play _every_ time would start and he give her some big sappy speech, they'd hug, and then everything would be fine until the next episode." Paige grumbled.

"What was the point of that rant?" Chris asked.

"Full House sucks, and the end scene was just like it." Piper answered.

"Ah..."

At P3 the Charmed Ones were talking about their life and problems, when Chris walked by. Phoebe gets up and follows.

"_Hey."_ Phoebe greeted.

"_Hey. So did you come here to kick me out?" _he asked.

"_Uh, no, actually, I came here to ask you a question." _She admitted.

He shrugged his shoulders telling her to go on. "_What?"_

"_I need you to be honest with me. No games, no running away, just the truth."_

Chris cursed. "How about we just call it a night?"

Phoebe was transfixed on the TV. "It's 5 o clock."

He glared at her. He somehow needed to get rid of the DVD player. He was about to orb it into a volcano when Phoebe asked on the TV, "_Are you Wyatt's little brother?"_

Chris sighed only prayed that his future self would say no and haul ass.

"_Only if I can get Piper and Leo back together in time." _Chris answered truthfully.

Chris cursed once again and closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the lashing out.


	17. Chapter 17

Phoebe was the first to react. She jumped up and squealed. "I have another nephew! Oh I should start buying you presents! 'Cause that's what an Aunty does, she spoils her nieces and nephews. I see you wearing green."

Piper sighed. "Guess the secret's out."

Paige repeated what she said earlier. "Another annoying kid to watch over just great. It's probably going to be awkward now since I know him as an adult. Gross!"

Wyatt chucked a toy at Chris thinking, "_**'Cause that's what brothers do!"**_ Except in a hardly coherent baby lisp.

Leo glared, paranoid guilt buried deep in his eyes. And I'm talking deep, like Underworld deep, maybe purgatory deep. "Liar!"

Chris smiled bitterly, he expected this. "Yeah, that's why I look exactly like Piper, but with Paige's personality, and your green eyes."

Phoebe pouted. "What about me?"

"I got your compassion and maybe your wavy hair." He answered. She smiled brightly in response.

"Leo, he is our son. I can feel it in my heart, or maybe that's just heart burn. Whatever, that's beside the point. I know it Leo, and if you look at him you would know it too. Look!" Piper said gently.

Leo refused to look. "Come on, can we disprove this? I mean, seriously, Chris is in no way my son."

Phoebe pounced on him. She grabbed his head and forced him to look at Chris. However their attention was diverted. A list appeared on the coffee table in red and green sparkles. The paper was old fashioned, with fancy script, drool stains, and 2 check marks next to each listing.

Paige picked it up and scanned it quickly, "It's a list of episodes and it's signed Santa Clause...Okay whoever wrote this was clearly on crack!"

Chris grabbed the list and read it over. "Yeah, crack." he agreed. "I think we should watch these episodes, if that's what they are."

Phoebe pushed the menu button on the remote and Chris checked the list. Yep, all there,

Piper looked at the list next. "Specific."

_1. I dream of Phoebe_

_2. The Courtship of Wyatt's Father_

_3. Hyde_ _School_ _Reunion_

_4. Spin_ _City_

_5. It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World 1 & 2_

_6. Imaginary Friends_

_7. Extreme Makeover: World Edition_

Piper then remembered what they were talking about. "I swear to the Elders Leo-"

Paige scoffed. "I think you've done that enough."

"If you don't apologize to Chris and believe that he's your son, I'm gonna kick you in your soft spot so hard that you'll be singing soprano for a week."

Leo winced; he knew Piper would actually do it too. Last time he doubted her threats, he ended up with Wyatt's toy fire truck stuck up his ass. He winced again at the memory.

Piper smiled in satisfactory, he remembered what happened she had him whipped.

Paige cleared her throat. "We should probably start watching these episodes." They nodded in agreement. Wyatt gurgled his adorable little laugh and orbed the remote into his hand.

"Awe!" Phoebe cooed. "He is so cute."

Piper laughed and picked Wyatt up from the floor. "You want to choose the next episode, bud?"

Wyatt clapped his hands together awkwardly seeing as the remote was still in his grasp. He magically pushed the buttons of the remote-

"Personal gain!" Chris sang in the background.

And the option thingy chose Courtship of Wyatt's Father. Of course Wyatt would choose an episode with his name in it. The little Halliwell may be 11 months old but he still has the vain tendency to brag about himself, even as a baby he somehow managed it.

On the TV, Piper and Leo were in the hall seeing everyone out. It's Wyatt first birthday and the party just ended.

"_Here you go. Thanks for coming."_ Piper said.

"_Thanks for inviting us, it was a fun party. I still can't believe that Wyatt is one already." _A woman said.

"_Oh, I know, you can't." _Piper replied.

"_Nice to finally meet you, Leo." _A man said.

"_Yeah, you too."_ Leo replied.

"_You know, Frank and some of the other dads get the kids together on Saturdays if you're interested."_ The girl told him.

"_Uh, yeah. Thanks." _Leo replied a little hesitant.

"_Excellent."_ Frank said a little _too_ excited.

"_Bye." _The girl called.

"_I'll call you."_ Frank said. Phoebe giggled.

"What?" Piper asked.

Phoebe shook her head not wanting to say it, but it finally burst out. "Frank has the hots for Leo!" She giggled harder.

Paige chuckled and Piper cracked a smile. Chris smirked; Leo always attracted the gay ones, even in the future. He remembered how many guys asked him out, or at least what his Aunt Paige dished to him. Chris didn't notice that he accidentally sent the thoughts to Leo.

Leo laughed uneasily. "I don't attract gays."

Piper snorted. "Remember Dan?"

"Dan was gay?" Phoebe asked.

"He was _so_ gay. I mean who has hair that gelled when they're straight? He asked me to be his girlfriend so he could prove to everyone else that he could 'land somehow piece of _girl_ ass'. And I'm quoting!" Piper explained a bit miffed.

"So you led me to think you actually loved him? You bitch! You're turning into your Grandmother; she did the same exact thing to me..." He trailed off. "Oops."

The sisters shared a horrified look. "You hooked up with Grams!" Paige shouted, disbelieving.

"Uh...no." He looked away. The girls looked like they wanted to ask more, but were too disgusted to continue.

Now on the TV, Piper and Leo were talking about how Leo was such an ass to be an elder, nah not really. Piper was just complaining how Leo doesn't see Wyatt enough, which is practically the same thing.

_"Hey, you guys want anymore champagne? Come on, we don't want it to go to waste. How about It, dad?"_ Paige said as she walked in.

_"Elders aren't allowed to drink."_ Leo declined.

_"Oh, come on. When on earth you should do as earthlings do."_ Paige pushed.

_"Sorry."_

_"Not that I'm complaining or anything because you guys did such great work. But champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, oysters? Aren't the kids a little young for the aphrodisiacs?"_ Piper asked.

_"They're aphrodisiacs? Heh, who knew. Bubbly?"_

_"Paige."_ Piper warned.

"Uh, Paige, what the hell are you doing?" Phoebe asked.

Paige looked just as confused. "I have no clue, but whatever it is, I totally suck at it. Talk about crash and burn."

"Uh, does nobody get the obvious?" Chris asked. They shook their heads. "Aphrodisiacs! Paige is trying to seduce them!"

They all looked disgusted. "I didn't know you were into incest Paige...or threesomes..." He trailed off.

Piper looked flustered. "T-that is not what she's doing, right Paige?" She didn't answer. "Paige!"

Paige snapped out of the weird sex dream she had. "Oh, uh yeah, right...gross..." That was the weirdest most grotesque sex day dream she ever had. She wasn't it in per say. She was an innocent bystander who wasn't noticed. It was about Piper and Leo's nights out. How dare Chris put that sick twisted kinky dream in her head.

Chris snickered, he knew she would fall for it. Hey, it wasn't his fault! He remembered in the future, or would it be the past, that him and his Aunt would try to put gross images in each other's minds. Seeing as they both had telepathy in the future – Paige getting it from her Whitelighter side, a form of communication with her charges except she could communicate with anybody. Chris thought that they might as well start doing it again.

Wait...that didn't come out right...

Leo raised an eyebrow. "You okay, Paige?"

Her head snapped up, startled. "Y-yeah, why d-do you ask?"

"You're a bit out of it." Piper explained.

Paige's eyes flipped between Leo and Piper causing a shudder to run through her. "You guys are sick!" They looked at her confused but she just continued to rock back in forth, scarred for life.

On the TV Chris orbs in looking at them expectedly.

"_Hey. So how's it going?"_

"_Not so good."_ Paige answered.

"_What do you mean? What does she mean?"_ Chris demanded in a Piper like fashion.

"_We're running out of ideas."_ Phoebe informed.

"_Well, that's too bad because it has to happen today or I don't happen_." Chris exclaimed hysterically.

"_Wait, today?"_ Phoebe backtracked.

"_Yeah. I did the math. And if I'm not conceived by midnight_ _tonight, that's it. I won't be born, which means I won't be coming back from the future to warn you about Wyatt turning evil."_ He rambled.

"_Yeah, see that time travel thing. Ooh."_ Phoebe trailed of in confusion and irritation.

"_Hey, what about making a love potion and just, like, slipping it to them_." Chris suggested excitedly.

Phoebe stared at the TV in thought. She gasped as she suddenly grasped what they were doing. "Oh! I can't believe were doing that…"

Paige realized too what was happening. "Oh, that's kinda gross."

"What! What's gross?" Leo demanded and Piper agreed with a nod.

Chris bit his lip. "Yeah, I really don't get why I asked you guys of all people to help me…."

"Hello?" Piper asked.

Phoebe's head snapped up. "Oh, we're just helping Chris be conceived."

"What do you mean?" Leo questioned ever the oblivious.

Paige rolled her eyes. "We're getting you two laid!"

Phoebe scowled. "Can you not phrase it like that!"

"Like what?"

"Can you say something more like 'make love'?" She asked in a gentle dreamy tone.

"Can you not make everything you say into something romantic?" Paige retorted.

Phoebe glared. "When you're in love you'll understand!"

"So you're in love with a guy you don't end up with, big freaking deal." She said grumpily. Phoebe sighed, she was hopeless.

In the living room on the stairs, a darklighter is running down the stairs and Piper is trying to blow him up. Leo runs towards Wyatt who is sitting in the foyer.

"_Wyatt!"_ Leo yelled.

The darklighter disappears and reappears beside Wyatt. He points his crossbow at Leo and shoots. Leo orbs out and the arrow flies past Piper. Chris walks in and the arrow heads straight for him. Phoebe and Paige walk in and Phoebe pushes Chris out of the way of the arrow.

"_Arrow,"_ Paige called. The arrow orbs out and orbs back in the darklighter's chest. Leo orbs in and picks up Wyatt.

"_I got you, I got you."_ Leo cooed. The darklighter disappears. Piper walks over to Leo and Wyatt.

"_You're okay, you're okay."_ Piper assured.

"_Thanks for saving my life. Hope it wasn't for nothing."_ Chris said.

Piper held Wyatt tighter. "We won't let that happen to you. No we won't."

Wyatt internally scoffed. "_**You guys are worthless. Like you could protect me! Ha, that's laughable."**_

Chris rolled his eyes. That damn baby was too proud.

Leo nodded in agreement to what Piper said. "Of course we wouldn't let that happen to you. You're our only child, precious, not a chance in hell that a demon will get to you."

Paige scoffed. "That's why he's an evil douche bag right now."

Leo glared. "We _will_ protect him."

"I repeat evil douche bag."

"Wait," Phoebe backtracked. "What do you mean you're only child?"

"Exactly what I said," Leo bit.

Piper growled ready to pounce. Leo winced knowing she was going to kick him. She pulled Leo up by the ear.

"Hold him!" She barked. Paige and Phoebe sighed and held him tightly by the arm. Piper ran out to grab a pair of heals. She came back with a pair of pointy heals. She slipped one on. Why hasn't he orbed out yet? We'll never know.

"Wait!" Chris interrupted. "If you do that, I won't be born!"

Piper rolled her eyes. "I'm already pregnant."

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Duh, what do you think I was doing 'up there'? Yelling and sobbing?" Piper asked with a hand on her hip.

"And all Elders watched." Leo added while smiling smugly.

"So that means I'm part Elder?" Chris asked. Piper nodded. "Sweet!"

"Can I?" She trailed off.

"Oh, by all means." Chris waved his hand. He orbed a video camera and started filming it.

Leo winced in anticipation. Piper swung her leg and Leo yelped in pain.

"I didn't even kick you yet, ya big baby." Piper complained.

Leo laughed awkwardly. Piper pulled her leg back and swung. Her foot 'made the target' and effectively caused Leo to screech out in agony. He fell to the floor dramatically and gripped his crotch. "Ow…" he squeaked.

Piper smirked pulled off her heel and sat down like nothing happened.

Leo, Piper, and Wyatt just orbed out of the attic on the TV. Chris turned to face his 2 aunts.

_"Think now's a good time to tell them?"_

_"No. The sooner we take care of the darklighter, the sooner we make you.."_ Paige answered.

_"I'm gonna start scrying."_ Phoebe informed before leaving.

_"And I will go start the love potion."_ Paige added.

_"Wait, I thought you were against making the love potion?"_ Chris asked.

_"Not if it's gonna save one of my two favorite nephews."_ She retorted. TV Chris looks at the clock - 3:00.

Chris cursed. He was so screwed. What kind of idiot was he in the future to where he couldn't save his ass himself? Chris glared at his Aunts. "You're going to kill me aren't you?"

Paige looked shocked and hurt. "Why would you say that?"

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed. How crappy were they as Charmed ones if the future if Chris doubted them, _them_!

"Not any better than you are now." Chris answered her unspoken thought. It was sort of a lie too well technically it was the truth. They weren't any better because they were dead.

Piper glared at her sisters. "If you doom my baby boy I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass you'll have toes at teeth."

Paige touched her teeth possessively. "I like my teeth." She pouted.

"Don't kill my son and you may just keep them." Piper shrugged.

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "You're so over dramatic. We will save Chris no matter what it takes, and if we don't you can shove your foot up our asses while bitching out the angel of death. That's a promise." Piper nodded, satisfied.

"Phoebe!" Paige hissed. Phoebe shrugged in a not so sincere apology.

On the TV in Magic School a student is there putting books on a shelf using telekinesis. Gideon appears in front of her and catches one of the books.

"_These aren't just books, Sarah. They're legacies. Handed down over the ages by other magical beings, and worthy of your great care." _He ranted in a deadly calm tone. To put it simply it was creepy. He put the book on the shelf. "_Understand?"_

"_Yes sir." _Sarah replied nervously.

"_Good." _All of a sudden Leo walks up to Gideon.

"_Gideon." _Leo said.

"_Leo, what a pleasant surprise. How are you, my boy?"_ He said in a happy tone.

"_I've been better. A darklighter attacked, I think he's after me."_ Leo explained. They walk away from Sarah.

"_Are you certain?" _Gideon asked.

"_I don't know he may be trying to get me out of the way to get to Wyatt. I dropped Piper and Wyatt off at the nursery, I hope that's alright."_

"_Of course, absolutely." _Gideon assured.

"_Alright, I better get back to Phoebe and Paige, see if I can help."_

"_No, you shouldn't, you should go back up with the other Elders where you'll be safe."_

"_What about the darklighter?"_

"_It's not your responsibility, that's for the sisters to handle, it's what they do."_

Phoebe stared at the screen her eyes narrowed. "Ah!" She said in realization. "It makes _so_ much sense now."

"What?" Paige asked.

"Why Gideon is desperately trying to keep Leo up there." Phoebe continued.

Chris got on her line of thought. "It's all an act. He hired the Darklighter, but doesn't want to seem suspicious by making him stay on earth. Nice job there, Phoebe."

Phoebe's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "N-no, what are you talking about?"

"Gideon's evil." Piper clarified for her.

Phoebe shook her head. "Obviously, we aren't on the same page here."

"Then what do you mean?" Paige asked.

"What I'm saying is that Gideon is gay! And he has set his sights on Leo." Phoebe exclaimed.

Leo shook his head vigorously. "Gideon is not gay!"

Phoebe scoffed. "Why is he trying to make you stay up there? He wants you all for himself."

Paige nodded slowly. "Yeah, I agree. Gideon's totally gay."

"Even if Gideon was gay, he wouldn't like me." Leo said stubbornly.

"Wel,l all British people are gay. I mean just look at Robert Pattinson." Chris agreed.

"Who?" Piper asked.

"Oh he's just a guy who ruined vampire movies. You'll understand in 2008. Whatever you do don't watch Twilight!" Chris explained. "Or I'll have to suffer for years to come about how cute Bella and Edward are together, blah, blah, freaking blah."

Paige rolled her eyes. "We get it, we won't watch Twilight."

"That's what you say now, but the trailer draws you in." He mumbled.

"_Is it? I never really noticed. I've been too busy, uh, rechecking something."_ Chris replied.

"Someone's neurotic." Paige sang.

"_Whole world seems to be too busy now days. Nobody's got time to just enjoy their day anymore."_

"_Well, it doesn't get any better in the future, either. I mean, I imagine_." Chris corrected himself.

"_Future don't mean squat to me. I'm too old to worry about it. Shouldn't you either. You're too young." _Clarence pointed out. Chris laughed.

"_Unfortunately, I'm kind of obsessed with it."_

"_You alright?"_ He asked, concerned.

"_Yeah, yeah, I just probably need to eat."_ Chris lied.

"_What you need is to get out of this hole. Get some sun, live a little."_

"_Do that_." With that said Clarence left.

Leo raised an eyebrow. Clarence, Clarence, Clarence. Where had he seen him before? Leo gasped. "Holy sh-I mean crap. Clarence is an Angel of Death!"

"Damn it!" Chris shouted. "I knew you two would get me killed. Now look it an Angel of death is stalking me. Great, just freaking great. This is so not what I needed."

Piper glared at her two sisters. Paige's chin started to shake and she clutched her mouth. "My teeth," she mumbled.

"Chris, honey, you're not going to die, okay? I won't let you. I will quit being a Charmed One, I will yell at Death 'till my throat is soar." Piper vowed.

Chris smiled. "Thanks Mom."

"Yeah, we won't let you die." Leo agreed. They all stared at him in shock.

"Are you finally admitting that he's your son?" Phoebe asked.

Leo nodded. "I guess I always knew it. I felt something I just didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to admit that my first born son turned evil and that he tortured his own family."

Chris smiled slightly. "If it helps, he killed you first."

They stared at him. "How the hell does that help?" Paige demanded.

"Oh it doesn't. I guess I have some left over resentment. I mean seriously! How many birthdays did you miss? How many times did you ignore me, but you had time for Wyatt, always Wyatt!" He snapped.

Wyatt smirked. "Daddy always did love me best."

Chris took a deep breath. "Sorry, and I lied. Wyatt didn't kill you, I almost did though."

Leo choked. "Seriously?"

"What? Can you blame me? Besides you always orbed out in time." He said the last sentence with a tone of bitterness.

Piper hit him. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Apologize to your Father."

"I'm sorry I almost killed you for being a first class ass hole." Chris said. Piper sighed this was obviously the best she was going to get out of him.

On the TV, Chris walked in on Phoebe and Paige arguing over if it was Chris' destiny to stay alive.

"_Yeah. I've had the strangest feeling, like, I don't know, it's really hard to explain. But it feels like I'm, I'm floating, like I'm not really here, you know?"_ Chris got out.

"_Well, that doesn't sound good."_ Phoebe said.

"_Well, you have to fight it, we still have time."_ Paige ordered.

"_Not much."_ Chris sighed. The scrying crystal stops at a point on the map and spins around on the spot.

_"I've never seen it do that before."_ Paige said.

_"Maybe that means there's more than one? I'll go get Piper."_ Phoebe said. She then left the room.

_"I'll go too."_ Chris informed.

_"No, you stay here, okay. Finish the potion, when we come back your parents will be in the mood."_ Paige ordered.

Chris puckered his face in disgust. "Is it weird that I find that disgusting?"

Phoebe shook her head. "Nah, it's okay. I had the same feeling a while back when I found out that Leo and Grams dated! You sick bastard!"

Leo sighed. "In my defense, she was totally different back then."

Piper laughed. Just the thought of Grams being different was hard to believe. Piper imagined Grams always being a sarcastic, man hating, hard ass. "How so?"

"Well," Leo started. "She was very mellow and free-loving. Back then, I was a lot like that too, I mean c'mon! It was 1969 the summer of love!"

"Grams mellow?" Chris asked. "Yeah right!"

"Plus she was a red head. I've always had a soft spot for red heads." Leo added.

Paige looked at her hair and then at Leo. "You know that makes so much sense now." Leo laughed awkwardly.

Piper glared at him. "Red heads Leo, really?"

Leo smiled at her. "But brunettes will always be my favorite. Not just any brunette but a scary, and a temperamental one, panicky, oh and-"

Piper smiled, but then faltered. "Wait, what? Panicky, temperamental, scary? What the hell, Leo!"

Leo laughed. "I uh mean..."

"Save it!" Piper snapped.

"Dad, noooo."Chris berated.

Leo looked confused. "W-why are you mad? I said brunettes were my favorite."

"Dumb ass!" Paige laughed.

Leo stilled looked absolutely confused and nobody really wanted to explain to him why. I mean he was a husband now, but not just any husband, Piper's husband. Didn't he get this drilled into his head as soon as Piper said "I do"?

On the TV in an alley way the Charmed Ones and Leo were waiting for a demon. Seriously, haven't they learned by now? Never fight in an alley! You always loose! You'd think they would know this after 6 years of doing this!

Sooo back on point, Piper was extremely paranoid. "_I mean, since when to darklighters hang out in broad daylight like this? It could be a trap, maybe you should stay here."_ she said.

_"No, I'm the bait, remember? Besides, if it is a trap, you might need me to help you orb back."_

"Wait," Phoebe started. "If it is a trap and you're bait, then how could you orb us back?"

Leo sighed. "I thought we went over this year's ago, I orb as in teleport and it's not a side effect of all the booze you had that evening."

"Okay first off, that made no sense as to what Phoebe said, second she's right! If you're bait and you get caught, then how are we supposed to orb back?" Paige asked.

"Um, Paige, you do know that _you_ can orb, right?" Chris reminded.

"Well, what if I couldn't?" she retorted.

"But you can!"

"But-"

"All right enough!" Piper screeched. "Your both wrong now can-it!" They both had the decency to be guilty at their stupid yet amusing fight. They were mostly scared though.

On the TV Phoebe turns around and Damien – the darklighter - hits her across the face with his crossbow. She falls off the roof and lands on a dumpster. Piper gasps. Damien disappears and reappears behind Piper and Leo.

"_Behind you!"_ Paige called. Piper and Leo turn around. Damien points his crossbow at them an Piper blows him up. He causes a huge explosion which engulfs Piper and Leo. The explosion disappears and so has Piper and Leo. "_Piper!" _Paige orbs out and orbs back in beside Phoebe. "_Phoebe? Oh my god, you're bleeding."_

Paige rolled her eyes. "No dip."

Phoebe quirked an eyebrow. "You do know that you sort of just burned yourself." Paige shrugged.

The screen shows the same alley that Piper and Leo were just in, but darker, grayer. Oh and it was completely deserted.

_"Phoebe? Paige? Where's my car? What's going on? Where'd everybody go?"_ Piper demanded.

_"That's a good question."_ Leo agreed.

_"We'll, they got to be here somewhere."_ Piper insisted.

_"I think we should get out of here."_ He said nervously.

_"No, not without Phoebe, she's hurt. Didn't you see her fall?"_ She asked rhetorically.

"Isn't the explosion and grayness of where you are tip you off a little?" Chris asked.

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed. She cleared her throat and put on an angry face trying to act like Piper. "Gosh, Leo what was that boom?"

"Why would I know? It's not like I'm an Elder and I live to know these things." Paige personated Leo. Leo sighed.

"C'mon. How were we supposed to know?"

"I repeat dark sunless surroundings and that big explosion!" Chris repeated.

Piper waved a hand in dismissal. "Like we're smart enough to figure that out."

"A baby could figure that out, so you know what? Yeah, I agree with you." He said sarcastically.

"Hey!" Piper protested. "Oh, you are _so_ lucky you're my son or I would have _so_ blown up your ass by now."

"Piper, honey, it's my fault-" Leo started.

"Yes it is." Everyone agreed.

"That's just what I needed to boost my confidence." Leo deadpanned.

On the TV Piper and Leo are fighting over if they should go to the hospital. Suddenly the jackass Darklighter who did this to them appeared from an Alley.

"_Leo."_ Piper called.

"_Piper?"_ Damien questioned." _You're not supposed to be here."_

"_Yeah, well, you're not supposed to be here either. At least not in one piece."_ Piper retorted smartly. She flicked her hands trying to blow him up but it doesn't work.

"_Come on."_ Leo said. He tries to orb out but can't.

"_What's wrong with your powers?"_ Piper demanded.

"There goes your dramatic exit." Paige stated.

Phoebe glared at her. "I think Piper and Leo losing their powers is a little more important than a dramatic exit, Paige!"

Paige shrugged reluctantly. "Not by much." She held her pointer finger and thumb together to signify how tiny it was. Phoebe sighed.

"Although, losing your powers is important I think Paige is right." Chris agreed.

Leo shrugged. "Yeah, I gotta go with them on this one. Having powers isn't as satisfying as an awesome exit."

Piper rolled her eyes. "How am I supposed to express my anger without any powers? By ta-talking?" She started laughing. "Yeah right!"

The rest laughed along with her. Like Piper could talk about her feelings. It was laughable, which was what they were doing. Piper was more of a bottle-up-my-feelings-and-take-them-out-on-demons type a girl also a almost-blow-up-an-Elder-but-Leo-stops-her-and-starts-his-they're-not-the-bad-guy-speech-until-she-finally-blows-him-up-and-he-ends-up-getting-turned-on-and-they-do-it-in-front-of-the-Elders.

In the Ghostly Plane hospital, Piper was calling her sister's names. Leo came rushing out of a room declaring they weren't there.

"_They're not here, I'm telling you."_

"_They have to be here. Phoebe's hurt."_ Piper insisted.

"_Not in this plane, she's not. The blast, when you blew up the Darklighter, must have knocked us into this other place. One that co-exists with our world but not with our lives."_ He said in a very Elder-y tone.

"_What are you talking about? What world?" _She demanded.

"_I don't know. I don't think we're here by accident, I think this is part of the Darklighter's plan. To have us here without our powers and without your sisters."_

"_Phoebe!"_ Piper called.

Chris raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you guys figured out where you are yet?"

Paige thought for a moment. "Ooooh!"

Phoebe looked at the screen really hard. "Uh...Oh, yeah, duh!"

"Okay, that's it if Phoebe can figure it out, _Phoebe!_ They we are the definition of stupid." Piper stated angrily.

"Um, no Piper. You're the definition of stupid." Leo corrected. "We're in limbo." Piper glared.

Phoebe grimaced. "I was way off. I thought you were in an erotic porno."

Everyone stared at her. Even baby Wyatt was thinking "_**Dumb bitch!"**_

"I stand corrected." Leo said.

On the TV Paige and Phoebe were in the hospital hallway.

"_We're losing him. Two hundred and fifty CCs of lido. Flat lining. Come on, come on. Did anyone call the driver's family? Still got no pulse. Paddles. Two hundred jules."_ He ordered.

"_Charging."_ The nurse replied.

"_Clear!" _The TV cuts to the ghostly plain.

"_Piper, we've gotta keep moving, we can't stay here. Damn it, Piper. I don't want you to get hurt too." _Leo shouted.

"_Okay."_ She agreed. They turn around to see the bus driver standing there.

"_Am I dead?" _He asked.

"_Leo, what's going on?"_ Piper asked.

"_Leo. Are you an angel?"_ He then disappears.

"_I know what plane we're on, the ghostly plane." _Leo said.

"Cue dramatic music!" Paige directed with a Snicker. Orbs surrounded her outfit and it changed into tight red pants, a white top, and a red vest. Her orange hair turned curly and got put into a pony tail. A beret landed on her head and she opened the Snicker's candy bar.

"Personal gain!" Leo chided.

"Where's the dramatic music?" Paige demanded while getting off her director's chair that orbed magically under her ass. "Huh! You people can do nothing right!"

Phoebe giggled. "Oooh! Can you make me into a…" She got up and whispered in Paige's ear. Paige raised an eyebrow but nonetheless glamored her.

The orbs surrounded her and changed her hair to blonde and her chest got bigger, and bigger, and bigger! A red bathing suit appeared on her and she smiled. "He-he, I'm Pamela Anderson!"

Leo stared at her chest. "Whoaaa." He then internally smacked himself. "How are those real!" He demanded.

Phoebe ran slowly over to Paige and whispered into her ear again. Paige sighed and glamored her again.

Phoebe's facial features and hair went back to what it was originally. Her outfit turned pink and sparkly and went knee length. The ends turned cut and sparkles appeared on her face. Blue swirls formed on her arms and legs. Light pink wings grew on her back. "I'm a fairy!" She exclaimed while lying on thin air. "Oh yeah, I could so get used to this."

Paige, still in her outfit, yelled "Cut!" and Phoebe's glamor disappeared and she fell with a thud.

"Owie," She whimpered.

On the TV Leo and Piper are sitting in a dark P3. Leo's bandaging Piper's wound that the Darklighter made. Leo rips apart his shirt and wraps it around her arm.

"_Oh, my, my."_ Piper said.

"_Impressed?" _Leo smirked.

"Cut! Cut, cut!" Paige shouted. "No flirting with your costar. Take 2."

"Is she on crack again?" Chris asked.

"No," Piper answered. "She does this every month. Last month she was a therapist. It was so annoying. Apparently, I'm a controlling freak and Leo is a big softy who needs to learn not to reply on me so much." She laughed in disbelief. "Oh and you should have heard what she said about Phoebe."

"What'd she say about Phoebe?"

"Oh well the reason she acts so stupid sometimes is that her brain is reverting back to when she was a teenager and she felt that she needed to dumb down herself to be attractive!"

"Really?" He asked shocked.

Piper nodded. "Crazy right?"

"Not really. It's actually true."

She glared. She gripped his ear and yanked. "What?"

"Oww!" He hissed. "Okay, okay you win. She's crazy and your right."

Piper let go. "Good."

"Cut! Let's try that again, but Chris, don't be as much a sissy and Piper, try to look more pissed. Take 2!" Paige yelled.

On the TV Chris is standing in the living room just having walked through a wall.

"_Whoa, not good."_ He said to himself. Clarence is standing there.

"_It's almost time, Chris."_ He stated.

"_Clarence. What are you doing here?"_ He asked.

"_Actually, I've come for you. Its okay, son, I know."_

"_Who are you?"_

"_Someone_ _who was sent to make this easier for you."_

"_This? What do you mean this?"_

"_I think you know."_ Clarence said.

"_You're an angel of death."_ He inquired.

"_Yours is a unique situation, Chris one which requires special handling. That's why I wanted to meet you early. So you could get to know me, trust me. There's really nothing to be afraid of."_

"_Yeah, that's easy for you to say."_ Chris snapped.

"_Don't fight it, Chris. It'll only make it more difficult for you."_

Chris panicked. "_No. Forget that, alright? I still got time. You stay away from me."_ He then ran upstairs.

Chris stared at the screen. He wasn't going to die was he? He couldn't he still had to save Wyatt right after he got Tivo! He still had so many things to experience in life, for instance Tivo. He would _not_ die without getting that…or saving Wyatt…but mostly Tivo.

Phoebe put a calm hand on his arm. "Don't worry, sweetie we won't let you die."

Chris scoffed. "Oh, that's comforting."

Paige glamoured out of her outfit and smirked. "Don't worry, kid, we'll make sure-"

Piper cut her off. "Your Father and I will make sure that not a hair on your head will turn transparent."

"I think it's a little late for that." Leo stated while gesturing towards the TV. "Besides aren't you already pregnant? There's really nothing to worry about."

Chris laughed in relief. "Oh, thank god! Hey, you wanna go buy Tivo?"

"Well, actually, I've wanted that for a while!" Paige informed. "We should go buy it right now. I know this place where we could get it cheap we just might have to sell some drugs…no biggie."

"No." Piper forbid.

"But Mom," Chris protested.

"Yeah, but Mom," Paige agreed.

"The Elders have Tivo." Leo stated.

"Seriously, am I the only one without it?" Chris asked.

"Pretty much," they all said.

_"Sorry, I don't mean to be pushy but..."_ Chris stated as he walked in on the two in the attic fighting. His voice was echoy seeing as he was fully transparent now.

_"Yeah, we're working on it, we're working on it."_ Phoebe assured.

_"You don't look so good."_ Paige realised. Chris nodded. _"Okay."_ she paused. _"Sister's spirit I call to thee, cross on over so we may see." _Chris disappears.

_"Wait, that wasn't supposed to happen, was it?"_ Phoebe asked.

_"I'm thinking no."_ Paige replied.

Piper's eye twitched. Her head turned slowly towards her sisters. "What the hell did you do to my son?" And then she pounced.

"Ahh!" Paige shrieked. "I want my teeth, I want my teeth, I want my teeth." She chanted.

Leo held her back before she could ring her sister's necks. She growled like a dog and tried to claw at them. It was a very weird scene.

"How dare you kill my favorite son?" She hissed. Suddenly everyone froze. Wyatt's head snapped towards Piper.

"Wat?" He gurgled.

Piper smiled awkwardly. "Um, I meant my favorite _grown _son."

"Ohh!" They all said and went back to hold Piper around the waist.

Chris smirked at Wyatt. "_**Ha-ha!"**_

Wyatt gave him the evil eye and orbed a paper weight to his hand. "_**One chuck to his temple and he's dead! But I can't, damn the good part in me."**_

"_**Plus the whole fact that you're a baby**_**."** Chris added through telepathy. Wyatt looked at him as if to say 'so?'.

On the TV, Piper and Leo walk in the attic in the ghostly plane. Piper's eyes are closed trying to contact somebody. Chris appears.

"_Chris?"_ Leo asked.

"No," Paige said sarcastically. "Santa Clause."

_"Not exactly who I was going for but I guess it'll work."_ Piper shrugged.

_"What are you doing here?"_ Leo asked.

_"Ceasing to exist, I think."_ He answered and then disappeared.

In the non-ghostly attic Chris appears. "_What happened? Where'd you go?" _Phoebe asked.

"_I just saw Leo and Piper."_

"_Where'd he go?"_ Piper demanded as soon as he vanished.

"_I_ _don't know."_ Leo said. Chris appears again. "_Ask him."_

"_What are you talking about? What do you mean ceasing to exist?"_

"_No time to explain. I'm a connection to your sisters and they wanna know how to get you guys back." _He stated.

Back in _the_ attic Chris appears, again. "_They think somebody made a portal for the Darklighter to pass through."_

"_Somebody who?"_ Paige asked.

Two Darklighters orb in to answer her question. "_Darklighters!" _Chris shouted.

"Ugh!" Phoebe yelled. "They always interrupt us, now we won't know who Piper and Leo were talking about."

Chris stared at her. "Seriously Phoebe?"

"Yes 'seriously Phoebe'!" She snapped.

Piper put her hand to her temple. "I thought you were done being stupid." Phoebe blinked. "I guess not then, the Darklighters were what we were talking about."

"Nuh-huh!" Phoebe denied. "Darklighters aren't that powerful."

"That _is_ true," Leo mused. "They must be working for somebody."

"Huh, look at that Phoebe. You were actually right about something. Who would have thunk it?"

"Thunk's not a word, Paige." Phoebe informed.

Paige mentally cursed. "_**The day I get corrected by, Phoebe…Okay Paige, you have to step up your game."**_

"I love your hair." Paige distracted.

Phoebe smiled. "Really?" Paige nodded. Phoebe touched her short hair. "Thanks! I wasn't going to get it this short, but I let my hair dresser decide, and walla, short haired Phoebe."

"Uh-huh," Paige said as if she cared. "And have you thought about growing it out?"

Phoebe shrugged. "Well of course!" she said.

"Yeah, Phoebe, sweetie." Piper said. "Nobody cares." she stated while shaking her head.

Phoebe pouted. "My reader's care."

"N-n-no-" Piper struggled to get out as Phoebe kept singing when she tried to say anything. "I give up!"

On the TV, Paige and Phoebe throw some potions at the Darklighters and they explode in fire.

"_Piper's not here anymore, I can't sense her."_ Phoebe said.

"_it's too late, and not just for Piper and Leo. Take care."_ Chris said sadly and then vanished.

"_Chris?"_ Paige called.

Piper glared and lunged at her sisters. "How dare you!" She screeched.

"Well this sucks." Chris pouted. "I'm dead, just great."

"Piper, honey, remember you're already pregnant, Chris isn't going anywhere." Phoebe tried to calm her.

"That doesn't mean anything. If you loved me, you would do anything to save my family."

"Gosh Piper, no need to go all Mama bear on us!" Paige said defensively. Again Piper growled, she seemed to do that a lot lately.

"Mom!" Chris yelled. "I am okay, see fine, look I'm whole and not transparent, and well not dead."

She picked up Wyatt and gripped him tightly, for comfort. Wyatt gasped for breath. "_**Why is she so strong?"**_ Piper stuck out her hand hesitantly and poked Chris.

"Oh, thank god!" she exclaimed.

Chris smiled, "See?"

Piper pet Wyatt's hair. She was just happy that both her boys were safe. Wyatt struggled to get breath. "_**Need air!" **_He finally orbed out reappearing on the floor gulping in air greedily.

On the screen, Piper is trying to convince Leo not to stay behind to protect her.

"_We never even had a chance to tell them where to meet us." _Piper said.

"_They'll figure it out. I know them." _Leo said surely.

"_In time?" _Piper panicked.

"_Look, Piper, no matter what happens..." _He started.

"_No."_ She said closing her eyes denying what he was trying to say.

"_You have to keep trying to make contact." _

"_I don't wanna hear it."_ She cried.

"_He's not after you, he's after me."_

"_Would you please stop trying to save me?"_ She begged.

"_I'm sorry I got you into this." _He said sadly.

"_Yeah, just one ordeal after another, right?" _

Leo touches her face. "_I never stopped loving you." _She cries harder as she kisses him.

Paige laughed. "Leo and Piper are getting' busy!"

Piper blushed slightly, but mostly just glared. "Shut up!"

Chris blinked at the screen. "You guys are doing it..."

"Yes, Chris, that is what they are doing." Paige confirmed sarcastically.

Chris rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored her and continued. "You guys are doing it...on the ground...isn't that . . . I don't know a little unsanitary I mean gosh, you guys are having freaking sex on the ground!"

Phoebe snorted. "I bet you've done it in more disgusting places." Chris eyes glazed in memory. It took him a while to get out of it.

"Have a lot of experience with that, Chris?" Paige smirked. "It sure did take you a long time to snap out of those memories."

Chris glared at the floor and crossed his arms.

On the TV, Gideon walks into the Magic School's library to find Paige and Phoebe there. "_Somebody's got a bunch of Darklighters after us and one of them's got Piper and Leo trapped." _Phoebe informed.

"_In the ghostly plane." _Paige added.

"_Or the spirit realm."_

"_Same thing."_ Gideon put in.

"_Right. We made contact with them but then we lost them." _Phoebe said.

"_And we lost Chris too, although we're not sure why because she can tell if Piper's dead."_

"_Yeah, and I can't."_

"_So she must still be around somewhere, we just don't know where." _

"_So we need to figure out how to use the Darklighter's portal to get them out."_

"_And if you follow all that you're really are a very powerful Elder."_ Paige concluded.

"_But Darklighters don't have the power to make portals, let alone use them."_ He said.

"_Right, we have to figure out who can."_ Phoebe said.

"_I warned Leo. I told him something like this might happen. What do you need?"_

"_Well, we know where to find the portal, we just don't know how to reverse it." _Gideon picks up a book and hands it to them.

"_There."_

"_Handy." _Paige stated.

"Evil bastard." Chris seethed. " ' I warned Leo, I told him something like this might happen' " He mocked. "That's because _you_ set it all up! Jack ass."

Leo shook his head. "Gideon's just lost his way, the Elders with help him and all will be well."

"Why don't you go take your happy positive attitude and go back to Elder land."

"You don't mean that." Leo said.

"Yeah, your right." Chris agreed. "Go drop dead!"

Paige rolled her eyes. "What the hell did Leo do now?"

"Sorry," Chris said sheepishly. "Left over feelings." He paused and then muttered under his breath: "Bastard."

On the TV, as Piper and Leo are talking about last night in the alley way Damien walks in.

"_Well, fortunately you won't have to worry about that for much longer. I'm a little surprised actually. Didn't really think you'd come back here. Thought I knew you better than that. Oh, well."_ He points his crossbow at them.

"_Let her go, you don't want her."_ Leo pleaded.

"_No, but I can't pass up my opportunity can I? It's in my nature. Besides, I wouldn't want a Charmed One coming after me when this is over."_

They hear traffic noises and suddenly they are back in the alley. Phoebe and Paige are there.

"_I wouldn't do that if I were you because this time I'll vanquish you for real." _Paige said smartly.

"_Well, it's about time."_ Piper snapped. No 'thank you' just a 'what the fuck took you so long?'. Nice Piper.

"_Who sent you?" _Phoebe demanded.

A Darklighter on the roof shoots his crossbow and hits Damien in the chest. Damien screams and is vanquished. Chris appears.

"_Yes! I'm back!" _Chris shouted while pumping his fist in victory.

"_Wait. What? How is that possible?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_Don't ask me, ask..." _Leo falls backwards. "_Them..."_

"_Paige, come on, quick, we've got to get him to Gideon."_ Paige said. Paige orbs out with Piper and Leo. Leaving Chris and Phoebe there.

"Oh that's okay, not rude at all. Sure I can Orb and your husband is dying, but no 'bye' really?" Chris said sarcastically.

"Chris!" Piper snapped. "Now is really not the time. My husband might die and that's all you have to say."

He shrugged. "Pretty much. Not like he cared about me. Why should I care for him?"

"Chris!" Everyone snapped.

"Sorry."

On the TV, Phoebe and Piper are sitting in Piper's room waiting for her.

"_What's going on?"_ Piper asked.

"_Maybe you should sit down for a second." _Phoebe suggested.

"_Oh, that doesn't sound good."_

"_No, no, it's good, it's good. I mean, it's, you know, it's not bad. It's a really good thing, it's not a bad thing. I think it's a really good thing, don't you think?"_ Phoebe stuttered.

"_Yeah. I mean, it depends."_ Paige agreed.

"_Uh-huh, that sounds worse."_

"_No, it's-it's just complicated." _Paige said.

"_Okay, so why don't you guys just tell me what's going on?"_

"_All right."_ Phoebe started. "_Uh, Paige and I know what happened between you and Leo last night."_

Piper chuckles in disbelief. "_What? Excuse me?"_

"_Not because anybody told us or anything, it's just because of Chris." _Paige assured.

"_Chris? Wh-why would Chris know what happened last night?"_

"_Well, because he wouldn't be here if it didn't. Yeah, see we've known for a while, we just didn't know how to talk to you and Leo about it."_ Phoebe struggled out.

"_Talk to us about what?"_

"_Is this my turn?" _Paige asked.

"_Yeah."_ Phoebe said.

"_Yeah. Uh, Chris is your son."_

They all turn towards Chris gasping in shock.

"Your my son?" Leo shouted.

"Um, Dad, you already know that." Chris said. "You guys learned this earlier."

"Well damn." Phoebe pursed her lips.

"This would be so much more dramatic if we just figured out now." Paige stated. They all nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Okie dokie people! Hope you enjoyed it. The funny thing is I worked on this every day and still took forever to finish! Sorry for the snarky comments at the end. I was watching Alex Day read Twilight and uh he kinda rubbed off on me. Soo yeah opinions people? Loved it hated it? Looved it? Loveed it? Loooooooved it? Me repeating that question helping any? No, okay then. So yes review.**

**This story was beta'd by the awesome _Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell _**

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty damn sure I don't own Charmed...yeah I don't.**

**This quote _"Come on, can we disprove this? I mean, seriously, Chris is in no way my son." _was given to me by _The Queen of Cliffhangers_**


	18. Chapter 18

Chris pursed his lips and picked up the list from so called 'Santa Clause'. "We skipped the first episode."

Paige laughed. "So? 'I dream of Phoebe'? That sounds laaaame," Phoebe glared.

Chris turned over the page. "It has a back side."

Piper got up and looked over the episodes. "It has chocolate stains on it. What fat ass wrote this?"

Leo gave her a scolding look. "That's not nice, Piper."

Piper rolled her eyes. "That's not nice, Piper," she mimicked.

Leo gaped at her. "That's not nice either! I don't sound like that," Piper shrugged not really caring.

"Well, um, okay then," Paige said awkwardly while rubbing her hands together. "Let's watch the next episode shall we?" She grabbed the remote and clicked the menu button, selecting Hyde School Reunion.

In Piper's room Paige is sitting on the bed looking through a year book. "_Interesting."_ A toilet flushes. "_Are you okay in there?"_

Piper walks out of the bathroom. "_I don't remember having morning sickness this bad with Wyatt."_

Piper looked at Chris and touched her stomach. "Damn!"

Chris smirked. "I never promised to make this easy for you, even as a baby."

"_It's just that Phoebe tended the hang out with the bad boy crowd. You know, anything to piss off Grams," Piper_ informed as she looked at the year book with her.

"_Was he her first love?" _Paige asked, referring to Todd

"_More like first lust. Talk about crazy though. Rick Gittridge, he was kind of the leader of their little gang."_

"_Phoebe was in a gang?"_

"_Not the drive by kind, but he was kind of the type. If he is at the reunion I'd stay away from him," she_ warned.

Phoebe sighed at the memories. "Good times."

Piper stared at incredulously. "You're kidding right?"

"No..."

"How many times did you almost get arrested?"

"Exactly, _Almost._"

Piper raised an eyebrow. "And how maybe times did you get arrested?"

Phoebe laughed nervously. "Uh, like only..."

"That's what I thought."

"_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" _Phoebe screamed.

"_What happened?"_ Paige asked.

"_What happened? You wanna know what happened? The dry cleaner ruined my dress for tonight. That's what happened," she_ snapped.

"_Phoebe, you know better than to scream in this house if there isn't a demon," Piper_ berated. She, of course being Piper, thought that it was a demon attack, plus the whole fact that Phoebe screamed.

"_I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to wear to the reunion tonight?" _Phoebe asked.

"_How about some prison stripes," Paige_ suggested sarcastically.

"_You told her about the shoplifting?" _Phoebe asked.

"_You little thief," Paige_ crossed her arms.

"_No, I acted out," she_ said as if it changed the fact that she wasn't ever going to live this down. "_Okay, now back to what I'm supposed to wear tonight."_

"Oh boo-hoo-hoo," Paige said. "I'm sure you can find something nice in your closet from when you were a teenager. How about that black fishnet outfit I saw."

"Thanks, Paige," Phoebe deadpanned. "Like you were any better."

"At least I had a sense of style," she scoffed.

"Yeah right! Did you see that green jacket you wore?"

Chris coughed uncomfortably. "I kind of took that. You can have it back by the way."

"Aha!" Leo said. "I knew that jacket in Oh My Goddess looked familiar."

Paige turned on Chris. "Why would you steal my jacket?"

"Take this as a form of flattery," Piper said. "Someone else was dumb enough to wear it too."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Paige had style."

"Had?" Paige rose and eyebrow. Chris shrugged as if to say 'yep'.

"_That's no excuse. I mean, he's been avoiding me for weeks; he won't even look at me. What could I have done in the future that would be so bad?" _Piper asked sadly. All she wanted was to get to know her son and he wouldn't give her the time of day.

"Ass," Paige mumbled. Chris glared and set a pillow flying towards her head. Paige orbed out and back in, reforming she got hit by another pillow. Paige rubbed her face as Chris smirked smugly, he won! She grabbed the pillow and sent it flying towards him, it hit the target.

"_Maybe he should have a father son talk," Paige_ suggested. Like Chris would even talk to Leo, that's hysterical.

"_No, I can't do that to Leo. He had a hard enough time letting go. Besides, he doesn't even know that I'm pregnant," Piper_ denied.

"_I know, but don't boys need their..," she_ trailed off. You know, leaving that sentence open is completely suggestive.

"_I know, and that's why I called my father so he could figure out why his surly new grandson hates me."_ She explained. Suddenly Piper's stomach grumbled. "_Uh-oh."_

"_I got you," Paige_ said disgustedly as she guided her into the bathroom. Boy, I would _not_ want that job.

"_Guys how about this one?"_ Phoebe asked. She saw the bathroom door close. "_Okay," she_ turned towards the bed and smiled. She laughed as she picked up the year book_. "I remember this poem. __Those who mock who I am let them always remember when__," Phoebe_ changes into her teenage self and back. Her face scrunches up in confusion.

Paige glared. "Thanks a lot, Phoebe, another problem to solve for the Charmed Ones. "

"And what kind of god awful poem was that?" Chris demanded.

"First off, you make it sound like were in Scooby Doo. Second, it was obviously a good enough poem to make me go rebellious teenager!" Phoebe pointed out stubbornly.

On the TV, Piper had invited Victor over and after pulling out of the hug he gasped.

"_Oh, whoa, you're pregnant!"_ he exclaimed.

"_Yeah, it looks that way, huh?"_ Piper smiled. Looks that way? Is it something else?

"_When_ _did this happen?"_ Victor asked.

"_Oh, well, you know, I've been meaning to call you but, you know..," she_ trailed off. "_Leo's the father."_

"_Leo? I thought you guys split up," he_ asked.

"_We_ _did," she_ confirmed. Care to elaborate Piper?

"_Well, then how... I don't understand."_ Victor stuttered. They walked into the living room and sat down.

"_Uh, he was dying and I was crying... Um, it's all very complicated," she_ answered vaguely.

"Ah," Chris sighed fondly. "I miss Grandpa. How is he anyway?"

"Oh, um, he's good. Yeah, he's fine," Piper said nervously.

"When was the last time you talked to him?" Leo asked.

"He called the other day," Phoebe said chewing on her bottom lip.

"And?" Chris pushed.

"The dude was wasted!" Paige laughed. "Apparently, he met up with some people and they convinced him to have a couple beers. He called the house leaving the most whacked up message!"

"And the message was….?" Leo asked. Paige didn't answer. "Hellooo?"

"What?" She asked.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"No," she shook her head.

"_It's a boy, Chris, actually," Piper_ informed.

"_Chris? Why'd you choose that name?"_ Victor asked.

"_I don't know, and he won't tell me. He's very secretive about the future. He's actually the reason I asked you to come. See, he, um, hates me and he doesn't want to talk to me and I need you to find out why," she_ explained.

"_I don't understand your Wicca ways, but I'll try," he_ leans towards Piper's stomach. "_Hello, Chris. Chris. Hello, Chris. Can you hear me?" _They all laughed.

"_Is_ _someone calling me?"_ Chris called.

"_Yeah, uh, sweetie, could you come here a sec?"_ Piper asked.

"_Geez, he can come out?"_ Victor yelled.

"_Can_ _we air this out, 'cause I gotta...Grandpa!"_ He exclaimed. He ran over and gave the really confused guy a hug.

"Why is your name Chris anyway?" Piper asked.

"Why is your name Piper?" He retorted.

"Because Grams and Mom had a fetish with names that start with the letter P," Piper said defensively.

Chris shrugged. "A family member had the name Chris and you guys wanted to use it again."

"Really?" Phoebe asked. "That's so sweet."

"No," Chris said.

"Well, then why are you named Chris?" Paige asked frustrated.

"You begged Mom to name me Chris after Chris Turk…on Scrubs."

"Sweet!" Paige shouted.

On the TV, Phoebe and Paige are at the reunion, and are checking in. They walk over to the name tag table. A teacher is standing there.

"_Well, I didn't expect to see you here, Miss Halliwell. Still testing the boundaries of the criminal justice system are we?"_ She asked rudely.

"_Hi Miss Hickock. No, actually, I'm a columnist now." _

"_Oh," she_ uttered not really caring.

"_I give advice."_ Miss Hickock laughs a little in disbelief. "_On relationships," she_ laughs harder.

"_I'm sorry, dear. I just never figured you for the advice giving type. You certainly never took it," she_ hands Paige the name tags. "_Enjoy."_

Phoebe and Paige walk away. "_Gym teacher?" _Paige asked.

"_How did you know she was a gym teacher?"_ Phoebe whispered asked.

"_Alright, lady, let's go in there, and show them your sordid past a thing or two."_

"Gosh!" Phoebe said her face twisted in anger. "I hated that bitch!"

"Why?" Paige asked.

"B-because, because…," she tapped her foot trying to think why she hated her so much. "Because she's a bitch!"

"Descriptive."

"_Phoebe! Phoebe Halliwell! Oh my gosh, I can't believe you showed up!"_ A red head ran up to her and hugged her.

"_Hi," Phoebe_ said surprised.

"_You're so skinny. How'd you stay so skinny? Who's this?"_ She asked excitedly. Someone needs to cut down on the sugar; she was almost bouncing off the walls.

"_I'm_ _Paige Matthews, her long lost sister," Paige_ greeted.

"_Oh, wow. Are you famous too? You look famous. Okay, so, um, dweeb time, but, um, since I knew you when, can I have your autograph?"_

"_Oh, yeah, of course. Uh, I usually charge twenty dollars for it," Phoebe_ said.

"_I_ _think I have a twenty here somewhere," she_ said as she grabbed her purse.

"_No, I'm kidding!"_ Phoebe yelled.

She laughed like a child on crack. "_I used to do everything Phoebe said. Hey, remember that night when you snuck me into the country club in the trunk of your car? And then you left me there so that you could go make out with Todd on the golf course," she_ smiled widely like it was extremely awesome instead really freaking bitchy.

"_Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Actually, I'm sorry about a lot of the tricks we used to play on you," Phoebe_ apologized.

"_Tricks? You made me feel like part of the gang. Those were the best times of my life," she_ said sadly. Wow, someone needs a life. And to stop being so needy!

"_So I think you need to tell me more about this gang. What else did she do?"_ Paige asked.

Paige inclined her head towards the TV. "Who's the red head?"

"Ramona," Phoebe said. "She was this girl that we tagged along on our group to be complete dicks. I mean gosh we did some horrible things to her. Yet, she just smiled happily like it was the coolest thing ever."

"Oh, bitchy," Paige said. Phoebe nodded in agreement.

On the TV, Phoebe's old boyfriend Todd walks up to them.

"_One_ _time she broke into the principal's office, just to make out with some guy on his desk."_ Todd said.

"_See, now I remember that it was you that broke into the principal's office and I just tagged along out of curiosity," Phoebe_ smiled. "_Ah, where's Paula?"_

"_She's_ _around somewhere."_

"_This_ _is so awesome! It's like the gang is all back together again. Well, almost."_ Ramona said spastically.

"_Oh, yeah, where's the ringleader?"_ Paige smirked.

"_Rick_ _good old Rick. Where is Rick?"_ Phoebe asked awkwardly.

"_I heard he got picked up for a liquor store robbery."_

"_Oh my god, are you kidding? Did he do it?"_ She demanded.

"_Only what I read in your paper. And I read everything you write," he_ admitted.

"_Thanks. I'm flattered. So what are you doing now?"_

"Is he flirting with you?" Paige asked with a smirk.

Phoebe blushed slightly and stuttered. "N-no!"

"Yeah, Paige, he has a wife…I think…" Piper put in.

The next part proved it as Phoebe's high school rival came up to Todd and kissed him. Now mocking a Halliwell, not good, mocking a Halliwell that cast a spell even worse.

Phoebe walks away looking extremely hurt that Paula called her 'freebie'. Paige chases after her and they land back in the hallway.

"_Hey. Why didn't you just tell that chick to go screw herself?"_ Paige demanded. Phoebe flashes back to her teenage self and then flashes back. "_Phoebe?"_

"_Okay, what just happened?" _Phoebe questioned.

"_You tell me."_

"_I have no idea. I was just standing here and then I had some weird high school flashback."_

"_Yeah, your whole body just flashed back."_

"_What? Are you kidding me? I just felt..," she_ trailed off, not being able to think of a good enough adjective.

"_Pissed?"_

"_Very."_

"_Well, as someone who's seen Carrie, both versions, I'd say the reunion is over." _

"Nice," Chris said. "It's always good to end on a strong joke."

"Strong joke?" Phoebe scoffed. "Yeah right!"

"Well, let's see you come up with something better," Paige said testily.

Phoebe thought for a moment. She sighed, frustrated. She chewed on her bottom lip and stomped the floor. "Where the hell is my muse?"

Paige smiled smugly. "I win!"

"_So we're close?"_ Victor asked.

"_Yeah. You're awesome, Grandpa," Chris_ smiled.

"_Did you hear that? Awesome," he_ boasted to Piper.

"_Yeah, after the event happened, we got really close_." His voice turned sad.

"_What event?"_ Piper asked.

"_I can't tell you." _

"_Is this, um, event my fault? Is that why you're treating me like a non-person?"_

"_I can't talk about it; it will mess with the future."_

"_But you did say I was awesome, right? You can talk about that?"_ Victor interrupted.

"Your Dad is so desperate. Look at that smug smile on his face. He doesn't want the conversation to turn from him being awesome," Paige observed.

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed. "We never said that to him before, maybe he's just trying to soak it up as much as he can."

"Or he's just needy," Leo said.

"Hey now," Chris shouted with his hands held up in a defensive manner. "Don't bad mouth my Grandpa. You weren't all that great of a Dad either."

Leo looked guilty. "I will make up for that," he said sadly.

Chris sighed. Piper glared at him. "Apologize now."

"Fine, I'm sorry," he said bitterly. Past the bitterness there was a tiny dose of sincerity. Nobody heard it though, Chris made sure of that.

In the foyer Paige and Phoebe walk through the door. Piper and Victor walk out of the kitchen to see why Paige screamed Piper's name.

"_Hey, what's going on?"_ Piper asked.

"_Hi, daddy,"_ Phoebe greeted.

"_Hi, sweetie,"_ Victor replied. They hug briefly and Paige interrupts them.

"_Okay, I hate to cut this reunion short, I think we've had enough of those for today. Now you go upstairs until we figure this out."_

"_Bye, daddy,"_ Phoebe said childishly. She walks up the stairs and Chris walks in the foyer.

"_What_ _happened?" _

"_Well, you've heard of recapturing your youth, I think Phoebe's youth is trying to recapture her," Paige_ explained.

"And it's all her fault!" Paige yelled stubbornly. "If you didn't read that spell then we would be fine. But nooo! You just can't make this easy for any of us, can you?"

"Well sorry!" Phoebe snapped. "How was I supposed to know that a teen angst poem would make me revert to a rebellious high-school student again?"

"This episode would be way more amusing if it was Paige and Phoebe," Chris mused.

"No it wouldn't!" Piper yelled. "That would have been torture. Not only taking care of Phoebe, _Phoebe!_ But an annoying stoned Paige too?"

"I wasn't stoned," Paige protested. Piper raised her eyebrow. "…most of the time…."

"_You two go ahead. I need to get back to the Scabbar demons before they know I'm missing," Chris_ said.

"_Hey, wait, what, and leave your awesome grandpa alone?"_ Piper protested. "_Grab a sandwich, grab a beer, get an answer," she_ hissed the last part towards her Father.

Victor pulls out two cigars from his coat. "_Cubans?"_

"Subtle, Piper, real subtle," Paige smirked.

"Well maybe if Chris gave me some damn answers once in a while I would have to do this!"

"Chris," Phoebe sighed tiredly. "Will you just answer her question already? Why are you ignoring her?"

"I don't have to answer that," he said stubbornly

"What happened?"

"I don't have to answer that either!"

"What's the point Chris?" Phoebe asked. "We'll end up learning it by the end of the episode."

"Then stop being so impatient and watch the damn TV," he replied stubbornly.

On the TV, scary Phoebe burst into the reunion. And of course all of the nosy people stop and stare, yet that could be because she looks like she stepped out of high school...or juvie. She walks over to Todd.

"_Phoebe? When you said you were feeling wild you weren't kidding. What happened to your hair, your clothes?"_ He asked.

She doesn't answer and decides to attack him...with her lips...

"_Oh my god. Get off him!" _Paula shrieked. Paula pushes Phoebe to the floor.

"_This isn't high school, Phoebe, they are married now." _Ramona hissed. She turned her spaztic rage towards Todd. "_And what the hell are you thinking?"_

"_No, no, no, let her go. Todd's a personal injury attorney and I have a hundred witnesses here. I'm sure Ask Freebie has very deep pockets."_ Paula said smugly.

"_Yeah, well, I'd rather be rich than a bitch," Phoebe_ said. It wasn't a very good comeback but it sure did do that trick as Paula turned into a dog...

"_What the hell was that?"_ Ramona asked.

"_I have no idea but that was so cool. __The past is the future and the future is the past, let's welcome back the senior class."_ Everyone starts dancing. "_That's more like it."_

"Damn it, Phoebe!" Paige stomped her foot in anger. "Not only did you expose us, but you wore that hideous outfit while doing it!"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "You sound like Prue."

"I'm offended," Paige said seriously.

On the TV,, Phoebe, Todd, and Ramona are running from Paige seeing as she found them at the reunion.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?" Paige growled.

"_So where are we going, guys?" _Ramona asked.

"_Anywhere. I don't care, I don't want this night to end."_ Todd said, exhilarated.

"_The night is young," Phoebe_ shouted. The cops pull up outside the reunion. "_I can't get busted."_

"_Don't worry, I'm gonna get us outta here." _Todd soothed.

"_Wait, you wanna steal a cop car?" _Phoebe asked incredulously.

"_No, not steal, borrow," he_ corrected.

"If you get put in jail we are sooo not busting you out," Piper informed.

"I didn't want you to anyway," Phoebe lied. She hoped this didn't actually happen or she'd be screwed!

"Especially is your wearing that outfit," Paige added.

"I can't believe you stole a cop car!" Chris exclaimed.

"Like you haven't before," Phoebe scoffed.

Piper raised an eyebrow. "Have you?"

Leo leaned in interest. "Yeah, have you?"

Chris laughed nervously. "N-no!" They all gave him a look. "Okay maybe once...or twice..." They kept staring at him. "Fine! I stole like 5," he admitted and threw his hands up in the air. "And didn't get caught once," he smirked. Chris crossed his arms satisfied.

On the TV, Chris and Victor at a French restaurant.

"_No, no, no, wait. Let's talk. We need to talk." _Victor said.

"_Let me guess. Piper asked you here to find out what's wrong with me, right?" _Chris asked.

"_She just wants to know why she's such a terrible mother."_

"_She what? No, no, she's great," Chris_ protested.

"_Then why are you treating her like she doesn't exist? Chris. If what we do is talk, talk to me."_

"_Because she doesn't exist in my future, okay? She dies when I turn fourteen," Chris_ blabbed stupidly. Although it was highly amusing, now he was in big gigantic trouble. Combine all of the denial and glares from his family, he's dead.

They all turned their heads super slowly towards Chris. When their heads finally set they gave him the most creepy stare.

"What'd you just say?" Leo demanded. Wyatt laughed at how uncomfortable he looked...or maybe he was laughing that his Mother was dead, who knows? Wyatt changes from the side of good to bad so much that it could give you whiplash and a massive headache.

Chris sighed. "Don't make me repeat it."

"Well, technically it's not repeating it since you haven't said it yet..," Paige pointed out.

"Off topic," Piper said.

"Right, sorry," Paige went back to sending confused looks at Chris.

"Piper dies?" Leo shouted. "And you never thought to tell us?"

"Sorry I forgot to mention that in the introductory phase," Chris bit sarcastically. " 'Hey, I'm Chris. Nice to meet you. I'm from the future where your son's evil, you're an absentee Father, I'm your son, oh yeah and your wife's dead!' That would have gone over well."

Their heads titled to the side in a flashback of sorts.

* * *

"**Who are you?" Phoebe asked.**

"**Hey, I'm Chris. Nice to meet you. I'm from the future where your son's evil, Leo's an absentee Father, I'm his son, oh yeah and your older sister's dead!" Chris stated.**

"**Uh-huh," Phoebe nodded. "Piper!" **

**Piper walked into the attic. "Who's the dude?"**

"**Oh yeah him? He's crazy," Phoebe explained. "Blow him up." **

**Piper shrugged and flicked her hands. Chris exploded leaving dust all over the floor. "My carpet!" Piper shrieked. She rushed off and grabbed a broom. She started to excessively sweep up the mess. "Damn it! I hate crazy people ashes on my floor."

* * *

**"Ooh," Paige said as she shook her head to regain her composure. "Not good."

"_Look, we need to stop Phoebe before she gets into some trouble we can't get her out of," Chris_ told Paige as Victor and Piper left the attic.

"_I'm trying, she keeps moving, she keeps moving. Uh,"_ The crystal points to a place on the map. "_I got her."_ Two Scabbar demons appear and Chris orbs out. They spit yellow acid-like goo and it hits a cabinet, smashing the glass. Paige kneels behind a table. Chris orbs in behind her. "_Glass!"_

A piece of broken glass orbs into one of the Scabbar demon's stomach. It just melts away, not harming him. He spits more acid goo and it hits the table, melting it away. Piper and Victor run in.

"Get back!" Piper yelled. She's probably really pissed that they ruined her attic, again. Piper pushes Victor back out the door. Piper tries to blow one of the demons up. The other demon spits towards Paige.

"_Icky stuff!"_ Paige called. Weirdly the 'icky stuff' actually got sent back towards the demon vanquishing him. The other one, noticing the threat, smartly shimmered away.

"Yeah!" Piper said smugly. "That'll show ya, better warn your friends too."

"Um, Mom," Chris said hesitantly. "You do know that they can't hear your, right?"

"They do in my mind."

"Yeaaah…I don't think I want to know what's going on in your mind," Paige said.

On the TV, a man and two women are sitting at a table in a room. A guard brings the famous Rick in.

Paige grimaced. "Orange is so not his color."

Phoebe's head snapped towards Paige. "Maybe someone should have suggested that to you before you dyed you hair."

"Ouch," Piper winced.

"Burn!" Chris snickered.

"_You're not my lawyers."_ Rick said suspiciously.

"_Well, Mr. Gittridge, we're here at the request of your public defender. May I call you Rick?"_ The man asked.

"_No," he_ refused. "_You don't look much like a defense team to me."_

"_Sit down, Gittridge."_ The guard ordered.

Rick sits down and the guard leaves the room.

"_Mr. Gittridge, did you at one time provide Phoebe Halliwell with a smoke bomb during a school assembly?"_ One of the women asked.

"_Alright, what is this?"_ Rick demanded. The man and women laugh. One of the women morphs into teenage Phoebe. Rick jumps out of his chair. "_Stay away from me!"_ Phoebe waves her hand and the other two morph into Todd and Ramona. "_Geez,"_

Leo tilted his head in confusion. Which wasn't much of a feat seeing as it's Leo, he was dumber than a one of those silver thing on that wooden thing that blocks the entrance to a room….ya know? "You don't have that power…" Oh, a door knob! That was it!

"In the words of Grams," Phoebe started. They sighed as she was about to rant one of those long speeches that really weren't that important and made no sense. "Shut up."

Back in fake Charmed land the guard comes in the room and Rick grabs his chair and knocks him out.

"_Alright, what the hell's going on? How'd you guys do that_?" He asked, completely freaked out.

"_Wait, are you crazy or just stupid_?" Phoebe demanded. She's one to talk.

"_Tell me how you did that!"_

"_It's, Phoebe, she does things like magic, but for real." _Todd explained.

"Wow, how trustworthy is he?" Paige asked sarcastically.

"_Wow. We'll see how real."_

"_Um, this isn't supposed to happen, it's a prank. We just came to say hi."_ Ramona said nervously.

"_You want me to use my magic to get you out of here?" _Phoebe asked disbelieving.

Rick unlocks the handcuffs with the keys hanging on the guard's belt_._ "_Oh, I know you are. Only way you're getting outta here too. In for a penny, in for a pound. Let's go."_

Paige growled, yes _growled!_ "Damn it, Phoebe!"

"What'd I do now?"

"If you get killed by him…" She couldn't finish as she burst into tears. She hopped up and gripped the life out of Phoebe. "Don't die!"

"Is she okay?" Phoebe mouthed towards them. They all shrugged. Phoebe pet Paige's hair awkwardly. "I'm offended. I would not, repeat NOT, let that annoying douche bag kill me. If anything I'll probably end up killing him."

"You sound so calm," Piper said suspiciously. "I thought you two were friends."

She shrugged. "We slept together once and got a pregnancy scare."

"WHAT?" Piper shrieked. "You almost got pregnant?"

Phoebe stared at her confused and almost as if she was an idiot. "Nooo, _he_ got the pregnancy scare. We were so excited when we found out that it was negative."

"Okay I'm confused," Chris stated as Phoebe tried to pry Paige off her waist. "Tell us what happened?"

"Okay well Rick came in saying he missed his period. We got freaked out, got a test, he peed on it, it was negative, and I ended up kicking him for scaring me," she explained.

"Uhh, Phoebe, you do know that guys can't get pregnant, right?"

Phoebe laughed. "Good one, Paige."

"I'm serious," Paige said. Phoebe just laughed more.

On the TV, Rick just busted out of jail thanks to Phoebe, Ramona, and Todd, mostly Phoebe though.

"_Don't buy into his crap. He made us break him out of prison," Phoebe_ snapped.

"_That was justice. You guys, I never hit no liquor store, I mean, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."_ Rick pleaded.

"_You expect us to believe that?"_ Todd asked.

"_I'm being straight with you. You guys, you know me. I'm a trouble maker, not an armed robber," he_ protested.

"_Could have fooled me," Phoebe_ bit.

"_Okay, I grabbed the shot gun to scare you. I was desperate to get out of there, be with you guys. I'm one of you."_

"_What do you think, Phoebe?"_ Ramona asked.

"_He's capable of hurting people, that's what I think," Phoebe_ said suspiciously.

"_I vote we let him stick with us."_ Todd said stupidly.

"_Just doesn't seem right to leave him out."_ Ramona agreed.

"_It's two out of three, babe. Guess we're all back together again, huh? This is great."_ Rick said enthusiastically.

"Gosh, I hate humans," Chris said. "They're so ignorant."

"You do know that you're part mortal, right?" Piper asked.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yes, but only a very tiny part."

Phoebe smiled. "Which part?"

"I think it's-" Paige laughed.

"NO!"

In the attic Piper puts crystals on the window sill."_The crystal's should protect you. They won't be able to find you as long as you stay in the attic," Piper_ stated.

"_You sure about that?"_ Chris asked.

"_Well, I'm pretty sure."_

"_Okay. Well, you and Wyatt need to go some place safe. I'm gonna go get him."_

"_No, you are not leaving this room," Piper_ ordered.

"_What about you?"_

"_What about me? I have to stay here and help Paige summon Phoebe."_

"_I'm part witch, remember? I can help Paige do that," Chris_ said desperately.

"_You can't vanquish the demons if they come and attack again."_

"_Well, I can try."_

Victor stands near the doorway. "_Listen to your mother, Chris."_

"_What if something happens to her?"_ He protested.

"_Nothing's gonna happen to me. Unless you know something that I don't," Piper_ said hesitantly.

"_Nothing's gonna happen to you, honey. Not now."_ Victor assured.

"_Oh, so when? Chris? Is that what you've been living with, knowing that something happens to me?" _He didn't answer. "_I see. Well, does it happen soon?" _Piper asked.

"_I can't tell you that. It could change the future in even worse ways," he_ mumbled.

"_Right. But isn't that why you came here in the first place? To make the future better? How do you know you haven't already changed mine?"_ She pointed out.

"_She's got a point." _Victor put in.

"Who's side is are you on?" Chris demanded towards the TV. They all cocked their heads. What was with him and yelling at the TV, it's not like they heard him. Chris paused as if he heard something. "That's such a grandparent-y thing to say."

Paige's head titled father sideways, you'd think it would hurt her neck. "Who's he talking to?"

Phoebe shrugged. "I think he's gone crazy."

"I think he's schizophrenic," Paige said.

"Yeah, it's called telepathy," Piper quipped with a well practiced eye roll.

Leo shook his head. "My son's not crazy."

Paige laughed. "Isn't it funny how much trouble you have with denial?" He glared and she held her hands up in surrender which was pretty funny. It's not like Leo would do anything to her if she continued. If it was Piper she'd blow her up while cackling evilly where as Leo would probably toss a pillow in her lap thinking that he was so 'bad'.

On the TV, Todd and Ramona are talking about what to do as a prank and they're pretty lame highschool-ish suggestions…at least on Rick's eyes. "_Hold it together. You're acting like you're still in high school. "_

"_Because they are. I cast a spell," Phoebe_ said her voice filled with adolescent attitude.

"_That explains so much. Listen, I picked up a tip today at lockup, and I got a better idea of what we can do tonight," he_ said.

"_Knock off another liquor store?"_ Phoebe asked snarkily.

"_No, an armored car."_

Phoebe stopped picking at her nails and stared at him. "_No, he's not joking, he's psycho, look at him."_

"_You're wrong. Look, I would have never even considered it before, we got magic now, right? I mean, we can pull this off."_

"_An Armored car, huh? A little bit big league, don't you think?"_ Todd asked.

"_That's right, we're not kids anymore, we've gotta think about our futures_." Your futures as fugitives, yes that's every child's dream job, isn't it? "_Come on, what do you say, Ramona? You in?"_

"_Um, I don't know, I don't want to go to jail," she_ said nervously while twirling a piece of red hair.

"_See, we're not gonna get caught, we got Phoebe, alright? Now we need a majority vote here, so what do you say?"_

"_No."_ Ramona said firmly. "_I wanna go home."_

Paige laughed. "Looks like she finally grew a pair."

"Oh my gosh, Paige. Can you be any more of a," Phoebe stumbled with the right word. "bitch!"

Paige gasped, but then laughed. "Actually yes I could. It's called being Prue."

Chris winced. "Whoa, man, I think your going into dangerous territory," he looked over to his mother and immediately flinched.

Piper's eyes were practically blazing with fire, it was really creepy. "Apologize!"

Paige stared un-blinking. "Make me."

They weren't sure but they thought they saw Piper's head turn around. Piper pounced on her. "Don't talk about my sister like that!"

Piper had Paige pinned and a lock full of red hair in her grasp. "I was joking!" Paige shouted.

"You're lying."

"No I'm not. Prue isn't a bitch and I'm pmsing."

They all "ohh"d and "ahh"d, that explained it. You see, when Paige pms' she gets a case of "complete bitch". It ran in the family, Piper got it, Penny got it, Prue especially got it. Phoebe and Patty however go all emotional. No matter what you say they'll cry.

On the TV, Piper, Paige, Chris and Victor are standing in the attic waiting for Phoebe to appear in those shiny bright lights.

Once she appears Victor asks: _"Honey, are you okay?"_

_"No, I'm not. You have to send me back," she_ replied worriedly.

_"You're not a teenager anymore," Paige_ realized.

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Nice observation, Sherlock."

Paige smiled. "Thanks Watson."

_"No, Piper, it's gonna have to wait. There are innocents in danger," Phoebe_ protested as Piper said that she needed her help.

_"Well, what if you revert back?"_ Piper asked.

_"I won't. Look, there's a crazy man with a shot gun, now please send me back," she_ begged.

Piper stared at her sister, a little frazzled. "Why would you choose them over your own family?"

"Well, I think innocents are a little more important," Phoebe said.

"More important than your nephew being chased," Leo asked.

"Yeah, I mean Chris is always being chased by demons. And it's usually his fault too."

Piper scoffed. "You don't even like those people yet you choose them over family."

Phoebe put her hands on her hips in a stern stance. "Sometimes the sake of innocents is more important than family."

Chris coughed and raised his hand hesitantly. "Isn't it the other way around?" Piper and Phoebe glared at him and he shrunk back in his seat.

On the TV, Rick and Phoebe are driving down an alley way in a cop car. "_They should be passing by any minute. You stop up there."_

"_You don't have to do this, you know, you have a choice," Phoebe_ informed.

"_A choice? Here's my choice. Freedom with money to burn, or life in prison."_

"_You won't get life," she_ protested.

"_Maybe not, but I'll get thirty to forty years. That robbery was my third strike."_

"_So you did do it?"_

"_Yeah, but you knew that. Even before you got all grown up." _

"_Don't do this, Rick. Don't make things worse than they already are. Just tell me where Ramona is," she_ pleaded.

"_I get what I want, she'll go free," he_ said clearly stating the ultimatum.

"_I'm not for lack of trying, that's for damn sure. I got a feeling this time it's gonna be different, 'cause I got magic on my side."_

"_God, what happened to you?" _Phoebe asked.

"_Me? What happened to _you_? You're the one who changed. You got all different." _

"All different?" Paige asked with a laugh. "Nice description."

"It's hard to think of a good comeback on the spot," Phoebe defended. Knowing her it's probably happened more than once.

"Not really," Paige said. "Just look at Chris and I, we're masters at it."

Phoebe stomped her foot and pouted. "Not fair!"

"I could teach you," Phoebe's eyes lit up. "But it can't be taught," her smile fell. Paige laughed.

"_Go."_ Rick ordered. Phoebe pulls out in front of the truck so the truck is now following them. "_You're gonna do this just like I said, then you're gonna give me a new face. And not one of them lawyer faces you used, something new. Or Ramona dies, are we clear?"_ Phoebe stops and the armored truck stops behind them. Rick looks in the side mirror. "_Go, go, go," Phoebe_ turns the corner.

"_I can't guarantee you a perfect spell, you know?"_ She told him.

"_What do you mean? I saw you do magic," he_ asked.

"_No, you saw a hormonal teenage witch with no fear of consequences," she_ corrected.

"_Leave the consequences to me_." The armored truck continues to follow them. Rick slams his foot on the break and the armored truck runs into the back of them. "_Go, now!"_

_"Make them see what can not be, flames that leap to make them flee," she_ cast. Flames appear in the truck and the two men jump out of it. One of the men is on fire. "_Oh my god, he's on fire," she_ screamed.

"_Yeah, wasn't that the idea?"_ he asked.

"_No, it was just supposed to be an illusion," she_ panicked.

"Way to go, Phoebe," Chris said. "Not only did you expose magic, but you're a murderer too."

She laughed nervously. "It'll be a great story to tell me kids one day?"

He snorted. "As if Gracie would actually listen to that, she's way too impatient and energetic. I swear it's like you gave her Red Bull in the womb."

Phoebe's eyes widened. "I have a daughter?"

Chris sputtered and coughed, as if she just said that while he was drinking water. "N-no!"

"But," She started with a crease in her eyebrows. "You just said that I had one, Gracie to be exact."

Chris stuttered for an excuse. "I uh just um…..yeah."

Paige laughed. "That made no sense," she pointed out.

"You misheard me," he finally put together. "I didn't say anything about a child."

"Right, you might as well give up, Chris," Piper said with a smile. "It seems that your fantastic lying skills have ditched you."

"No, they haven't!" He snapped. "I wasn't even lying; I didn't say anything about a Gracie."

Leo bit his lip and pulled Wyatt onto his lap. "You sorta did. You said, and I'm quoting here, 'As if Gracie would actually listen to that.' And 'I swear it's like you gave her Red Bull in the womb."

"You have no proof!" He protested while mentally cursing. He really needed to think before he said things or he would end up spilling everything about his little cousins. They sighed and gave up, it was useless.

In the foyer, Phoebe is laying on the floor.

Rick is standing in front of her. _Okay, no more stalling. Do it," he_ ordered.

"_Where's Ramona?"_ She asked.

"_You think I'm stupid? I tell you where she is, I lose my leverage_," he said.

"_What's going on?"_ Paige asked as she walked in.

Rick points the gun at her. "_Who are you?"_

Phoebe gets up. "_Don't. She's my sister," she_ begged.

"_Yeah? She a witch too?" _

"_Yeah," Paige_ answered. "_You could say it runs in the family."_

"_Good. Then maybe she can give me a new face." _

"_You know, we'd been more than happy to give you a new face once you tell us where Ramona is."_ Phoebe said.

"_What the hell. You're my leverage now anyway. She's locked in a tank under the pumping station." _

"_How do we know you're telling the truth?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_You don't," he_ stated. He turned towards Paige. "_Now, my face. Make it different. Heartbreaking, charming, young."_

Phoebe bared her teeth as an idea truck. She looked at Paige who was rolling her eyes.

"_You know, I'm thinking maybe you should use our nephew for inspiration," Phoebe_ suggested slyly.

Paige shrugged and chanted: "_Who you were, you're now another, take the face of Wyatt's brother."_

Rick turns into Chris. He looks in the mirror. "_Yeah, I like it. This'll work."_

Chris' eye crinkled. "Yeaaaaah," He drawled. "I'm not sure whether to be flattered or creped out," he bit his lip and stared at the TV. "I'm gonna go with creped the hell out."

Phoebe giggled "Sorry?"

Paige just smirked as if to say 'That's what you get.'

Paige hid behind the wall. Phoebe follows and Rick looks at them, confused. Three Scabbar demons appear in the room. Rick shoots at them, but doesn't harm them. They spit the green acid goo at Rick which melts him to nothing. The demons disappear. Phoebe and Paige come out from behind the wall.

"_You okay?"_ Paige asked.

"_Yeah."_

"_You know you had to, right?"_

"_I know," she_ said sadly.

Chris nodded. "Wow that was weird."

Piper nodded in agreement. "It kinda was, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Phoebe said. "Watching your nephew die isn't weird at all. It's completely normal."

Paige scoffed. "In this family, it's not out of the ordinary."

Leo scratched his neck. "Hope that isn't how you really die."

Chris shook his head. "Nah, I always imagined myself dying from excessive nagging," he swung his head towards Piper and smirked.

"Hey!" She shouted and chucked a pillow at his head. He ducked and threw it back.

Wyatt's chubby hands reached towards the remote, wanting to watch the death scene over again. Just as he was about to grab it, Leo snatched it and turned the volume up. Wyatt pouted, crap.

On the TV, Piper and Victor are walking towards the door. "_Next time I ask you to drop by I promise I will keep the demonic drama to a minimum."_

"_Yeah, now you know why I don't come around that often." _Victor teased.

"_Dad,"_ She berated.

"_Just kidding,"_ He surrendered. They hug. "_Sort of,"_ Piper laughed. "_Take care of yourself. You've got a great kid growing inside of you. Look forward to really getting to know him someday." _

"_I still can't believe you like Orbing in the future," she_ said. "_Do I live to see that?"_

"_Ooh, nice try. Don't worry so much about the future. Spend time with him while you can, talk to him."_

"_Every moment counts, is that it?"_ She asked.

They walk a couple steps and Piper opens the door. "_Yeah, something like that. Uh, Piper, be careful."_ With that said he left. Piper sighs heavily and walks in the conservatory. Chris and Wyatt are sitting on the floor, playing with toys. She feels the baby kick and she smiles.

"Awe!" Phoebe squealed loudly. She bounded towards Chris and squeezed him. "You and your brother are so cute!"

Paige laughs and jumps on the dog pile. Piper smiled sweetly and Leo chuckles.

Wyatt's chubby cheeks lifted up into an evil little grin. _**"Squish him to death!"**__**

* * *

**_**So there you have it, a very cheesy generic ending. That didn't take so long to update did it? I would have updated faster but I wasn't in the writing mood ya know? I couldn't get off my ass and finish writing those three pages, ha ha. Okay so what episode next? Spin** **City, right? He-he, that'll be fuun. Until next chapter, faithful readers/reviewers. **

**I do not own Charmed it is owned by somebody….I don't know which somebody….but somebody….Brad Kern? Is that it...? *shrug***

**Okay so this chapter, per usual, was beta'd by **_Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell_**. **

**Bye for now! :D**


	19. Chapter 19

Phoebe's arms were wound tightly around Chris's neck while Paige's were at his waist. Phoebe did it out of affection, whereas Paige did it out of the need to make him as uncomfortable as possible. I mean. that's what an Aunt did, right? She was new at this stuff. How was she supposed to embarrass Wyatt when he did that by himself with that ridiculous accent?

Piper and Leo were to busy cooing over how awesome and perfect there family was while their son plotted how to kill them. Perfect right...

Suddenly, a demon shimmered in the corner. He noticed the scene before him and sneered. "Awe, what a Hallmark moment." They didn't hear him though and he walked up to the squeezing bunch and pulled out his camera. "Or would it be Kodak?" He knelt beside them and smiled widely. "Say cheese!" He snapped a picture and looked at it. "So going on this year's Christmas card."

"Ah!" Piper shrieked. "Demon!" She grabbed Wyatt by the feet and brought her to him. Wyatt dangled in the air. Awe crap, he could feel his pants sliding down. "You can't have him."

Phoebe, Paige, and Chris pulled out of the hug. Chris gasped for fresh air. His Aunts were heavily coated in perfume. Or at least Phoebe was. Paige was wearing colon odd...he wiped the pink and red smudge marks off his face. It wouldn't budge! "You guys wear long lasting lip stick, come on! What the hell?" He furiously rubbed his cheeks, nothing.

Piper held her hands up in a defensive manner and Wyatt fell on the floor. He sat up and rubbed his head. Owie. "I suggest you leave now."

The demon whimpered. "I never had a family before!" Tears leaked on his face. "I just wanted one picture for my scrapbook. A-all of the other ones a-are of my clan picking on me." He sat on the floor and stomped his feet and cried harder. "It's not fair!"

"Oh boo-hoo." Paige snapped. "You didn't have a family so what! You had a clan and they picked on you, poor you. My mother gave me up when I was born just so she could have daughters that were the Charmed Ones." She looked towards Piper and Phoebe. "And don't give me that crap about how it was to protect me. The Elders knew I was born from day one and didn't give two shits." She looked back at the nameless wimp of a demon. "And my adoptive parents died of a car crash and I couldn't even tell them that I loved them."

"My older brother's twice blessed, got all of the attention growing up, turned evil, killed my family, and is trying to kill me." Chris said angrily. "And you wanna cry about your life?"

Piper felt like ranting so she called. "Cry baby!" His head snapped towards her. "Ha, you looked! I can't even have a normal day without one of you guys attacking and endangering my family."

"The Elders are always on my ass about being married to a witch that I can't even visit because they pile all of this work on me. Not only that, but I'm immortal and can't grow old with my family." Leo complained.

"My family won't die!" Wyatt gurgled, but nobody could understand him. Maybe when he grows some teeth...

They all looked at Phoebe. "My boobs are to small!" She said. She touched them and motioned towards the demon. "I mean look at these, c'mon! And Piper won't let me get implants. How is some guy supposed to play with these when they're practically nonexistent?" They looked at her incredulously. She laughed. "I mean, I really want a family, but how am I supposed to make one when my magic runs every guy away. Or you evil scumbags kill them?" She said, but it sounded more like a question.

Mr. NoName demon coughed uncomfortably. "I uh, guess I'll just be hittin' the old dusty trail..."

"Oh no ya don't!" Piper said. She flicked her hands and he was blasted into oblivion. "Why don't you complain about your life in Purgatory!"

Leo picked up the list. "Spin City," He grabbed the remote and chose the episode. Although Piper wanted to complain some more, she sat down and watched the show.

Christopher Halliwell sat at the vacant bar of P3. A pile of cards sat in front of him. He shuffled them with his fingers and flipped over a random one. Judgment. He sighed and tapped the edge of the card on the table. The lights flickered on and he turned his head.

"_Dennis, what are you doing here?"_ He asked.

"_I work here, remember?"_ He reminded sarcastically. He picked up a stool, flipped it right side up, and then set it on the ground. He walked walked over to the bar table and flipped another chair.

"_No, I know, I mean, what are you doing here so early?"_ Chris corrected himself.

"_Piper called. Wanted me to set up for the band." _He answered while shrugging.

"_Piper called? From where, the doctors?"_ Chris asked anxiously.

"_I don't know, maybe. Is something wrong? Is she okay?"_

"_Yeah, it's just a regular check up for the baby, I'm sure everything's fine." _He assured.

"Or you wouldn't be fine." Leo added.

"Yeah," Chris said. "I'll be the first to know if I suddenly turn retarded."

"Why would you turn retarded?" Paige asked with a laugh.

Chris shrugged. "I don't know. Mom get's hit in the stomach while demon fighting?"

Phoebe gasped and Piper rubbed her belly protectively. "Well, you'll just stay here. You won't leave for 9 months. We'll set up crystals and conjure up ultrasound machines and-"

"Phoebe!" Piper yelled.

"Yeah?" She asked, snapping out of it.

"I refuse. You can't keep me cooped up in here. And any demons I do come in contact with-"

"Will be sorry that they ever glanced at Piper when she's preggers," Paige finished.

Piper nodded in agreement. Then the sentence actually processed in her head and she faltered. "Wait, what did you just say?"

Paige's eyes went wide. Crap! Crap! Craaap! This is what she meant! "Well, um, you see…." Paige stuttered. She swallowed hard and straitened up. Where did she get this new-found confidence? She glanced at Chris and saw him snickering. He drew an invisible line with his finger across his neck, signifying that she was screwed. "If anyone even looks at you the wrong when you're not pregnant you blow them up, now with all of these raging hormones, crankiness from not sleeping because you were up all night stuffing your face…"

"You're a bitch, no, you're an untamed fury." Leo concluded. Ooops, looks like she's just about to prove his point,

Her eyes blazed and she attacked him. As they land to the floor with a very painful thud, Chris laughs harder and Paige joins him.

Phoebe gasps and tried to hold them back. She retracts her hand and howls in pain. "He bit me! Kick him where it hurts Piper!"

After minutes of fighting, and bitch slapping, not done by Piper, she finally had him in a choke hold. She bites her lip as she doesn't know how to restrain him properly. Her eyes roam the room and land on the rope from where she tied him up earlier. "Aha!" She grabs the rope and expertly chains his hands and feet together.

Paige, thinking how she could possibly make this more humiliating and uncomfortable for him, orbs some more rope and hands it to Piper.

Piper's eyes light up. "Why thank you!" She wraps the thick string a different way between the ropes on his hands and gets him bound to the table. Piper wipes her hands together brushing away imaginary dirt, and admires her handy work. She suddenly grabs her purse and whips out her Sharpie marker. She tosses it to Paige with a "Have at it."

"Oooh!" Paige giggles while sitting next to Leo. She thinks for a moment and enchants the marker to turn into tattoo ink, making it just as painful too. She starts sketching on Leo first with a pencil, oddly.

On the TV, Piper and Paige are talking in the elevator when suddenly Chris orbs in.

"_No, no, no, I just wanted to know how it went with the doctor."_ Chris informed as Paige assumed that he wanted to go on a demon killing spree.

"_Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy."_ Piper said sarcastically. She holds up the ultrasound picture.

He laughs and nods his head. "_That's not what I meant."_

"_I don't see it."_ Paige said with her eyes squinted and her head tilted.

"_Oh, see, it's this little thing right here."_ Piper pointed. Paige shifted her position hoping to get a better look at his nonexistent pe-

"_Whoa!"_ Chris shouts in protested. He snatches the picture from her. "_Excuse me. Do you mind?" _He asks in a really squeaky girly voice. But then he looks at the picture and tilts his head also. Where was it?

The girls snickered at the scene while Chris looked a little embarrassed. "You guys can stop laughing now!" He lashed out.

Piper rolled her eyes. "So what? I mean were just looking at your-"

He clamped his ears shut. "I don't wanna hear it!"

Again, Piper rolled her eyes, he was so over dramatic. "It's not like I won't see it a million times once you're born."

Chris nodded and pursed his lips making a smacking noise. "Yeah, like _that_ isn't disturbing."

On the TV the Piper, Paige, and Chris are in the hospital parking lot, talking about the future, of course.

"_What about your dad?"_ Paige asked.

"_Uh, Leo's not much of a factor."_ Chris admitted.

"_What does that mean?"_

"_I'd rather not talk about it."_ He said.

"_Future consequences?"_ Piper asked, or more like suggested, dryly.

"_More like future issues."_ Chris corrects.

"_Ooh, father-son problems."_ Paige said it made perfect sense now.

It's weird how they didn't notice it earlier. Hostile looks across the room, in the rare times Chris actually looked at him, the refusal of him helping, and loads of other reasons. Sometimes the Charmed Ones are really dense.

"_I have an idea, let's change the subject."_ He said in fake cheeriness.

"_To what?"_ Paige smirked. Suddenly, and creepily, a woman drops in front of them from the roof and Chris pulls Piper out of the way. The woman scratches Chris's neck. "_Extinguisher!" _Paige called. The fire extinguisher flies towards the woman and she jumps over it. Piper tries to blow her up, but she turns into a spider and runs away. Chris helps Piper up. "_You guys okay?"_

Chris touches his neck. "_I don't know. Am I?" _They look at three obvious infected scratches on his neck. "_Am I?"_

"_I don't know." _Piper said. Yeah, that helps.

Chris' face turned from amused to dread. "Ah shit! That was a spider demon and she just infected me."

Piper's mouth dropped. "Chris! Don't swear! We have younger impressionable children present." She scolded while motioning towards Wyatt.

"Really?" He exclaimed. "You're worried about me swearing when a demon just practically made me her minion!"

She shrugged. "It's not like we won't save you, always do."

Chris scoffed and mumbled to himself. "_Now_ she doesn't freak about my well being."

The opening credits roll around and Phoebe starts humming along. Paige winced and closed her eyes. "Oh my gosh!"

Phoebe stopped long enough to ask. "What?"

"Stop singing." Paige said flatly. Phoebe doesn't listen and starts actually singing out loud. Paige groaned loudly. "I think my ears are starting to bleed." She tipped her head and a gush of blood drips out. "See?"

Piper shrieked. "MY FLOOR!" She rushed to go get the mop. When she came back, she dumped some bleach on the floor and furiously scrubbed.

Paige itched her nose. "Um…" She trailed off as blood started dripping out of her nose and onto the floor. "Bleach makes my nose bleed."

Piper yelled and dumped more bleach on the floor. She wiped down the mess only to have more blood drop from both Paige's ears from Phoebe still screeching, I mean singing….and the smell of the bleach.

"I'm starting to see a pattern here…" Leo commented for the first time since being humiliatingly chained up.

In the conservatory, Piper is dabbing Chris' wound with a cloth while Paige looks through the Book of Shadows.

"_Did you find that demon yet?" _Piper asked.

"_Yes, actually, I did. It's the Spider Demon. An evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every hundred years, to capture and feed off the most powerful and magical demon it can detect. In this case that would be you."_ Paige answered, mater o' factly.

"_And me. Sorta." _Chris added.

"_You must be so proud." _Piper said sarcastically.

"_It's kinda creepy how she knew to lay a trap for you. Obviously, she didn't count on us being there." _Paige said, steering the topic back on task.

"_Well, at least there's a vanquishing potion here. Okay, what do you say we make this eight-legged freak wish it'd never been hatched?" _Piper said.

"_Whoa, hold it. You are not going anywhere, Mom, this is way too risky."_ Chris protested.

"_He's actually right. Without the Wyatt force field thing." _Paige agreed.

"_Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?"_ Chris snapped.

"_Aren't there any therapists in the future?"_ She retorted.

"I'm confused." Phoebe said while weirdly raising her hand. When they looked at her she put her hand down and continued. "What does Paige mean by 'without the Wyatt force field thing'?"

"Beats me," Piper replied while scrubbing the floor harder as some more blood dripped out of Paige's nose.

Leo sighed. "Maybe if you guys paid attention then you'd understand. Chris doesn't have power in the womb like Wyatt, making it more dangerous for Piper."

Paige's eyes brows crinkled. "Well uh, that makes no sense. Chris's is the son of a Charmed One and an Elder, while Wyatt may be prophesied; he's the son of a Charmed One and a Whitelighter..."

"Plus, Phoebe had powers from the womb and she's part mortal." Piper put in.

"Yeah, but Wyatt was born on a special day," Phoebe interrupted.

Chris rolled his eyes. "These episodes have been oddly correct in everything so far; however they are not on this."

"What do you mean?" Phoebe asked.

"You'll see." He said with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Don't ya just love it when he doesn't give out the answers straight forward?" Paige huffed.

In the kitchen, Piper is dabbing at Chris' neck while Paige watches.

"_Gentle, please."_ Chris whined.

"_Oh, quit your complaining, I'm almost done,"_ She snapped. _"Paige, could you call the club for me and tell them I'm gonna be a little bit late?"_

"_No, I thought we already discussed this. You're not going anywhere without a force field_." Chris said forcefully.

"_Why? Because it's so much safer here?"_ She asked sarcastically all though you couldn't tell with how mothering and caring her voice was. _"I have to go to work, I booked a band tonight."_

"_Let Paige cover for you."_ He insisted, anything to keep his Mother and, well, him safe.

"_No, I can't,"_ Paige said, as if it was obvious. Shouldn't they know? _"I have to go back to my temp job. I'm already late."_ She said stubbornly.

"_Blow it off."_ Chris said in a duh tone of voice._ "This is more important."_

"_My temp jobs are important. It's how people who need help find me."_

Phoebe crossed her arms in an unfair pout. "How come Paige gets to make an excuse for not helping Piper when she's pregnant, but when I try to I'm the bad guy?"

"Name one time that we accused you of being 'the bad guy'," Leo demanded.

"There was that t-time." Phoebe fumbled with an excuse. "Never mind that! The point is how come Paige isn't objected to helping Piper when she's pregnant, but I am?"

Piper raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "You insist! We don't make you do anything. The only reason Chris asked Paige is because he's an overprotective neurotic 22 year old freak."

Chris winced. He pressed his palm to his chest in false hurt. "Hey, I have ears ya know."

Piper glanced at him with an apologetic face. "Sorry, sweetheart."

Chris smiled, it really did hurt though.

Phoebe pouted once again bringing the conversation back on topic. "Still not fair,"

"He doesn't even know you're pregnant." Paige stated. After suggesting that they call Leo and being shot down.

"Look, I'm not suggesting some sort of reunion..." She backtracked.

"He has been gone for six months. If he's not there for us in the future, why is he there for us now?" Chris interrupted angrily.

Piper puts a hand down to her head, suddenly becoming lightheaded. She sits down trying to make it go away.

Paige walked over to her. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to sit down for a minute."

"Okay, well, I'll go deal with the club; you work on the vanquishing potion and call Phoebe and I when it's done."

Chris sighs and puts a hand to his head as Paige leaves.

"I'll clean up." He stated. Chris closes the first aid kit and lifts his hand up, but the box sticks to his hand. He looks at Piper and back at the box. Stubborn, he puts it on the counter and puts his other hand on the box to hold it down and lifts it again. His hand moves but the box is dangling from the tips.

Everyone stares at the screen until Wyatt interrupts them.

"Spider man," Wyatt screeches happily. Weirdly, he wasn't evil overlord, but the happy 1 year old. He orbs onto Chris's lap. "Spider man."

Chris gets into his head only to find happy little bubbly thoughts. He chuckles and shakes his head. "No, bud, I'm not Spider Man."

Wyatt glowers darkly. A dark shadow crosses his face making him look evil and he pokes Chris' chest. "You Spider Man."

"Okay, okay, I'm Spider Man." Chris backed off.

Wyatt gloated happily. He took Chris's fist in his hand and put the middle and ring finger against his palm. He held his hand out and started making shooting noises.

Leo turned towards Piper, or as best as he could still being chained up. "Has Wyatt ever watched Spider Man?"

Piper shook her head. "Not that I know of, Paige? Phoebe?" They both shook their heads. "Creepy."

On the TV, Phoebe is meeting her date – Mike, or Mitch, whatever the hell his name is – at the restaurant Cafe Le Blue. The place looks suspiciously like Quake…

"_You know, we don't want to waste any time, I think we're both over the serial dating thing, the loveless sex thing."_ Phoebe said.

"_We are?"_ Mik – I mean Mitch, asked. Isn't that what this date was all about? Loveless sex…this is the last time he picks up a girl on Craig's List.

"_Don't you just want a family? Kids?"_ She pushed.

"_I don't know, I-I haven't really thought about it to be honest."_ He stuttered.

Phoebe touches his hand and concentrates. _"Yeah, nothing."_ She stands up._ "Alright, so it's great seeing you, you take care."_

"_But, Phoebe..."_ He protested. Where was the loveless sex? Or at least sex, he took what he got. He hadn't had a girlfriend in months…and if it took some fake I love you's to get some, then he wouldn't be picky.

Phoebe turned around and almost bumped into Chris. _"Chris, hey. Oh my god, you're sweating."_ She said, stating the obvious. _"What happened to your neck?"_

"_Uh, Piper was attacked by a demon. She's okay though. We need you back at the house to help with the vanquishing potion."_ He explained.

"_Okay. Take care, Mark."_ She called.

"_Mitch."_ He corrected uselessly.

A fly buzzes around Chris and he catches it in his hand. He lets it go, totally freaked out. If he turned into Spider Man his Mom would be _pissed._

"_Chris, are you coming or what?"_ Phoebe yelled impatiently.

"_Yeah."_

"Talk about speed dating." Paige commented with a smirk. She crossed her arms. "Plus, isn't that personal gain?"

Phoebe shook her head. "N–no. It's me trying to find the father of my daughter. Soo technically it's for her."

"I don't think They would see it that way." Paige said her smirk deepening.

"Uh!" Phoebe complained childishly. "Nobody asked for your opinion, Paige. Besides, Leo would help me out, right Leo?"

Leo looked up, and bit his lip. He looked at Phoebe, then Piper. "Uh...no...?" He said shakily. Piper nodded in approval.

Paige laughed. "You sure about that."

Leo looked at Piper and shivered. "Yes. Definitely." Piper smirked. He was _so_ whipped.

On the TV, Paige is at P3 sticking to her promise of looking after it. Obviously not watching it well enough, seeing as a leprechaun is in P3 trying to get her attention while she talks on the phone to her boss. Piper would be so proud.

"_Excuse me, Miss Matthews? I hate to bother you, love, but..."_ He interrupted nervously.

Paige pulled away from the phone, not the least bit freaked out about his height. _"Now's not a good time, okay?"_

"_Huh, you're telling me."_ He snorted. He lowered his voice. _"I'm supposed to be a leprechaun."_

She looked at him in disbelief. _"Okay, pal, the bar's not open yet. Why don't you try down the street."_

"_You don't understand."_ He pleaded_. "The wicked witch of the enchanted forest put a dastardly curse on me. I know you helped Shamus." _

Paige looked at his hat and shillelagh. _"Um, let me call you back." _She hangs up._ "You knew Shamus?"_

"It's almost like a subplot." Chris said. "Except don't care at all."

"You should." Leo said.

"Why?" Paige asked. "It's obviously not the main problem of this episode. Magic creatures being attacked by a 'wicked witch'-"

"That seems a little bit of a generic idea by the way." Phoebe butted in.

Paige ignored and continued. "-Or evil spider bitch making Chris her minion and most likely harming us." She held her hands out as a balance and tipped her right hand in favor.

"You need to be a little more sensitive, Paige. These are people who need your help, their lives are at stake."

Chris shrugged answering for his Aunt. "Again, sub plot that I don't really care about. Besides it hasn't happened yet, Paige has about a month to work on developing emotions."

On the TV, Chris guides Piper into the conservatory and turns to face towards her.

"_What is it? What's the matter?"_ She asked. Her head tilts a little. _"Chris, your eyes are dilated."_

"_Are they?"_ He asked the slightest hint of a smirk playing at the edge of his lips.

The camera zeros in on a completely unrealistic spider and a whooshing sound is heard. The spider's head gets bigger until she finally turns into the demon that attacked them in the hospital parking lot.

She smirks and holds her hands out towards Piper. Webs fly out of her finger tips and wrap Piper up. Piper's cocooned body hits the wall and the webs start guiding over her body to make her stick to the wall.

Chris's eyes follow the spinning not making a move to stop it.

"_Okay, we got it. She didn't even-"_ Phoebe announced loudly. She and Paige walked into the living room and they stop abruptly taking in the scene. She looks at the spider demon and finishes the sentence stupidly. _"-faint."_

Paige throws a potion towards the spider demon and Chris's arm shoots out and catches it to protect his master.

"_What are you doing?"_ Paige demanded. Great, now this episode was just gonna be a whole lot more complicated. Not only is there a mythical wicked witch running amuck, but Chris' is protecting an evil demon, which may or may not be a vampire in disguise.

Chris jumps through the air and knocks Paige to the floor and then attacks Phoebe, looking exactly like a ninja while doing it. Phoebe fights back and he drops the potion. The potion rolls over to Paige. Phoebe kicks Chris in the head and knocks him to the floor. Paige throws the potion at the spider demon, missing. She turns back into a spider and crawls away.

TV Phoebe opens her mouth to say something, but real Phoebe interrupts. "Squash it!" Phoebe shifts her position on the couch to where she's holding her knees and pointing towards the TV. "Die, spider, die! Kill it!"

Leo coughed to her attention. It's not like he could get up and slap her seeing as he was still immobile. "Phoebe, the spider isn't real, it's fake. Just look at the TV."

Phoebe sobbed hysterically. "That's the point Not only are spiders entirely creepy on their own, but the person who made this show made the spider with the computer. It looks so scary. Look at how unnaturally big it is and how you can literally see the pixels on the edge of the body."

Everyone squinted trying to see the pixels. Sorry, Phoebe, not everyone has superhero eyesight like you do.

Paige nudged her head in Phoebe's direction. "What's up with her?"

Piper sighed sadly, as if Phoebe had an incurable disease, which she most likely did. Nobody could cure being internally blonde. "Phoebe has had an irrational fear of low budget computer effects ever since Prue made her watch Nightmare on Elm Street a couple years back."

Chris looked utterly confused. "What are you talking about? I saw that movie it was amazing!"

"No," Paige corrected. "It sucked."

"Oh wait," He paused. "I was thinking about the one made in 2010."

"That one sucked too." Paige put in.

"And how would you know?" Chris asked.

She laughed. "You really think I didn't take a couple of sneak peeks at the movies while in that other dimension?"

"_So, do you think we should ask Chris for help?"_ Phoebe questioned. They tried everything and couldn't get the damn web to budge.

Paige scoffed. _"Yeah, let's get the mutant who put her in there in the first place to help."_

"_Missy, that is our nephew, he needs help too."_

"_Okay, fine."_ She relented. _"How should we help? Uh, how about Leo?"_

"_Are you kidding? Piper will kill us." _

"_Well, she can kill us after she's saved."_ Paige said.

"_Paige, Piper doesn't want Leo to know that Chris is his son, okay? So I don't think I can keep that secret_." Phoebe protested.

"Says the one who can't keep a secret to save their life," Piper snorted.

"_Try."_ Paige said simply. She took a deep breath and screeched:_ "Leo!"_

"Oh crap!" Piper complained.

"What?" Paige asked a couple of drops of blood trickling on the floor from the strong smell.

Piper flipped the bleach bottle upside down and tapped the bottom. Nothing came out and she threw her hands up in the air in frustration. Unfortunately, the bottle flew out of Piper's hand and knocked Leo on top of his head.

Paige rubbed her nose some more as the stench was still pretty damn strong. A long streak of red drew across her hand. "Oh, I'm sorry Piper." Paige sympathized. She got up from coloring in Leo's tattoo. Don't worry; the enchantment would go away in 24 hours. The words "I like it in the butt" were written thickly on his forehead.

Paige got up and hugged her sister. Piper sobbed, they were all out of bleach! Paige rubbed circles in her sister's back effectively rubbing off the blood on Paige's hand and staining it on Piper's shirt. Paige checked her hand out and jumped up. "You can take this over, Phoebe."

Phoebe agreed enthusiastically. She sat down next to her sister and assured her that they could get some more bleach.

On the TV, Leo turns around and sees Piper wrapped up in the spider web. _"Ah, the Spider Demon. She cocoons her victims before feeding on them." _He informed calmly.

"_Great, well, can you get her out of there?"_ Paige asked.

"_Uh, well, the only way to get her out of there is to vanquish the Spider Demon. But its okay, the cocoon is meant for preservation, so she's safe for now."_

"_Good, that means Chris is too."_ Phoebe relaxed.

Chris hit Phoebe. "Way to go!"

She rubbed her arm. "Hey I haven't said it yet. Besides, Leo already knows."

"I still can't believe I told you of all people who I was first." He muttered.

"_Chris? He's in there too?"_ Leo asked while trying to figure out how both of them could be wrapped up together in such a small space.

"_No, he's not in there, Leo, he's in the basement."_ Paige answered.

"_Yeah, he was acting a little crazy so I locked him in the basement."_ Phoebe said this as if it was normal.

"_Yeah, after the Spider Demon infected him, he got a little crazy, went after..."_ Paige started but Leo interrupted him.

"_I'll talk to him."_

Piper winced. "He's a dead man."

Chris bit his lip and nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, this isn't going to end well."

"Why?" Leo asked. They all looked at him like he was mentally challenged. "I'm confused, explain."

Paige sighed and decided to take over. "Chris. No. Like. You," She said slowly. "If. You. Open. Door. He. Will. Kill. You."

"I don't understand."

Phoebe rubbed away a headache. "Your idiocy is affecting me in ways you don't understand."

"Wait hold up!" Piper shouted. "You're saying the only reason why you've been acting so dumb lately is because you're sucking up Leo's stupidity?"

Phoebe nodded. "Pretty much."

Paige snorted. "Doesn't explain the 5 years before you got empathy?"

After Chris nearly murdering his Father, Leo orbs into the kitchen breathing heavily.

"_What happened?"_ Paige asked.

"_He attacked me."_

"_I tried to warn you."_ She said dully.

"_He's got issues."_ Phoebe informed helpfully.

"_Yeah, from being infected,"_ Paige hurriedly covered up.

"_No, I think his issues precede that, don't you, Paige?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_Something you're not telling me?"_ Leo questioned awkwardly.

"_Actually..."_ Phoebe started.

"_No."_ Paige said forcefully.

"_Look, he's gonna find out sooner or later and I'm gonna bust."_

"_If he's gonna help us, we're gonna have to tell him."_ Insisted Phoebe.

"_It's Piper's business." _

"_Tell me what?"_ He demanded.

Phoebe turns around and looks at him. She starts shaking. _"Chris is your son." _She blew out a relived breath. _"Don't we all feel better? I know I feel _so_ much_ _better!"_

Leo starts stuttering, literally speechless. _"How..."_

"Damn you, Phoebe!" Chris bellowed. "Damn you!"

"What?" She asked, although even a monkey could figure out why he was mad.

"You told him!"

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "I'm gonna say this slowly for you. He. Already. Knows."

"That's not the point." Chris snapped. "The point is, is that Leo hates my guts."

"Do not!" He shouted in the background.

"No point in lying." He said before getting back on task. "As much as he loves his wife-"

"I really do." Leo said sweetly.

"I'm not untying you." Piper said stubbornly.

"Damn."

Chris coughed to get back their attention. "As I was saying, as much as Leo loves his wife as soon as he finds out that I'm in Piper's womb, he'll throw us both to the hounds."

Phoebe shook her head in denial. "Leo isn't _that_ bad."

"Says you," He scoffed.

On the TV, Chris is sitting in the dark basement moaning in pain.

"_Chris. Chris. Come to me, Chris."_ The Spider Demon cooed. Chris stood up. _"That's right. Over here. Come closer."_ She beckoned. Chris walked over to an archway and spins a web in the corner of it. An image of the Spider Demon appears in the web. _"You are learning quickly."_

"_What did you do to me?"_ He demanded.

"_I think you know."_ She said. _"Now bring me the cocoon."_

"_No." _Chris refused. Suddenly he groaned in pain and fell to his knees.

"_You can't resist it, what's happening to you. Don't fight it, embrace your new powers. Use them."_ She soothed.

"_I don't understand."_

"_You will, my sweet. All in good time_." She chuckles. _"All in good time."_

Chris stood up and pulled down the spider web in anger.

"Didn't I ever tell you not to talk to strangers?" Piper scolded.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yes, and you also told me to ignore anything a demon ever said." He paused and bit his lower lip. "You also said that I shouldn't start drinking until 21, but I completely disregarded that suggestion."

She hit him. "Bad!"

"Hey," He whined. "It's not my fault. Every once in a while when you live in a world where your older sibling is trying to kill you, and the rule is that demons shall always go first, you need to hit the booze once in a while."

"They have alcohol in the future?" Paige asked.

"No." Chris said dryly. "They run out in '08."

"Screw therapy." Paige continued as if he said nothing. "Budweiser is all I need."

On the TV, Leo stupidly went to Gideon for help at Magic School and of course he's scolding him._ "Leo, this is a serious matter, and one that we have been over countless times. You abandoned the other Elders without so much as a warning."_

"_Yeah, well, something came up."_ Leo explained with a hint of defensiveness in his tone.

"_You can't just pop on down whenever you feel the need arise. You're not just putting yourself at risk; you're putting all Elders at risk too."_

"_I'm trying to save my son."_ Leo said frustrated.

Gideon faltered. _"Wyatt? Has something happened to him?" _

"_No, not Wyatt, to Chris."_ Gideon's eyes squinted in confusion. _"I know, I just found out myself, I don't have time to explain. If I don't find the demon that hurt him, I may not be able to figure out why he hates me so much."_

"_Hates you?" _Gideon repeated.

"Isn't it funny how Gideon just looks so angry that someone got to Wyatt before him?" Chris asked.

Piper unwrapped herself from Phoebe's clutch and snatched Wyatt up. "Nothing's going to happen to my baby boy."

Paige snorted. "Says the one who practically dropped him on his head no more tha, an hour earlier."

Wyatt struggled to get out of Piper's iron-clad grasp desperate for oxygen. He finally orbed out and onto Paige's lap. He sucked in the air greedily.

"Hmm," Phoebe mused. "That just proves Paige's point."

Piper crossed her arms angrily and blew out a huff of air in reply

Leo orbs out and Sigmund walks back into the room. _"Chris is his son too?"_

"_Apparently,"_ He confirmed. _"Actually, come to think of it, that does explain why he came all the way from the future to save Wyatt."_

"_Save him from us you mean."_ Sigmund corrected.

"_If he knew he wouldn't still be searching. When the time is right, Wyatt will be sacrificed and the greater good will be served."_ Gideon said with complete authority in his voice.

Chris pumped his fist in the air. "I was right!" He turned towards his Father. "And you were wrong." He said smugly.

Leo sighed. "Yes, yes, I get it. You win."

"You sure are a smug little prick." Paige commented.

Chris shrugged. "I get it from my Dad."

"Hey!" Leo protested. "Not nice."

On the TV, Chris morphs into spider form and sneaks into the living room, he changes back to his human self. He looks horrible. His face is all gray and chalky, his eyes are blood shot. Chris makes a grab for Piper, but Phoebe and Paige rush into the room.

"_No!"_ Phoebe shouted.

Spider webs shoot out of Chris's hands and hits Phoebe, sticking her to the wall by her wrists. Paige throws a potion at Chris and he covers it in spider webs. He then sticks Paige to the wall also by the wrists.

"_Chris, stop, this isn't you."_ Leo pleaded.

"_Wanna bet?"_ He asked while barring sharp pointy teeth. He pushes Leo against the wall by his throat.

"_Chris, don't."_ Phoebe begged.

"_He's your father."_ Paige added as if that made it any different. Chris throws him up the stairs and sticks him to the wall with spider webs. He walks over to Piper and orbs out with her. Paige sighed. _"Bug spray, we should have used bug spray."_

Piper smacked Chris. "Ow! What was that for?"

"That was for handing me over to a demon." She then thought for a moment and hit him upside the head. "And that was for choking your Father."

Paige and Phoebe cleared their throats.

"Oh yeah," Piper said. She hit him once again. "That's for trapping your Aunts." She held up her hand again. "And this is for-"

"Oh will you stop!" Chris snapped. "If you hit me for everything I wronged you for while in the past, I would be battered and bruised." He rubbed his head. "I think I feel a knot forming."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Baby."

On the TV, Paige, Phoebe, and Leo are talking over how the hell they can get down. Phoebe's eye catches the shillelagh on the table. _"Maybe with a little luck,"_

"_Shillelagh,"_ Paige called. The shillelagh orbs and taps on the floor three times. A rainbow appears and so does Riley.

"_Somebody called."_ He asked.

"_Hey, over here."_ Paige said.

He turns around and starts laughing. _"Now there's something you don't see every day."_

"_Yeah, thanks a lot. Can you just get us down from here, please?"_ Paige asked.

"_I can try, but as you know, luck can go either way. Good or bad. Take your chances."_

"_Yeah, well, we'll take our chances."_ Phoebe said.

Riley pulls out a piece of gold. _"Very well. Slainte is tainte!" _He called. Paige falls from the wall and lands on a table, smashing it. Riley chuckles. _"I tried to warn you, love."_

"Ha!" Phoebe laughed. "That's what you get."

"What'd I do?" Paige demanded.

"It's called Karma, Paige." Phoebe said. "With all of those snide remarks, it was about damn time it came back and bit you in the ass."

"You guys just can't take jokes." Paige denied. "And if anybody deserves bad Karma in this family, it's Leo."

"Why?" He demanded. "I have been nothing but good to you guys."

"You became an Elder." Piper said flatly. "'Nuff said."

Phoebe, Paige, Leo and an Ogre are standing outside the spider demon's cave. The ogre throws a rock at the cave entrance and the cave's force field sends the rock flying back to the ogre. He catches it.

"_Nice catch."_ Paige praised.

"_Thank you."_

"_So wait, we can't get in?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_No, it's impenetrable. "_ Leo answered.

"_Great plan."_ Phoebe muttered, irritated

"_Well, maybe we can draw her out?"_ Paige purposed.

"_How's that?"_ Leo asked.

"_I could just knock."_ The Ogre suggested.

"_Good thinking."_

"If an Ogre got that, then I see no hope for you guys." Chris said.

"Why are you such a downer?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know, maybe it's because my older brother has a bounty over my head…" He trailed off sarcastically.

"Well," Phoebe said testily. "If you're in this family, then you're just going to have to get used to it."

The Spider Demon walks through the spider web and glares at the Ogre. _"You're pissing me off, you know."_

"_Yeah, that's the idea." _Paige spoke up from behind her.

"_You think you can take me? Without your sister?"_ She asked mockingly.

"_We're just gonna have to see. Now!" _

The fairy flies in front of the spider demon's face. The Spider Demon swats her away and hits Paige across the face making her land on the ground.

Phoebe kicks the demon and a nymph comes out of the bushes and throws the potion at the spider demon. It misses when she turns back into a spider.

"_Step on her."_ Paige ordered.

The ogre steps on the spider and squishes it into the ground, green guts spurting out beneath his foot.

"_That's gross."_ Phoebe grimaced.

"_Sorry."_ He said sheepishly.

"_No,"_ Leo said firmly. _"This is my responsibility."_

"Why couldn't you just step on her?" Piper asked. "It would have saved so much time."

"Did you see how fast she was?" Paige retorted.

Piper rolled her eyes. "I could have squashed her."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I was wrapped up in cocoon!"

In the cave, Chris stalked towards Leo.

"_Alright, Chris, come on, can we just talk about this a minute?"_ He begged nervously.

Chris grabbed him by the throat and shoved him up against a rock. _"A minute? We have the next hundred years." He hissed._

"You're a dead man." Piper repeated.

"Why am I a dead man?" Leo asked. "All I'm trying to do is patch up things with my son."

"My point exactly," Piper said.

Chris winced. "Yeah, sorry, Dad, you're just not the most favorite person of mine."

"I'll make it up to you!" Leo said. "'Member um, that time you wanted a, uh, baseball bat? I'll get it for you!"

"That doesn't count." Chris said. "All little boys want a baseball bat as a child. And besides, I wanted an apron."

"Then I'll by you one!" He said desperately.

Paige let out a snort of laughter. "An apron, seriously?"

"I enjoy cooking!" Chris snapped. "Mom got me into it."

Phoebe started laughing along. "Sorry, hon, but no straight man likes to cook."

Piper glared. "That's such a stereotype!"

Phoebe and Paige both straightened up. It was best just to agree with Piper.

Once again in the cave, Leo is stuck to the wall by spider webs.

"_Well, at least we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other…"_ he said darkly. _"Dad."_

"_See, that's what I'm talking about. That's not the demon talking, that's you talking, Chris. It's not too late; you just have to fight it."_ Leo said pleadingly.

"_Why fight it when I've already won?"_ He asked. He throws out more spider webs which covers Leo's hand.

"_Tell me why you hate me so much, Chris. Huh? What did I do to become such a bad dad?"_

"_It doesn't matter anymore."_ He snapped.

"_No? The hell it doesn't. Deep down you hate my guts. Huh? Admit it. Come on, admit it. What, you afraid?"_ He asked.

Chris walked up in front of Leo. _"I'm not afraid of you."_

"_No? Then why don't you tell me what I did to you? What, did I miss a school play? Did I take away your favorite toy? Did I play favorites with Wyatt?" _The last part struck a chord and Chris grabbed Leo angrily. He threw him across the room and ran over to push him against the wall. He throws him across the room. _"Chris, don't!"_

"_You don't know me."_ Chris said while punching him in the stomach. Blow after blow came until he finally threw Leo over his shoulder, making him land on the ground.

"Ha!" Chris laughed. "Ha-ha-ha," He laughed harder gasping for breath. "Oh man!"

Piper hit him. "Stop laughing! It's not funny!"

Paige started laughing also. And Phoebe soon let out a quiet chuckle, but smartly held back the rest of her mirth.

"Why are you guys laughing? My husband, your brother-in-law and Father is hurt." Leo was touched by how concerned Piper was.

"He's been asking for that ass kicking for a while now." Chris said through shallow breaths. "I only distributed it a little bloodier that you would have preferred."

"_Give me that."_ Piper said, holding her hand out for the yellow antidote.

"_What? Why?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_So I can take it."_ Piper said in a 'duh' tone.

"_What?"_ Paige said stupidly.

"_You've been saying whatever happens to little Chris happens to big Chris, and that's what you've been so worried about."_ Piper hurriedly explained.

"_So?"_ Paige trailed off, not getting the point.

"_So if I take this, then the baby's inoculated and Chris is just fine, right?"_

"_Do you follow that?"_ Paige asked Phoebe.

"_Not a word."_ She replied.

"_Just give it to me."_ Piper huffed. She snatched the vial from Phoebe and drinks it.

The screen cuts to the cave where Chris is still kicking Leo's ass.

"_You don't know me, you don't know me! You don't know me!"_

Chris turns back to normal and the spider webs blocking the entrance disappear. Chris looks down confused, shrugs, and continues to punch Leo in the face. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.

"_Chris, no! Chris! Chris, look at me!"_ Piper ordered. She grips his hands and pulls him away from Leo. _"It's okay. It's over."_

Chris stares at her, and then at Leo, his face barely bloody at all, which was odd seeing all of those hits directed at his face. Chris snatches his arm away from her grasp and walks out of the cave.

Paige laughed. "It's funny how he just keeps beating the shit out of Leo, isn't it?"

"It was amusing." Chris agreed. "Sadly, it'll never happen."

They tiredly watched as Piper and Leo talked in Magic School, apparently Piper was going to be living there now. For her, Chris, and Wyatt's protection.

"Ha!" Piper scoffed. "You couldn't pay me to live there."

"I think it's the only way we _got_ you to live there." Leo muttered.

The scene changes to Phoebe and Paige at P3, Phoebe on another date with some guy she really doesn't like.

"Oh he's cute." Phoebe commented. "I will so have to call him up." She squinted at the TV. "What was his name? Rick?"

"No, no." Paige shook her head. "I think you said his name was Nick."

"Ron." Leo corrected.

"Oh." Phoebe said distastefully. "Well, we'll just have to talk about changing that name."

The picture changes for the last time, settling on Chris at the Golden Gate Bridge.

"_Can we talk?"_ Leo asked, fully formed.

"_There's nothing to talk about."_ Chris said.

"_I think there is. Quite a bit, actually."_ Leo said.

"_It doesn't matter."_ He muttered.

"_It does to me, Chris. You're my son. I think I deserve to know what I did that's so bad."_ Leo said stubbornly.

Chris sighed. _"You were never there for me_." He admitted. _"You were there for everybody else. For mom, Wyatt, half the world, but you were never there for me. You didn't have the time."_ He said sourly.

"_So maybe you came back from the future not just to save Wyatt, maybe you came back to save us too_." He said in a desperate tone.

"_I doubt it."_ Chris scoffed. And then he orbed out.

Paige stared at the TV, her eyes half lidded. She fell over on the couch and jolted awake. "Wow that was boring."

Piper rolled her eyes. "That's just because you don't like sad mushy stuff."

"That too,"

"I'm tired!" Phoebe declared. She looked at Paige. "Orb me to my room?"

"It's not like I have anything better to do." Paige grunted. She held her hand out to Phoebe and orbed.

Chris got up and stretched. He ruffled his older brother's hair. "See ya later,"

Wyatt glared at him and made him trip mid-orb. _**"Arse hole."**_ Yes, his thoughts were British.

"C'mon, sweetie." Piper cooed. "We can watch some more of this tomorrow. You missed your nap anyway." She shifted him on her other hip and walked up the stairs, remembering to turn the light off.

Leo sat in the dark, chained up, with _"I like it in the butt"_ temporarily tattooed on his forehead. His life sucked.

* * *

**So there you have it people. I hope you enjoyed it. :D I had some fun writing it. I need inspiration, people! I want you guys to leave me the most spazzed out awesome review ever! And I'll see you next chapter.**

**This story was beta'd by my awesome beta: **_Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell_

**I still don't own Charmed. You'd think I would by now. I mean if I did own it, it would be so much more entertaining. Chris wouldn't have died, Leo would get hit in the nuts once a week, but alas, I don't own it. So I just fix it up a little. **

**Thanks for reading! What are they watching next chapter? **_It's a bad, bad, bad, baaaaad World. Part 1. _**Awe, Chris dies that episode. How sad. :(**


	20. Chapter 20

Leo's eyes fluttered open to blue and white orbs in his line of vision. Confuzzled-ish, he murmured, "Hey, man! You're interrupting my meditation! Shoo!"

Chris formed in the middle of the room sending a questioning glance towards his father. "What are you doing?"

"I'm stuck." Leo explained helplessly. He tugged at the ropes to prove his point.

"I can see that," Chris replied in annoyance. Gosh, his father could be so stupid sometimes. No, wait... this was nothing new. "But what are you doing?" he continued.

"I'm trying to become un-stuck," Leo declared triumphantly, before drooping and muttering, "And it ain't going so well..."

"Have you been like this all night?" Chris asked. He sat on the couch making no move to help him.

Leo nodded. "Pretty much," He gave another effortless yank at the rope. "I don't even understand what I did wrong."

"You know Mom." Chris shrugged. "She's a grudge holder. Besides, why didn't you just orb?"

Leo stared at him blankly. Realization dawned on him. He was such a dumb ass.

He closed his eyes and orbed over next to Chris. The ropes stenciled out his shape before falling to a heap."MUCH BETTER!" he exclaimed with glee, doing the running man, and lip syncing to music only he could hear. Unfortunately for Leo, fortunately for Chris, who was watching in amusement, he tripped and fell...right on to a lamp. Then, his arm got caught on the pole part of the lamp. "Uh, some help here?" he squeaked.

"Being that stupid you deserve to be chained up," Chris muttered. He shook his head and looked up at his Dad. "I'm gonna go wake up the girls."

"Can you help me out first? Chris? Chris? CHRIS!" Leo shrieked. Then, he sniffled. "Aw, crud-sickles, this is no fun..."

"Aunt Paige," Chris whispered while shaking her shoulder. "Get up."

Paige turned over and hit him on the head. "Go away."

Chris rolled his eyes and yanked the covers off. His eyes went wide and he orbed out immediately.

Paige groaned in protest and tried to grab back the heat. "Fine," She snapped. "I'll get up!"

"AND PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON!" his voice echoed through the room.

She looked down at her skimpy lingerie. "Well, at least I wasn't in the nude. It could've been worse..."

Chris walked across the hall and opened up the door. Phoebe was already awake. She was dressed in 'work' clothes. A pencil skirt, a blouse, and her hair was done up in a messy bun. She sat crisscrossed on her bed, typing away at her computer.

"Work?" He asked.

She glanced at him dazed and then shook her head. "No, I'm trying to find out more about this Alyssa Milano character."

He laughed. "You're cyber stalking yourself?"

"Well technically," She explained. "She's not me. She just plays me in another dimension."

"Like that's any less creepy."

She looked up at him again. "Did you know that she likes baseball?"

"No." He shook his head. "But that's because I just learned about her a day ago, and didn't stay up all night obsessing over her."

She chucked a pillow at him and stuck her tongue out when he ducked. "Whatever." She snapped the laptop shut. "I'm going to go make some coffee. Want some?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm good. However, it's great to see you without Leo's stupid influence."

"I know, it's such a relief. Can we get the ass some smart pills or something? Or at least give him a damn Empath blocking potion? It sucks!"

"I'll look into it," Chris replied with a wink, orbing off... again...

Piper lay strewn across her bed, snoring loudly.

Chris winced at the noise. "Mom!"

She just rolled over.

Suddenly a bouncing figure orbed on her stomach. Wyatt jumped off her stomach and onto the bed, oddly causing Piper to fly off the mattress and land of the floor.

"Well that saved me a lot of time." Chris said as he turned around and walked out the door.

Phoebe bounded into the living room looking like a puppy on crack. "Coffee," She offered.

Leo took a cup. "Thanks."

She held out a cup to her sister. "Paige?"

"Does it have any alcoholic substance in it?" She asked.

"No." Phoebe said.

"Then go away." Paige snapped bitterly.

"You're sober, remember Paige?" Leo reminded nervously. "You stopped drinking a while ago."

"Says you," She muttered.

Chris walked into the room, jumping on the couch, and snatched the last coffee from Phoebe. "Any inebriating liquid in it?"

"No." Paige pouted.

Chris thrust the drink back into Phoebe's hand. "No thanks!"

Piper, having heard the conversation, smacked him on the head. "You're too young to drink." Wyatt giggled at the sight of Chris wincing.

Piper pushed Chris over and sat next to him. She sat Wyatt on top of her lap, brushing his hair with her fingers. "What episode are we watching?"

Leo picked up the list from 'Santa' and looked it over. "It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World."

"How cheerful," Paige commented. She cocked her head. "Have you ever noticed how all of the titles of these episodes are referring to some type of movie or show?"

"Yeah," Phoebe said. "I think it's clever."

Leo snatched the remote up and clicked the episode. "Then our views are completely different."

On the TV, in Magic School, Chris is standing on a ladder looking at books. He pulled a book out while Paige and Gideon below wrote a spell.

"_You know, your time travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling."_ _Chris scoffed._

"_Googling?" Gideon asked slightly appalled and slightly confused._

"_Never mind."_ _Chris sighed while stepping down. __"__Any luck with that spell yet?"_

"_You mean since the last two minutes you asked me?" Paige asked annoyed._

"_Look, I'm just getting nervous here, okay?" He defended.__ "__My birthday is in two days, and if I'm not outta here before I'm born…"_

"_What? Something bad you don't know about could happen?"_

Leo looked thoughtful. He finally spoke up after. "What's googling?"

Phoebe gasped and turned towards him. "You don't know what Google is?"

Paige's mouth dropped. "Shame on you!" She scolded.

"It's only the website I used to get all of the answers to my homework." Chris said.

Piper's head swung towards Chris. "What?"

"Nothing!" Chris tried to cover up. Keyword: tried. "I didn't say anything."

"Once you come outta here." Piper said while pointing towards her stomach. "You're grounded for life."

"Oh I love that show!" Paige shrieked. They all stared at her. "What…" She trailed off. "It's a good show."

Chris sighed in disappointment, but then shrugged when he remembered about Bing.

"_What's the matter? Isn't the spell ready?"_ _Leo asked._

"_I think it's ready. It should work."_ _Gideon answered._

"_Should work?"_ _Leo asked, panicked. __"__What do you mean?"_

"_Well, there are no guarantees with time travel, Leo. You should know that better than anyone."_ _Gideon snapped. Leo blew a breath out and Piper gave him a look. "Sorry." He apologized in a softer tone. __"__There's always a chance that something might go wrong."_

"_All right. We're not taking any chances."_ _Leo said._

"_We might have to."_ _Chris cut in. "I'm running out of time here."_

"_No. I'm not sending you through a one-way portal unless I know where you're gonna land."_ _Leo said forcefully._

"Someone get a crash course in being a Dad?" Paige asked imply.

Leo winced and tried to hide a look of hurt.

Piper's mouth dropped open. She pushed Chris over and sat next to Leo rubbing his back in comfort. "That was un-called for, Paige."

Chris snickered, "Well, it's _true_."

She turned around and glared at Chris. "He is trying the best that he can. He's been an amazing Father to Wyatt-"

"Exactly. _Wyatt_," Chris interrupted.

Her glare turned hotter and she continued. "And just because he wasn't the greatest Dad to you in the future, doesn't mean anything about him now!"

Chris rolled his eyes and crossed his arms stubbornly. "He could be worse, I guess."

"_You did clean out the nursery, right?" Piper asked her youngest sister._

"_Yeah." She said defensively. __"__No. I was working on the spell. I'm sorry."_

"_Well, you better hurry, or else Baby Chris will be sleeping in your room."_ _She threatened._

"_Yeah, don't worry. I'm all over it."_ _Paige promised. She walked over to their luggage bags and orbed them out._

"_Don't forget diapers. Lots of diapers." Piper called._

_That was the breaking point for Chris. "Okay. Gotta get outta here."_

"Is that a threat?" Paige demanded. "Did you just threaten me?"

Piper rolled her eyes. "You're _so_ over dramatic."

"Chris would never sleep in my room. I don't care if he is my nephew."

"Hey," Chris interrupted. "I'm not happy about this either."

"Really?" Phoebe butted in. "'Cause I beg to differ."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris asked.

"Well," She started awkwardly. "In 'Oh My Goddess' did you notice the looks you were sending Paige? So I beg to differ. I think that you are ecstatic that you get to bunk with Paige."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Leo shouted. "You're saying that Chris wants to share a room with Paige because he secretly wants to-"

Paige finished for him. "-bump uglies with me?"

"You do know that it was baby Chris that was going to move in with her, right?" Piper asked. She held back the bile in her throat from thinking about her son and her sister 'bumping uglies'.

"I stick by my statement." Phoebe said stubbornly while crossing her arms.

"That's all the 'sticking' that will be done here people! Seriously, eww!" Chris exclaimed. "And, by the way, I was not sending her any looks! So, get over it! You were the one flirting shamelessly."

"I was the Goddess of LOVE, stupid!"

"Bite me!"

"Maybe Paige would if she were still a vampire!"

"Well-"

"OH SHUT UP YOU TWO!" Piper exclaimed. "Phoebe, you can't let Leo's stupidity get to you! It's not healthy!"

"_Hey, Mrs. Noble. What's up?"_ _Phoebe greeted her neighbor._

_Mrs. Noble started walking down her driveway. "What's up is you parked in my driveway again."_

"Hmmm, well isn't she just the bitch?" Chris observed, shaking his head.

"SHHH!" Phoebe screamed, looking around frantically. "She might hear you..."

"_Yeah. Unfortunately, there's nowhere else to park." Phoebe explained._

"_So I should suffer?"_

"Be-otch!" Chris repeated sing-songedly.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" Phoebe hissed nervously.

"_Well, you know, Piper's bringing home the baby in a couple of days, and I did a little shopping…"_ _Phoebe held up her shopping bags to prove her point._

"_This is getting to be a real problem."_ _She complained while rubbing her head._

"Buh-buh-buh-bitch!" Chris said, again, grinning widely.

"Okay, you know what, I am sure you want to die now. I'm gonna bet that even on the show you are gonna die, because you couldn't keep your mouth shut!" Phoebe growled, twitching with anxiety.  
_  
__"__You know what? Just do me a favor. Let me run inside and put these bags down, and then I'll come outside and move the car."_ _Suddenly a police car pulled up. "You called the patrol guy?"_

Looking at Phoebe, Chris grinned and opened his mouth.

"Oh, no! Don't you even-" Phoebe started.

"BITCH!" Chris exclaimed, then snickering, orbed next to his mom for safety.

"_This is the third time this week you've blocked me."_ _Phoebe growled._

"Yeah, well if your dumpster didn't take up half the block, then I wouldn't have to park in your driveway."

Phoebe glared at the screen, her Chris-caused qualms forgotten. If she had Piper's power, the TV would have combusted by now. "I hate Mrs. Noble."

"Yeah, she's a bitch." Paige agreed, then giggled. "Sorry, had to. Anyway, I swear to the Elders if she doesn't move that damn garbage truck then I'll orb a knife into her stomach."

Wyatt giggled maniacally. Piper's head snapped up and she narrowed her eyes at Paige. "Don't swear in front of Wyatt."

"But your son just did!" Paige whined.

"So? He gets away with it."

"But-"

"No... but while I'm at it," Piper continued, thoughtful, "Don't mention any killing either."

"Like anything will change if you don't," Chris muttered, "That boy is twisted."

_TV Paige and Phoebe were in Piper's room chatting while trying, and failing, to put baby Wyatt's – now Chris's – bassinet together._

"_Well, I guess I can sleep on the couch. I just really think we need to focus on the baby right now."_ _Phoebe said._

"And on getting Chris home." Paige added and then smirked. "Oh, remember him? You know? The nephew? The one you've been avoiding?"

_Phoebe paused in trying to put together the bassinet and stared at Paige. _"_I am not,"_ _she denied.____"Okay, so why weren't you helping Gideon and I with the spell?"_ _Paige asked smugly while crossing her arms. She knew she had won.__down and changed the subject. "You're right. You know what? We're just gonna get Chris a new bassinet."  
_  
"You're ignoring me?" Chris asked in mock hurt. He held his hand to his heart and said, "Why Aunt Phoebe? What have I done?"

"Because I was helping Leo trying to find the burdock root. It was very hard to find. It's back-ordered everywhere." She explained with that childish lit she gets when she's extremely defensive. She puts the bassinet

She stared at him and began bawling. "I'm sorry, Chris!" She dropped to her knees, groveling. "Forgive me!"

Piper and Paige stared at the scene critically. Piper looked towards Leo who looked extremely sad and guilty. She hit him upside the head. "Stop sending your feelings toward Phoebe!"

"Yes," Paige agreed. "She doesn't need any more girly, sappy feelings in her body."

Leo ducked his head sheepishly and cut off his feelings the best he could, which wasn't very well seeing as Phoebe kept crying.

"_We never fight, that's the thing. At least we never used to, but lately, Darryl's just been so on edge, you know?"_ _Sheila said. She showed up on the Charmed Ones doorstep crying her eyes out._

"_Any idea why?"_ _Phoebe asked._

"_Actually, I was hoping you might know."_ _She admitted._

"_Me?"_

"No, the person behind you," Paige commented sarcastically.

"_I went to his work the other day, just to say hi, and I saw an arrest warrant on his desk, for Chris."_

"Oh my God, why would Darryl do that?" Piper cried out.

"Maybe because Chris is an arrogant little fool who tends to do idiotic and suspicious things?" Paige suggested nonchalantly. "But what would I know, I barely know the kid."

"I'm not arrogant." Chris denied. "And I'm not suspicious. Name one suspicious thing I did."

Phoebe laughed. "Well that's not very hard. You came here. 'Nuff said."

"That's not suspicious. That's just annoying." Paige informed her.

"Will you guys stop bashing my son?" Leo asked, nay, _ordered_, of the sisters.

Piper scoffed. "And what have you been doing ever since he got here?"

Chris smiled smugly. "Yeah, Dad."

Leo looked down sheepishly. "Bashing my son."

_At Magic_ _School, or Hogwarts, as someone (Paige) likes to call it, Chris is drawing the triquetra on the wall in chalk._

"_I wonder how different the future's gonna be, how much different my life is gonna be."_ _Chris mused. He took a step back and Leo walked up to him._

"_I just want you to get home safely. Now remember, if anything seems different, we have another vial of this to get back right away."_ _He reminded him._

"_You worry too much, you know that? I'll be fine."_

"_I'm your father. It's my job to worry. Now listen, when you get back there, you gotta take it easy on Wyatt, okay? You can't hold a grudge."_

"_Hey, as long as he's not Ruler of All Evil, I'm cool." Chris stated with a smile.  
_  
"_I'm serious."_ _Leo said sternly._ "_He's gonna be different. Good. He's not gonna remember he wasn't. So if you really want to change the future, you gotta start with a clean slate."_ _Leo asked.  
_  
"_Like you and mom."_ _Leo turned around at that, clearly not wanting to discuss it. "Look, all I'm saying is I'd like to know where you two are headed before I go back, that's all."_

"Okay. Okay, I get it. How about you? Are you starting with a clean slate?"

"How do you mean?"

"_It's complicated. I'm an Elder. I made a commitment."_

"Hey! Bozo! You made a commitment to me, too remember?" Piper growled.

"But- but that isn't me! That's the show!" Leo defended.

"That's what she said!" Paige whispered to Chris, and they both started cracking up.

"WHAT?" Leo blurted, clearly disgruntled.

"That's what she said, too," Chris whispered back, bringing about another giggle-fit.

"Hey, cut that out!"

"SHE SAID THAT TOO!" Paige whispered, well, sort of, and they both fell over laughing._"__So? It's not like you haven't broken the rules before. I'm living proof of that."_ _Chris protested._

"_Yeah. We'll see. Listen, we have enough of this stuff if you want to try a dry run before everybody gets here. What do you think?"_

"_Yeah. Let's do it."_

_Leo threw the potion at the triquetra. Before it hit the wall, the potion broke, looking completely computer operated. Leo and Chris sighed and folded their arms simultaneously._

"That should have worked. I'll get you home, buddy, I promise."

Leo turned away. After a moment, Chris does also. Drops of blood appeared on the floor, heading out the door.

Piper turned her body towards Leo and slapped him on the arm, before continuing her rant. "And where do you get at, saying that you're not sure about us because of the Elders?"

"Well, honey, you know how the Elders are. And seeing as I'm an Elder now too-" She cut him off by blowing him up. "Ouch! What was that for?"

"I don't care what you say! You know that it's always me before the Elders!" She snapped and then blew him up again.

"You know what I think?" Phoebe asked.

"Nobody really cares, but proceed." Paige said.

"That Chris and Leo looked so adorable when they crossed their arms at the same time!" She squealed.

_On the TV Gideon is talking to himself in a mirror, but not himself, a more evil self. Yes, it's very weird. Especially since the guy in the mirror looked like Severus Snape with a few scars, and a nose ring.  
_  
"Okay, I'm just gonna get this out here, that dude SCREAMS pedophile!" Chris blurted.

"Chris! That dude is an Elder! And my mentor," Leo exclaimed.

"No, no, think about it. He runs a boarding school. For children. He has a nose ring. Ped. O. Phile. Pop," Chris insisted.

"He doesn't have a nose ring, that guy in the mirror does."

"Well, don't mirrors like, show your soul or something?" Chris asked.

"Some do..."

"WELL THEN HE'S A CLOSET PEDOPHILE!" Chris insisted.

Everyone ignored Leo as he spluttered indignantly, trying to find a better excuse for his mentor's pedo-ness.

"_At least now they'll be forced to use our spell." _Gideon said.

"_The sooner the better. Wyatt's magic grows stronger by the day."_ Evil Gideon said darkly.

"Cough, cough, pedophile, cough," Chris interjected.

"_That much power in one being…"_ Gideon trailed off in amazement.

"_Is bound to turn him…" _Evil Gideon continued.

"_Evil."_ Gideon finished.

"_Good."_ Evil Gideon said at the same time. "_We have to get those that protect him out of the way."_

"_Starting with Leo and Chris."_

"It WAS Gideon! I knew it!" Chris shouted smugly. He them hopped up on his feet preparing to orb.

"Where the hell are you going?" Piper demanded while getting up and gripping his ear.

Chris pried her fingers off of him and continued. "To kill the douche bag/pedophile," He said as if it was obvious. He then looked around with distaste. "And then I can finally get out of here."

"Hey we aren't that thrilled that you're here either." Paige informed.

Piper pursed her lips and then kicked Chris in the shin. "You aren't going anywhere!" She snapped as he fell down gripping his leg. "Not until we finish watching this anyway."

Leo sat on the couch crying. "I can't believe Gideon would betray me…I mean us that way! I trusted him, I let my guard down. I was vulnerable and he took my trust and threw it out the window….I mean he did all of that stuff to us…yes, us. Damn pedophile."

"Your mascara's running." Chris joked.

Leo looked alarmed and patted his face. He then laughed sarcastically. "That's funny. I'm wearing water proof mascara."

"Are you gay?" Paige asked bluntly. Leo looked up at her in blatant shock, but said no word to the contrary. The room fell into an astonished silence as everyone stared at him, except for the television

"_Look, Chris is going home today, to his future home."_ Paige explained to Darryl.

"_Yeah, and we were hoping you know, that you could find it in the goodness of your heart, even though we know that you're mad at us, you know, just, throw away his file."_ Phoebe begged.

"_The one with the little arrest warrant in it."_ Paige added.

"_Apparently, I haven't made myself clear. I am done covering for you. Done. Now if you'll excuse me."_ He tried to walk past him but Phoebe stopped him.  
_  
__"__Darryl, think about it. Okay? The cops are gonna come for Chris, and what are they gonna find? They're gonna find a little itsy-bitsy baby."_ _thinks that Chris' breakout was an inside job, which, if I'm not careful, could point back to me. I've got a family to think about too, you know." _Darryl explained. He looked across the room to see Inspector Sheridan. "_Great."_ She stopped next to him. "_Inspector Sheridan."_

"And then they're gonna find us, which risks exposure."

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you broke Chris out of jail. Inspector Sheridan

"_Have you seen Chris lately?"_ Sheridan asked.  
_  
__"__Chris who?" _Phoebe lied.

"_When you have a minute,"_ She said to Darryl and he follows her into the office.  
_  
__"__At least Chris isn't gonna have to deal with her in the future." _Paige said.

"Who said I didn't have to deal with her in the future?" Chris asked. "She's still alive."

"She is?" Phoebe asked, surprised. "I thought one of us would have killed her by now."

"Yeah, you did." Chris said.

"Then how is she still alive?" Leo asked through tears.

"Wyatt resurrected her just to piss you guys off." He clarified. "As you can probably tell by now she's on Wyatt's side."

Paige looked towards her older sister. "You've been rather quiet lately, Piper."

"Huh?" Piper looked up from sharpening a blade. "Oh yeah, I guess."

"What are you doing?" Phoebe asked.

"Getting ready to kill Gideon. If so much as touches a brown or blonde lock on my angel's heads then he will be in big trouble." She growled. "Do you think I should curse this blade?"

Leo looked up in shock and snatched the blade from her. "How dare you, Piper! After everything he's done to me….I mean he's done for me…crap! Done for us!"

They all stared at him. "Dada gay." Wyatt gurgled.

"Pedophile," Chris repeated, shaking his head. He then kneeled down next to his lil' big bro, and lifted his hand, "Right here, Wy."

Wyatt snickered happily and touched Chris's hand with his tiny fist, gurgling, "Twurkey!"

_"__Sorry. I just wanted to go over the spell one more time, make a few tweaks."_ Gideon apologized for being late.

_"__Tweaks? Let me see that."_ Piper said suspiciously. She snatched the spell from his hands just as Phoebe and Paige orbed in.

_"__Finally. Where have you two been?"_ Chris said.

_"__Sorry. We were a little, uh…held up."_ Paige said.

_"__But we're here now, so let's get this show on the road, you know? The clock's a-tickin'. Tick-tock, tick-tock_." Phoebe said awkwardly.

_"__Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye?"_ Piper asked.

_"__Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing."_ Phoebe stuttered.

"I'm confused." Paige said. "I don't speak retard, can someone translate?"

"Sheridan." Piper answered while staring at her blade with a glint in her eye.

"How'd you know that?" Chris asked.

"I've lived with her most of my life. You learn how to detect what she's saying." Piper shrugged. "Hey, Leo, can I ask a favor?"

He sniffled. "Yeah?"

"Does this hurt?" She asked before stabbing him in the stomach.

Leo swore, yes, I know, shocker! The wound magically healed itself. "Thank Me I'm an Elder."

Piper stomped her foot. "Now I'll have to curse it!"

"Uhh!" Leo shouted. "Not nice!"

"Wait," Chris shouted. "Thank me? Do you consider yourself a God? You smug son of a bitch."

"Well, he must be Zeus." Paige said like it was obvious. "How else would he get Piper to sleep with him?"

"Cole too," Phoebe added thoughtfully.

Piper continued to stab Leo's arm hoping that it would stop healing itself. "Don't forget Gideon."

"I think Dan might have slept with him too," Paige said.

"Okay that's enough!" Leo snapped. "I would never sleep with a grease ball like Dan…if I indeed was gay, which I'm not…so it doesn't really matter." He trailed off.

"Notice how he didn't say anything about _not_ sleeping with Gideon or Cole?" Chris stage-whispered.

"_I'll miss you too."_ _Chris said while giving Phoebe a hug._

"_Aw. Here comes the huggin' part."_ _Paige said and then also gave him a hug._

_Chris walked up to Piper and gave her a hug._

"_Thank you for coming here. I love you."_

"_I love you so much, mom."_

"_Now go on. Hurry. You be safe."_ Piper urged.

"_Thanks for all your help."_ _Chris said._

"Wait, wait, wait!" Chris cut off. "What help? All you guys did was whine and groan."

All of the Charmed ones rolled their eyes, not willing to admit that he was right.

"_In this place and in this hour, we call upon the ancient power, open the door through time and space."_ _The Charmed Ones chanted. The portal opened. "Create a path to another place." Chris and Leo walked into the portal._

_Leo and Chris walked through the portal and saw the Evil Charmed Ones and Evil Gideon standing in front of them. Evil Gideon had a hand on Evil Phoebe's shoulder._

"_Where are we?"_ _Chris asked._

_The TV cuts back to the good less creepy Magic_ _School._

"_I have no idea."_ _Evil Leo answered._

"That asshole fucked with our spell!" Paige shouted.

"Great," Chris muttered. "How much do you bet that Piper's going to kill us?"

"Damn, Gideon looks hot." Leo muttered completely ignoring Chris.

"How could you think that Leo!" Chris asked. "He's a pedo-bear and he wants to do stuff to your son."

Leo glared at Wyatt. "You always get everything!"

Wyatt looked up at Leo and smiled innocently he clapped his chubby hands together and laughed almost rubbing it in Leo's face.

"_What the hell was that?"_ Phoebe demanded as she and Gideon got up.

"YEAH! What the hell was that, Leo?" Piper demanded of her husband, mistakenly thinking that the Phoebe that had spoken had been the real Phoebe, in her mad rage.

"Honey, that was the television," Phoebe explained.

"Oh… but WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LEO?" Piper boomed nevertheless.

Leo chuckled nervously and shrugged.

"_I'm not sure."_ Gideon lied.

"_You're not sure? Chris just tried to kill me, and you're not sure? We were supposed to send him back to the future, not turn him into a Darklighter."_ Paige yelled.

"_Excuse me, people. Those were black orbs. Where did they get black orbs from?"_ Piper freaked out.

"_Breathe. Breathe, Piper. You don't wanna go into labor yet."_ Phoebe said calmly while rubbing her stomach.

"_Well?"_ Paige pushed.

"_Perhaps the spell wasn't specific enough."_ Gideon said.

"_Meaning what?"_ Phoebe questioned.

"_Meaning it worked, obviously. It opened up a portal. Not to another time, but to another world. A parallel world, not just any parallel world. One that's the exact reverse of ours."_

"_Reverse like what? Reverse like evil?"_ Paige asked.

"_Precisely. You see, it's all part of the grand design. A universe destined to maintain balance. Light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil. For good to prevail in this world, then an equally evil world must also exist."_

"How could Gideon do this?" Leo sobbed.

Piper glared. "Oh will you _shut_ up?" Suddenly, Leo flew across the room and landed on his head, passing out. Piper's eyes widened. "Holy shit! I have telekinesis!"

Phoebe titled her head in confusion, almost like a dog. "Why would you have telekinesis? Paige already has that."

Chris smirked. "I told you I had powers from the womb."

Paige sighed sadly. "Chris, don't lie. You tossed Leo across the room and made it seem like it was Piper just because you're jealous that Wyatt's more powerful than you."

Wyatt smirked.

"N-no I'm not!" Chris protested. "Even shackle my hands together and blindfold me. I bet you that mom can make something move."

After doing so, Piper glared at a pen, trying to do that unattractive squinty thing Prue did, and the pen didn't budge.

"It didn't work, Chris." Paige said smugly.

"That's not possible."

Phoebe thought for a moment. Now that Leo was passed out his feelings weren't messing her up as much. "I slept with Leo."

"What!" Piper exploded. The pen rose and stabbed Phoebe in the arm. Phoebe scowled as she started to bleed. The pen continuously stabbed Phoebe making ink dots and occasional holes.

"Huh, look at that. It did work." Paige shrugged. She orbed the shackled off and Chris undid the blindfold.

"Told you!"

Piper flicked her wrist trying to blow Phoebe up, but blew Leo up instead. On the bright side, because of that he woke up. On second thought maybe that isn't so good.

_On the Golden Gate Bridge Evil Chris is drinking beer while Evil Leo stands by._

"_You ever see anything so good?"_ _Evil Leo asked with distaste._

"_It's disgusting." Chris replied. __"__Can you believe all the liquor stores are closed in the mornings here? What's up with that?"_

"_Didn't stop you from kicking down the door to get in."_ _He reminded. Evil Chris nodded. "Why didn't you orb in?"_

"_What's the fun in that?"_ _Evil Chris retorted. He took another chug of the beer and then tossed it on the bridge. Evil Leo chuckled._

"Dude…" Paige stage-whispered in awe while looking at Chris, also in awe. "Evil YOU IS AWESOME! Can we trade?"

"_Strange."_ _He commented. __"__Everything seems the same, but kinda different, you know? It's cleaner, it's happier, it's more civilized."_

_They hear a car crash on the bridge below them. "Now that's what I'm talking about." Chris yelled excitedly._

"AWESOME!" Paige repeated.

"_This place makes me sick."_ _Evil Leo growled. __"__I gotta get out of here."_

"_Gives you an idea of what kind of awful, saccharine future I came from, why I had to come back and change it so bad."_ _Evil Chris said._

"_And I'll always be proud of you for that. You saved Wyatt from turning good. You gave us a second chance. The least I could do is get you back to your future, back to evil."_

"_Thanks, dad."_

"_First we gotta get back to our world, though. We're gonna need the Power of Three to do that."_

"_Well, we can't trust those Pollyanna witches."_ Chris said. "_They're too good. God, who do I have to kill so we can get out of here?"_

"AWESOME!" Paige echoed again.

"_I think I might know somebody, somebody we can use to force the sisters to help us."_ Evil Leo said.

"I'm sorry, what?" Paige asked in disbelief. "You don't trust _us? W_e shouldn't trust _you_! You are _not_ awesome!"

"We're the good ones here!" Phoebe shouted.

"Well, you guys are rather suspicious." Chris admitted.

"How are we suspicious?" Piper asked.

"You guys switch from good to evil on a daily basis!" Chris said.

"Because demons, like your little alter ego, make us cross over." Piper said and then motioned towards Leo. "And then your _Father_ has to save us."

Leo rubbed his head. "What happened?"

"Gideon's evil." Paige said. She then mentally cursed. "_**Fuck!"**_

Leo started bawling. "After everything he'd done to me…shoot, I mean for me...Crap! For _us?"_

"Nobody cares, Leo!" Phoebe told him.

_In an alley way Evil Chris smashed a garbage lid over Darryl, who's being held by Evil Leo. Darryl, already beaten to a bloody pulp fell down from that final blow. Evil Chris tossed the lid aside._

"Dude, seriously, you are wicked awesome," Paige continued, staring at Evil Chris on the screen in astonishment. "I bet you get that from evil me…"

"_What the hell's wrong with you? I'm a cop."_ Darryl asked.

"_Pretty wimpy-looking one too, if you ask me." _Evil Leo said.

"_Nothing like our Darryl."_ Evil Chris agreed "_I think that's the cheapest suit I've ever seen. What's the matter, huh? Girls not paying you enough?"_

"Dude, you just dissed Darryl! AWESOME!" Paige. Again. Go figure.

"_Paying me? What has gotten into you?"_ _Darryl shouted._

_Evil Chris grabbed him by the collar. "Let's just say I don't like you coming at me in either world." He threw him across the alley. "This almost isn't any fun." He laughed._

_Darryl grabbed his gun and pointed it at them. "I don't care if you are under some kind of spell. Come any closer, I'll shoot. I swear." He threatened._

"_Gun." Evil Chris called smugly. The gun black orbbed out of his hands and into Evil Chris' hand. He laughed. "Now this is fun." He pointed the gun at Darryl._

"Okay, Chris, you have graduated from awesome, to damn EPIC!" Paige exclaimed, hugging her nephew. "I don't care about Wyatt, YOU'RE MY FAVORITE!"

"Whaaa?" Wyatt whined in despair from his auntie's rejection.

"_Not yet."_ _Evil Leo said. "We still need him for leverage. He's no good to us dead." He paused. __"__Not yet, anyway."_

"DAMNIT, LEO! GOD, you're even irritating when you're badass!" Paige growled, then added, "Although, that could just as well be goth gay _trying_ to be bad ass."

_He handed Evil Leo the gun. Paige and Phoebe orb in behind Evil Leo and Evil Chris. Paige put two crystals down._

"_See? This is the crazy-ass kind of stuff that makes me not wanna have anything to do with you people."_ _Darryl told the two girls._

_Paige orbed out._

"_Who are you talking to?" Evil Chris asked._

"_Us."_ _Phoebe answered._

_They turned around. and Phoebe kicked the gun out of Evil Leo's hands._

"_That's not gonna stop us."_ _Evil Leo said._

_Paige orbed in behind them._

"_No, but…"_ _Phoebe started._

"_This will."_ _Paige finished as she put the crystals on the ground, activating the cage._

"_Son of a bitch."_ _Leo cursed._

_He powered up an energy ball and threw it but It bounced of the cage and flew right back at them._

"_Nice firepower, Leo. I didn't know you had it in you."_ _Paige smirked._

"_Don't go anywhere."_ _Phoebe warned._

_Phoebe and Paige go to help Darryl, but he gets up._

"_Stay away from me."_ _Darryl yelled, scared out of his wits._

"_Darryl, let us take you to Gideon. He can heal you."_ _Phoebe said._

"_No! Stay away!"_

"_Darryl, please." Paige pleaded._

"_I said no! Damn it! Leave me alone. I don't wanna have anything to do with you people anymore. Don't you understand?" With that said he ran away._

"_Well, I don't think that helped our cause any."_ _Phoebe muttered._

"Poor Darryl," Phoebe sighed.

Piper reached her hand over and smacked Chris. "Why would you hurt him_?_" She then got up and slapped Leo also.

"Hey, _I_ didn't beat him, evil me did." Chris protested.

Phoebe snickered. "Badass."

Chris rolled his eyes. "You're so immature."

She stomped her foot. "It's not my fault!" She flew across the room and tackled Leo. "Damn you!"

In the Great Hall, Paige and Phoebe are there, as Gideon enters.

"_Did you catch them?"_ Gideon asked.

"_Yeah. Stuck 'em in a classroom, and, you know, they can't orb out of there."_ Paige answered.

"_They are a little feistier than the real Chris and Leo."_ Phoebe chimed in. "_I don't know how we're going to get them to cooperate."_

"_Hmm. Well, I'm sure your evil counterparts are anticipating exactly the same problems since, other than morality, you're one and the same."_ Gideon said.

"_How does that help us figure out what we're supposed to do?" _Phoebe asked.

"_Perhaps you should trade yourselves. You go into their world, they'll come into ours. You can each retrieve your respective Leo and Chris."_

"_Kind of makes sense."_ Paige said.

"_And what about your evil counterpart? Will he be hip to this plan?"_ Phoebe asked.

"_I have every confidence that he will be waiting there exactly as I am here. But remember, good or evil, we're all after the same thing – Leo and Chris returned and the cosmic balance restored." _Gideon said.

"_Get Piper."_ Phoebe ordered. "_We're gonna need the Power of Three."_

"I can be feisty!" Leo protested. He turned towards Piper. "Right, Piper?"

Not really listening, Piper nodded. "'Course sweetheart."

"Oh, God, gross!" Chris shouted.

"That's not a very accurate answer; Piper barely ever has sex with you." Paige laughed.

Leo pouted.

Phoebe snickered. "You should probably ask Cole then."

"Or Odin." Piper added.

"Who said I had sex with Odin?" Leo asked.

"Nobody said you slept with him." Paige informed. "It went without saying."

Leo didn't make any further move to deny it; the cat was already out of the bag.

_On the TV screen - _that everyone was now watching, seeing as Leo wouldn't give any more details on his sex life – _Phoebe and Paige are at the evil Magic School where evil, pedophile Gideon lived._

"_You have no idea what you've done. Just by coming here, you may have thrown both worlds irreversibly out of balance."_ He bellowed.

"_Okay, well, doesn't killing us sort of do that, too?" Paige pointed out._

"_Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you, I would have. I was just, caught off guard._"

"_Well, you need to relax there, tiger."_ _Phoebe ordered._

"_It's a different world, Pheebs."_ _Why he called her Pheebs when he was set out to kill her nephew..."One filled with distrust, even amongst allies._ "

"_I don't understand. Where are your Paige and Phoebe?"_ _Phoebe asked._

"_Out looking for your Leo and Chris. They were supposed to bring them back here."_

"_Well, your Leo and Chris are at our magic school waiting to be rescued." Evil Gideon put a hand on Phoebe's shoulder. __"__Yes."_

"_Okay, this is just one big mess. What happened to the whole yin-yang business?"_ _Paige demanded._

"_It's been thrown off, possibly as a result of the exchange of Leo and Chris. Two worlds that mirror each other when they're in balance. And they no longer are._" _Gideon theorized._

"_Okay, if it's already bad, what's gonna happen now that we're here?"_ _Paige asked._

"_With both sets of sisters on the same side, the balance is dangerously at risk. We have to work quickly to correct it."_

"_If you are suggesting a plan, don't."_ _Phoebe said. __"__We've got it covered. You don't worry about it. We need to find this Piper."_

"_If you do, she'll probably kill you." Gideon told them. "She's evil, remember, and she's got a terrible temper, worse when she's pregnant._"

Paige and Phoebe shared a look and laughed.

"She can't be much worse than she is now." Phoebe chuckled.

Piper glowered. "What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?"

"You're a scary temperamental witch." Paige answered. "Who's even more of a scary temperamental witch when she's preggers."

Piper's glare turned psycho and they swore that her eyes turned demonic black.

"Piper, honey," Leo said gently. He touched her shoulder trying to induce calm in her with his touch. "Settle down."

She glared at them all and they flew across the room.

"Mom! What the hell!" Chris yelled as he rubbed his head. "This just proved their point."

Leo tried to calm a fussing Wyatt. "Wyatt, shh, it's okay." He persistently continued to cry. "I give up." Leo said and orbed Wyatt Up There which wasn't very smart on Leo's part – not a surprise – seeing as an Elder up there had a bounty over his head.

"_Okay, this place isn't just evil, it's ugly._" _Paige stated as she looked at the scene before them._

_People were fighting, the neighbors ignored as a man stole a purse. Rats are scattered everywhere, broken cars lay in the street, and trash littered the streets. Yards of houses are unkempt and dirty._

"_Oh, I think they're home."_ _Phoebe said as she looked at her other dimension house.__ "__And I don't wanna go in there to find out."_

"_Charmed Ones working for evil. Who would've thunk it?"_ _Paige mused. __"__Well, I'm with ya, especially after Gideon's little warning."_

_A kid rode by on a bike and broke a car window with a metal rod._

"_Hey!"_ _Phoebe shouted._

"_I don't think Chris and Leo would've gone into that house either."_ _Paige said._

Piper looked sadly towards Chris. "Is this what your world looks like?"

Chris thought for a moment. "No. Mine's different."

"How so?" Leo asked.

"There are less people." He answered. "Wyatt lets his demons roam free. They kill whomever they choose. There's less junk cluttering the streets, because when demons get angry they tend to set things on fire. There's no time to be petty with arguing. Everyone's too busy fighting for their lives. The world is very dark because the sky is covered with smoke from the fires."

"Did Wyatt really turn our house into a museum?" Phoebe asked.

He sighed. "I tried to stop him but what Wyatt wants, Wyatt gets." He paused. "Not many people visit the museum though. As I said before, many people are hiding for their lives. But there are a lot of mortals who knew if they didn't side with Wyatt they would die. So those people visit the museum."

"Who else would they side with?" Piper asked.

"Me. A couple of relatives, Bianca, and I formed a resistance against him."

"Speaking of the little trouble starter, where is Wyatt?" Paige asked as she noticed the baby wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Up there." Leo answered nonchalantly.

"What?" Piper screeched. "You sent Wyatt up there when you know a certain Elder has a vendetta against him?"

"Yeaaaah, probably not that smart on my part, huh?" He questioned.

"No it wasn't!" Piper stated angrily.

"It was rhetorical." Leo informed. He orbed Wyatt back down.

Wyatt's hair was mussed and his clothes were ripped. Wyatt sat on the floor breathing heavily. He glared at Leo. "_**Are you a flipping idiot?"**_

Now of course Leo couldn't hear thoughts and was completely oblivious to what Wyatt was thinking.

"Sorry, bud." Leo apologized. He reached a hand out to tousle his hair and Wyatt growled causing Leo to retract his hand.

In the evil world, P3 is a strip club and it just happens that Evil Darryl sis there getting a lap dance from a girl.

"_Well, it looks like everybody's enjoying themselves."_ _Paige commented._

"_Including Darryl. Ugh. Okay, juts remember, we're used to this." Phoebe said with disgust._

"_Right. Think mean. Think nasty."_

_A man walked up to Paige and she pushed him down. Phoebe cleared her throat towards the officers that were blocking Darryl__._

"_It's all right. Let 'em through."_ _Evil Darryl said. __"__I knew you'd show up sooner or later."_

"_How's Sheila?"_ _Phoebe asked sarcastically._

"_It's all right, honey. I'll be here all night."_ _He told the stripper. When she left he asked, __"__Sheila who?"_

_He showed them his wedding ring and laughed with his buddies. They knock knuckles and Phoebe pushed Evil Darryl backwards. She grabbed a beer bottle, broke it off, then put it to Evil Darryl's throat._

"_Leo and Chris, where are they?"_ _He didn't answer. __"__Where are they?"_

"Dude, forget Evil Chris, REGULAR US in EVIL WORLD are epic and _totally_ badass!" Paige exclaimed, and did a happy dance.

"_Last time I saw them was at the police station. Me and my boys were trying to give Chris what he deserved. But Leo orbed him away. I've never seen him run from a fight before._"

"_Where'd they go?_" _Paige asked_

"_If I knew, do you think I'd be here waiting for you? Where you been anyway? Undercover in the Underworld?" Darryl asked._

"_Why?"_ _Phoebe asked._

"_Bright, happy colors? Not exactly your style. Get away from me. I don't want Sheridan to see me with you. She's been all over my ass."_

Phoebe laughed. "That's rich! So that means if bright happy colors are the flag of the underworld then demons are actually good." She sighed. "Which means that I turned into the Queen of all Good."

Chris looked at her as if she was insane. "You okay?"

She giggled. "I'm 'bout as plastered as that wall behind you."

Piper cocked her head. "But you've been here the whole time and we never once saw you crack open a beer bottle."

Phoebe shook her head rapidly and fell out of her seat. "I have my ways, Pipper."

She glared. "It's _Piper_, dip shit."

"That's what I said, Pipper."

Piper nearly launched herself onto her and beat the shit out of her drunken ass. Leo gripped her arms and tried to calm her down. Key word: Tried.

"Piper, sweetie, settle down." Leo soothed. "You don't want to go into premature labor."

"I'm a less than a month pregnant, Leo, this thing inside me isn't any bigger than a peanut!" She snapped.

Leo held his hands up in surrender.

Paige jumped in to get Piper to ease off. "Calm down, Miss Holly Hormonal."

_Phoebe stood up to see Evil Inspector Sheridan dancing on a pole._

_The scene changed. Chris and Leo were in a flowery garden with beautiful trees and pretty flowers, and it looked really pretty._

"Dude… is that _the underworld?_" Paige exclaimed, squinting.

"_I know the truth of all your hopes because I can feel your greatest hope inside here, the hope that one day to return home."_ _Leo and Chris share a look._ "_Oh, and of course, your presence here gives me great hope, the hope that someplace there really is a different kind of world, a world where the greater good, the, uh, the goodness of the heart prevails."_

"And… is that… BARBAS?" Phoebe gasped, eyeing the screen critically.

_Sure enough, Barbas walked past them, putting a hand on Leo's shoulder._

"_Is he for real?"_ _Chris asked._

"_He must be. Demon of Fear in our world must be the Demon of Hope here. Question is, do you have enough power to send us back?_"

"_Oh, alas, no, I do not, not if you were brought here by the Power of Three. But, however, hope springs eternal, so I may be able to persuade the sisters of my world to help us simply by relying on their greatest hope, the hope to reunite with your counterparts, and then, maybe…"_ _He waved his hand over Chris' face. __"__You will be able to return to your time before it's too late as you hope."_

_He began to touch Chris, but he slapped hand away._

"_Whoa. Don't touch me."_ _Chris said._

"Is it possible that good Barbas is _more_ creepy than evil Barbas?" Phoebe asked stupidly "'Cause he is."

"I think it would be more amusing if it was Cole instead of Barbas." Chris said.

"You do know that if it was Cole there, I would kill him, right?" Paige asked.

"Exactly,"

Paige rolled her eyes and continued to watch the TV, everyone following suit. Except Phoebe. She was to busy trying to kiss her elbow.

Then, a fairy princess came before her and spoke to her. "Phoebe!" she said, in her high-pitched fairy-princess voice. "Phoebe! Why are you trying to kiss your elbow, Phoebe? Don't you know what happens to pretty girls when they kiss their elbow?"

Phoebe shook her head, eyes wide in awe.

"Long ago, before little boys and their snotty noses, when the world was all pretty little girls in dresses, kissing your elbow was much easier, not that a pretty, educated little girl would ever dream of kissing her elbow. Then, one day, an evil bird told a girl that if she kissed her elbow, she would turn into a little boy. The girl, not knowing what a boy was, because there weren't any around at that time, kissed her elbow. Then, she turned into a boy! And suddenly, a lot of little girls kissed their elbow, and there were so many boys that the world was turning upside down! So, the guardians of the fairy council, including myself, got together and made it so that little girls could no longer kiss their elbows. Try it, you won't be able to reach!"

Then the fairy disappeared in a puff of glitter, leaving Phoebe kind of confused.

At the good Magic School Piper is lying on her bed, in labor, and Mrs. Winterbourne is there helping her.

"_Breathe, dear, in long, out short. One in…three short."_ She demonstrated. "_In…three short."_

"_Where are my sisters?"_ Piper gasped.

"_Gideon's trying to find them, dear. Just try to focus on the breath. In…"_

"_What happened?"_ Gideon asked.

"_Her water's broke. She needs to get to a hospital."_ Mrs. Winterbourne explained.

"_Did you find them?" _Piper asked.

"_No, not yet, but you can't wait any longer. It's not safe."_ He aimed the next bit to Mrs. Winterbourne. "_Go. Hurry."_

"_Somebody has to stay with Wyatt."_ Piper said.

Gideon looked over at Wyatt in his playpen. "_Don't worry. I'll take care of him."_

"What the hell, Piper?" Chris shouted.

She glared. "It's mom to you mister!"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, mom, what the hell!"

"What did I do?" Piper asked.

"You practically stepped aside giving him an open shot at Wyatt."

"I didn't know he was evil." She protested.

Chris sighed. "It was obvious that he was!"

"Yeah?" She challenged. "Then how come it took you over a month to realize that it was Gideon who was the one trying to kill Wyatt?"

"I've been here for a week!"

"I meant in the show."

"I stick by my statement."

Both Paiges and Phoebes turned around. Paige and Phoebe orbed out and Evil Paige and Evil Phoebe black orbed out. The orbs hit each other in mid air, sending each pair of sisters back, landing and reforming. They all stood up.

"_That sucked."_ Evil Phoebe said.

"_All right. I'll take mine, you take yours." _Phoebe said.

Phoebe and Evil Phoebe stepped away. Evil Paige conjured a Darklighter crossbow and Paige gasped. Evil Paige fired at her.

"_Arrow!"_ The arrow orbed out. Evil Paige fired again. "_Arrow!" _The arrow orbed out again.

The TV cuts to Evil Phoebe and Phoebe who are fighting in hand to hand combat matching each other's moves.

"That was a stupid idea." Leo said."You're in a parallel world where they do exactly what you do and you choose to fight yourselves?"

"How weird would it be to fight my sister though?" Paige asked.

"It's not that hard." Phoebe slurred. She swung the scotch bottle around that mysterious appeared in her hand. "All ya gotssss to do is pretendededdeded that the person ya being a douche to does nothing right and he/she is an idiot. Right, Prue!"

Piper sighed. "Prue isn't here right now, sweetie."

Phoebe gigged crazily. She brought the bottle to her lips and took a chug. She threw the bottle, unfortunately knocking into Leo. "Bleh! Diet!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "There's no diet alcohol."

"Oops," She said loudly and obnoxiously. She held up her finger in a very Velma from Scooby Doo fashion. "I mean: Bleh!..Scotch..."

They all rolled their eyes at her stupidity and ignored her, like they always did.

_"Wanton powers in this blade, yield, and penetrate that which would shield."_ Gideon chanted.

The athame above him glowed. He took it and went over to Wyatt, who was sitting in the middle of the carpet with his force field on. The athame touched the shield and it powered down. "_I'm truly sorry, but this is for the greater good."_

The athame orbed out of Gideon's grip and orbed back in, stabbing him. Gideon screamed in pain. He pulled the athame out and went to strike Wyatt, but felt a lot of pain. He heard chanting.

The TV cut to them mirror world where Evil Gideon put down the athame as both sets of Phoebes' and Paiges' chanted a spell. Leo and Chris stood in background.

"_We call upon ancient lore to punish with the power of four, strike down this threat from both there and here, make him suffer, then disappear."_

Gideon black orbed out. Evil Wyatt sat on the floor sobbing.

"_Wyatt, thank god."_ Both the Phoebes cried.

They both took a step forward and then stopped. Phoebe backed up and Evil Phoebe went over to pick up Evil Wyatt. Chris and Leo walked into the attic.

"_Did you give that bad man Gideon those wounds?" Evil Phoebe cooed._

"_It looks like Wyatt can handle himself." Paige commented._

Leo picked up the athame. "_Yeah, but for how long? Gideon's one of the most powerful Elders. If he wants him dead, he'll find a way."_

"_I can't believe it was Gideon all along." _Chris said.

"_And he's still out there. If he wasn't vanquished here, he wasn't vanquished in our world, either."_

"That's a lie! I knew it was Gideon." Chris said.

"But that means you purposely didn't tell us ergo putting Wyatt in danger." Piper pointed out.

Chris stuttered, hating that he was caught up in a lie.

"That must be a big fat bruise to your ego, huh?" Paige asked openly smirking.

He scoffed. "You guys put Wyatt in danger every day."

"How so?" Leo asked.

Chris pointed towards Phoebe. She was holding Wyatt pressing a bottle of Vodka to his lips. Wyatt slurped it down greedily only stopping to breathe and burp.

"Oh gimme that!" Piper snapped and snatched the bottle away. She picked Wyatt up and pointed a finger at Phoebe. "Bad! You no get into sissy's emergency alcohol."

Phoebe looked down guiltily. "I sorry." She then grabbed back the bottle and stuck her tongue out. "Ha!" She scurried off to the corner to cuddle with the bottle of Vodka, apologizing for letting the bad woman take her.

In Gideon's study the evil twins stood before the mirror healing each other.

"_At least we're still alive."_ Gideon said looking on the bright side.

"_Only because we barely made it back here in time."_

"_Still, we healed each other and we can try again, especially now that we can breach Wyatt's shield."_

"_But the sisters know about us now."_ Evil Gideon said. "_Worse, the imbalance has caused a shift in both worlds."_

"_Which we should be able to use to our advantage to distract them whilst we complete our task. We created the imbalance. We should be able to repair the shift, and when we do, we'll make sure that the sisters forget everything."_

"Is he a fu-" Paige started, but was cut off by Piper holding her hand up.

Piper rolled her eyes and covered Wyatt's ears. "Go on,"

"Is he a fucking idiot?" She demanded. "We just whooped his ass, and he still has the balls to go after Wyatt?"

"Yeah he's a retard." Chris agreed. He looked towards his mother. "Once mom finds out about Gideon in TV world she'll yell at me down there to hold on for a minute and go tear him a new one."

She glared at him. "I'm not that threatening."

"Denial isn't healthy, Pipper," Phoebe slurred, barely coherent.

The sun shined, the sky was clear, and a beautiful rainbow hovered over it. The streets were clean and children played nearby. The neighbors and workers on the street waved to the sisters.

"_Hey, there! How're you doing?"_ A worker asked the two cheerfully.

"_Okay, this is really strange."_ Paige said.

"_Hi, neighbor!"_ A man greeted.

"_Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo, ladies! Yoo-hoo!"_ Mrs. Noble called obnoxiously happy. She went over to them. "_I've been waiting for you."_

"HEY! It's the bitch!" Chris exclaimed.

Suddenly, all traces of drunkness faded from Phoebe, who had empathicly pushed it into Leo. "ARE YOU AN IDIOT, CHRIS? SHE'LL HEAR YOU!"

"_Mrs. Noble. Hi. I was just coming out to move the car."_ Phoebe said.

"_Oh, I know. You're a busy, busy, busy girl!"_

"Wow, looks like the bitch is tipsy, too."

"Heheh, you said tipsy!" Leo giggled, falling off the chair.

"Phoebe," Piper growled. "Did you make my husband drunk?"

"Yes, I did, Piper. I needed a clear mind in order to make sure that _your son_ doesn't get me KILLED!"

"_Yeah, see, it's our sister Piper."_ Paige joined in. "_She's in labor, and we're all a little crazy."_

The Patrol Officer and some neighbors came up to them.

"_And I won't park there again, I promise."_

"_That's right. I know you won't."_ The Patrol Officer agreed. He pulled out his gun and shot Phoebe. She fell back and Paige caught her. "_Wrongs must be righted."_

"_Help!" _Paige shouted.

"_Have a super day!"_ Mrs. Noble wished.

"Dude. She is a total bitch!" Chris exclaimed.

Phoebe stood there with her mouth hanging open, then walked over to Chris and smacked him.

"HEY! What was that for?" he whined.

"I. Got. Shot. Because. You. Freaking. Called. That. Bitch. A. Bitch!" Phoebe screamed out between her teeth.

"_Help? Help! Somebody, help!"_ The Patrol Officer walked away. "_Please, someone!"_ Mrs. Noble left. "_Someone, help! Please, someone? Someone? Help! Someone, help! Leo? Leo?"_ An ice cream truck pulled up. "_Someone, help! Please, someone? Leo?"_

Leo started crying.

"Oh sweetie, it's okay." Piper comforted. "You'll probably heal her in a second."

"That's not it." He sobbed. He held up his Vodka bottle (which he had apparently orbed to him) and tipped it upside down. "I'm all tapped out!"

"Fucking moron."**

* * *

Happy New Year, bitches!...Well actually it's a couple weeks past New Year but you know what I mean!**

**I'm so, so, sooooo, soooooooooooo sorry for how long this took to write. I'll be honest with you. I am as lazy as hell. :P**

**I had lots of fun writing the drunken scenes though. Ahh, Phoebe. You're such an amusing intoxicated idiot.**

**Special thanks to my cyber friend Victoria for helping me with this. She's uh-mazing! (_Just a Girl With a Keyboard_) Hopefully she'll be helping me with the next chapter. -wink a dink-**

**I know I suck Donkey ass, but I would appreciate ol' faithful reviewers if you would well review! Even if it's to say i'm a bitch for my horrible updates. Just tell me your still here and would reaaally like another chapter. -irresistible puppy dog eyes-**

**_Another thanks to my awesome beta: Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell_**


	21. Chapter 21

"Fucking moron." Piper repeated.

Leo pushed back the drunken feelings and Phoebe sobbed.. "I am not!" She wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve and continued. "I-I'm just all," she snatched the bottle back from Leo and lifted it up. "tapped out!"

"Moron." Paige agreed.

Phoebe didn't reply. She held up a new bottle of scotch...how did that get there?...oh and she was resting her ankles on her shoulders.

Paige gaped, "How are you doing that? That's physically impossible!"

Leo gulped and rubbed his head awkwardly. "Ph-Phoebe can-can uh please remove your legs from that position?"

"Are you turned on by this?" Piper demanded.

Leo didn't answer and only continued to stare at Phoebe.

Piper kicked him and glared. "That's my sister, you perv!"

"Barely." He dismissed.

Chris picked up the remote and clicked the next episode. He tried to shake off what was happening but honestly you just can't recover from things like that.

_On the TV Leo hovered over Phoebe healing her while Paige made sure Wyatt didn't see his aunt hurt while waiting impatiently._

"_What's wrong? What's taking so long?" TV Paige asked._

"_I don't know."_

"_Damn it, Leo, you should have just healed her outside."_

"_Right, and risk you getting shot, too? I don't think so."_

_TV Chris came down the stairs. "Okay, so I just sent our evil twins through the portal, although…" He saw TV Leo healing TV Phoebe. "What happened?"_

_TV Phoebe woke up and gasped._

"_Thank God!" TV Paige exclaimed and then went over to Phoebe._

"Why is the world acting like it's jacked up on anti-depressants?" Paige asked.

Phoebe swung her head around to Leo, the scotch in her cup – when did she switch that out? – sloshing."Why's t-" She was cut off by a hiccup. She giggled and continued. "that Leo?"

"How would I know?" He asked with a shrug.

"Because you're an Elder." Chris answered. "Elders know everything."

Leo gasped. "That's racist, man."

"How is that r-"

"Didn't I teach you better?" Piper questioned while bouncing Wyatt on her knee. "You just don't say things like that, sweetie."

Paige nodded. "Not right, Chris."

Phoebe and Wyatt laughed. "You got in trouble!" They both said, except one sentence was incoherent and it wasn't Wyatt's.

Chris stared at them in disbelief. His family was messed up.

"_Because by getting us all to the evil world, Gideon screwed up the balance, messed up with the grand design." Smart TV Leo explained._

"_Well, if you ask me, the grand design is pretty messed up in the first place." TV Paige commented._

"_Wait, so are you saying because of what he did, our world is bad now, too?" TV Phoebe asked._

"_No, on the contrary. It's good. Too good. Where every little infraction is a capital offense and everyone just accepts it."_

"_Oh, so we're starring in a little movie called "Pleasantville"?" TV Paige asked._

"_Okay, how come we weren't affected?" TV Chris asked._

"How stupid am I? It's obvious why we weren't affected," Chris complained.

Piper raised an eyebrow at him.

"Because we're AWESOME!"

They all stared at him.

"Okay, what? So maybe I have some empathy too. Whoopdie, friggin doo!" Chris admitted, whining cynically.

"_Because we must have been crossing over when the shift occurred."_

"_Well, that must mean Gideon's not affected, either."_

"No! Because Gideon is a pedophile. Not awesome," Chris interjected.

"_No, he wouldn't be because he's an Elder."_

"_How do we know he's not using the situation to his advantage, you know, come after Wyatt again?" TV Chris questioned._

"_Because I'm going to find him first." TV Leo answered sinisterly._

"_No, you can't hurt him, Leo," TV Phoebe cautioned. "not until he shifts the balance back, and you know he knows how to do that."_

Piper flicked her husband's nose as if he was a dog. "Are you an idiot?" She demanded. "You can't just go off and kill an Elder without bringing me along!"

"_You won't find Gideon that way." An Elder informed after he orbed down on the bridge. "We've already tried."_

"_What are you doing here?" Leo asked._

"_I am here to remind you of your responsibilities."_

"_My responsibilities right now are to protect my son."_

"_How, by taking revenge on one of our own?"_

"_Gideon stopped being one of us when he went after Wyatt." Leo growled._

"_Oh, that's not for you to decide. You're but one voice in a chorus, Leo. We can't allow you to take matters into your own hands."_

"_Gideon did." Leo reminded._

"_Yes, and look what he's wrought. The world is spiraling out of control. Innocents are being hurt, killed, all because one Elder acted alone."_

"_I know what I'm doing."_

"_Oh, Gideon thought he knew what he was doing, too. Truth be known, he was not alone in his thinking. There are others who share his fears of Wyatt, that your union with a Charmed One might've created too great a concentration of power."_

"_Wait, so you're on his side?"_

"_No, of course not. What Gideon's done is inexcusable."_

"_Then let me handle him."_

"Wow, Leo, never seen you so persistent." Paige commented.

"'Cept this one time." Phoebe hiccuped. "I was tired and didn't want to do anything that night, but he somehow managed to get me in that bed."

"What?" Everyone shouted in disbelief all at the same time.

"Woops, wrong night." She giggled drunkenly.

"_Night_?" Piper seethed.

"Wrong _guy_, happy?"

She nodded.

"_Ah, welcome to San Francisco Memorial. How can I help, help, help you?" A nurse greeted cheerily._

"Now her? She's awesome! She said help like, three times!" Chris said, continuing with his awesome-kick. Only now he was slurring.

"Chris, can you turn off the empathy?" Piper asked worriedly.

"Maybe!" Chris chirped in a sing-song voice.

"Well, shut it!"

"Jeez, jeez, okay! _Not_ awesome!" Chris said, only by this point he was a little more sober.

"_Well, you could take it down a notch." Phoebe suggested._

_Phoebe smiled. "Ohh, she's kidding." She giggled. "She's a kidder. Uh, just out of curiosity, what happened here? Was it a freeway accident?"_

"_Oh, heavens, no! It's always like this around here." She whispered, as if anyone heard, bad consequences. "Lawbreakers, you know."_

"_Right." Phoebe said._

"_You visiting?"_

"_Uh, yes. Piper Halliwell?"_

_She typed on the computer._

"_Halliwell, Halliwell…uh, what was her offense?"_

"_Oh, no, no offense. She's having a baby."_

"_Ohh, a baby! Ohh, why didn't you say so?" The nurse asked._

"_Cause we were just too excited." Paige said._

"_Oh, of course you are! There's nothing more exciting than a baby! Uh, room 1402, but don't dawdle. Visiting hours are almost over. You have a wonderful day, now, okay?"_

"_Day?" Paige asked. She looked at her older sister's watch. "It's almost eight o'clock. It should be dark now."_

"_Dark? Why on earth would anyone say such a depressing thing? Imagine the sun going away, not having sunshine all the time! Anyone who'd want that should be, well-well, shot!" The nurse explained, appalled._

"Shot?" Piper asked. "That's a little outrageous, don't'cha think?"

Phoebe swung the bottle away from her lips – was she really drinking again? "No! Night is so sad! Not a thing like day, and whoever disagrees with me, should be shot!"

"I happen to love night." Chris replied. Okay, maybe he wasn't as sober as Piper originally thought.

She gasped and pulled a gun from behind her...where does she keep getting all of this stuff? She pointed the gun towards his face. "Wanna repeat that?"

He rolled his eyes and orbed the gun into his hands and pulled the trigger at her, water shot out in a thin line and hit her straight in the face.

Phoebe comically wiped her face off and scowled.

"_Are you kidding? The frozen peas and processed turkey? It was to die for." Piper said sincerely. The Orderly went to remove the tray. "Oh, here, let me give you a hand." She noticed his right hand was missing and they laughed._

"_Piper, that's not funny." Phoebe scolded._

"_Oh, that's okay. It's my fault it even happened." The orderly said._

"_Why is it your fault?" Paige asked._

"_Oh, I used my cell phone in the hospital. Talk about your big no-nos." The orderly explained as if it were no big deal. "Hey, good luck with the little one."_

"_Thanks." Piper said before the guy left. "He really should've known better."_

"_Piper, snap out of it! This is crazy-making!"_

"_What is?"_

"_This, everything! You, the hand, the whole damn world! It's driving me insane!" Phoebe yelled._

"_Phoebe, you really should not swear. They will cut your tongue out." Piper informed._

"_Ohh! This is ridiculous." Phoebe said._

"_Okay, Piper, you have to listen to me. Wyatt is in danger." Paige told her._

"_What do you mean? What kind of danger?" Piper asked._

"_It's Gideon. He's trying to kill him." Piper laughed at what Paige said._

"So much for tearing Gideon a new one." Chris pouted.

"I will do more than just 'tear him a new one'." Piper growled.

Leo interrupted her. "When I'm done with him, he won't even be able to walk anymore."

Chris and Paige stared at him before sharing a look and cracking up laughing.

"You're so gay!" Chris sputtered out.

Paige nodded in agreement, red in the face from all of her ridiculous laughing.

Phoebe shared a small smile. "Ha, I get it, that's pretty funny." Her lips twitched before she also started to giggle.

Piper tried to hide her mirth, unsuccessfully.

Leo's forehead scrunched in confusion. "I-I don't get it, what'd I say?"

They didn't answer.

"Guys!" He whined. "What's so funny? All I said was, when I was done with him, he'd be too sore to even walk anymore."

Paige fell off the couch clutching her stomach.

"Dude, just shut up." Chris said in between laughs. "You're making a fool out of yourself."

"_You were right. Piper's the only one of the sisters affected." Barbas said._

"_And therefore the only one that can affect her sisters. She can cast a spell on them, make them think as she does so that they won't be concerned about me either." Gideon mused._

"_And your theory…is that I'm going to make her do this. How, exactly?"_

"_By doing what you do best, tapping into her fear of losing her sisters."_

"_I don't know. She's out in cloud cuckoo-land someplace. She's in a place where she doesn't even fear her own affliction. What makes you think she's going to fear losing a sister?"_

"_Family means everything to Piper, in any world. The sooner you hit that nerve, the sooner we both get what we want."_

"Every demon always goes for the family." Paige said, annoyed. "You'd think they'd be creative once in a while."

"They're demons, what do ya expect?" Piper asked.

Leo stomped his foot like a five year old. "Gideon's not a demon!"

"How would you know?" Phoebe inquired.

His eyes drifted upward in memory.

"Oh God, gross, dad!" Chris shouted. "Did you really need to visualize it?"

"What do you mean?" Piper demanded lowly.

"It's not _my_ fault." Leo protested. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time!"

He didn't elaborate leaving everyone confused outta their wits.

"_Does it hurt when I touch here?" The doctor asked Piper on the TV._

"_Yeow! Boy, that smarts."_

"_Huh. Well, we might be looking at a c-section here, Piper." He smiled, "Might be the only way to get the baby out safely."_

"_Safely?" Piper asked, worried._

_The doctor waved his hand in dismissal and didn't answer, "Oh, let's get another ultrasound, shall we? I'll be right back."_

_Piper took a deep breath and put both of her hands on her stomach. Barbas flashed in beside her, translucent, with a ghostly white line outlining him. _

"_Ooh, it would be so sad if your sisters weren't here to help you through all this. You heard what they said about Gideon. Imagine saying such ugly lies about such a nice person." He cooed like he always did when he was manipulating someone._

_He took a step back as Phoebe and Paige entered._

"_Gideon is trying to kill Wyatt. We have to stop him." Phoebe declared._

"_No, no, no, no, no." Piper shook her head, "Stop it. He's an Elder."_

"_No, Piper, he's evil." Paige said firmly._

"_No, he's not. Now, shush," she ordered, "before someone hears you." Suddenly three Elders orbed in. "No, no, no. Don't hurt them. They didn't mean it."_

_They didn't react towards her and shot fire at Phoebe and Paige. They didn't even have a chance to scream as the fire consumed them. Piper gasped and the Elders disappeared._

_Piper stared across the room blankly, in shock, as Barbas whispered in her hear, an evil cliché echo to his voice,"You have to help them conform. Save them from themselves before it's too late and you lose them…forever."_

_He smiled as she picked up her journal and started to write a spell, just has he knew she would. He got up from his leaning position and vanished._

"_Call now the powers blessed be, to make my sisters happ," She paused for a moment only to continue in a cheerful vice, "happy."_

"Who knew you packing all that heat, Leo?" Paige smirked.

Piper smiled, a lusty glint in her eye. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and cocked her head. "Yeah, who knew, _Leo_?"

"I thought I told you," Leo said, completely oblivious.

Piper sighed, exasperated, and brought her hand to his thigh. She slid her tongue across her top lip and scooched closer to her possibly homosexual husband.

His eyes lit up and he gasped. "Ohh!" All traces of bisexuality or homosexuality disappeared. He smirked, "Well, there's _a lot_ you don't know about me, Piper."

She smiled and moved even closer to him, any closer and she'd be sitting on his lap. "I bet there is."

Chris shuddered and clenched his eyes, willing their thoughts to get out of his head and never touch his brain again. "Gross! Stop it!" He was completely sober again, very suddenly.

Wyatt, only about 2 at the time, nodded in agreement. "Please," but it ended up sounding like, "Pwsghe,"

Phoebe sat there horrified as she felt their sexual desires forcing their way into her body. "Take it outside," she begged, "It's taking all my will power not to throw you both on the floor and screw your brains out."

Paige looked at her, disgusted. "THAT'S YOU'RE SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW!"

"I KNOW!" Phoebe shrieked. "I CAN'T HELP IT!"

"THAT'S MESSED UP!" Chris shouted and Wyatt agreed with a garble of words.

"I KNOW!" Phoebe yelled.

Piper twirled her finger through Leo's hair and smiled.

"AHH!" Phoebe screamed as Chris and Paige had to hold her back to make sure she didn't do anything disgusting or incestrual.

Wyatt chucked his rattle at Piper which knocked her in the head and then impossibly flew over to smack Leo in his head, too.

That didn't stop them though as they started to tug each other's clothes off.

"AHHH!" They all screamed and Paige waved her hand sending the two somewhere in the Sahara Desert.

"That was traumatizing," Chris commented with a shudder.

"Horrifying." Phoebe added.

"Teryshing." Wyatt said, trying to say terrifying. Not having any teeth _really_ sucked.

"Thank God it's over." Paige said.

_On the TV everyone minus Piper are in the attic when Phoebe and Paige glowed. Phoebe let out some type of snort and Paige smiled_

"_What just happened?" Chris asked._

"_I don't know." Leo said. "Are you guys all right?""_

"_Yeah." Paige answered in a dreamy voice. "Yeah. I've never felt better."_

_Phoebe nodded and Paige rested her head on Phoebe's shoulder._

_Chris shrugged. "Okay, so back to the plan. You were saying?"_

_Phoebe smiled, "Yeah, the plan was just to go see Piper in the hospital."_

_Paige leaned over to Phoebe and whispered loudly, "That's a really good plan."_

_Phoebe giggled, "I know." Paige giggled with her._

"Why are we acting like a bunch of second graders who are drunk off their asses?" Paige asked and turned to where Leo was sitting. She then remembered they were somewhere in the desert going at like a couple of rabbits. So she turned to the second best know-it-all, Chris, "Hmm?"

"Piper's spell." Chris answered matter o' factly.

Phoebe tilted her head in confusion looking just like a dog. "But, if I remember correctly, she never said anything about us acting like fools. She said _'Call now, the powers blessed be, to make my sisters happy_'."

"No, Phoebe, shut up!" Chris shouted, but it was sadly too late. The same white glow passed through Paige and most likely horny Piper.

"Ooopsies," she looked down sheepishly. "...My baaad."

Paige giggled. "Silly, Phoebe." She tapped her older sister on the nose with her manicured finger. "Silly, silly, Phoebe."

Chris rubbed his forehead. "I can feel the headache coming on already."

"This place is so dreary," she commented. "It's so sad," She walked around the room and poked at all of the items that weren't a bright happy color. "You need some yellow in here." She pushed back a curtain only to come face to face with a cloudy fog covered sky. "Oh, my! How depressing." She started to cry. "W-why is it so dark?" Paige brightened up almost instantly, the effects of the spell. "Well that's okay, we'll fix it!"

She glanced at the TV and listened as Chris how he got his name, it being Leo's father's name. "Well, how odd, I thought you said that you didn't get your name from a family member."

Chris rolled his eyes. "I lied. Do you really think mom and da-Leo would name me Chris Perry from Scrubs?"

"That's not very nice, mister, you should get your tongue cut out for that."

Phoebe suddenly chanted, "_Guided spirits hear my plea, annul this magic, please let it be."_

Paige – and again, maybe a horny Piper – snapped out of it. She glared, "Then why the hell did they name you Chris Perry?"

"Because they liked Mathew Perry."

"Really?"

"Nooo," Chris said slowly. "They didn't name me after an actor or one of your TV show fetishes. Perry because mom wanted to continue the 'p' tradition and Chris because Leo wanted to name me after his father."

Paige pouted, "You're such a downer."

"_Hi, ladies. Chris." Darryl greeted._

"_Hi." Phoebe said and then shut the door._

"_We thought you were the patrol guy come to shoot Phoebe." Paige said casually as if it were an everyday thing._

"_Sorry. Actually I'm here to get Chris. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take him into custody for assaulting me." Darryl explained in that happy voice that everyone uses in this 'jacked up on anti-depressants' world._

"_Dude, I didn't assault you." Chris said, clearly annoyed._

"_No, but Evil Chris did." Paige said in a mid-day pre-schooler's show voice._

"_That wasn't me."_

"_You're still a fugitive anyways." Phoebe smiled brightly._

"_Okay, you're not helping, thanks." Chris said._

"_You know, I'm only giving you this chance because we used to be friends."_

"_That is so sweet, Darryl." Phoebe squealed_

"_And, evil double or no, someone has to do the time."she gasped, "Take him away, Darryl."_

_Paige grinned and left with Phoebe, throwing Chris to the obnoxiously cheerful dogs, so to speak._

"_So, what? You're just going to leave?" Chris asked._

"_Listen, young man, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice." He said with a shit-eating grin on his face._

"_I don't have time for this." He telekinetically threw Darryl out the door. "Have a nice day." he mocked before telekinetically closing the door._

Paige snickered, "Badass."

"If I had to live in that world, I would kill myself." Chris said and Phoebe nodded in agreement.

Paige stopped her ridiculous giggling long enough to reply, "I would too, I mean, c'mon, there's obviously no booze in that world, I think we would _all_ go crazy."

"Touche," Chris said.

Suddenly, and oddly, a portal opened up on the wall and Wyatt walked out...again...

"Wyatt?" Paige asked.

He snorted, "No, Santa Clause."

Phoebe gasped, her eyes lighting up. "Saaaanta?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "No."

She chucked a pillow at Wyatt, "Party pooper."

He dodged it and sat on the couch. "Where's Piper and Leo,"

Paige smiled. "Oh that horny couple? There somewhere off in the desert probably conceiving a third child."

"A third child?" Phoebe asked, her voice taking the tone of an astonished five year-old again.

"We don't have any other siblings." Wyatt informed.

Chris glared at him and made the shut up sign.

"Awee, party pooper." Phoebe said sadly, then she perked up, "OH! That must mean they're making you!"

"AWW GROSS!" Chris, Wyatt, and… well, still Wyatt, all screamed.

There was a moment of silence.

"Why are you here?" Chris asked nervously. Although in the past Wyatt was extremely...weird, he still scared Chris shitless.

He waved his hand. "Oh you know, same ol' same ol'," They stared at him, uncomprehending, "My annoying ass demons have driven me even crazier than I am now and I was forced to get out."

Paige raised an eyebrow. "To here of all places?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, bro, not your smartest choice ever."

"You could be a little supportive!" He snapped.

Paige and Chris shared a look. "Naaah."

"_Complication?" Leo asked Paige, talking about Piper being in labor._

_Paige gasped, "Oh, dear. You don't know?"_

"_Know what? Is something wrong?" Leo asked._

"_Well, I'm sure the doctors are going to find out any minute, and everything is going to be just peachy." Paige squealed._

"_I gotta go see her." He turned around to leave, but Paige stopped him._

"_No! That's against the hospital rules."_

"_Screw the rules." He muttered._

"_Okay, but you're going to get in trouble." She said in a singsong voice._

_In the hospital hallway Leo looks across the abandoned pathway to see baby Wyatt sitting on the floor._

"_Wyatt?"_

"I was so adorable," Wyatt cooed.

Chris muttered, "Yeah, what happened?"

Suddenly Wyatt looked over to the other couch to see younger him. "Oh, hello there."

Little Wyatt rolled his eyes, "_**Dumb ass."**_

"What's up with him...me?" Wyatt asked.

Paige groaned. "Terrible twos."

_Barbas, appeared beside him, whispering in his ear, "Watch as the thing you fear most comes to life and the future is lost." He disappeared and Wyatt grew to about mid twenties._

"_Wyatt?" Leo asked._

_Wyatt walked towards him. "What's the matter, dad? Don't you recognize me? I'm the Wyatt you're trying to save, the one from Chris' future." He threw Leo hard into the wall._

"_You fear that there is no way to save him, that he is lost to evil." Barbas commented into his ear again._

"_Excalibur!" He called and the sword orbed into his hands._

"_And it's your failure as a father." Barbas said._

"_This isn't right. You're good. I'm here to save you." Leo protested._

"_I don't think so." Wyatt growled. He stabbed him and Leo fell to the ground in pain and in shock._

Chris pouted. "Why wasn't his greatest fear me dying?"

Paige rolled her eyes, "I get that Leo ignored you when you were growing up, but c'mon Chris you're acting a little self centered. Yes, we get it, you have daddy issues, but enough is enough!"

Wyatt nodded. "Yeah, _Chris_."

"_Don't make me sacrifice you both." Gideon told Chris._

_Gideon turned to pick up Wyatt, and Chris telekinetically threw Gideon. Gideon made an athame appear and then he vanished from sight. Chris rushed towards Wyatt when suddenly, Gideon appeared next to Chris and stabbed him in the stomach. Chris fell to his knees, groaning in pain. Gideon pulled the athame out._

"_Dad!" Chris called before collapsing on the floor._

"DUDE!" Phoebe shouted, suddenly feeling very mature.

"DUDE!" Paige screamed, mouth dropping open.

"DUDE!" Wyatt boomed, accidentally blowing up the grandfather clock.

"DWUDE!" little Wyatt shrieked, bursting into tears. He then shrugged and said, "Hehe, he's dead! Someone pass the weed?"

Chris pursed his lips and stated, "That's sucks."

Wyatt glared at him angrily. "You're dying and all you have to say is 'that sucks'?"

He shrugged. "Well yeah."

"Why don't you care about your well-being for once?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's hard to worry about myself, when you're evil, I'm dead, and it's not like I can count on mom and the aunts. They're so busy with their personal lives; they'll probably forget that you're evil. And dad will be too busy going berserk on Gideon. So that pretty much leaves… uh, no one to save your ass."

Paige laughed. "The Wyatt on the TV is more evil than you."

Wyatt glared. "He is _not_! I can be evil," He looked around the room and knocked a vase off from a shelf, "See!"

Phoebe glared. "That was my favorite vase!"

Little Wyatt looked at her weirdly, "Tat vafe ugy. Oo, are twoo," he added, pointing at Phoebe with a chubby finger and snickering.

_Barbas went to stab Wyatt, but he orbed away._

"_No!" Gideon shouted. Barbas fell on the floor and Gideon pulled him up._

"_Slippery little devil, isn't he?"_

"_Now look what you've done!" Gideon snapped._

"_Well, you didn't tell me that he could orb." he replied._

"_I didn't know he could. That's why I wanted to be careful. Although I doubt he's able to orb out of the underworld. Even he's not that powerful yet!"_

"I deny that," Wyatt interrupted. Little him nodded in agreement.

Suddenly Piper and Leo orbed in. Leo grinned at Piper, "That was _great_!"

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Yeah, all twenty minutes of it."

He glared, "Piper! That's not fair! We cuddled."

She sat on the couch, sitting next to Chris and Phoebe. "Yeah, that was half the twenty minutes."

"May I remind you that during some of that you started acting weird. Seriously, you just rolled off me and started giggling like crazy, so, yeah." Leo sat down next to Paige and Wyatt, little Wyatt orbed off the floor and into his father's lap. Leo looked over towards older Wyatt and nodded. "Hey, Wy."

"Dad," He replied.

"How's evil life treatin' ya?"

Wyatt grinned. "Pretty damn good. You?"

Leo waved his hand. "Wasn't the life for me."

Wyatt nodded. "Yeah, you are a bit too much of a pansy for it, aren't you?"

Leo pouted, "What is it? Pick on Leo Day? What'd I miss?"

"I stabbed you in a Barbas vision, Gideon kidnapped me and stabbed Chris, who is now dying, everyone's acting absurdly happy, same old," Wyatt explained. "Oh, yeah, and CHRIS IS DYING!"

"Oh… crap…" Leo breathed, eyes watering up.

"Eh, you'll save my ass," Chris waved off, "I'm not dead yet."

"_I am not going to choose between you and Wyatt, Chris. I can't." Leo said forcefully which made the real Chris scoff._

"_You don't have to, dad. Find Gideon and you save us both."_

"_All right. All right, but I'm not leaving you alone. I'll be right back."_

"_Where are you going?" Chris asked._

"_To get one of your aunts to watch over you. You're going to be fine. Okay? I promise." he leaned over and kissed his son's forehead before orbing out._

Piper started to cry, "I can't believe this is going to happen!" she wailed.

Paige patted her sister on her shoulder, offering some comfort.

"You should hug her," Leo suggested.

Paige smiled in thanks and hugged her sister.

"That's it, now rub her back," Paige did as suggested, "Okay that's good. Yeah-yeah, comfort her. Yeah, yeah, oh ya like that, don't ya? It-it's okay to like it. It's perfectly natural. Okay good, now smell her a little."

Paige stopped hugging her sister and all turned to look at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Are you really _that_ sexually repressed?" Chris asked.

"He can't be," Wyatt contradicted. "I mean wasn't he just on some Nudest Beach gettin it on?"

"We did something, but it was hardly justified as 'gettin it on'." Piper stated.

"That bad huh?" Paige asked sympathetically.

"Hellooo, I am right here!" Leo shouted. "Can't you have this conversation when I'm somewhere else?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Phoebe interrupted, capturing everyone's attention. "Where the hell did you get Nudest Beach from?"

"_Uh, Piper's being prepped for surgery." Phoebe said._

"_Surgery? What's the matter?" Leo asked._

"_They're not saying. Don't worry. We're not going to lose either Chris." Paige said. "I'll go home. You stay here." She turned towards Leo, "And you, you go find Gideon."_

Piper wiped her eyes, "What's wrong?"

Paige waved her hand and got up to go back to her seat, "Oh just some complications."

Chris nodded, "Yeah you have go into emergency C-Section or something."

She gasped, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, one of us might die, but it's all good." She stared at him wide eyed. He didn't make a move to comfort her.

"_Leo! Leo!" Paige called._

"_Sorry. I was in the underworld looking for…" he saw her sad face and asked, "What's wrong?" The bedroom door opened and two SWAT members leave. Sheridan and Darryl walk to Paige and Leo, "What's going on? What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded._

"_Nothing. We didn't have to." Sheridan said quietly._

"_I'm sorry, Leo." Darryl apologized sadly._

_Leo rushed to Piper's room and collapsed beside Chris. He called his name, trying to sound optimistic._

_Chris weakly looked at him and uttered, "Hey,"_

_Paige stood by the doorway as the two men talked, tears streaming down her pale face._

"_Hey. I'm here now. You can…hold on, okay? Hold on…hold on. I'm here. You can hold on, okay?" Chris nodded painfully. "Don't give up, okay?"_

"_You, either." He replied before closing his eyes and fading from existence._

"_No, no, no. Please…no. No, please. No." He clutched the bed desperately. Paige stood in the threshold tears pouring out of her eyes faster and Leo started to cry also._

Everyone sat gaping at the TV.

Chris sighed, "Of course I die. I go to the past, just wanting to save my brother, and what happens? I die. Just my flipping luck!"

Piper got up and hugged her son, "We won't let that happen, sweetie, I promise. You'll live."

Phoebe nodded and smiled weakly. "Maybe there's a reason Paige orbed over to the other dimension and got these videos. It was to make sure all of this never happened."

Paige grinned, "It sure wasn't for kicks."

Leo's eyes were red rimmed and he held his arm up pinching his fingers, "A little for kicks."

Piper laughed and got up to hug her husband.

Wyatt glared at his family. "My brother just died and you're acting as if nothing happened."

Phoebe stomped her foot, "Do you not s-"

Paige held up her hand, "I got this one, Pheebs." She turned towards Wyatt, "Pretty much."

Wyatt growled, and Chris shrugged. "It hasn't happened yet."

_In Barbas' lair Leo's voice echoed off the cavern walls. "Wyatt? Wyatt? Can you hear me? It's daddy. Wyatt? Wyatt, can you hear me? It's daddy."_

_Wyatt orbed in and Gideon steps out of the shadow. In Leo's voice he said, "Hello, son." Wyatt turned around. Five crystals orbed around Wyatt. In his normal voice he continued, "So sorry to lure you like this. Barbas…where are you?" he went over toward Wyatt. "Barbas!" Barbas walked over. "It's time."_

"THAT ASSHOLE! I'm gonna kill him!" Wyatt screamed, orbing away.

Suddenly, he appeared on the television and killed him, laughing horribly, then he orbed back out.

"Dude! How'd you do that?" Paige asked in awe.

"Eh, we can both do it. It's called virtual orbing. You just rewind and it never happened," Chris explained, "Observe."

He pressed the rewind button and went back to where they were.

"Impressive."

"_Took you long enough."_

"_Your impatience is growing tiresome." Gidoen said and held up an athame, "I blessed it already. Now it's your turn." Barbas took the athame. "Is something wrong?"_

"_As a matter of fact… there is." Barbas replied before stabbing Gideon._

"_Why?" Gideon asked, shocked._

_Barbas morphed into Leo. "Because…you murdered my son." he hit Gideon and sent him across the lair. Leo looked at Wyatt. "I'll be right back."_

"_Leo, please, you have to understand. I am only doing this for the greater good. I swear." Leo knocked the athame out of Gideon's hand. "Aah!"_

_Leo picked up Gideon. "How is killing a child ever for the greater good, huh? Who the hell are you to decide that, huh?" he demanded and then threw Gideon across the cave._

"_Aaah!" Barbas flamed in behind some rocks, spying on the fight. Leo picked Gideon up. "I'm an Elder! So are you! It's what we do."_

"I_'m not one of you anymore." Leo growled._

"_Leo, listen to me. You know what happens. You know what Chris came here to stop." Leo threw Gideon to the floor. Barbas flamed away. "Let me finish what I started. Let me save the future, the only way it can be saved."_

"_You're the reason the future's threatened, Gideon, not Wyatt…"_

"_No…"_

"_But because of what you do to him. I'm about to make sure neither one of you get the chance again. Mirror!" He made a hand gesture and the mirror appeared behind Gideon. Evil Leo stood in it's reflection, in the Underworld garden._

"_You ready?" Evil Leo asked._

"_Remember, you can't do anything. I have to do this alone." Leo reminded._

"_I know."_

"_Do-do what?" Gideon stuttered in pain._

"_A Great Evil." Leo's eyes glowed white. With both hands, he gestured and fired a stream of electricity at Gideon. He cries out in pain as he was lifted into the air. In the mirror, Leo's power lifted Evil Gideon into the air. Evil Leo stood off to the side._

"Daaaamn," Paige and Phoebe whistled.

"Huh," Wyatt mused, "You do have it in you after all." he pulled a card out of his black skinny jeans...yes...skinny jeans...and handed the card to Leo, "Ever get sick of being goody two shoes, call me."

"You're such a loser." Chris rolled his eyes.

"_Well, I think you know what I mean. She's hemorrhaging." Doctor Roberts chuckled. "We can't stop it. It's everywhere. But let's all try to think positively, shall we?"_

"_Now you listen to me. You get your ass back in that room and you save my sister and her baby! You understand me?" Phoebe shouted._

"_Security!" The doctor called and the two security guards started to walk over, one of them having a hand on their gun._

"_Okay. They shoot people here, remember?" Paige reminded._

"_We got to get Piper out of here. We've got to get her to Leo."_

"_We can't. We don't know where Leo is."_

"_We can't just do nothing!"_

_Suddenly everything, except Phoebe and Paige, go in slow-mo and Paige shakes her head._

"_What's going on?" It flashed outside and the dark chased away the light blue sky. When the slow motion ends, the security guards walk past Paige and Phoebe. "Phoebe, it's night."_

"_Everything's back to normal?"_

_They turn back to Doctor._

"_I'll do everything I can. I promise. 'Scuse me."_

Phoebe grinned smugly. "I knew I was intimidating. I mean just look at that; I'm so scary I made everything go back to normal 'cause no one wants to face Phoebe's wrath!"

Paige rolled her eyes. "Leo changed it back by killing Gideon."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Paige slapped herself, no not mentally, she actually slapped herself for being so stupid. "Whatever, Phoebe."

"Well if I were Leo I would beat Gideon within an inch from Death and then revive him only to do it again. When I'm done with him, he'll be too sore to even walk anymore." Wyatt hissed.

Chris and Paige once again shared a look before collapsing on the floor in hysterics.

* * *

**So i hope you guys liked it. Ahh, sexual jokes are so fun to write...you did get the sexual humor in this story right? I hope you did. I've had a crappy week, and it would be greatly appreciated if you would leave me a comment about this chapter. To cheer me up? Please? If not that, how about for my birthday, it's in about a month. C'mon people don't be heartless!...Now i have Heartless by Kanye West in my head...thanks. Now look what ya did...That is a good song though. Have you heard the Edward Cullen version? Pretty hee-larious...Gosh i ramble. How did we even get on this topic?**

**Thanks to my amazing friend Victoria (**_**Just a Girl With a Keyboard**_**) for adding her bits and pieces to this chapter.**

**And another special thanks to my awesome beta: **_**Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell**_**.**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Hey guys, not so long time, not so long see...Yes, I'm weird...get over it. So, I'm a little iffy on this chapter. I think I'm pushing it a bit on the sex jokes, dontcha think? I don't know, gimme your opinion.**_

_**I learned about this singer: Michael Buble. He's awesome. Just flipping amazing. Go...listen to his music. Now. :)**_

_**Thanks again to my awesome beta for...beta-ing...(Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell)**_

* * *

Paige gasped for air, and then looked at Wyatt. That set her off on a whole 'nother bout of laughs.

"What?" Wyatt demanded angrily. "What's so funny?"

Chris snickered. "Oh nothing." he shook his head, "dumb ass."

Realization dawned on Wyatt and he rolled his eyes, "Oh ha-ha-ha. Very funny."

Paige laughed. "It really is!"

Phoebe squealed as the screen turned to black. "You're so cute!"

Wyatt snorted, "Don't be such a liar."

"I-I'm n-not lie-lying!" she stammered, "Why would you say such a crazy thing?"

He rolled his eyes, "'Cause Chris was ugly as hell as a baby."

Chris ignored that and picked up the list by Santa Clause. He ignored the last two episodes on the front and flipped over the sheet.

_Woopsy daisy, I forgot some episodes. _

_You'll have to scuse me, I'm drunk off my tush, from all those cookies._

_I should start listening to Mrs. Clause more often and lay off the sweets, but they're just so tempting!_

_So here's the rest. Oh and sorry for the uh chocolate stains..._

_I tend to get uh messy when I eat._

_1. A Call to Arms_

_2. Cheaper by the Coven_

_3. Styx Feet Under_

_4. There's Something About Leo_

_Ghouls_

_6. The 7 Year Witch_

_And some others that I might send to you._

_Oh and I've been watching you._

_I'm Santa, I know what's going on! And I don't approve._

_The swearing is a little harsh and very, very, very_ _NAUGHTY__._

"What a perv." Chris muttered. He picked up the remote, ignoring his brothers still ongoing sarcastic laughing. He quickly got up first and switched out disks and then chose A Call to Arms.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha," Wyatt paused to take a breath and then continued, "Very funny, ha-ha-ha." Why was he still laughing? They completely switched off that topic! I mean _he_ switched the topic! "A nice humorous gay joke, ha-ha-ha-ha. You guys are so funny, ha-ha-ha-ha."

"Oh will you shut up!" Paige snapped.

"Ha-ha-ha, you guys kill me, ha ha."

Baby Wyatt groaned and telekinetically orbed a lamp at his head.

He fell to the ground, his legs stretching out as far as they could in his ridiculously tight stupid skinny jeans. "Ow, ha-ha-ha."

They decided to ignore Wyatt's obnoxious cocky/sarcastic laugh. The funny thing is, he sounded just like J.D from Scrubs. . .weird.

**"**_Help! Somebody help! Please?" Paige yelled._

_Piper walked into the kitchen, "Alright, alright, relax. I'm back." she walked over to Wyatt and saw the mess. "What is this? How's his rash, does he need ointment?"_

**"**_I don't know, I've been kind of procrastinating on that one. It's not my favorite thing to check." she admitted._

**"**_Why? You don't have a problem checking Wyatt." questioned Piper._

**"**_Yeah, that's 'cause I don't flash forward to Wyatt being twenty-two like you do with Chris." Paige replied._

**"**_Oh, yeah, eww." the older girl agreed._

**"**_Exactly."_

"Awkwaaaard," Chris singsonged.

"Oh, gross!" Paige gagged, "Why isn't your mother changing your diaper?"

"I'm not happy about this either." he snapped.

Piper rolled her eyes at her son and sister.

"Out of all the people's pants I want to get in, yours is not one of them." Paige muttered.

"What a disgusting analogy," Phoebe shuddered. "Way to put that picture into my head."

_She whipped her head around, "Wait. What? Wait." Piper called while running after her. "What wedding? Wedding?"_

**"**_Christy's." Phoebe elaborated, "Piper, don't tell me you forgot."_

**"**_Christy's wedding." she echoed, "That's today? Hmm, well, I can't go. The kids."_

**"**_Actually, the kids were invited too, so you can go." Paige butted in, "I think it would be good for them. I think it would be good for all of us."_

**"**_No, I can't go, the baby..." Piper trailed off._

**"**_Needs to be exposed to a germ or two." Phoebe continued for her, "Get out of the house, you know, build up his immune system."_

**"**_He's too young." she protested uselessly._

"Yeah," Paige snorted. "Leave him at home, where all those pesky demons come in to drop by and say hello."

Piper's eyes widened and she rubbed her stomach protectively. "We'll put up crystals, lots and lots of crystals. We'll cast protection spells and kill a couple hundred demons to send a warning."

"What warning?" Chris asked, "Psycho crazy witch on the loose?"

Piper gasped, "Oh no! I sound just like Phoebe," she started to cry, "This is _horrible_!"

Phoebe glared, "Is not, It's not a bad thing if you turn into me. You'll be popular, pretty, smart, sucs-Oooh!...Shiiiinnnny." she gasped.

Wyatt sat up and stopped his sarcastic laughing to roll his eyes, "You blond's are all the same. You can dye it brown, but you're still a—"

"Ditzy stupid blond?" Leo suggested.

They all gasped and whipped their heads around to look at him.

"That's harsh, man." Chris stated as little Wyatt glared at his father and orbed to his mother's lap. Not very smart on her part, he'll probably end up stabbing the stomach and killing his younger brother.

"Leo!" Piper scolded while petting little Wyatt's hair, "That's not nice."

"B-but, I-I-"

"I was going to say blond, dad," Wyatt informed, "and now look what you did," he pointed towards Phoebe, "she's so upset."

"Huh?" Phoebe asked, "I'm not upset. Why would I be-ooooh! Glittery!"

**"**_Zola?" Leo asked both located atop the Golden Gate Bridge._

**"**_Leo. Good, I've been calling for you."_

**"**_What do you mean?" he questioned, "Where's Barbas?"_

**"**_Who?" Zola asked._

**"**_He's covering up for me. Oh, you know he is, you tracked me here." Barbas whispered in Leo's ear._

"How could you do that, Zola?" Leo sobbed, "I thought we had something special, yet you cover up for him as if we mean nothing to each other!"

Wyatt stared at him and then his mother. "...How does no one notice his homosexual tendencies?"

Chris snorted, "That's the same thing I wonder about you."

_Leo suddenly became angry and bolts of electricity shot out of his hands. The strikes hit Zola and threw him up against the bridge wall._

**"**_Where is he? Where's Barbas?"_

**"**_I don't know!" Zola shouted._

**"**_Tell me!"_

**"**_I don't know! For God's sake, stop!" Leo stopped at his request and Zola fell to the ground._

**"**_Damn. So close." Barbas muttered._

"Daaamn," Paige whistled once again. "What bug crawled up your ass?"

"Barbas." Leo answered simply.

Chris laughed, "You sure it wasn't maybe, I don't know, Gideon?"

"Well, yeah." Leo nodded. "He was such a dick. A big, fat, dick!"

Once again Paige and Chris shared a look, but this time Wyatt joined in. All three laughed.

"What?" he demanded. "Why do you always insist on laughing at me? All I said was that Gideon was always riding me."

That only made them laugh harder.

"He's a pain in my ass, a throbbing pain in my ass."

Wyatt toppled over clutching his black shirt clad stomach.

**"**_No, I think what's messing you up is Gideon. I think it's the same thing that's messing us all up. He didn't just betray Leo, he betrayed all of us." Paige said._

**"**_And those wounds don't heal easily." Zola said nowhere in sight. Phoebe and Paige walked into the conservatory. "Forgive the intrusion. I thought it best I come to you first."_

**"**_Whatever it is we're not interested." Phoebe said firmly._

**"**_No, I think you'll be interested in this. Leo, just tried to kill me. I didn't want the other Elders to find out, they'd think he was after us all now."_

**"**_Well, you can hardly blame him, can you?" Paige asked._

**"**_You're lack of faith is understandable given what Gideon has done, but one bad Elder doesn't make us all bad. We are on the same side here."_

"_Are we?" Phoebe questioned._

"Nope." Wyatt said casually.

Leo glared heavily at his son. "Who gives you the right to say that?"

Wyatt glared right back his blue eyes flashing. "I'm the King of the flipping Underworld. Who gives you permission to talk to me that way? If my minions were here, I'd _so_ have them punish you!"

"That doesn't seem so bad." Leo shrugged.

"You say that now, but wait until you're strapped to a bed of nails and hot candle wax is dripping on your back. Or when you're chained to a wall and being whipped."

"I stick by my statement." he declared while rubbing his neck, flushed. "Is there a couple session for that?"

"I am not going to that!" Piper protested.

"Who said I was going to take you?" he countered.

There was an awkward silence. A heavy awkward silence. A silence soo awkward that..it was awkward...

**"**_Barbas. I know you're here. Show yourself." Leo said to an empty attic._

_A green ghostly head floated through the attic. It said, barely intelligible, "Don't let Barbas get away. Save your son."_

**"**_Who are you? What do you want?" he asked._

_Piper walked in holding baby Chris. "Who are you talking to?"_

"Uh-oh, our little Leo's going crazy." Phoebe cooed while getting up only to pinch his cheeks and sit back down.

"It was bound to happen at some point." Paige sighed and then orbed the phone to her. "What was the number of that mental hospital again?"

"That's not fair!" Wyatt shouted. "Not another family member going bloody mad."

"Bloody mad?" Piper asked. "You're not British, get over it!"

Leo blinked his eyes and chuckled. "Yeah, man."

Chris snorted and rolled his eyes. "He's not crazy. He's high as a kite."

"I am not!" Leo shouted.

"Leo, give me the weed." Chris scolded. He got up and moved his arm towards Leo's pocket and he shifted back a little.

"Weed? What are you talking about? I'm not on weed."

Chris advanced his arm closer to his father's shirt pocket. "Leo."

Leo growled as Chris's hand became too close to his stash. "Back off man!" He ran across the room cuddling his bag. "And I'm not on weed, I'm on crystal meth."

They stared at him suddenly seeing how he was shaking and his eyes were bloodshot.

"That's not funny." They all stated.

He dropped the facade and gripped his bag of weed tighter. "...Bite me..."

_On the TV a brightly decorated gazebo sat in the middle of a field of grass. Bouquets of flowers adorned each corner and sheets hung in a swoop. Christy and Jeevan sat inside, friends and family sat on rows of chairs outside._

**"**_We have come together on this glorious day to wed Christy and Jeevan. Who are here to build a foundation of their marriage upon the earth. In the presence of the sacred fire, and among their family and friends." The priest announced in an Indian accent._

_The screen flicks to Piper's car pulling up to the valet. Piper, Phoebe and Leo get out._

**"**_Oh, we are so late. Has the ceremony started?" Phoebe worried._

**"**_Yes, ma'am." the valet answered._

**"**_Oh, no. Okay."_

**"**_I told you to just go ahead and go." Piper said._

**"**_Yeah, well, I don't understand why you couldn't leave the baby with Paige." Phoebe said._

_Leo got the stroller out of the trunk and Piper got baby Chris out of the back seat._

**"**_When you're a mother, you'll understand."_

**"**_Okay, that's assuming I'm gonna have any eggs left."_

"Oh gross!" Chris said.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"That's just not something you say." Wyatt answered for him.

"All I said was—" They both hollered for her to shut up, one voice saying she'll be 'sliced and diced' if she didn't stop. "I don't understand how that's so bad," Phoebe grumbled.

"Because they're men, Phoebe, it's just disgusting to even think of." Leo answered.

"And what are you?" Piper asked wittily.

**"**_Is this a wedding or an orgy?" Piper asked while looking at the wedding pamphlet._

"I wish!" Leo muttered.

**"**_It's a Hindu ceremony." Phoebe answered, "It's supposed to be very, very, very romantic."_

_Baby Chris started to cry. "Oh, see, I knew this would happen. This is over stimulation. We've gotta get out of here." Piper said. The valet drove off with their car. "Hey, excuse me! Wait!"_

**"**_No, no, no. You know what? You guys go and I'll take care of Chris, okay? You guys go and have a good time. Have fun. Remember what that is? Fun? Come on." Phoebe said as Piper glowered, "Diaper bag. Thank you."_

_Piper and Leo walked over to the ceremony - the priest chanting things not in English - and sat down.`_

"Oh that is just so romantical!" Phoebe squealed in a dreamy voice.

"Romantical?" Paige asked Piper.

She shrugged, "Over the years, I learn to just look the other way."

"Yes, romantical. Oh, Chris? Am I going to have a Hindu ceremony?"

"Nooo," Wyatt answered for the tight lipped man. "Maybe if you marry someone Hindu."

"I will then! It's set. I'll marry an Egyptian and have a beautiful wedding under the sun."

"Egyptian?" Leo asked in a foggy haze. "Sun? Not in San Francisco, you'll be lucky if the sun peaks out of the clouds for a second."

"That's just the morning, dipshit." Phoebe corrected angrily.

"Nuh-uuh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-" Phoebe was cut off by Wyatt orbing a crowbar to her head. No one thought to punish him, because, well, they honestly should have thought of that years ago!

**"**_And now as the circle is a symbol of the earth and the sun and the universe, I call upon the goddess and god that created all things to bless this sacred union." The priest said and then suddenly two golden clouds float across the sky. "And to consecrate upon them that..."_

**"**_Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Piper asked._

**"**_Yeah." Leo said and looked at the guests. "But I don't think anyone else can." The clouds hit Piper and Leo and they glow. "Are you okay?"_

**"**_I don't know. I feel a little woozy." she opens her purse and a third arm reaches out of her side and grabs a tissue blotting it against her face._

"_Uh-oh." They both say._

"Obviously someone else is on weed too." Paige snickered.

"I am not!" Piper growled. "Just because I happened to see two floating clouds of gold in the sky means nothing. Or the fact that I suddenly have a couple of more arms."

Wyatt raised his eyebrow and looked at Chris. Chris counted down his fingers.

3. 2. 1.

Her eyes widened, "I'm as high as a kite!"

"You should try it, Pipes, helps you relax." Leo said calmly while inhaling a puff of the weed. "You're so stressed. Come on over and smoke a blunt."

Piper glared. "Call me Pipes one more time."

"Don't be like that baby."

She flicked her hands and blew him up and then froze him mid blow. "Asshole."

Phoebe's eyes widened. "All he did was call you baby."

"It's obviously someone's time of the month." Paige muttered. She then looked up and grinned widely - nervousness clear in her eyes - at her oldest sister, "Love you Piper!"

**"**_Bright side?" Phoebe said. "At least we know Piper and Leo still have the hots for each other."_

**"**_Yeah, well, you better be careful with that whole hots thing because it's contagious. Don't stand too close. It comes courtesy of Shakti, the Hindu goddess of creation, and Shiva, her lover, the god of destruction."_

**"**_Yeah, but why did this happen to Piper and Leo? I mean, any ideas?"_

**"**_Why does anything happen to any of us around here?" Paige retorted._

**"**_Good point. 'Shakti and Shiva are commonly invoked at weddings because their considered to be the ultimate lovers.'"_

**"**_Well, I'm thinking it's meant to be symbolic."_

**"**_Unless they're magical lovers to hijack."_

**"**_Read on." Paige ordered._

_"Shakti also called the ultimate mother and Shiva together created all things, and if they consummate their love again, all things will be obliterated and the universe will be reborn."_

**"**_Talk about your big bang theory."_

"Who knew love could be so dangerous?" Paige asked.

Wyatt rolled his eyes. "Everyone."

Piper glared, "How so?"

"Exhibit A." Chris pointed to Wyatt. "You and dad never fell in love, he wouldn't have been born, and our lives would be great."

"You wouldn't be alive though." Leo pointed out his highness fading.

"I stick by my statement. No lovin' equals no Wyatt."

**"**_Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" Barbas yelled over the loud demon crowd. "Please, one at a time, if you please. We're failing to see the problem here."_

**"**_You asked for help. You said we would share in the spoils. Then you tell us you're going after the Charmed Ones. Do you take us for fools? That's suicide." A long dark haired demon stated angrily. The demons behind him chorused in yeahs._

**"**_No, no, no, we're not going after the Charmed Ones per se, just their little baby." Barbas corrected. Once again, the demons started to talk, questioning, baby? "Okay, it's obvious you're failing to grasp the big picture here, so I will explain it for you again for the umpteenth time." he walked through the hordes of demons and sighed. "Okay, and going after the child, we are in a fact pouring salt into the still festering wounds of the father who happens to be an Elder. The Charmed Ones' Elder." he finished with a smirk._

**"**_So." The same black haired demon prompted._

_Barbas turned around to face the crowd and spoke in a voice of temptation. "So his parental instincts kicks in. His vengeful little heart fills with rage and then with this tiniest little nudge from me, he makes a mistake, a fatal mistake."_

**"**_Leaving the witches unprotected by him." The demon realized. _

**"**_Exactly." Barbas threw his hands up in the air, happy that someone finally understood. "And leaving you with the best chances at knocking them off anybody's had in years." he paused and tilted his head. "Almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?"_

**"**_What about that creature you told us about? How does he fit into all of this?"_

**"**_See that's a very good question. One I don't have the answer to. But he did cloak this lair, so Leo couldn't track __me, that makes him a friend. A _verrrry _powerful friend."_

Paige laughed. "You have to admit, it's a good plan."

Piper glared. "It's cruel! He is hurting my family!"

"No, Paige is right," Chris mused.

Wyatt continued for him, "It's a great plan. With Leo still being sad about Chris's death and Barbas kidnapping Chris, it'll be like, well, as he said, dumping salt into the still bleeding wound." Wyatt smirked. "I love that damn guy."

"But," Leo protested with a smile. "He doesn't know that me and Piper are Gods – once again – and they're walking into a trap."

Wyatt frowned. "You guys are such downers."

Phoebe pinched his cheek. "But you love us anyway!"

"No."

"Yes."

"Noooo."

"Yessss."

"No." Wyatt glared.

Phoebe opened her mouth ready to sing the word Wyatt orbed the crowbar back to his hand and knocked her upside the head again.

"When the hell did she wake up?"

**"**_Elise." Phoebe greeted._

**"**_Good, you're here. Come and meet your new..."_

**"**_Uh, yeah, just so we're clear, if I don't like this person we can find someone else, right?" she asked._

**"**_Absolutely. It's your column, you've gotta be happy with him." Elise said quickly and then grabbed Phoebe by the arm and dragged her into her office._

**"**_Him? What? I'm sorry, him?" Phoebe demanded._

_A guy man is sitting on Phoebe's chair, talking on the phone. "I'd better call you back." he said when they walked in. He hung up and smiled. "Hi. I hope it's okay, I just wanted to get started."_

**"**_Leslie?" Phoebe asked quietly._

**"**_Surprise." Elise squealed._

**"**_Expecting a girl, weren't you?"_

_Phoebe shrugged. "Well..."_

**"**_So did my folks. That's how I got the name. You can call me Les."_

_They shook hands._

**"**_Now before you say no, just hear me out. He had his own advice column in Philly and it was totally hip, very hot, a perfect match for yours."_

_Phoebe rubs Les' hand. "Hot, huh? Wow." she said coyly. She pulled away. "Oh. Not again."_

**"**_He's relocating to L.A. in a couple of months which works out perfectly for how long you want to be away."_

**"**_That's great, Elise, but he's a-a man."_

**"**_Is that a problem?" Leslie questioned._

**"**_Uh, well, most of my readers are women."_

**"**_And you don't think a man can give advice to women?" Leslie asked understandingly. _

_Phoebe turned around and tossed her purse on the couch. "Oh, no, actually, not as well as a woman can, no."_

**"**_Well, what about Dr. Phil?" he walked around and stood next to Phoebe._

**"**_Uh, Dr. Phil is a doctor, right? Dr. Phil." she said stupidly._

**"**_Ah, so a man can give advice to women if he's a doctor."_

Chris laughed. "Is she trying to check out his ass?"

Paige tilted her head, "You can't blame her. It's a nice ass."

Leo nodded appreciatively, "Damn nice."

Piper glared. "You don't look at a man's ass Leo! You like at mine Leo! M-I-N-E. Mine!"

Leo leaned back and looked and Piper's backside. "Eh, I've seen better."

"Like who's? Gideon's?" Wyatt asked with a snicker.

"Thank you, Wyatt!" Leo exclaimed. "Like Gideon's."

_In Piper's room she put baby Chris in his crib. Two demons suddenly appeared and threw fireballs near them. Piper blew them up and another demon shimmered in and she blew him. Three more appeared and bolts of electricity shot out of her hands blowing up energy balls as they went towards her. _

_Barbas shimmered behind Piper and creped towards baby Chris. Piper blew up the three demons and turned around_

**"**_No!" _

_Bolts of electricity cracked at Barbas and he flew across the room. He touched his bleeding wounds and flamed out. _

"_It's okay, peanut, you're okay. Shh." Piper cooed when little Chris stirred._

"That's so kick ass!" Paige shouted.

Piper rolled her eyes, "Your nephew's almost kidnapped and you think it's 'kick ass'?"

"You have to admit mom," Chris started.

"You opened a can of whoop ass!" Wyatt shouted. "God, why did I kill you?"

Leo's eyes widened. "W-what are you talking about?"

Wyatt coughed uncomfortably and shifted in his seat. "Um, nothing. What are _you_ talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" Leo raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know. What are _you_ talking about?"

"I don't know-"

"Oh will you two shut up!" Piper screeched.

They ducked their heads ashamed and chorused their sorry's.

_Leo walked in Piper's room and saw the broken furniture and scorch marks from the demon attack. Phoebe and Paige walked in after her._

**"**_What happened here?" Leo asked._

**"**_You're not gonna like it." Paige said._

_In the foyer the front door flew open and Darryl and Inspector Sheridan walked in._

**"**_So what, you're not even gonna give them a chance to cooperate with us now? Is that it?" Darryl asked angrily._

**"**_They had chance, they didn't show, now we've got a warrant." she retorted in an irritated voice._

**"**_That does not give us the right to bust in like this." he growled._

**"**_Yeah, well, I wanted it to be a surprise." she said and prepared to hold her gun out when Darryl grabbed her arm. You got something you want to say, Morris?" _

_He stared at her let go. "One way or another, I'm gonna find out who this Chris guy really was and what they're hiding. Now you're either with me," she cocked her gun. "or you're against me."_

"Gosh, Sheridan's a bitch!" Paige announced, annoyed. "I hope she dies."

"Paige!" Piper scolded. "That's not nice."

"She's not nice, Piper." Her youngest sister glared.

"You're being very nice right now, Paige."

"_You're being very nice right now, Paige."_ Paige mimicked in a high pitched voice.

"Oh, c'mon, Paige." Leo said. "That's _really_ not nice. Piper's voice isn't _that_ obnoxious."

"My voice isn't obnoxious at all!" Piper growled, her eyes turning demonic black.

Leo cowered under her, well, demonic gaze. "Your voice isn't obnoxious at all."

She smirked. "Good."

"_Did you find Leo?" Paige asked._

_Piper didn't answer and instead asked her own question, "Where's Chris?"_

**"**_He's with Wyatt in the nursery." Paige glanced towards Leo sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. "What happened?"_

**"**_Did you find the spell to fix us?" Piper choked out._

**"**_Yeah, but..."_

**"**_Cast it."_

_Paige walked over to a table and opened a book. "We call upon the mortal ways, and gods who guide but may not stay, we seek those of divinity, to separate from and set them free."_

_Piper's extra arms glowed and vanished. A golden light rose out of Leo._

"_Are you alright?" Piper asked Leo._

**"**_Piper?" Paige questioned._

**"**_Go get Phoebe and then go get Barbas."_

**"**_We still don't know how to find him."_

**"**_I wounded him. You should be able to scry with his blood."_

_Paige orbed out and Piper knelt beside Leo._

**"**_I killed another Elder." He whispered._

**"**_It's not your fault, you were tricked."_

**"**_Was I? What have I become?"_

_Piper hugged Leo. "It's okay, it's okay. Nobody else has to know."_

Wyatt snickered, "Welcome to the dark side, dad."

"We have cookies!" Chris laughed sarcastically.

Leo glared. "Didn't you hear fake Piper? It wasn't my fault."

Phoebe rubbed her head groggily. "W-who'd he kill?"

"Unlike some people, I was paying attention. Zola. He killed Zola."

"Why would he do that? I loved Zola!" Phoebe cried.

"I didn't mean to." Leo said sadly.

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Di-"

Wyatt orbed a frying pan to her head and smirked. "Good riddance."

_Barbas stood in an Underworld cave. "Hey, why don't you come on down. Show yourself. All I want to do is thank you. It was such a very good plan. I mean, it worked perfectly. So, uh, how about we go after the witches now?"_

_Phoebe and Paige walked in._

**"**_Works for us." Paige said wittily._

**"**_Well, well, well, well." he said. "What do you know? It really is true. Just ask and ye shall receive. Of course, this lair was supposed to be cloaked."_

**"**_Yeah, you should probably ask your invisible friend about that." Phoebe retorted snarkily._

**"**_Yeah, well, maybe I will. Ah, come to vanquish me I see. What, again?"_

**"**_Yeah, but I just have one little question first. Why the baby?" Paige asked. "What does that even get you?"_

**"**_Ah, the baby." Barbas cooed. "That just gets me to you without the bodyguard. By the way, how is old Leo, anyway? Suffering nicely I hope."_

_Paige poised to throw the potion. "Ah, ah, ah, ah. I think we should check your fears first. How charming. Your greatest fear is that your nephews won't be safe. From me. How touching. Of course, such a great fear paralyzes you. Can't believe you forgot about that."_

**"**_Oh, we didn't forget." Paige said. She threw the potion at him._

"_We just knew our greatest desire would overcome our greatest fear." Phoebe continued._

"_And our greatest desire is to protect our nephews from you." Paige said._

**"**_Ah, you know I'll be back. Fear always comes back!" Barbas screamed. "You set me up!" He directed the last part to the ceiling._

"Will ya look at that," Paige said with a smirk in Leo's direction. "Barbas is on crack too."

Leo glared. "I'm not on crack!"

"Says you."

_In the Underworld Leo knelt on the ground touching Barbas' ashes._

**"**_Barbas was right." An eery voice whispered. "Killing him doesn't end the pain of betrayal."_

**"**_Who the hell are you? What do you want?" Leo demanded._

**"**_What do we want?" The voice repeated. "We want you!"_

_The ghostly figure floated straight towards Leo, and then disappeared right before flying through him. Leo stood in the cave, shaken._

Once again, Phoebe awoke. "Will you stop doing that?"

"Wow," Wyatt said surprised. "You just won't stay unconscious."

"Hey that's not n-Ooooh! Glossy!"

* * *

_**I hope you guys liked it...It seemed kinda sucky to me. Oh well, they can't all be winners. Reviews are very much appreciated!**_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Hello again, my pets. :P I hope you like the chapter. I feel as if no one really likes this story anymore...Is there anything I can do to make you guys gimme more feedback? I know, I don't want to sound stupid, but when you guys take the time to write reviews and tell me what you liked about the chapter, it makes me smile sooo wide. It honestly brightens up my day. No pity, but, my life has been pretty fricking crappy lately. Don't ya wanna make me feel better? *puppy dog pout***_

_**Thanks to my amazing, talented, all in all awesome beta Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**_

_**Disclaimer: All rights to Charmed are reserved to whoever the hell owns it. As in, not me. Or you, or that guy over there.**_

* * *

Per usual everyone ignored what Phoebe was doing and or saying, because most of it was stupid and not worth their time.

"Ooooh, shiiinnny! Ooooh, glittery!" Phoebe said in awe. "Ooooh, glossy!"

Piper smacked her sister's hand away from her hair. "Oh, will you stop that!"

"Ooooh, greasy!" she grabbed a short strand of Leo's hair and rubbed it.

Leo's eyes went big in pain. "Heeey, that's not nice."

Chris rolled his eyes, "You should be lucky. It's not nearly as bad as Dan's."

"Hey!" Wyatt protested while snatching the remote and clicking the next episode on the list. "I like Dan. Whenever I needed something waxed, I just called him, and rub his head on said item."

"Ooooh!" Phoebe reached out to touch her face as she looked in the mirror. "Pretttty."

Paige picked up the crowbar that Wyatt used to knock Phoebe out and tossed back in forth in her hands. She threw it to Chris who was closer to Phoebe. He held it like a bat and smacked the back of her head with it.

Just as Phoebe fell in lust with herself, and was about to kiss the mirror, she collapsed on the ground.

Leo got up and checked her head to make sure she was okay. "She may have a concussion..."

Nobody cared and watched the TV as little Wyatt stood on the floor chewing something and Paige and Phoebe walked in. Paige keeled on the ground to light the five candles that encased a circle rug.

"Which means she most likely lost her memory..." he trailed off. Again, nobody cared. He sighed and sat by Phoebe's head, waiting for her to wake up.

"_I have things to do too, you know. I have all these parents on my back right now. Oh, and my freshman's potions class, let's see, I ordered five hundred dried toads. What did I get? Mm, five hundred wet ones." Paige complained._

"_Look, Paige, it's just really hard for me to get on board with this when Piper, the actual mother, is totally against doing the Wiccaning." Phoebe said,_

"_That's what Grams is here for. To convince her." Paige explained. She walked over to Phoebe and motioned towards her older nephew. 'Look at Wyatt. _He _didn't have one until he was six months old and _he _almost turned evil." she pointed at Chris. "Now, look at that little sweet face." the camera flashed to baby Chris. "You want a repeat of that?"_

"_No, of course I don't."_

_Paige took that as she could cast the spell. "Hear me now, hear my cry, spirit from the other side, cross now the great divide."_

_White orbs floated down from the ceiling and revealed Penny Halliwell. Her back was turned to her granddaughters and she was transparent. Her voice echoed and she talked to a person that wasn't there._

"_You mean she is still lying about her age?" She chuckled. "Um..wh-w-... " she turned to face the girls. "Not a good time, girls. I'm busy."_

"_You're dead." Paige pointed out bluntly._

"_Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life." she replied in her usual sarcastic manner. "Ah, well, alright." she stepped outside of the candle circle and her form became corporeal._

"_Hi." Phoebe greeted with a hug._

"_Hello, darlings." She hugged Paige next. "Aw, sweetie. Oh, so, what brings me down here?"_

"_A wiccaning for your great grandson." Paige informed._

"_Providing Piper doesn't kill us first." Phoebe tackled on at the end._

"_A wiccaning?" Penny questioned. "I thought we already did that."_

"_Not for baby Chris." Paige said._

_Penny looked at baby Chris._ "_Uh, help me out here. Last time I knew he was a six-foot Whitelighter."_

"_Yeah, that was Chris from the future, this is baby Chris now." Phoebe explained. "Piper and Leo had this night... Do you really need us to explain this to you? Or can you just be happy to see him?"_

_Penny picked up baby Chris._

Chris gasped in panic. "Why would you let her do that? You know how much she hates men! She'll probably end up lighting me on fire."

Piper laughed and pet little Wyatt's hair as he did hers... "Grams doesn't act like that."

"At least not to Wyatt." Paige muttered.

"When was the last time you even saw her?" Piper asked.

Chris coughed uncomfortably and rubbed the back of his neck. He said something incoherent.

"What?" Wyatt smirked. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, Chrissy."

Chris glared. "At my Wiccaning. Happy?"

Paige winced. "What'd you do to piss her off?"

"Nothing! My Wiccaning was the last time she saw Wyatt too. I think we sorta just pissed her off by you know, being born with a penis."

_Wyatt sat in his room, on his bed, his force field surrounded him. A masked demon hovered over him, the reason why Wyatt felt the need to protect himself._

_Penny walked into Wyatt's room, wanting to apologize for yelling at him. She looked at the demon and gasped._

"_Girls!"_

_The masked demon hurled a lightning bolt at Penny causing her to land in the hallway. Wyatt started to cry and Phoebe and Paige ran in._

"_Shelf!" Paige called. The shelf disappeared in blue and white orbs, the demon shimmered out before the shelf could land on his or her head._

"_Looks like I didn't get here a minute too soon." Penny commented and looked at Phoebe._

_Paige threw her hands up and sighed heavily._

"This show is unrealistic." Wyatt stated. "If this really happened, I would have whooped that demon's ass."

Paige snorted, "Don't get to cocky."

Wyatt glared and stood up. "Chris. Fight me."

Chris sighed and got up.

"Why Chris?" Paige asked.

"He's the only one who has powers that match mine."

"No fighting!" Piper shouted.

"Awe man," Wyatt pouted and sat down, sulking. "I hate you."

"I hate you, too, sweetheart."

Chris rolled his eyes and sat down. "Buzz kill."

"_Leo!" Piper called after walking into the manor._

"_Oh, hi, sweetie, how are you?" Penny greeted nervously._

"_Don't you sweetie me. Where are the boys?"_

"_Oh, they're both perfectly fine. Paige took them to Magic School."_

"_Leo, now!" Piper screamed. They walked up the stairs to the second floor. "Leo!"_

"_Honey, are you sure you want him down here? I mean, considering that he can't even tell good from evil anymore. Well, you know, lost soul and all. Oh, uh, Paige filled me in."_

"_Okay, first of all our children's safety is Leo's number one priority, no matter how lost he may be." Piper growled. "Leo!"_

_Leo orbed in._ "_What's the matter? What happened?"_

"_A demon attacked Wyatt. He's okay, he's at the school."_

"_What kind of demon was it?"_

"_No idea." Penny answered. "It had some sort of creepy mask. Oh, and it struck me down with a lightning bolt."_

"_I can't believe this is happening. I can't do this again." Piper cried._

"_Don't worry, I'm gonna go back down there and I'm gonna find out who it was." Leo said, trying to comfort her._

"_Down there?" Penny questioned suspiciously. "As in the underworld?" she looked at him and asked, "Hang out there a lot, do you?"_

"It's the best place to vanquish demons." Leo said defensively to the TV.

"Sweetie," Piper called.

"Yeah?" Leo asked.

"She can't hear you."

Leo looked up at the ceiling, hoping that Penny was listening like she always did. Even, um, when Leo and Piper were having, um, "private time".

"Did ya here that ya eavesdropping bitch? It's the best place vanquish demons!"

A thick yellowish tinted piece of paper landed on the coffee table in a flutter of white orbs. He picked it up and sat back down next to Phoebe's head. "_I'm sorry, what did you say? I can't hear you." _was written in sloppy cursive, the ink smudged from a shaky hand, the person writing it laughing too hard.

"Freaky witch." Leo muttered.

_Paige sat in her office at Magic School, almost done with grading papers. Chris lay in his bassinet when suddenly Wyatt orbed Chris' blanket away._

"_I saw that, Wyatt, you give that back to your little brother while I find out who's trying to kill you." Paige said._

_Chris started to cry from lack of not having his blanket._

"You're such a baby." Wyatt stated.

Chris snorted. "Says the man who still carries around Wuvey even though he's 24."

Wyatt opened his hand and by conjuring, a tattered, and dirty little teddy bear named Wuvey appeared in his hand. He cuddled it near his face. "Who loves you? Wy-Wy does. Yes he does!"

Little Wyatt stopped rubbing Piper's hair to his cheek and orbed his Tide smelling Wuvey to him. He held it by its ears in his chubby hands and threw it at his older self, hitting him square in the face.

Wyatt got up to kick his younger self's ass.

Chris pushed him down by his shoulder. "Wyatt, chill. He's not worth it."

Wyatt glared at the less than two year old child. "You're lucky Chris is here to stop me from beating the living crap out of you."

Leo furrowed her eyebrows. "Plus, the fact that if you kill him, you ultimately end up killing yourself."

"Details, man, details."

"_Wyatt, where did you orb your little brother?" Paige demanded in an irritated tone._

_The screen flipped to the foyer, Piper walking briskly towards the door that just rang and talking on the phone with her sister. _

"_No, Paige, he's not here. Where the hell is he?" Piper growled. She opened the door and there stood her father holding a bundled up baby._

"_I hope this is yours because it sure isn't mine." He smiled._

"_Thank god. I got him." She hung up the phone and Victor handed Chris over to her._

"_Hi there, you." she cooed to Chris and looked up at her dad, "And you!"_

"_Hi. I stepped up on the porch and all of a sudden the little guy just flies into my arms."_

"_Yeah, his brother orbed him from Magic School." Piper informed._

"_Oh," he said, "is that normal?"_

"_Has been lately."_

_The two walked into the parlor where the face Penny._

"_Victor, what are you doing here?"_

"_And a big hello to you too, Penny. I was invited for a Wiccaning." He said slightly defensive. _

"_Oh, sorry. Wiccanings are only for magical family members." she replied nonchalantly and flipped a crinkly __page in the old Book that sat in her lap _

"Grams scares me." Leo shuddered.

"Scared of Grams, Leo, really?" Chris laughed. "You're such a baby."

Wyatt lifted an eyebrow at his little brother. "Did you not just finish saying that Grams scared you?"

Chris waved his hand, as if that statement meant nothing. "Beside the point."

Piper, in usual Piper fashion, stood up for her husband. "You can't blame him. Not after what she did to him the last time she saw him."

"Oh, yes, please do tell us what happened the last time little ol' Leo had an encounter with the magnificent Penny Halliwell." Paige chortled.

Leo ducked his head, his face and neck heating up. "I-I-"

Piper sighed, slightly embarrassed also. "We were, um, having some 'alone' time."

"They were doin the nasty." Paige informed with a nod.

"Thank you, Paige." Piper retorted. "As Paige so kindly put it, 'doing the nasty' and she just might have white orbed down to complain about how we never summoned her to say 'hi' anymore." she blushed heavily and continued, "Needless to say, she yelled at Leo to stop violating her granddaughter and used her powers to fly him across the room and into my full length mirror."

Piper's two sons and sister stared at her before looking at Leo and then back to Piper. The three shared a look and burst out laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Leo muttered. "You can all...You can go...lick my butt hole."

Unfortunately Phoebe's brain chose to make her get up as soon as he uttered those words. She grimaced in disgust. "That's extremely vulgar. How could you say that?"

The three stopped laughing to gape at her.

"P-Pheebs?" Paige stammered. "A-are you okay? Is Leo's stupidity not affecting you anymore?"

"Phoebe?" she asked with a tilt to her head and complete innocence and confusion swimming in her dark brown chocolate colored eyes. "Who's Phoebe?"

"You! Numb nuts!" Wyatt growled. He stood up and pointed an intimidating black-finger-nail-painted pointer finger at her. "You better not be screwin around with us Phoebe." he withdrew his finger and curled it into a fist, he reopened it again and a crackling ball of electricity danced in his palm.

She shrieked and scampered to her feet. "What the hell are you?"

Leo stood up and coxed her back down. "Shut up Phoebe," he told her gently. "We're trying to watch a show here."

"_Hey, how's about we just find that damn spell. How's that sound?" Piper suggested snappishly as her father and dead grandmother bickered._

"_That's your answer for everything, isn't it? I was essentially a single parent. Patty was dead and it's not as if you were ever around." Penny said angrily._

"_You wouldn't allow me to be." Victor defended in an annoyed voice, as if he had said it many a times before, which he most likely did._

"_Okay, do I need to find something to separate you two?" Piper asked as if they were children. They certainly were acting like one. She snatched the tiny black book from her grandmother._

"_You know, your daughters only ended up saving the world every other week." Penny informed, "Believe it or not, it might have had something to do with the way I raised them._

"_Found it." The youngest interrupted. "Spell to resolve sibling rivalry."_

"_Oh, good, good. I'll get the boys and you call your sisters. We'll get rid of the rivalry and then you can use the power of three to vanquish the demon, okay."_

"_Great, more magic." Piper sighed._

"_Do you have any other suggestions?" Penny asked._

Phoebe sighed, irritated. She had tried to ask the question on many occasions, but every time she opened her mouth they would shush her. Or Leo would anyway. "I have a question!" she shouted.

Piper stopped trying to grab her hair back from the blonde baby boy sitting in her lap and look at her younger sister. "Yeah?"

"W-why does that girl look just like you?" she asked. "Are you an actress?"

Paige cracked up laughing. "No! Piper can't act to save her life. She practically s-st-stutters when she says anything but the truth."

Phoebe gnawed on her light pink glossed lip. "I don't understand then."

"This is a show from another dimension. It's about our lives." Paige explained cheerily.

Having amnesia, it of course, made her a bit skeptical. Okay more than skeptical. She figured she was kidnapped by these lunatics and knocked unconscious while the men did unspeakable things to her. And the girls might have joined in. "You guys are mad! Freaking crazy! What? Did you escape from an insane asylum? Mental hospital?" she patted her pockets and pulled out a sleek shiny flip phone.

Wyatt almost rolled his eyes, but instead decided to scare the crap outta her. He orbed next to her, practically causing her to jump five feet in the air. He grabbed the cell phone and orbed back onto the couch sticking her tongue out.

She stared at him for a moment for screaming. "Holy shit!"

Once again Leo grabbed her hand and forced her to sit down. He looked her straight in the eye. "Shut. Up. We are trying to watch TV. We cannot watch the TV if you are screeching left in right. So zip it."

Phoebe crossed her arms, ready to say something, but Leo wrapped his hand around her mouth and politely told her to 'shut the hell up'.

_Paige orbed in with Wyatt in her clutches. "Okay, let's make this quick. I have four real angry parents waiting for me in the office."_

"_Well, there's my other grandson." Victor said happily._

"_Come along, darling." Penny beckoned. She took Wyatt's hand. "I need you to stand by your little brother." She takes him over to Chris's bassinet. "Right there."_

"_You do know what you're doing, right?" Victor questioned._

"_Paige, dear, we're getting our Wiccaning." Penny said happily._

"_I said maybe." Piper corrected. "We have a few more pressing issues to deal with at the moment."_

"_Mm, what changed your mind?" Paige asked with a playful eye roll._

"_Nothing. Although it's getting harder and harder to say no with the arrival of a new family member every five minutes." _

"_Alright, are you two ready to finally get along?" Penny asked the little boys. __"Cast your petty jealousies to darkest night, let these feuding siblings no longer fight."_

_A blue cloud rose above the two brothers._

"_Okay, shouldn't those stop now?" Paige asked._

"_Grams, are you sure this is the right spell?" Piper asked._

_Phoebe walked in._ "_Warn me never to go on sabbatical again." Phoebe complained. The three stood looking at the cloud before the blue light hit them. "Because that Leslie is such a jerk-face!"_

"_Oh, please, you so like him." Paige retorted in a taunting voice._

"_I do not." Phoebe denied._

"_Do too." Piper threw in._

"_I do not, Piper!" _

"_You soooo like him." Paige drawled out._

"_I do not, Paige."_

"_Do too." Piper said._

"_I do not, Piiiper." Phoebe said._

"_Why don't you just marry him already." Piper asked childishly._

"_Why don't you just marry Leo?" Phoebe replied, very immature. _

"_'Cause I already did."_

_Wyatt's force field expanded around himself. The demon touched the force field, but Wyatt being so powerful, the shield blew the demon back._

"_Girls, he's here. Piper, blast him." Penny ordered, the response she getting was a scream from her oldest. "Girls!"_

_Phoebe and Piper ran out of the attic screaming, Paige following suit, right after she took off her shoes and threw them on the floor so she could run better._

"_Anymore great ideas?" Victor asked in a very cliché witty way._

Phoebe gasped, once again, and looked at Paige. "S-she looks just like you!"

Paige rolled her eyes, "No, really?"

"T-this can't be real! This stuff just doesn't happen in real life." she denied.

Wyatt snorted and nudged his head towards his little brother. "We're both from the future, we have powers, Leo over here is in love with a closet pedobear, Piper has a temper problem which leads to her making things explode-"

"I do not!" Piper growled and then suddenly the grandfather clock blew up. "Damn it! Why do you always get blown up. Every single freakin time!"

"-Paige is a mixed breed of whitelighter, human, and witch. And you?" he got up and steered her towards the mirror. "Are that girl on the TV."

She touched her face and the girl in the mirror did that same. "Whoa."

He laughed and motioned her back towards the floor.

"_Way to go, Grams." Piper congratulated sarcastically. Both Phoebe and Paige had left against Penny's orders._

"_Piper, don't be rude." Penny berated. _

"_Look, it's not my fault it's only the stupidest book ever, and you said the stupid spell would work and it didn't. So you know what?" Piper snapped being ignored by her grandma as she continued to ramble on and on._

_Victor walked down the stairs with Chris and Wyatt in his clutches._

_"Let this girl, quick as a sneeze, stop this snit and quickly freeze." Piper stopped moving mid rant, "That's better."_

"_Why is my daughter a statue?" Victor asked._

"_She's fine. She'll thaw out in a minute." Penny disregarded._

"_How do I know she won't be this way forever? That it won't backfire like your last brilliant spell."_

"_Have you heard a peep out of those boys? No. Because the spell worked. Pulled the rivalry right out of them. Unfortunately it went into the nearest set of siblings. In this case, the girls. Anyway, they know everything that's going on in their adult lives. The only difference is they're not adults."_

Phoebe tilted her head as the two fought. They did seem to fight a lot. Why though? "Why are those two fighting so much?"

Piper smiled. "Ahh, that's because Grams is an evil demon who preys on men and my father just happens to be the victim."

Phoebe stared wide eyed at her unbeknownst sister. "S-seriously?"

Every said no, everyone except Piper and Leo.

Paige shook her head. "Don't get the wrong idea. She just hates men because they ruined her life."

"How so?" she asked curiously.

"Well, all of her husbands left her and or died. And a boyfriend she had was a demon."

"Demon!"

"Yep." Wyatt confirmed. He chuckled and used his glamour power to turn his eyes black, his skin red, and black designs on his skin. To put it simply, he looked like Balthazar. He changed back and smirked.

She threw her arms over her eyes and screamed in terror. "Ahh!" she looked at him again and screamed harder.

He glared at her. "Jerk."

She looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry."

_In the underworld Leo hid in the shadows and the Seer remarked, "Kind of an odd place for an Elder to visit. Then again, the word is, you can't get enough of the dark side these days."_

_Leo stepped out and said, "Someone from the underworld is after my son. I want to know who."_

"_You mean, a demon?" she asked. "Nah. I don't think so. They know better by now."_

"_Obviously somebody doesn't."_

"_Tell me." she urged. "What makes you so sure it's not an Elder? Someone who thinks that maybe your friend Gideon was right." she smirked._

_He seized her by the throat._ "_No other Elders are gonna die by my hands. I can't say the same thing for demons."_

_She smiled and choked out, "Can you even tell the difference anymore?" He threw her across the room. "You know, I'm kind of liking this new side of you. It's not as goopy."_

"_Last time, who's trying to kill my son?"_

"_You want an answer? You'll find it in there." she pointed towards the pool. He watched as the pool of gray water formed a face. The face showed slowly, building up the suspension, it finally formed into Leo. "Looks like the only threat to your son is you."_

_He once again grabbed her by the neck,_ "_No! You lie!"_

"_The pool never lies."_

_He let her go and she dropped to the cave floor._

"Are you evil?" Phoebe asked.

Leo laughed, "N-"

"Yes." Chris interrupted.

"I couldn't hurt a fly!" He protested.

"Then what is Gideon?" Chris asked. "Or Zola?"

"Don't go there!" Leo yelled.

Phoebe cocked her head, staring at him. She was hesitant to ask, it was rude, but, "Are you gay?"

"_What's up?" Leo asked._

"_Oh, hey, Leo. Hey, you don't look so good." Victor stated._

"_You know what, dad? You could try maybe being a little bit nice to Leo." Piper said hoarsely. "What do you think, huh?"_

"_Piper, are you okay? You don't seem..." Leo trailed off._

"_Oh, she's fine. We're fixing it." Penny snapped._

"_Leo, we need you to take the boys to Magic School for their safety." Victor said._

"_Do you have a problem with that? Never mind, we'll, uh, we'll just keep them here." Penny said._

"_I can take them."_

"_You don't look like you can." Penny said._

"_What are you saying?" Leo asked._

"_I don't know what's wrong with you, Leo." Penny said._

"_Nothing's wrong with me." He took Chris from Victor and held Wyatt's hand._

"_Where are you going?" Penny demanded._

"_To protect my children." He orbed out._

"_You know, I don't understand why you guys have to be so mean to Leo, you know. In case you haven't heard, he's kind of going through a hard time right about now. I mean, geez!" Piper shouted and the stormed off._

Leo smiled. "You're so protective of me."

Piper rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I was practically drunk, don't flatter yourself."

"Aren't you married?" Phoebe asked. From what she detected from the show they seemed like they were together.

Leo and Piper nodded.

"Are you guys having problems?"

Piper shook her head. "No."

"Why? Does it seem like we do?" Leo asked.

Phoebe furrowed her eyebrows. "Oh..."

_Phoebe stood up on stage and took the award for her column. "Thank you. Wow. I mean, this is so awesome. This is so, like, totally, amazingly awesome. Really, totally awesome. Thanks." _

_The crowd applauded and a woman stood up._

"_In your column..." she started._

"_Yes, you mean the bestest column in all the world." Phoebe said happily._

_She looked a little unsure. "Yes. You gave great advice to that woman. I'm just curious, was it based on something that happened to you?"_

"_Um, yeah, actually, it did happen to me, it was very sad." she stuttered. "Okay, next question."_

"_Wait, wait. Would you mind telling me what that thing was?"_

"_You mean what, you mean what happened to me?"_

"Do I always act like that?" Phoebe asked.

They all shared a look. Except Leo, Leo, yeah, Leo was completely oblivious.

"A little." Paige held her pointer finger and thumb close together.

"Oh no!" Phoebe cried.

"It's not your fault though," Piper rushed to explain, "Leo over here, is as dumb as dirt, and you happen to be an Empath. You pick up on his stupidity and that's what makes you so…well stupid."

Phoebe glared at Leo and tackled him to the ground; kicking, biting, scratching, punching, you name it.

_In Magic School, Ben stood in front of a class, teaching, obviously, Paige stood in the doorway/_

"_Ben?" Paige called shyly._

"_Miss Matthews." He greeted._

"_Yeah, stop calling me Miss Matthews. Paige." she insisted._

"_Okay, uh, Paige, is there something that I can help you with?"_

"_I would actually like to talk to you for a little bit if I could." she said. They walked into the hallway._

"_Paige, what's going on? What did you call me out here for?" Ben asked._

_She didn't answer and kissed him._

"_That." she answered. "Oh my god, how old are you, anyway?"_

"_Twenty-one." He replied in a dazed tone._

"_Okay, big mistake. No. One kiss, okay? Shh. That's it. We're not going to second base." She said firmly._

"_Oh, come on."_

_Suddenly, Penny walked up to them._ "_She said no. Robbing the cradle, you should be ashamed of yourself. Come on, dear. Time to grow up."_

_Her grandmother steered her by the shoulders and Paige said, "I'll dream about you."_

Phoebe sat up from beating Leo and crossed her arms stubbornly. She stood up and scooched away from him. Then, realistic how horrible she had been, started to apologize.

Piper looked at Paige. "Shame on you! Tonguing a student."

Paige blushed slightly, but then shrugged nonchalantly, "He's hot."

"He's also 21." Chris butted in. "That'd be like making out with...me!"

She made a disgusted face. "Gross! You're so not my type. You're tpo uptight. I'd go for someone more like...Wyatt. Yeah. Wyatt."

Wyatt grinned, "That'd be hot!"

"That's your aunt! That's just wrong!" Piper gasped and covered little Wyatt's ears.

Suddenly, Wyatt turned to a camera that totally wasn't there. *cough* *cough* "Ya here that, world? It's wrong. Stop writing stories about it, you sickos!"

"_You, come with me." Penny and Victor walked into the kitchen. "Close the door." He does so. "I found the demon who's after Wyatt."_

"_You did? When? Where?" Victor asked anxiously._

_Leo orbed in and Penny shouted, _"_There he is!"_

"_No, you're making a huge mistake." Leo said._

"_Get out of here, Leo. I'm warning you." Penny said protectively._

"_Penny, what the hell are you talking about?" Victor asked._

"_I saw this monster attack Wyatt at Magic School."_

"_That wasn't me." Leo said desperately._

"_Well, he sure as hell looked like you."_

"_I know it did. Look, I can explain. It must have been some kind of shapeshifter or something."_

"_I don't know any shapeshifters who can get into Magic School or any who have Elders powers."_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying?" Victor demanded._

"_He attacked me, remember? I was trying to protect Wyatt."_

"That's not possible." Piper denied. "Leo would never hurt his own child."

Leo nodded. "Never."

"Yeah." Chris snorted. "That's why he almost tried to kill me."

Wyatt waved his hand through the air in dismissal. "Who _hasn't_ tried to kill you?"

"_Since I wanna reverse the spell and you don't, I think we should bring in a third party to break the tie so to speak." Victor informed his ex-stepmother-in-law._

"_A third party? Who'd you have in mind? Their mother?" Penny laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement._

_Victor joined her in the laughing, "Yes, that's exactly who I had in mind." she stopped laughing. "Do it."_

"_Oh, alright." It was obvious he wasn't going to give up until she relented. "But she's not going to side with you, you know." Penny waved her hand and her daughter appeared in a swirl of orbs._

"_Mom. Victor." Patty greeted in slight surprise._

"_Wow, Patty, you look great." Victor complemented with a half smile._

_Penny rolled her eyes, "Oh, stop trying to sweet talk her."_

_Patty sighed, annoyed that she would have to settle one of their arguments, again. "What's going on?"_

Piper gasped. "Mommy!" She shot up and pawed at the screen.

Little Wyatt fell to the floor with a thump. He started crying but everyone ignored him. He stopped and stared at him family. "_**You all suck!"**_

Paige growled and pushed her out of the way. "Stop being such a hog! Hi Mamaaaaa."

Phoebe looked at her older and younger sister. "A-are they okay?"

Chris shook his head. "They're high on this new drug,"

"Oh no!" Phoebe cried. "What drug?"

"It's called the Mami drug." Wyatt nodded. "It's Spanish. You have to say it really fast or it just sounds stupid."

"Mami," she repeated quickly. "Maaamiiii." she paused and said it slowly. "Do you think I'm a fool? You're lying!"

"Damn." Wyatt smacked his fist against his leg. He looked at his younger brother and said, "She was much easier to trick when Leo's dumbassness was affecting her."

"_I can see I'm not needed here." Penny said sadly._

"_No," Patty reached her hand out, "come on, come on, I..."_

_Penny didn't listen and orbed out. Patty sighed heavily in annoyance and her knees bent slightly._

_Victor scratched his neck and said casually, "She always was a bad loser."_

"_Yeah, she'll get over it." Patty shrugged. "By the way, Victor, I have a question. Why'd you call on me to settle this?" Irritation coated her voice lightly._

"_Girls were in trouble and, um, you were the only person I could think of dead or alive."_

"_Oh. Still, it was teenage trouble. It's kind of unfamiliar territory for us."_

"_Look, I know we had our troubles but I think that if we've been given the chance, we had done a really good job raising those girls. You wanna see them?"_

_Patty smiled, "Are you kidding?" he started to walked towards the door but she held her arm in front of his chest to stop him, "Wait, wait, wait. When you said the girls reverted, what exactly did you mean?"_

_He pursed his lips before saying, "You'll see."_

_The screen flashed over to downstairs._

"_Mommy!" Phoebe squealed. The three sisters rushed over to her._

"_Hi!" Piper yelled._

"_Hi, mommy!" Phoebe gripped Patty's leg. Piper gripped her by the side and Paige caressed her cheek. "Mommy, let's sing a song, okay?"_

"_I see the problem."_

"_Well, there's another problem. Your mother took the reversal spell." Victor said._

"_That's okay, I've got one of my own. Okay, girls, calm down."_

"_Mommy, I met this boy and he's really, really cute." Phoebe confided._

_Patty paused and cocked her head, "We'll talk about the boy later. And everything else. 'Cause we've got so much to catch up on. But right now I need you girls to stand over there."_

"_Is Leo a demon...?" Piper asked sadly._

"_Now!"_

"_Okay. She said now, Phoebe!" Piper reminded. _

"_I heard her, Piper." Phoebe whined._

"_Okay, okay." Patty tried to calm them down._

"_Today, Phooooeeebee." Piper said snappishly._

_The three stand in line._

"_You're so bossy!"_

_"Reverse the spell from the book, and please restore what was... took." Victor sent her a questioning look. "I made it up when I was nine."_

Wyatt growled and sent his mother and aunt crashing to the floor. "I can't see the TV!"

"Shh!" Phoebe hissed, looking at the TV deeply intrigued. The blue cloud rose over the three actresses and Phoebe tilted her head.

Wyatt glared. "You shush."

"_This is gonna get your mommy and daddy back together. One way or the other. That's what you want most of all, isn't it?" Demon Leo asked to baby Wyatt. He moved away and several creepy looking demons appeared and moved towards Wyatt hissing and growling. Piper and Leo walked in and zapped and blew up the demons._

"_It's not your fault, Wyatt. None of this is, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the reason things are all messed up. Not you. You and Chris and Mommy mean everything to me. You're the things that keep me from falling apart." Leo explained to Wyatt._

"_Come on, baby, come home. Daddy's not going anywhere, I promise." Piper said._

_The demon Leo vanished and Leo rushed over to pick up Wyatt._

"_I'm so sorry."_

"_It's not your fault, it's not anybody's fault." Piper soothed._

"_Still, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find my way again." He said sadly._

"_Yes, you do, you just have to try."_

Piper got up and brushed her jeans off. "You, mister, are so grounded!"

Paige jumped up too and scoffed. "You'll ground him for pushing you to the floor, but not for turning evil?"

She pursed her lips, mulling over the idea. She nodded slowly. "Yeah. That too."

"What are you talking about?" Leo demanded. "Wyatt isn't evil. How could that sweet angel be evil?" He motioned towards the older Wyatt.

All five looked over his attire. His black skinny jeans molded to him like a second skin. He wore a tight black baby gap t-shirt (why those were still in style, who knows) over the t-shirt was a vest that was – no surprise – black, you could barely distinguish it from his shirt. Combat boots were on his feet, and his sharp blue eyes looked intense because of the skinny black streak on his eyelid...

"Are you wearing guy liner?" Chris asked.

"No!" Wyatt shouted too quickly. "It makes my eyes pop. Don't judge me!"

Little Wyatt sat on the ground. He could _not_ believe he grew up to be that loser. It was sad.

"_Grams, are you coming down?" Paige asked to the ceiling._

"_Ugh, she's being a martyr." Phoebe groaned._

"_Grams, please."_

"_Last call, woman!" Piper warned._

"_Oh, very well." Her voice echoed before she appeared. "Just so we're clear, my way would've worked too. Nevertheless you're all forgiven. Except Leo."_

"_Why not me?" Leo asked slightly offended._

"_Because I owe you the apology. I'm sorry I thought you were evil." she then said hastily, "Not that you could blame me."_

"_That's an apology?" He asked incredulously. _

"_I'd take it if I were you." Victor suggested._

"_Alright, let's do this before I change my mind." Piper snapped._

_Piper handed over baby Chris._

_"I call forth from space and time, matriarchs from Halliwell line, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, are family's spirit without end."_

_Dozens of woman spirits, all from different time periods, appear in the room. And the screen slowly fades to black._

Baby Wyatt watched as his parents, aunts, brother, and future self bickered about something or another. Baby Wyatt stared at his palm, he slowly closed his fist and...nothing happened. He sighed and blinked. The room froze. He blinked again and they all orbed to the Statue of Liberty's head.

Wyatt was young and his powers weren't fully developed, so they would thaw out in about half an hour or so. At the most. If he was lucky they would all be so freaked out that they would accidentally trip over nothing and fall off the crown. But alas, Halliwells luck sucked. He blinked one last time and orbed his future self back to the future. Because, let's be honest, he was starting to get annoying.

He orbed himself on the couch and picked up the list. He glanced at the signature at the bottom and his eyes became as wide as saucers. "Santaaaa."

* * *

_**Yes, he's two and his freezing power doesn't last very long, yet he can orb people to the future. Very contradicting. Luckily, this is fanfiction, and here, nobody judges. And if you do, you can bite me.**_

_**Yes. I did comment on the whole incest thing people have a fad with. Do you know how many stories I've come across where Wyatt and Chris are doin da nasty behind closed doors? Many. Slash? Doesn't bother me. I've read many. Incest? I'm okay with, not a big fan, but eh. Chris and Wyatt gettin it on. No. However, on the other hand, Chris and Paige? Hell to the yeah. It is very incesty. But, you have to admit, when Chris was in the past they were SO sneaking glances at each other. Don't deny it people. **_

_**So, lets see, what else...Happy late VD...**_

_**It would be amazing if you could review. My birthday is the 25th. Send me a cyber gift, will ya? I enjoy reviews, books, reviews, reviews, books, reviews, reviews, reviews, and cookies. Getting the hint?**_

_**Good bye, my pets, see you when the sun comes up (i. e. next time I update.)**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Hola, minions. Well...I don't have much to say. Let's see...Review. That's a big one. Oh and enjoy, that's important and...party on.**_

_**Thanks to my wonderful beta – Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell.**_

_**And last but not least: I don't own shit.**_

* * *

Wyatt clapped his chubby hands and orbed the remote to his hand. He pressed his poker finger to the menu button and used the direction pad to go down to the next episode on the list. He grabbed a pen and sloppily crossed out the episodes they were barely paying attention to.

Suddenly, two swirls of orbs formed in the middle of the living room. As soon as the orbs went away Patty rushed over to Wyatt hugging him.

"I can't believe they would leave you alone!"

Penny snorted. "This surprises you? Leo probably convinced them. God only knows what else that dirt bag did."

Wyatt glared at his grandmother and great-grandmother. No, not because they were bashing his father. He could barely understand what the hell they were saying. But because they were here to watch him, and now, he wasn't alone. Mood killers!

Patty sat down practically squeezing the life out of him with her ghostly arms. Penny sat beside her and took the little boy from her arms and sat him in between the two.

_The camera slowly showed Piper's car sitting in front of a Chapel. The screen swiveled to Piper and Paige sitting in the car. Paige's feet rested on the dashboard and she talked on her cellphone and Piper yelled orders for P3 in her phone. _

"_This is ridiculous. We need more than ten cases of beer." Piper said tiredly. _

"_Look, we can't keep doing this, Phoebe, because Piper and I actually have lives." Paige said in a very pissy tone._

"_Okay, call Phil at the beauty bar and he'll lend you a couple of cases of beer. I will call the distributor tomorrow." Piper said._

_Paige huffed and rolled her eyes, "No, Phoebe, I haven't seen the demon or half-demon or whatever the hell he is. Yeah, I think demon fighting is important, but you, missy, are at home doing research. And Piper and I are here on the front line."_

"_I gotta go." Both Piper and Paige said._

"_Bye." Paige said. She flipped the phone shut and looked at her older sister. "Why is it every time Phoebe runs away from a guy, that we actually pay for it?"_

"_I know," Piper agreed. "she sleeps with Leslie and suddenly she's got us chasing demons all over town while P3 falls apart."_

"_And she has to get her active powers back because we can't keep picking up the slack."_

"_I wish the demon would hurry up and attack already."_

"_You know, it's okay. I cast a protection spell on the innocent, so it should be alright." Paige informed._

Patty gasped. "Oh that's not good."

"You think they would actually teach her something, but nooo, instead they all just get attached to a one night stand." Penny rolled her eyes. "Do you know how many times that's gotten me in trouble? There was this one time in 1968, I planned on never seeing the man again, but knowing my luck, I ended up getting pregnant with his child." She looked at her daughter who was staring at her with wide eyes. "...And it was the best mistake that ever happened to me...!"

"_Come to pray, have you, Arthur?" A man asked._

_Arthur knelt on the steps, and at hearing his voice, shot up. "Who's that? Kevin?"_

"_That's actually my human name." He said, amusement coated his tone. _

"_Human?" The guy lifted his head up showing his face. Half of his face was gray and scaly, and his eye was red; "Wh-What's happened?"_

_He took off his hood. "This?" he asked, "It's just a little ritual I've been performing to reveal who I truly am... are. Who I hope to be soon."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_My real name's Sirk, from my father's side. He was a demon. And I will be complete as soon as I've eliminated the last of my human lineage. And that's where you come in." An energy ball danced in his palm, he quickly threw the ball at Arthur. Paige and Piper walked in, Piper immediately tried to blow up Sirk. He knocked backwards but floated back up quickly. "Ouch. That really stings."_

"Hmm," Penny mused. "His demon half looks familiar." she turned towards her daughter, "Did you date him?"

Patty shook her head. "Of course not! He's a demon! Why? Did you?"

She shrugged. "Who knows? I've dated so many in my lifetime it's hard to keep track of who's who."

Baby Wyatt gaped. "_**You slut!"**_

She caught his surprised stare. "Oh don't judge. It's not like you've never been there before."

"Mother, he's two." Patty pointed out. "I don't think he can even understand you."

"You guys underestimate him, but it's so very obvious that he isn't as dumb as his father."

"I thought Leo was your friend.." Patty trailed off.

"He was." Penny confirmed. "Until 1971. He was intoxicated and tried to 'pick me up'. He made a fool out of himself. The next day he apologized...After waking up in my bed of course..."

_Arthur, with a big gaping wound in his chest, asked,_ "_Can you tell me if I'm alive or dead?"_

"_Uh, well, the thing is-is... we're not really sure." Leo stuttered._

"_I might be able to answer that question." The Angel of Death_ _said._

"_And you would be?" Phoebe asked._

_The camera zoomed in front of his face, making a swishing noise. "I'm the Angel of Death." he answered, from the shock Arthur passed out onto the couch and a lamp fell to the ground. "I knew your sister, your mother, of course, and your grandmother."_

"_Alright, we get the point. What do you want?" Leo asked coldly._

"_Do you kill people?" Paige asked._

"_No, Paige, I don't kill. I merely claim the souls of those who've already died" He said smoothly._

"_And you're here for who now?" Phoebe asked with a squint of her eyes._

"_Oh, don't worry, not any of you. No, this time I'm here for him." he pointed a finger towards Arthur. "The problem is, I don't seem to be able to claim his soul yet, even though he's dead. It's fascinating, really. I've never had this __problem before. Any ideas why now?"_

_They all turned towards Paige. She sighed, and her arms fell to her side. "I cast a spell."_

"_A spell? You trapped a soul with a spell?" He asked a big incredulous_

"_It wasn't intentional." She protested. _

"_Reverse it now!"_

Suddenly Leo and Paige orbed in with Piper and Phoebe, Chris was dragged unwillingly by his ear that Piper had a death grip on.

Phoebe swayed back and forth. "Whoa," she shook her head. "That was weird!" she looked at the two new arrivals in the living room. "Who are you?"

Patty raised her eyebrows. "Are you okay, Phoebe?"

"Yes, you are acting a bit off." Penny said. Her eyes widened, suspicion seeping into her eyes. She looked over Phoebe cautiously. "Girls, back! She's a demon!"

Piper rolled her eyes. "She has amnesia."

"How did she loose her memory?" Patty asked, concerned.

Piper looked away and Leo avoided Penny's gaze. Chris played with his powers, lifting Wyatt up in the air and tossing him around. What a great little brother!

Paige laughed. "Wyatt kept knocking her out 'cause she was acting like an idiot. Curtsey of a Mr. Leo Wyatt."

"Wyatt?" Penny asked while looking in the air at the bouncing baby.

"No. No." Paige shook her head. "Evil, insane, Wyatt from the future."

Penny sighed and shook her head. "How sad, and not surprising," she stood up and grabbed Patty's arm. "We should get going. You can get back to this...odd show. Love you, darlings."

"Blessed be!" Patty called before they disappeared.

_In the emergency room a man lay on the cold metal table. Defibrillator paddles pressed to his chest, at the shock his chest jumped with the paddles. The nurse shook her head as the monitor flat lined._

_The doctor looked at his watch, "Call it. Time of death, 11:35 am."_

"_11:35 am." The nurse echoed, "We'll make a note of it..."_

_The Angel of Death stood in the doorway with all of the commotion going on. "It's your time."_

"_Get his wallet. Get his I.D. Find out what happened from the paramedics." The doctor ordered._

_The angel held out his hand and curled into a fist. "Come."_

_The man's sole rose halfway, "I can't move."_

"_What do you mean? Your time has come. Now free yourself." He beckoned._

_His soul returned back to his body and the monitor beeped._

"_Doctor!" The nurse shouted._

"_How in the world?..."_

_Sirk opened the doors slightly from the outside. "Looks like we both have a problem."_

_The Angel of Death walked out into the hallway. "How is it that you see me, demon?"_

"_It's simple. With each life I take, I absorb whatever gifts they have."_

"_You can have your gifts. I just want my souls."_

"_And I want you to have them. That's why I'm here, to help. The witches, they've really screwed up the natural order, haven't they?"_

"_The witches stopped one death with their spell, that's all." he defended._

"_No, no, no, no, no. They've stopped many deaths, just like the one in there. Don't you see it? By messing with the grand design, they've created a bottleneck, one where death literally ceases. That's the only explanation. Perhaps by combining our vast array of gifts, you can learn how to reverse the protection spell yourself. Then we can both just move on."_

"I swear on Lindsay Lohan's life," Piper growled. She didn't like Lindsay that much and was more than happy to swear on her life. "if someone says Grand Design one more freaking time I am going to kick some ass!"

"Who's Lindsay Lohan?" Phoebe asked.

Paige gasped. "You don't know who she is? She was in Parent Trap. Shame!"

"What the hell is a Parent Trap?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"I am going to kill her." Paige said angrily.

Chris made Wyatt's hand reach out and pat Paige's shoulder. "Calm, Aunt Paige, calm." Chris soothed. "We don't need another restraining order."

Paige snapped out of her phase, "Restraining order?"

"Nothing!" he shouted loudly. "I said nothing. Future consequences. Shut up," he hastily tried to cover up. "Oh, hey look, a TV."

"_Some cop came by yesterday asking questions about you. FBI or something. Oh, what was his name? Um, Brody. Agent Brody." Les told Phoebe._

"Oh no!" Phoebe shouted. "Damn. Damn. Damn-ity. Damn. Damn."

"Are you okay, Phoebs?" Piper asked concern in her tone.

"No! Obviously not. Some Agent Brody is looking for me." she paused tilting her head in thought. "I could just use my witchy powers to stop him, couldn't I?"

Piper sighed. "I don't want to have to go through this all again." she glared at Phoebe. "No. That's personal gain."

Leo shot up from his seat and hovered over Phoebe. "I have an idea," he placed his hands atop her head and the warm golden glow sprouted out. It passed through her skin and she shook her head abruptly. Now, oddly enough, she couldn't remember a thing that happened and sent Leo the evil eye.

"What the hell are you doing?" Suddenly, a shiver passed through her and her attention was elsewhere. "Ooh! Shiny!"

_Paige and Piper orb in an alley to see Arthur dead on the ground and the Angel of Death hovering over him._

"_Uh, what have you done?" Paige demanded panicky._

"_What I should have done in the first place. I've reversed your spell and took the Chaplain's soul." He answered calmly._

"_And you helped a demon in the process." Piper pointed out._

"_On the contrary. Your demon helped me."_

"_You can't do that. You're supposed to be neutral." Piper said._

"_Circumstances were unusual. Your spell had unforeseen consequences."_

"_What kind of consequences?" Paige asked._

"_People have to die in the order on my list. If one person doesn't, all death ceases. Now I have to work overtime to collect the souls I've been unable to claim, to undo the damage you've done to the grand design." _

"_Damage? We've done more than almost anyone to protect your grand design." Piper growled._

"_Look, we should leave it. We have a demon to go after." Paige said._

"_We've given up a lot to make sure you have less work. I have two kids and a business, and I still find time to fight demons, too. It's not our fault you can't keep up."_

"_That isn't my problem." The angel said._

"_It sure as hell isn't my problem!"_

"_Stop yelling at Death!" Paige said. Piper and Paige walked across the street and Angel of Death followed._

"_I don't care. He is getting on my last nerve."_

"_You witches created this mess, not me. But you're going to help me clean it up." He reached out and Piper fell to the ground._

Phoebe jumped up and down and bounded towards the TV. She rubbed Angel of Death's hair and muttered shiny in a very dream-like-state.

"That's it!" Chris screamed abruptly. Wyatt fell to the floor with a thump and Chris tackled Leo to the ground. He pulled out a vial and shoved the contents down his father's throat.

Leo sat up when he was done choking on the potion. "What was that for?"

Phoebe stood in front of the screen dazed. She looked around the room and smiled widely. "Thank God! I have my feelings back." she walked over to the couch and sat down. "It was horrible. Traumatizing." she shuddered. "He was always feeling happy, bubbly, sexual; sexual feelings for men, sexual feelings for Piper, sexual feelings for himself. He's fascinated with shiny hair, ever since he had a sex dream about Dan. I don't think I can recover."

"You got all of that from empathy?" Paige asked. "Impressive."

"You'd be surprised how far that stupid power can go."

"I'm not stupid!" Leo shouted. "I'm sensitive..."

"That made no sense." Chris pointed out, going back to his task of tossing Wyatt around.

Leo started to cry. "See? Sensitive!"

_In the hospital Piper stood watching a woman cry beside her deceased husband. The man's soul materialized beside Piper and she jumped._

"_You scared me."_

"_I scared you?" he asked incredulously "Who are you, and what's happening?"_

"_Well, I think you might actually be, you know, dead." she said sadly. He looked at her in shock, "I know. Bummer, huh?"_

"_Are you here to take me away?" He asked._

"_I don't know. I think so. See, I'm kinda new at this." _

_Suddenly, instead of the hospital room, the two stood in a pale dreary room that held nothing, the ghostly plane. The double doors opened and they walked into the hallway._

"_What's happening?"_

"_Good question." Piper said._

_A vortex opened in front of them._

"_Where does that go?"_

"_I'm not sure, but I think I'm supposed to take you in there. What do you say?" She took his hand and they walked towards the vortex. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm a little scared too." They walked into the blue swirly light._

"Awe," Phoebe said sadly. "That poor man."

"I would hate to be the Angel of Death." Piper said as she winced at the thought.

"An," Chris corrected. They sent him a questioning look. "An Angel of Death."

Leo nodded and wiped his faux tears. "Only having one Angel of Death would be too difficult. People die all the time and all over the world. So, there are multiple Angel's of Death. Like the angel that almost took Chris away; Clarence."

Paige glared, "So, what you're saying is that _that_ Angel of Death is melodramatic and or a big fat liar?"

"No. No." Leo said hastily. "All angels have really large workloads. They were created purposely to collect souls and when they don't they die. There's no point in having them around if they don't do what they were made for."

Chris nodded. "Sometimes, if you were really special and gifted as a human you can become an Angel of Death in the afterlife. You can turn it down, and not all witches become Angels of Death, whether it be from turning it down or not getting an offer."

"The point is, he wasn't lying and you did cause the Grand Design to become off balance." Leo said.

Piper glared and her hands shot up in the air. She flicked them and he combusted in tiny blue orbs before coming back together. "Once again, anyone else that says Grand Design will die! You thought I was kidding. I wasn't."

"Sweetie, technically Leo can't die..." Phoebe pointed out.

"Wanna be next?"

She brought her lower lip in her mouth and bit to keep herself from saying anything.

_A short haired blond reporter talked on the TV and Leo watched intentely, "It's unclear whether the death of local club impresario Piper Halliwell is related to the Death of Chaplain Arthur Casey, but police insist every possibility is being investigated. We'll have more on this story at 11:00."_

_Phoebe walked in and Leo turned off the TV._

"_This is really bad." Leo said. His lips pressed in a line of worry._

_Phoebe looked at him. "Leo, relax. Piper's been dead before."_

"It's sad that we can say that so casually." Piper stated with a pout.

"It's sad how you don't even comment about you being dead numerous times." Phoebe said.

Piper shrugged.

_Paige walked in talking on the phone. "We're very, very sorry, too. Thanks for your condolences." She rolled her eyes and bid them a goodbye beofor hanging up. "Okay, I think this is too big for even us to cover."_

"_What about the Cleaners?" Phoebe suggested._

"_No, they won't help, not after last time. If Piper suddenly wakes up in the morgue, you have to explain it."_

"_So what are we gonna do?" Paige asked her face communicating her weariness. _

"_Well, we'll figure something out. We always do, and in the meantime, we have to find the demon before he kills another relative." Phoebe said._

"_Okay, you know what? I'm gonna call Darryl and see if I can get him to postpone the autopsy." Paige announced. _

"_I'm gonna go to magic school and stay with the kids." Leo informed before orbing away._

"You can't, CAN'T, wake up in the morgue, mom!" Chris shouted frantically. "Do you have _any_ clue at _all_ what will happen if you do?"

Piper's eyes blazed with fury. "Well! If someone hadn't put up a protection spell on mortals and ultimately stopped people from dying, we wouldn't be in this problem!"

Paige pouted, "I was just trying to help." she murmured.

Phoebe held her hands up to stop the two. "Will you two quit it? This isn't helping anyone!"

"Yeah!" Chris agreed. "Because Mom is going to wake up in the morgue and then freak everyone out, which will cause us to be on the six o'clock news. It'll be like the Salem Witch Trials all over again. Before you know it, Mom will be hung by a noose or burned alive on a wooden pole!"

"Calm down." Leo soothed, always the peace maker. "This hasn't even happened yet."

"So," Chris said thoughtfully. "What you're saying is that we just leaked information from the future. This could have dire consequences!"

"Oh will you shut up!" Phoebe screeched spasticaly. "No one cares about your stupid future consequences!"

"Guys!" Leo shouted. "You need to stop fighting over something so trivial."

"Shut up!" The Charmed Ones chorused.

He shrunk back in his seat from fear. Hell hath no fury for a witch scorned. Especially if that witch was part of the power of three. Then, you were just screwed. Mind numbingly screwed.

_Arthur's wife sat in the pew of the chapel and Sirk sat a row behind her._

"_Harriet?" Sirk asked._

_She turned her head and looked behind her, "Do I know you?"_

_He replied with his head ducked low, covering his gray scaly face. "We've never met. I'm Arthur's cousin, Kevin." he lifted his head. "But you can call me Sirk." He removed his hood slowly. Harriet stood up, frightened, her breathing erratic and tried to leave. He grabbed her by the arm as she passed by the side of the pew. "Ah, so it's true." he lifted a hand towards her stomach. "You are going to be a mother."_

_Her voice shook as she asked, "How did you know?"_

"_I have many gifts, and unfortunately for you, I just need one more." he whispered sadistically. Harriet yanked away from him. He created an energy ball and Piper appeared beside Harriet. "Oh, no, you can't interfere." he reminded her and himself. "You're neutral."_

"_You're right. I can't. But they can." She pointed a finger at her two sisters that stood behind Sirk. _

_He turned around and Phoebe kicked him in his face with her high heel. He fell to the floor with a grunt and Paige and Phoebe ran towards Harriet._

"_It's okay. You're gonna be alright." Paige soothed. She held onto Phoebe and Harriet and orbed out. _

_Sirk stood up and looked at Piper, no anger in his face, only confusion. "So how did you..."_

"_Know?" she suggested. "I saw her name on the list." she held her hand out and the list materialized in a puff of smoke. "But it's not there anymore."_

"_It will be again. One way or another." He whispered, the wrath coming into his voice and face. He shimmered out with a glare._

_Piper looks at the list and red light stroked across the top of the list. The light disappeared and in black spiky letters Phoebe's name appeared._

"I-I'm going to die?" Phoebe whispered hoarsely.

"It was bound to happen at some point." Paige said nonchalantly.

Piper rolled her eyes. "Don't listen to her. You'll be fine."

Chris grimaced. "Or, of course, you could always be killed by some loser half demon named Sirk."

"I refuse!" Phoebe yelled.

"Hey!" Leo protested. "That's not very nice. He doesn't seem that bad to me. He's sorta cute."

"Cute!" Piper growled. "Did you just say cute?"

"N-No! I didn't say cute! Where would you get cute from? Cute!" Leo scoffed. "...He's HAWT!"

"It's a sad day when your husband admits to being attracted to a male." Paige shook her head. She then shrugged, "Then again, he's actually said it many a times." she stared at her older sister. "What a downer."

_In the hospital Piper stood, sadly. The Angel of Death whisked in behind her. She looked over at him, when she heard the sudden whisper of wind, and looked away. He tilted his head curiously, almost as if he were waiting for her to say the inevitable. _

"_I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit." Piper informed._

"_You can't quit, Piper." he started to walk towards her. "Not until you catch up."_

"_You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it." She said firmly._

"_We don't get to decide who lives or dies. Only circumstances can change someone's fate."_

"_Well, then I won't collect any more souls. I'll go on strike." She replied stubbornly._

"_So to save your sister, you would threaten to stop all death?" He asked, almost accusingly._

"_You got it."_

"_That's rather selfish of you, don't you think? Unless, of course, you think that death is pointless."_

"_Well, I..."_

"_It's not, you know. Far from it. Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live."_

"_Yes, but–"_

"_Which means that ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life? This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger." He whisked away and she stood there her eyes bringing with tears._

"Now _that's_ a downer." Piper said.

"You're not going to collect my soul, will you Piper?" Phoebe asked desperately. Her brown eyes big and child like.

"Well..." Piper looked away.

"Piper!" Phoebe snapped. "Promise!"

She bit her lip and avoided her gaze.

"Piiiipeer!" Phoebe whined.

Paige chuckled. "Would you not do the same?"

"I would protest with all my might!"

"What if it was me? Would you still protest?"

"Yes!"

"Chris?"

"Mhm."

"Leo?"

"Yup!"

'Wyatt?"

"For sure!"

"Brittney Spears?"

"Eh..."

_In the alleyway Sirk waited for when the Charmed Ones would come._

"_Interesting. I was expecting more of a family affair, like, perhaps your other sister." Sirk commented after Phoebe and Leo orbed in._

"_You wanted to discuss a truce? Discuss." Phoebe said._

"_Alright. Here's the offer. You give me my cousin's wife, and I won't kill you."_

_Phoebe blinked in surprise. "That's it? That's your offer, huh? No deal. Forget it."_

"_In that case, I guess I'll just have to kill..." He turned around and shot a lighting bolt at Paige. "Her." Phoebe and Leo run over to Paige. Leo knelt beside her, uselessly trying to heal her body. "Didn't see that coming, did you?" He smirked before shimmering away. _

"_Why isn't it working?" Phoebe demanded._

"_We're too late."_

Paige glared at the TV. "Just my luck! Phoebe's on death row and all of a sudden the sneaky witch replaces me with her."

"Hey, Paige, that's not fair." Leo said. "Sirk probably didn't mean to kill you. He's too cute to be evil."

Paige raised an eyebrow.

"I like redheads," he sent a wink her way which in turn made her confused out of her freaking mind.

_Piper and Paige appeared in the ghostly plane._

"_This isn't good, right?" Paige asked._

"_I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go." Piper said her voice choked with emotion._

_The vortex opened and the two sisters walked towards it._

"_Where does that go?" Paige asked in a squeaky voice, her eyes filling with tears._

"_To where you're supposed to go. Don't be afraid. I'll be with you the whole way." she took her hand._

Piper shook her head determinedly. "No! We won't let that happen."

"I didn't even get to meet John Stamos!" Paige wailed.

_Sirk fell to the floor, dead after Phoebe threw the potion at him._

"_Interesting how our paths keep crossing, isn't it?" The Angel of Death said casually to the now human Kevin._

"_What happened?" He asked._

"_Come." He beckoned._

"_Ah-ah-ah! Not so fast. I want Paige's soul back." Phoebe demanded._

"_Sorry. You know the rules."_

"_Yeah, I do, better than you think. Check your list. He's not on it." The list appeared in his hand. "We changed the circumstances."_

"_First, you want to stop a soul from moving on, and now you want to add one." He said incredulously._

"_Not add. Trade. His soul for Paige's." Leo explained._

"_This is unprecedented?"_

"_What? No, you can't do that." Kevin said._

"_Keeps your precious cosmic balance in order, doesn't it? What have you got to lose?"_

"_You can't be taking her seriously." Kevin said._

"_Dude, you're dead!" Phoebe snapped. "Start acting the part."_

"_This has been quite a remarkable day. Even for me."_

"_So what do you say? Do we have a deal?"_

Paige bit her fingernails anxiously.

"Paige, don't do that." Phoebe scolded. "That's a nasty habit."

Chris nodded. "I once saw this demon, he had really sharp teeth, and he ended up chewing his fingers."

"Really?" Piper asked.

"No."

Paige dropped her hand from her mouth only to take Chris's hand and start biting his.

_In the alleyway Paige lay on the ground and her finger twitches. She sat up and breathed a sigh of relief._

_In the morgue several bodies are lay on gurneys covered with sheets. One body moved and sat up and pulled the sheet from their face to reveal Piper._

"_Ooh!" She gasped when she saw Agent Brody sitting in the corner._

"_Talk about your miracle recoveries." He stood up and walked towards her._

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_Confirming my suspicions. Confirming that magic really does exist, even though I don't quite understand it yet."_

"_What do you want?"_

"_I want to help you get out of this mess. I want to tell the local authorities that you were working undercover for me to help solve the chaplain murder. I want to tell them that I asked you to fake your own death."_

"_What's the catch?" she demanded._

"_The catch is that I'm going to need your help with something even greater. I'll be in touch."_

"Yes!" Paige exclaimed. "I live! I will meet you John Stamos! I will!"

* * *

_**That's good. Always leave off on a strong joke. Or a weak joke. That was pretty weak. The whole chapter was pretty weak. Some of you have been complaining about the bashing of the Phoebe and the Leo. I'm working on Phoebe. Leo? Not so much.**_

_**I hope you enjoyed. Review and all that jazz.**_

_**P.S. Happy Birthday to meee! :P I am 13. Joy. Note heavy sarcasm. Well, technically not yet. I shall be thirteen at 2:40 in the afternoon. It is 11:15. Still. Yay? Nah. Not so much. Just another year older. On the bright side, I get to buy lots of books with my b-day money. **_


	25. Chapter 25

"John Stamos?" Phoebe asked, her voice high and squeaky from being incredulous. "Bob Saget is sooo much cooler."

Paige glared. "Bob Saget sucks. John Stamos on the other hand..."

"Bob Saget!"

"John Stamos!"

"Bob Saget!"

"John Stamos!"

"Oh, will you two shut up!" Piper growled. "Dave Coulier. And that's final!"

Chris rolled his eyes and chose the next episode. "Full House sucks." They all turned on him and glared. "Whoa, whoa, okay." He held his hands up in surrender.

_Piper sat in the attic at a table drawing lines on a map. She picked up a pin to mark the map and pricked her finger. She screamed an ow._

_Leo walked in just as she shouted, "What happened? Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah. Nothing a little sleep can't fix." She said quietly._

_He held his hand out. "Here, let me heal that."_

"_No."_

"_Come on."_

"_I said no!"_

"_Piper, this is ridiculous. We have to talk about this."_

_She lifted her head. "Actually, what we need to do is find where the next demon attack is gonna be. And I think I just did. A pentagram, naturally."_

_'What do you want from me? What do I have to do to prove that I've changed, that I'm okay?"_

"What happened?" Leo asked. "I couldn't have died...I'm already dead." he mused.

"Like you haven't used that excuse before." Chris snorted. "Just 'cause you're dead doesn't mean that you can't go and jump off a cliff and never come back."

"Hey!" Piper yelled. "That's your father!"

"Yeah, a father who tried to kill me."

"Who hasn't tried to kill you?" Paige asked.

"Hmm." Phoebe said thoughtfully, "I'm sensing déjà vu."

"That's what she said." Leo snickered.

"That makes no sense." Paige pointed out.

"That's what she said." He repeated.

"Stop that!" Piper yelled.

He laughed. "That's what she said."

"_Are you hiding something?" Phoebe asked._

"_No." Leo denied._

"_Yes." Piper said. She turned to Phoebe and Paige talking about potions. "Are you sure those are gonna work?"_

"_Yeah. As sure as I can be at 5am." Paige said._

"_Before you go..." Leo started._

"_Do you know where the demon's gonna attack?" Phoebe interrupted._

"_They're making a pentagram and there's only one point left, so we need to get there before sunrise." Piper said._

"_Piper, you can't walk out on this." Leo protested._

"_You're right. We should orb. 16th and Mission."_

"_Got it." Phoebe said. Paige orbed the two away._

**"**_Damn it. I said no!" Leo shouted. Suddenly, what just happened backtracked all the way up to the attic. Leo stood confused as Piper shouted ow again._

"_What happened?" He asked._

"_Nothing a little sleep won't fix. It's fine."_

"_Didn't you just say that?"_

"_What?"_

"What just happened?" Paige asked with excitement in her voice.

"I-I think time rewound." Piper said hesitantly.

Paige turned on Leo happily. "Can you rewind time?"

He shook his head. "No. Not that I know of."

"Try!" Paige ordered.

He closed his eyes and thought really hard. He clenched his eyes and stomped his feet trying really hard.

"Stop that!" Piper commanded.

He chuckled. "That's what she said."

Paige gasped. "Y-You can rewind time. Holy crap!"

"Sweetie, he didn-" Phoebe started to explain.

"Shut up!" Chris yelled. "He totally did."

_Alpha picked up an ancient looking hourglass."Our powers are not meant to be used for personal reasons, Leo. You know that." Alpha, one of the Avatars, reminded._

"_I know. I didn't mean to, it just happened." He said guiltily._

"_Yes, because you wanted it to happen." He snapped back at Leo._

"_You must be more careful in the future, learn to control your emotions." Beta said calmly._

"_Control is the first discipline of an Avatar. Otherwise, our powers can become dangerous to others as well as to ourselves." Alpha said._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Reversing time the way you did requires great power. It drains the Collective and it puts us at risk." Beta informed._

"_And we must remain at full strength if we are to defeat the forces of evil, if we are to implement the change." Alpha said._

"_I get that, but Piper's my wife. She knows something's up. I can't keep lying to her."_

"_We understand your position, Leo."_

"_But to tell her outright might cause her to overreact and mistakenly view us as a threat." Beta continued._

"_As might her sisters as well."_

"_They must come to the truth in their own time and in their own way, just as you did."_

"_What if they don't? What if Piper never sees the future you promised?"_

"Freaking Avatars." Chris said angrily. "Utopia my ass."

"Utopia?" Piper asked.

"Sounds like a crappy Nickelodeon movie." Paige said.

"It's supposedly a world without demons." Chris said.

"Demon free?" The sisters questioned simultaneously.

Leo shook his head roughly. "That's not possible. That's not natural. Good can't exist without evil and vice versa. That world wouldn't be able to last long. It would be a bunch of brainwashed mortals that have no meaning for life."

"Wow." Piper said, astounded. "I didn't know evil affected our world so much."

"Yeah. Wow." Paige agreed. "That was so passionate and smart. Good for you Leo."

"Yeah, well, as soon as you guys figured out that they were killing people who caused conflict you dropped it like it was on fire." Chris said.

_A car pulled up in the alleyway that the girls were residing and a man got out._

"_Is that our innocent?" Paige asked._

"_We're about to find out. Get the dye. They have to become visible to attack. Let's go." Piper instructed._

_The man opened the door to a warehouse and Malvoc – a demon – stood inside._

"_Who the hell are you?" The man asked._

"_It won't matter." He replied._

_He drew his fist back and punched the man in his stomach causing him to shoot backwards. Piper, Phoebe and Paige ran over._

"_Hey!" Piper called. She flicked her fingers and his arm got a bleeding wound in it, causing him to step backwards a little and sparks flew off his arm. He yelled in pain and told his invisible friends to kill the and then disappeared._

"_Throw the dye!" Phoebe yelled. Both her and Paige throw the vials into the air, Piper made them explode, the potion landed on the demons, unveiling them. One of the demons threw and energy ball. Paige called for it and sent it back, vanquishing him._

"_Heads up, guys." Phoebe said. She grabbed a hunk of medal and hit the next energy ball towards the demon who conjured it, causing him to combust in flames._

_Piper tried to blow up the third demon and he flashed away. "Well, that didn't go too well. They were a lot more powerful than I thought." Piper said._

_Paige knelt by the unconscious man. She touched his head and said thoughtfully, "He's still alive."_

"_Okay, let's get him to magic school, and we'll find out who they are." Piper said._

"_And make more potions." Phoebe added and Paige orbed out with the man in her arms._

"That's stupid." Chris said. "If an energy ball can kill them you'd think a Charmed One's power could."

"Very unrealistic." Piper nodded. "My powers are way to amazing not to kill him."

"Don't sound so smug." Paige chided. "My powers are much better."

"You can Orb." Piper rolled her eyes. "Woopdie doo."

She waved her hand and Piper disappeared in a swirl of blue and white orbs. "My power rocks."

"Mine are better." Phoebe said. "I can see the future. And levitate. Aaand distinguish feelings."

"Any person can 'see the future'. You float five feet off the ground. And that's called being a Therapist."

Phoebe glared and levitated in the air and kicked her in the face with her pointy heel.

"_My_ powers rock."

"_Hey." Darryl greeted._

"_Hey." Phoebe said._

"_Is this a good time to talk?" He asked._

"_Uh, actually, yeah. Paige is out on a date. What did you find out?"_

"_Nothing." He admitted._

"_Nothing. Okay, well, nothing is good, right?"_

"_No. I mean, I can't find anything. It's like Sheridan's disappeared off the face of the earth."_

"_What are you saying?"_

"_I think that maybe Brody did something to make Sheridan disappear. Something bad, maybe."_

"Praise Agent Brody!" Chris said.

Suddenly, Piper walked into the living room, livid. "Do you know what I had to go through to get back here? I had to do stuff that I am _not_ proud of."

"Like what?" Paige asked with a laugh.

"I'd rather not say." she said stiffly.

Leo twirled a blonde curl around his finger and squealed. "Ooh, scandalous!" he sat closer to Piper. "Spill!"

Piper grimaced.

"What's with the grimace?" Phoebe asked.

"What's with _your_ Grimace?" Piper shot back.

Phoebe pet the purple stuffed animal. "He's McDonald's lovable purple friend."

"That thing scares the shit out of me." Paige shuddered.

"Says the one who tried to give Wyatt a creepy ass clown." Phoebe countered. "He'd probably come alive during the middle of the night and go Chucky on Wyatt's ass."

Paige pulled the clown out from behind her back. "She didn't mean that."

"_What is the matter?" Piper asked after she unfroze._

"_I, uh, I need to tell you something." Leo said._

"_I'm listening."_

"_Well, the reason I know the demons aren't working with the Avatars is because I'm an Avatar."_

"_What?" Piper looked at him, the disbelief slowly sliding off her face. "Oh, my god." She dropped the bottle of beetletoe into the pot and caused it to explode, which sent her flying across the room._

_Leo ran over to her and asked, "Piper?"_

"_No!" She pointed at him. "You stay away from me."_

Paige shook her head in disappointment. "Out of all the times you choose not to use your powers, this is the worst."

Phoebe looked guilty while nodding. "I have to agree...you could have saved us from so much trouble."

Chris smirked. "_A lot_."

Leo glared. "C'mon. That's not nice. What have I done wrong?"

Piper narrowed her eyes also. "That's not nice, guys! Leo isn't _that_ bad, really, think of all the times he's helped us."

The three tilted their heads thoughtfully, oops, I stand corrected, four, little Wyatt did it also. They all snapped out of it the same time.

"Nope." Chris shook his head.

"Not so sorry." Paige said.

Wyatt nodded. He glared at his father.

"Ah!" Phoebe shouted. "Not true! He healed us, countless times."

Chris cursed. "Damn."

"Nope." Paige said, popping the 'p'. "That's over ruled by the infinite number of times he's ruined everything in the past, and that's just the previous couple of days watching this horrid show."

Piper huffed angrily. "You wanna get blown up?"

"Sounds kinky!" Paige said deviously.

"_Something's happened, Leo." Sandra said._

"_Look, I don't have time for this. I have to get back to Pi..." Leo started to say._

"_We've detected a power surge, a time shift. That could only mean one thing. The Avatars are making their move."_

"_How do you know it's them?" Leo asked._

"_Because no demon has this kind of power, not since the Source."_

"_So, what do you want from me?"_

_'We want you to alert The Charmed Ones. We expect that the Avatars will be coming after them first. What is it?"_

"_Nothing." Leo denied. "I just don't know how much we know about them, that's all."_

"_We know they're a threat."_

"_Why, because they have power?"_

"_Yes. The kind of power that in the wrong hands could be a danger to us all."_

"_Okay, so, are we a threat?"_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Elders. I mean, we have a great power, but we're only a threat to demons." Leo pointed out._

"_And your point is?"_

"_My point is is that we don't know enough about them to fear them. How do we know they're not a benevolent power I mean, who are we to judge them before even meeting them?"_

"_If they were benevolent, they wouldn't lurk, insidiously waiting to make their move. They would show themselves. This is no time to lose your faith in all that we're about, Leo, despite all that's happened in the past. We need you on our side." She orbed away._

"Leo!" Paige scolded. "You are sinning!"

"You're Christian?" He asked, shocked.

She waved her hand. "Yeah, but that's beside the point. Won't the Elders smite you down, or something?"

"Being an Elder isn't a religious belief, Paige. They can't punish me for lying."

She furrowed her eyebrows, but then nodded in understanding. "Exactly! Because it's a cult, right?"

"No!"

Phoebe titled her head. "It sure does sound like a cult. You're devoted, you practice magic, involved with demons..."

"I am _not_ in a cult!"

"You lie!" She seethed.

Paige coughed. "Sin, sin. Elder smite him down." She coughed again. "Cough, cough."

"_Piper, think about it. A demon-free world? It's everything we always dreamed about. Don't you think we should at least consider that after everything we've been through?"_

_She looked down and avoided his gaze._

_Suddenly three demons appeared. One threw an energy ball and Leo dodged it. The second threw another one and Leo dived onto Piper, pushing her out of the way. Leo got up and threw electricity at one, vanquishing him. The second demon hurled another energy ball and it hit Piper on the arm. Leo shot electricity at them and vanquished the third demon. The arm band slides along the floor towards the second demon. He looked up to see Vassen standing behind a wall out of sight._

"_It's just a graze." Piper said. Leo pushed the table out of the way causing Piper to yelp. He walked up to the demon and electricity cracked from his hands and shot towards the demon, causing him to burst into flames.. Vassen disappeared. Leo walked back over to Piper and healed her wound._

"_They really want that innocent. I just wish I knew why." Piper said._

"_There'll be more of them." Leo said._

"_Yeah, well, at least we have a way to find them now."_

"_Don't mean just them, Piper. I mean demons. And they'll just keep coming back, over and over, just like they always have, unless we let the Avatars stop it forever."_

"Okay! Seriously, Leo! Whose side are you on?" Piper demanded. "It's ours, then the Elders, then the _demons_ and now these things called the Avatars? This is getting really tiring. Just choose a damn side already!"

Leo shook his head smiling slightly. "I'm on your side Piper. Always."

"Awe!" Phoebe squealed. "That's so-"

"Lame." Paige cut in. Phoebe glared. "I...uh...nope. Lame pretty much sums it up."

"_What are you looking for?" Paige asked._

_Kyle walks out of the closet carrying a silver suitcase. "This." He snaps open the case. "Does he know where the others are?"_

"_Others who?" Paige asked._

_He looked up at her. "The other Avatars." He growled. He lifted the lid up and pulled out a vial._

"_No, he didn't say. Why?" Paige asked._

"_What is that?" Phoebe asked._

"_It's a potion."_

"_For what?" Phoebe questioned._

"_For killing Avatars."_

"Dun. Dun. Dun." Wyatt gurgled dramatically.

Leo held his stomach. "I-I'm gonna be sick!"

"Oh, Leo, don't worry." Piper soothed, rubbing his back. "We won't let him hurt you."

"Says you." Chris muttered.

He opened his mouth, gagging. A purple liquid mixed with blood and um...other stuff...that I can't legally say...without this rating turning to Mature audiences. Well, it already is for a mature audience...unless there are some seven-year-old's reading this. That can't be good...poor kid's probably traumatized...My bad...

"Oh shit!" Phoebe swore. She shivered as his emotions once again passed through her. "Hey, is that cu-"

"No!" Piper shouted. "No. It isn't. Shut up. No one asked you!"

She gasped. "Whoaa..." She crawled towards the vomit. "This looks amazing when you're stoned."

Paige furrowed an eyebrow. "You're not stoned."

"She is when she feels Leo's emotions." Chris answered. He nodded his head. "Yeah. He's really dumb."

"_Something is not right. Why would Malvoc attack only to retreat? How would that help him get to the innocent?" The leader asked._

_Leo orbed in with Piper and she showed them the arm band._

"_Lose something?" She asked. She threw band to the ground and then threw a potion and vanquished two of the demons. Leo threws out a huge force of electricity and fire, vanquishing them all. "What was that?"_

"_All part of the package." Leo answered._

"_That was a lot of power."_

"_Yeah, when it's used wisely. See, the Avatars could destroy us or force us to change, but they don't. Isn't that enough reason to trust them?"_

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Leo? Huh?" Paige asked angrily. She pointed a finger to Phoebe who was trying to lick her elbow. She gave up and started to make snow angels in Leo's puke.

"I am on a drug." He answered.

"Ah!" Chris exclaimed. "_That_ makes sense."

"It's called Leo Wyatt. It's not available because if you try it, you _will_ die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body."

Silence. Complete, utter silence.

Paige raised her hand. "Shouldn't you be dead then?"

_Kyle shot Paige in the back with a tranquillizer gun and she fell to the floor._

"_What did you do?" Phoebe demanded._

"_It's just a tranq. She'll be fine." Kyle said, as if this were an every day occurrence. Yeah, very guy knocks his girlfriend out with a tranquillizer dart...Back to the show, Kyle pulled out his gun and pointed it at Phoebe._

"_What are you doing?" Phoebe asked._

"_I'm killing an Avatar, and nobody's gonna stop me."_

"Way to go Paige you're boyfriend's crazy." Piper said.

"You're husband's gay!" She retorted.

"Touche..."

"_I don't want to hurt her, but I will if I have to. Your kind is responsible for a nightmare that won't go away, for all those nights waking up in a sweat begging that the flashbacks were just a dream." Kyle said._

"_Kyle, please." Piper begged._

"_It's not a dream, though, is it, Leo? You Avatars are as real as the air that we breathe and just as vacant. My parents were viciously murdered by them. So if I were you, Leo, I'd do what I say."_

"_The Avatars couldn't have killed your parents, Kyle. They believe in peace." Leo said._

"_I'm gonna give you three seconds to summon one of your buddies here, so I can kill them. If you don't, I'm gonna kill you."_

"_I can't do that."_

"_One..."_

"_Avatars aren't the enemy, Kyle."_

"_Two..."_

"_Leo." Piper said._

"_Three."_

"_No!" Piper shouted. Leo shot electricity at Kyle and he dropped the vial as he was knocked backwards. The vial broke on the floor and a thick grey cloud of smoke entered Leo's body and he fell to the floor. "Leo?"_

"_Piper, wasn't supposed to happen like this."_

"_No, it's okay. It's okay." She started to cry. "No, no, no, no, not now, please. Leo? Leo, come on." Suddenly time freezes and Alpha and Beta appear._

"_I don't understand, how did this happen?"_

"_The potion is real, Leo. It kills Avatars." Alpha said._

Leo cursed. "I'm a dead man."

Chris laughed. "You all ready were." He pointed to Wyatt.

Wyatt scowled and extinguished his energy ball. He smiled innocently at his father.

_Piper stood near the doorway watching the boys sleep when Leo walked up to her._

"_They asleep?" Leo asked._

"_Yeah. Finally."_

"_Piper?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Look, I know you think there's something I haven't been telling you."_

"_Leo, not now." Piper said._

"_Just hear me out. There actually is something I'm not telling you, but not because I don't want to. It's because I can't."_

"_What do you mean you can't? The Elders won't let you?"_

"_Well, I can't even tell you that. I can tell you you're gonna find out soon. (She looks at him.) You're gonna be okay with it."_

"_Oh, yeah? How do you know?"_

"_I know you."_

Wyatt positioned his crossbow at shot the arrow towards Leo. Chris laughed and moved his two fingers to the right, causing the arrow to land in the wall.

"Blast!"

* * *

**Yeah, yeah, Wyatt's suddenly Stewie Griffin from Family Guy. I'm really sorry, pets, but I have been having a bad case of funny writer's block on this story. Sorrry. :(**

**Thanks to my beta reader: _Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell_ She is _really_ the best. Ask anyone. :)**

**I still own nothing. Nada. Zip. Ziltch. However you say nothing in every other language. ;)**


	26. Chapter 26

_**Heads up before you read this: I do like the Titanic. It was a good movie. And, I'm sorry for the delay, I've been trying to post this damn chapter for about a week now but fanfiction is being a female dog (wink, wink) (bitch) (wink, wink). Why did I put those in parentheses? **_

_**I hope you enjoy the chapter. :) Review 'n' sh!t.**_

_**Thanks to my usual beta: **Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell**.**_

* * *

"Awe!" Phoebe cooed and grabbed Wyatt by the ear to suffocate him in a hug. "He's just expressing himself, aren't you little buddy? You're gonna be a creative little guy. Just like your aunt Phoebe."

"Creative?" Paige raised an eyebrow. "Reeeaaally?"

Phoebe nodded excitedly and dropped Wyatt – which caused him to fall to the ground and ricochet to the wall and then back to the floor. Seriously, when did the walls and floors turn to rubber? – she ran upstairs and came back down with a piece of large paper. It was a drawing of two stick figures. One was tall and had super short black hair that stuck in the air every which way. The other was short and had a energy ball in it's hand poised at the taller figure with an evil smirk adorning it's face.

"How cute!" Piper praised and flicked her fingers. Wyatt froze in mid air – don't ask, I know technically she can't freeze good witches but since when is Wyatt good? – and plucked him out of the air. "Did you draw that, little man?"

Wyatt rolled his eyes.

"No!" Phoebe shouted. She stuck her thumb towards her chest proudly. "It was _all_ me!"

Oddly enough no one asked why she drew Wyatt evil.

Chris sighed. "You're more stupid than Miley Cyrus when she smoked a bong full of Salvia."

"Who the fuck is that?" Paige asked.

"You don't wanna know."

_On the screen, Drake – a demon who gave up all of his powers to become human, did you hear me? HUMAN. Okay, so he still has his powers, but if he uses them for evil a sorcerer gets them. So, you know, what's the point of even being a live anymore? You have all these powers inside you, but you can't use them for evil. If you can't use 'em for evil, what the hell can you use them for? Huh? – came flying out of a room and he crashed against the wall._

_He shook his head and got up. He waved the smoke away. "Boy. That was swingin'!" He pointed to the students in the class room. He looked over to Paige and the father and daughter she was giving a tour to. "Hi."_

"_Hi. This is Professor Drake. This is April, one of the students who's applying." She introduced._

"_Oh, salutations." he walked over and held his hand out. "How do you do? Hello."_

"_Drake is our visiting lecturer on advanced magical compositions." Paige explained._

"_In this case, magical musical compositions. That's the use of meter and tempo in spell casting and conjuring." They heard a grunt and a loud noise coming from the room. "Oh, the troll is here. Why don't we see if he'll dance for us. Come on." They stand at the doorway. "Hey, you put them down! All of 'em..."_

"_Wow, will I get to take his class?" April asked excitedly._

"_Sure, why not?" Drake said._

"_Yeah, actually, Professor Drake's gonna be going on sabbatical in about a week." Paige reminded._

"_That's right. I forgot about that little wrinkle. But with eager minds, and the power of magic, it's midsummer madness all the time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta cut in."_

Paige pursed her lips. "He looks familiar..."

Piper nodded. "Yeah, he does..."

_On a random street an older security officer stood in front of an abandoned building, pointing a gun._

"_They'll burn! They'll burn! Don't you understand? They'll burn. We have to help them." He shouted to the panicked crowd. A police car pulled up. "I don't want to hurt anybody. We have to help them! They're burning." The policemen got out of their car and pointed their guns at the man. "I don't wanna hurt nobody, but I need somebody to listen. We need help." One of the police officers tackled him to the ground. "You don't understand. You don't understand. The fire..."_

"_Relax, pal, you're under arrest." The officer said. He handcuffed him. "Get up."_

"_We gotta help Marie!" The older man shouted._

"_Just calm down, buddy. Come on, everything's gonna be okay."_

"_No, it won't. You don't understand. The fire. You have to let me go so I can get help! They're gonna burn! They're gonna burn!"_

_The camera zoomed in on a muddy a muddy hole in front of the building, screams echoing from the dark abyss._

Chris narrowed his eyes. "Whoa! I know who that guy is!"

"Who?" Phoebe asked curiously. "Is it another one of my demon boyfriends? Damn, they just won't leave me alone." She smacked her ass. "Well, who _wouldn't_ want a piece of this?"

"Someone with common sense." Leo muttered.

"Oh shut up, Brian!" Phoebe snapped. "You wouldn't stop givin' it to me when we hooked up!"

"You lie!" he denied. "Alyssa _lies_!"

The younger and older Charmed Ones ignored whatever nonsense they were spewing and turned to Chris eagerly.

"He was that dude from that movie you always made me watch. He was the redhead's fiance from uh...damn...Titanic! Yeah, Titanic."

All of the Charmed Ones stopped talking and stared at the ceiling with a vacant look in their eye, which was normal for Phoebe. "Titanic..." they drawled out in a trance-like state.

Leo also had a vacant look in his eye which was also usual for him. "Leonardo DiCaprio is so _hawt_!"

You see, in 1912 there was a ship that was claimed 'unsinkable'. So all of the rich snobs and not good enough second or third class boarded. But, again, it was 1912 for crying out loud. The most impressive thing they created was the zipper. Now, if they had created the Wii maybe they would be a little more appreciated. But they didn't. So, during their first sail the impressive ship stumbled upon an iceberg. The hunk of ice put a gaping hole in the bottom, which caused water to rush in and you guessed it: sink.

Now that story was so charming to Hollywood that they decided to create a cute little love story out of it. No one wanted to even think about that horrific day though, and they had spent so much time in energy in that movie! So to make profit from it they only had one choice. They shoved microchips into everyone's brain. The creators of the 1997 movie had control over the brain. They programmed the chip to hypnotize the brain whenever it heard the word "Titanic". The person would stutter out comments of it, praises, until ultimately the person would leave and go watch the movie, and again praise the genuineness of the movie. The government found out about this in March of 2013 and executed the makers of the movie and pulled out the microchips of everyone's brain.

Chris raised an eyebrow but ignored them.

"_**Titanic was the best movie ever made."**_ Wyatt thought.

"We should totally watch it for the thirty-second time, but it'll feel like the first, because it's _that_great!" Paige said excitedly.

"I know!" Piper shrieked in agreement. "It was the movie of the decade. It's the bestest movie I have ever seen. I only wish they had made a couple dozen sequels."

Chris snorted. "And what would happen in it? Jack isn't dead and the old ass couple live happily ever after for a day before they both die of old age?"

"That song was so sweet. I could listen to it all the time." Phoebe gushed and pressed her hands together while mumbling the melody off pitch.

"Shut up. you can't sing." Paige said. "But _anyone_ on the Titanic cast can sing because they are perfect in every way and they were so great in the movie Titanic that I was speechless and in awe."

"Leonardo DiCaprio is soooooooo _hawt_!" Leo said. "Like yummy. Like I could totally lick his abs yummy."

"Titanic sucks." Chris stated.

They all turned on him their irises a dark black and spider web imprint like-bags under their eyes. "Take that back!" they hissed.

"No. I can't." Chris shook his head. "It had so many plot holes. The lake where golden boy went to when he was younger that he told the redhead about was only filled with water six years _after_ the Titanic sank. Where the hell was he ice fishing?"

Paige twitched.

"Or, when they were singing that song at the church service, some of those lines weren't added until 1937." He added.

Phoebe itched her hair, light smoke – barely noticeable – blowing from her ears.

"_And_ when the ship is tearing apart you can see the wires that pull the actors into the tear in the deck!"

"C-Can no-not c-c-compute. T-Titanic i-is the be-best m-m-m-ovie ever-r." Piper stuttered horribly.

Suddenly, smoke blew from all of their ears as the microchips died.

"Worst movie of all time!" Paige stated. "Who wants to relive _that_ moment? Huh?"

Leo licked his lips. "DiCaprio. Yum."

_Phoebe opened the door. "Hey, Darryl, how you doing? Gotta go." she grabbed her coat and he grabbed her arm, stopping her._

"_Hey, hold on a second. I need your help." he looked over at the younger Charmed One. "Hi, Paige."_

"_I was afraid you were gonna say that."_

"_What's the matter?" Paige asked._

"_I'm not sure, but I think I've been around you guys long enough to know when something is not right." he said._

"_What do you mean? Something magically wrong?" Paige asked with a tilt of her head._

"_I don't know what else it can be."_

"_Listen," Phoebe interrupted. "I'm on the clock here, so you gotta speed this up a little." she spun her hands in circles to emphasize her point._

"_Okay, look, my friend Mike, my mentor, actually. He's the one that brought me into the force. I think that... he might be, you know, possessed, maybe. He's not crazy. I don't care what anybody says. I mean, Mike would not hurt a fly." Darryl explained._

"_Whoa, wait. Back up to the possessed thing, please." the youngest Charmed One said._

"_Well, since Mike retired, he's been working at this jewelry store as security on Market. And lately he's been having these... episodes."_

"_What kind of episodes?" Phoebe asked._

"_Well, they've been happening more and more frequently lately until yesterday when he just snapped. He started waving his gun around, talking about he's gonna die in some terrible fire at Cabaret Fantome."_

Piper glared heavily at the TV. "Why does it seem that every single freaking week we get caught up in something magical, huh?" she turned her unnerving stare on her husband. "Huh?"

He shifted in his seat on comfortably. "Um...uh...'c-cause...er,"

"Because it makes for a good show!" Phoebe stated happily.

Piper narrowed her eyes at her younger sister. "Oh, so our lives are just some _show_ to you, Phoebe?"

Phoebe nodded, not having a thought in the world...wait, damn, I mean care. "Well yeah..." she gestured to the TV. "Dumb ass."

_Paige and Darryl walk over to Mike, "Hi, I... I'm..." Paige started to say._

"_Marie?" he asked._

"_No, I'm Paige." she corrected and the hopeful smile and gleam in his eyes extinguished. "Who's Marie?"_

"_My fiance. She's trapped too." he explained._

"_Trapped where?'_

"_At the club with everybody else." he answered._

"_Cabaret Fantome?"_

_Mike leaned forward slightly, constricted by the wraps on his wrists. "Yes! Yes, you know it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You believe me?"_

_Darryl placed a hand on the bed. "Just relax, Mike."_

_Mike turned on him. "No! My name is George. I keep telling you that!" He lunged at Paige. "We're gonna die. Don't you understand that?" she jumped backwards slightly, placing a hand on her chest._

_Darryl looked at Paige. "If that's not possession, what is it?"_

Chris rolled his eyes. "A man in his sixties who is delirious?"

Piper nodded earnestly. "Yes! Yes! It is _nothing_ magical. Nothing!" she looked over at Leo to make him back her up. "Hey, where's Leo?"

Speak of the dumb ass and the dumb ass shall appear. He orbed in with a chicken wing hanging from the left side of his mouth and a straw slurping up Dr. Pepper in the other corner. "Hey," he said, the food falling to the ground.

"Where have you been!" Piper didn't so much as ask, but scared it out of him.

"Sorry," he bent down to get the wing, his straw scraping against the side of the cup and causing Paige to wince and glare. "I just got back from–"

"Hershey Highway?" Chris suggested with a smirk.

Paige snickered. "He does like to drive there a lot."

Phoebe nodded. "Isn't he the patrolman there...?"

He glared and stomped his foot. "No! I was at KFC."

Piper looked thoughtful. "You know, he does like to go in the back door a lot of you know what I mean..."

"Piper!" Leo scolded. "That is private, untrue, and vulgar!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Piper said, "If anyone is the gross one, it's you. I mean I have told you to take the mirrors down, but you just don't listen. I really wanna watch myself being violated, and your bare ass in the dim light."

Leo blushed but then said, "I knew you liked it."

Piper didn't bother explaining it to him.

_Phoebe read the title of the book that Drake dropped on the table, "Possessions, Confessions, and Ghostly Obsessions: A demon's guide to everything magical."_

"_Yeah, I used to sell these things lair to lair. Talk about a tough item to move." He informed._

_The book opened and once again, Phoebe read, "Lost souls are spirits of the dead, unable to move on because of spiritual confusion."_

"_That's when souls die a violent death together. The fires of Gomorrah, the Flood, Pompeii." Drake explained, and the book started to shake. "I would step back. The book likes to show off a little, don't you?"_

_A rope flew out of the book._

"_What the hell?" Phoebe asked._

"_Don't be afraid, it's simply illustrating a point. When souls die at once, the good ones can't move on because the bad ones are holding them back. And vice versa. They're lost, they're stuck in their respective afterlives, unaware of their tragic fate. It's really sad, actually."_

_The book slammed shut._

"_Okay, but if they're unaware, how are we supposed to help George?" Phoebe asked._

"_We can't. Unless we enter his world and find out which one of those bad souls is holding him back."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Well, this spell would get us there, but I'm not gonna tell you what it is unless you take me."_

"_Wait, us?"_

"_How many chances do we have to go to the 1890s?"_

"_It's not going to the 1890s that's the problem. It's getting back from the 1890s." Paige stated._

"_Don't you worry there, little lady. The spell will only keep us with the souls till the moment they become lost. In this case, it's when the fire begins."_

"Just so we're clear, he is talking to the book. An inanimate object." Paige said.

"I hear that's the first sign of schizophrenia." Chris said.

"Oh, like you're one to talk." Leo said.

Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, don't you hear voices, Chris?"

"No." he scoffed.

"_**You sure?"**_Wyatt asked with a little smirk.

"I think you are. I mean it makes so much sense." Phoebe stated.

"_**Make her shut up. You know you can. All you have to do is take a shovel to her temple. Or glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool."**_

"Will you just _shut up_!" Chris exploded.

"No one was saying anything, Chris..." Paige said, smirking widely.

"I am not sciz–"

"_Suuuure_ you're not." Piper drawled out.

"Mom!"

Piper shrugged.

"_It's probably haunted." Drake mused, he turned around to look at the girls. "Or better yet cursed. Cool, let's go."_

"_Is there a special reason we can't do this from home?" Paige questioned, pouting slightly._

"_The closer we are to where the souls were lost, the better the chances of finding the exact one we are looking for," he explained before climbing out of the front seat and practically collapsing into the back next to Phoebe, which caused her to giggle. "Excuse me. Safety first."_

"_What are you doing?" Phoebe asked._

"_Getting comfortable," he shifted around, "What else? You don't want my body...," she rolled her eyes and he motioned towards to where he was sitting earlier, "slumped in the front seat. It's too conspicuous. Phoebe, living," he gently took the cell phone out of her hand, "isn't about tasks. It's about _living."

_Drake clicked his fingers and an old sheet of paper appeared in his hand._

"_All right. Paige, are you gonna make sure Elise bumps my interview two hours?" Phoebe asked._

_Paige nodded, "I'm all over it."_

"_And we will be back before two hours?" Phoebe asked Drake._

"_Yeah. We'll return just when the fire begins. Which, based on what you said about George, seems imminent." he answered._

_"Free our souls from their shells,_

_see where the lost spirits dwell,_

_long enough to find their pain,_

_quick enough to return again."_

Phoebe stared at the TV, practically twitching. Her body convulsing in spasms.

"Oh my God!" Piper shouted. "Is she having a seizure?"

"No!" Leo looked appalled. "She's going to have a B.F."

"A B.F?" Paige asked slowly. "What's that?"

"A _bitch fit._" Leo whispered, slightly scared. He shrunk back in his seat and pulled his knees to his chest.

"What the hell!" Phoebe finally shouted. "Does he _not want me? _I mean, why else would he change what he was saying right in the middle of the sentence?"

Paige stared at her as if she were an idiot, "He said _you_ didn't want his body, not that he didn't want yours. And the whole changing what he was saying, it's called flirting. But, I guess you've never heard of that term before, have you? You practically jump in the sack as soon as you see a guy_."_

Piper glared at her younger sister, "Don't say that, Paige," she scolded.

Phoebe continued as if she heard nothing, "I am the _shit. _No one can get enough of me." She grinned and fluffed her hair, "I guess I'm just that hot."

"No one can get enough of me?" Chris whispered quietly. "Who said that? I asked to get less of you a long time ago." he turned to his mother and sane aunt. "Seriously, how come no one put the thought in her mind that she wasn't desired a long time ago?"

"Prue tried to, but Phoebe wrote it off as her being a bitch and jealous." Piper said.

"Well, Phoebe did sleep with Prue's fiancé so, you can't blame her for wanting to get rid of her." Paige said.

"She lied about it though, saying that he put the move on her." Piper continued.

"He sure was a hot piece of ass though..." Leo thought out loud.

_The spell worked, the two being in Cabaret Fantome. Drake stared at a woman who walked past them._

"_All right, keep your eyes in your socket, buddy. We're here for George, remember?" Phoebe reminded._

"_That doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves. Come on, it's 1899. You may not remember, but I do. What, the Gilded age? It's a time when everyone thought life couldn't possibly get any better. There was science, there was art. There was peace and love. And romance. Everything was a celebration!"_

"_This is a celebration? Everyone's dead, just like..." Phoebe started before a woman's voice interrupted them._

"_George? George?" A woman walked up to a fortune teller sitting at a table. "What did you do to him?"_

"_I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."_

"_Don't lie to me. I saw him over here talking to you and now he's gone." The girl growled._

"_What can I say? He likes my cards."_

"Whoa, George is getting' frisky with the fortune teller." Paige smirked.

"He'd have to be flipping hammered to nail that chick." Leo stated. "Ohmigod, did you hear her accent? I bet he could do _sooo_ much better."

"Like who?" Chris snickered. "You?"

Leo sniffed. "Maybe."

Piper glared. "My husband is _not_ gay!"

"You must be blind then." Paige said.

"_Well?" the Count asked._

"_Well, they're not the law. I don't know where they came from." Toulouse said._

"_I'm more interested in how they got in. And if they're my way out..."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Toulouse, what if I was to tell you everyone in this room has been reliving this same night for over 100 years? Like rats on a wheel. I mean, nobody knows it but me. And what if, no matter what anybody did, or how hard they tried, there's absolutely no way out? And all the drinking and gambling and... the girls. Well, what if they didn't mean squat? What if, you'll love this, I told you that it was going to be like that forever? Forever. What would you say then?"_

"You're delusional." Chris supplied helpfully.

"Have you had too much to drink?" Paige answered the Counts question.

"Maybe I shouldn't get you that scotch..." Phoebe said, when the Count asked for one on the TV.

"You high?" Piper glared. "And didn't give me any. Shame!"

Wyatt's eyes glinted, a half crazed look in his blue irises. "Wanna work together?"

"You just look _delicious_ tonight!" Leo purred.

Silence. Leo always has to ruin everything. Making it all awkward. They simply continued to watch TV.

"_Piper! Piper, Leo!" Paige shouted. Piper, Leo, Wyatt, and Chris orbed in. "How was the vacation?"_

"_This better be an emergency. We were just about to go for a gondola ride." Paige pointec to Phoebe and Drake. "Per l'amor di Dio!"_

"_Oh, for the love of God." Leo translated._

Phoebe opened her mouth, to say something.

"Shh, wait. Do you hear that?" Paige interrupted.

Phoebe scratched her head, listening intently.

"That's the sound of no one caring."

"_Do you like the cigar?" The Count asked._

"_Quite." Drake puffed out._

"_They're hand rolled in Havana, and shipped to my dealer Philippe, special. He's right across the street actually. Would you like to take in the night air, pay him a visit? He loves new customers."_

"_Sure. Care to join us?" Phoebe asked, smirking slightly._

"_Sadly, I am unable to leave the club."_

"_And why is that?" Drake asked._

"_Because as they say... the show must go on, right?"_

"_Ladies and gentleman, please welcome your host, Count Roget." The piano player announced._

_Count Roget stood up. "Feel free to enjoy the show from here. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience."_

"_We're dying to see it." Phoebe said. Count Roget walked up on stage. Everyone appaluded. Suddenly, a glass window shattered and you can see a fire on the other side. Everyone screamed. The camera zooms to the clock saying twelve. "Right on time."_

_Another window shattered near the fortune teller._

"_Could have waited till after the show." Drake complained and grabbed Phoebe. "Come on, we gotta get to the spot."_

Leo watched as George appeared in the fire. "Do guys do a fan dance?" he bared his teeth and purred at the TV. "I wouldn't mind seeing him dressed up in a costume, only thing between us being two fans and a bejeweled thong."

Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, dayyum!"

"Tall, dark, and sexy better watch out." Paige said.

"He's dead." Chris pointed out.

Piper snorted. "That's not stopping, Phoebe." She looked at Leo and sighed. "Apparently not stopping Leo either. God, Leo! Will you stop humping the TV!"

Paige hit him. "I swear to God, if we have to buy another one because you ejaculated on it, I am so going to kick your ass!"

"_The Count definitely knew. He just stood there watching everybody burn." Phoebe said._

"_You think he's a demon?" Paige asked._

"_No, if he was, he wouldn't be reliving it."_

"_No, but maybe he made a deal with a demon. If he's the one bad soul trying to hold everyone back, he'd do anything to keep from moving on." Drake said._

"_Doesn't seem like much of a deal, though. He's stuck as well." Piper pointed out._

"_Yeah, but anything's better than purgatory. Trust me, it's... " Drake said, "Besides, he's probably trying to buy time. Find another way out."_

"_Okay, so how do we help George and the other souls move on?"_

Leo stopped licking the TV, "No! Don't make him move on!"

"He has to, Leo, so the other souls can," Piper let down gently. ...Or not so gently. "So quit your whining and get the hell over it!"

"You evil slut!" Leo seethed as he turned on Phoebe. He flew towards her and tackled her to the ground. She glared and kneed him in the crotch. No reaction.

"What the hell?" Phoebe asked.

Leo smirked.

"Yeah, he's like a ken doll down there," Piper said, "Just a smooth surface..."

"_The doctors are saying that he's schizophrenic or something. First he's George, then he's back to being Mike again. Now he's George." Darryl said._

"_That must be who we saw get back into the club before we left." Phoebe said._

"_Perhaps the fire starting is what pulled George back in the time warp." Drake pondered._

"_He knows what's really going on." Phoebe said._

"_And can only escape long enough to cry for help."_

Phoebe kicked Leo off of her and brought her pointy pump heel into Leo's eyeball. He screamed in pain and she smiled smugly in triumph. Leo jerked back and screeched like the girl people suspected he was, and what his lack-there-of junk suggested.

"Oww! It's caught in my eye socket. Your damn last fall Marc Jacobs knock off pumps are stuck in my flipping eye socket! The cheapness burns!"

Paige nudged her eldest sibling. "See? I told you he was gay. Even I didn't know what type of shoes she was wearing."

Piper scoffed and rolled her eyes, "That's because you have no sense of fashion," she motioned towards her skinny jeans. "Those went out of style years ago."

"On the contrary, they do come back in style," Chris said, "And Wyatt made sure they stayed in style. He, and I quote 'Won't be caught not wearing the latest style'."

Leo tore away her shoe from his eye. The green eyeball rolled onto the floor and Chris shrieked like in that high pitch voice he pretended not to have.

Leo picked up the eye ball and put it back in his socket, "Fake eye. Bad bar fight '96."

"He's lying," Chris informed once he caught his girly breath. "Got in a fist fight over a Prada purse."

"_We can go back in to free you and everybody else, but we're gonna need your help." Phoebe explained to George._

"_Anything. Anything." George cried in relief._

"_What can you tell us about the Count?" Phoebe asked._

"_He's the one who did this. He cursed everybody to save himself."_

"_Yeah, we know." Phoebe said._

"_Maybe he was talking to someone else, maybe there's..." Drake said._

"_Did you see him talk to anybody else, anyone unusual that night?" Phoebe asked._

"_Yes, yes! Every night before the show he sits with this frightening-looking man at the center table. And then the Count, he signs something."_

"_That could be the deal." Drake said._

"_They might still be there."_

_Drake turned to Mike or George, who ever the hell he was, "This may be a silly question. Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable?"_

"_Save Marie."_

"Screw, Marie," Leo said. He fluttered his eye lashes. "I'm the one you want."

"Awe, that's so selfless of him." Phoebe cooed, "That is so attractive in a man." she tapped a finger to her lip. "I've never banged an old guy..."

"God, Phoebe, you're such a slut." Leo said.

"Oh, like you're one to ta–-"

"There is no male equivalent of a slut, especially one that has the same level of skankiness."

"Man whore." Chris immediately answered.

"SHUT UP!"

"_We're late." Phoebe said as they appeared at the top of the stairs._

"_No, we're not. Let's go." He said before grabbing her hand and running down the stairs._

"_There's nobody at that center table." Phoebe said._

"_Your demon is long gone. In fact, he left 106 years ago. Right after we made the deal. Long before the fire. You know..." Count Roget said. He changed his voice into Mike's, "The fire! It's coming back! You gotta believe me!" Phoebe and Drake look over to George and Marie sitting at a table near by. Toulouse pointed a gun them. "Please, you gotta help me and Marie! Or something like that?"_

"_Oh my God, that was you in Mike's body. You tricked us!"_

"How could he?" Leo screeched. "You hurt George!"

"It's easy. Guys with looks get away with everything." Phoebe said simply while primping her hair. "That explains me."

"Not really." Paige drawled.

Leo started to cry.

"It also helps to have a demon on your side..." Chris trailed off.

"_What do you mean she didn't make it? How is that possible?" Piper demanded._

"_I don't know." The Count inside Drake's body said. He hit the mirror and it flipped, hitting him in the crotch. "Clumsy..." He hit the mirror again and it hit him in the head._

"_What's the matter with you?" Piper asked, incredulous._

"_Nothing. Actually, I'm splendid." He caught himself, "I mean... swell."_

"_Look, you have to go back and get her before the fire starts." Leo said._

"_It's already begun." he said with a yawn._

"_Well, then you need to go get her. Go!" Piper snapped._

"_Nooooo. What do you mean, go back there? Forget it." he scoffed._

"_Why not?" Leo asked._

_He looked out the window, "Perhaps if I go... outside... Have a smoke, you know, like... Consider the possibility of going back. I gotta go. Excuse me."_

"_Who are you? Count Roget!" He turned around and she tried to blow him up._

"_Oh, not bad. I guess I did choose the right body." he smirked._

_Leo put his hands up, but Piper stopped him._

"_No, don't. You're in enough trouble already with..." Drake shimmer out. "The Elders."_

"Ohmigod he is so _hawt_!" Leo gushed. "Lucky Count Roget, he gets to be inside Drake." he winked, "If you know what I mean."

_The TV cuts to a street where Drake is tiptoeing backwards, away from a dog. He breaks into a run, only to be stopped by a motorcycle._

"_Whoa! What kind of terrible world is this?" He demands to the dead night._

"_One you'll be leaving soon." Piper informed after her, Leo, and Phoebe rounded the corner._

"_No. They'll take me away!"_

"_Go to hell!" Phoebe shouted and threw the potion at his feet._

Suddenly, Leo's face contorted in an odd angle. He bit his lip, trembling. One eye bulged and the other went cross eyed.

Piper stared at him. "Damn it, Leo! Not again!" Someone white icky stuff disappeared from inside his pants and landed on top the TV.

Paige glared and got ready to kick him in his ass.

Chris held her back. "Wait...we could get something out of this. You can kick his ass after he buys us a brand new HD flat-screen. How 'bout that?"

She thought for a moment, weighing the options. "Nope!" she pounced, kicking and biting everywhere.

Phoebe giggled, "And he jizzed in his pants."

* * *

_**Heeeheee. Okay more disclaimers: Titanic, Didn't make the movie. Jizz in my Pants song, owned by the Lonely Island.**_

_**Okay, hope you guys liked it. I changed the rating to M...I think it was more fitting with the story. I've now decided this story is a crack fic. They're out of character, and to even include some of these jokes in here I clearly have to be on crack.**_

_**Don't forget to review and tell me what you thought. Reviews = Happy author. Happy author = um...Great day for Logan! Yay!**_

**Thanks to _www_ (_.) moviemistakes (.) com/film1299/page1_ for the Titanic mistakes.**


	27. Chapter 27

_**Dear Readers,**_

_**I must apologize for my slow updates. I have been having a really tough time with writers block. I'm sort of stuck on all my stories...I feel as if this story isn't funny any more. That's the main reason why I continued writing this story. At first, it was for my entertainment. I wanted to see how this would turn out, but then...I got all of these reviews, telling me I have to update soon and it was so funny. I enjoy making people laugh, it's what makes my day, to know that I put a smile on your face. I haven't been writing for myself on this story, I've been writing for all of you. And that's okay, because that's what I like. That's what I want to do on all of my stories. I want to entertain you with my writing. It seems as if I haven't been doing that lately, and I have to apologize for that. I'll try to keep working on it, for your sake, but I need inspiration. If I can't make you laugh with this story, then I don't see the point in continuing. Thanks for taking the time to read this. **_

_**Sincerely sorry,**_

_**That70sshowlova or Logan.**_

_**P.S. If you want me to continue, please do say so. Thank you.**_


	28. Chapter 28

**Hello, my pets. What have you guys been up to? Something evil, I hope. ^.^ Oh and have you guys read this review? So fucking funny! "Alright, wat the ** is this madness. NONE of the charmed 1s do drugs and piper does not no bout Chris till they tell her in courtship of wyatts fathr. Uve ** mutallated the ehole story, and stop making Leo seem so weird"**

**Dear, ****Anonymous****. First, I would just like to say, dude, c'mon, learn English, will you? Now that, that's out of the way: Lighten up! It's fanfiction. The point of this story is to distort the world of Charmed to **_**my**_** view. And make you laugh. The last one didn't seem to work...but thanks, man, your review cracked me up. Oh and about the Leo thing: NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HA.**

**Warning: This chapter contains the f-word. I figured since this was now rated M I could drop the f-bomb whenever I wanted...Fuck. Heehee.**

* * *

Piper sighed and pulled apart her sister and husband. Phoebe, like it was a routine, nursed Leo's wounds while Piper held Paige back.

"This happens entirely to often!" Phoebe declared while ripping Leo's shirt – like she would rip her own! This was Gucci! – and dabbing at the blood on his forehead. She shook her head disapprovingly, "You couldn't even get one hit in."

Paige laughed and Leo scuttled backwards, leaning into Phoebe, "At least now we know why Chris is such a wimp."

Wyatt snickered.

"I am not a wimp! I came to the past and risked _my life_ for my older douche of a brother." Chris protested feebly.

"No one asked you to." Paige retorted, bored.

"I-It was implied!"

"I wonder what our lives would be like if Chris never came to the past..." Piper mused while slapping Paige who tried to pounce on Leo.

Millions of fangirls across the world screamed – in many different languages, "Noooo!"

Leo tilted his head slightly, "Did you hear that?"

"Shut up, Leo." Paige said in Peter Griffin-ish fashion.

The TV magically turned to the next episode on the list.

**"**_Weren't we here before? Doesn't that mattress look strangely familiar?" Paige asked as she and her eldest sister orbed into an alleyway._

"_It's probably because we saw one just like it in the last alley and the hundred and fifty before that. They all start to look the same after a while. Now, where is this paragon of good we're supposed to protect?" Piper asked._

**"**_Hey, slow down. We gotta be careful, okay?" Paige cautioned._

**"**_Okay. I just need to get home before Leo is sentenced." Piper said._

**"**_Don't worry. When the Elders hand down their punishment, you're gonna know." Paige said._

**"**_Well, this waiting business sucks. I mean, Leo was an Avatar for less time than it's taking them to make up their minds."_

"Hey, Leo, random question: How long were you a virgin?" Paige asked suddenly, interrupting the TV which caused Wyatt to glare. Stupid family not shutting up long enough to actually watch the effing show.

Leo looked at her, alarmed, then his eyes narrowed in suspicions, "Why do you wanna know?"

She smiled innocently, "Oh, no reason."

"You should trust her," Phoebe stage whispered while poking Leo sharply in the side, "Looks legit."

Piper tilted her head curiously, going against her better judgment of telling her youngest sister to shut the hell up. "Yeah, Leo. You never have really mentioned anything about your life before and while you were a Whitelighter."

"I-I..."

Phoebe sat up straight, smoothing down invisible wrinkles on her skirt, "My client does not wish to speak of such matters."

"Yes. What she said." Leo said gratefully.

Paige pretended to straighten out invisible papers by tapping them lightly on an unseen desk, "Mr. Wyatt, is it true that were married before dying?"

"Yes."

"And in that marriage did you and the Mrs get it on?"

"Objection, your honor. Why is this relevant?" Phoebe demanded.

Chris rolled his eyes at her stupidity, "Because this is the trial for Leo Wyatt's virginity. Get your head out of your ass."

She giggled breathlessly and slapped her head lightly, "Oh that's right! Proceed, counsel."

"Yes. And in those brief years you and Lilian bumped uglies."

"Move to strike. Speculation." Chris interrupted.

Paige nodded, "Yes, sorry, your honor, I'll rephrase. And in those brief years did you and Lilian do da nasty?"

"I...Uh...I..." Leo stuttered.

"You have no right to badger my client!" Phoebe shouted while slapping Leo's head in anger.

"Yes I do! This is a court room!"

"Oh..that's right."

"NO! Okay? No!" Leo screamed under the pressure. "Lilian was a prude and didn't want to have sex. Ever."

"Naaah, Leo was probably just to busy checking out that guy's ass to notice that she was practically pawing at him." Phoebe whispered loudly to everyone in the room.

"In the case of Leo Wyatt's virginity I declare Piper as his first." Chris said finally.

"Oh God!" Piper shouted.

"What?" Leo demanded, "What is so wrong about that?"

"Well it puts me under so much pressure!" Piper said.

"Wait, wait, wait, _wait._ I think the important question is: Why the hell are we talking all lawyer-ish?" Page questioned.

**"**_Behind you, the innocent." Piper said._

**"**_If you women need a hot meal and a place to crash, there's a…" The woman started to say before Paige interrupted her._

**"**_Okay, hi. I'm wearing lip-gloss. Do I look homeless?" Paige asked._

"Weeeeeell..." Phoebe said awkwardly.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean, huh?" Paige demanded angrily while tearing out her cherry flavored lip gloss from her pockets and coating it roughly on her lips, only to be distracted by the smell of it and lick it off like a dog.

Phoebe snatched the lip gloss out of her hands, "It's not food, Paige!" she turned around discreetly and slurped up the lip gloss like it was cherry flavored ice cream. She turned back around, ignoring the stares and continued to answer her younger sister's question, "Look at what you're wearing!"

Paige looked down at her outfit only to scoff and look at her sister, "At least I'm not wearing stripper heels!"

"Six and a half inches is not considered stripper heels!" Phoebe protested.

Leo nodded in agreement and motioned towards his ten inch heels that magically appeared on his humongous feet. "Yeah. Phoebe's being a total freaking prude."

"H-H-H...W-What?" Chris stuttered stupidly while staring at his father's stripper heels. He shook his head and looked at his Mom, jutting his thumb towards Leo, "And you say he's straight."

"He is! Shut up! He's just creative!" she shouted earnestly while taking Leo's feet and yanking the red slutty heels off with all her might. She threw them in the air, froze them, and then blew them up. "_No one_ speaks of this."

**"**_Unfortunately, the council has been unable to decide your fate, Leo." Sandra said._

**"**_So, that's good, right? I'm not going to be punished?" Leo asked._

**"**_We didn't say that." Odin said, ever the downer._

**"**_We understand and we fully accept how being betrayed by an Elder, by Gideon, led you to the Avatars." Sandra said sympathetically._

**"**_Still, that doesn't excuse your betraying us." Odin interrupted hastily._

**"**_The council has come to realize that the central problem is your effort to balance two distinctly different worlds – yours with us and yours with Piper."_

**"**_So the only solution is to find out which world you truly belong in once and for all." Odin said gloomily._

**"**_How?" Leo asked._

**"**_A test, if you will."_

**"**_You'll be made mortal, stripped of your powers and your memories, and then you'll be relocated." Sandra explained._

**"**_If the love you share for Piper is so strong that you're drawn back to her despite all odds, then you will live with her forever."_

**"**_To live fully as a human without any interference from us ever again." Sandra said._

Piper scoffed, "Yeah, okay."

**"**_But what if I never find her, then what?"_

**"**_Then it means that your destiny is with us and we will welcome you, although you'll never see your family again." Odin said._

**"**_Are you out of your mind? I won't do that!"_

**"**_You have no choice."_

**"**_You have to know, Leo, this is not about punishing you. This is about helping you to find your way." Sandra said._

**"**_Okay, but if I end up with Piper, how do I know you won't eventually butt in again? Or if I wind up with you as an Elder, how do you know I'm not gonna leave…by falling from grace?"_

"Why do I have a feeling I'm going to do that?" Leo asked dreadfully.

Phoebe smiled cheekily, "'Cause Piper's-a-stupid and makes you do-a-stupid things."

Piper flicked her hands and Phoebe narrowly missed her stripper-heeled feet getting blown to teeny weeny itty bitty bits.

"What's with the tone Leo?" Chris asked while pulling Phoebe up. "You sound...regretful."

"R-Regretful?" Leo asked nervously, "What are you talking about? Certainly not me regretting ever being with Piper because she's a nut job. T-That's ridiculous!"

Piper smiled threateningly, "Damn straight!"

_In Texas Leo stood in the middle of the road, squinting at the bright sun and looking confused.. A truck horn beeped and swerved to avoid him. The truck flipped off the road, Leo ran over to the driver._

**"**_Come on, we got to get you out of here." Leo said. The driver groaned and Leo helped him out of the truck before it exploded._

**"**_Oh god…oh." the driver groaned._

"That's what she moaned." Phoebe snickered.

"That's what _you_ moaned." Chris corrected.

"That _is_ what I moaned!" Phoebe squealed. "How'd you know? Does peeping Elderosis run in the family?"

Paige sighed and shook her head pitifully.

**"**_Oh, hey, what the hell are you…you got any idea what you're doing?" the driver asked._

_Leo handed a stick to the man_**_ "_**_Bite down." The driver put the stick in his mouth and Leo grabbed his arm. "Get in there." He tugged and shoved his shoulder, and it cracked. The driver spit the stick out and smiled._

**"**_How'd the hell you know how to do that?" he asked breathlessly._

"That's what she said." Phoebe repeated while a laugh.

_Leo checked the driver's leg and took a piece of cloth and tied it around the driver's leg.)_

**"**_Doesn't look too bad. They should be able to sew that up."_

_Finally got lucky for once, almost running over a doctor. You are a doctor…right?"_

"_...I don't know..."_

"Doctor? Yeah, he wishes." Chris scoffed.

"_Well, you know what? I'm not saving another innocent until I find out what happened. You hear me? I'm not saving another innocent until you tell us what's going on here!" Phoebe shouted._

_Sandra orbed in. "Don't worry. Leo's fine."_

**"**_So then where is he?" Piper asked._

**"**_Piper, the Elders came to the consensus that Leo has lost his way, so we've sent him on the path towards following his destiny."_

**"**_Like the prodigal son out to find his way in the world?" Drake asked._

**"**_Uh, you know what? This Elder-speak is not working for me. I need some straight answers. What exactly did you do to him?"_

**"**_We erased his memories and put him back on Earth as a mortal, somewhere you'll never find him." Sandra said._

**"_W_**_hat? He doesn't remember anything? He doesn't remember Piper or his sons – nothing?" Phoebe demanded._

"Lucky." Piper said. She looked around the room at her family appraisingly. Her son was playing with a flame thrower, her husband was checking out his own ass, Paige was complaining and Chris was shouting random things about the future and then screaming, 'future consequences, we're all gonna die!'. And Phoebe? She was being...well...Phoebe.

_In the Texas Sheriff's department, the Sheriff took Leo's fingers and dipped them in the ink, then pressed them on the paper._

**"**_Well, that ought to do it. Once we get you into the system, we'll be on the road to finding out who you really are." he said and pushed the fingerprint car aside._

**"**_Thanks." Leo said._

**"**_Are you sure you don't remember anything? I mean, normally, a person with amnesia remembers something."_

"_I wish I did. Believe me."_

**"**_Yeah. Well, at least we know you're one of the good guys. Saved old Clyde's life." He chuckled. "You know, son, the paramedics told me that the way you fixed up his leg looked professional."_

**"**_Instinct, I guess." he muttered with furrowed brows._

**"**_Seems to me that…you could be a doctor or medic or somethin'. Anything ring a bell?" he asked._

**_Leo shook his head slightly with his lips pursed, "_**_No. Nothing." he said sadly._

**"**_Well, okay. It's okay. It'll come to you. Just gonna take some time. You see that? Old Glen's got you in the database already." the Sheriff said while walking over to the man sitting at the computer._

_The door slams and Leo jumped, his hands shot in the air. The screen switched to when Leo blasted a demon with electricity._

**"**_Son, you're bound to be a bit jumpy. I'm guessing you went through some kind of hell to get here." the Sheriff said._

**"**_Yeah. Yeah, maybe."_

_Sheriff picked up his hat._**_ "_**_Come on. Let me take you over to Nadine's, get you something to eat while we sift through the computer."_

"Is it just me, or is this the start of a porno?" Phoebe asked with arched eyebrows.

Chris choked on his own spit and started to laugh, "And how would you know?"

"I may have starred in a couple of pornos in my younger days..." she said quietly. "Those were the days...I think that's how I caught herpes..."

**"**_Darryl, you have to do something, anything." Piper said desperately over the phone._

**"**_Look Piper, I'm doing the best that I can, but the only fingerprints that I have on Leo are from World War II, and I can't use them because they don't match his photograph. He's…too young."_

**_'_**_Okay, Darryl, but you have to find him."_

**"**_I will. I promise. It just might take a little time." Darryl said._

**"**_Well, how long? Long enough that he has a whole new life, a new wife and new kids? That is not okay. That is not acceptable!"_

"No!" Piper shouted, "No! No! No! What are you talking about you dumb bitch! Dump them! Dump them like Phoebe's many, many, _many_ boyfriends! This is your chance! Be free!"

Chris nudged Paige, "Think she's high?"

Paige shook her head, "Nah. She's never been this crazy while on weed."

"The many boyfriends that gave her herpes. And possibly girlfriends! Most likely girlfriends!"

Phoebe stomped her foot and crossed her arms defiantly, "I am _not_ a lesbian. Sure, I did experiment in college."

"Which would have made you what? Twenty-eight?" Paige asked.

"I needed a real college experience! So what? I banged a couple girls, and a few questionable guys. Who cares."

"Woo!" Leo cheered. "Live yo life girl!" he motioned towards his rainbow head band and his tight leather pants that made his ass look like an oil painting, i.e old and cracked, "Don't be afraid to express yoself!"

"And she wonders why she has herpes." Chris muttered while looking away from his father. Well, what are dad's for besides embarrassing the living hell out of you?...

"_Oh no. Am I dead again?" Piper asked as she stood over her body that recently collapsed._

**"**_No. Well, not yet anyway." Cole commented from across the room._

"Cole!' Phoebe squealed and started to hump the TV.

"Move it, bitch!" Leo said angrily and shoved her out of the way, and continued to hump the TV.

"You guys are like a dog in heat." Piper said. "But _damn_. Cole sure does look good."

Paige nodded, "_Damn_."

"Damn." Chris repeated which caused all eyes to glue on him and movements cease. "W-What? I just w-wanted to fit in!"

"Shut up, Me-I mean Chris." Paige said. "You're never allowed to speak again. Now go to your room!"  
"Make me!" Chris challenged.

"Piper! Make you son listen to me."

"I can't." Piper said. "He has a point. Cole is just so, _damn._ Turning men gay since the 1800s...or whenever the fuck he was born."

**_'_**_Wait. Fatal? Okay, I don't see any other choice. We're gonna have to call the Elders to heal her." Phoebe said._

**"**_Over my dead body!" Piper shouted._

**"**_Are you kidding?" Paige asked, "Piper will kill us!"_

**"**_At least she'll be alive!" Phoebe argued._

**"**_But if it's slow working, that'll give us time. Maybe we can have some sort of options or something."_

**"**_You know what? I hate this. I feel so out of control, like there's nothing that we can do."_

**"**_There's something we can do. All right? We gotta find Leo." Drake said._

**"**_Except he can't help us anymore." Paige said._

**"**_Actually, he's the only one who can. You weren't paying attention to my little love rant. That's exactly what we're dealing with here." Drake explained._

**"**_Are you saying she's lovesick?" Phoebe asked._

**"**_That's ridiculous!" Piper shouted._

**"**_Yeah. And it could kill her. Happens all the time to the bereaved after they lose a loved one. Even if we heal Piper, she still needs Leo."_

Leo purred like a cat and nipped the air. Everyone cringed. He pawed Piper's shoulder and bit her ear lightly before she slapped him away, gagging on the revoltingness of it all. "You know you want me, Piper. You can't even bare an hour without me."

"That's a lie! Drake is just a romantic dumbass who can't tell lust from love." Piper scoffed.

"So, I was just born out of lust?" Chris asked sadly.

"Damn straight!" Piper shouted firmly.

"Why can't we just be a normal family like Aunt Phoebe's or Aunt Paige's?" Chris demanded. "Of course _we_ have to have the not-so-closet gay father and an evil son!"

"Normal?" Piper laughed, "Yeeeeaaah, they're normal alright. Phoebe most likely only married the twit because she was in lust and jumped the gun like she does with every other relationship and I really don't have anything to say about Paige because she's an irrelevant character that no one cares about."

"That's not true!" Paige said uselessly.

"You came in the fourth season, Paige. The _fourth_. You were a replacement. Whenever an actress replaces a character, whether it be taking the place as a new character or taking over the actor's job as that character all of the fans are pissed."

"Hey! Shut up! There are a lot of people out there that like Paige, including the author of this story and she can't even believe that she is stomping on all of her favorite characters for her no good nothing readers." Leo said. He suddenly shook his head, "Just joking. She loves all of her readers, even the ones who hate the story and bitch and complain in reviews. She uses their flames to pop her popcorn."

"What the _hell_ are you going on about?" Piper demanded.

"Yeah you're acting more crazy than I did when I met Brad Pitt." Phoebe said. She tilted her head, "No cut away gag?"

"This isn't Family Guy, dipshit." Paige scolded.

"I don't know," Leo said, ignoring his sister in laws. "I think I might be high right now. Either that or I'm on crack." he twitched and started to foam at the mouth. "I think it's crack."

"No." Chris shook his head. "I think you have rabies." nobody moved. "I see no one is going to do anything about that...Oh well."

**"**_What beauty. She doth teach the torches to burn bright." Cole recited as he leaned against the wall and watched Phoebe walk out of the room with Paige. She suddenly walked back in the room and looked towards Cole. He lifted his head slightly, almost excited to know if she saw him, but only to be disappointed when she saw only empty space._

**"**_What?" Paige asked._

**"**_Nothing." Phoebe dismissed and then left again._

**"**_Since when do you quote Shakespeare?" Piper asked while walking to the living room._

**"**_It's a recent affliction, actually." he said, "But the demon is right, you know. It is all about love."_

**"**_What are you exactly? Ghost, demon, poltergeist," she tilted her head, "nightmare?"_

"Damn. He could never be a nightmare." Piper said.

Phoebe drooled, "Why'd I leave him?"

"I dunno. Somethin' 'bout him bein' evil." Paige mumbled, dazed.

"Evilness just makes it all the more sexy." Leo said and everyone turned to stare at him. "Oh, so Piper can say it, but when I do everyone turns to stare at the gay!"

"Ha!" Wyatt gurgled. "You amitted it!"

"It's _Ad_mitted." Chris corrected.

"Amitted."

"A_d_mitted."

"A_m_itted."

"A-"

"Shut up! I only have two teeth!"

_At Nadine's dine Leo sat eating the last couple bites of a piece of pie at the counter. The waitress (Nadine) walked up and took his plate._

**"**_Well, looks like you worked up an appetite being the big hero this morning. You know what? Since it's on the house, why don't you try something a bit more substantial?" Nadine suggested and pulled out a menu._

**"**_No, this is amazing. I _think _it was the best pie I've ever had."_

"_Oh, you know what?" Nadine asked while putting the menu back, "I'd take that as a compliment except that you can't remember tying your own shoelaces. You know what? I bet you have someone somewhere who cooks for you just fine, when it all comes back to you. Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry. I tend to stick my foot in it."_

**"**_No, it's-it's okay. I just wish I could remember." he said sadly before wiping his mouth on a napkin._

**"**_It looks like you had a wedding ring on, huh?"_

**_Leo looked down at his ring finger which was discolored from the ring, "_**_Yeah, I-I guess."_

_He flash backed to him getting on his knees and slipping an engagement ring on Piper's finger._

"Such a romantic place to propose!" Phoebe squealed sarcastically.

"I know!" Leo agreed. "I was gonna do a portapotty but that was just wasn't good enough."

Suddenly, Piper burst into laughter. She clutched her stomach and tears sprung from her eyes. "Haha! Oh my stomach! Gahaha!"

"Dude." Paige said. "It wasn't even that funny. Calm down!"

"Yeah. Zero funniness in what those two bimbos said." Chris agreed.

A one eyed, one horned, flying purple people tickler demon stood in the corner wiggling his fingers in the air looking completely idiotic. He stood out of the corner. "Fear me! For I am the tickle demon!"

Piper looked up at him and fell on the ground in hysterical laughter. "D-damn you ti-tickle monster!"

"Demon!" he corrected angrily with a pouty stomp of his monopod. "Tickle demon!"

"You really just aren't even trying anymore, are you?" Chris asked Brad Kern who magically appeared in the living room.

"He's dangerous!" Brad protested.

"A booga, booga, booga!" the tickle mon...I mean demon cooed to Piper as he used his awesome amazing tickle powers to make Piper laugh senseless. Brad's shoulders slouched with a sigh as Piper blew the demon up with weak hands.

"Damn now I have to think of a new one..." his eyes brightened. "The clock gets possessed by... by a ghost that lives in uh...one of the old Victorian houses and the Charmed Ones have to fight it! Or...a lamp monster!" he picked up a nearby lamp and thrust it into the air and waved it around. "Ooooh! Ahhh! Lamp monster! Run for your lives!"

_Leo stood outside Nadine's and his eyes landed on a big truck that had a California sign on the door. Leo walked over to the truck and Odin jumped out of the truck._

**"**_Can I help you?" Odin asked._

**"**_I don't know. Maybe. Are-are you going to San Francisco?" Leo asked._

**"**_Want a ride?" Odin asked._

**"**_Sure." Leo said._

**"**_Well, hop in." Odin urged._

**"**_Thanks."_

"Wait, wait, wait." Brad interrupted. Why he was still here, nobody knew. "What the hell is happening? I don't remember this!"

"Don't you remember? You wrote it only, what? A couple years ago in your time line?" Piper asked.

"Yeah, my mind just sorta blanks out when I write." he said.

"Leo lost his memory 'cause he went batshit crazy." Phoebe answered simply. "He quit being an Elder and became an Avatar–"

"Like what Cole became?" Brad asked curiously.

"Yeah, sure. Then the Elders punished him by making him forget everything and he's in the South. Texas to be spercific." she said in a horrible southern accent.

"This is genius! Who writes this?" He asked excitedly.

"You do." Chris said, bored.

"You gotta be shittin' me!" Brad exclaimed. He sat up straighter and popped his collar. "Damn straight I wrote this. Look at me." he fixed his imaginary tie. "Me big fancy shmancy writer."

**"**_Stubbornness is definitely a family trait." Cole said while picking up a photo of Phoebe that sat on a table._

"Huge plot hole!" Piper shouted. "Our bodies just pass through things, how could _he_ pick up a photograph, but when _I _do, my hand passes through it?"

Brad glared at her, how dare she criticize his writing! "Damn you, Holly!"

"Holly?" Piper asked.

"I mean Piper! You can't just sleep with me and then try to control every aspect of my life!" he yelled spontaneously and idiotically.

"You can do that to me." Leo whispered in a breathy Jessica Rabbit voice while fluttering his eyelashes bodaciously. "Except the controlling my life part...that's Piper's job..."

"I swear...I didn't write you gay..." Brad mused quietly.

"You mean Constance." Paige corrected, happily crushing Brad's spirit.

"Don't _ever _speak her name!" Brad shouted angrily. He shifted uncomfortably, his fingers danced around his crotch, but not wanting to be called out on inching, so he sat twitching. "Fucking bitch gave me crabs." he glowered while still moving impatiently, waiting for the scratch to go away.

"Like, omg!" Phoebe squealed. "Like, me too!"

"Well," Chris spoke up, "I've been quiet for a while and it's annoying me. So, back to the plot hole, which I feel the inane need to cover with a tarp so someone can fall into it – Cole's been there a while, maybe he figured out how to that shit."

"Dude, you went from normal, to supernerd, to gangstah, all in one sentence," Brad remarked in awe. Then, he ran up to him. "YOU ARE AWESOME! Why did I kill you again?"

**_'_**_Well, he can't be far. The sheriff said that he just saw him here not too long ago." Phoebe said and walked to Nadine. "Hi. Uh, maybe you could help us. Look, uh, we're looking for somebody, this guy right here." Phoebe showed the photo of Leo and Piper at their wedding. "Have you seen him?"_

**"**_Ah, yeah. Didn't think a fellow like that would stay lost for long. Yeah, he left about an hour ago, hitched a ride on a big rig." Nadine answered._

**"**_A big rig?" Paige questioned._

**"**_Any idea where they were headed?" Phoebe asked._

**"**_West, I think. Had some kind of California sign on the side." she replied._

**"**_Okay, I'm gonna call Darryl, have him get in touch with the highway patrol." Paige said._

**"**_Okay, uh, look, we really need to find him and we're running out of time. We need a car."_

"Why do I have a feeling we're going to steal a car?" Paige groaned.

"'Cause we're going to steal a car." Phoebe said happily.

Brad whipped out a notepad and started to scribble words down in his chicken scratch handwriting. "Note to self: Characters aren't opposed to Grand Theft Auto 2." he turned and grinned at a camera that totally wasn't there and I totally wasn't holding. "For play station. Rated T and up."

"Who the hell are you ta-" Paige started to say.

"That girl over there." he pointed to think air, "Messy brown hair, holding a camera that looks straight out of the future."

"Dude must be schizophrenic or somethin'." Paige muttered.

**"**_It's a bumpy ride. I'm sorry about that. Newer rigs have better shocks. But, uh, hey, maybe it'll jog your memory." Odin said._

**"**_It does feel like it's starting to come back some. I know somebody needs me." Leo said._

**"**_I'm__not surprised. I heard how you saved that man's life back there."_

**"**_Anybody else would have done the same thing." Leo said and the other man laughed._

"This is so the beginning of Brokeback Mountain." Chris said.

"Brokeback whaaaaa?" Phoebe asked.

"Story about two gay cowboys." Chris explained briefly.

"Oh my gosh! This is sooo totally the story of Brokeba-ma-wha-da-a-hooey." Phoebe squealed.

Paige nodded. "Yeah, I have to agree, I can see Leo getting' down 'n' dirty in the back of a truck with Odin."

"Damn was it dirty." Leo said fondly. He ignored their stares.

**"**_It's a bumpy ride. I'm sorry about that. Newer rigs have better shocks. But, uh, hey, maybe it'll jog your memory." Odin said._

**"**_It does feel like it's starting to come back some. I know somebody needs me." Leo said._

**"**_I'm__not surprised. I heard how you saved that man's life back there."_

**"**_Anybody else would have done the same thing." Leo said and the other man laughed._

Brad opened his mouth to say something before Piper screamed in annoyance. "Oh my God! Will you just keep your opinions to yourself! You're so annoying!"

His eyebrows dipped as he ducked his head and pursed his lips in a pout. "Meany head."

**"**_I'm not quite sure what's so hard to grasp. Love transcends every plane of existence. All you need to do is believe in it with every fiber of your being and just send it out to Leo." Cole said._

**"**_What does that mean? I don't understand." Piper said._

**"**_I could never get through to you. I could always sense when there was something wrong with Phoebe."_

**"**_Well, clearly Leo is not sensing that something is horribly wrong with me."_

**"**_That's because he doesn't know who you are, which means it's gonna take a bigger jolt from you to jog his memory."_

**"**_You know, it's odd how invested you are in all of this, considering I'm the one who helped vanquish you." Piper commented._

**"**_Well, you know, bygones and all, but you're changing the subject."_

**"**_Yes, I am." she stood up. "And this is not gonna go any further until you tell me what you're getting out of this."_

** "**_Me?" Piper nodded, "I don't know what you're talking about."_

**"**_Come on, Cole. I know you just as well as you think you know me. So if you want me to trust you, then you need to come clean first." Piper said._

"_I don't want Phoebe to give up on love."_

**"**_What?" Piper asked._

Brad boldly looked up, ignoring the glares that pierced his face. "Well, you see–" he was cut off suddenly as every fiber of his being blew to particles and settled on the floor, parts of his legs and arms slowly fluttered to the floor in dust.

"Piper!" Paige scolded. "You can't just blow people up! We've been over this!"

Phoebe growled as she got up to grab the broom and dust pan. She suddenly brightened up, "Can I make up the story this time?"

Leo stomped his foot angrily. "No! It's my turn you pig whore!"

Chris rolled his eyes at the stupidity of his elders. Were they even his elders? He met five year olds more literate than them. "There's no story to make up because he is from a different universe. Nobody even knows of him...here that is."

"Piper. Look what you did." Paige ordered, tempted to rub her nose in the dust as if she were a dog, but it didn't help last time so the thought soon vanished. "Look!"

"Don't yell at me! I'm pregnant!" she protested and started to cry.

"Like a week pregnant!"

She wiped her eyes and glared, before crying again, "So I'm hormonal! Don't call me fat, you bitch!"

Wyatt looked up, panicked. _**"I didn't say that aloud, did I?"**_

Chris shook his head, "You're in the clear, she's just crazy."

"I don't care if your my son! I will eat you!" Piper sobbed emotionally while trying to bare her teeth only to look like a raccoon with her face streaked with eyeliner and her crazy brown hair sticking everywhere...i.e. Avril Lavigne.

**"**_Well, this is where I head north. What's it gonna be?" Odin asked._

**"**_You know, I've been thinking a lot about that work you're doing." Leo said._

**"**_I can assure you, there is nothing more rewarding."_

_Leo nodded,_**_ "_**_It would be nice to have a sense of purpose."_

_Male Elder noticed a car stop behind him._**_ "_**_You need to make a choice. Every man does."_

**"**_I know."_

_The TV cut to Phoebe and Paige unbuckling their seat belts._**_ "_**_This has to be it. I hope we're not too late." Phoebe said as they got out of the car._

**_The TV cut back to Leo and Odin. "_**_Your destiny lies ahead of you." He saw Phoebe coming towards them. "Which way is it gonna be?"_

**"**_Let's go." Leo decided._

_Odin patted Leo's leg,_**_ "_**_You've made the right decision."_

_Phoebe and Paige opened the door._**_ "_**_Oh, Leo. Thank God!"_

**"**_Sorry. Do I know you?" Leo asked._

"_What are you doing here, and what did you do to Leo?" Phoebe demanded of Odin._

**"**_We let destiny run its course, and so should you." Odin said before he grabbed Leo and orbed away._

Suddenly a knock sounded through out the house. Phoebe got up, bouncing happily and skipped to the door, twirling and bouncing while she went. She slammed open the door the stain glass rattling. "Darryl!"

He grinned, "Hey, Phoebe."

"Ya know, Darryl, If I totally wasn't an easy slut who had crabs slash herpes and you weren't married, I think we could totally hook up." she grinned and took his hand leading him to the living room.

"Hey, uh, guys." he said nervously. "I just got a case. This man, he was a hobo, he won the lottery from a ticket he found on the ground and he suddenly died." he held up a picture of Brad, "You have anything to do with this?"

"How is that possible?" Piper demanded and casually swept her feet across the floor to pick up any stray specks of dust.

"When a doppelganger dies in this universe, the doppelganger in another universe dies also." Leo shrugged. "That simple."

"So," Darryl pushed, "Know anything about this?"

"No! O-Of course not. It's not like I totally just blew him up for speaking his opinion after I ordered him not to. That's crazy, Darryl, where do you come up with this stuff?" Piper laughed hysterically, her eye doing that weird twitchy thing Prue's usually does.

Darryl nodded, "'Kay, sounds legit. Hey, Piper?"

"Yeah?" she asked, her eye still twitching.

"Are you pregnant?" Darryl asked. "You smell pregnant."

"GET OUT!" she screamed causing everyone's ears to gush blood. She opened her mouth and fire flew out, charring Phoebe's pretty little face.

Phoebe scowled and comically wiped it off, only to not have dust pile on the floor, but to shriek in pain 'cause this wasn't a cartoon and her face really is melted off.

Leo walked up to her and hovered his hand over her face, only to slap it. She screamed and pounced on him.

"Heal my face right now!"

"It's not like it'll do anything, you'll still be a skinny, std infested, whore!" he shouted manically.

"At least I'm not a fat, lonely, creepy, gay, most likely carrying aids...I forgot my train of thought..." she said, "Oh yeah. Heal my fugly face!"

He slapped her away and bounced to the other end of the room, "Never!"

Darryl awkwardly and quietly walked away, swearing he smelled a pregnant chick.

_Piper gasped._

**"**_What? What was that?" Phoebe asked._

**"**_Leo." Piper rasped._

**"**_Wait. I know what to do. Orb me to the bridge." Phoebe ordered._

**"**_No, she just woke up. We can't just leave her." Paige protested/_

**"**_I'll stay with her. You go work on her spirit." Drake said._

**"**_Bridge, now!" Phoebe urged. They orbed out and Drake ran upstairs._

**"**_You can do it, Piper." Cole assured._

Phoebe levitated and swam through the air, kicking her legs wildly. "I honestly can't tell the difference between levitating and flying!" she said as she slowly pushed through the air to get to Leo. "Fix my face!"

He orbed away and laughed. "You wish! I'll never do anything for you again, Alyssa!" he blushed, "Not after last time."

She rolled her eyes, well, as much she could with a face ruined by dragon breath, "You said you liked leather, you liar! Oh, so when suddenly I get out the assless chaps, you go running for the hills!"

"It wasn't the leather, it was the chain saw you crazy bitch!"

Paige nudged Chris, "What's up with them?"

Chris sighed, "It's hard to tell now-a-days."

**"**_Leo." Piper rasped._

_The screen switches back to Leo, his eyes full of worry for a voice he didn't know._

_Piper gasped for breath before cutting back to Leo. The TV once again switches over to Piper as her hand fell limp and dangled off the couch._

"_Piper." Leo whispered._

**"**_Leo?" Phoebe asked. Leo took a step to the edge of the bridge. "Leo, what are you doing?"_

**"**_Leo?" Paige asked._

_Leo spread his arms out and fell off the edge, his elder robes vanished and Paige and Phoebe orbed down to him._

**"**_Oh my god. Leo." Phoebe cried._

**"**_Phoebe." the side of Leo's face was bruised._

**"**_What the hell just happened?" Paige demanded._

**"**_He has fallen from Grace." Odin answered, sounding rather annoyed._

"Wow, I swear guys PMS worst than girls do." Paige commented.

"We do not!" Chris cried and wiped his eyes. "Bitch."

Leo nodded. "And I do _not_ look fat in this dress!"

Phoebe tilted her head to the side at the sudden appearance of the black dress that stretched across his not-so-broad chest.

"Hey!" Piper sobbed, the week year old seed in her womb already causing her grief, "That's my dress! I bought that–"

Phoebe's head tilted farther, "Hey, isn't that Prue's?"

"No!" Piper shook her head fiercely. "Why would that be Prue's dress? Prue's dead! It's not like I dug up her grave and stole the dress off her dead body. That's disgusting!" she laughed hysterically.

Leo made a face and orbed out of the clothes. His nude form blurred out in the crotch area with a "censored" sign and his flat chest blurred out with a "girls gone wild" sign on it.

**"**_You're too late.'" Drake said as the girls and Leo orbed in. He stood up to show Wyatt healing Piper. "Wyatt already healed her."_

**"**_Wyatt?" Paige asked._

**"**_Thank God." Phoebe said in relief. _

_Piper sat up and smiled._**_ "_**_Good job, baby."_

_Phoebe sat down and Leo knelt in front of Piper._

**"**_Ah, okay. How did you know he could do that?" Paige asked._

**"**_I didn't. He did. He even put it in the book." Piper smiled. "Looks like you got a second-generation Whitelighter on your hands."_

**"**_Did you heal your mommy? You're such a big boy. I'm so proud of you." Phoebe cooed. _

The Charmed Ones having supersonic vision, could see past the blurry pixels and Paige laughed.

"Not very impressive, huh?" Paige nudged her eldest sister with her elbow.

Piper shook her head, "Not impressive at all. I thought it was a joke, honest to God, when I first saw it. I even asked if I was on camera."

Phoebe looked toward's Chris and then back at a blushing Leo. "Think it's hereditary?"

"Probably." Piper said. "It's hard to tell with Wyatt, seeing as he already has a baby penis. I think he's in the clear, though."

Wyatt smirked a baby smirk and sat up straighter, prouder. "Damn straight!"

"My penis is perfectly proportional to the rest of my body!" Chris shouted too defensively.

They looked at his tall, skinny, girly form. "Yeah." they all chorused.

"Hey!"

* * *

**The end! Hehee, joking. Well, the end to this chapter, obviously. So, my lovlies (isn't it fun to pretend to be British? Do you think British people pretend to be American for fun. All like, "You effing doucher!" instead of like, I don't know, "You bloody wanker!") what have you been up to? Leave me a comment telling me how you're doing. I missed you guys! Waking up in the morning and seeing emails with subscriptions, favorites, and comments makes my day, honestly, 'cause I have no life and to keep me alive I need praise from a bunch of strangers across the internet. **

**Love you, pets. Keep raising hell and I hope you liked the chapter and got some smiles and chuckles out of you. ^_^**

**Love, **

**Your faithful (ha, yeah right) author. (;**

**P.S. Answer a question for me? If I started a blog would you guys like to keep up with me or something? 'Cause I already made it just for fun, but when you guys are patiently waiting for the next chapter, would you like to ya know talk to me about it, or something?**

**P.P.S I am SOOOO sorry for the late update! This chapter isn't even beta'd. Just between us my beta has been super busy and I don't really wanna bother her. But, I've had this sitting in my computer _forever_ now, and I felt really bad so I thought a few minor mistakes can't be that bad, at least you know I haven't given up on you! Again, I'm so sorry. Forgive me? Please? Your guys' love is what gives me my life source! I haven't given up on you, if you give up on me, I will die. No joke...Okay a little bit of a joke, but lets not get into specifics here. **


	29. Chapter 29

**This is the last episode on the list, you know the drill. Start effing reviewing and tell me what frick you want them to watch. Uh-thankyou. **

**I love you evil pets, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Imaginary Fiends... This story is coming to a close soon. **

**Disclaimer: Stupid freaking ignorant people. Do I look like I own Charmed? If I did I would be sitting on a pile of money! Which I would eventually attract some sort of disease from all the icky germs on there.**

**P.S. I know a lot of you are being dissuaded by rating of the story. That doesn't mean crap! There is no sex scenes! Just coarse language and yeah...naughty jokes. So. Review and stop being a bunch of pansies, you pansies!**

* * *

Chris, still pouting about the penis joke, popped in the last episode on the list. "Stupid family making jokes about my very proportional penis." he grumbled.

Paige rolled her eyes, "You can't blame us dude. I swear when I first met you, I thought you were a chick with a super flat chest."

Phoebe fluffed up her practically nonexistent hair, "Sure did boost my ego." she pet her boobs lovingly, "Oh Mommy's so proud of you! You're going to feed some–"

"Poor little bastard child of Phoebe's." Piper interrupted.

"Well at least I don't have an evil bastard as a son!" Phoebe screeched and motioned towards Wyatt who was having a meeting with Stewie Griffin and that chick from the Ring. You know? The one with the ratty clothes, nasty split ends, does low rated porn? You know. Shannen Doherty. Oh wait...she wasn't on the Ring...

"Psh." Leo said while snapping his fingers and rolling his neck. Basically he was acting like a stereotypical sassy black woman. Or Shane Dawson's Shanaynay, "Girl please! Your split ends are _so_ bad. You know what you need? A make over."

Piper shook her head. "This family needs help. God, Leo! Will you stop humping the bitch from the Ring?"

"My penis is _not_ small!" Chris shouted.

"_That was Wyatt's preschool. I wonder what they wanted." Piper mused._

"_Well, I am more interested in these demons and what they wanted and try to figure out how to vanquish them." Paige said. _

"_It just doesn't sound right. Why would demons attack when the phone rings?" Piper asked._

"'Cause! We'we distwacted, duh." Phoebe said stupidly.

"Dumb ass has a point." Paige said, surprised. "Oh God! It must be the Apocalypse!"

Phoebe pushed her boobs up and Leo stared, drooling.

"Definitely the Apocalypse." Chris confirmed, also staring at Phoebe's boobs.

"Chris!" Piper shouted! "That is nasty! She is your aunt!"

He glared. "I haven't gotten any in months–"

Paige snorted. "More like years."

"I resent that!"

_Phoebe entered the attic. "Oh, no. Let me guess, another demon attack?"_

"_Or Wyatt's acting up again." Paige supplied._

"_Or Paige is overreacting again." Piper said._

"_Wyatt has been isolating himself at preschool and only talking to himself." Paige said._

"_Who said he's only talking to himself?" Piper asked._

"_I heard the message." Paige sang._

"_That's odd."_

"_No, it's not odd. Just because he's talking to himself does not mean he's creating demons." Piper disagreed. _

"_Except he's kind of quiet around home." Phoebe said._

"_So?"_

"_So Wyatt's in his second stage of development. I mean, his sense of language should be maturing. Which means he should be talking to other people, not just himself."_

"He's six!" Piper shouted, defending him.

"Four." Paige corrected.

"Two, but who cares?" Chris asked.

Phoebe laughed, "He's one!"

"Apocalypse!" Paige shouted while twitching and fidgeting.

"_Ms. Henderson, hey. I came as soon as I could." Leo greeted the teacher._

"_Leo, what are you doing here?" she asked._

"_Well, you called about Wyatt, right?"_

"Fucking Wyatt." Chris grumbled.

The something-year-old smirked.

"_Yeah. But I said it was nothing to worry about. I thought I made that clear." _

"_Well, I was in the area." Leo said dismissively. "Is he all right?"_

"Chris!" Piper scolded. "Don't drop the f-bomb so willy nilly!"

Phoebe nodded in agreement, "Save it for when it counts. Little lesson from your Aunt Phoebe."

"I can't believe this! You're more concerned about my language than Wyatt playing with a flame thrower. Seriously?" he said helplessly while gesturing wildly towards Wyatt who was licking the flames in a very Jennifer's Body sorta way.

"Awe!" Piper cooed. "He's so cute!"

"Look. He's practicing vanquishing demons." Leo said in an adoring voice as Wyatt threw a flaming dagger towards pictures of the Charmed Ones with devil horns and evil curly mustaches.

_In the classroom Wyatt sat with a teddy bear by himself._

"_Oh, there he is." Ms. Henderson said. _

"_Oh, um, how long has he been doing that…talking to himself?" Leo asked while looking at Wyatt who was obviously drooling on his teddybear._

They looked over to Wyatt who was drooling and mumbling gibberish.

"Oh no! He's talking to himself!" Leo shouted. "We better summon future Wyatt so he can help us because that seems like the smart thing to do!"

Piper nodded vigorously. "That sounds perfect!" she paused. "Um...Future son...insert something that rhymes."

"That weighs a ton!" Phoebe shouted helpfully.

"C-Come to us n-now..."

"No! Shut up!" Paige shouted. "This makes _no_ sense! He's two! He's supposed to have imaginary friends!"

"But what if it's a demon?" Chris asked. "That's trying to convert Wyatt to the dark side?"

"Yeah." Paige scoffed. "Because that's perfectly logical." she rolled her eyes. "Wyatt is _two_. He can barely understand simple words like ass, let alone demons talking to him, whispering to, 'Convert to the demon side'." she rolled her eyes again. "Dumb ass."

Wyatt tilted his head. _**"Whaaa...?"**_

"_He's-he's a special kid." Leo explained. _

"_Oh, they're all special, Leo." she said._

"_Right, but he has special needs."_

Chris burst out laughing. "Special needs alright!" he chuckled. "Just like his Father."

"I...I don't get it." Leo said.

"Point proven!"

"_I really like our conversations, Wyatt. But you know I'm a secret, right? Nobody else can see me." Vicus whispered to Wyatt. Vicus being a demon who wanted Wyatt evil._

"Without a cow!" Phoebe screamed. "Okay, so–"

"Phoebe, shut up!" Paige ordered. "Don't you _dare–"_

"Future son that weighs a ton, come to us now without a cow." Phoebe chanted.

Suddenly, a fat, pimply, tall guy was brought into the living room by white orbs. He was munching on greasy pizza and a doughnut was half falling out of his fat rolls. He had blonde hair and was panting heavily from just standing. Oh and there was _no_ cow with him.

"Who the hell are you?" Piper questioned with raised eyebrows.

He let out a deep, wheezy breath. He held up a finger and pulled out an inhaler from his armpit. He took two puffs of an odd looking futuristic inhaler and sighed in relief. He plopped on the floor and the whole house shook. He lapped up the grease on his pizza and then took a bite. He hummed in pleasure and pulled the glazed doughnut out of his man boob. He munched on it, alternating between the pizza and the frosted goodness.

"Hello?" Paige snapped rudely. "She asked you a question!"

The man looked up in alarm. "Oh. Hey. I'm Wyatt."

Chris laughed and took the camera that was on the table from previous nights before. He snapped a picture and snickered.

"You aren't the least bit curious why you're in the past?" Leo asked.

"Naw." Wyatt shook his head, which took a lot out of him. "No one cares anymore."

"Good point."

"_Now we won't be able to talk much longer..." Vicus pouted. _

"_Thanks." Leo said to Ms. Henderson._

"_But don't worry, I'll be back. I promise."_

_Leo crouched in front of Wyatt. "Okay, buddy, come on. Are you ready? Let's go home, okay?"_

_Vicus stood up and Leo picked Wyatt up and walked away._

"_See you soon, Wyatt. I want to hear more about that special teddy bear."_

"Teddy beaw?" Wyatt asked stupidly while picking up the tattered toy. He giggled and chucked it at Leo's head.

"Awe!" Leo cooed while rubbing his head pathetically. "You're so cute!"

Wyatt cackled and conjured a flaming sword. He threw it expertly at Leo's heart. Leo dodged it and awed again.

"Adorable."

Older Wyatt conjured an unknown brand of soda. He smiled when taking a slug of the carbonation. He belched and looked at little Wyatt. "Freaky bastard."

"_Ohh, big guy. You okay, buddy?" Leo asked._

_Wyatt was silent and Leo went over to Chris in his crib._

"_Hey, Wyatt. I promised I'd be back, didn't I?" Vicus said after appearing. _

_Wyatt smiled and said in a burble, "Yeah."_

"_Wyatt?" Leo asked. He walked over to him and Vicus put a finger to his lips in a shushing motion. _

"_Shh! Remember... I'm a secret, right?" Wyatt smiled and laughed. "Hey, I really like your teddy bear. Maybe you'll let me hold him someday, huh? I've got a great surprise for both of you."_

_Wyatt smiled and laughed again._

"Vicus!" Chris shouted. "His name is Vicus! And he's the one who made Wyatt bi-curious."

Fat Wyatt's eyes widened. "Ouch!" he shifted on the ground. He pulled out something from his back pocket. He pushed a button on the flat rubber disk and it inflated into a very big cushion. "That's better." he said as he put it under his ass.

Paige tilted her head. "What's that?"

"iSeat." he answered. "Invented in 2019. I give you permission to invent it."

Paige shook her head, her red curls flying. "No thanks. I don't think I want that shameful invention tied to my legendary name."

"I'll make it!" Leo shouted. "I'll make millions! How is this rubber and comfortable, but it has a button that inflates it?"

"Well, you see–"

"–Don't care."

"_Help this mother and understand  
The thoughts inside her little man  
Though his mouth be quiet.  
Let us hear his inner Wyatt." Piper chanted._

_A young man appeared in white orbs. "Mom? It's me... Wyatt."_

_Piper's jaw dropped. Future Wyatt smiled._

"Damn." Phoebe said, giving a low whistle. "I would totally go to jail to rape that."

"Phoebe!" Chris shouted. "You dumb ass! He's probably like sixteen. It would be molestation."

"No, Chris!" Piper scolded. "You don't berate her about not using the right words. You scold her for wanting to freaking rape her freaking nephew!"

"Technically." Fat Wyatt put it. "That's not her nephew. Since you are all watching a TV show, that is not her nephew. His name is..." he paused to conjure a laptop. "Uh one second, I just need to uh, break this in." he opened the package and started to read the instruction pamphlet.

The Charmed Ones, Leo, and Chris all sat impatiently. Well, the Charmed Ones and Leo did. Chris continued to watch the show, while screaming that that was what he was trying to do with the 'fucking flame thrower over there!'

"Chris!" Leo screamed. "Nobody cares!"

Fat Wyatt gasped and slapped Leo across the cheek. "No!" Leo grasped his cheek, trying to rub away the sting, "You aren't allowed to say that Leo. Only I can!"

_Leo is carried Chris in the hallway and Future Wyatt turned around the corner._

"_Dad! Hey, look at you! You have haven't changed a bit! Maybe a little less gray and few pounds lighter."_

"_What?" Leo asked, confused._

"_Future son." Phoebe explained._

"_Hey, is this Chris? Oh, my gosh! He's so small. Hey, little brother. Is this before of after he swallowed the marble?"_

"_Marble? What marble?" Piper demanded._

"_Easy on the future information." Phoebe warned._

"_Of course, you're right." Wyatt agreed._

"_No, but really, what marble?" Piper demanded._

"_You want to explain what's going on?" Leo asked._

"_Apparently they brought me here to figure out what's wrong with me." He pointed towards a room. 'Is that still my room?" He didn't wait for an answer and walked into the room._

"_Explain." Leo ordered._

_The screen switched to Wyatt's room where Vicus was talking to Wyatt._

"_If you let me see Mr. Bear, I will give him right back, I promise." Vicus said._

_Future Wyatt walked in. "Hey, don't I know you?" he asked. Vicus stood up. "You look familiar."_

"_Wait. You can see me?" he asked._

"_What do you mean? Of course I can."_

"_Wyatt?" Piper called. Vicus disappeared. "Who are you talking to?" Piper, Phoebe, and Leo entered the room. "What's going on?"_

"_That man, you didn't see him?"_

"_See who?" Phoebe asked._

"_He was just there talking to…me." _

"_Me? What, do you mean you or him?" Leo asked._

"_Both."_

"He better not turn Wyatt evil." Chris complained angrily. "I did not travel all the way back to the past–"

"To be a pain in our ass." Paige interrupted casually.

"–To just find saving Wyatt from being evil a feeble attempt!"

"_So…just out of curiosity, uh, do you have any cousins in the future?" Phoebe asked casually. _

"_No. Don't answer that." Piper told Wyatt and then turned to Phoebe, "Nice try."_

"_Wait a sec. I think you're right. He is a demon." Wyatt spoke up._

"_Vicus is a demon who prays on children turning them down the path of evil." Piper read from the book._

_Hugo and two demons shimmered in. He had a whip and cracked it at the book. Piper dove to the side and the stand exploded. A female demon threw a glass orb at Phoebe and Future Wyatt. The ducked._

"Wyatt?" Phoebe asked, her bottom lip puckering.

Fat Wyatt looked up, "Yeah?"

She fingered the collar of her shirt and pulled it down to show more skin. "Do I have any children in the future?"

He seemed unfazed. "Nope." he popped the 'p' and then relaxed, he used so much energy while saying that word! "You're infertile. You can't have children from all of those chemicals in the potions and crap like that."

Phoebe started to pout. "Well, if you didn't want to tell me then why didn't you just say so! There was no reason to lie!"

"You make my penis cry." Leo stated with an uncomfortable gulp. Piper froze him and repeatedly hit him over and over again with a lamp. Leo unfroze and fell to the ground whimpering.

"God, you need to get laid." Chris said while wincing at the prospect of not getting any.

"When was the last time you got down 'n' dirty?" Paige asked, quirking her eyebrow.

Chris shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Shut up." he hissed.

"Dumbass." Wyatt muttered. "I wasn't lying."

"_Good." Vicus said. He waved his hand over the teddy bear and it glowed red. _

"_Don't touch it." Leo told baby Wyatt._

_Baby Wyatt took the teddy bear and older Wyatt orbed in._

"_Dad, what happened?" he asked. His appearance slowly morphed into evil Wyatt._

"Damn it!" Chris shouted. "Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn, damn!"

Fat Wyatt snickered. "Evil me looks like a douche bag. Nobody, except Jack Sparrow, can dress like that and _not_ be deemed gay."

Chris picked up little Wyatt and shook his by his infant shoulders. "Don't you dare turn evil!"

Wyatt tilted his head and then stuck his tongue out at Chris and then giggled loudly, leaving a gallon of spit on his younger – technically older – brother.

Chris shook his head like a St. Bernard and landed spit all over his family.

"_You would kill your own family?" Vicus asked incredulously. _

"_Watch me." Wyatt replied coldly._

Chris snorted. "Yeah. Okay."

Little Wyatt glared at him.

"Well, he's said it so many times!"

Wyatt's nose scrunched up and his eyes flared. He looked at Stewie and the bitch from the Ring, seeming to talk to them silently.

"Yes, he did! And he didn't even follow through. When they did die, he hired demons to do it! And then broke down in pansy sobs."

Wyatt turned defiant and his blue eyes flared and his face heated.

"Oh shut up! You're two, what do you know?"

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Paige demanded after minutes of awkward silence from her sisters, Leo, and fat Wyatt.

Chris looked around awkwardly. "Nothing..."

"_How much longer are we going to wait?" Vicus asked impatiently._

"_Patience. Scrying takes time. And there's the vanquishing potion that'll keep my aunts busy for at least an hour."_

"_Vanquishing potion? You never said anything about that."_

"_What? Do you expect they're just gonna show up empty handed? Come on. It's not gonna be that easy."_

"_I don't like this." Vicus said nervously._

"_Stop worrying. The rest of the collective is just a shimmer away. And besides, my aunts won't be able to see you when you're cloaked." He smiled. "Wait. They're coming." Paige and Phoebe orbed in. "Have any trouble finding the place?"_

"_Where's Vicus?" Phoebe asked._

"_Around." Wyatt said vaguely. "But you should be worried about me."_

"_Look, we just wanna help you." Paige said._

"_What makes you think I want your help?" Wyatt asked._

Stewie flew in the air and landed on Chris' shoulder and pointed a ray gun to his head.

"Oh my God you are so annoying!" Phoebe complained as little Wyatt started ranting about Chris should say his last words. "I swear to God I will come over there right now and fuck your skull!"

Little Wyatt glared at her for interrupting his rant and he pointed a menacing chubby little finger towards Phoebe. The straggly haired chick with the green face snickered. She picked up the phone and called Phoebe's cell phone.

Phoebe, blonde as ever, answered the phone with a peppy voice. "Hello!"

"Six days..." she whispered hoarsely.

Phoebe stared at the phone incredulously. "I'll fuck your skull in six days!"

_Future Wyatt appeared in the library. "Mom. Dad."_

"_How'd he get in here?" Piper asked._

"_I'm still a Halliwell, aren't I? I always hated this place."_

"_What do you want?" Leo demanded._

"_What do you think I want? Young me, to make sure you don't screw me up again trying to turn me good."_

"_Well, I hate to break it to you. But you don't really have a choice in that matter." Piper said._

"_What are you gonna do, mom? Kill me in order to protect me?" _

"_It's a thought."_

"_You always said spanking was barbaric." Piper threw out her hand and sent him flying across the room. "Ouch. That hurt. He stood up. "Seriously never had you pegged as the type of parent who'd hit your kids."_

Fat Wyatt conjured a soda and a crazy straw thoughtfully. "He's not really evil...They Wyatt on the show, that is."

Piper raised her eyebrows. "Are you tripping on acid?"

Shannen Doherty...I mean, ahem, the girl from the Ring even stopped licking Phoebe's face to wonder what the hell the guy was on.

"If he was evil, he would stop playing with them, and freaking kill them already! And then raise his mini self." Fat Wyatt explained. "It's not that hard. A shot to the head and they'll be dead. Stupid demons always over think things."

Phoebe gasped and pulled away from the girl's scarred, blue/green tongue. She walked up to fat Wyatt and slapped him.

"What was that for?" he demanded while taking a bite out of some cake he found wedged in his pants.

She shrugged and sat back down, giggling when the badly styled zombie licked her face.

"_You see that book over there?" Wyatt asked his younger self. "I want you to bring it to me. Understand?" Leo stepped over. "Come on, dad. You don't even have any powers."_

"_That's right. I don't." He agreed._

"_So what are you gonna do? Take away my car keys?" _

"_I don't need to do anything. You're gonna stop yourself."_

"_That's what I always loved about you, dad. Such a boundless optimist." Wyatt said._

"_I know you. I'm your father. And I know you still have good in your heart."_

"_Now your optimism just sounds pathetic." Wyatt stated._

_Leo chuckled, "You know how I know that? Because this child right here still has good in his soul. Isn't that right, Wyatt?"_

"_Get the book, Wyatt. Now." Evil Wyatt ordered._

_Leo knelt down. "Okay, you don't have to Wyatt. You can come over here to me if you want."_

"_Dad, seriously, I don't want to have to hurt you, but if you get in my way…" Wyatt said emotionally. _

"_I don't believe that. You mind if I come over there for a second, Wyatt?" He moved closer._

"_Stay away from him."_

"_Is this your Wuvey? Could I see him, please?" Leo asked._

"_Get away from him now, or I'll kill you!"_

_Leo stood up. "I don't think you will."_

"_I told you to stop." _

"_Look, I was there when you were born, Wyatt. I gave up my powers for you. I tried to change the world for you…and I would do it again in a heartbeat. You know why? Because I'm your father."_

"_Stop it." Wyatt said._

"_You want to kill me? Go ahead. I gave up my life for you before."_

"_Dad, please…"_

"_Look, I love you. Do you understand what that means?" Future Wyatt closed his eyes and Leo bent down. "Wyatt, can I see Wuvey just for one second? I promise I'll give him back to you. You can trust me." Future Wyatt opened his eyes and little Wyatt gave Leo his teddy bear. It glowed gold. "Thank you."_

_He gave Wyatt the teddy bear and future Wyatt morphed back into his good appearance._

"More cheesy than Lady GaGa's shorts." Wyatt said.

"Who?" Piper asked.

"No one."

Stewie tackled Chris to the ground, pulling his pants down with him. "What...What the deuce?"

...It was as big as a pipe cleaner.

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**Hope you guys liked it! Tell me what's next on your list. :)...If anyone's still reading...Doubt it. I've been have writers block for this story and it's turned to mush..So I doubt anyone's reading. Oh well, who cares. REVIEW YOU PANSIES!**

**P.S. This was unbeta'd because I felt so guilty about the long delay that I didn't feel like waiting for my beta to give it back. Who cares, anyway? No one's reading.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks to Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell for bein' my beta.**

**And I still don't own Charmed.**

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Chris furiously pulled up his pants. "Shut up." he whined. "It's not funny!" he pouted when they continued to laugh and switched DVDs. He picked _Malice in Wonderland_ and waited for them to stop laughing...They didn't.

"Heehe...pipe cleaner." Phoebe snickered.

"Hey, hey, Chris." Paige called. "When you and Bianca are getting it on, is she like, 'I-Is it in yet?'"

The girl from the Ring even pointed and laughed. Chris growled and gave her a proper burial to make her leave...Nah, he just chopped the chick's head off.

Stewie seemed confused. "What?" he demanded. "What's so funny?"

"He uh...has a baby penis." Fat Wyatt explained.

"I don't get it!" Stewie shouted. "What's so special about not having a baby penis? Hmm? Exactly. No answer."

Chris grinned, but Paige hurried to squash his feelings.

"Worry, Chris. Nobody listens to British people. They smoke fags for crying out loud."

Stewie laughed. "Get it?" he turned towards the camera. He laughed loudly, a hiccuping laugh that was embarrassing and didn't allow anyone to laugh.

_Piper stood in front of her mirror brushing her teeth. "What if a demon attacks while I'm out?"_

"_They're not going to attack. They all think your dead." Leo soothed._

"_No, I don't mean here, I mean anywhere. In general."_

_Leo walked into the bathroom. "What do you mean? Like anywhere in the city?"_

_Piper bent down to spit the tooth paste out in the sink and nodded running a hand through her hair. "Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Just ignore it."_

_Leo looked in the mirror, "I should have gone taller." A blonde in a pink ruffled shirt stood next to a man with curly brown hair. "...I've always wanted to be taller." Leo stood on his tip toes and braced his chest._

"_Are you listening to me?"_

"_Yes. Just ignore it."_

Leo screeched. "Gahhh! Who is that in the mirror!"

Chris furrowed his eyebrows. "I–"

"Shut up, baby penis." Paige interrupted.

"I think...I think you guys have new identities!" Phoebe squealed. "That's so cool!"

"Gah!" Leo repeated. "The least I could have done was gone taller."

Leo in the TV rolled his eyes at Leo...not in the TV...

_A shadowed figure walked down the Magic School halls. He waved his hand and the scorched doors flew open. He met a group of demons in the Library._

"_It's Abandoned." a woman confirmed. "No one's here. Although...they can still be invisible. It is Magic School after all."_

"_I know. The magic here is all ours now."_

"Dayum!" Leo shouted. "I'd like his pipe cleaner."

Paige leaned back in her seat appreciatively. "Whatever he has, it's damn for sure _not _a pipe cleaner."

"This is totally a shot out of the dark, but, are you doing anything later?" Stewie asked Paige.

"You're a 2D figure. A cartoon. Keep the pipe cleaner in the pants."

Chris burst into embarrassed tears. "I-I hate you!"

Suddenly Paige's eyes flew up at the realization that they were trying to take over her bat cave! (i.e. magic school.) She ran up to the TV and pulled the demon bitch's hair. Paige was sucked into the TV and she pulled out a can of Whoop-ass©. No...seriously. That comes in a can now. You can buy it at any dollar store.

The demon girl was dead in seconds and Paige returned back to the couch with a smug look...until the demon popped back up on screen and stuck her tongue out at Paige.

"_Isn't it fact that we can take this place over, proof enough that the Charmed Ones are really dead?"_

"_Unless they're in hiding." he replied._

"_They would not leave Magic School unprotected. Or leave it's power for us to take."_

"_Perhaps not. But then again, that's the mystery we're trying to solve. Isn't it?" He smiled. "Speaking of which, any progress on that fact?"_

"_We've lured three teenagers so far. Turned them all and yet no sign of the witches."_

_He furrowed his eyebrows. "They won't be able to ignore the cries for long. If the sisters are alive, they will come to the rescue. It's in their blood."_

"Damn." Wyatt wheezed. "My girlfriend is going to be pissed."

"You managed to get a girlfriend?" Everyone chorused.

He didn't answer and looked at his watch. "_Pissed._"

_The not so far future…_

A girl who could easily be mistaken for an automobile with legs, arms, a head. Layers and layers of pudge fell heavily to the bed. She almost spit out her taco from surprise. "HEY! Where are you, hugglebunch? YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE A GIRL LIKE THAT! YOU WERE GOING TO – HARD AND FAST – YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO–"

Then, she promptly choked and died of suffocation. Oops. Bad taco. Poor cow.

_Back to the present._

"Pished_._" he repeated.

"Then go back. No one's stopping you." Paige said.

Piper glared. "I am!"

"No one cares."

"Naaaaah." Fat Wyatt answered. "Bitch is dead. I poisoned her taco."

Stewie picked up his ray gun and pointed it at Fat Wyatt. He shot it and a red beam of light burned through his heart, making him disintegrate from inside out.

"Fat bastard is dead. I shot him in the heart." Stewie said.

Wyatt punched Stewie in the shoulder while snickering. "Ha, that was a good one."

"I know right."

_The demon walked slowly in the alley. She wore a black shirt with a white bunny on it, labeled, "White Rabbit." A college boy traveled behind her, looking at the brick walls curiously._

"_I thought you said we were going to a garden party, or something."_

"_We are, Alistair, we are."_

"_Yeah? Are you sure this is the way?"_

_She stopped and turned around to look at him. "You don't want to be late, do you?"_

"_No, but–"_

"_Because, we're very, very late."_

_His eyebrows crinkled. "Late for what?" She smirked. "Look, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I mean I really don't even know you."_

_He was cut off by the woman pulling him by his striped shirt and kissing him gently._

_She smiled, showing her teeth. "I promised you an adventure, didn't I? It's down there."_

_His eyebrows furrowed and he walked towards the manhole. "What's down there?"_

_She gripped his shirt. "See for yourself." She smiled and whispered, "Come on. Aren't you the least bit curious?"_

_He looked at her hesitantly and bent over to look closely at the manhole. He was suddenly sucked in underground._

_The woman laughed silently and then blink/blurred away when she heard foot steps._

_A girl in all black leather with dark sunglasses and black hair stepped into the alleyway. She looked around and sighed, taking off her glasses. A rat scuttled it's way across the concrete and she said, "Rats."_

"Damn, I'd sure like to check out her Wonderland." Chris whistled in appreciation. Leo nodded in agreement and Piper slapped him angrily.

"No! No, nodding your head! You are only aloud to check out _my_ Wonderland. _Mine!_"

He shrugged helplessly. "Sorry, babe. I've traveled into your Wonderland so often that the talking cats and the doped up Hatters just aren't as magical."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" She demanded with a fire in her eyes.

"Weeeeell." Leo said awkwardly. "Sweetie, to be frank, your womanhood is like a bridge. When it's first built it's so strong and wonderful and everyone wants to ride it." He grimaced. "But then...the bridge gets old. It has babies...I mean, it gets cracks and pot holes and it weakens. And no one thinks it's safe anymore to drive–"

"Are you saying I have an STD?"

"–So, they build a new one. And the townspeople are like, 'Damn! Why did I ride that one when I could have obviously gone for her two younger sisters?' And the townspeople and the new bridge drive, and again, _and_ again. The old bridge never finds out, and occasionally someone takes her pathway, but not often. The bridge eventually crumbles from old age and lack of proper care. And then the newer bridge rides out every person in town and then some."

Piper shrieked. "Are you saying that you're screwing Phoebe?" she turned on the dimwit. "You slut! How dare you screw my husband? I marked him as mine! Did you not see the tattoo on his pipe cleaner–"

"Hey!" Chris protested.

"–Of a Piper flag?"

Phoebe squealed with glee. "You have a tattoo, too?" She pulled off her shirt and all of the men of San Francisco surrounded the stained glass windows, drool pooling in the gallons on the sidewalks.

She ripped off her bra proudly showing off her boobs which had numerous tattoos on it.

"Pancake nipples." Paige snickered.

"**Jimmy was here.**" Was the first one. Then, "**So was Roger! And Hank. And John. And Damon. And Clay. And Mike. And Hans. And Cole. And random drunk guy who forgot his name and cant believe he's banging this hot chick and her rack. And Jason. And Blake. And Kristen. And Samantha"**

"And Blake?" Paige asked. "But aren't you dating Jason?"

Phoebe giggled. "Yesh!"

"I-I..." Paige shook her head. "Whore."

"Oh my gosh, how did you figure out my nickname?"

"A-And Kristen and Samantha?" Leo gasped. "You...You..."

Phoebe nodded with a doofus smile. "Mhm! And damn they were good! Really awesome threesome on a stormy night."

"Oh God." Leo said while looking down at his pants.

"What the hell, Leo?" Piper asked. "Are you...?"

"No!" He glanced over at Phoebe. "Yes..."

Phoebe giggled and ran to her room and brought down a bottle of ink. She brought out a feather and gave the ink to Leo. "Wanna sign 'em?"

Leo nodded. He steadily – in Calligraphy – wrote, "**Leo wishes he's been here."**

Phoebe laughed loudly. "That tickles!"

"Slut." Piper mumbled.

_A black haired girl threw a knife towards the demon. The demon moved away and the black haired girl pouted. "Awe, no fair! You moved!"_

_The demon glared and threw a blue ball of light towards her. She narrowly missed it by twisting and bending. She rolled away when another one was thrown. And then cartwheeled. She then flipped over onto the trashcan in the alley._

_The demon glared at her, breathing heavy._

_She jumped off the trashcan and lifted her hands in question. "What are you trying to do? Kill me?"_

_The demon gasped as Paige orbed into the alley._

"_You again?" The girl asked with a hand on her hip._

_Paige looked over at the demon and she blurred away in black._

"_Look what you did! I had her!"_

"Why am I in a police outfit?" Paige asked.

Chris, who had been paying attention, answered, "You want to feel needed so you signed up for a cop program."

"I look...Shapeless!" Paige exclaimed. "Can't they make them tighter?

"Will you put your bra back on, for crying out loud!" Piper ordered.

Phoebe pouted. "But I like playing with them." She petted them lovingly. "Awe, I'm so sorry for wanting to make you fake. I love you and your real milk production."

"Can I play with them?" Leo pleaded.

"No." Piper said sternly.

_With the demons, the lead demon walked briskly across the trashed floor of Magic School._

"_How could you let them get away?" he demanded. "Every innocent counts, especially with who we're ultimately trying to lure."_

"_I didn't _let _her get away. A witch–"_

"_If you can't handle one lousy witch–"_

"_It wasn't just _one!"

_He didn't look as angry, more curious when he asked, "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean somebody else came to help."_

"_Another witch."_

"_No. A whitelighter. Probably her's."_

"_Wasn't one of the Charmed Ones a whitelighter?"_

"_...Half. Why?"_

_He started to pace. "Because, maybe it wasn't just a whitelighter who came to help."_

"Damn." Leo said. "Let's do role play. I'm Alice and that demon is Wonderland."

"Leo, for the last time–" Piper started before pausing and tilting her head at the TV. "Wait, which demon?"

Leo bit his lip, his eyes twitching and half lidded as he growled unattractively at the TV.

"WHAT ARE YOU?" Everyone screeched and then looked around uncomfortably as they had been talking simultaneously again.

_A blonde walked into her dark dorm and turned on the light to find Paige holding a black wig while sitting in a swivel chair. She got up and held the wig by her finger. "Forgot something?"_

_The blonde sighed and the screen flickered to black before going back to the scene. Paige put the wig into a white cabinet._

"_Nice costume. Where'd you get it?"_

"_Sax. Like it?" The blonde replied with a quirk of her eyebrow._

"_No." Paige said. "Witches don't actually wear costumes."_

"_Oh really? So the conical hat and the broomstick is just everyday wear?"_

"_I meant recently."_

"_You should be more specific." She bit._

"_I'll try to remember that for next time." She snapped her fingers and brought her arm to a swing in a sarcastic manner. "Thanks for the tip!" The blonde didn't say anything. "What's your name, anyway?"_

"_What's yours?"_

"_Jo." Paige lied._

"_Billie."_

Chris heaved a sigh. "She would have an ugly name. Turn. Off."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Paige asked.

"Well, do you see yourself going around dating people named Carl?"

"I–" Paige started but then pursed her lips. "Fine, you have a point."

"Is Piper an ugly name?" Phoebe asked curiously.

"Piper got lucky." Leo answered.

"Ugh!" Piper protected. "You _so_ aren't getting laid!"

"Since when does he ever get laid?" Chris asked with a smirk. He dodged the pillow thrown at him. Actually, he didn't even need to dodge it. It was two feet off and ended up smacking Phoebe in the face.

"Ouchie."

"_I input it all into the computer, I hooked the crystal up to the GPS system, I started scrying for the demon and walla! There he was...or there _she _was. Are most demons chicks?"_

"_Uh, no, no, not always. Uh, you figured this all out by yourself?"_

"My baby's smart." Chris grinned and mentally fondled Billie.

"Bianca." Paige said, waiting for the frown.

"Dead." Chris replied.

"Not yet."

"Will be."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Well, what if I make sure she doesn't die."

"Then I kill you."

"What if I kill you before you kill me?"

"What if _I _kill you before you kill me before I kill you?"

"Well, what if I kill you before you kill me before I kill you before you kill me?"

"Then I'll just kill you before you kill me before I kill you before you kill me before I kill you."

"Huh?"

"I don't know."

_Billie, in her costume, walked in the 'Wonderland', i.e. underground sewer. Her boots tapped against the ground and she rounded a corner seeing the two demons who were staring at each other._

"_We've been waiting for you." The man threw his hand out and Billie let out a yelp as she was flung through the air._

_Billie coughed violently as she smashed against a concrete block. The two demons walked up to her, the man demon laughing._

"_Ah, I'm curious. Which one are you? Phoebe?–"_

"That's me!" Phoebe squealed.

_The man on TV stopped his acting and turned towards the camera, glaring. "Shut up."_

"Sorry." Phoebe squeaked.

"_Ahem." He said, out of character, "As I was saying." Back into character, with a completely serious face he said, "Ah, I'm curious. Which one are you? Phoebe? Piper? Paige?"_

"_I think you have me confused with somebody else." Billie said while looking up._

"_I think not." Billie coughed and the male demon looked at his partner. "Send her through. Then after her sisters find her wondering the streets, come looking for revenge, send them through too."_

"He said my name!" Phoebe said joyfully. "I'm gonna be famous!"

"Send her through where?" Chris asked, worried. "Poor, Billie-Willie."

Paige pretend barfed at the sickeningly cute nickname. She stuck a finger down her throat and gagged.

"Stop it!" Chris said childishly, in his girly voice. "There's no need to pick on me."

Paige pulled out her finger and looked at it confused. "I wasn't – Oh! I mean, no! I will not stop because you have a piper cleaner wee-wee and it's hilarious!"

_Billie squinted her eyes at the bright light, looking dazed. Voices squeaked around her and she covered her ears as flashes blurred around her._

"_O-Off with her head."_

_The girl demon appeared with an ax, laughing evilly. She swiped it at the air and Billie yelped. Billie tumbled to the ground and she pulled out a knife. She thrust it into the air and suddenly fading letters surrounded her head and Billie covered her ears._

_Billie was sucked into a darker black abyss and gasped as she saw a giant rat with beady eyes eating people. She was suddenly running away from gigantic poker cards with pictures of her the demons._

_The male demon's card bounced towards her, saying, "Off with her head! Kill her! Run with your life!"_

_Billie rolled onto the ground and hopped up, gasping. She tugged at her handcuffs and suddenly she's at a witness stand. "What is happening to me?"_

_The girl demon's head appeared in the corner of the blackness. "I'll be the judge and the jury, said the cr–"_

_The male demon appeared next to her with a bright smile. "And I'll try the whole case! Then condemn you to death!"_

_An ax appeared in mid air and came swinging at her neck, and just as it slashed it disintegrated._

"_N-No!" The girl demon shouted as she burst into flames from the inside out. The male demon looked at her and flashed away._

_Everything disappeared and Billie was back underground._

"_Billie are you in there?" Paige called._

"_Yeah."_

"She's okay, thank God. Now Billie-Willie and I can be together for_ever_."

_Billie raised her eyebrows at Chris. "Yeah, not with that pipe cleaner."_

"Feather duster! Big feather duster is about right!" Chris said desperately and TV Billie rolled her eyes before going back into character.

"Bianca." Paige repeated. "She'll kill you."

"I'll kill her before she kills me."

"She'll kill you before you kill her before she kills you."

"I'll kill her before she kills me before I kill her before she kills me."

"Pipe cleaner."

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

**They're watching **_**The Lost Picture Show**_** next chapter.**

* * *

**Dear, Utterly Appalled, who doesn't have a real account, or is too much of a pansy to review on your own account,**

**I know you won't most likely read this, but...You don't think I already know all of that? This story is a piece of shit and I stress about it all the time. I want it to be humorous. I just want to make people laugh, that's why my updates have been few and far in between, because I can't think of anything anymore. **

**No, not all of my writing is like this. You have to realize, Mrs. Appalled, that this is fanfiction. There are far worse stories out there than this piece of crap. And if Mr. Appalled were reading this he would have thought it were hilarious. Because guys have a better sense of humor. Bitch...**

**Yes, I know you were only trying to help, but honestly? That made me far more sad than I already was. God, I need a drink. Oh, wait, I'm thirteen! You think my writing is childish? I'M AN ADOLECENT YOU DUMBASS.**

**Sincerely,**

**Kiss my ass.**


	31. Chapter 31

Chris almost had the nerve to wipe their memories of the little incident, but, he knew that if he did they would find something much worse to use against him. Actually, they still might.

"My turn!" Phoebe shrieked while stealing the remote from Chris. She glared childishly. "You picked the last gazillion!" She chewed her lip intently while picking the next episode.

"Oh my God!" Paige yelled in exasperation. She wrestled the remote from Phoebe and clicked the first episode she could get to before Phoebe spent an hour, "Hmm"-ing and talking to herself about how titles were deceiving.

_A man locked the door of his shop and walked over to a cabinet. He pulled out an old yellow piece of paper. He looked at it appreciatively and said, "Time to make room for another."_

_He set the paper down and the camera zoomed in on a fuzzy figure. He touched his hand on the picture and it glowed when he retracted his hand._

_The man appeared in a flash in the shop, stumbling into things._

_He breathed heavily at the new scenery. "What the hell? Where am I? What's going on."_

_The demon folded his hands and spoke patiently, "You're out of time, J.D. You're no longer useful to me."_

"_What are you talking about? Who are you?" J.D. Demanded._

_The demon opened his hand and let it be engulfed by flames. He looked at J.D. and thrust the ball of fire towards him. J.D. slipped onto the ground, narrowly avoiding the flare. He tackled the demon to the ground and pushed his finger into his neck, making the demon pass out._

_J.D. ran outside and into the street, getting hit by a car. He tumbled to the ground and everyone gasped._

Leo wolf whistled. "I think I see porn in the future."

"You do." Piper agreed. "Because you sure as hell ain't getting any of this."

Leo rolled his eyes slowly and dramatically. His head lolled to the side before swinging to look at Piper. "I never got any in the first place."

"That's no – No, you're right."

"I doubt Wyatt and Chris are even mine." Leo said under his breath.

"They aren't."

"What?" Leo gasped.

Piper rolled her eyes. "You think your Whitelighter ass can give all of that power to them? You wish."

"B-But."

"Prophecy was a lie. For God's sake Leo! It was on printer paper! We _colored_ it with yellow crayon!"

Leo pouted and sniffled. "O-Oh."

"_Hello, Paige." Sam greeted. Paige turned around and Sam smiled. "It's good to see you."_

"_Sam?" Paige asked in shock._

"_Sam?" he asked, slightly taken back. "Don't you mean, Dad?" He smiled again and it slowly faded when she didn't say anything._

"Ah." Leo said fondly. "Good times."

"Good times?" Paige asked angrily. "What _good times_?"

"Well, as you know, I met Sam in the sixties–"

"When you were high on dope and love." Chris interrupted.

"And you had that really bad haircut. You know...The skater haircut...Before it was in style." Piper put in.

"It never was in style." Phoebe stated simply while filing her nails with her teeth.

"Ahem." Leo glared. "As I was saying...I met him in the sixties."

"You didn't!" she got on her knees and begged. "Please tell me you didn't!"

Leo looked at her innocently. "Didn't what, Paige?" he paused and grinned wickedly. "I think I like this position."

Paige let out a shrill scream. "No!" She grabbed Leo by his stripped red and blue polo shirt and kicked him where it hurt. You know...the head. "You asshole! You slept with my Dad!"

"I-I didn't sleep with your father!" Leo said while rubbing his head.

"Oh." Paige said and backed off. "Sorry."

"I slept with _Sam._"

"News flash, Leo. They're the same person!" She screeched while biting every visible patch of skin. "You man whore!"

_J.D. laid on the wicker couch, still bruised and slightly bloody from the indecent. Sam paced in front of him with his arms crossed. He looked down at his watch._

"_Paige? Where are you?" He mumbled to himself._

"_Sam? Sam?" J.D. asked weakly._

"_Sh, sh, sh, sh." Sam soothed and walked over to him. He sat at the end of the couch. "It's okay, J.D. Just go back to sleep. You rest."_

_J.D. looked up at him through swollen eyes. "What-What happened?" He groaned and shifted on the couch. "Oh, God."_

_Sam winced. "Close your eyes. Go on. Trust me." He did as Sam asked and Sam hovered his hands a foot from J.D.'s face and let the golden glow wash through him._

_J.D. looked up at him, his wounds gone. "I feel better now. What's going on?"_

"_It's a long story. And you need to rest, okay?"_

Paige cried. "Y-You slut."

Piper got up to grip Paige by the shoulders in a comforting hug. "Awe, it's okay, sweetie. He's had sex with everyone. Especially himself."

"B-But he had sex wi-with my Daddy! My Daddy! Now he's probably got an STD!"

"He's had sex with our Dad too." Phoebe tried to soothe her.

"What?" Piper exploded.

"He's uh...had sex with...Victor too..." Phoebe said awkwardly.

"You whore!" Piper yelled as loud as a Banshee and brought a jackhammer down to his balls.

"Ow." Leo squeaked.

_J.D. looked up at the sky to see an airplane. "Am I dead?"_

"_No, but you're going to be if we don't get out of here." Billie said._

"_Unreal."_

"_J.D. I'm telling you, we have to go."_

_A tan hybrid passed them and J.D. pointed towards it._

"_D-Did you see that? It didn't make a sound! Like right out of Buck Rodgers."_

"_It's a hybrid. It runs on battery."_

_He looked at her. "Battery, why?"_

"_Are you kidding? With gas three bucks a gallon."_

"_Really? Three bucks? No way! It's like twenty five cents..." He stopped talking when he saw two cops riding on the street on a Segway. J.D. pushed Billie out of the way, hiding her behind some pillars._

"If I were him I'd be scared too." Leo said.

Piper smacked him, "No talking!"

"Segways are really cool!" Chris exclaimed. "In my day – Oh my God, I'm old."

"_Anything?" Paige asked Sam._

"_No." he answered. "Maybe we should take something back to scry for 'im." He walked towards a cabinet._

"_Everything alright?" Paige asked._

"_Can you feel that?"_

_Paige got up from the desk and walked over towards him. "Feel what?"_

"_The pain...Innocents. I can sense them. They were here." He turned towards Paige, opening his eyes. "Future Whitelighters, that's what he's after. This could be a trap. You've got to get out of here."_

"_No, I'm not a future Whitelighter. I _am _a Whitelighter."_

"_But you're not embracing it! Otherwise you'd sense it too, that makes you vulnerable."_

"_No." Paige said. "That makes me sane."_

"_Look, you've got to stop fighting this, Paige. You've got to stop fighting yourself. Whether you like it or not, you are my daughter. Which makes you a whitelighter. And it's about damn time you accepted that!"_

"_The hell it is. Look, for your information, my father – my _real _father – the one who raised me," Sam rolled his eyes, "loved me, and took care of me until the day he died was a firefighter, not a Whitelighter. So how dare you show up here and act like my dad, because I've got news for you, you're not!" She glared at him and walked away, opening the door angrily and leaving in a huff._

_Sam sighed and put a hand to his head. He whirled around when he heard a rush of air. "Paige?"_

_The demon stood there with a smirk. "Daughters...They tend to outlive their fathers. Grieve longer." He conjured a camera._

"_Wait, don't!"_

"_Smile."_

_A flash of blue light froze Sam and made him disappear all together. The demon pulled out the paper from his jacket and unrolled it on his desk. In J.D.'s old place, Sam was imprinted with his hands up in defense._

"If you keep doing that you'll never have Melinda!" Leo warned as Piper prepared to bring the jackhammer down again.

"I never wanted Melinda! Ever! At all! Besides, Phoebe's having Melinda."

Phoebe let out a loud sob. "No. I'm not having anyone bec-because I'm infertile. Weh!" She wiped her eyes. "I want a baby! I want a baby! I want a–" She paused and titled her head. "What does infertile mean?"

"Can't have babies."

"That's what I thought...I WAN'T A BABY!" She cried. "Weh, heh, heh, he."

"I want cute little baby Melinda! I want cute little baby Wyatt who's currently sharpening a sword. I don't want ugly little baby Chris though–"

"I was not ugly as a baby!" Chris interrupted with a pout.

"'Cause he has a baby penis the size of a cap eraser and then I'll be the laughing stock...'Cause my son will have a cap eraser hoo-ha!"

"Oh, go bite the big one."

_Paige sighed when Leo finished explaining. She tilted her head and said, "Dad?"_

_Sam appeared in a bright yellow glow. "Paige."_

_She stared at him in surprise and suddenly a group of people appeared behind Sam in the same fashion as he did._

"_Okay, everybody, back up. We're gonna have some company." Piper said._

_The demon shimmered in with the piece of paper. "I don't understand." He looked at them and growled, "How did you free them?"_

"_I didn't." Piper answered and motioned towards Paige. "She did."_

_Paige grinned and shrugged sheepishly. "I guess my Whitelighter side is stronger than I thought."_

_He threw a fireball at her in anger and Piper froze it, 'causing it to bounce back towards the demon._

_Paige picked up his heavy camera and pointed it towards the demon. "Smile."_

"_No!"_

"Cliché as fuck."

* * *

**What episode next, hmm? What about **_Vaya Con Leos_**? I love that episode. It makes me sad though. I love Leo! But I also love the Angel of Death. He major kicks ass.**

**Beta'd by **_Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell_**. **

**Still don't own Charmed. Don't know why I suddenly would.**

**P.S. It would be the greatest thing ever, if I could get three hundred reviews before this story ended. I would love you all! I mean, I would love you all more than I already do. I only have a few more chapters to go on this story - It's a little disappointing - and I would sincerely love it if I could have three hundred reviews. It makes me feel special and loved. **


	32. Chapter 32

**Give me reviews (at least five) and I'll show you guys something next chapter that I don't feel like posting as it's own story. It's funny – I think – I promise!**

**Sorry about the delay. I thought I sent it to my beta, but I guess I didn't, and well...yeah.**

**I don't own Jack Schitt.**

* * *

Leo wrenched the remote out of Paige's hand. "My turn!" He shouted gleefully.

"Oh gawd!" Piper groaned in exasperation.

"Hmm..What should I choose?" He tapped the remote lightly against his cheek while pondering. Whilst thinking to hard, the remote jabbed him in the eye. "Ouch! I-I think I'm bleeding..."

Chris rolled his eyes and took the remote away from Leo and chose a random episode. He then proceeded to smack him upside the head with it repeatedly. "Dumbass."

"Owie! You so mean!" Leo sobbed. He cried harder. "Stop it!"

"Chris, stop hitting your father." Piper chided, uncommitted. She absentmindedly took the remote from Chris and started to hit Leo with it.

"I'm calling social services!" Leo tried to threaten but it turned out as a pathetic whine.

Paige sighed, bored. "This happens entirely too often."

Phoebe giggled. "I think it's funny!" She let out a high pitch cackle of a laugh.

Everyone covered their ears and dogs barked outside, their ears bleeding from the hurtful pitch.

Stewie started to bellow out a laugh and stopped when Wyatt hit him.

"_Ah, listen to that baby, huh?" Leo said happily as he revved the engine of a beat up, old, blue car._

"_Do what?" Piper shouted over the rumble. _

"_Isn't she something?"_

"_She's somethin', alright." Piper agreed in a mocking way. _

"_Oh man, straight six, force-v tronning. Just like the one my grandpa gave me sixty years ago."_

"Are you..." Piper gaped at Leo, "Talking about cars? And actually making sense and using the right vocabulary?" She scowled. "You know, if the author heard what the frick you were saying over the rumble of the engine, plus the facts that actors have the tendency to not speak in coherent freaking sentences! For God's sake, Leo, learn to speak up!"

"What?" He asked, confused at his wife's insane nonsense rambling.

She shrugged. "Beats me, hey, are you actually talking about a car?"

Leo nodded hesitantly. "Yeah...I suppose so..."

"God you're so turning me on right now." She said in a voice thick with teenage hormones she never quite got rid of. Or, it could be the fact that Phoebe is practically screwing Leo in her head and projecting those feelings on to everyone (yes, _everyone_). But what would I know? I'm only the author.

"Why are Leo's less than muscly legs making me all hot and bothered?" Paige panicked. "Oh, God, they're so hairless and scrawny. You're sex on dainty, girl legs!"

"W-What is this feeling over coming me?" Chris asked, confused. His eye was twitching and suddenly he wanted to hump the hell out of Leo's bee waxed legs.

"_**I bet they taste like honey." **_Chris thought. "O-Oh God!" He suddenly orbed a frying pan into his hand and smacked Phoebe on the head with it. She fell with a thump on the floor, her head bleeding.

"I think she's dead." Piper spoke up as she pulled away from licking Leo's nonexistent abs.

Chris bit his lip awkwardly. "Whoopsy daisy..."

"We should probably heal her." Leo said.

"No, no." Piper shook her head. "Let's just...keep her there for a while."

_Leo left with the car salesman to go write up the paper. Piper grinned as she stood in front of the car. Her eyes observed her surrounding and the smile slid right off her face as she saw the man with the dark black robes. A car passed right through the Angel of Death. He stared at Piper and she stared in fear back. _

"Hot damn!" Leo whistled.

"Seriously, Leo?" Paige asked incredulously. "You can be gay, fine. But _him_? He's covered in robes for crying out loud! How can you think he looks hot when you can't even look at the merchandise."

"Oh trust me, I've checked out the merchandise more times than I can count."

Piper groaned. "I'm married to a man whore."

"You should probably get tested." Chris suggested nonchalantly.

"_You_ should probably get tested. For ugly!" Stewie snickered.

"Oh you're just jealous because you can't even last through twenty seconds of sex." Chris rolled his eyes and then smirked at Stewie's expression. "Yeah, I saw that episode."

_Paige leaned over to grab the phone. "I'm canceling my lunch date."_

"_No, no, no. You're not."_

_Paige looked at her. "Yes I am."_

"_No, you can't just use my own neurosis to justify your own. You're just looking for an excuse to get out of the date."_

"_I am not." She pointed the phone towards her older sister. "And that's beside the point."_

"_That's exactly the point. Now, Henry asked you out and you said yes. You're going."_

_Paige stood up in a huff. "I don't want to!" She moaned, sounding like a child. "I don't even like him that way."_

"_Which is clearly why you said yes. Now, you're gonna go, and if I see Death, I'll call ya."_

"Henry." Paige though, tapping her index finger against her ruby red lips. "He sounds familiar."

"I love how we speak of Death so casually." Piper said sarcastically. "Hello, people? He's freakin' Death! You don't stay and have a chat, you run like a bat outta hell!"

"Husband." Chris answered Paige.

"Oh." Paige said in realization, a bright light bulb popped over her head. She shifted and the light bulb fell to the floor and not on her skull.

"Damn it!" Wyatt growled. "Just _die_ already!"

_Henry looked at the check. "Your half is fourteen-fifty." She looked up at him in shock. "Gotta get some change."_

_Her phone rang and she greeted with a false cheery, "Hello."_

"_Hey." Piper said. "Are you alright?"_

"_No, I'm not."_

"_What do you mean? Did you see Death?"_

"_No. Just saw a cad."_

"I can't believe he didn't pay!' Paige said angrily.

Phoebe blinked and rubbed her bloody head. "I-It looks like a lunch date, Paige. It's not a _real_ date."

"I thought you were dead." Piper growled.

Phoebe's eyes turned as black as the Source's. "_I never die._"

"Hey, is that a wrinkle?" Leo asked casually.

"What?" she shrieked. "Where?" she started to sob. "O-Oh, God! I-I'm _old_. I'm going to get gray hair and wrinkles and I'll start to talk about things that no one cares about and say, 'back in my day.'"

"Awe, sweetie–" Leo tried to soothe.

"I'm going to be Leo! Weh-heh-heh-heh-heh."

"_I'm taking Leo." Death said._

_She glared. "What?"_

"_It's curious," he mused. "I actually feel bad about it. No doubt about my reflection of knowing you. Don't normally get to know people long in my line of work, obviously."_

"_You can't have him."_

"_You don't have a choice. That's why I came earlier. To warn you. To give you time to prepare. To say goodbye."_

_She shook her head. "No!"_

"_You don't have much time."_

"_Why?"_

"_I'm not about why, or how, Piper. I'm simply when."_

"Snore." Phoebe groaned. "Do we _really_ have to have _another_ Piper and Leo plot line. No one cares anymore."

"Leo's dying. Wait, no, Piper's dying." Paige continued.

"No." Chris shook his head. "One of you is dying which somehow disrupts their relationship."

"Drama Queens." Wyatt gurgled.

Leo wailed. "I'm sorry, Piper! I can't do this anymore. Live this–this _lie._ I'm gay."

"Fuck you, Leo." Paige scowled at having to pick up the pieces of Piper's broken heart. "Fuck. You."

"No!" Piper sobbed. "I-I can't live wi-without you. I have to kill myself, or at least terrorize the town with my witchy-Goddess powers."

"Damn it, Piper!" Phoebe yelled.

"No!" Chris shouted. "You can't kill yourself. What about meeee? I need to _live_ so I can save Wyatt from being evil. Except I don't share that with you until it slips out of my mouth accidentally which, of course, causes you all to try and kill me."

"No one cares!" They all told him.

"_Why didn't you tell me, huh?" Leo demanded."What? You don't think I have a right to know?"_

"_No, you do. I-I just didn't know how to tell you." she pressed her hand to her forehead and then ran her fingers through her hair._

_Leo gave a laugh that was somewhere between incredulous and anger. "I can't believe this is happening. You know?" Another laugh. "I can't believe that I-I'm..."_

"_You're not going to, okay? I won't let it happen."_

"_How, huh? By hexing every man so he looks like me? That's not going to stop him!"_

"That has to be..._heaven,_" Phoebe sighed at the prospect of having an orgy with thirty Leos. She suddenly cursed, glaring at Leo. "To bad you're gay."

"For the last time, Alyssa, just because I won't take the chance of stickin' my thing where _so_ many have gone before, does not mean I'm gay!"

She scoffed. "Keep convincing yourself, Brian. Who ever doesn't want a piece of this," she motioned towards her beautifully sculpted body. "Is gay."

"What is this?" Piper questioned. "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?"

Chris pursed his lips and shook his head. "Nah. They're just bat-shit crazy."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Phoebe, we get it. You have a nice ass. Stop smacking it."

_Paige stood on the front porch looking at Henry...or, well, Leo. Leo-Henry? Whatever, it's beside the point. She's talking to Henry who looks like Leo because of the spell, and it's really creepy. _

"_Well, you know, Henry. I'm just a little...weirded out right now." _

"_But why?" _

"_Well, Henry, um...There are just too many reasons to go into." _

_He pursed his lips, nodding. "More secrets, huh?" Paige rolled her eyes. "I just want to know what was going on at lunch. Everything was going fine until–"_

"_Yeah, well, I promise we will talk about that. However, right now, obviously, you're a little bit upset and frankly...not yourself." _

"_Fine."_

"If you screw him, Paige. I will screw you!" Piper threatened.

"Whoa, I like the sound of tha–" He scowled. "Damnit, Phoebe! Stop making me think disgusting things!"

Phoebe's eye brows creased in confusion. "I'm not doing anything."

"Oh, God." Chris moaned, his face turning green. He orbed away to the nearest bathroom and Phoebe snickered.

"And you guys say I can't keep a secret."

Piper glared. "Stop making my son get horny about us."

Phoebe giggled like a child on crack A.K.A chocolate.

"_Hi." Piper whispered hoarsely to Leo who was laying in a hospital bed._

"_What happened?" He groaned._

"_You're in the hospital. You had an accident, but you're gonna be okay."_

"_You've always been a bad liar."_

_Piper laughed, but then frowned. "They're gonna take you in for surgery soon. But I'll be waiting for you when you come out."_

"_Tell the boys–"_

"_No. Stop. You can tell them everything once you get out of here. We're gonna beat this, Leo, just like we always do."_

"_Piper..."_

"_No, listen to me. You can't give up. You've got to fight this. I can't do this by myself."_

There was dead silence in the manor as the Charmed Ones and their Whitelighter and ex-Whitelighter watched Leo try to tell Piper that he was dying and her trying to tell him that he was going to hold on.

Paige finally spoke up in the tense silence.

"Gag me."

"Oh, shush, you!" Piper scolded. "The _non-_gay Leo and I are trying to say goodbye."

"I've had enough of this!" Leo shouted. "How come when two girls kiss everyone thinks it adorable and cute, but when to guys want to be together all hell breaks loose?"

Chris snorted. "That's because two chicks kissing is hot."

"And why is that?" Leo questioned.

"I-I dunno...It just is."

"Exactly! You have no basis! I am gay and I am proud!" Leo said boldly. "And I am in love with Gideon!"

"He dead." Phoebe said.

"Odin!"

"Too bitchy."

"So is Piper."

"Good point. But still, no." Phoebe said.

"...Sam?"

Paige glared and tackled Leo to the ground. "You stick that _thing_ in my beautiful Daddy then I am going to break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"That sounds nice."

"I'll make you eat it."

"Still nice."

"I'll stick it in Piper!"

"Ewwwwww!"

_A woman Avatar phased in the sun room in front of Piper and an Elder orbed in behind Piper. _

"_An Avatar?" The Elder asked. "What are you trying to do?"_

"_I'm trying to save my husband's life." she turned to look at him. "Anyway. I. Can."_

"_The fact that you dare put me in a room with an Avatar..."_

"_Shows the open-minded view _she's_ capable of." The woman said. _

"_Says the single-minded belief that almost killed us all."_

_Piper whistled to get their attention. "Listen. I am only interested in talking about Leo right now. And I have it on very good authority that one or both of you may know why this is happening. So, I'm listening." _

"_I don't know what you're talking about."_

"_You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. Look, I don't care how it happens." she turned to look at the woman. "I don't care who does it. But one of you is going to save Leo because both of you owe him." she looked at the Elder, "Are _you_ telling me you won't heal Leo?" Back to the Avatar, "Or _you_ don't have the power to fix this?"_

"_Will somebody say something!" Piper shouted._

"_It's not that we won't, Piper. We _can't._"_

"Damn who the hell is _he_?" Leo questioned while looking at the Elder and his lopsided mouth. "I want to lick him."

Paige slapped Leo across the cheek. "Keep your horny opinions to yourself. You don't hear me saying I want to screw Henry."

"You just did."

"Dammit!"

_Paige walked into Henry's office. "Hi. Uh, sorry I left without talking before..."_

"_Can't talk now so..."_

"_Well, that's not what I came for."_

_He threw his hands up lightly. "Why are you here?"_

"_I need some help. It's about my brother-in-law."_

"_Hold it! You can't just storm out on lunch and show up here like nothing happened. You can't do that."_

"_I _didn't._" She insisted._

"_Let's talk about why you were upset."_

"_Okay. Here's the thing I have no issue – ya know – going dutch with guys, I do it, you know, a lot. Totally fine, but I guess I just kinda feel – heh – it's old fashioned that when someone _specifically_ asks me out on a date that maybe–"_

_Henry held his finger up, motioning her to stop. "Who did that?"_

"_You did."_

"_I? No."_

"_Yeah. You said, 'Would you like to go for lunch on a date?'"_

"_I said, 'Would you like to go for lunch at Nate's."_

_She looked at him awkwardly. "Okay...That's really embarrassing." She flashed a smile._

"_The embarrassing part of the story is that I did want to make it a date, and I didn't ask you because I was scared you were gonna say no."_

_She gave a short laugh and shrugged, "Misunderstandings." _

"_So, what can I do for you Paige?"_

"Can you get off of me now?" Leo asked uncomfortably as she squished his chest.

"That's what she said." Phoebe laughed.

Piper rolled her eyes.

_Paige forcefully orbed the man who hit Leo into the attic and shoved him into a chair. She threw a truth potion at his feet._

"_You're going to tell me what's going on and who is behind this."_

_He squeaked in terror as a golden light circled him. "W-Who's behind what?" The light entered his chest and he shifted in his chair. "Hey. Hey, that felt pretty good. What was that stuff?"_

"_Never mind. The truth. Now."_

_He shrugged. "Alright, okay. The truth is I don't really have a license to drive a–" He started to spew off nonsense and Piper walked into the room._

"_Who's that?"_

"_This is the guy that crashed into Leo. Except now I'm beginning to think it really was an accident."_

"_It wasn't." She shrugged off her coat. "Get rid of him."_

Piper started to sob. She pulled Paige off her husband and fell into his arms.

"Don't leave me, Leo! Please don't leave me! You're all I have in this crazy world! If you die I'll go mad. I'll have to live with _them_. How will I survive?"

"Aweh, sweetie." He said, pity thick in his voice. "Get off me. You're knock off Armani burns."

_The Angel of Destiny's eyes glowed white before turning back to her brown. _

"_There's one more battle on the horizon for you three. One unlike any you've faced before. One you won't see coming and one you may not survive."_

_Piper shook her head. "What does that have to do with Leo?"_

"_The loss. The pain. Will motivate you – all of you – to fight. Without, which you will have no chance to prevail."_

Chris scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, one you may not survive. They're two teenaged bitches who have parental issues. What, is it going to be as bad as Shax? Let's face it. He was a homeless man that went bat-shit crazy, dressed up in white make up, and pretended to have magical powers."

Paige nodded awkwardly. "Yeah, that dude was a hobo. Why do you think I was so reluctant to kill him?"

"Two teenage bitches?" Phoebe mused. "Could that be Billie and her sister?"

Chris sighed. "Who else? The least the Destiny Angels could do is give you a bit more of a challenge. Billie and Christy are just insulting. Oh, and summoning the nexus? Who didn't see that one coming? Or what about the time travel? Obvious or what? And lets not forget Paige and Phoebe dying and Leo magically appearing to save the day. Come on, Brad Kern. You could do better.

"And what about Coop? For God's sake Phoebe didn't know him longer than five minutes before humping him. At least you let Paige know Henry a little longer. Where was Prue, anyway? Don't you think she deserved to come in on the very last episode? Oh, that's right, because Alyssa and Shannon had issues. Yeah, okaay. You screwed her didn't you? You screwed Shannon, things got awkward, and you fired the bitch. Do you really think we're that dumb?

"Fuck you, Brad Kern! Where the hell is Constance M. Burg when you need her?"

"What the hell are you going on about?" Paige asked with a laugh.

Chris blinked. "I have no clue. Brad Kern...Never heard of him."

"I think this brings us back to the schizophrenia disorder." Wyatt stated.

"Or perhaps multiple personality? Oh, how deliciously theatrical." Stewie said.

"_Leo is about to die any second, and this is the only way we could think of to save him." Piper spoke to Billie._

"_How?" She asked. _

"_By doing to Leo what he does to his trophies." Phoebe said. "...Freezing them."_

"_But," The demon spoke up. "That's only if I agree to help, right? I mean, Blondie here knows how to torture alright, but she doesn't know how to freeze anyone."_

"_What's your point, what do you want?" Paige asked. _

"_It's a little thing called amnesty. You don't come after me, you don't touch me. I'm completely free. And I don't have to talk to _you," _he said to Billie. "Or anybody else about her sister."_

"_No, no, no. You can't do this. He knows something." Billie said desperately._

"_I know, sweetie, I know. And I swear we'll find your sister. I promise. But this is Leo's only hope."_

_Billie looked at her with tearful eyes. "Okay."_

"_Deal." Piper said to the demon. Piper turned towards the Angel. "Go ahead."_

_She closed her eyes and Leo – perfectly healed – appeared in the demon's spot, and the demon stood in front of the ice crystals. _

"_What's going on?" Leo asked. "Where am I?"_

_Piper walked up to him. "It doesn't matter. All that matters is you're going to be safe."_

"_What do you mean? What's going on?"_

"_Remember when I told you you just had to trust me?...This is the only way."_

"_The only way? Piper..."_

"_I have to lose you, to save you. It's just our screwed up destiny and you kind of got caught in the middle. I'm so sorry."_

"_It's alright, I, uh, we've been through worse."_

"_No, we haven't."_

"_We're going to get through this."_

"_Of course we will."_

"_It's time." The Angel spoke up._

_The demon put a crystal in place._

"_I love you." She said._

"_I love you too."_

_They kissed and Piper pulled back tearfully. Phoebe blew a kiss to Leo and Paige gave me a sad smile._

_The demon put the last crystal in place and turned it, sealing Leo in and turning him into a chunk of ice._

"That was incredibly selfish of you, Piper. Taking away Billie's chance of finding her sister." Phoebe scolded. She grinned. "You're coming along nicely."

* * *

**Oh, and that rant up there, that Chris did about the finale, I only partially agree with. The part being Shannon screwing Brad Kern is what I disagree with...That's it. All the other stuff is a hundred percent me...And some of it my dad. Seriously. Shax. They could have done better.**

**I'm just thinking of skipping all the crap and going right to the last two episodes of Charmed. What do you think? Yay? Nay? Oh, and don't worry, there will be another chapter after the last episode. It will make you go, "What the hell?" Which is a good thing. So, all in all, this will be thirty five chapters long. If you include the author's note I posted a while back. Which I shouldn't, so, thirty four. **

**And remember, if you review I'll show you something that I don't find the need to actually post. I'll show it to you next chapter. Just because they drop the f-bombs doesn't mean you should stop reviewing.**


	33. Chapter 33

**You guys _are_ reading the Italics, right? Because I sometimes put some pretty funny stuff in there. For example, "**_the pedophilic looking buttchin said._**" Or, "**_The fat one interrupted him in a very angry doughnut voice._**" See? Funny! Or at least I thought so...**

**Oh well, review or I sick Phoebe on you!...And _no one_ wants that.**

* * *

_The Charmed Ones ran through the Underworld. Paige falling behind from the heavy Book of Shadows in her arms. _

"_Watch it, guys! Wait for me. This thing is heavy!" Paige said. _

"_We've got to keep moving." Piper grumbled. _

"_I think we've been going in circles, because this looks very familiar." Phoebe said, holding her jacket tight to her chest from the cold._

"_Yeah, it looks the same to me, too." Paige agreed._

"_Well of course it does, it's the Underworld." Piper stated. "It all looks the same. How many looks can they come up with?"_

_Paige grimaced. "No wonder they want to take over our world. This is ugly."_

"_They've all ready taken over our world." Phoebe said._

Phoebe smirked. "Even with charcoal on my face I look damn sexy."

"You okay, Phoebs?" Paige questioned. "You're head is looking a little _big_."

"Did you _not _just hear what Dumbass over here said?" Chris demanded.

Leo nodded. "Mhm, she looks sexy. We all heard her, Chris. It's all she can think about."

"It's the truth." Phoebe sniffed. She fluffed her short hair. "Damn, I really need to grow this out."

"That is beside the point!" Chris shouted.

"No one cares, sweetie." Piper said.

"The demons have taken over the Upperworld!"

"Upperworld?" Paige asked, bemused.

"I thought I would try it out." Chris pouted and shrugged. "Seriously, demons have taken over our world! This is not good!"

"I'll kill 'em." Phoebe said confidently...**.**Or stupidly.

"Yep." Paige agreed. "Phoebe will kill them."

_A very ugly – okay, average – man walked into a room with an annoying cocky look on his face. He stood in front of a projector and the Triad members appeared in a hologram. _

"_Why hasn't the Charmed Ones attacked yet?"_

"_They will." the man replied. "I assure you."_

"_When?"_

"_When they're at their most desperate. When they realize then have no other choice."_

"_And Billie and Christy?" _

"_They've taken over the Halliwell manor. And they have the entire magical community behind them. Not to mention, us."_

"_But are they prepared for the attack?"  
_

"_They will be."_

"That is just offensive!" Phoebe said. "Sending Mr. ButtChin after us."

"Not to mention he looks like the guy to wear tweed." Leo said and then stuck his finger down his throat, pretend gagging.

"Plus he's cocky." Piper added. "Look at that stupid smirk on his face. Cocky bastard."

"And he has a butt chin!" Phoebe put it. "I hate butt chins. Stupid butt chins."

"Paige, uh...has a 'butt chin.'" Chris told her.

Phoebe gasped. "Y-You butt chin! You're not my sister anymore! I _refuse_ to be related to a butt chin!"

"Thank God!" Paige said in relief.

"_Don't be so sure. We came after them with that shot and they still got away." Billie said._

"_Yeah, but barely." Christy said._

"_It just makes me think, maybe we don't have enough to go up against them. I mean, they aren't the most powerful witches of all time for nothing."_

_Christy looked like she was about to blow a gasket. "But we're no slouches either."_

Paige flinched as something splashed on her face.

"The power of pretty compels you! The power of pretty compels you!" Phoebe yelled.

"Stop throwing concealer at me." Paige snapped. She wiped the too dark makeup off her face.

"I banish you, butt chin! Expel from my sister and hide in the deepest pits of Purgatory!"

Paige rolled her eyes and took the cover up from her and poured half of it on Phoebe's face. "Banish that zit off yours while you're at it."

Phoebe whimpered. "It's not that bad, you evil butt chin."

"_Unless you draw double red, you don't stand a chance, my man." Victor said to Wyatt, discussing a game of Candy Land. "Go ahead. Pick that card."_

_Wyatt flipped over a card showing a blue square. Victor laughed in triumph. Suddenly the overturned card was encased in blue orbs and Victor watched in shock as the card changed to double red. _

_Wyatt smirked._

"_Hey, that's cheating." Victor pouted._

"_It wasn't me." Wyatt murmured, amusement in his voice. "It was Chris."_

"_No way." Victor said, his eyes flickering over to the two year old in his crib. "He doesn't have any powers yet." _

"_Yes he does." Wyatt insisted with a wide grin. _

_Victor looked back to baby Chris who was peeking over the crib, giggling. _

"You're such a cheater." Paige said.

"He was a damn ugly baby." Phoebe muttered.

Chris chose to ignore that and said, "I'm not a cheater. I'm just helping out my brother."

"Uh-_gly_." Phoebe repeated. "Like, hideous. Like, seriously, what is going on with his hair?"

"You're one to talk you she-male." Chris scowled. "Like, seriously," he mocked, "What is going on with your hair?"

"Pi_per_," Phoebe whined and pointed to Chris. "Chris is being mean to me!"

"Chris," Piper scolded halfheartedly, "Stop being mean to your aunt."

"She started it." He grumbled.

"_I'm in love with your daughter." Coop said to Victor._

"_Oh, for the love of God."_

Phoebe smirked. "Is he my husband?"

Chris nodded. "Your very romantic, very _gay_ husband."

"I can make even the gay go straight." Phoebe said proudly. "Damn! I'm good."

Paige rolled her eyes. "I swear, your head gets bigger and bigger every day. You would think the Earth revolved around Phoebe, not the Sun."

"What?" Phoebe questioned. She furrowed her eyebrows. "The Sun circles around us." she chuckled. "Dumbass."

"And she's an idiot to boot. Joy." Piper sighed, resting her head on her hand.

Leo tilted his head, looking like a dog. "Phoebe's not an idiot. She right, duh. Stupid, Piper."

Piper rubbed her head. "God, I hate my life. Dammit, Wyatt! Stop trying to kill your father!"

Wyatt easily tossed the machete gun over his shoulder. _**"Buzz kill."**_

_Piper, Phoebe, and Paige checked the rooms in the manor, holding potions in their hands. _

"_Anything?" Piper asked._

"_No." Paige replied. _

_The walked into the living room. _

"_Well, I guess they're not here." Paige spoke._

"_Maybe they're at Magic School." Phoebe suggested._

_Billie and Christy walked out of the sun room. _

"_No," Billie said. "We're not."_

"_Waiting for us, I see." Paige said._

"_We knew you'd have to come back here eventually." Christy said coldly._

"_Yes, well, seeing as it is _our_ house." Piper said. She looked at their hands and said – with heavy mockery, "Oh, wow, I see we have potions."_

"_You taught me well." Billie said._

"Okay, that is just a _bitch_ move!" Piper declared. "We taught her everything we knew and she turns on us?"

Paige snorted. "She learned from the best."

Piper glared. "Are you calling me a bitch?"

Paige shrugged. "I'm not saying anything you didn't already know."

"Paige," Phoebe hissed. "She's pregnant. You have an ass and she has a foot. I think we all know where this is going."

"Oh, she's like a _day_ pregnant! You can't get pregnancy hormones that fast!"

"Well..." Chris trailed awkwardly. "Maybe she's just a bitch."

Phoebe scoffed. "If Piper's a bitch them I'm an idiot!"

"Maybe she isn't as dumb as we thought she was." Leo whispered thoughtfully.

Paige shook her head. "Don't be fooled."

_After the Charmed Ones made the manor living room go 'boom' then orbed away and passed out from a sleeping spell a warlock...demon thing put them in._

_Phoebe stirred awake and gasped when she saw the two demons sitting oh-so casually across the room._

"_Piper, Paige!" Phoebe said, shaking them. "Wake up!"_

_Her elder and younger sister stood up with Phoebe as the curly-haired demon/warlock thing-a-majig stood up from his chair._

"_Well, it's about time."_

"_Uh, okay, Piper, blast." Paige ordered._

"_Wait!" the demon thingy interrupted quickly, loudly. "If you vanquish us now, who will help you stop the Triad?"_

"_We already stopped the Triad." Phoebe stated with a bite._

"_Yes, but they came back." he said, happy that he caught their interest. "Well didn't you know? They're evil incarnated. Evil never really dies and neither do they. Well at least not for long. Who else could invert morality to the point where you're almost as bad as us?"_

Phoebe scoffed quietly. "The Triad? They were _nothing_! All of the demons we've ever encountered are a bunch of big babies that can't even knock us out and and plunge a dagger in our heart." she smiled smugly. "Thank God I'm here to kill them all. Or you two would be doomed."

"Yeah." Piper snorted. "Thank God you're here."

"Your powers that you never use are oh so very helpful." Paige put in. "When was the last time you had a premonition of a demon? Uh, never. Or levitated? Or used empathy? Your passive powers sure do help a lot!"

"Could you detect the sarcasm there?" Chris asked.

Phoebe blinked. "What's sarcasm?"

Leo nodded eagerly. "Please explain."

The all sighed and muttered something along the lines of it being a fruitless attempt.

"_You already told us they had what they needed." A Triad member who had an irritatingly snappy voice spoke. "This is the second time you over estimated Billie and Christy."_

"_Or underestimated the Charmed Ones." a fat member put it._

"_With all due respect it was already an ambitious plan to begin with." the pedophilic looking buttchin said. _

"_But it was _you_ ambitious plan to make. We hold you responsible." _

_Mr. ButtChin bowed his head. "And I accept responsibility, my Lord. As well as all due credit for getting us this far. After all, fighting the witches to a drawl is better than any demon has ever–"_

_The fat one interrupted him in a very angry doughnut voice. "That's not good enough! We need to take over before it's too late."_

"Mmm." Phoebe moaned. "When did the Triad get so damn _sexy_?"

Piper grimaced in disgust. "They're older than Grams, Phoebe...And that's sayin' somethin'."

Phoebe snorted. "Leo's older than Grams, Piper. Now _that's_ saying something."

Paige grinned. "I wouldn't be surprised if he tripped over his balls in the morning."

"Hey!" Leo protested. "I wouldn't be surprised if you tripped over your boobs in the morning!"

Paige pushed her boobs up, peeking them out above her bra and top, causing Leo to gag at the flabby sight. "Plastic surgery, dude, they puppies ain't eva' gonna sag."

"Like, oh-em-gee!" Leo squealed. "Did you get yours done with Doctor **Rajagopal** too?"

Paige stared at Leo's chest oddly as it inflated to the size of Pamela Anderson's but the nipples were as weirdly pointy as Kirsten Dunst in Spider Man. You know, that scene with their first kiss and it was pouring out. Her nipples were like a foot long.

"You're a freak." Paige said.

"_The Triad is in fact alive, in spirit form. But not that Billie and Christy know." The curly-haired demon informed._

"_Then how are they helping them?" Paige asked._

"_I don't think they know. But the big news is, they want Billie and Christy to summon the Hollow."_

"Let them." Piper said.

"They'll go bat-shit crazy and they'll kill themselves." Paige grinned.

"But what if they come after us?" Phoebe asked.

"Holy crap." Chris gasped. "She actually said something...intelligent!"

"Why can't you just give them a fucking sleeping potion and then stab them in the fucking heart?" Stewie demanded. "For God's sake! You three make everything entirely too complicated! Just stab them in the fucking heart! They'll be done for! Slit their throat, slip them poison, cut their wrists, a blow to the temple. If Prue can die by being knocked through a glass door, I think these two dumb ass bitches can die by burning their Prada!"

"No..." Piper shook her head. "That's too easy."

Phoebe nodded in agreement with her older sister. "Yeah, doing something _that_ simple is just out of the question."

"Mhm!" Paige said with a firm nod.

Leo slapped Stewie hard, causing him to spit out his only tooth. "You never burn a man's...I mean woman's Prada. Ever."

Stewie twisted his head to the side to where his football shaped head was facing up, i.e., his ear was facing the ceiling. "I think I really messed myself up here. Brian...Brian? Dammit! Where's the lazy bastard when you need him?"

_Wyatt sat at his grandfather's table, using a yellow crayon to color in a book, discarding the already drawn lines as he scribbled everywhere._

_Victor peeked through the door way. "Hey, buddy, five more minutes, bath time. Okay?"_

_Wyatt nodded and went back to his coloring and Victor walked away. Suddenly, Mr. ButtChin shimmered in and in a very high, obnoxiously squeaky kid voice he said, "Hi."_

_Wyatt looked up at him with pursed lips before orbing over to Chris and putting up his shield. _

"_It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." he assured while walking slowly over to them. "Auntie Billie sent me. Now, Wyatt, Wyatt," he pointed towards the doorway. "Grandpa won't understand." he waved his hands in dismissal. "He's not magical." he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, "He'll ruin _everything! _Do you want to help save Mommy?"_

_Wyatt swayed slightly, thinking. _

"_Huh?" Butt chin asked. "Because you can, you just have to trust me. I'm not going to make you go anywhere, I promise." Chris looked at ass chin while Wyatt contemplated. "All you have to do is orb back home and Auntie Billie will do the rest." he smiled. "Do you think you can do that? Huh? For Mommy?"_

_Wyatt looked at him and waved his hand, the shield disappearing. _

Piper screamed in anger as she grabbed Leo and orbed away.

"You think they'll sex it up?" Phoebe asked.

Both Chris and Paige snorted while saying, "Probably."

_Wyatt orbed into the attic._

_Billie looked up from her book as she heard the orbs. "Wyatt, what are you doing here, honey?"_

_Wyatt said, "I'm here to help Mommy."_

Piper appeared back in the living room, clutching Mr. ButtChin by the ear.

"Ah!" Phoebe shrieked, backing away. "Th-The ass faceness hurts!"

Paige rolled her eyes. "Some people think cleft chins are cute."

Phoebe looked at her, her eyes turning to the color of the Source's. "They've converted to the dark side."

Piper shoved Butt-chin to the ground. "You will pay, evil butt chin!"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Dumian. My name is Dumian."

Chris laughed. "Butt-chin is a better name than Dumian."

"My mother gave me that name!" he protested.

"Your mother hates you."

"_Christy, we can't do this. This isn't right, he's three!" Billie insisted._

"_We need him." she replied, "We don't have a choice."_

"_But what if he gets hurt?"_

"_That's a chance we'll have to take."_

"_What has _happened _to you? Are you even listening to yourself?"_

"Dammit!" Piper shrieked. "Stewie!" she barked. "Deal with butt chin." She forefully made Leo orb her away.

"My, my, I like a woman who's in charge." Stewie grinned. He walked up to Dumian. He pulled out a ray gun from behind his back and cocked it at him. "Bye, bye, Dumian. Any last words?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

Stewie blanched. "Oh...Well, okay." he pulled the trigger and a red beam of light disintegrated Dumian to ash.

_Billie knelt down to Wyatt's height, a sad look adorned her face. "Hi. Look, you only have to hold our hands and we'll do the rest, okay?"_

"_'Kay." Wyatt said._

_Christy walked over, her face emotionless. They grabbed Wyatt's hand and started chanting in Latin gibberish. The screen alternated between the Charmed witches and the err...damn...Oh! That's right, the 'Ultimate Power'. Yeah, no one can freakin' remember them because they consist of a broody bitch and a sarcastic, horny college girl. Ultimate power my ass. They couldn't even summon the Hollow by themselves! How is that Ultimate? _

_Whatever, besides the point. They summoned the Hollow like a dumbass, using sweet little innocent Wyatt while doing so. Dramatic lighting, echo effects, and broody, witchy music wrapped all wrapped up in one cliché craptastic two minutes. _

_The TV switched over to Victor and Chris._

"_Hey, Chris." Victor said suddenly, crouching down to the crib. "Listen, buddy. How would you like to play hide and seek? Okay! Can you find Wyatt? Can you use your powers to bring him home, please?"_

"Ah!" Piper battle cried as she pushed a twenty-three-year-old Christy to the floor. "Shock 'er."

"No! Don't!" Christy yelled. "Please! I-I don't wanna die."

"You took my nephews powers." Phoebe growled.

"That's a bad thing?" Chris muttered.

"_And_ almost his life. So, Leo, zap 'er." Piper odered.

Leo complied to his wife, wanting to desperately please her, even if he was gay. He zapped her with lightning and then Stewie turned the body to ash with his ray gun.

"Life is good." Piper sighed.

_The Charmed Ones orbed into the sun room and Billie and Christy walked down the stairs. Both were – idiotically – infested by the power-hungry Hollow. _

"_We've been waiting for you."_

_The sisters turned around and Paige said, "Well, your wait is over."_

"_No potions, huh?" Piper asked._

"_We don't need any potions." Christy growled out._

"_Funny." Phoebe said. "Neither do we."_

"_I knew we shouldn't have trusted you." Piper said._

"_You should have followed your instincts." Christy retorted._

"_Next time."_

"_There won't be a next time." Billie said._

_The girls both brought their hands up. The 'Ultimate' power's stream of energy was the color of fire, where as the Charmed One's were blue. The rays of light met with a collision, both fighting for dominance. It broke the chandelier, the clock (since when is that new?) and a dresser with flowers in a vase, among other items in the manor. _

_Finally, the lights just exploded against one another, sending the women flying in mid air with screams. The manor exploded with a lot of computer generated effects and the Hollow returned to it's box in the earth._

"That sucks." Paige said.

"Mhm." Phoebe agreed.

"Maybe in the next life we'll do better." Piper suggested.

"Ha, doubt it."

* * *

**Don't you just love how indifferent they are to death? Have you guys been reading the italics? *Glares* I put some pretty punny – okay, not punny, but funny – stuff in there. So read.**

**And review. Or I cyber kick you. Come on, guys. There's going to be two more chapters after this. Please?**

**NOTE! I COPYRIGHT THE TERM, "THE POWER OF PRETTY COMPELS YOU!" Patented, dude. **


	34. Chapter 34

The Charmed Ones and their pain in the asses watched as _Piper _picked herself out of the rubble and searched around for her sisters, only to find them dead.

Piper blinked. "_**All of my family is dead...Leo's gone...Paige is dead. Phoebe's bit the dust...All I've ever loved is gone...FUCK YES!"**_

Piper sobbed. "Oh...Oh no. You're all dead...Weh."

Paige rolled her eyes. "You should be an actress."

"I know, right!" Phoebe agreed wholeheartedly...or perhaps stupidly. Yeah, stupidly. "You _really _should have continued those drama classes!"

The episode magically changed to the Final as Wyatt blinked.

_So, where did we leave off? Oh, yes, the Charmed manor exploding and everyone dead but Piper. Leo turned on the lights of Phoebe's condo and Piper grabbed the Book. She started to flip through the pages as Leo poured some type of healing liquid on a rag._

"_There's nothing in the book that can fix this." Leo said, walking towards her briskly to treat her wounds._

"_No, there's got to be something." she murmured._

"_There's not," Leo said, flickering his eyes towards the ceiling, "They can't undo what's already been done."_

_Piper looked at him desperately and Leo shut the Book._

"_We should make sure the boys are okay." He said quietly._

_Piper breathed deeply. "I'm sorry you had to come back to this."_

"Y-You're still alive." Piper said blankly.

Leo nodded happily. "Isn't that great?"

"Dammit!" she cursed the Elders. "Why couldn't you have just _killed me_?"

"Awe, Piper, don't talk like that–" Phoebe said.

Piper glared. "I suggest you shut up before your body is blown to ity bitty tiny little pieces."

Stewie stared at her in awe. "I-I like her!"

"_You've got the power, Billie. You've projected yourself in the past before. Haven't you? When Christy was young, when she was trapped in that cave."_

"_Yeah, but I–"_

"_Then why can't you do it again? Only this time you can go back in time to change. To save her. You trust me. Don't you?"_

_Billie nodded silently and Buttchin pulled her into a hug._

"I have half the mind to resurrect him just to kick his ass." Piper said. She crossed her arms, clenching her hands in tight fists.

"Yes, yes, yes." Phoebe rolled her eyes. "You have anger issues. We all know it, Piper."

Piper glared and flickered her hands, but Leo jumped in front of her. Getting caught in the crossfire he exploded in orbs before reforming.

"At least I didn't get Shannon kicked off the show, you bitch." Piper scowled.

Phoebe gasped. "Fuck you, Holly! And I thought I _liked_ you!"

"And don't even get me started on you trying to mourn Shannon when she died in the show. It was pathetic!"

"Guys, come on." Paige cut in.

"Shut up, Rose!" they chorused.

"_Coop? If you can hear me I need to talk to you now."_

_He appeared in his weird little heart-love travel thing. "Guys, if this is about Phoebe, she's made it very clear how she feels about me right now, so..."_

_Piper looked up at him and said, "Phoebe's dead."_

"_What?" he choked out/_

"_But if you lend me your ring I think I can go back in time and save her. It can do that, right? I mean can go back in time?"_

"_Yeah, to follow love, but–"_

"_Okay, then, hand it over."_

_He took off his ring and handed it over to her._

"Damn!" Paige gasped, leaning forward to look closer at the TV. "That is one big ass man ring!"

Leo snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, costume jewelery man ring. It has no money value _at all_."

Chris chuckled. "I think Coop likes the back door, if you know what I mean."

"Whaaaa–?" Phoebe asked stupidly.

"He likes the Hershey highway." Piper clarified.

"Huh?"

"He's, er, happy." Leo explained.

Phoebe squinted her eyes and tilted her head. "I-I don't...**.**"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Paige yelled exasperatedly. "He doesn't like pussy!"

Phoebe blinked. "Oh, that's alright. I'm not a cat person either." Despite the fact that she had the familiar cat.

"You're impossible."

"_You must be a pretty powerful witch, to you know, come her from the future!" Patty gushed._

"_Oh, no, it really didn't have that much to do with me. It was Coop's ring."_

"You're going to erase Phoebe's existence if you let everything spill out of your mouth, dumbass." Chris informed.

"Shut up." Piper hissed.

"_Oh, it's just you and Prue, huh?" Patty asked._

_Leo and Piper looked at each other._

"_Maybe we shouldn't tell them too much." Leo said. "You know, changing the past, change the future."_

"_Well we've go to tell them something..."_

"Have you learned _nothing_ from me?" Chris demanded.

"We choose to block that period out of our minds. You were quite a pain in the ass." Leo explained.

Chris rolled his eyes. "`That period' is still going on."

"_How old am I? In your time? Now..." Piper asked as she held a stuffed bunny in her hand._

"_Almost three." Victor said proudly._

"_Prue would be five..." she looked at Leo. "And Phoebe..."_

"_Phoebe?" Patty asked. "Who's Phoebe?"_

_Piper smiled awkwardly and finished, "Not born yet. I don't understand how this happened! I was focusing on Phoebe and it was supposed to take me to when she would be alive again."_

"_Well maybe you did. Maybe you just overshot it." Leo suggested._

"_A little? Try thirty years."_

_Patty put a hand to her stomach, staring in surprise._

"You say one thing about future consequences," Paige threatened, "And I will sick Phoebe on you. And _no one_ wants that."

Chris grimaced and shut up.

"_Look you can't come barging in here from the future, telling me two of my girls are dead, without expecting me to help." Patty said. "So...Let's get going!" She grabbed Piper and Leo's hands before reaching forward to give Victor a kiss. "Oh, I'll be right back, baby."_

_Piper closed her eyes and whispered, "Grams."_

_They were engulfed in a red light before appearing in a future-istic looking manor. Piper walked forward and picked up her warn out bunny._

"_Now where are we?"_

"_Triple word score!" An older woman's voice exclaimed._

"_Now there, that's not spelled right." A man's voice retorted._

"_Well sure it is!"_

_The threesome walked into the Sun room to find an elderly couple sitting at a table._

"_No, it's not." he insisted._

"_Oh, is that an _official _challenge?" she questioned._

"_Uh, excuse me." Piper interrupted._

"_How do you spell Zankou?" The man asked. "With a 'Z' or 'X'?"_

_The woman slapped his arm. "That's cheating!"_

"_I'm not asking you." The man said. He pointed towards Leo. "I'm asking _me. _Well?"_

"_Z." Leo chocked out._

"_Ha! Told you!"_

"Ew!" Phoebe blanched, scooting into the couch. "You're so old and wrinkly."

Leo glared. "I wouldn't be picking on _us _Phoebe, because if I recall correctly, your future self was old, bitter, and butt ugly!"

"We _changed_ that future."

Leo rolled his eyes. "You got rid of Cole, sure. But you'll be as wrinkly as a prune, you raisin."

"_All you need to do is focus on saving your sister," Buttchin said. He placed his hand on her lower back, being a total creeper. "Which means focusing on the battle. Lets try again."_

_Billie sat on the Magic School floor, cross-legged._

"_Clear your mind of everything else. From all that has happened. Let go of the pain of loss because where you're going that hasn't happened yet. Think only of Christy. See her at your side. You want to save her more than anything else. And that's what you're going to do. That's it. You're almost there. Now go, project yourself back. . .to the Triad."_

_Billie's eyes flashed open and dangerous music started play. She turned around to look at him._

"_The Triad?" she stood up. "What the _hell _are you talking about? Are you trying to trick me?"_

"_No! Of course not!"_

"_Then what was that?"_

"Does he give anyone else the heebie jeebies?" Paige asked plainly.

"No." Leo said. "I think he's kind of se–"

Piper interrupted him with a loud sob. "Y-You can't be gay! Please!"

"Oh, Piper, sweetie," Leo said, pity in his voice. "I know you love me, and, I thought I loved you too, but you have–"

Piper let out something between a sob and a snort. "No! Grams and I made a bet. And if you come out of the closet to her, she'll win! She _can't_ win, Leo! You have to stay with me. Or else I'll lose."

Chris laughed. "Ha!"

"_You're okay, mom, you just fainted." Patty explained._

"_Well of course I fainted!" Penny snapped. "You're dead!"_

"_Oh, yeah, I know." Patty said, pouting, as Piper and Leo walked into the living room. "They just told me."_

"_Ha." Piper laughed as she set a glass of water on the table._

"_And who are you?" Penny demanded._

_She sat in the chair. "Well, believe it or not, I am...Piper." Penny blinked. "Future," Piper continued. "And this is my lovely husband Leo." Leo blushed and smiled. "From the future as well."_

"_And I'm from the past." Patty put in. "Obviously."_

_Penny looked at them before saying, "I need a drink."_

"Oh, God, she's a ginger." Phoebe grimaced. "Ugly little fucks."

Chris chuckled. "Paige used to have red hair, and very pale skin."

Phoebe blinked and screamed, "You ginger butt chin! I disown you!..Again!"

"Can we make this legal?" Paige questioned.

"Let's!" Piper agreed. "I'll disown Phoebe too!"

"Stupid, mean, evil, ginger butt chin." Phoebe glowered. "And let's not forget her snarky, bitchy, evil, bad split ends side kick."

_Piper, Leo, Penny, and Patty heart-loved thing-a-majiged into the living room as the hollow-infected 'Ultimate' power and Charmed Ones faced off._

_Penny, Patty, and Piper started to chant the Latin gibberish spell as the streams of light hit each other._

"_What the...?" Past Piper questioned as she caught sight of her future self, Leo, and her family._

"_Don't ask, you'll get a headache." her counterpart replied._

_Future Billie walked down the stairs and both future counterparts flashed into their past selves._

"_Now there's something you don't see everyday." Penny remarked to her daughter._

"_What is goin' on?" Paige asked._

"_Looks like time caught up with it's self." Leo mused aloud._

"Why haven't you left yet?" Phoebe demanded.

Leo rolled his eyes. "I don't have to do _everything_ you want me to, Alyssa."

"SCREW YOU, BRIAN!"

_Suddenly white orbs appeared in the living room, forming into future Chris and Wyatt._

Chris stared. "I should grow a beard!"

Paige rolled her eyes. "You don't have a beard. It's stubble."

"I look fucking awesome." he stated frankly.

"_Somebody just screwed up our future." Chris growled._

Piper sighed, rubbing her head. "What else is new? If this is how our life is going to end, I want a refund!"

_Victor sat in his apartment, drinking tea. He sputtered on his drink when someone knocked at the door. "Damn." He got up and answered the door gasping when he saw Patty squealing._

"_Oh, hi!" She jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist. "You're just as handsome as you ever were."_

_Chris and Wyatt walked into the living room as Victor stuttered out questions._

"_What's going on?" He pulled Chris into a hug, saying his name in surprise. "Well, what are you doing here?"_

"_Hey, Grandpa!" Wyatt greeted, hugging him._

"_This is our grandson Wyatt." Patty introduced, pinching his cheeks. "So handsome!"_

"_I-I-I-I-I-I'm so confused."_

"_Eh, you'll get over it. I did." Patty said exuberantly._

"What is she on?" Paige wondered. "Crack?"

Chris shook his head. "It's the seventies, Paige. She's on weed."

Paige shrugged thoughtfully, pursing her lips. "Makes sense." she leaned over to whisper to him. "Do you think Phoebe's high too?"

"Nah." Piper answered. "She's just an idiot." she rolled her eyes. "An idiot in heat. Phoebe, dammit! Stop humping the pillows!"

"_You _used _my son?" Piper demanded, stepping towards Billie to kick her ass._

"_All in the past, dear. Now lets just focus on how to fix it now, okay?" Penny cut in._

_Piper stared at her incredulously before turning away._

"When is this story going to be over?" Phoebe moaned, putting the pillow she previously raped to her head. "All of the italics are giving me a headache."

"Soon." Paige soothed, very out of character. "This torture will all be over soon."

Piper nodded. "Then we all can continue on with our lives, putting this behind us."

"What exactly is _'this_'?" Leo questioned.

"Oh, God." Phoebe groaned. "The italics."

Chris smirked. "_Are you alright, Phoebe?"_

"Go screw yourself."

"Which I'm sure he's done." Paige grinned. "_Many times._"

"Dammit, Paige!"

Paige snickered.

"_My, Lords!" Buttchin said. "We come from the future to warn you. The Charmed Ones are going to get the Hollow the same time Billie and Christy will!"_

"_Which means we've got to get to it before this time." Christy said._

"_Get out of here!"_

_It was too late though because the Charmed Ones and Billie appeared in astral projection. The sisters threw potions at the Triad, vanquishing their spirits._

"_No!"_

"_Oh yes." Piper retorted, blasting both the Buttchins._

"_I don't understand. How could this happen?" Christy demanded._

"_Billie projected us here." Phoebe said._

"_By focusing on you." Paige continued._

"_Paige." Piper croaked._

"_Ring!"_

_The 'Ultimate' Power chatted some overly dramatic banter until finally Christy manifested this red – horribly digitally constructed – fireball thing and shot it towards the four, but Billie deflected it back towards her and killed her._

_All was well with the world one again._

_Fucking Ultimate Power._

_Gimme a break._

"Well...That was boring. I can't believe we spent our whole weekend watching this." Paige groaned.

Chris bit his lip awkwardly. "Yeah, 'bout that...You guys can't remember any of this. Yeah, sorry. But you know how it is. Future consequences and crap. You could totally kill of one of my cousins if you know all of this." He orbed all of the DVDs into a volcano as the Charmed sisters and Leo stared at him open mouthed.

"You gotta be shittin' me." Piper choked out.

"Yeah, no..."

"_Powers and emotions tied,"_

"No! Not the italics again!"

"_Visions seen must now hide,"_

"Chris, don't do this!"

"_Reverse the knowledge that has passed,"_

"This sucks."

"No! Chris! Wait! Do these jeans make my ass look fat?"

"_With this spell I now cast."_

"No!" Piper screamed, her throat raw. "Chris! Do–"

* * *

**Thank you **_sassyangel15_**! I can't rhyme at all and she did it for me! As in, she wrote the spell. One more chapter to go guys, the grand finale. How this was all wrap up! Dun du–Oh, who gives a crap anymore? No one's even reading it. I'll see my one reader tomorrow. I.e, my beta.**


	35. Chapter 35

"–n't!" Piper opened her eyes only to close them again as the harsh light of the morning streamed in through the window. That was weird. Since when was the sun ever out this early in the morning? She wiped the sweat off her forehead.

Leo propped himself up on his elbow, squinting through his eyes. "You okay, Piper?"

That was a strange dream. She rubbed her eyes, giving him a halfhearted smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He smiled and leaned over to kiss her. "Well, get some sleep. It's only five and we have Darryl's son's party today."

Piper wrinkled her nose. "I can't wait until Wyatt turns that age."

He laughed. "I bet. Now, bed. Those kids are going to wear you out." He turned back on his side before looking up at her again. "Hey. Who's Chris?"

Piper's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know." Who _was_ Chris? Or Billie for that matter? And why had Cole been there?

"You know, my father's name was Chris. And my Mom's last name was Perry. If we have another kid maybe we can name him Chris Perry?" Leo suggested.

Piper raised her eyebrows. "If we're having another kid, it's going to be a girl."

"Oh really?" he questioned. "We'll see about that."

She grinned, laughing. "Why is it so hot out?"

Leo shrugged and pulled her close. "Heat wave. It'll pass."

She sighed and snuggled into her husband's chest, yet she couldn't help but shake the feeling of that dream. If her life was turned into a TV show, some asses would be blown to bits.

* * *

An Angel of Destiny stood on trial as the Tribunal pounded her with questions. They took a break, to discuss her punishment.

"Angel," the good member called. "You have used your powers of fate to give Piper Halliwell a dream of the future."

"How do you know I did it?" he questioned. "Her dream was quite unusual. You saw it. The way her sisters acted and how they responded from the 'show' was completely out of character for them. It could have been a manifest from her own mind." he pursed his lips. "It could have just been something bad she ate...or weed."

"You're lying." the demon member snapped.

"Her destiny was off course!" he said desperately. "Like, seriously fucked up!"

"We here by punish you by death. An Elder has been kind enough to volunteer in killing you."

He rolled his eyes and snarled, "How thoughtful."

Gideon stood up and lifted his hands. "So sorry."

"You're lying!" the same demon-member shouted. "Liar!"

The Angel of Destiny stood bravely as Gideon picked up the bucket of water and dumped it over the man...

"I'm melting!" he screeched.

An Elder from the Tribunal rolled his eyes. "Dumb ass."

* * *

**Do do da do do doot. - The ending theme for Futurama. Anyway...THE END! IT WAS ALL A DREAM, GUYS! A DREAM THAT THE ANGEL OF DESTINY GAVE HERRR. I COULD MAKE A SEQUEL. THAT'S WHY I ENDED IT THIS WAY. IN CASE PEOPLE WANTED A SEQUEL...WHY AM I USING CAPITALS? IT'S FUN, OH WELL.**

**MANY THANKS TO:**

**V (Just a girl with a keyboard) She's just awesome and encouraging.**

**And my beta, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell. Despite the fact I was to impatient to wait occasionally and just posted it, mistakes and all.**

**Um...Who am I forgetting...Shoot. I know I'm forgetting somebody. OH! You dumbasses. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Favoriting and alerting. For those who are still here, reading this, I applaud you. And you can be my friend now. (What'd I steal that from? Family guy, you idiot!)**

**SassyAngel15 for bein' my spell maker. **

**See you nex-...Wait...There is no next chapter. HA! SUCK IT! I KNEW I COULD FINISH THIS STORY. Yeah..Bye.**

**It's been a good run.**

**~That'70sShowLova.**


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